Irrie Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Main topic: http://www.bzpower.com/board/topic/20288-gilead/ Review away. Quote bZpOwEr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonkle Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 This has the makings of a very, very good story. It has an interesting plot and is very well written. Can't wait for more! 1 Quote I been away a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kovika: Visorak Lord Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Dragging me off on another one of your adventures, eh Irrie? I'm sure we'll be fine, or at least Dragon and I will. Besides, we've got my cash, supplies, and the fact that we're awesome. What could possibly go wrong? 3 Quote "In this new- Wait, why am I being quoted?!"-Kovika, Toa of Ice, Bread Enthusiast, and Ko-Metru Scholar. [flash=250,100]http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/sprxtrerme/BANNERS/thornax.swf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The 1st Shadow Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Once again, you pose a highly interesting tale. I look forward to seeing how it turns out. 2 Quote ~Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow ~Credit for Avatar and Banner goes to NickonAquaMagna~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petewa Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 “We will take Dallior, Petewa, Kovika, and Dragon.”Hey look, I'm relevant. Let's see what I packed in my bags...Bronze's suitcase armor, the kitchen sink, hammerspace...I am equipped for the journey. 2 Quote Mataru Nui, an Interactive Adventure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallenAtlas Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Not to be overtly rude here, but it is unreadable. I have extreme difficulty reading walls of text, and while I can tell where one paragraph ends, I cannot tell where they start; it all starts blurring together. Paragraph spacing is your best friend! Use it! Cherish it! I want to read this story, but I just can't, not in its current state. Quote Short Stories: A Chance Meeting | The Destiny of Teridax | End of An Island | A Conversation | Hurt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irrie Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 Not to be overtly rude here, but it is unreadable. I have extreme difficulty reading walls of text, and while I can tell where one paragraph ends, I cannot tell where they start; it all starts blurring together. Paragraph spacing is your best friend! Use it! Cherish it! I want to read this story, but I just can't, not in its current state.Hm, never assumed that'd be a problem since I wrote an entire 20 chapter epic without having a single line space and nobody complained. Anyway it's been fixed. 2 Quote bZpOwEr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallenAtlas Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Not to be overtly rude here, but it is unreadable. I have extreme difficulty reading walls of text, and while I can tell where one paragraph ends, I cannot tell where they start; it all starts blurring together. Paragraph spacing is your best friend! Use it! Cherish it! I want to read this story, but I just can't, not in its current state.Hm, never assumed that'd be a problem since I wrote an entire 20 chapter epic without having a single line space and nobody complained. Anyway it's been fixed. People are different, that is true. But, man, I can't handle that sort of thing. It's just my eyes. Quote Short Stories: A Chance Meeting | The Destiny of Teridax | End of An Island | A Conversation | Hurt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tahu3.0 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 A new Epic i see and a good one in fact. 2 Quote I'm just a simple man, trying to make my way in the Matoran Universe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonkle Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Great new chapter, I feel that the villains were just a tad sudden. Maybe a small hint of them in the previous chapter would have negated that. Quote I been away a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petewa Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I suppose it was a good idea to leave Mokuii behind. 1 Quote Mataru Nui, an Interactive Adventure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonkle Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Oh yeah, and my vehicle is a flyer so I could've just left you fools behind and found the city on my own. Quote I been away a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irrie Posted October 3, 2015 Author Share Posted October 3, 2015 Oh yeah, and my vehicle is a flyer so I could've just left you fools behind and found the city on my own. Artistic license applies to writing as well. 1 Quote bZpOwEr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonkle Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Oh yeah, and my vehicle is a flyer so I could've just left you fools behind and found the city on my own. Artistic license applies to writing as well. *retcon time* It was in Destral Cycle mode when we got there and it's a pain to transform back. Quote I been away a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The 1st Shadow Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) Just got around to reading the new chapter. Very nice piece, some minor inconsistencies. The one that bugged me most was the fact that they were travelling north to the pair of islands. Assuming they're the same islands from my map, why would they go north when the islands are more to the west? It may be a bit confusing, the way I drew it. My vision for it didn't match up with how my fingers wanted to draw the island, so I adjusted the compass rose to be a bit angled to match my vision. Here's an edited version showing directions better. Edited October 8, 2015 by T1Shadow: The Artisan Quote ~Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow ~Credit for Avatar and Banner goes to NickonAquaMagna~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irrie Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Just got around to reading the new chapter. Very nice piece, some minor inconsistencies. The one that bugged me most was the fact that they were travelling north to the pair of islands. Assuming they're the same islands from my map, why would they go north when the islands are more to the west? It may be a bit confusing, the way I drew it. My vision for it didn't match up with how my fingers wanted to draw the island, so I adjusted the compass rose to be a bit angled to match my vision. Here's an edited version showing directions better. Oh, I thought that the tilt on the compass was just a stylistic choice, I assumed that the top=north thing applied here. Would you like for me to refer to it as the northwest instead in the future? Quote bZpOwEr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The 1st Shadow Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 It would make a bit more sense. Don't worry, I'll redo the map one day, so that it aligns with the top=north thingy. 1 Quote ~Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow ~Credit for Avatar and Banner goes to NickonAquaMagna~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petewa Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 It would make a bit more sense. Don't worry, I'll redo the map one day, so that it aligns with the top=north thingy. I once made a map of the Fifth Dimension. It was made Top=South. Quote Mataru Nui, an Interactive Adventure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irrie Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 It would make a bit more sense. Don't worry, I'll redo the map one day, so that it aligns with the top=north thingy. I once made a map of the Fifth Dimension. It was made Top=South. Will you share it? Or will the fifth dimension forever be a secret to those who are not from it? Quote bZpOwEr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petewa Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 It would make a bit more sense. Don't worry, I'll redo the map one day, so that it aligns with the top=north thingy. I once made a map of the Fifth Dimension. It was made Top=South. Will you share it? Or will the fifth dimension forever be a secret to those who are not from it? I will, in time. Likely piece by piece. 1 Quote Mataru Nui, an Interactive Adventure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonkle Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I'm the worst artist on the planet, but perhaps I can sketch something for D2004. Quote I been away a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The 1st Shadow Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I don't believe I dropped this off here... Irrie, for your excellent contributions to the collective works of the Kanohi Force, I hereby bestow upon you my OFFICIAL CANON SEAL OF APPROVAL!! 3 Quote ~Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow ~Credit for Avatar and Banner goes to NickonAquaMagna~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irrie Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 ^ Thanks Shadow! And sorry for not producing these chapters as regularly as I did for VA. High school is throwing a lot of new stuff for me to deal with, so it may be a week or so before I can get back into my writing mojo again. 1 Quote bZpOwEr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kovika: Visorak Lord Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 ^ Thanks Shadow! And sorry for not producing these chapters as regularly as I did for VA. High school is throwing a lot of new stuff for me to deal with, so it may be a week or so before I can get back into my writing mojo again.I feel you bro. 2 Quote "In this new- Wait, why am I being quoted?!"-Kovika, Toa of Ice, Bread Enthusiast, and Ko-Metru Scholar. [flash=250,100]http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/sprxtrerme/BANNERS/thornax.swf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irrie Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 ^ Thanks Shadow! And sorry for not producing these chapters as regularly as I did for VA. High school is throwing a lot of new stuff for me to deal with, so it may be a week or so before I can get back into my writing mojo again.I feel you bro. This also being the reason why I haven't made any Bionicleballs this week. Quote bZpOwEr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonkle Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 ^ Thanks Shadow! And sorry for not producing these chapters as regularly as I did for VA. High school is throwing a lot of new stuff for me to deal with, so it may be a week or so before I can get back into my writing mojo again.I feel you bro. This also being the reason why I haven't made any Bionicleballs this week. Hey, no worries. I pretty much dropped my comedies entirely 'cause of my PSAT, as well as several essays I've yet to write. Quote I been away a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irrie Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 ^ Thanks Shadow! And sorry for not producing these chapters as regularly as I did for VA. High school is throwing a lot of new stuff for me to deal with, so it may be a week or so before I can get back into my writing mojo again.I feel you bro. This also being the reason why I haven't made any Bionicleballs this week. Hey, no worries. I pretty much dropped my comedies entirely 'cause of my PSAT, as well as several essays I've yet to write. Spanish moss is neither Spanish nor moss. Frederick Douglas hates the 4th of July. I will spend 45 dollars on cookies and water bottles.Miguel uploaded my poems to El Nacional again. Quote bZpOwEr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonkle Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 ^ Thanks Shadow! And sorry for not producing these chapters as regularly as I did for VA. High school is throwing a lot of new stuff for me to deal with, so it may be a week or so before I can get back into my writing mojo again.I feel you bro. This also being the reason why I haven't made any Bionicleballs this week. Hey, no worries. I pretty much dropped my comedies entirely 'cause of my PSAT, as well as several essays I've yet to write. Spanish moss is neither Spanish nor moss. Frederick Douglas hates the 4th of July. I will spend 45 dollars on cookies and water bottles.Miguel uploaded my poems to El Nacional again. @_@ That's the most relatable post I've ever seen on BZP. 1 Quote I been away a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irrie Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 Alright guys, I PROMISE that I'll have a new chapter done by the end of the week, probably before that. Just now getting back into the swing of things after a short blip of inactivity. 1 Quote bZpOwEr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petewa Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Alright guys, I PROMISE that I'll have a new chapter done by the end of the week, probably before that. Just now getting back into the swing of things after a short blip of inactivity. Good to know. Quote Mataru Nui, an Interactive Adventure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonkle Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 "Please, be rational for once." I'm DYING. 1 Quote I been away a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petewa Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 “Please, be rational for once.”The Irrational Rock (alternatively known as "Irrie") might have trouble with that. “Same,” said Petewa.But that sounds so boring... 1 Quote Mataru Nui, an Interactive Adventure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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