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[Review] For Them


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#1 Offline (Daedalus)

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Posted Apr 23 2015 - 10:25 PM

Story Topic

 

This here is the review topic for my first BZP epic, horribly titled For Them (I had a hard time thinking of a title, and that was the least horrible of them, so forgive me for that).

 

Basically, this is about the Protectors (the Protector of Ice, in particular) before the coming of the Toa. Now, I should point out that I'm not writing this to strictly adhere to what canon we have. For one thing, I am using the names of the G1 Turaga for the Protectors, partly because I'm lazy and unimaginative, and partly because it actually made for an interesting character development, though that won't be seen until the end of the epic. I will also (probably) borrow some other elements from G1 if I feel like it, though for the most part, I expect this to be mostly G2. Again, I'm taking some liberties for the purposes of this story, though due to the small amount of information currently available for G2 right now, I don't think it'll be anything too drastic.

 

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. I don't know how frequently I'll update it since I haven't typed up all the chapters yet, but I'll tentatively predict a new chapter once a week, though I don't expect this to be a particularly long epic.

 

Comments and criticisms are, of course, welcome.


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My epic: For Them (Review Topic)

 

BZPRPG: Trauer and Faora

 

Bionifight Ultimate: Daedalus Drachoren and Von Worten Undtränen

 

The Elder Scrolls: Ashfall: K'Larn


#2 Offline Akavakaku

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Posted Apr 23 2015 - 11:17 PM

Why do they use trenches? Spiders can't shoot, so they don't have to worry about being targets. If I were them I'd fortify the village with just a single entrance route for the spiders, then put artillery on all the walls to attack the spiders as they approach, with soldiers waiting in the entrance zone to kill the few spiders that can get through at a time, all while the bottlenecked spiders waiting their turn are getting fired upon.
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( The bunny slippers hiss and slither into the shadows. ) -Takuaka: Toa of Time


What if the Toa you know best were not destined to be? Interchange: The epic begins

#3 Offline (Daedalus)

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Posted Apr 24 2015 - 11:51 AM

First of all, thanks for taking the time to read the first chapter.

 

Secondly, and in answer to question... well, to be honest, they use trenches because that was the first thing I thought of when imagining combat in a non-urban environment. I didn't really put a whole lot of thought into it. However, seeing your post last night has made me think about it, and I'm not really sure your suggestion is all that feasible. Remember, these are spiders. They may be stupid, but I don't think they are stupid enough to creep through a snall route laid out for them. They'd be climbing the walls, at the very least. Even if the walls are made of ice, I don't see that being too big a deterrent; maybe it's just me, but I imagine those legs also function a bit like claws, and it would be a simple matter of jamming those things into the ice to climb. And besides, I think defending the village proper would--or, at least, should--be the absolute last line of defense (which does make me think that I need to change a few things).

 

And regardless, I'm really only using this battle to jump start the plot. Probably not the best way to go about things, and I'm not trying to make excuses for poorly thought out writing, but even if I was smart enough to write the villagers using better or more realistic tactics, the outcome, essentially, would be the same. Again, I'm not trying to make excuses, because I really didn't think this battle through all that well. Regardless if I think it's important, such idiocies on my part can detract from the overall story, and I'll try to be more mindful of it going forward.

 

Thanks again for your feedback.

 

EDIT: Also, I added "Chapter 1" to the beginning of the post, since I'm slack-brained and I didn't do it when I made the original post. Depending on how lazy I am when I write the other chapters, I may try to incorporate chapter names, but no promises.


Edited by (Daedalus), Apr 24 2015 - 11:55 AM.

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My epic: For Them (Review Topic)

 

BZPRPG: Trauer and Faora

 

Bionifight Ultimate: Daedalus Drachoren and Von Worten Undtränen

 

The Elder Scrolls: Ashfall: K'Larn





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