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Beat Up the Toa


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Too bad that I pumped noxious gases into the air behind the steel wall.

 

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But the steel wall blocks the way to me, thus trapping you with the gasses... 

 

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I take all seventeen previous jags and stab them into you.

 

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I strangle you with the cord of a charging cell phone.

 

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I boulder you with a giant's crush.

 

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I believe you are mistaken, Smoke Monster, as it was I who had lost their face. I retrieve my face and teleport you into a dimension like the one in Dali's The Persistence of Memory. Initially, you are entranced and curious. However, after years of being trapped in this dimension, you go so mad, you eventually stop thinking.

 

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I smash you and Axonn underneath a redwood tree.

 

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But then, I orbit around the Earth and careen back into the atmosphere. I slam into you at terminal velocity.

 

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But I slammed into you at terminal velocity, you see. AND I turned myself into an asteroid. 

 

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The shattered asteroid then becomes an army of myself. We send you into deep space by making a gravity-defying chain of ourselves into the stratosphere and hauling you up.

 

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The biggest hammer, however, cannot break through the massive wall made of my singularity. We surround you and suffocate you.

 

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As you fall back into the atmosphere, you realize the folly of your plan. You drown in your own self-made boiling Inary stew.

 

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No, no, you didn't drown. You were deep-fried, my friend.

 

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I shift Earth's gravity into you and you are crushed by its sheer force and the objects that inevitably crash into you.

 

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But I remind them that I have diplomatic immunity!

 

My freedom!

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I destroy the Pit with a massive and concussive blast. I do the same directly to your skull.

 

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