Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Welcome to BZPower!

Hi there, while we hope you enjoy browsing through the site, there's a lot more you can do if you register. The process is easy and you can use your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account to make it even faster. Some perks of joining include:
  • Create your own topics, participate in existing discussions, and vote in polls
  • Show off your creations, stories, art, music, and movies and play member and staff-run games
  • Enter contests to win free LEGO sets and other prizes, and vote to decide the winners
  • Participate in raffles, including exclusive raffles for new members, and win free LEGO sets
  • Send private messages to other members
  • Organize with other members to attend or send your MOCs to LEGO fan events all over the world
  • Much, much more!
Enjoy your visit!


Photo

Stalking Shadows

Stalking Shadows Tomana Heads Tails Effigia Detectives

  • Please log in to reply
1 reply to this topic

#1 Online Zox Tomana

Zox Tomana
  • Members
  • Seeker

  • 249 posts
  •  

Posted Nov 20 2011 - 03:52 PM

Stalking Shadows

Detective Case File 257 - Status - Closed, Personal File of Toa Spawn of Teridax- "I really, really despise having to go through the courtroom process," Tomana groaned to Hanahlii over the videoscreen.- Ordinarily the Toa of Lightning would have felt a twinge of sympathy for her boss, but not this time.- "You send me out to Ta-Wiki all the time, and Xondahis testifies on all of our cases. You barely ever go, unless you are summoned or required by law." She grinned, "Get over it. If you didn't want to go, you shouldn't have handled the entire case by yourself."- As the founder and lead Investigator of Ko-Wiki based The Detective's Company, Tomana (the Detective of the company name, under whose license the others operated) had pulled rank and done all the work himself, forensics and ground-work, to uncover and bring down a smuggling ring. Consequently, he was tied up at the Great Courthouse until the trial was over.- "Remember," Tomana changed the subject, "we weren't able to satisfactorily link the group I took down with the Ringmaster, as our mole said we should have, nor were we able to find that Toa."- When Hanahlii had vindicated a candidate for, and now current holder of, the office of Le-Wiki District Attorney some months before, she had been able to information from a now deceased source that the Ringmaster had been funding the ring Tomana had brought down. Spawn had gone after the sniper that had shot the mole, but his quarry had disappeared just like Tomana's kidnapper had. Spawn could only say that the two were the same Toa. The Shadow Toa rockstar was about to start throwing Shadow bolts first and not bother with asking question, not when it might mean getting his man.- "Give Spawn full freedom to search for that Toa," Tomana said grimly, "I want him in the interrogation rooms at our Ta-Wiki office before I'm done with this trial. I have questions."- There was a loud whoop behind Hanahlii, followed by the sounds of Spawn grabbing his special pack and slamming the door as he ran out.- "He was always a bit enthusiastic about playing "Hide and Seek" while we were Matoran wasn't he?" Tomana smiled, and then slowly began to double over in laughter, Hanahlii joining in.* - * - *- "Have the Detectives been able to find anything?" Twilav drank the glass of water that Eleven handed him. Tomana had assigned Eleven, Toa of Air and Cheif of the Le-Wiki Police, to keep the Toa Effigia apprised of what they knew about the Ringmaster, which wasn't much.- "Tomana is in court testifying against a crime ring we suspect was funded and organized by the Ringmaster, but we can't get them to make a deal." Eleven grimaced at how little they knew about this master criminal. Even the species that the Ringmaster belonged to was a mystery.- "And the mysterious Toa?"- "Nothing, but Spawn is on the case. Tomana has given him full autonomy on this one. The Effigia have any leads?"- "Nothing that you don't know. Lord Oblivion and Biostane have done their best but-"- "They're oblivious?" Eleven grinned.- The two Toa looked at each other silently for a moment, then simultaneously let out a long "YEEEEAAAAAAAH!", their laughter echoing around the well-lit Onu-Wiki cavern the Effigia used as a headquarters. It was owned by Lord Oblivion, under his real name Xetrax of course. He had been wealthy as a Matoran, owning a mining company that had excavated the cavern roughly a year before the Detectives and Effigia had become Toa. When the Effigia had developed their extra powers, Xetrax had allowed them to practice there and eventually it had become their home.- "I sent Shad after the Toa last week. I don't expect to hear back from him for a while," Twilav said when they had calmed down.- "Ummm..." Eleven rubbed his Miru, "Spawn doesn't know Shadonix is out there... And you know how those two get."- "Oh..."- "This is going to be..."- "Bad, but interesting. Whoever catches interrogates?"- "Deal!"* - * - *- Shadonix, Toa Effigia of Shadow, used his secondary power of Explosions to send the door of Apartment 153 flying. Blanketing the rooms in Shadow, he rushed in shouting "Weapons down and hands up! Toa Effigia Snapdragon would like to have a word."- A ball of Fire came hurtling out of the darkness. Shadonix neutralized it by enveloping it in Shadow, letting the cover of dark fall away. The Skakdi he was hunting fired another volley out of a gun-shaped device. Shadonix dodged and snapped his fingers, causing the device to explode in its owner's hands.- "Put your hands over your head." Shadonix commanded, glaring at the Skakdi. The Skakdi took a step towards a sword hung on the wall. Shadonix held up a hand with his fingers poised to snap, saying "Step away from the weapon or it'll be your leg armor next."- The Skakdi paused and slowly moved to the center of the room he was in, raising he hands.- "Now," Shadonix pulled a sketches that Xetrax had made using Tomana's description and Spawn's camera shots, "I want you to give me information about this Toa." He walked over and held them up in front of the Skakdi's face.- "And why should I?" Shadonix's captive crossed his arms.- "I won't knock you out to leave you to be handled by the Wiki Nui police, with evidence of the crimes you've committed for the Ringmaster, courtesy of the Toa Effigia."- "Hmph," the Skakdi shook his head, "That Toa won't be let the likes of you get anywhere near her. The Ringmaster doesn't let just anyone into his inner ring."- "Inner ring, eh? Where can I find him."- "Him?" The Skakdi laughed, "The Ringmaster doesn't exactly let us common criminals know where he stays. For all I know he could be right downstairs in Apartment 53."- "I meant the Toa."- "Oh, I have only ever met her at-" he stopped as he heard sirens.- "Go on," Shadonix urged, "Someone had to have reported the explosion."- When the Skakdi explained, Shadonix put away the sketches. "I know that place," he grinned. "Tell the police that Toa Effigia Snapdragon ran through here, pursuing some criminal Toa."* - * - *- Spawn stepped down into the De-Shelek, a Ta-Wiki music club that he and Shadonix had debuted their old band in. He hadn't been in there since he had become a Toa. All over the large open room sat musicians with instruments in hand, silent at the moment as they listened to an old band called the Gukko play a long-time hit of theirs, Hotel Wiki Nui. When the all-male group of Vortixx finished, the whole club clapped and slowly began to slip into the chaos of several dozen musicians rehearsing.- "Angelus!" the owner called to Spawn by his stage name, "long time no see. Looking for fresh talent for the band? I know a few promising ones I can send over."- "Studio doesn't open for another month, Norak," Spawn smiled beneath his black Hau, "but go ahead and send some of the good ones to me when it does. I'm here on Detective business," Spawn pulled out the sketches Xetrax had made. "I'm looking for information on this Toa."- "Hmmm.... back of the room, right corner, tuning an old-fashioned acoustic guitar."- "The Water Toa?"- "No, can't you listen?" Norak, a De-Matoran, had learned to by instinct to listen to anything he wanted. The downside was that he thought everyone else should be able to as well. "She's just listening to how the instrument sounds, it actually belongs to the Matoran in front of her. I meant the Toa in shiny black armor with gold filigree. She's a regular, and a Toa of Light despite her armor."- "And she will know about this guy?"- "No," Norak grinned up at Spawn, "she is the Toa you are looking for."- Spawn looked at the Toa and then at the drawing. She was.- "Grab her!" Spawn yelled over the din of the practicing players.- A trio of Skakdi near her saw who had yelled and who he meant, but as they moved to catch the Toa of Light she ran towards the back door. Spawn ran at her, the sea of people parting for him as instantly as he took off, he was a minor legend outside the club but a major legend inside it. Spawn threw a bolt of Shadow at his target, catching her in the shoulder. She made it to the door, but as she opened it Spawn tackled her, falling through the open doorway and into a vortex of energy. They crashed to the ground, but not in the street Spawn knew to be beyond the De-Shelek backdoor.- The Toa at whose feet they had slammed backpedaled.- "Spawn?" a shocked Shadonix nearly yelled.- "No," Spawn grunted, "I'm Makuta himself. A little help?"- Shadonix moved to help, but hesitated. He wasn't in his Effigia armor, public action without activated armor on was the the top of the Forbidden list for an Effigia, and unless something distracted the people staring at him, Spawn and the Toa he had been heading across town to arrest he wasn't sure he was able to do anything.- His hesitation was all the Toa needed to push Spawn off and then down everyone around with a blast of Light.- Spawn rolled to his feet and took off after her, drawing a disc from his pack and throwing it at the fleeing Toa. It grazed her mask, shooting out wires that grappled around her head, making her stumble. Spawn caught up and snapped a pair of handcuffs on her wrists.- Shadonix took the advantage of people being distracted to activate the tech inside his armor, shifting it to "Snapdragon Mode". Clapping his hands he sent a wave of explosions down the street and around Spawn and the Toa. He ran down the street amidst the cries of "Look, it's Snapdragon!" and dove into the hole in the street he'd made.- "This is personal," Shadonix grunted as he rolled across the floor of the underground tunnel, ending up close enough to snap a second pair of cuffs around the ankles of the unconscious Toa of Light, "and I'm not letting you best me again, buddy." He grinned at Spawn, who was slowly getting up from beneath some light rubble. "Besides, as I understand it, our catch, our interrogation."- Shadonix touched the side of his Avohkki, turning on an embedded transmitter so he could talk to Cryptod. "Biostane," he said, enunciating so that each word would be understood, "I have apprehended a suspect. Report to my position and take her back to home base. She's a Light Element, High Priority."- "Hands off my arrest," Spawn stumbled to his feet.- "Really?" Shadonix kept grinning as Crptod appeared, "Two on one, one power against five?"- "Hey!" Cryptod looked up from kneeling beside the Toa, "You remembered the Shape-Shifting. By the way, she's a Toa of Light?"- "Yeah. It seems she like to play with her armor like we do."- "I said 'Hands off' ," Spawn pushed Cryptod away from the Toa, "Now lets do this the easy way and have you two leave before I just go Angelus on your-"- "Haha!" Shadonix laughed, "I'd like to see how Tomana would react to that one."- "Then I'll just Nova and-"- "You'd destroy the entire city!" Crytod's eyes went wide.- "Would I? Would I really?" Spawn smiled, his voice playful. "We can always find out."- Shadonix knew that tone of voice. It meant Spawn was about to try the impossible, and even when they were Matoran failing at the impossible wasn't one of Spawn's strong attributes.- "Get us out of here," Shadonix grabbed Cryptod by the shoulder. His partner nodded, and as the air around Spawn grew dark with the Shadow energy he was absorbing, the two Effigia teleported far beyond the boundaries of Wiki Nui to a small islet.- Spawn just smiled.* - * -*- In Ta-Wiki, in the offices that Tomana had rented in the Great Courthouse the Toa of Light and personal agent of the Ringmaster, Laria, sat in a darkened interrogation room bound with chains that drained her Elemental powers. She had been there alone she didn't know how long. The door banged open, making her jump. No light entered with the sound of footsteps. A cold voice spoke to her out of the darkness.- "We have a lot to talk about," Tomana sat down in the chair across from her, instinctively knowing where it was.- "And we have plenty of time to talk about it all," Spawn said from behind her.- It was time for answers.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Well Guys and Gals here is the next installment of the Heads and Tails story series. Written and posted, as usual, out of order, this one references two stories you haven't heard yet, one in the past and one in the future. The reference to the future isn't bladfaced, so make sure to look at who the characters are, and if you don't know their RL counterparts, look them up on here or over at BS01. I'm sure you can find something on them!Make sure you read the other stories in the H&T series, you can post about any of the old ones in the new story topics, or maybe I will eventually set up a library for that. Either way, read up and catch up!

  • 0

#2 Offline Grant-Sud

Grant-Sud
  • Members
  • Defender of the Page

  • 490 posts
  •  

Posted Dec 15 2011 - 01:21 AM

Alright so just a few things I didn't like. We're going to get those out of the way first, so I can tell you what I did like. Bad stuff first, good stuff last."That Toa won't be let the likes of you get anywhere near her.""She had been there alone she didn't know how long."Those are the only two immediate grammar mistakes I could find. Really, mistakes that everyone makes. And I wish I only make two for every story I write. x)There are two plot points I feel are a little off... When Spawn sees the Toa of Light in the distance, he yells for the Skakdi to catch her. The problem is he shouts this, so everyone can hear, including the Toa. Personally I felt like he should have gotten closer to her, or signaled silently for the Skakdi guards to move in. :/The other point was with the final confrontation between Spawn and Shad. I just can't see Shadonix buying the fact that Spawn would go nova. xP I mean, he'd kill all those Matoran and maybe himself. I just can't see anyone taking that bluff. (the dialogue for it was good though)NOW got those out of the way, and really those are nitpicks. This story wasn't as dark as Twelve Steps was, but it regained the more lighthearted and main settings that's known in your detective stories. Great dialogue and banter, pretty good descriptions and the overall plot was solid. (For any reader, again though as stated, you should go read a few other Detective stories just so you know who's who and what's going on) Really these are like chapters, or parts of a story in the Heads or Tails Arc, and I'm finding it interesting. I really want to know who the female Toa is, what's the Ringmaster's plan and how are they going to stop him... It's really leading up to a climax soon and I can't wait for the next part.Nice job as always Tomana!
  • 0




0 user(s) are browsing this forum

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users