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In Our Bones Review


Pahrak Model ZX

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  • 3 weeks later...

I've been meaning to read these chapters, but I haven't had the time to until now. So sorry about that.

 

Anyways, I've really enjoyed these first three chapters. I like that you are giving Gen 1 names to the Protectors and Skull Characters. I think that was a really cool thing to do. I also like that you show the motivations of the Skull Characters, showing why they want to rid Okoto of the Protectors. Its like what you did with Makuta in you last epic. It expands theirs characters and it almost makes me hope that they win in the end. :P

 

Again, sorry I didn't get to reading this sooner. I look forward to reading the coming chapters!

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Everyone is one choice away from being the bad guy in another person's story.


 


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Oh, please don’t apologize; I thank you for your interest in the story! :D

 

I wasn’t sure how the names would be received—I knew I should actually use names this time, and I thought using names from G1 would fit with the reboot and provide some unique-to-Bionicle allusions, but with people already having such strong associations with these names I was a little worried.  I’m also glad to hear the characters seem interesting!  At first I was going to make them all good people caught up in bad circumstances like I did with Makuta, but then I thought I should try something different this time around, and tried to make Spiriah as despicable as possible.

 

The Fourth Break is ready to go—I might make some last minute edits, but I’ll definitely post it tomorrow!
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Mm, very nice writing so far. And I like the use of G1 names, although I'm still trying to swallow the idea of Dalu and Orkahm as villains. So this is kind of an Okoto divided between the skull warriors and the villagers, with monsters falling from the sky instead of Toa?

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( The bunny slippers hiss and slither into the shadows. ) -Takuaka: Toa of Time

What if the Toa you know best were not destined to be? Interchange: The epic begins

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This is my version of Okoto 100,000 years before the Toa.  The planetary alignment happens every 100,000 years, and when it does, a "timeless spirit" lands on Okoto and allies with whoever finds it first.  The only ones remaining are the Skull Scorpion, who arrived 100,000 years ago, and the Lord of Skull Spiders, who just arrived.  In 100,000 years the Toa will arrive, but that will be the first time that multiple spirits have appeared at once, so they're definitely different somehow.

 

The Fourth Break is up!  Orkahm is our focus this time around, and we find out a surprising secret he's been keeping.

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Orkahm mentioned Spiriah wanted immortality in The Fourth Break, and I was trying to point to it in The Third Break with Spiriah freaking out over Dalu's near-death experience.  I was worried that I should have worked in more about Spiriah's fear of death, though, and I probably should have had him at least tinkering with some sort of prototype of the immortality device earlier on.  I'll try to work those things in better in future stories!

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This was a fun read; you fleshed out the Skull characters really well. Quick question: are you the same person who wrote the Mask Maker fic a while back? Because I recognize the writing style and how the chapters were named. If you are, I hope you continue this storyline you have going on to when the Toa arrive. 

 

If you aren't, I apologize for the confusion. This was really good!

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"Ten thousand futures have I looked at. A hundred thousand. And in only one does mankind finally unite, and flourish...and survive. Only one. Doomworld."

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Thank you so much!  Yes, I did write The Time of the Mask Makers, and both that story and this one are part of a connected series I'm trying to start (Okoto 579, or just O579).  I want to do one more story for the 2015 arc, but I'll be skipping over the bulk of the Toa's journey since my version isn't much different from the webisodes canon...for the winter wave, at least; obviously it's impossible to know for the summer episodes, but my planned point of major divergence (where this third story will start) is at the climax of the year's story.  Right now I'm writing it as a one-shot, but if it gets too long I may split it into two or three chapters.  More on that later, though!

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