Click this banner (or this link) to be taken to a new epic, released in 2015. It is a re-imagining of the events depicted in this topic. It is standalone, and is what I would call the "definitive" version, even if it is not yet complete. If you do read it, please note that reading this topic is NOT necessary.
Back on December 19, 2010, I posted the first chapter to a comedy I had titled Tahu vs. Tahu. It was a massive hit, reaching the hot topics list on the front page of BZPower 9 times and amassing 13 pages between the first two seasons. Unfortunately, that original topic was lost in the Great Downtime of 2011; however, when the forums returned I re-launched it with the third season. That topic can be seen here, where it managed 12 pages for the final two seasons.
However, that topic is no longer readable due to the formatting errors that hit BZPower in late 2013, and since the loss of the archives, the first two seasons cannot be found at all. As such, I have decided to re-release the entire thing in this topic - right from the very beginning to the very end. Assuming that I remember to keep up with the schedule, I shall post a single chapter each day; after the completion of each season, I shall also release its related specials - chapters that were unrelated to the main story and served purely as comic relief.
Please keep in mind while reading that the comedy itself remains unchanged. It was originally written several years ago, and I have left it entirely intact. Hopefully it is still mildly fun to laugh at the horrible writing.
Anyway... without further ado, I present the original Tahu vs. Tahu.
(Oh, and I will update this post with links to each chapter as they are released.)
Tahu vs. Tahu – Civil War
Chapter 1 – The New Arrivals
10 Years Ago....
The boy rushed into the giant mansion, dragging several giant plastic bags behind him. Inside were several canisters and boxes, full of brand new toys.
Inside these boxes were rahi, such as Nui-Rama. Inside the canisters were the Toa Mata, all six. One would become the leader of all the bionicles to come, never challenged, never fought with.
Of course, if it were to be that way forever, then this comedy would end before it began, so of course things are going to get spiced up a bit.
Tahu Mata yawned and stood the first bionicle to ever be built in the mansion. He glanced around, and saw his fellow toa still in their canisters. He walked over to Lewa’s, sidestepping the bumps in the blanket, and twisted the canister open, with great difficulty.
After several minutes, Lewa was standing next to him.
“Hello.” Tahu said.
“Hello.” Lewa said. “This is... boring.”
“Yeah.” Tahu agreed. “But once more of us are built, we’re gonna have a party!”
And so, half an hour later, the rahi had all flown away, and the six toa were sitting with the turaga, who’d also arrived.
“I say we vote for a leader.” Turaga Onewa decided. “I vote Tahu, since he was the first open.”
“No, really, you don’t need to.” Tahu laughed.
“I’m serious.” Onewa told him.
“Alright then.” Turaga Matau said. “It is official. Tahu Mata is our leader!”
“This... should be interesting.” Tahu muttered.
“Alright.” Tahu Mata yelled, as the gathered bionicles below him fell silent.
“It’s been ten great years.” Tahu Mata announced. “We’ve announced Lewa Mata as my second in command; we’ve named several others as a lower level government. We’ve lived in peace and prosperity. Now, as you all know, bionicle is ending.”
There were prompt boos.
“Hero Factory sucks!” someone yelled.
Tahu Mata nodded. “However, we must prepare. We are receiving six new arrivals today, made as a tribute to some of us. I do not know who yet.”
“I hope it’s me.” Ahkmou interrupted.
“As I was saying.” Tahu Mata continued. “That is not the only thing; once Hero Factory arrives, we need to be prepared. They may be hostile, and we’ll have no idea how ruthless they are.”
“If they’re anything like us, then they’re gonna kill someone.” Kazi pointed out.
“Hey!” Toa Metru Matau swung into the room. “Shut up! The sets are arriving!”
“Places!” Tahu Mata ordered.
Not one second after Velika had dodged out of sight; several bags flew into the room and landed on the bed. Several black and yellow canisters fell off the bed and to the floor with a crash.
“Looks like some are species sets.” Tahu Mata said, crawling out of the shadows.
“Hey, the yellow one’s a Rahkshi!” Takanuva exclaimed. “It’s... yellow. And it doesn’t have a name. Just Rahkshi.”
“Looks like the series is called ‘Stars’.” Kazi announced. “Small set remakes.”
“Well, that does look rather spot on.” A Panrahk replied, gazing at the Rahkshi Stars. “Let’s open them.”
“Ugh... there’s twenty-seven.” Tahu Mistika groaned. “This isn’t going to be fun.”
“Relax.” The Panrahk assured him. “We Rahkshi will handle it.”
“What’s the black one?” Tahu Mata asked, approaching.
“Skrall Stars.” Kazi told him.
A cheer went up from the Skrall sets from the winter of 2009. One ran over.
“Hey!” it exclaimed. “This isn’t right! These Skrall are black and green! Only Tuma is black and green!”
A groan went up from the Skrall sets from the winter of 2009. The Skrall ran back over.
“Toa Hordika! You, the Visorak, and the Vahki can build the Skrall Stars.” Tahu Mata ordered.
“Yes.” Nuju Hordika grinned. “We get to build some of the last sets!”
“There’s a blue one!” Kazi called. “It’s called... Piraka Stars.”
“Awesome!” Vezok grinned. “Wait... why is it named after the line?”
Kazi shrugged. “I dunno. But it looks individual; there’s only one.”
Vezok glanced at the canister.
“Oh, that’s Nektann.” He told them. “Wonder why his canister doesn’t have a name?”
Vezok shrugged and carried the canister over to Zaktan and Avak. The other three piraka ran over to join in.
“The white one is... a Takanuva Stars.” Kazi called.
Both Takanuva and Takanuva Mistika rushed over. Both paused.
“Why does he look like a toa of ice?” Takanuva Mistika asked.
“Yeah.” Takanuva replied. “He should be white and gold, or at the very least, white and gunmetal.”
“Just build him.” Ackar said wearily.
“The green one?” Tahu Mata asked as several Rahkshi Stars and Skrall Stars stood and began glancing around.
“Gresh Stars.” Kazi answered.
Lewa, Matau, and Lesovikk snapped their fingers, muttering. Gresh rolled his eyes and stepped forward.
“What the heck?!” he exclaimed. “My weapon is silver! That stinks! And so does my all lime green helmet! Ugh....”
And with that, the jungle Glatorian sat down and began to build.
“The red one?” Tahu Mata asked.
Kazi glanced in, and then paused.
“Kazi?” Tahu Mata prompted.
“Yeah... um... it’s you.” He stammered.
“What do you mean?” Tahu Mata asked.
Kazi turned the canister and showed him.
“Looks like after a decade, you’re gonna face a challenge for your leadership.” Nuparu Inika pointed out.
To Be Continued....
Edited by Lucina, Dec 12 2015 - 12:21 AM.