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Battle for Spherus Magna: Review

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35 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Mar 18 2016 - 04:25 PM

So I was told I should create a review topic for my Epic, BIONICLE: Battle for Spherus Manga, which you can link to below:
 
http://www.bzpower.c...-spherus-magna/

Edited by Black Six, Oct 25 2016 - 01:37 PM.

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#2 Offline Iku

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Posted May 13 2016 - 06:46 PM

Sorry I don't currently have time for an in depth review but love your writing style (dynamic sentence and vocab use, characterisation on point) and the idea of using landmass names as GB names was a stroke of genius that lends an air of mythic proportions to the GBs. 

Keep it up! 


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"Keep in mind that if Star Trek fans had, as a group, said, 'No point in talking about this anymore, it's never going to come back,' it never WOULD have come back."

 

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#3 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted May 20 2016 - 05:41 PM

Thanks man-I appreciate your comments. I was beginning to think nobody thought much of Battle for Spherus Magna, given that nobody's posted in here until you did.


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#4 Offline FrozenPancake_

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Posted Jun 14 2016 - 12:59 PM

All of your references.... Wow. I quite like this continuation, and I'm itching to see more! Keep up the great work!


Edited by FrozenPancake_, Jun 14 2016 - 01:00 PM.

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A big thank you to Toucan Sam for the Okotian name.

[topic='gallery_115994_378_11223.jpg'][/topic]

 

:vahi: [ON HIATUS]  :vahi: 

 

 

#5 Offline Visualmnm

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Posted Jun 17 2016 - 01:12 AM

Great read, very much looking forward to the rest!


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#6 Offline Lenny7092

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Posted Jul 24 2016 - 09:33 PM

Very great story you put there! I love it! Can't wait for more!
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I like Lego, Bionicle, and Hero Factory!:)

#7 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Oct 26 2016 - 12:58 AM

Dude...I got featured on the home page...I had kind of assumed that the lack of any commentary in this topic meant that nobody was all that interested in it.


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#8 Offline The Night's King

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Posted Oct 27 2016 - 11:16 AM

Incredible! This epic is amazing! The scope of it all, it's like, massive on a Marvel Avengers level scale, going back to feature all these old familiar characters, picking up from those unfinished serial cliffhangers, making use out of all those unexplained 2002 Bionicle alternate builds, using Generation 2 names, references to other works (I must find these particular works you've referenced and give them a read!), and raising the dead... literally!

I'm looking forward to more! Mata Nui vs. Voporak... that should be a most gripping matchup! You must finish this work!


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The Night King's BIONICLE 2.0 Collection
Toa Masters: [IIIIII] Toa Uniters: [IIIIII] Protectors: [IIIIII] Creatures: [IIIIII] Mask Maker: [II] Shadow Spawn: [III] Umarak: [II]
Kulta's Horde: [II]
 

"...The cold winds shall rise, and the dead shall rise with them..."

 

"And all the world shall feel... our... FREEZE!"


#9 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Oct 27 2016 - 05:26 PM

Incredible! This epic is amazing! The scope of it all, it's like, massive on a Marvel Avengers level scale, going back to feature all these old familiar characters, picking up from those unfinished serial cliffhangers, making use out of all those unexplained 2002 Bionicle alternate builds, using Generation 2 names, references to other works (I must find these particular works you've referenced and give them a read!), and raising the dead... literally!

I'm looking forward to more! Mata Nui vs. Voporak... that should be a most gripping matchup! You must finish this work!


You're too kind, my friend. I've always been a fan of references and giving all parts of a franchise their due, and I'm glad it's being enjoyed. Alvis' works are right here on BZPower: End of the Brotherhood is here in Epics, while you can find Descendant and An Even Exchange in Short Stories. He's a masterful writer, and those works in particular are more than worthy of canonization.

I did take some liberties with Greg's Red Star plot line-it seemed like a waste that most of the characters he listed as having been revived were ones who've had plenty of page time already. Don't worry, this story's getting finished barring the unforeseen-I'll be starting work on the next chapter before long. Hopefully it continues to impress-honestly the showdown between Voporak and Mata a Nui has me a tad intimidated.

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#10 Offline VahiHolder02

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Posted Oct 31 2016 - 03:23 PM

Your work deserves great credit, Wiriamu! Your undertaking has proved very enjoyable. You really capture the essence of these characters, and I really feel that I am reading a 'legitimate' G1 story. The fact that you have woven so many characters into the story is also very admirable, as this is a very challenging task. While others might view it as sacrilege, I enjoyed your use of G2 names and your use of the Makuta body was also perfect.

 

While I'm sure your not taking suggestions/requests, I have a couple of questions about future installments (if applicable):

-Is the Fire Entity planned to make an appearance, or are the Element Lords too similar of characters?

-Does Mata Nui remember Helryx's place in the origin of the Toa Mata and Destiny War?

-and finally, will the original Turaga make additional appearances? I feel like you have the skill to deliver a great conversation between Lhikan and Vakama.

 

Thanks again for your work!


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#11 Offline The Night's King

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Posted Oct 31 2016 - 07:12 PM

 

Incredible! This epic is amazing! The scope of it all, it's like, massive on a Marvel Avengers level scale, going back to feature all these old familiar characters, picking up from those unfinished serial cliffhangers, making use out of all those unexplained 2002 Bionicle alternate builds, using Generation 2 names, references to other works (I must find these particular works you've referenced and give them a read!), and raising the dead... literally!

I'm looking forward to more! Mata Nui vs. Voporak... that should be a most gripping matchup! You must finish this work!


You're too kind, my friend. I've always been a fan of references and giving all parts of a franchise their due, and I'm glad it's being enjoyed. Alvis' works are right here on BZPower: End of the Brotherhood is here in Epics, while you can find Descendant and An Even Exchange in Short Stories. He's a masterful writer, and those works in particular are more than worthy of canonization.

I did take some liberties with Greg's Red Star plot line-it seemed like a waste that most of the characters he listed as having been revived were ones who've had plenty of page time already. Don't worry, this story's getting finished barring the unforeseen-I'll be starting work on the next chapter before long. Hopefully it continues to impress-honestly the showdown between Voporak and Mata a Nui has me a tad intimidated.

 

I will definitely look those up. In the meantime, I do hope you give Takanuva some more scenes. One of my biggest gripes about Bionicle Gen 1 was that after 2003, he sort of became barely relevant. 2008 gave him a little love, yes, but it was only a little. He was, after all, one of the earliest protagonists of the series, and then became so underrated after that. A scene where Takanuva fights alongside Mata Nui would be awesome... that is, if Mata Nui survives Voporak, anyhow (whom I always felt was one of the most overpowered characters of the series.)

Also, I do hope you'll take this battle on a more "bloody" route where some of these numerous baddies go on a killing spree in this huge multi-level battle. (Not telling you what to write, BTW. That's just my wishful thinking, I've watched too many episodes of The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones.)


Edited by The Night's King, Oct 31 2016 - 07:12 PM.

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The Night King's BIONICLE 2.0 Collection
Toa Masters: [IIIIII] Toa Uniters: [IIIIII] Protectors: [IIIIII] Creatures: [IIIIII] Mask Maker: [II] Shadow Spawn: [III] Umarak: [II]
Kulta's Horde: [II]
 

"...The cold winds shall rise, and the dead shall rise with them..."

 

"And all the world shall feel... our... FREEZE!"


#12 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Nov 01 2016 - 01:20 AM

Incredible! This epic is amazing! The scope of it all, it's like, massive on a Marvel Avengers level scale, going back to feature all these old familiar characters, picking up from those unfinished serial cliffhangers, making use out of all those unexplained 2002 Bionicle alternate builds, using Generation 2 names, references to other works (I must find these particular works you've referenced and give them a read!), and raising the dead... literally!

I'm looking forward to more! Mata Nui vs. Voporak... that should be a most gripping matchup! You must finish this work!


You're too kind, my friend. I've always been a fan of references and giving all parts of a franchise their due, and I'm glad it's being enjoyed. Alvis' works are right here on BZPower: End of the Brotherhood is here in Epics, while you can find Descendant and An Even Exchange in Short Stories. He's a masterful writer, and those works in particular are more than worthy of canonization.

I did take some liberties with Greg's Red Star plot line-it seemed like a waste that most of the characters he listed as having been revived were ones who've had plenty of page time already. Don't worry, this story's getting finished barring the unforeseen-I'll be starting work on the next chapter before long. Hopefully it continues to impress-honestly the showdown between Voporak and Mata a Nui has me a tad intimidated.

I will definitely look those up. In the meantime, I do hope you give Takanuva some more scenes. One of my biggest gripes about Bionicle Gen 1 was that after 2003, he sort of became barely relevant. 2008 gave him a little love, yes, but it was only a little. He was, after all, one of the earliest protagonists of the series, and then became so underrated after that. A scene where Takanuva fights alongside Mata Nui would be awesome... that is, if Mata Nui survives Voporak, anyhow (whom I always felt was one of the most overpowered characters of the series.)

Also, I do hope you'll take this battle on a more "bloody" route where some of these numerous baddies go on a killing spree in this huge multi-level battle. (Not telling you what to write, BTW. That's just my wishful thinking, I've watched too many episodes of The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones.)

Oh, I have some definite plans for Takanuva-not what Greg had in mind for him, but I hope it will be to your liking. Voporak's powers do make him pretty formidable, and it's not like I want to fall back on the whole "he needs oxygen" thing that beat him back in Time Trap; it's part of why I'm worried about trying to write that battle. But I do have some ideas, and hopefully what comes out won't seem too contrived. A battle of Titan Takanuva and Toa Mata Nui against some foe is quite the prospect-I don't know if I can fit it in, but we'll see how things unfold.
 
Hey man, everyone's entitled to their opinion. Without going into details, I will say that you can expect a greater level of intensity to this battle-actual characters will be perishing, as opposed to the nameless or purely historical characters Greg was so fond of offing back in the day. I will say-but I'll put it in spoilers in case you want to remain surprised-that I have one resolution:

Spoiler

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#13 Offline rednas3636

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Posted Nov 12 2016 - 09:38 AM

not a review but I was just wondering if there happens to be a pdf of this somewhere ^^

 

if not, ah well. hyped for this :D


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#14 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Nov 12 2016 - 11:17 AM

not a review but I was just wondering if there happens to be a pdf of this somewhere ^^

if not, ah well. hyped for this :D


No, no pdf; if enough people are interested I would definitely consider it.

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#15 Offline rednas3636

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Posted Nov 12 2016 - 12:20 PM

 

not a review but I was just wondering if there happens to be a pdf of this somewhere ^^

if not, ah well. hyped for this :D


No, no pdf; if enough people are interested I would definitely consider it.

 

 

hehe okay. i'd make it myself, but, eh, spoilers  :P


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#16 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Nov 22 2016 - 01:49 AM

Well folks, I have some bad news for you. I've decided that I need to take a break from BZPower-and Bionicle in general-for a while, which means you've gotten what may be the last chapter of Battle for Spherus Magna for the forseeable future, if not for good. Don't get me wrong-I would very much like to finish this guy, particularly given the positive feedback I've been receiving and the honor of being featured on the main page. However, I've got some stuff going on that has me thinking a hiatus is in order. How long this hiatus lasts is up in the air: I could very well have another chapter posted next week, or-worst case scenario-the current most recent chapter may end up being the end of it.

 

Having been in the position I think many of us have been not only with Bionicle G1 itself but also various other franchises and fan-related works based thereon coming to a cliffhanger ending as I've warned this might, I feel obliged to share at least some of what I had planned. In the hope that I may continue at some future point, I won't reveal everything, and I'll put it in spoiler tags in case you'd rather wait to see if the story does get continued or would rather imagine your own conclusions. Thank you all for reading.

 

Spoiler


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#17 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Jan 15 2017 - 10:59 PM

So, if nobody noticed, I am back and continuing Battle for Spherus Magna. A recent development has me wondering if I should make a change: namely, editing previous chapters to reflect revelations/new canonizations with regards to the Element Lords (and Ladies) and the Earth Tribe. Does anyone think I should do this, or would it be too much of a George Lucas move?


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#18 Offline Shadow Destroyer

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Posted Jan 27 2017 - 03:27 PM

I'm about to read this from the beginning! Definitely enjoying what I'm seeing so far...


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#19 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Jan 29 2017 - 01:25 AM

I'm about to read this from the beginning! Definitely enjoying what I'm seeing so far...

 

Glad you like it!


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#20 Offline DuplexBeGreat

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Posted Feb 12 2017 - 01:04 AM

Oh, right. Review topics are a thing. I'll post my review here, which I sent via PM, as well as some additional thoughts.

 

The original review:

 

You, sir, have *skill*. I audibly gasped or cheered or laughed about once every ten seconds. It feels like I'm reading the actual continuation of the serials created by Greg himself. While your ability to create epic battle scenes and your knowledge of the most obscure details of G1 canon is obviously quite impressive, I think it's no surprise that I'm even more in love with the way that you manage to manipulate such vast numbers of characters. These are the types of stories that I love the most--- where there are so many different factions, and so many characters in each, so many that I have to actually make a list to keep track of them. (I did that by the way--- I made a Google Doc with a hierarchical layout of all 14 armies involved in the massive Battle for Spherus Magna, then added a 15th army for the late arrival of Alt-Terry.) It feels like you're on some kind of mission to include every single Bionicle set, combiner, and concept every conceived in this story--- and you're succeeding fantastically, even down to the Good Guy, Bad Guy, and Function sets! I'm proud to say that in the last few chapters, I've been correctly identifying the combiner models when they are described, without having to rely on your footnotes. I can't wait to see how this all ends!

 

Additional information:

 

I completely agree with The Night's King's comment that this feels like an Avengers-style crossover on the level of AvX or Siege, what with how it has so many interlacing plot lines and characters. The references to so many parts of the community and G2 continuity are very, very impressive; it really shows that you understand the community mindset and is immensely rewarding for a reader who knows those details as well.

 

Your battle scenes are exciting and dramatic. Tarix vs Pridak was beautiful, and I loved the idea of having the Nuva confront the Element Lords, as well as the Bohrok fighting the Baterra.

 

I don't agree with every departure from canon that you've made (such as a few Red Star revived characters who are confirmed not revived, mainly Sidorak), but none of them detract from the story in the least.


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#21 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Feb 12 2017 - 10:10 PM

As when you sent me the PM, I do appreciate your kind words and comments.

 

I think the scale of the story is more due to the expansiveness of the Bionicle universe than anything else, though I will admit that the official series never really implemented it on this scale. I've always loved the larger Bionicle universe-stuff like the Hagah that didn't get much story time in the actual series, and really wanted to bring that together in the sort of epic scale battle that the fans had hoped that Journey's End would have been, minus the two absurdly huge robots. I am quite a fan of G2, and while it's nothing on G1 storywise I thought it had many elements, particularly in terms of design and naming, that would fit in well with G1. The Nuva against the Lords always seemed like a natural fight to me, though I must admit that I'm at a loss to describe any such battle of pure Elemental Power at length.

 

Yeah, I figured that the Red Star departure might turn some heads-the whole subject of it being a means by which dead characters are revived has been controversial since it was first revealed. The thing that was most irritating to me about it was that, after Greg made this big reveal that all these characters who were dead are now back, he did some major cutbacks. If you stick with what Greg established, you end up with characters that, to me, are either ones whose deaths are cheapened by this return-such as Lhikan-or characters whose return is just another case of Greg apparently having second thoughts about a plot decision and using this as an excuse to reverse it, such as Botar, Nocturn, or Mavrah, along with a handful of characters who were barely characters as all. I figured "if we're going to have an absurd plot device, let's make full use of it!", barring of course the return of any Makuta, Matoro, and a couple others. I personally have always liked Sidorak's design, and was disappointed by the treatment he got in Web of Shadows; as such I thought it would be good to give him a second chance, though of course I can understand not everybody feeling that way and am glad that the story's apparently good enough that you're willing to overlook it.


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#22 Offline DuplexBeGreat

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Posted Feb 26 2017 - 08:40 PM

Loved the latest chapter. Kraata-Kal's heroic moment, Alternate Teridax's sacrifice, and the battle between Makuta and Mata Nui were all very well-written and enjoyable to read. It's also quite funny that Karzahni seems to be forming a small army of... Matoran.

 

A minor correction that I thought you should be aware of: I was rereading some of the earlier chapters, and noticed that you described Marendar's sensors as detecting traces of Toa energy on Vastus, but only in his spear. This would actually not be the case--- contrary to popular belief among the community (and actual in-universe belief of nearly every character), Mata Nui gave elemental powers directly to the Glatorian themselves, and Marendar would have detected this. Mata Nui deliberately let the Glatorian think that the power was contained within their weapons, because if they had known that they had gained inherent powers (in effect making them similar to the Element Lords, who they very much feared and despised) they would have been freaked out.


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#23 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Feb 27 2017 - 08:09 PM

Loved the latest chapter. Kraata-Kal's heroic moment, Alternate Teridax's sacrifice, and the battle between Makuta and Mata Nui were all very well-written and enjoyable to read. It's also quite funny that Karzahni seems to be forming a small army of... Matoran.

 

A minor correction that I thought you should be aware of: I was rereading some of the earlier chapters, and noticed that you described Marendar's sensors as detecting traces of Toa energy on Vastus, but only in his spear. This would actually not be the case--- contrary to popular belief among the community (and actual in-universe belief of nearly every character), Mata Nui gave elemental powers directly to the Glatorian themselves, and Marendar would have detected this. Mata Nui deliberately let the Glatorian think that the power was contained within their weapons, because if they had known that they had gained inherent powers (in effect making them similar to the Element Lords, who they very much feared and despised) they would have been freaked out.

Glad that you're enjoying it. As for the Mata Nui-Glatorian thing, do you know where Greg revealed that? The impression I got from The Legend Reborn was that Mata Nui changed the weapons, though it may have allowed the Glatorian to access innate Elemental Powers they were previously unaware of. I don't see how Mata Nui would even have known about the Element Lords at that time-it's not like it would have been vital to his mission-so it seems like a stretch that he wouldn't tell Ackar or the others based on that. If I'm wrong I'm wrong; you're just the first source I've ever heard that from.


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#24 Offline DuplexBeGreat

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Posted Feb 28 2017 - 12:27 AM

As for the Mata Nui-Glatorian thing, do you know where Greg revealed that? The impression I got from The Legend Reborn was that Mata Nui changed the weapons, though it may have allowed the Glatorian to access innate Elemental Powers they were previously unaware of. I don't see how Mata Nui would even have known about the Element Lords at that time-it's not like it would have been vital to his mission-so it seems like a stretch that he wouldn't tell Ackar or the others based on that. If I'm wrong I'm wrong; you're just the first source I've ever heard that from.

 

Biosector01 is consistent on it, but without any sources. I went digging in the Farshtey Feed and found this: "The elemental powers bestowed on the Glatorian were not already dormant inside of them; rather, they were generated by the Mask of Life. Their abilities are roughly equivalent to those of Toa, although they do not possess the same level of control." http://www.bzpower.c...-feed-p219-223/

 

I believe the part about them getting freaked out by their own abilities came solely from Ask Greg, though I can't find the specific post.

 

This really isn't a criticism, just something I felt like pointing out.

 

EDIT: Also, this.  "Mata Nui let the Glatorian think he was just charging up their weapons to what they once were. In truth, he was giving the Glatorian themselves elemental powers and the weapons were just the focus." http://www.bzpower.c...-feed-p211-215/

 

Edit again, because I can't help myself: "The story bible states that Mata Nui ends up empowering the Glatorian with Toa-like elemental powers, not merely charging their weapons with elemental power." http://www.bzpower.c...-feed-p208-209/

 

So it seems to me that this wasn't just some arbitrary thing that Greg decided; this was a well-established part of the story that simply didn't get communicated well.


Edited by DuplexBeGreat, Feb 28 2017 - 12:39 AM.

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#25 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Feb 28 2017 - 11:25 PM

 

As for the Mata Nui-Glatorian thing, do you know where Greg revealed that? The impression I got from The Legend Reborn was that Mata Nui changed the weapons, though it may have allowed the Glatorian to access innate Elemental Powers they were previously unaware of. I don't see how Mata Nui would even have known about the Element Lords at that time-it's not like it would have been vital to his mission-so it seems like a stretch that he wouldn't tell Ackar or the others based on that. If I'm wrong I'm wrong; you're just the first source I've ever heard that from.

 

Biosector01 is consistent on it, but without any sources. I went digging in the Farshtey Feed and found this: "The elemental powers bestowed on the Glatorian were not already dormant inside of them; rather, they were generated by the Mask of Life. Their abilities are roughly equivalent to those of Toa, although they do not possess the same level of control." http://www.bzpower.c...-feed-p219-223/

 

I believe the part about them getting freaked out by their own abilities came solely from Ask Greg, though I can't find the specific post.

 

This really isn't a criticism, just something I felt like pointing out.

 

EDIT: Also, this.  "Mata Nui let the Glatorian think he was just charging up their weapons to what they once were. In truth, he was giving the Glatorian themselves elemental powers and the weapons were just the focus." http://www.bzpower.c...-feed-p211-215/

 

Edit again, because I can't help myself: "The story bible states that Mata Nui ends up empowering the Glatorian with Toa-like elemental powers, not merely charging their weapons with elemental power." http://www.bzpower.c...-feed-p208-209/

 

So it seems to me that this wasn't just some arbitrary thing that Greg decided; this was a well-established part of the story that simply didn't get communicated well.

 

Huh, well, when you're right you're right. I might have to address that in an upcoming chapter.


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#26 Offline DuplexBeGreat

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Posted Mar 06 2017 - 01:47 AM

I just realized that the excitement I feel when I see a new chapter has been posted is just like what I felt a decade ago when Greg was writing the serials.

 

I'll be honest, though: This chapter was a lot harder to follow. I mean, when you give us sentences like, "He then joined Papu and Rangi in linking up with the other restored Toa, with Aliswa giving Rokreng Hapka's old Epolim"... I don't think I'm the only reader who has to go back and look up who all of those people are, and what the Epolim does.

 

 I still love what you're doing. This is, like, the only negative thing in the chapter. And it's sitting there with a hundred positive things.  :)

 

I'm now really looking forward to seeing what Karzahni does with the Shadowed One...


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#27 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Mar 06 2017 - 02:08 PM

I just realized that the excitement I feel when I see a new chapter has been posted is just like what I felt a decade ago when Greg was writing the serials.

 

I'll be honest, though: This chapter was a lot harder to follow. I mean, when you give us sentences like, "He then joined Papu and Rangi in linking up with the other restored Toa, with Aliswa giving Rokreng Hapka's old Epolim"... I don't think I'm the only reader who has to go back and look up who all of those people are, and what the Epolim does.

 

 I still love what you're doing. This is, like, the only negative thing in the chapter. And it's sitting there with a hundred positive things.  :)

 

I'm now really looking forward to seeing what Karzahni does with the Shadowed One...

Fair point-I did pack a lot in there. Should probably go back and space it out a bit more, or maybe create a Dramatis Personae or something so that folks can more easily identify all the new stuff I've gotten in there.


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#28 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Mar 06 2017 - 02:34 PM

 

I just realized that the excitement I feel when I see a new chapter has been posted is just like what I felt a decade ago when Greg was writing the serials.

 

I'll be honest, though: This chapter was a lot harder to follow. I mean, when you give us sentences like, "He then joined Papu and Rangi in linking up with the other restored Toa, with Aliswa giving Rokreng Hapka's old Epolim"... I don't think I'm the only reader who has to go back and look up who all of those people are, and what the Epolim does.

 

 I still love what you're doing. This is, like, the only negative thing in the chapter. And it's sitting there with a hundred positive things.  :)

 

I'm now really looking forward to seeing what Karzahni does with the Shadowed One...

Fair point-I did pack a lot in there. Should probably go back and space it out a bit more, or maybe create a Dramatis Personae or something so that folks can more easily identify all the new stuff I've gotten in there.

 

I'd be all for that! Been enjoying the story quite a bit so far, hoping for a great climax :D


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#29 Offline DuplexBeGreat

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Posted Mar 26 2017 - 04:39 AM

My god. It's a really good thing you made that concept guide. I would've been lost without it this chapter.

 

I'm still keeping a running log of the battles that happen, but since the situation has changed drastically from the showdown with the armies of the 7 Element Lords, I ended it around chapter 16/17 and have started a new section for the massive Makuta brawl, organized by your teams of 6 Toa + 1 Titan per Makuta. In the interest of clearing up ambiguities a la Ask Greg...

 

  • At the beginning, you state that Morbuzakh is fighting Gorast, and that Keetongu is fighting Chirox. Then, when the Toa arrive, Keetongu is fighting Gorast. Which is correct?
  • Which Bohrok-Kal Kaita is fighting which Makuta? Based on the order listed, I assumed that Ja was fighting Vamprah and Za was fighting Tridax, but just wanted to be sure
  • This one's more a curiosity: Is there a particular reason why Korusca already is a Toa? As opposed to, you know, the Toa of Light only arriving when they were needed by their universe to defeat a darkness. Or did Mata Nui's massive Toa-ifying of everybody and their grandmother affect Korusca as well?
  • Just pointing out that Gelu seems to have had Ice powers from the start of your fic (which honestly is the way it should be) but in canon Mata Nui apparently never felt like giving them to him lol
  • None of the Makuta have so far been killed, right? They were all imprisoned in crystalline protodermis?
  • What does "former members of Jovan's team who had not fallen previously" mean? Do you have specific ideas for which ones did/didn't become Turaga before their deaths? And are the ones that died as Toa still Toa? And what about Savage/Rokreng? Going even further, are we sure that Tarix etc are still alive?

I just about died when I read the dialogue between Perditus and Mata Nui. That you addressed the topic of Glatorian powers after my comments wasn't surprising, but it was insanely impressive that you did so in a way that still justified the specific wording you had used earlier. It shows a lot of dedication to keeping your world consistent.


Edited by DuplexBeGreat, Mar 26 2017 - 05:02 AM.

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#30 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Mar 26 2017 - 08:04 PM


  • At the beginning, you state that Morbuzakh is fighting Gorast, and that Keetongu is fighting Chirox. Then, when the Toa arrive, Keetongu is fighting Gorast. Which is correct?
  • Which Bohrok-Kal Kaita is fighting which Makuta? Based on the order listed, I assumed that Ja was fighting Vamprah and Za was fighting Tridax, but just wanted to be sure
  • This one's more a curiosity: Is there a particular reason why Korusca already is a Toa? As opposed to, you know, the Toa of Light only arriving when they were needed by their universe to defeat a darkness. Or did Mata Nui's massive Toa-ifying of everybody and their grandmother affect Korusca as well?
  • Just pointing out that Gelu seems to have had Ice powers from the start of your fic (which honestly is the way it should be) but in canon Mata Nui apparently never felt like giving them to him lol
  • None of the Makuta have so far been killed, right? They were all imprisoned in crystalline protodermis?
  • What does "former members of Jovan's team who had not fallen previously" mean? Do you have specific ideas for which ones did/didn't become Turaga before their deaths? And are the ones that died as Toa still Toa? And what about Savage/Rokreng? Going even further, are we sure that Tarix etc are still alive?

I just about died when I read the dialogue between Perditus and Mata Nui. That you addressed the topic of Glatorian powers after my comments wasn't surprising, but it was insanely impressive that you did so in a way that still justified the specific wording you had used earlier. It shows a lot of dedication to keeping your world consistent.

Wow, talk about a fail. I think in trying to juggle all these different teams and Makuta fried my brain. I originally intended for Keetongu to fight Gorast but changed my mind...and then apparently forgot that I changed it. I will edit it: Keetongu and the Hagah take on Chirox. Yeah, Ja vs. Vamprah and Za vs. Tridax; sorry I wasn't more clear with that. I'll get into the deal with Korusca next chapter-I honestly hadn't thought much of it beyond her being a female counterpart to Takanuva for the robot intended for Papa Nihu to direct and Mata Nui to take over while Makuta piloted the Great Spirit Robot. That being said, she was a Toa without Mata Nui making her a Toa...or at least that's my plan currently.

 

Wow, you're right; that is really weird that Mata Nui apparently never gave him powers. I mean, he gave it to all of the other good aligned Glatorian, and I figure Ackar would have vouched for Gelu. I guess I've just always read The Yesterday Quest dialogue as Gelu basically noting that the Toa don't need their weapons to access their powers, while thinking that he required his weapon to use his. Of course, at the time I was also under the impression that Mata Nui infused the Glatorian weapons with power, rather than upgrading them and granting the individual Glatorian power.

 

Yeah, I guess I tried packing in too much again and made it confusing; should probably go back and correct that. Basically, Jovan's team and their status prior to Mata Nui's summons are as follows:

  • Jovan-died a Turaga but was revived aboard the Red Star.
  • Aliswa-was a Turaga; don't know whether she perished and was revived or was still alive and joined the camp.
  • Hapka-died a Toa but was revived aboard the Red Star.
  • Botho-was a Turaga; don't know whether he died and was revived or was still alive.
  • Rydwin-was a Turaga; same situation as Aliswa and Botho.
  • Faber-was the Toa who died using the Ignika; only revived by Mata Nui's manipulation of Time and Life.

Rokreng was a different case; I'm not sure whether I want to consider him as having been a member of Jovan's team or if Jovan's team was a composite group like the various Hagah teams, with various teams contributing members for a vital mission to save Mata Nui. Tarix is dead; like Dume, Matoro, Oda, Iruini, Helryx, Certavus, Onewa, Faber, and Ako, Mata Nui has revived him in fashion similar to how Voporak brought back the various Makuta. Yes, all the Makuta so far have been encased in Protodermis with the exception of Krika; that'll come into play later.

 

I'm glad you liked that deal with the Glatorian Elemental Powers. I was kind of inspired by Greg's comments that Glatorian Elemental Power isn't quite the same as Toa Elemental Power-i.e. a Glatorian would be killed if they used a Nova Blast. Given that Marendar was specifically created to hunt down Toa and not Glatorian-as the Great Beings would probably not have foreseen the Glatorian getting Elemental Powers, since they rarely succeeded in foreseeing anything-I figured it wouldn't be able to sense such powers in a Glatorian.


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#31 Offline DuplexBeGreat

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Posted Mar 26 2017 - 08:18 PM

 

  • What does "former members of Jovan's team who had not fallen previously" mean? Do you have specific ideas for which ones did/didn't become Turaga before their deaths? And are the ones that died as Toa still Toa? And what about Savage/Rokreng? Going even further, are we sure that Tarix etc are still alive?

 

Rokreng was a different case; I'm not sure whether I want to consider him as having been a member of Jovan's team or if Jovan's team was a composite group like the various Hagah teams, with various teams contributing members for a vital mission to save Mata Nui. Tarix is dead; like Dume, Matoro, Oda, Iruini, Helryx, Certavus, Onewa, Faber, and Ako, Mata Nui has revived him in fashion similar to how Voporak brought back the various Makuta. Yes, all the Makuta so far have been encased in Protodermis with the exception of Krika; that'll come into play later.

 

Sorry, I guess that last question was unclear--- I know who Rokreng, Faber, etc are, and I understand what happened to Tarix (his death was one of my favorite moments from earlier in the fic), Dume, Cervatus, etc, and that they are now revived.

 

My question was--- since the Hordika and Jovan's team are now apparently reverted back to Turaga since their role in Mata Nui's fight is over, what does that mean for other beings that Mata Nui transformed? Does Rokreng become Savage again? Do Tarix and the others return to being dead? Do the Inika become Mahri again?

Mainly I'm trying to figure out if it was just the Hordika and Jovan's team that went back to their Turaga forms, or if all of Mata Nui's changes were undone once each character stopping fighting. I understand that some of these characters haven't finished fighting their Makuta yet, and that you may want to address what happens to them more carefully in the future, so don't feel obligated to answer this in too much detail.  :P


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#32 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Mar 26 2017 - 08:55 PM

You're good. Some developments will be firmly addressed in the remaining chapters, but there's a few I can clarify. Mata Nui acted to correct some transformations that were tragic-i.e., all the Dark Hunters who were transformed Matoran or Toa were changed into their proper forms, and that change will remain, as will Spinner/Mizuni's change into a Turaga and the changing of the former Phantom and Gatherer into Toa. Other transformations were just temporary-various Turaga being turned back into Toa forms, the Mahri becoming the Inika again, etc. The Inika are back to being the Mahri, with the exception of Matoro-I'll be getting to his fate later, along with other revived characters.

 

I've gone back and done some editing on the last chapter-hopefully it helps clear things up.


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#33 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Mar 27 2017 - 10:21 AM

I enjoyed the chapter, but I was thinking, reviving all the deceased beings at the end, and returning Toa statute to everyone, doesn't it seem a bit like an Ignika Ex Machina? I mean I'm all for some guys coming back from the Red Star, that were already there, but Matoro seems a bit of a stretch since if he comes back it seems to minimize his sacrifice for Mata Nui. It just seems like "lets bring everyone we know back for the final battle." It's an epic concept with so many superpowers at play here, but it seems a bit jumbled too for some reason.

 

Also, this is just the Krika lover in me, but I was really hoping he'd side with Mata Nui since he was against Teridax and the Plan, you'd give him the chance to finally redeem himself :begging:

 

But all in all it's good. I'm still on the edge of my seat wondering how it will play out. :D


Edited by Iron_Man5, Mar 27 2017 - 10:21 AM.

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#34 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Apr 29 2017 - 08:31 PM

I enjoyed the chapter, but I was thinking, reviving all the deceased beings at the end, and returning Toa statute to everyone, doesn't it seem a bit like an Ignika Ex Machina? I mean I'm all for some guys coming back from the Red Star, that were already there, but Matoro seems a bit of a stretch since if he comes back it seems to minimize his sacrifice for Mata Nui. It just seems like "lets bring everyone we know back for the final battle." It's an epic concept with so many superpowers at play here, but it seems a bit jumbled too for some reason.

 

Also, this is just the Krika lover in me, but I was really hoping he'd side with Mata Nui since he was against Teridax and the Plan, you'd give him the chance to finally redeem himself :begging:

 

But all in all it's good. I'm still on the edge of my seat wondering how it will play out. :D

More of an Ignika and Vahi Ex Machina-I mean, these masks are supposed to be absurdly powerful, but the Vahi has literally been used to slow time down twice-and not very effectively in those instances. Admittedly I got a little carried away with the idea-I had not originally planned on bringing in all those Makuta either, but once it came to me and I had done it bringing in the fallen Glatorian and Toa seemed natural. Hopefully the way I resolve everything is to your liking.


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#35 Offline DuplexBeGreat

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Posted May 19 2017 - 06:42 PM

I really enjoyed the latest chapter. Some of the fight scenes were excellent, and I liked Krika having a change of heart. I'm a bit surprised that you just got rid of all the characters you brought back to life like that, since it seemed like you were aiming to use Bingzak and some others to lay the foundation of G2. Hmm. Well, we'll see, won't we?


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#36 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted May 20 2017 - 03:00 AM

I really enjoyed the latest chapter. Some of the fight scenes were excellent, and I liked Krika having a change of heart. I'm a bit surprised that you just got rid of all the characters you brought back to life like that, since it seemed like you were aiming to use Bingzak and some others to lay the foundation of G2. Hmm. Well, we'll see, won't we?

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I could see where you might have thought that-Bingzak taking the form of G2 Makuta just after he donned the Mask of Ultimate Power but with the Mask of Control was more a happy accident than anything, but I do have some G2-related plans that will hopefully be a pleasant surprise.


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