Vahi Nuva

[Sumiki]

 

 

-----Tahu strode into Ta-Koro, but he was not pleased. He shrugged off the few Ta-Matoran who greeted him.
 
-----Yeah, I know my mask is red again, he thought. Stop pestering me. Who would want to have a silver mask all the time? The silver weapons are bad enough.
 
-----Presently he found himself in front of Turaga Vakama's hut. He entered without knocking.
 
-----Vakama turned around and nearly spilled his freshly squeezed Madu Cabolo juice on himself. "Oh, Tahu … I didn't see you there." He looked up at Tahu's mask. "I see that you have defeated the Bohrok-Kal."
 
-----"I … we did," Tahu replied. He debated sitting down, but Vakama's spare chairs weren't necessarily Toa-sized and sitting in them always felt downright absurd. The bulk of his Nuva armor didn't improve that situation.
 
-----"I'm certainly glad," Vakama replied. "A thousand years of being exposed to Makuta's evils makes one appreciate the victories."
 
-----"Why is it always a thousand years with you?" Tahu asked.
 
-----"Pardon me?"
 
-----"A thousand years of this, a thousand years of that. I'm starting to think these events were, like, three months ago and you're just some rampant hyperbole machine."
 
-----"EXCUSE ME?!" Vakama's hand erupted in the tiny burst of elemental power that we always knew Turaga had but somehow never showed up in canon even though that would have been totally cool.
 
-----"You heard me. Now listen up. Are you hiding something?"
 
-----"… no."
 
-----"I heard that ellipsis, dude. You're so secretive it's almost creepy. I'd rather hang out with Nuju."
 
-----Vakama gasped. "On top of the implication that you'd rather spend your time in Ko-Koro—which is bad enough in its own right—you have to choose the worst beatboxer on this whole island? That dude is a broken drum machine whose mechanical tonsils got replaced with tiny maracas a thousand years a—"
 
-----"There it is with the thousand years again!"
 
-----"Give it a rest, will you?"
 
-----Tahu summoned the Mask of Time and ripped it from his face. His Hau Nuva reappeared behind it via another one of those mechanisms that was never entirely made clear. "Where did you get this?"
 
-----"… I found it."
 
-----"A thousand years ago, yeah, I got it."
 
-----"Okay," Vakama spat and got up from his chair. "I've had it up to here. Next time all of the Matoran are in one place, I'll come clean." He stared at Tahu. "But until then, no word that I'm keeping anything from anybody."
 
-----"Open secret," Tahu mumbled.
 
-----"What?" Vakama snapped.
 
-----"Nothing."
 
-----Vakama looked around. "Walk with me," he said.
 

*-----*-----*

 
-----"… so Matau and Nokama just keep flirting with each other at this point, we're all trapped in the worst spiderwebs I've ever seen, and I really, really have t—"
 
-----Both Toa and Turaga stopped in their tracks. There, in the Charred Forest, was quite obviously a pool of energized protodermis.
 
-----"Hold on a minute, did I tell you about the creature made of that stuff? Man, let me tell you, that was the weirdest th—"
 
-----"You did. A few times, actually." Feels like we've been out here for a year and a half, Tahu thought.
 
-----"Right, yeah."
 
-----"…"
 
-----"…"
 
-----"…"
 
-----"We should probably go around it," Vakama said.
 
-----But Tahu pondered the eerie puddle. "So you said that the universe can't exist without the Vahi?"
 
-----"Yeah, but that story comes later after we stop being Hordika—whoops, he he, spoiler alert."
 
-----"So its destiny can't be to be destroyed?"
 
-----Tahu's plan dawned on Vakama. "Are you … are you going to—"
 
-----"I'm seriously considering it," Tahu said.
 
-----"… WHAT?" Vakama screeched.
 
-----"What's the worst that could happen?" Tahu asked, bending down to examine the energized protodermis.
 
-----"The entire universe dies an endless death?"
 
-----"So … kind of like listening to one of your stories, then?"
 
-----"Dear Mata Nui, I hope I was never as insufferable as you are."
 
-----"Was? You still are."
 
-----With a swift motion, Tahu willed the Vahi onto his face, ripped it off, and dunked it into the energized protodermis. Vakama used his staff to try and stop Tahu, but his frail little arms couldn't hold up and his staff got knocked in with the Vahi.
 
-----The Vahi bubbled and reshaped itself as new lines formed from a golden power that sprang from within its incomparably powerful depths. Vakama's staff, by comparison, turned into something resembling a demented toothbrush.
 
-----"Look what you've done," Vakama lamented, fishing out the item formerly known as his staff out from the shallow depths. My poor staff, he thought.
 
-----"I know, right?" Tahu said, beaming at the Vahi Nuva in his hand. He looked at Vakama. "And you said this would be a bad idea."
 
-----"I'll give it to the Turaga of Dental Hygiene," Vakama said.
 
-----"What, the mas—oh, you're talking to an inanimate object. Again. Cool."
 
-----"I've talked to my staff for a thousand y—"
 
-----"NOT AGAIN WITH THE THOUSAND YEARS."
 
-----"… sorry. But to be fair, it was."
 
-----"That doesn't make any sense."
 
-----Vakama shrugged.
 
-----"Well," Tahu said, donning the mask. "Time to see what this thing does."
 
-----With a force of will more powerful than he'd ever before mustered, the Vahi Nuva began to glow.
 

*-----*-----*

 

-----Tahu channelled his will through the mask until he was on the cusp of completely losing control. With the last of his mental energy, he forced the power back down. The mask ceased to glow.
 
-----He looked around at the totally foreign landscape. He was on an endless gray surface of indeterminate substance. There were a few slight mountains off to one direction, and the horizon was just a tiny bit shorter off to the opposite.
 
-----Presently a hatch opened up from the ground beside him. Two unarmored, very fleshy organic beings popped up.
 
-----"Who are you?" Tahu asked, readying his swords.
 
-----The two beings jumped.
 
-----"Did you do this?" one asked.
 
-----"No. Did you?" the other asked.
 
-----"If I did, would I have asked you the question?"
 
-----"I don't know. You might have."
 
-----"… WHY?"
 
-----"Uh … excuse me? I kind of asked a question here," Tahu said.
 
-----"Oh, yes, I'm terribly sorry. I'm Velika, and this is my colleague, Tim. We are Great Beings."
 
-----"I am Tahu Nuva, Toa Nuva of Fire," Tahu said.
 
-----The Great Beings looked at one another.
 
-----"This is … unauthorized," Velika said. "To say the least."
 
-----"I'll say," Tim muttered. He pulled out his phone and tapped an app whose logo looked like a heavily bearded face.
 
-----"Glad you've got the speed-dial," Velika muttered.
 
-----"Hi, it's Tim, up here on the face?" Tim spoke professionally into the phone. "I was wondering … uh, we ran into one of those Toa? … Mhmmm … Okay … Oh, I understand … alright. See you later." He hung up.
 
-----"… and?" Velika prompted.
 
-----Tim exhaled. "Greg says that he can't answer that. Something about future storyline."
 
-----Velika threw his clipboard. "WHEN DOES HE NOT SAY THAT!?!" He stormed off to go kick the unfortunate clipboard out of frustration.
 
-----Tim turned to Tahu. "How did you … get here?"
 
-----"Well … Turaga Vakama was apparently a Toa back in the day, and he said that he made this thing"—he pointed to his mask—"by merging a bunch of discs together and then carving it. It's all very vague, really. Anyway, last I heard, it got thrown into the ocean, but apparently he got it back and gave it to me."
 
-----"It's very … strange-looking."
 
-----"Yeah. Well, I dunked it in energized protodermis, and now … I guess I can travel in time now? I would imagine that wasn't one of its original powers."
 
-----"From what you've told me, I can almost certainly assure you that you're in the past."
 
-----"Sweet!" Tahu looked around. "Not much to see, though. So, Tim, what do you do?"
 
-----"Well … probably shouldn't be telling you this, but the universe you know is actually just a giant robot named Mata Nui, who will—when we get it running—go out and explore the cosmos. Everyone in Mata Nui is a smaller robot that keeps the the whole thing functioning. I'm part of the design team."
 
-----Tahu paused to consider this new information. "Wouldn't it have been easier to just make one giant robot and not have to have all the smaller ones?"
 
-----"Well, you're advocating that you shouldn't exist, but beyond that … that's exactly what I've said for years. But nooooo. Greg just has to have his Matryoshka dolls."
 
-----"His what?"
 
-----"… long story."
 
-----"Did you mean Matoran?"
 
-----A look of awe dawned over Tim's face. "… that's where he got the name," he breathed. He looked back over his shoulder to see a fuming Velika. "Anyway, you probably should be off," he said to Tahu. "I've probably said too much. Forget I mentioned anything."
 
-----"It'll be hard to forget this," Tahu said. "But I won't tell anyone."
 
-----Tim slapped Tahu on the back. "Good to know that you exist. I guess that means that this thing won't explode like the last one did," he said, pointed to the prostrate face of Mata Nui.
 
-----"… wait, what?"
 

*-----*-----*

 

-----Tahu forced what little willpower he had left through the mask. He focused all of his effort to returning to his own time.
 
-----He collapsed onto the ground of the Charred Forest and looked up at the disapproving face of Turaga Vakama.
 
-----"I didn't think you'd get anywhere with that," the Turaga said.
 
-----"I did," Tahu said, struggling to his knees. "I went back in time … I … I saw things …"
 
-----"I'm just saying that you weren't gone for very long."
 
-----"We're all inside a giant robot and there's apparently some guy named Greg who designed all this and they all looked really weird …"
 
-----Vakama patted Tahu on the back. "It's alright. Let's get you back to Ta-Koro. We've still got a lot to talk about."

 

 

*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*

 

 

This was originally intended to be a small chapter-based comedy akin to one of the installments of The Adventures of Sumiki's Dad, but I decided against that for a few reasons. It might be a little longer this way, but in the end I think it's of higher quality.

[Master Inika]

That was wonderful, sir. The self-referential humor was funny but didn't overstay its welcome. The characterization was distinctive as well, and the whole thing was easy to visualize. I've never read Sumiki's Dad, but this was pretty great.

[Rooster Nui]

Visualizing was very easy and enjoyable, though I wasn't quite laughing loud at the humorous parts. That's just me, though. I usually have a chuckle, but I guess that's also a lot of people. You did good, though, and I wouldn't mind seeing more comedic content regarding the flaws of the original Bionicle story.