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His Destiny Comics "Exiled"


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This is a short story loosely based off the 2001 story, and also a comic series I haven't had time to work on (due to school), but I am planning to work on it throughout summer. 

 

His Destiny: "Exiled"

 

“Here am I guarding this stupid gate.” I said to myself sighing, while leaned against the wall. My shift just started second ago and I am already bored out my mind. “Why does the Captain keep assigning me to this gate, in fact how often does anyone ever use this gate?” I thought to myself, the thoughts of abandoning this tedious chore was growing more and more desirable. My mind wondered gazing into the sky, where an ugly smog blocked the suns. My eyes moved from one rock to another, the feeling of unrestful spirit kept taunting me, and time seemed to freeze. Suddenly a spark of light glimmered in high above the sky and urged me to strain my eyes in hopes to see what that light was. It slowly came closer and closer to me, until the light revealed itself shimmering bright purple. Its form was illuminated in light in the form of a flutter fly like creature.

 

It was a little smaller than my hand, and had the symbols of the three virtues. The creature of light flew on a rock nearby, and it seemed to be waiting for me to follow it. A part of me wanted to stay, but something inside of me that urged me to follow it, so after a few seconds I made up my mind and followed the creature. I approached the creature and it flew to another rock and I followed. This happened several times, until I realized how far away I've gone, as I turned back and the gate I was guarding was no longer in sight. I turned back to see the creature resting still on a dead tree stump. I slowly approached it and reached out my hand to touch it. The strangest thing happened, and the creature turned from purple to gold. It was beautiful and shined bright like the suns. I pulled my hand away and the creature returned to its original color much more duller looking than before.

 

Suddenly, the sound of the horns were sounded from behind me. “My village must be under attack!” I cried out loud, and turned back to see that the creature of light had disappeared from sight, as if it were never there. I shook my head with frustration, and mentally scolded myself for letting my curiosity get the better of me… again. I started to rush back to my post hoping that it did not compromise my village. I got back to my village, and I saw a lot of huts destroyed and a few villagers injured into what seemed like a massive creature managed to make its way inside, with large claw marks on the ground and on half the buildings in village.

 

The captain of the guard stood facing the destroyed huts and without turning around, he spoke to me with a stern voice, “Someone abandoned their post, and only bad things happen.” He turned around and looked at me, “You there, you were the one assigned to the south west entrance. I was told that was the direction the giant rat beast came from the victims whose huts were destroyed. How could something that big come through the entryway without being spotted?” I shrugged, and said nothing while submissively walked back a step and looking at the floor. The captain glared and me and sighed saying, “Fine, I suppose I should of known better than to had assign you that section. Regardless, the Elder wishes to speak with you, so come with me.” I looked away as I followed him to the Elder's hut.

 

We entered the Elder’s hut, and he was meditating toward a fire pit, behind it was a carving of the Great Spirit. The Elder rose up as we came before him and we knelt in respect. “Rise gate guard.” the Elder said as he pointed at me. I stood up, but still looked at the floor. The Elder spoke softly but sternly as he normally did, “Recent events have made it clear that you are not fit for the duties this village has to offer. Your negligence has led to one too many mishaps. You have led me no choice but to banish you from this village, until you have learned your own way to fulfill your destiny. This is not fully a punishment, but an opportunity. See what you can learn from the other villages, and when you are ready I shall be waiting.” The Elder placed his hand on me and I looked at him, and he said calmly, “Do not take this world lightly, there are dangers that lie in the shadows. Take this staff and this light stone, you will need it on your journeys.” The Elder handed me an odd looking short staff, and light stone. I bowed and said to him, “I am sorry for the trouble I have caused, and I will make it right somehow.” The Elder nodded in recognition of my respectful gesture. The Captain bowed to the Elder and escorted me to my hut. I entered my small hut alone and gathered up my few possessions, and put them in my green backpack. The Captain the escorted me to the main entrance. I was about to leave, and then I heard the Captain from behind me, “Good luck, I hope you find your way out there.”

 

Before I turned my head around, the great gates to the village of fire shut behind me. I looked around only to see a long bride of stone stretching over to the other side. Along the sides of the bridge was the lake of fire that surrounded most of the fire village. I slowly walked across the stone bridge, contemplating where to go from here. I finally made it to the other side and turned around to look at my village for what felt like the last time, and then turned away with a grin and said to myself, “I will return someday, but for now…” my attention was suddenly redirect to a shimmering glow from the distance, just like from earlier. I smiled and finished my thought, “…I will find out where this light leads me.”

And this is how my journey begins….   

Edited by Vezon shall Return

"Don't! They will kill you like a small dog. Instead let your anger be as if it were a monkey on a treadmill; confused and tripping around." -Lelouch of Britania- (Here is my BZPRPG Profile, Diotrua.) 

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It seems well written. However, there are small spots where the story moves too fast, giving no pause to let the reader take the scene in. Adding a quiet moment between every chapter, usually small. Such as the character sighing, pondering, or taking a breath. Basically add moments where nothing happens, something small.

 

If you need an example, and if you have WattPad, search "the world of Eres" to find a sample of my work

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