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Rebirth

SSC#8 Entry

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#1 Offline Peach 00

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Posted Nov 30 2011 - 04:43 PM

RebirthCould one being be born twice in one life?Darkness – a sensible term for loneliness and depravity. Depravation was all he had. Nothing more than widgets to him. The dingy-white and emerald –clad Toa simply crouched in the musty alleyway, thinking of the turmoil and chaos in the world. He was a part of it – a creator within it all. The Mercenary Wars were becoming a distressing part of the trade routes and island inhabitation, specifically on islands Krikua, Odus, and Fedra-Nui. Odus was near deserted – the exact desertion he was seeing now.There were few in the streets, and if there were any inhabitants, they were hiding in the wrecked buildings – the empty edifices, crouched on the shattered glass in the shops. Everything was once friendly, with warm smiles here and there, everywhere. Odus was a place much unlike his home of the Echo Isles: There weren’t any tribes divided among the isles that may have conflicts, and there was a mixture of all elemental beings that didn’t care for who or what they were. Strangers could be your best friends – or your worst enemies.But he wasn’t here for the glory of hunting down mercenaries. He wanted to see the chaos he had caused, to see what disruption that such a simplicity could cause.Silio, Toa of Air, was horrified.His objective was simple: Infiltrate the fortress at the city’s edge.Who knew that these offers were threats in disguise? Silio didn’t care for petty bribes and offers. The organization…he could not remember the name. He didn’t care about it, either. They said that turmoil would strike like an earthquake without the help of mercenaries. But he knew that they would cause the turmoil, with or without the help of bounty hunters. The islands that had been corrupted were Fedra-Nui, Krikua – several others, not to forget the island he was on now, Odus.He didn’t care. Nothing in the world was worth caring about – the signs of depravity and decadence. Debauchery would eventually corrupt his very soul, but he did not know when. But whenever it was, he couldn’t do anything about it.The streets which he walked on were cold, a rough, asphalt ground that he would walk on for a long time coming. At a distance, he saw a patrol: Energy hounds, three guards with assault rifles and energy swords. But at first, Silio was confused: Only the Order had energy hounds…they wouldn’t give them up to these bounty hunters. Then a thought dawned on Silio as he realized that, being reformed Dark Hunters, ex-Toa, and maybe even Makuta, they were obviously larcenists that traded valuables for these beasts on the black market.It wouldn’t be long until he became one himself. He was an ex-Toa – in a way. He abandoned his group with means of deliberate imprisonment. He broke the Toa’s code purposefully to escape that brutal life of conflicts between comrades, to be banished from the Echo Isles. Silio only despised that place more than the organization that had begun to damage him.Silio ducked for a moment, summoning the power of his Kanohi Crast, forcing the power at the ground to repel himself upward. He landed on a low building just a few feet away from his initial position – quickly he kneeled down, scanning the area. The squadron, although at first seeming alerted of a stranger’s presence, had taken note of the neighboring patrol passing by. It confused Silio that they allowed this action – after all, why want two patrols in the same area? That leaves open space for an intruder to slip past…But then that dawned on him. Wherever that patrol wasn’t, he would be.Going into a prone position, Silio continued to crawl his way on the top of the building, gawking to the left, right, below, and above areas to make sure there weren’t people viewing his position. Quickly he rose to a crouched position, moving without hesitation until he met the edge of the building. Looking downward, there were two patrols incoming – without faltering, he jumped down, equipping his mask power and repelling the ground to have an enormous boost upward. He looked at what would soon be his next location: Three story building, not far away from the fortress he intended to make his way to.To his good fortune, nobody below had spotted him.Landing with a loud cracking sound in his ankles, he lurched and staggered for a moment at the pain. Only a few moments of recovery and I can get moving again, he thought, trying to keep patient and waiting for the throbbing pain to easy off and fade away. Not only a minute afterwards it faded, and swiftly he stood back up to gaze at everything around him.So far, so good, he thought. Jumping building-to-building was naturally helping the ability to reach the fortress, but the only question was if he would actually succeed in getting past any security systems within the fortress. He’d figured that there were plenty of guards around, but getting past them would be his main problem. Now, for the main distraction he planned.At his hip was a holster carrying a sleek pistol, the holster attached to a belt around his waist. He carried a dagger, three extra clips filled with bullets, and a small, round, black object that was a decoy. The decoy was going to be the distraction – throwing it as far away as possible, it would trigger gunfire noises. The way he had planned it, the guards would be alerted and would be going in the general direction of the gunfire. After that, he’d have the capability to head for the hills without getting noticed.Or, that’s what the best outcome would be.Taking it, he gawked at it for a moment – pressing a small timer button on it with the touch of his fingertip, Silio threw it as far as he could, watching it fade into the darkness of the sky. Determined, he sprinted rooftop to rooftop –Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four…He counted down to the last three numbers when he reached a buildings edge, and he heard the gunfire. It was like firecrackers being launched in the night, a sound unlike any other. It rang in Silio’s ears, but he heard the alarm ringing even louder. Hitting the ground hard, he waited until he saw the patrols moving in the general direction of the decoy.Prone on the concrete rooftop, he stared around at the scenery as he waited – there were tall buildings everywhere, some very low while others were like skyscrapers. At a distance he could still seeing the towering, looming hideout with a long, twisted shadow spread out almost towards the city. Even at this great a distance, it was still enormous to the eye. The moonlight, shining directly at the street, was like a spotlight just hovering above the area, clean and bright and without any form of interruption.But finally, it was time to stop sightseeing. The patrols were basically out of the vicinity, and Silio jumped downward, hitting the asphalt street uncomfortably. Repelling himself upward every now and again with his Crast, Silio continued to run through the streets, wishing he had the power of a Kanohi Kakama to guide him with great speed to the fortress. But, then again, he would have been caught without the power of his own mask.He could still hear the gunfire, even from far-off. Silio continued to run, evading the alarm with ease. Suddenly, he came to a hard stop, his feet sliding as he held his ground. He heard talking, words that were a whisper. Whatever it was, he wouldn’t hear it – creating an air cushion with his elemental power, he flew upward to land on a three-floor building with acrobatic prowess. It was a simple task for an air-Toa of his kind – all the Toa of Air in his tribe were taught to be more graceful than others, to let their abilities be as graceful as the air they controlled. A function he knew he’d forget just by infiltrating the fortress.But, finally he stopped. He had to hear the conversation.“But, my lord, he appears to be resilient to handle, hard to please…” a voice said, one that seemed somewhere between high and low pitches. It depended on how the words were phrased.“I do not care, Fuzan,” another voice said, this much deeper than the opposing speaker. “The tougher kind is the type we need – nothing should stick to them. Without that kind of people, we are left with weaklings who are left with bitter memories and wanting to leave the place they entered. They are cowardly, while we need people who will take orders, but also command them. With this character, we have what we need. I know he will make his name clear within our organization – after all, a Toa without a team is the type we want.”“Brave though he sounds, it doesn’t mean he’ll be the same in person,” Fuzan answered. “But, then again, a person needs to be brave to forget our organization and ignore a highly tempting offer. If I were in this Toa’s position, I would have taken it instantly. We are, after all, a force not to be meddled with.”Suddenly an air of unease surfaced. Silio knew they were talking about him – but there was something wrong. This ‘lord’ he saw seemed less communicative, an ominous aura falling over the area. He knew that this lord, whoever he was, had obvious power and was obviously the menacing figure that lead this organization. There was no doubt about it – and Silio could feel that something was wrong. As though he knew that he was there…But suddenly there was a grip – a strong, unyielding grip that wouldn’t be able to push away. Silio’s eyes wandered onto a tall, menacing figure with a dark reddish-black Jutlin, scars and scratches covering every inch of the mask. He could see a flame-like scar underneath one of the blood-colored eyes, and Silio knew that there would be no getting out of this situation.From what he saw, the figure had rusted armor with the color of teal revealing this rust, scarlet patches, and black colors all blending in on the heavily-built being. He had to be over seven feet, a being with such an enormous amount of force that there was no stopping him when angered. This person was not a person he had wanted to cross paths with – but now, it was too late.Everything faded, and he could hear his body fall limp onto the concrete rooftop, and his last sight was that of the lord and the being known as Fuzan just gazing down at the utterly powerless Toa of Air.~:~Darkness. It was all that clouded his sight, his thoughts – everything. Nothing but shadows crawled over him, until a seemingly bright light came upon him. Everything was hazy, the light a blur and his location seeming dull and hard to make out with his clouded vision. It was hard to decipher a chair from a desk with how utterly hazy and thick everything was for Silio.It began to clear gradually, until he could finally make things out clearly. He was in a small confinement place, concrete, load-bearing walls surrounding him. It was a space that would make any Toa claustrophobic, for there were only a few feet in walking space. At the left corner there was a desk and what appeared to be a rather uncomfortable chair, and what he was sitting on appeared to be a bed with a thin mattress with what felt like a stack of bricks underneath it.Nothing felt right – his head ached with a throbbing pain unlike no other he had felt in any conflict, his body feeling stiffer than the mattress underneath him. There was no end to the pain – an infinity of its endless, needle-like, excruciating pain.He sat up, barely making wall from an iron door even with the clarity of vision. Everything was grey and dim, like there was no color in the world and everything was desolate and bleak. From the corner of his eye he could see one color, an eye-searing, blood-red color coming from that of a camera in the upper-right corner of the room.There just had to be a camera, didn’t there? he thought, exasperated by the minds of these people. There are two-foot thick concrete walls surrounding me and they expect me to get out! But he sighed for a moment, resting back down to look up at the ceiling. Then again, I wouldn’t go without one, even in this cell.Suddenly there were footsteps. They were near silent, but he heard them – slowly they approached his direction, and gradually he relaxed. He stared at the ceiling, awaiting the appearance of his ‘guest’. Seconds later a tall figure entered, wearing a burgundy Kanohi Felnas. His armor was black and scarlet, and he looked at the eyes – they had a distinct color. They had a bluish-purple tint, a strange color that seemed so unorthodox but still existed before his eyes. He locked eyes with the stranger, and could only assume that this was one of this lord’s minions.“Greetings, Toa,” he said, and he recognized the voice, realizing it belonged to Fuzan.“Not Toa,” Silio corrected - his voice was bitter and almost sounded like the hiss of a snake. “I was a Toa. Not anymore.”“What may I call you, then?” Fuzan questioned.“Silio,” he answered in an almost subtle sense. But his tone changed to an acerbic voice, the same snakelike hiss coming back into his voice: A quality unable to forge without pure intentions of creating it and no remorse. “I am a roamer, a vagabond – a type of character the world tosses into the lower class and doesn’t take a second look at. I believe that fits the characteristics you search for in this group.”“Indeed it does,” he responded. “You seem straightforward – a person with a terminal case of carelessness for the world. You care for yourself, but not others. The perfect character…the perfect character indeed…” His voice seemed to die off into a whisper, but it was obvious what both of them were getting at. Silio’s intentions weren’t exactly discreet, but Fuzan still respected his instantaneous, clear-cut mannerism. One that was always respectable.“Then you know what I am getting at, correct?” Silio asked.“I do indeed,” Fuzan answered. “You will get your wish – the Lord always gets what he wants indeed. A true sentiment that could be no finer than it is…” He sighed: Business for the day was settled and done, with no complications needed to be changed. It was all too simplistic for Silio’s and Fuzan’s tastes, but the best way to haggle. Any other way would take far too long and only waste more time than ever needed. “For the meantime,” he continued, “we’ll keep you here. I’ll inform the Lord of it, and training will start immediately – he won’t turn this offer down.”Fuzan left only shortly afterwards, and Silio considered the mere seconds the deal was made. His old life as a Toa would be forgotten, and he wouldn’t be scarred with that. He’d forget the memories, the emotional scars left on him for these years of abandonment that he had always intended to have. He had it now, and he had no remorse if his team had died; no regret for what he had done. Everything had changed – nothing to be the same.It was Silio’s rebirth.~:~Wow...I never thought I'd be entering the contest, but I'm glad I did. To who ever reads this, thanks, and I hope you review - C&C is really appreciated. :)
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On the day the wall came down / They threw the locks onto the ground
And with glasses high / We raised a cry / For freedom had arrived
 
On the day the wall came down / The ship of fools had finally run aground
Promises lit up the night / Like paper doves in flight
 
I dreamed you had left my side / No warmth, not even pride remained
And even though you needed me / It was clear that I could not do a thing for you
 
Now life devalues day by day / As friends and neighbors turn away
And there's a change that even with regret / Cannot be undone
 
Now frontiers shift like desert sands / While nations wash their bloodied hands
Of loyalty, of history / In shades of grey
 
I woke to the sound of drums / The music played, the morning sun streamed in
I turned and I looked at you / And all but the bitter residues slipped away
 
slipped away...
 




#2 Online Click

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Posted Nov 30 2011 - 05:48 PM

That was a really creative plot! Not the kind of rebirth I was thinking, almost a bad rebirth as he joined the Dark Hunters. I have high hopes for your story!
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#3 Offline Peach 00

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Posted Dec 02 2011 - 11:41 PM

That was a really creative plot! Not the kind of rebirth I was thinking, almost a bad rebirth as he joined the Dark Hunters. I have high hopes for your story!

Thanks! His 'rebirth' was a mixture of good and bad. It was good because he escaped some of the pain and the corruption he was feeling. However, it was bad because he betrayed the Toa's code by joining. And actually, it isn't the Dark Hunters, but a group similar to them. It's called 'The Dark Ones' in my epic, controlled by the 'lord' named in the story, but the lord was once a part of the Dark Hunters but left to form the organization.Thanks for the comment, and for the hope. I'm hoping I'll get somewhere near the top as well - thanks! :)

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On the day the wall came down / They threw the locks onto the ground
And with glasses high / We raised a cry / For freedom had arrived
 
On the day the wall came down / The ship of fools had finally run aground
Promises lit up the night / Like paper doves in flight
 
I dreamed you had left my side / No warmth, not even pride remained
And even though you needed me / It was clear that I could not do a thing for you
 
Now life devalues day by day / As friends and neighbors turn away
And there's a change that even with regret / Cannot be undone
 
Now frontiers shift like desert sands / While nations wash their bloodied hands
Of loyalty, of history / In shades of grey
 
I woke to the sound of drums / The music played, the morning sun streamed in
I turned and I looked at you / And all but the bitter residues slipped away
 
slipped away...
 




#4 Offline Grant-Sud

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Posted Dec 04 2011 - 02:18 AM

Really the descriptions are just wonderfully done, and I loved Silio's character in your epic. He has a rebirth about him, but really I think it's more in the beginning and the story shows his final stage into a full Dark Hunter right at the end. The action and navigation of the character were excellent and it's a good read. The ending might be a little swift, but that wasn't the full point of the story, in my opinion, so no big deal. Hope this goes far in the contest. Nice job Peach!
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#5 Offline Peach 00

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Posted Dec 09 2011 - 09:03 PM

Really the descriptions are just wonderfully done, and I loved Silio's character in your epic. He has a rebirth about him, but really I think it's more in the beginning and the story shows his final stage into a full Dark Hunter right at the end. The action and navigation of the character were excellent and it's a good read. The ending might be a little swift, but that wasn't the full point of the story, in my opinion, so no big deal. Hope this goes far in the contest. Nice job Peach!

I know, I loved him, too. : D The end was kind of rushed, but that's because I was rushed in writing it - the entry period was slowly reaching an end, so I had to rush. =PThanks for the comments as always, Grant - and I hope yours does, too. I'm going to try to read yours soon, I promise. =)

Edited by Peach 00, Dec 11 2011 - 11:34 AM.

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On the day the wall came down / They threw the locks onto the ground
And with glasses high / We raised a cry / For freedom had arrived
 
On the day the wall came down / The ship of fools had finally run aground
Promises lit up the night / Like paper doves in flight
 
I dreamed you had left my side / No warmth, not even pride remained
And even though you needed me / It was clear that I could not do a thing for you
 
Now life devalues day by day / As friends and neighbors turn away
And there's a change that even with regret / Cannot be undone
 
Now frontiers shift like desert sands / While nations wash their bloodied hands
Of loyalty, of history / In shades of grey
 
I woke to the sound of drums / The music played, the morning sun streamed in
I turned and I looked at you / And all but the bitter residues slipped away
 
slipped away...
 




#6 Offline Engineer Alexandra Humva

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Posted Dec 26 2011 - 11:27 AM

Hoo-boy. Got my work cut out on this one. And in a good way.First, characters, because they're so important in this story. Silio is extremely well described; you can actually relate to him in some aspects, and his personality makes his actions seem natural. We get backstory and personality descriptions throughout the story in easy to manage bits, and it flows together quite well, none of the descriptions seeming contrived or breaking the flow of the story. Lots of points on that. The brief conversation with the lord and Fuzan give them some depth, though admittedly not much, but it's brief; can't expect much. All and all it was pretty good characterization, and the conversation in the conclusion wraps it up rather nicely without breaking the flow or character path. Silio's switch is natural thanks to the details we get on him, so it works great.Plot, well, there doesn't seem to be much of one outside of Silio's story, which is perfectly fine. The mercenary organization provides an interesting backbone, and the little description of the world that is given works pretty well. The fortress infiltration is well plotted and wrote, keeping things flowing and making sense.I can't really find any major faults; so I can't really provide any suggestions on the story. It works, it's written well, the characterization is excellent. Consider this story a success.
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