BIONICLE 2001 Abridged

[Toru Nui]

You know the drill. Two parts today.

 

Part 64: Odds of Success

 

Pekka’s shop was now empty. All the goods were gone, with a sign saying WILL COME BACK LATER.

 

“Ah, here’s my, Hafu’s boat!” Hafu gestured to a boat anchored to the ground.

 

“You sure it’s safe?”

 

“Perfectly. I, Hafu, built it, after all.”

 

“You are SO full of yourself that it’s not even funny.”

 

“Well, it’s up to THEM-“ Pohatu pointed to you reading this post. “-to decide that.”

 

“Who are them? And why are you here?”

 

“The Po-Matoran aren’t in Po-Koro. Shocker, I know.”

 

“Hmm… I, Hafu wonder where they could have gone. We, the Po-Matoran have no other places to go.”

 

“I followed footprints in the sand to here. I guess they must have taken the boats someplace.”

 

“At least they did not take my, Hafu’s boat.”

 

“They must really respect your work.”

 

“Indeed! There is no carver on Mata-Nui greater than I, Hafu! I, Hafu, have-“

 

“Oh don’t start that again!”

 

Jaller and Onepu came up behind Pohatu, huffing and panting.

 

“Could… *huff* you… *pant* TRY… to slow down?”

 

“I COULD, but I don’t want to.”

 

“I’m beginning to question the possibility of success.”

 

“Beginning?”

 

“Shut up. We need to find the Po-Matoran. Where would they-“

 

Suddenly they all had a brief flicker of intelligence.

 

“TA-KORO!!!”

 

“Quick! We, us, must go!”

 

“Hang on… let us…”

 

“Fine. You can rest here for a moment.”

 

“Slow pokes. See you later!”

 

And thus, the idiot sped off.

 

“WAIT! Come back here you moron!”

 

“*sigh* I’m CONTINUING to question the possibility of success.”

 

SUCCESS IS UNCERTAIN

WHAT IS CERTAIN IS THE FACT THAT NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO THEY WILL STILL FIND SOME WAY TO SCREW IT UP

IT IS COMEDY 101

Edited September 28, 2015 by Toru Nui

[Toru Nui]

I noticed that I accidentally combined two parts together. And since I'm a like-grubbing lunatic, I'm separating them.

 

Part 65: Even Dark Lords Get Visitors

 

*DING DONG*

 

“YES?”

 

“Package for Mr. Makuta, courtesy of-“

 

“YES, YES, SHUT UP. COME IN.”

 

A tall black and purple figure entered the room.

 

“I see you have not redecorated since I last came here. And for Mata Nui’s sake, turn a light o-“

 

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

 

“I said turn a light on-“

 

“NEVER SAY THAT NAME IN MY PRESENCE EVER AGAIN! HE IS NO GOD, UNDERSTAND?!”

 

“Ah, of course. My apologies mate. I have what you asked for.”

 

The figure revealed a small cardboard box and handed it to Makuta.

 

“YES… AFTER ALL THESE YEARS…”

 

He tore the box to shreds to reveal…

 

“THE MASK OF SHADOWS, IS MINE ONCE MORE!!! NO MORE PEERING THROUGH THE EYES OF RAHI! WITH THIS MASK, I CAN MANIFEST MYSELF AND PEER THROUGH ANY SHADOW IN THE UNIVERSE! OF COURSE THAT’S EXHAUSTING, BUT I CAN DO IT ANYWAY.”

 

“All well and good I assume? You must know I went to a great deal to get that mask.”

 

“I DON’T CARE.”

 

“It took years of scrounging around the Southern Islands, but I got it!”

 

“I CAN GUESS.”

 

“At some times it seemed hopeless, but nevertheless, I did it! Achieved what some say was impossible!”

 

“I’M NOT LISTENING.”

 

“And now, I have satisfied my lord (and employer) by bringing back what is his by right!”

 

“SHUT UP. I HAVE A NEW TASK FOR YOU.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“TAKE THIS MAP, AND HEAD TO THE SPOT NAMED TA-KORO. MY RAHI WILL ALLOW YOU PASSAGE.”

 

“And what will I do in this… oddly placed… place…?”

 

“DESTROY EVERYTHING. DON’T WORRY, IT SHOULD BE ABANDONED, BUT IF IT ISN’T, SPARE ANY TOA OR TURAGA YOU COME ACROSS. YOU CAN KILL ANY MATORAN.”

 

“Ah. Well then, I’m off to a nice vacation in a volcano. Cheerio.”

 

“OH, AND ONE LAST THING.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“WHAT DID YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS?”

 

“I have no name. But most call me… Eliminator.”

 

EARLY BIRD APPEARANCE

Edited November 26, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Toru Nui]

Part 66: Not Exactly a Romantic Cable Car Ride

 

“Wow, Ta-Matoran are dumb. They even left the keys in this thing.”

 

“Heh. Macku ALWAYS leaves the keys in her ignition; it’s how everyone is able to steal her boat so well. This raises the question of how she was able to get it back after Takua stole it…”

 

A few hours ago…

 

“Hey Hahli! You brought my boat back!”

 

“Um… Sure…”

 

A few more hours ago…

 

“Excellent! With this boat and disguise device I can disguise myself as a Ga-Matoran and infiltrate Ga-Koro!”

 

Present day…

 

“…I’m sure it doesn’t matter though.”

 

“I’d ask what you’re talking about if I cared. Now hang on tight!”

 

The cable car started to choke up smoke and travelled up into the cold airs of Ko-Wahi.

 

“Bah! Could this thing go any slower?! Stupid cheap Ta-Matoran contract labour…”

 

“I think Onu-Matoran made this.”

 

“…I mean stupid cheap ONU-Matoran contract labour.”

 

“Whatever. By the way, I think I’ve heard that before…”

 

“I don’t care. MATA NUI, it’s cold up here!”

 

They were now entering the Ko-Wahi wastes. The car came to a stop as they reached their destination.

 

“Maybe we should have brought something like a scarf. Or boots. Or coats.”

 

“You were in charge of packing supplies!”

 

“I did! I brought a chocolate bar.”

 

“…That’s all you brought?”

 

“Well I also brought a pebble. For self-defence.”

 

“…Vhisola. That one pebble you have?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I just thought of the PERFECT way I can use it.”

 

CENSORED

Edited November 19, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Toru Nui]

Part 67: Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to Work we go…

 

The Onu-Matoran workforce was now fully supplied with Lightstones, thanks to Takua.

 

“Everyone has their Lightstone sir.”

 

“Excellent. Now it is only a matter of time before-“

 

“Finished.”

 

Taipu had just broken through the rock separating Onu-Wahi from Le-Wahi.

 

“What.”

 

“We’re finished. Wow. Le-Wahi looks wonderful!”

 

“You mean to tell me I went back and forth over a dangerous river of lava, and YOU WERE NEARLY FINISHED THE ENTIRE TIME?!”

 

“Well, the Lightstones helped.”

 

Then, Onepu burst in.

 

“Sir! We need to get to Ta-Koro now! The Po-Matoran might be there!”

 

“…Nuparu, the emergency gate.”

 

“Rodger.” Nuparu pressed a button.

 

“What was that?”

 

“The emergency gate for the Ta-Koro tunnel. It’s made of out pure Protosteel so they’re almost indestructible.”

 

“WAIT A MINUTE SO YOU COULD CLOSE THE TUNNEL TO TA-KORO WITHOUT BLOWING IT UP? WHY COULDN’T YOU DO THAT BEFORE?!”

 

“The batteries were out then. We’ve replaced them now.”

 

“You’re kidding.”

 

“Sadly no.”

 

“Wait, why did you activate the gate?”

 

“If the Po-Matoran are in Ta-Koro, they cannot attack us without breaching the gate. And that will take a while.”

 

“Oh OK. By the way I noticed the tunnel is finished.”

 

“It is?”

 

“Where did you come from?!”

 

“Wait a minute the tunnel is finished? Why did we need the Lightstones?”

 

“That’s what I said! Not in those exact words but still.”

 

“I, Hafu, cannot feel that the word: pointless is adequate to describe the current situation.”

 

“How do people keep getting in here?”

 

“The front door.”

 

“You people are idiots.”

 

“Was that really necessary?”

 

“Is Pohatu necessary?”

 

“I’m fairly certain I am. You and me? We’re the main characters.”

 

“I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“He’s talking about how he’s necessary.”

 

“Guys?”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“What he’s talking about!”

 

“Guys…”

 

“He’s talking about-“

 

“That wasn’t a question!”

 

“Yes, there wasn’t a question mark at the end of his sentence.”

 

“What is he talking about now?”

 

“GUYS!”

 

“WHAT, Onepu?!”

 

“Taipu is gone.”

 

“Well where is he?”

 

*Birds chirping in the treetops of Le-Wahi*

 

“…Welp, we were going there anyway.”

 

“Welp?”

 

ONEPU IS THE SOUND A CHOCOBO MAKES

Edited December 11, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Toru Nui]

Part 68: The (Very Little) Wisdom of Tehutti

 

“Gentlemen!” Tehutti paced up and down inside his new large hut, addressing his most prestigious followers, AKA the ones who sucked up to him the most. “We stand at the threshold, of a new island order!

 

For too long we have put up with the senseless ramblings of Turaga. From now on, the Matoran shall be ruled BY a Matoran! Namely, me. Any objections?”

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

“That’s what I thought. Now, we shall begin by ditching this popsicle stand and migrating to a new home base! Specifically…” He pointed to the centre of Mata-Nui on a map behind him. “Here, Kini-Nui. It shall be the threshold on which our glorious Koro shall rise! The only problem is the vast amount of Rahi on the site. Therefore, I have a solution…”

 

He ripped the map from the wall to reveal blueprints for a giant robot.

 

“I *ahem* REQUISITIONED this from Nuparu’s mountainous list of scrapped ideas. However, he failed to give it a name, and so I have dubbed it the Makuta and Rahi Killer, or M.a.R.K for short.

 

It will take time, metal and resources, but eventually I believe we can make this beauty come to reality, and with it, our new home, the end of the Rahi Wars, and the subjugation of the lesser breeds! WE SHALL-“ He tripped over his own foot.

 

“*ahem* That never happened gentlemen.”

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

“What are you standing around for? Go! Prepare the workers for construction! I want this done within the day! The Te-Matoran will rise from the dank caves of their Onu-Matoran oppressors, embrace their destiny as the enforcers of the Great Spirit's will and CONQUER ALL OF MATA NUI!!!”

 

NAPOLEON IN BIONICLE FORM

Edited December 11, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Petewa]

Except that Napoleon was known for being short, and Tehutti was the tallest Onu-Matoran in set form.

[Toru Nui]

Except that Napoleon was known for being short, and Tehutti was the tallest Onu-Matoran in set form.

 

That was only because he was in the standard Matoran form. When the Matoran were all put in Matoran Pods, their physical forms were gradually diminished, so Tehutti could be considered short.

 

But thanks for bringing that up.

 

Part 69: Crack Pairing

 

“*singing* Oh it’s a long way to Le-Wahi, to my lost mask, we just needed to go to Le-Wahi, was that too much to ask? Oh it’s a long-“

 

*Sound of a door opening*

 

“…The Karzahni was that? Oh well. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not import-“

 

“Scuse me mate, but do you know the way to Ta-Koro?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Oh. Well then sorry.”

 

“No, I should be the one who’s sorry, I-“

 

“You clearly aren’t useful to me so I’m afraid I’ll just have to kill you.”

 

“You son of a-“

 

“Quiet. Prepare to die, old chap. Say hello to the Great Spirit for me.”

 

Eliminator landed several blows on Onua before he could retaliate. Onua started clawing his way to Eliminator’s digestive tract, but wasn’t even half done once Eliminator picked him up by the throat and started choking him (no small feat considering Onua’s weight). He then prepared to poke Onua’s eyes out.

 

“Lights out, hunchback.”

 

“I AM NOT A HUNCH-*choke*”

 

Before Eliminator could pop Onua’s peepers, he got a call from a certain spirit of destruction.

 

“Can this wait? I’m in the middle of something.”

 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU IMBECILE?! I TOLD YOU NOT TO KILL THE TOA, THEY’RE VITAL TO OUR PLAN!”

 

“Well I don’t know the difference between Matoran, Toa and Turaga!”

 

“WHAT. THE ACTUAL. KARZAHNI?! YOU DON’T KNOW?!”

 

“There aren’t many Toa in my former organization, and… well, you know my specialty…”

 

“TURAGA ARE OLD AND SHORT, MATORAN ARE YOUNG AND SHORT AND TOA ARE MIDDLE-AGED AND TALL.”

 

“…What about hunchbacks?”

 

“GO TO-*choke*”

 

“HE’S A TOA AS WELL.”

 

“Wait, how do you know that I’m-“

 

“I HAVE THE MASK OF SHADOWS BACK NOW IDIOT. I CAN SEE THROUGH EVERY SHADOW OF EVERY PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE!!! OF COURSE IT’S EXHAUSTING, SO PLEASE DON’T ATTACK ANY TOA, OR AT LEAST DON’T KILL THEM, OR SERIOUSLY INJURE THEM.”

 

“Oh. OK then. Cheerio.”

 

“Can you let go of me no-*choke*”

 

“Why yes, I will. As soon as you get your fingers of my crotch.”

 

“OH COME ON! That has to hurt a LITTLE!”

 

“Oh it hurts A LOT. I’m just not showing it. Seriously, stop.”

 

WHY DO YOU NOT JUST CHOKESLAM HIM

[Petewa]

 

Except that Napoleon was known for being short, and Tehutti was the tallest Onu-Matoran in set form.

 

That was only because he was in the standard Matoran form. When the Matoran were all put in Matoran Pods, their physical forms were gradually diminished, so Tehutti could be considered short.

No shorter than anybody else.

[Toru Nui]

No shorter than anybody else.

Yes but ALL Matoran are short (and this isn't racism they ARE), compared to the other major races of the Matoran Universe, Toa, Skakdi, Steltian, Vortixx, etc.

 

Part 70: Beachhead

 

“How long have they been gone?”

 

“Twenty minutes.”

 

“Really? Seemed like twenty-one.”

 

A boat carrying Hewkii and Macku arrived on the beach. So did another boat carrying Gali, but she was going too fast and ended up headfirst in the sand. She then poked her head up like an ostrich.

 

“Turaga, please, there must be some other more reasonable course of action!”

 

“I don't understand what you're babbling about, so please enlighten me.”

 

“Look, we know the Ta-Matoran struck first, but surely you two can reason with Vakama?”

 

“No we can’t. He’s as stubborn as a… as a… stubborn person.”

 

“Although Onewa might have put it rather… stupidly, he’s right. Vakama simply cannot be reasoned with. Unless you’re holding a sharp object to his throat, in which case, he can be bargained with.”

 

“Well why don’t you do that?”

 

“That’s not the Ga-Matoran way.”

 

“Neither is attacking Ta-Koro.”

 

“Ta-Koro? We’re not attacking Ta-Koro! Not yet anyway…”

 

“Then… what are you doing here?”

 

“Setting up camp for when we DO assault Ta-Koro.”

 

“You see, we have constructed an elite team of diplomats currently traversing the Ko-Wahi landscape to explain our plight with Turaga Nuju, so he can send reinforcements. Ta-Koro may have the best guards and the best fortifications, but not even they can surmount to the might of three Koros!”

 

“He is correct, except for one detail:”

 

Meanwhile in Ko-Wahi…

 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING LET GO OF MEEEEEEEE!!!”

 

“It’s amazing what you can do with a pebble, NOW STOP STRUGGLING!!!”

 

“HAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLPPPPP!!!”

 

Back to the beach…

 

“…Well that doesn’t surprise me in the least.”

 

“OK, maybe I over-exaggerated a little-“

 

“A little?”

 

“But perhaps you can help them! You are a Toa, after all.”

 

“Fine. But I am NOT happy about this strategy.”

 

“That’s understandable. But bear in mind we are doing this for a just cause. Hehehehehehe-ignore the laugh. I was just thinking about something Hafu said earlier.”

 

“Something hilariously egotistical?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Wait; is this the same Matoran you force to spend MONTHS in the hot scorching desert no doubt ravaging his mind?”

 

“Oh no that’s someone different, uh…”

 

“…His name is Uh?”

 

“Um, yes!”

 

“Oh it was an M. I couldn’t tell, you said it so silently.”

 

“Oh yes! Um. He’s a nice guy. He actually enjoys being in the desert, making statues all day long. It’s kind of his hobby. Like knitting but on steroids. And drugs. And quite possibly alchohol. Maybe even drugs. Did I mention steroids?”

 

YES

YES YOU DID

[Toru Nui]

Part 71: Desperately Seeking Taipu

 

Tahu, Pohatu, Takua, Jaller, Hahli and Hafu were walking along in the jungles of Le-Wahi, in search of Taipu, navigating their way through green and vine, and making as much fun of the opening of the Lost Ark as possible.

 

“OK, it is very clear to me that there is NOWHERE on this island that is remotely habitable.”

 

“What are you talking about now?”

 

“Ta-Wahi is a scorched wasteland, Ga-Wahi is ravaged by storms every day of the week, Po-Wahi is a bleak, endless desert, Onu-Wahi is the exact same but with rock instead of sand, and Le-Wahi is this thick monotonous jungle.”

 

“Wait a minute, what about Ko-Wahi?”

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

“Sorry.”

 

“This is stupid. Why travel in twists and turns when I can just BURN this jungle to the ground?!”

 

“That wouldn’t be good for the environment.”

 

“And you care?”

 

“No, but you asked for a reason why we couldn’t and I gave you one.”

 

“…If I ever go evil and/or crazy, you will be the first to die.”

 

“The feeling is mutual. We wouldn’t be heroes if we weren’t constantly bickering over stupid reasons and trying to kill each other.”

 

“Would you all just shut up?! We have to find Taipu!”

 

“Wait, we, us, were supposed to find Taipu and then go back to Onu-Koro?”

 

“YES!”

 

“I, Hafu found him ten minutes ago and he’s been following us, we, ever since.”

 

“Hi guys!”

 

“Never mind, THEY will die first. You second. Technically third.”

 

“Whoa, you guys… look very alike.”

 

“He can’t be like me! He has a hammer!”

 

“He, Taipu, can’t be like me, Hafu! He, Taipu has a pickaxe!”

 

“Plus you have different masks.”

 

“Oh yes, that’s important as well.”

 

“OK, now we can go back and you two can go get back your Golden Mask.”

 

“Technically it’s his.”

 

“Yes, I was talking to him.”

 

“Then why did you say “you two”?”

 

“Because I was speaking to him to take you to get your Golden Mask!”

 

“Then why didn’t you say-“

 

“If you two continue I will barbecue both of your pancreas.”

 

“I’ll shut up.”

 

“Well, come on Taipu!”

 

“I want to stay though! This jungle is amazing!”

 

“Yes yes yes it’s breath-taking, but it’s also dangerous! This entire place is crawling with Rahi! One could even swoop out of the trees right now, pick you up and take you to its nest!”

 

And a Nui-Rama did.

 

“SOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYY…”

 

“Could everyone just STOP tempting Makuta and generally being a jerk for five minutes?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Nah.”

 

“Nuh uh.”

 

“I, Hafu am afraid not.”

 

“Oh come on! That would suck all the fun out of this!”

 

“WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I HATE MATORAN, TOA AND TURAGA RIGHT NOW!”

 

HE COULD BUT THEY ARE ALL SWEAR WORDS

AND THERE ARE NO REAL SWEAR WORDS IN BIONICLE

EXCEPT IN BAD FANFICTION

WHICH THIS IS

BUT THIS HAS CLASS

[Toru Nui]

Part 72: One Two Three Four There’s the Traitor at the Door

 

Tehutti was sitting in his chair, musing over his “inevitable” victory over the “inferior” breeds of Matoran, when he had a visitor.

 

*KNOCK KNOCK*

 

“Go away.”

 

*KNOCK KNOCK*

 

“*sigh* Who’s there?”

 

“The.”

 

Tehutti was getting frustrated now (as he did so easily) and went over to answer the door.

 

“The what?”

 

The door suddenly burst open, slamming Tehutti against the wall.

 

“THE DOOR! PAHAHAAAHAHAAHAHHAHAHH!”

 

“*groan*”

 

Ahkmou slammed the door back and took out a slug in a glass box.

 

“Do you know what this is?”

 

“No…”

 

“This is a Kraata. Stage One, to be precise. A little something I took from Makuta after he fired me.”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Who are you?”

 

“I am Ahkmou, we’ve met before, but you probably don’t remember. I work for Makuta. Or I USED to anyway. But I know how to get back in his good graces…”

 

“And why have you come to me?!”

 

“Makuta wants to spread discord and mayhem among the Koros, and I know you HATE Whenua, so I was hoping to start a rebellion, but you’ve kinda already done that…”

 

“Nuh uh! REVOLUTION! There’s a difference.”

 

“Shut up. So here’s the deal: we work together to cause chaos, but we do NOT kill anyone. Or at least we kill very few people.”

 

“What’s in this for me?”

 

“Now we come back to the Kraata. If you value your free will YOU WILL OBEY ME.”

 

“You raise an excellent point.”

 

“Heheheheh… I know.”

 

CHAOS

DISORDER

MAYHEM

WHAT LOVELY THINGS

[Petewa]

Ah, blackmail, the eternal answer to all our problems.

[Toru Nui]

Part 73: Madness? THIS! IS! LE-KORO!

 

Le-Wahi is like Kashyyk from Star Wars, it’s mostly covered in greenery, and the people who live there live on wooden plates on trees.

 

“So Orkahm, how has your day been?”

 

“It was sing-song until you showed up Tamaru.”

 

“Heheheh. That’s funny.”

 

“I’m serious, I don’t like you. Go away.”

 

“Silence! I am composing my next masterpiece…”

 

“I don’t like you, so go away as well.”

 

“Sanso, not that I don’t love-like your music, but…”

 

“But what?”

 

“They KINDA make people want to rip out their ears. And then their brains to get rid of the melody.”

 

“Barbarians. You can’t appreciate my art.”

 

“Perhaps if it was more art and less brutal slaughter of our ear-drums we might actually LET you sing without hitting you repeatedly over the head with a mallet.”

 

“Shut up! Something is coming! To your hide-spots!”

 

“Oh no!”

 

“Oh dear…”

 

“Oh bother.”

 

All the Le-Matoran immediately ran into their huts. Tahu, Pohatu, Takua, Jaller, Hahli and Hafu came up through an elevator made out of vine and bamboo.

 

“Oh great, this place is deserted too?”

 

“Who are these people?”

 

“Well if you’d stop-talk, we might find out.”

 

“Hello? Anyone here? Great. I guess they must have been abducted by the Nui-Rama as well.”

 

“…Oh hey, a flute!”

 

Takua tried to pick up the flute, but he couldn’t. He immediately started to be bludgeoned repeated by Samso with a trumpet.

 

“NEVER! TOUCH! MY! INSTRUMENTS!”

 

“OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-“

 

“SANSO YOU SLOW-THINKER! GET BACK IN HERE!”

 

“*sigh* Let’s just come out. They know we’re here now.”

 

“FINE.”

 

The Le-Matoran came out of their huts carefully and slowly. Samso stopped hitting Takua with the trumpet.

 

“OW! What is with people?!”

 

“I know it must be hard for you to grasp the concept of ownership…”

 

“WILL YOU LET IT GO?!”

 

“No.”

 

“Alright! We will fast-talk everything! But first-who the heck are you?”

 

“I am Tahu, this is Pohatu, we are Toa. These are Takua, Jaller, Hahli and…”

 

“…Why didn’t you say my, Hafu’s name?”

 

“Because of that.”

 

“I, Hafu, give up.”

 

“We get it, he’s Hafu. I’m Orkahm and this is Kongu. We’re currently running this town after the abduction of our Turaga.”

 

“He was taken by the Nui-Rama too?”

 

“No, he was taken by giant cube of gelatinous corrosive goo.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Sometimes he says things that aren’t true or he doesn’t mean. We don’t know what it is.”

 

“Sarcasm?”

 

“No that’s not it…”

 

“Ignore him, he know-nothingness.”

 

“Ignore him, he ever-furious.”

 

“Tahu, we are dealing with a strange and unknown new language here!”

 

“Well they seem to understand US.”

 

“What have you come to our humble village for, Toa-heroes?”

 

“We have come destroy the Nui-Rama hive! And for something to eat, I’m starving.”

 

“We shall feed you our signature-dish then!”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Roast-Fikou.”

 

“Nevermind, I’m not hungry.”

 

“Uh, gentle-gentlemen? The Rama are coming.”

 

“WHAT? Oh no…”

 

A swarm of Nui-Rama began flying towards Le-Koro from their hive of in the distance.

 

“I’ve-I’ve never seen so many Rahi! THEY’LL BLOT OUT THE SUN!”

 

“Then we shall fight in the SHADE!”

 

“…I like the way you think.”

 

“Thank you, I like it too.”

 

AND SO A FORCE OF 300 SPARTANS STOOD AGAINST THE ADVANCING PERSIAN-WAIT WRONG THING

[Toru Nui]

Part 74: Lewa as You’ve Never Seen him Before

 

At the Nui-Rama Hive, Lewa was cheering his troops as they went to destroy the Le-Matoran. Matau, Taipu and half of Le-Koro were chained and expanding the hive under the orders of Lewa and the Nui-Rama.

 

“Yes, YES! Go my insectoid minions! Sing your warbuzz, and release the stingers of war!”

 

“Wow… you’re really good at this whole Toa-villain thing.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Excuse me, but Toa Lewa-“

 

“That’s LORD Lewa to you!”

 

“LORD Lewa, aren’t you supposed to be a good guy?”

 

“I was never “good”, nor “evil”. These are stupid abstract concepts created by the weak to rationalize their actions.”

 

“I assumed it was made up to create conflict in works of fiction.”

 

“That too.”

 

“But aren’t you supposed to be helping your fellow Toa defeat Makuta?”

 

“That was my purpose, but the Shadow has given me new purpose, a greater purpose, to be his herald of destruction as he saves the Matoran from the oppressive rule of the Turaga!”

 

“HEY! I happen to be very popular in my Koro.”

 

“That is only because you are a tyrant who FORCES his will upon others!”

 

“One, I gently ease it on them, and two, what you're doing is different HOW?”

 

“Evil or no, the Toa will still stop you!”

 

“They are nothing compared to me! I have an army and Makuta’s blessing at my side! I will take the masks soaked in the wisdom of the darkness and FUSE them to the Toa’s screaming SKULLS!”

 

“That’s a little harsh.”

 

“It’s TOO little harsh! Mwahahahakakakakkaa!”

 

“You’ve really got the part of the demented sadist down, but you need to work on your evil laugh.”

 

“Shut your cake pie hole! Get back to work!”

 

“*sigh* I went away from a dark underground place digging to explore a lush green paradise, and I end up stuck in a dark underground place digging.”

 

“Wow. Sucks to be you.”

 

“I know…”

 

ACCEPTANCE IS THE FIRST STEP TO OVERCOMING

Edited December 11, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Petewa]

They're called grin holes.

[Toru Nui]

They're called grin holes.

“I WILL USE YOUR SPINE AS A SKIPPING ROPE IF YOU DARE TO SASS ME AGAIN!!! Have a nice day.”

 

Part 75: Battle of Le-Koro

 

“All Gukko riders, to your stations!”

 

“Actually, I think it might be better if I stayed here and-“

 

“I said ALL, slow-thinker. Now get going! Sanso, play song number seven!”

 

“I HATE number seven!”

 

“Yes but it’s the only one you’re good at!”

 

“Fine.”

 

“You, you’re with me!”

 

“Why me?”

 

“Because we both have blue masks.”

 

“OK.”

 

“Orkahm, mind taking the Ga-Matoran?”

 

“Oh no, it is perfectly OK for me to take an unskilled novice into the field.”

 

“Alright. Tamaru, take the Po-Matoran. Today we ride! And fly! We ride and fly at the same time!”

 

“Tahu, get on my back!”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I have a Mask of Speed, and you don’t.”

 

“Very well, but you will speak of this to no-one!”

 

“I won’t…” Pohatu said as he put on an evil grin, but Tahu couldn’t see as he was on his back.

 

“Is everybody ready?”

 

“NO-“

 

“LET’S RIDE AND FLY!”

 

All the Gukkos then took off, to face the enemy head on. Think of it like a dogfight between fighter jets, but with giant birds and giant insects. Play the MNOG for a better idea of how this works.

 

FLIGHT OF THE GUKKOS

Edited October 10, 2015 by Toru Nui

[Petewa]

“Why me?”

 

“Because we both have blue masks.”

 

“OK.”

Logic.

[Toru Nui]

“Why me?”

 

“Because we both have blue masks.”

 

“OK.”

Logic.

If you expected ANYTHING logical to come out of the Matoran's mouths, you obviously haven't been paying attention.

 

Part 76: Are you my Mummy?

 

“Is it finished yet?”

 

“Almost. My engineers are currently installing the AI.”

 

“AI?”

 

“Artificial intelli-“

 

“Nonono, I know what AI stands for, but where did you get one? The only one I’ve ever seen is that computer in Mangaia.”

 

“Oh I stole that from Nuparu, like I did for the blueprints for the M.a.R.K. He builds all sorts of things. Most of them useless. Such colossal brainpower and he wastes it on pointless things, like that doomsday device he never finished.”

 

“Doomsday device eh? Well enough about that, tell me what M.a.R.K stands for.”

 

“It-“

 

“NUPARU JUNIOR ONLINE.”

 

“What the-?!”

 

Ahkmou and Tehutti ran outside to see the M.a.R.K activate. It stood on two legs and starting surveying the area.

 

“YES! IT LIVES! MY CREATION LIVES!”

 

“Your creation? You didn’t build it OR design it.”

 

“Shut up, don’t ruin this for me.”

 

“THE UNIDENTIFIED PO-MATORAN IS CORRECT. MY CREATOR AND DESIGNER IS NUPARU, THE INGENIOUS INVENTOR.”

 

“Ingenious? Don’t make me laugh. Now, M.a.R.K, you-“

 

“I AM NOT M.A.R.K. I AM NUPARU JUNIOR, CREATION OF NUPARU, THE PERFECT PROGRAMMER.”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“You idiot, you didn’t recondition the AI at all! It still thinks its Nuparu’s computer, or something.”

 

“Robot! You will change your designation to M.a.R.K.”

 

“COMMAND NOT ACCEPTED. ONLY NUPARU, THE SUPREME SCIENTIST AND TURAGA WHENUA MAY INPUT COMMANDS.”

 

“Stupid machine, I am Tehutti! I created you! You only obey ME!!!”

 

“*cough*”

 

“And… him…”

 

“INCORRECT. I WAS CREATED BY NUPARU, THE TERRIFIC TECHNICIAN.”

 

“Great. Just goes to show it really DOES pay to read the manual.”

 

“But it’s full of words I don’t understand! Karzahni, I think Nuparu made most of them up!”

 

“WHERE IS NUPARU, THE GLORIOUS GENIUS?”

 

“Is that all you do? Compliment and praise Tehutti?”

 

“AND PLAY THE BEST SONGS IN ALL EXISTENCE, AS CHOSEN BY NUPARU, THE LUSTROUS LISTENER.”

 

“Such as?”

 

“FLIGHT OF THE GUKKOS BY SANSO, THE MAKUTA SONG BY AHKMOU, NUHRII’S MANY CRIES OF PAIN BY JALLER-“

 

“Oh hey, I made that second one!”

 

“ESTABLISHING IDENTITY AS AHKMOU.”

 

“*sigh* Get that thing out of my death machine’s head! We’ll have to alter it to better suit our needs.”

 

“But how? Neither of us knows how to program.”

 

“Oh please. If a dunderhead like Nuparu can do it, how hard can it be?”

 

“Oi, famous last words.”

 

“WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO GO THROUGH THE UNINSTALL PROCESS?”

 

“NO!”

 

Meanwhile, Onepu was observing what was going on the other side of Onu-Koro using binoculars.

 

“Hmm. A giant robot controlled by Tehutti. That can’t be good for us.”

 

“Onepu, I need you to come here.”

 

“Yes Turaga?”

 

“Tell me Onepu, do you know any astrologers?”

 

“Yep! Wait... why?”

 

“CRUD. THEY FOUND IT. WELL, AT LEAST THE ACCESS CODE IS SOMEWHERE SAFE. BUT I SHOULD PROBABLY CHECK ITS SHADOW JUST TO BE SUR-OH SPIRIAH.”

 

He saw a small thin metal slab lying next to an unconscious Ko-Matoran…

 

AND YOU THOUGHT THAT PART 61 HAD ABSOULUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT

Edited December 11, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Toru Nui]

Part 77: Caused Quite a Buzzing in the Hive

 

Hahli and Orkahm had crashed their Gukko inside the Nui-Rama hive. Their Gukko was fine, but it was seeing stars.

 

“I have to point out that we could have avoided this accident if you had just let me drive.”

 

“And I have to point out that we could avoided this accident if you didn’t leap on back shouting “MURDER! BLOODY MURDER!” and firing the Bamboo Discs everywhere.”

 

*CRASHING NOISES* Takua and Kongu crashed in with their Gukko as well. Fortunately, their Gukko survived. Unfortunately, so did they.

 

“Tell me, why are YOU captain of the Gukko Force?”

 

“Because I cheat-rigged the vote.”

 

“Ah, I thought it was something like that.”

 

“Could we all do something productive sometime before-“

 

“Oh hey guys. What are you doing here?”

 

“Turaga Matau! We’re so glad we found you!”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“I don’t even know who this guy is. Oh hi Taipu.”

 

“Hi.”

 

“Look, I appreciate you coming to save me-“

 

“Actually, we just crashed in here by accident.”

 

“But you have to go. Like, right now before HE comes and finds you.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Hehehheh… MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

“Hey, who the Karzahni are you?”

 

“I am Lewa, disciple of darkness!”

 

“I thought you were the butler.”

 

“I am the butler of blasphemy as well, yes.”

 

CLIFFHANGER OR ANTI-CLIMAX

YOU DECIDE

Edited November 16, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Toru Nui]

Part 78: Stick to the Plan, Stick it to the Man

 

Makuta paced around his shadowy lair. The one thing that could have gone wrong with his plan, the ONE THING, and it happened. Centuries-no, MILLENNIUMS of careful planning was about to go down the drain. No universal conquest, no brotherly revenge.

 

No utopia.

 

He had to think. Even if the Onu-Matoran were SOMEHOW able to figure out how to open the sundial, it couldn’t get out of there unless someone read the access codes from the back-up computer. That accursed thing, why didn’t he destroy it? Well, it DID contain all necessary files to continue with the plan if the main computer in Mangaia was ever put out of commission, and he was sure that Mount Ihu was the perfect place to put it. Until Matoro started climbing it on a monthly basis, that is.

 

But that wasn’t the point. The back-up had to be either retrieved or destroyed. But who to send? Ahkmou was off working with some Onu-Matoran splinter group, Lewa was running the Nui-Rama hive, and Eliminator was on his way to Ta-Koro, and in hindsight he perhaps he maybe should have given him directions.

 

So, the three stooges were unavailable. What about… no, he couldn’t send them, although they were his greatest instrument and would no doubt succeed, the damage they would to the the Matoran, their Koros and their Wahis would be catastrophic. He couldn’t unleash them… not yet anyway. So there was only one other option.

 

He focused his mind, entering the Antidermis Thought Stream. He focused his gaze upon one Rahi, in a canister elsewhere in Mangaia. He only had three of these, so they were not to be used lightly. Karzahni, sometimes he felt he didn’t control them at all. Like some other force was controlling it instead, but played along with his commands.

 

No. That would be silly. He, manipulated? He, who has shifted entire NATIONS into where he wishes them to be? Inconceivable!

 

He exited the Stream and prepared to unleash the caged beast.

 

“COMPUTER, OPEN CANISTER 001.”

 

“Affirmative.”

 

The canister opened. Makuta once again entered the Stream, and spoke into its mind.

 

“YES… RISE MY MANA-KO. RETRIEVE THE BACK-UP COMPUTER.”

 

And somewhere, on an island called Daxia, a computer screen flickered to life…

 

WHEN GRAVITY HURTS

AND EARTH IS SKY

FEAR THE SHADOW AND HIS RED EYES

Edited November 16, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Toru Nui]

Part 79: No Subplot Left Behind

 

“*groan* Uh… where am I…”

 

“Shh… you’ve been through quite the ordeal.”

 

“Ordeal? He was unconscious in the snow for Mata Nui knows how long.”

 

“I had just climbed a mountain.”

 

“Oh. Well then.”

 

“I’m Vhisola, this… abomination is Pekka.”

 

“Ignore her. By the way, can I ask you something?”

 

“Shoot.”

 

“Why was your water bottle filled with spit?”

 

“I was out of water.”

 

“You were OUT?!”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Uh huh, OK, what is ice?”

 

“…Ice?”

 

“FROZEN WATER!”

 

“That too.”

 

“Why didn’t you just heat it up?”

 

“Because I can’t, it’s colder than Makuta’s heart out here; I can’t just blow on it, or rub my hands together. Have to apply some cleverness.”

 

“So it’s impossible to melt anything out here?”

 

“Well, not unless you’re clever, like me.”

 

“So how do you survive, again, if cleverness is the only way to do so?”

 

“Wait a minute, where am I?”

 

“Your hut. Don’t you recognise it?”

 

“This isn’t mine, from all the ice statues, it must be-“

 

Kopeke entered his hut.

 

“…What are you people doing in here?”

 

AS A WISE STARFISH ONCE SAID

WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE

[Toru Nui]

Part 80: I Feel a Dark Wind on the Air

 

Pohatu rushed into the Nui-Rama Hive, carrying a dizzy and quite possibly suffering from a concussion Tahu on his back.

 

“You know, ugh… the “mind your head” sign exists for a reason.”

 

“True, but the “you must be this short to ride” sign exists too.”

 

“There is no “you must be this short” sign; there is just the “mind your head” and “you must be this tall” signs.”

 

“Welcome to your doom, brothers.”

 

“Uh… what?”

 

“Who are you?”

 

“I am Lewa, Toa of Air. And I will grind your bones into a fine powder, and use it to… to… do whatever you do with powder.”

 

“Stick things together?”

 

“That’s glue, idiot.”

 

“Enough! Prepare for destruction! And doom. And despair. And death. And darkness. Lots of things beginning with D.”

 

“Deliciousness?”

 

“Deployment?”

 

“Shut up! Now you shall-“

 

Suddenly, a familiar black figure burst through a wall.

 

“Honey, I’m home!”

 

All the Nui-Rama in the hive instantly trained their eyes on him.

 

“Oh… sssssssssugar.”

 

“Oh, I’ll take twenty lumps please. ON YOUR HEAD!”

 

Lewa leapt forward to cut Onua in half, but missed and lodged it in the ground. Didn’t last long though, as he immediately got it out and took a swing at Onua’s head, but he managed to duck and tackle him like a rugby player into a pit. Unfortunately, he went in as well with him.

 

“Hey! Oi oi! We’re over here!”

 

Pohatu rushed over to the Turaga.

 

“Don’t worry. I’m going to get you out of these chains. As soon as I figure out how.”

 

“Try stomping on them with your abnormally large shoes.”

 

“Oh… that could work.”

 

In the pit, Onua and Lewa were duking out. Onua knocked away Lewa’s axe, so Lewa responded by driving his fingers into Onua’s eyeholes.

 

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!” Lewa then smacked him and he fell to the ground, clutching his eyes.

 

“Pathetic. I hope not all of you Toa will die so easily, otherwise this will deprive me of any satisfaction-YAEHHHHHHHHEAHEHEEHHEHEHHEHE!!!”

 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU IMBECILE?! DON’T KILL HIM! THE PLAN, STICK TO THE PLAN!!!”

 

“Yesyes… of course my mast-YEMEMEMMEMEMEMMEME!!! Right, where were we?”

 

“I was sneaking up behind you.”

 

And he was. Tahu kicked Lewa into a now standing Onua, who proceeded to thank Lewa for possibly stunting his vision by trying to claw his face off, knocking off his mask by proxy.

 

Lewa felt free. Freer than he had been in a long time. His face hurt like Karzahni of course, but he was free. Perhaps it would be possible to apologize for-no wait, they were getting ready to kill him. His mistake.

 

“Consider yourself barbecue fodder, you ax-crazy son of a-“

 

“QUIET! Do not kill him!” Matau leapt into the pit, his chain cut by Pohatu. “That mask you knocked off was infected by Makuta; he had no choice but to fight you.”

 

“So I just forgive him for poking me in the peepers and trying to lop my head off?”

 

“Well… yes.”

 

“…Now I’m gonna spare him, but I am still highly offended by his previous actions.”

 

“So I… don’t get to barbecue anything?”

 

“No.”

 

“Aww…”

 

“Maybe later, when we have time.”

 

ROASTING THINGS ALIVE

A FUN PASTTIME FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

[Petewa]

ROASTING THINGS ALIVE

A FUN PASTTIME FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

And Takua.

[Toru Nui]

ROASTING THINGS ALIVE

A FUN PASTTIME FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

And Takua.

IF THIS TEXT IS NOT IN THE MATORAN LANGUAGE YOU ARE DOING THIS WRONG GO BACK TO THE START AND READ THE DISCLAIMER

 

Part 81: Renovations

 

“A little to the left… that’s it…”

 

“Wait, my left or your left?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“…Uh…”

 

“What are you prats doing now?”

 

“I’m telling Kapura where to mount this statue of Tahu in the courtyard.”

 

“That’s not a statue you idiot! That’s a slab of Tahu-shaped stone!”

 

“Great SPIRIT, where the Karzahni were you when the brains were handed out!”

 

“We get brains? Good. I’ve been using a mirror to stare in my mouth to see it, I assumed it was either black or there was none.”

 

“I could say anything, ANYTHING and you would oppose it. Stupidly. For no reason. While calling me dumb.”

 

“I would not, you halfwit!”

 

“You just did!”

 

“No I didn’t you Spiriah!”

 

“What are you doing here anyway?! I told you to watch the gate!”

 

“Oh please. The Onu-Matoran put a steel door in the way of themselves, so I seriously doubt THEY are going to attack us, besides they're the WRONG DIRECTION! WHO is gonna attack us?!”

 

“Ah, I knew this was the place. No offence mates, but I gotta kill you now. I haven’t mutilated anything for a while.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

“Feeling’s mutual, Koli-Head.”

 

“Can I put this statue down now? No? It’s rather heavy…”

 

ONE WILL DIE

[Toru Nui]

Part 82: Purple Slip

 

In a mine shaft in the back end of Onu-Koro, Whenua, Nuparu and Onepu stood around a giant sundial.

 

“Nuparu, status report.”

 

“I am 100% certain it’s a sundial.”

 

“We are making progress.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“No, sarcasm.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“What is underneath it?”

 

“How should I know?”

 

“And how do you know something’s underneath it?”

 

“I was checking to see if you did. Is there nothing else we know?”

 

“Well, it’s made out of protosteel so it’ll be almost impossible to go through it.”

 

“You’re talking like you know there’s something under it, when you don’t.”

 

“Could you invent some sort of super drill to-“

 

“Why don’t we just dig around it instead?”

 

“Why don’t we question the fact that you two came to the conclusion that something’s under the sundial, when there’s no way of knowing something’s under there.”

 

“Oh, so someone buried a giant sundial underground for no reason?”

 

“Well it WOULD be very impractical for to carry around.”

 

“You’re an idiot.”

 

“You’re an idiot!”

 

“You are both idiots, now be silent. There is an astrologer in Ga-Koro who might be able to tell us more.”

 

“Why are we fussing about this again?”

 

“We need something to distract us from the Karzahni that is life.”

 

“And you’re not worried about Tehutti building a giant robot?”

 

“Why would Tehutti build a robot?”

 

“I think Onepu’s having an off day. Like every other day.”

 

“YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU DON’T NOTI-nope, screw this Spiriah, I’m out.” Onepu walked away and went towards his hut.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“I QUIT!”

 

“You cannot quit, you are fired.”

 

“He can’t be fired from a job he doesn’t have!”

 

“Yes he can.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I say so.”

 

“*sigh* Don’t know WHERE he got the idea Tehutti was building a robot. Idiot couldn’t put two screws together. Or two and two together.”

 

“Let us not worry about such things. Now, Nuparu, go to Ga-Koro and see the astrologer. Let us see what lies beneath…”

 

EVERYTHING IS GETTING RATHER OUT OF HAND IS IT NOT

Edited November 13, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Toru Nui]

Part 83: Cold and Stormy Summer’s Night

 

“Get out. Now.”

 

“Look, I know this is inconvenient for you but uh-“

 

“There is no discussion to be had about this, YOU are getting OUT.”

 

“OK, OK. If you don’t like this guy then leave!”

 

“I’m not going to leave, this is MY house!”

 

“Alright then, you leave!”

 

“Fine.” Kopeke went out and slammed the door behind him. You would have thought this was the point where he would realise his mistake and come storming back in. You’d be wrong. You see, Kopeke isn’t very smart.

 

“Wow. I can’t believe that actually worked.”

 

“Kopeke! Come back!” Matoro went out and dragged him back in. “Look, I just wanna stay for the night! With these two as well.”

 

“This hut is only built for one. It’s going to be a very cramped bed.”

 

“I’m sure we can cope.”

 

Then they saw Kopeke’s bed.

 

“That is the smallest bed in the history of beds. No bed has been smaller than what lays before me.”

 

“You’re exaggerating.”

 

“No, I’m a bed enthusiast. I look at all sorts of beds, and I have never seen a bed smaller than this one. I’m surprised you fit on it.”

 

“Attention Pekka, new hobby required.”

 

“I can get the pebble back out again if you want.”

 

“I-I-I-I-I-never mind…”

 

“I told you it will be cramped.”

 

“*sigh* It’s going to be a very long, stormy, snowy night.”

 

ROLL UP ROLL UP

COME SEE THE WORLDS SMALLEST BED

[Toru Nui]

Just a heads-up, there appears to be another Bionicle Abridged Series in the Comedy section written by Alex (no, not that Alex, the other Alex (the OTHER other Alex)). Now, I'm not saying anybody ripped off anybody, but you can tell the two apart because mine is called Bionicle 2001 Abridged, and his is called Bionicle the Abridged Series.

 

Part 84: Some Old-Fashioned New-Fashioned Reconnaissance

 

“OK, let’s review- through this one more time-“

 

“Please do, I’m incredibly motivated to see where this is going.”

 

“OK. Well, basically, one guy, didn’t like how another guy was doing things, went to kill that guy, another guy stopped him, the first guy attacked the third guy for some reason, the first guy’s now unconscious, and the second guy is nowhere to be seen.”

 

“That was incredibly detailed.”

 

“An epic of… well, EPIC proportions!”

 

“You don’t read a lot do you?”

 

“Ruh-eed?”

 

“OK, I’ll help Whenua, AKA the third guy, on one condition.”

 

“What?”

 

“Tell him to apologize for calling me intellectually challenged last month’s meeting.”

 

“ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY HAVING THIS DISCUSSION NOW?!”

 

“Why, what’s wrong?”

 

“Well, for one thing, we ARE fighting off a horde of giant bugs who aren’t too happy about losing their leader.”

 

“Oh, right. Proceed with that.”

 

“OK. Now, onto specifics. What do you want us to do again?”

 

“Mata Nui…”

 

“We want you to help us find Turaga Onewa. AKA the second guy.”

 

“Ya looked-checked Po-Koro?”

 

“Yeah, it was empty.”

 

“Well I can’t help you on that one. Sorry.”

 

“You have giant birds that can fly great distances! Use ‘em for some good old fashioned reconnaissance!”

 

“We’re not about doing things old fashioned. How about new fashioned?”

 

“Fine, “NEW FASHIONED” reconnaissance.”

 

“I’m glad you could come to see our way of think-thought.”

 

“I’d have to be beaten on the head with a hammer two hundred and thirty-three times to be on your wavelength.”

 

233.1 TIMES TO BE EXACT

[Toru Nui]

Part 85: I Did Warn You One Would Die

 

“Prepare to die! I’ll give you two minutes to prepare.”

 

“Nuhrii, what’s the plan?”

 

“Why are you asking me?”

 

“Oh, right, I forgot, you’re an idiot. PLAN B!” Agni leapt up to attack Eliminator and latched onto his arm. Eliminator then threw him into the wall. He then noticed Kapura and Nuhrii running away.

 

They ran across the path around Ta-Koro, which contained doors to the common Matoran’s home. They ran inside Kapura’s home, but they were too late, Eliminator saw them go in. Then he was clunked on the head with a rock. Which he then promptly picked up and crushed under his foot.

 

“*gasp* You killed Rock One… YOU KILLED ROCK ONE!!!”

 

“Oh, sorry, it didn’t think it was of any sentimental value. Say, if you’ve got Rock One, where’s Rock Two?”

 

“Over there.”

 

Eliminator picked up Rock Two. He then proceeded to rend it into pebbles with his hands.

 

“There, a sentimental item, as it should be treated… hehehehehhhahahahHAHAHAHAHHAH!!!”

 

Kapura then tackled Eliminator, but it had little to no effect. Eliminator then picked him up by the throat, went outside, and dangled him over the lava.

 

“NUHRII! *choking noises* ACK… HELP ME!!!”

 

But Nuhrii had already ran off.

 

“Once I’m done with you, I’ll kill your friends, then any rocks you still have left! MAUHAHAHAHHA!”

 

“No. Just no.”

 

“What do you-BLAAAAAAAAAAARH!”

 

Eliminator was stunned by a wave of ice cold water, dropping Kapura, who instead of being burnt alive as planned, grabbed onto the edge and ran back inside his hut.

 

“Who are you?”

 

“I am Gali, Toa of Water. And I really really REALLY don’t want to have to put up with any more nonsense.”

 

“Well then, PREPARE TO BE DISAPPOINTED! KAKHAHAHA!”

 

DID I MENTION TWO WOULD DIE TOO

SORRY MY BAD

[Toru Nui]

Part 86: On my M.a.R.K

 

“OK, Turaga. I’m all set. It’s getting dark so I’ll wait until the morning to see this astrologer.”

 

“Very well. Also, see if you can track down Onepu.”

 

“But he quit!”

 

“Yes, but he will come crawling back.”

 

“YOU SHALL BE THE ONE WHO WILL BE CRAWLING, YOU WORTHLESS TYRANT!”

 

“What do you want now?”

 

“Witness my-“

 

“Ours.”

 

“OUR greatest achievement! The M.a.R.K!”

 

“ALL HAIL TEHUTTI.”

 

“Onepu is never going to let me live this down.”

 

“Wait a minute, that’s MY DESIGN! YOU SON OF A-“

 

“Quiet. By the way, what does M.a.R.K stand for?”

 

“Mak-Matoran and Rahi Killer. Definitely Matoran. Don’t know why I accidentally said that K.”

 

“Weirdo.”

 

“OK, ignoring the fact you’re a coward, an inept leader, and a plagiarist, how did YOU make an AI? You don’t have the mental capacity!”

 

“Yes, but I did it! I created my own-“

 

“You stole it from him.”

 

“WHAT? Nuparu Junior… YOU HEARTLESS-“

 

“Silence! M.a.R.K, what are your prime directives?”

 

“DIRECTIVE ONE: SERVE TEHUTTI.”

 

“Egotist.”

 

“While I don’t deny he is, you don’t get to say that considering you called it NUPARU Junior, and programmed it to do nothing but alliteratively praise you.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“DIRECTIVE TWO: SUBJUGATE THE LESSER RACES.”

 

“Facist.”

 

“I got nothing for that one.”

 

“Shut UP.”

 

“DIRECTIVE THREE: STEP ON THIS GUY.”

 

“What guy-“ *SOUND OF BEING CRUSHED BY A METAL FOOT* “…ow…”

 

“You thought you could blackmail me, ME?! You moronic moron, I am Tehutti!”

 

“BEGINNING SUBJUGATION OF ONU-MATORAN.”

 

“I am the protector!!!”

 

“ARMING CANNONS.”

 

“We should run, Turaga. Like, right now. Or perhaps just walk, considering how slow you are.”

 

“I AM THE SAVIOUR!!!”

 

“No, give it a second.”

 

“I AM-“

 

“PREPARING TO FIRE.” The M.a.R.K aimed at Tehutti.

 

“…In deep DEEP trouble…”

 

“Heheheheh…”

 

“EVERYTHING I SAY IS A LIE!”

 

“WHAT? IF EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS A LIE, THEN THAT WAS A LIE, BUT IF IT WAS A LIE, THEN EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS NOT A LIE AND-WHOOAWHWOHAoheowhwaowh…SHUTTING DOWN...”

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

“Nuparu. Do you know what you just did?”

 

“I saved us?”

 

“No, YOU SAVED TEHUTTI YOU MORON! MONTHS OF PLANNING DOWN THE DRAIN!”

 

“What?”

 

“Help me… I can taste my spinal cord…”

 

“*sigh* I knew Tehutti would get worked up over nothing over the Lightstone shortage and would start his own splinter faction. So I told Taipu to suggest to him he steal Nuparu’s robot blueprint and AI to build a robot, knowing that he would reprogram it to target Onu-Matoran, and that his own stupidity would result in his own destruction. And YOU, resulted in that plan NOT working. Congratulations.”

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

“I don’t know what’s more humiliating, how easily you tricked me, how Whenua tricked you, or how this whole robot idea was from that guy you claimed was a brain-dead idiot. Also, my bone structure has been re-arranged. Help please…”

 

“AMATEUR. I WOULD HAVE PREPARED FOR EVERY EVENTUALITY. HE DIDN'T EVEN ACCOUNT FOR THE POSSIBILITY OF TEHUTTI TURNING INTO A GIANT RAINBOW DIKAPI.”

 

COME ON

YOU WANTED TEHUTTI TO DIE AS WELL

WHENUA NOT COMPLETELY IN THE WRONG HERE

Edited December 11, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Toru Nui]

Part 87: Mata-Nui Monopoly

 

“Oh for-well, I’m bankrupt.”

 

“Let’s see… with the Toa you owe me… 300 widgets.”

 

“It’s about time you landed; I’ve never seen someone roll so many sixes and doubles.”

 

“I need to alter my house rules.”

 

“Ya got that right.”

 

“Perhaps we should play a different game.”

 

“No, I’m enjoying this.”

 

“That’s only because you’re winning.”

 

“Well, what else do you enjoy games for?”

 

“Fun?”

 

“Yes, there is. When winning. Which I am. Whoo hoo!”

 

“You suck.”

 

“No, I’m winning!”

 

“Suck.”

 

“Winning!”

 

“Suck.”

 

“Winning!”

 

“Suck.”

 

“Winning!”

 

“Suck.”

 

“Winn-“

 

“Shut up, or I will shove you two so far down each other throats, you’ll become a Matoran ouroboros!”

 

“I hate you all.”

 

“No news then.”

 

GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL

DO NOT PASS GO

DO NOT COLLECT 200 POUNDS

[Toru Nui]

Part 88: Can’t Think of a Title for This One

 

Tahu, Onua, Pohatu, Takua, Matau, Jaller, Hahli, Kongu, Tamaru, Taipu, Orkahm and a whole bunch of Le-Matoran with Gukkos following them were making their way across the jungle to Le-Koro. Lewa was carried in a stretcher, having no mask he lost the ability to walk. Much to the chagrin of Onua, who had to carry him.

 

“Tamaru, you sissy, why couldn’t you have crashed in there like Orkahm and Kongu?!”

 

“Because I’m a good pilot and that’s unsafe?”

 

“Coward.”

 

“Shut up! Yes he’s a slow-thinker but he’s not a yellow-Dikapi!”

 

“Oh yeah? Well I have no idea what that means!”

 

“Everyone needs to shut up.”

 

“I didn’t say anything! I’m part of everyone!”

 

“That was a psychic shut up for when you need to be told to shut up because you need to now because you are talking. SHUT UP by the way.”

 

“I still haven’t heard an apology from you.”

 

“Apology? For what?”

 

“For nearly making me BLIND!”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with being blind! You’re racist!”

 

“WHAT?!”

 

“What does a blind man have not that you do?”

 

“Vision?”

 

“Why do you need vision?”

 

“To see.”

 

“Why do you need to see?”

 

“TO SEE!!!”

 

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

 

“YOU don’t make any sense!”

 

“Uh huh. OK. Real mature.”

 

“Can we kill him NOW?”

 

“No. Besides, Toa aren’t allowed to kill people.”

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

“WHAT?”

 

“Alright.”

 

“Quiet, you!”

 

“My name is Lewa, fool. Not you.”

 

“I know I’m not Lewa, YOU’RE LEWA! I’m Onua!”

 

“What are you babbling about now? Who is this I’m?”

 

“MATA NUI! He’s harder to communicate with than these Le-Matoran! WHO UNDERSTANDS TREESPEAK?! IT’S A STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STU-“

 

“Ya done?”

 

“No. STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID LANGUAGE!!!”

 

“Ahem. It’s impolite and hazardous to insult the dialect of an ethical group while THEY’RE STANDING AROUND YOU!”

 

Every Le-Matoran around then suddenly brandished their not-very-sharp-or-lethal weapons.

 

“HA!” Onua dropped Lewa on the floor.

 

“Ow.”

 

“I’m the Toa of Earth! Hero of Onu-Wahi! What makes you think YOU guys can take me on!? YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE!”

 

“What did I JUST say?”

 

“We can’t kill anyone-oh no…”

 

He was suddenly caught up in a cloud of dust caused by every Le-Matoran there. Apart from Matau but he doesn’t count.

 

“OW! OW! STOP PUTTING THEM THERE THEY DON’T-well that doeYEHEHEHOAOWOAOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWOWOWOQAKZKAKOAOAJDO!!!”

 

“Get up you lazy bum and carry me around! I’m too tired to get up.”

 

“Wow. I never knew our bodies could withstand that much punishment.”

 

“Please. You don’t know what punishment is! I was once burned alive for just saying something Vakama considered stupid.”

 

“Shouldn’t that happen all the time then?”

 

“SCREW YOU.”

 

ONUA WAS PROMPLY HANGED BY THE LE-MATORAN MOB

HE WAS ALIVE OF COURSE THEY WERE JUST USING HIM AS A PINATA

THEY WERE SORELY DISAPPOINTED WHEN THERE WAS NO CANDY INSIDE

Edited March 6, 2016 by Toru Nui

[Petewa]

“There’s nothing wrong with being blind! You’re racist!”

 

“WHAT?!”

 

“What does a blind man have not that you do?”

 

“Vision?”

 

“Why do you need vision?”

 

“To see.”

 

“Why do you need to see?”

 

“TO SEE!!!”

I once met a man with a Ruru, humourously, or ironically enough, the mask had been forged wrong, and covered his eyes. A mask of night vision which blinds the wearer. But aside from that, he was a great guy.

[Toru Nui]

I once met a man with a Ruru, humourously, or ironically enough, the mask had been forged wrong, and covered his eyes. A mask of night vision which blinds the wearer. But aside from that, he was a great guy.

No, it would be ironic if a Mask of Night Vision gave him the power to see through blinding light. Like magic sunglasses. That you wear all over your face.

 

Part 89: Power Shuffle

 

“…You…you…EVIL TYRANT!!!”

 

“This coming from the fool who wanted to subjugate the quote lesser races unquote.”

 

“How…how DARE YOU?!”

 

“Wait a minute, so you didn’t even come up with the evil robot idea yourself? You took Taipu’s advice?”

 

“Isn’t that the miner who you kept telling me was an idiot? Also I am in deep pain…”

 

“SHUT UP! This will not be forgotten, I will repair the M.a.R.K and crush you!”

 

“And I will short it out with another paradox. You really need to work out your plans a bit more.”

 

“Plus the robot will try to kill you too due to your incredibly sucky programming skill.”

 

“SHUT UP!!! YOU-“

 

“Oh shut up Tehutti, you are nothing but a small interference in the cosmic scheme of things, a little mmph mmph mmph.”

 

“…What?”

 

“Mpph. Mmmph, mmmpth, mm-“ Whenua fell to the ground limp, losing consciousness due to lack of air. Suddenly an orange hand became visible, then an entire body.

 

“Incompetent! You thought you could keep me down for long? Pitiful.”

 

“How did you-“

 

“I am the herald of heat and the bringer of burns! It was easy. Oh and I can turn invisible.”

 

“Turaga Vakama, allow me to express my dearest apologies for the actions of our Turaga. I have attempted to overthrow him during your slumber but-“

 

“His own incompetence is getting in the way. Oh and I’ll help with whatever, if you’ll send me a doctor… blargh…”

 

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL BETRAY VAKAMA FIRST

AHKMOU OR TEHUTTI

PLACE YOUR BETS

Edited November 26, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Toru Nui]

Part 90: Let’s get Ready to RUUUUUMBBBBBBBBBBBBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

“I am going to tear you into ribbons for a birthday party! AND I WILL EAT ALL THE PIE CAKE!!! BWAHAHHHAAHAHH!!!”

 

“NO! Not the cake!”

 

“Oh shut up!” Gali started striking with her hooks, but Eliminator simply shrugged it off like it was nothing. He then punched her a good few metres, almost falling into the lava. She got up and ran back into the Ta-Koro courtyard, where there was no lava to be knocked into.

 

Eliminator followed, and fired several Kanoka from his four extra arms on his back. He missed. He’s not a bad shot you see; he just can’t hit a moving target. Which Gali was. Dodging and weaving like one does when Kanoka are tossed at you. Eliminator reloaded, but before he could fire again, Gali drenched him in blistering hot water.

 

“YAHSAJAKKAKAKSKAKAKSJJAJK!!!” Eliminator harnessed the power of the Kanoka and charged up an electrical blast, but before it could reach lethal levels, the laws of physics decided to get back in the game, and thus, since some of the water was still on him, Eliminator was electrocuted by his own electricity. “BZZZZZZZZZZZAKAKKAOWEOIOAEWUAUEWUWQEWHCUEHW!!!” He fell limp, unconscious to the ground.

 

NOW Nuhrii came out and jumped upon his limp body.

 

“Haha! Thou hast been vanquished, thou purpleth peopleth eatereth!”

 

“Don’t talk like that again.”

 

“Shut up. And now for the finisher…”

 

“No! Don’t kill him!”

 

“Why?”

 

“If you kill him, he won’t learn any better will he?”

 

“He won’t remain unconscious for long. Surely we can’t let him go, can we? Now there are some chains in Agni’s hut we can use…”

 

Agni wandered over slightly delirious. “I like pie cake. Can we have pie cake?”

 

“Yes… of course we can…”

 

DID I SAY SLIGHTLY

SILLY ME

Edited December 11, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Petewa]

Hey look, Agni's here.

[Toru Nui]

Hey look, Agni's here.

 

Halloween Special: Advice on Costumes

 

“Hello everybody! I’m Pohatu, and the mutant freak to my left is Onua.”

 

“I will claw my way down your throat until I reach your CROTCH if you don’t shut up.”

 

“Bombastic hunchback.”

 

“Fat… fat… man…”

 

“Halloween is in about a week, so we are here to give you advice on costumes. Now maybe you don’t celebrate Halloween. Maybe you’re too old for trick or treating, or just don’t do it. In that case TOO BAD!”

 

“Let’s begin: please don’t dress up as a “real-life” monster. By this we mean people responsible for absolutely atrocious acts through history and present.”

 

“Such as griefers, squeakers, the jerks that always leave their mic on…”

 

“Those aren’t costumes and those aren’t evil people. Those are just Multiplayer Shooter stereotypes.”

 

“They’re evil to ME, OK?”

 

“We’d go into more detail, but that might offend people. For some reason. Not sure WHY mentioning a name is offensive unless it’s profane. And they’re NOT.”

 

“So anyway, don’t try and make a home-made costume unless you’re really good at it. And you’re not. Yes you, the narcissist! I’m looking at you!”

 

“Please don’t wrap yourself in toilet paper and try to pass yourself of as a mummy. It’s stupid, it’s lazy, and it shows how much of a disgusting person you are that you’re willing to wear what is supposed to wipe excrement from your unmentionables to get goodies.”

 

“Also don’t ACTUALLY stick a saw or any other sharp object through your head in order to gain a sense of “realism”. Actually, scratch that, if you think that’s a good idea, DO do it. Do the world a favour.”

 

“We know the costumes you find in the store are tacky and cheesy, but you’re not going to find much better. Unless you go to the internet. The solver of all problems.”

 

“Of course, given the fact it takes time for your order to arrive, it might be too late for Halloween. But at least you’re ready for next one! You just have to wait 364.25 days.”

 

“Or alternatively, you could use it for a prank video. Everyone enjoys the sight of a sap being frightened by a bug-eyed monster not even a blind person would find realistic emerging from a dumpster like a jack-in-the-box. Unfortunately, you’re gonna smell like an actual bug-eyed monster for weeks afterwards, but if you can get it on the web…”

 

“I believe that’s all we have time for, so we have to wrap up. Every option has its pros and cons; you’ll just have to weigh them up for yourself.”

 

“We’re going to on hiatus until the first of November for reasons we don’t have to explain to you, so entertain yourself with other comedies on BZPower. Like Trader Who, the Kanohi Force or that other abridged series.”

 

“Or you can just leave the site for a while. Maybe watch something Halloween related, like the Nightmare Before Christmas…”

 

“That’s a Christmas movie. Christmas is in the title.”

 

“Is Skellington Jack not the living embodiment of all that is Halloween?”

 

“He’s undead, not living, and the movie is about Halloween taking over Christmas.”

 

“Exactly. So it’s a Halloween movie.”

 

“CHRISTMAS!”

 

“HALLOWEEN!”

 

“CHRISTMAS!”

 

“HALLOWEEN!”

 

“CHRISTMAS!”

 

“HALLOWEEN!”

 

IN THIS TOWN

WE CALL HOME

EVERYONE HAIL TO THE PUMPKIN SONG

Edited December 11, 2015 by The Void: Eater of Worlds

[Petewa]

IN THIS TOWN

WE CALL HOME

EVERYONE HAIL TO THE PUMPKIN SONG

 

This is halloween, this is halloween.

Everybody scream, everybody scream.

[Toru Nui]

Part 91: Not Taking Apocalyptic Warnings Seriously

 

“Well it’s getting dark. Well, darkER. I think it’s time we got to sleep.”

 

“Matoro, can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“What’s that metal slab you have there…”

 

“It’s nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.”

 

“Well it’s not nothing because it is something and it’s something I want to know about.”

 

“What are you two talking about?”

 

“Fine. I’ll tell you. But don’t tell anyone or they’ll panic.”

 

“Right.”

 

“You see, this slab, is unlike anything we know. It was created by Makuta, as some sort of eldritch information storage. Most of it is complete gibberish, but what is legible is really disturbing.”

 

“Scary disturbing, crazy disturbing or yucky disturbing?”

 

“Scary disturbing.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“You see, there’s something worse than Makuta, sealed underneath Onu-Koro, called the Void. Apparently it’s responsible for destroying many islands, and the extinction of a race called “the Keetongu”.”

 

“Well, if it can destroy islands that might explain how we’re alone in this ocean.”

 

“Makuta sealed it under Onu-Koro and put a spell on it, freezing it. Without freezing it. It says something about time and suspending animation and how it is now a non-event mass with a quantum probability of zero. I understood it perfectly, but I... I don't think you will.”

 

“So we’re safe then?”

 

“Nope. I checked and apparently this thing has a real-time connection to the prison, and it’s been unearthed. If they figure out how to open it, and figure out the code, it will get out and destroy everyone on Mata-Nui. Matoran, Rahi and Makuta alike. But that probably will never happen, so we don’t have to worry.”

 

“*phew*”

 

“Should we tell Kope-“

 

“I told you not to tell anyone! We don’t want to cause a panic about this ultimate doom that could possibly destroy us all.”

 

“Ah, I see.”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“Look, there’s no real possibility of the Onu-Matoran opening it, so we can relax!”

 

HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO BET THAT MATORO IS WRONG

BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE IS

[Toru Nui]

Part 92: Turns out the Almighty Saviours Are Forgetful

 

After a long and stressful journey through the jungle, and a game of piñata with Onua’s still living body, Tahu and a severely wounded Onua stood watching the jungle from Le-Koro in the treetops.

 

“You know, this is actually quite a peaceful jungle.”

 

“Perhaps. I’m in too much pain to truly appreciate its majesty.”

 

“Yes… I’m actually pretty glad I came here actually. Why did I come here…”

 

“Truth be told I’ve forgotten as well, I-“

 

Memory then hit them like a freight train.

 

“MY MASK!!!”

 

Tahu immediately charged into the hut they were keeping a maskless Lewa and dragged him out by the foot.

 

“Oi! What the Karzahni are you doing?”

 

“WE are taking you back to the hive, and YOU are going to tell us where you put our masks.”

 

“But it’s almost bedtime! We can’t sleep there!”

 

“Sure we can. Stop whining.”

 

“Wait a minute NOW? He’s right, we should go tomorrow.”

 

“We are getting our masks back TODAY. POHATU!”

 

Pohatu sped out of the dinner hut like a speeding bullet.

 

“Yyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss?”

 

“We’re going back to the hive for the night to get our masks. You coming?”

 

“Nah.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“How come he gets a choice in the matter but me and the mutant don’t?”

 

“Son of a-“

 

“Quiet. You two are coming with me because I need you to tell me where they are in that monster of a building, and you because your mask in there as well, and you’re carrying it. Or wearing it.”

 

“Fine. When I get back I’m gonna *mumble* these Le-Matoran *mumble* for nearly killing me *mumble* Matau didn’t say anything about *mumble*.”

 

“What’s he blithering about?”

 

“I don’t know and I don’t care.” Tahu, Onua and Lewa got in the elevator and descended back into the jungle.

 

“Hmm… I’m getting bored of here already. I’ve only explored half of this island, time for a trip I think. Perhaps somewhere cool. Like Ko-Wahi. It’s freezing sure, but should make a nice change of scenery.”

 

Pohatu then got a map for really cheap from the bazaar (since he was a Toa and Toa get special deals) and saw there was only one safe way into Ko-Wahi, the Ta-Wahi cable car.

 

He didn’t like that. No walking or running.

 

He was going to take a second option.

 

I HEAR YOU CAN GET TOURS AROUND MATA-NUI FOR 700 WIDGETS

TAKES A FEW DAYS BUT YOU GET TO SEE SOME LOVELY SIGHTS

[Toru Nui]

Part 93: Agendas

 

The recently revived Ta-Matoran forced both Whenua’s and Tehutti’s Onu-Matoran to convene in the courtyard. Initially they didn’t take this seriously. However eventually they got annoyed at constantly being poked and prodded by blunt spears so they relented and went to listen to some old man ramble on about stuff.

 

“Alright, listen up you creepy little balls of dirt, your Turaga is now my prisoner! Now you will all offer some explanation as to why you blew up that tunnel, and then sealed it with that protosteel door!”

 

Through the absolute anarchy of the angered cries, he was able to decipher that the Po-Matoran were trying to attack Ta-Koro through the Onu-Koro tunnels (which was true) and that they destroyed the tunnel in order to stop them (which was also true). But Vakama didn’t believe this because A: they offered no explanation of the door, B: he was simply too stubborn to admit he was wrong and C: he simply COULDN’T admit he was wrong. He’d done enough of that in the past. His entire leadership bordered on this image of this infallible heroic deliverer from the shadows.

 

“Tehutti, is this true?”

 

Tehutti knew it was, but he knew Vakama wouldn’t believe him if he told him so, and bootlicking 101 was saying what your boss wanted to hear. Then he’d trust you enough to believe (mostly) everything you said, as entailed in backstabbing 101.

 

“No it is not, and I am absolutely ashamed that MY Koro would dare spout such lies!”

 

“There we go. Now, we-“

 

“Hold on a moment.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“I hear the Onu-Matoran were building a tunnel into Le-Wahi. Now that doesn’t have much in the way of practical purpose does it?”

 

“No it… doesn’t…”

 

“Hmm… you have a point.”

 

“I think the Onu-Matoran were opening up a trade route to Le-Koro. But the Le-Matoran have nothing much in the way of material value do they?”

 

“No… go on…”

 

“But they do have the best (and only) air force on Mata Nui. I think they…”

 

“Were forming a military alliance?”

 

“Why should I trust you Ahkmou?”

 

“Wait how do you know his-“

 

Ahkmou quickly started whispering in Vakama’s ear. Tehutti tried to eavesdrop, but couldn’t pick up much.

 

“Listen. I REMEMBER. You want them finding out?”

 

“…Are you blackmailing me?”

 

“It’s called extortion, genius. You do as I say or I will completely shatter their world. Understand?”

 

“…Very well…”

 

Vakama turned his attention to the crowd.

 

“Right… how do I do this… um… you… the suck-up. You stay here with your loyalists and keep Whenua’s motley crew in check.”

 

“Yes sir, they won’t listen to you but I think they’ll listen to me.”

 

“You are a terrible suck-up. Ahkmou, you're coming with me and my army, and we are going to raze Le-Koro to the ground.”

 

“Excellent.”

 

Ahkmou chuckled to himself. So Onewa had decided to take down Vakama after all. Guess the blockheaded talentless hack wasn’t so immune to his charisma after all. He didn’t receive any wisdom when he became a Turaga, as he has just the same amount of smarts as he did back in the old days, all he got out of that deal was senility. Now that he had Vakama under his control, this little civil war was going along nicely.

 

Just as planned.

 

Meanwhile in his workshop, Nuparu began work on a cloaking device so he could sneak out of Onu-Koro and get help. It wasn’t easy, because he never built one before.

 

And what was worse is that he kept on hearing some weird whispering, but nobody was there.

 

“…Zklvshuzklvshuzklvshu…”

 

THE ONLY REASON THAT AHKMOU DOES NOT BLACKMAIL ONEWA IS BECAUSE ONEWA KNOWS A TERRIBLE SECRET ABOUT AHKMOU

Edited November 5, 2015 by Toru Nui