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Review: Glitch In The System


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9 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Lady Kopaka

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Posted Dec 07 2011 - 09:41 PM

http://www.bzpower.c...-in-the-system/

 

Story is undergoing a 'light' revision for nostalgia sake. Please note this story was written in 2008, finished in 2009. It's outdated and doesn't completely retain the same writing style I currently posses. Will not do anymore changes unless you see outright grammar/spelling flaws, as I am currently turning this into a original graphic novel. This is deemed a very very rough draft of the final version.

 

Enjoy.


Edited by Lady Kopaka, Jul 29 2014 - 04:27 AM.

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#2 Offline Scanty Demon

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Posted Dec 07 2011 - 11:31 PM

Nice to see the review GiTS review topic, however you're not going to repost the epic in the new forums? Well I'll see if I can squeeze in a little reading problem is when you go to the archives it logs you out of BZP. Anyway on the sequel will the winners (and honorable mentions) from that contest you hosted before BZP went down be in it?I sorry to say the epics forum isn't as active as it used to be, but just know you'll always have one reviewer here. Nice to have you back Lady K.
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#3 Offline Lady Kopaka

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Posted Dec 08 2011 - 12:05 AM

Nice to see the review GiTS review topic, however you're not going to repost the epic in the new forums? Well I'll see if I can squeeze in a little reading problem is when you go to the archives it logs you out of BZP. Anyway on the sequel will the winners (and honorable mentions) from that contest you hosted before BZP went down be in it?I sorry to say the epics forum isn't as active as it used to be, but just know you'll always have one reviewer here. Nice to have you back Lady K.

I think I read in the rules that you cannot repost completed stories and you just link them, unless I misunderstood thatI don't particularly care for reviews, i just wanted to make sure there was a stable link for everyone who was interested in reading it

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#4 Offline Toa Deserok

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Posted Dec 28 2011 - 12:26 AM

Nice to see the review GiTS review topic, however you're not going to repost the epic in the new forums? Well I'll see if I can squeeze in a little reading problem is when you go to the archives it logs you out of BZP. Anyway on the sequel will the winners (and honorable mentions) from that contest you hosted before BZP went down be in it?I sorry to say the epics forum isn't as active as it used to be, but just know you'll always have one reviewer here. Nice to have you back Lady K.

I think I read in the rules that you cannot repost completed stories and you just link them, unless I misunderstood thatI don't particularly care for reviews, i just wanted to make sure there was a stable link for everyone who was interested in reading it

Don't worry about stable linkage... it works quite fine. I'm actually glad to see a link up... it means there is still interest alive in it. All I can say for now is I'm glad to see the chronicled adventures of Tachi and Komas. Nice to have it back, Lady Kopaka. :biggrin:It's a pity that we can't edit our works though. I'd really be interesting to see a second helping of older stories. But then again, some things are better left undisturbed, for the works are better remembered this way.

-Toa Deserok


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And also please read my epic "Disgrace Amongst the Skrall and my review topic for it (Clicky), and another short story, Reaping of Sown Sorrows. Another epic of mine, Cold Dawn, is available for reading, as well as reviewing.
Thanks!

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"Sometimes what came out was wonderful, and sometimes it wasn't, because human beings do not achieve greatness with every effort. If they did, greatness would be pedestrian."

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#5 Offline Lady Kopaka

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Posted Dec 08 2012 - 03:06 AM

Well lookie here guys, I'm beating this old horse again.

 

Enjoy.


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#6 Offline Peach 00

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Posted Feb 04 2013 - 11:34 AM

[color=rgb(105,105,105);][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]So, I'll be honest, LK, I've never given you a proper review of this. I've always said how much this inspired me to write, how much I loved the story and characters, et cetera, but I've never properly been able to describe how much I enjoyed it.[/color][/font]

 

[color=rgb(105,105,105);][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]The first chapter captures the reader and guides them into a world of mystery - Tachi's world. She is cold, sometimes referred to as heartless, but you can respect her privacy and her bitter outlook. You don't know much about her past, but you know that, what ever occurred, it's effect on her fueled her taste for revenge. This character is new and fresh, and although now is slightly an over used personality (I can admit to using a very similar character type in my epic), is nonetheless intriguing and mysterious.[/color][/font]

 

[color=rgb(105,105,105);][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]But then, just when you think Tachi is a interesting case study, you are introduced to a dashing, charismatic Toa with a flirtatious attitude towards Tachi. The reader can, in a way, understand Komas's attraction to her, but after awhile, you have to ask, "Komas, why are you wasting your time?" But let's face it, we all imagine them as a loving couple - Tachi inadvertantly hitting Komas over the head with her buster sword every once and awhile, but, yes, a loving couple.[/color][/font]

 

[color=rgb(105,105,105);][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]We discover Tachi's objective was to find what was stolen from her: Memories. She wants to know her past...she wants to know herself. This interesting discovery keeps us wanting more - we want to know more about Tachi, and who has indeed stolen her memories. What plagues us more is why this person stole her memories.[/color][/font]

 

[color=rgb(105,105,105);][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]Lady Kopaka, here you have created an intriguing tale of suspense and corruption, two Toa entangled in a web of deceit. Tachi yearns to find the truth, while Komas is her charming opposite. How does the saying go? "Opposites attract?" Perhaps we can see some romance in the future for these two.[/color][/font]

 

[color=rgb(105,105,105);][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]To be honest, Komas is what she needs at the moment. He's the perfect cross between the best three Bond actors (Sean Connery, Daniel Craig, and Roger Moore), with steampunk goggles and gorgeous blue eyes. What could be better? What is Tachi not seeing in this guy that the rest of us are? Maybe betrayal? Just the prospect of them possibly being together adds for a good subplot, unlike some other stories with romance that makes a story drag. Their playful banter adds a great deal to the story, indeed.[/color][/font]

 

[color=rgb(105,105,105);][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]But let me stop going on about the romantic aspect of this story. The villain portrayed here is your typical antagonist, but here, there is something unique about this dark Makuta that makes him different from the rest, if not slightly loveable. Some antagonists you have to love - this one you don't have to love, but you do it anyway.[/color][/font]

 

[color=rgb(105,105,105);][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]Due to poor memory (I read this when it was about midway through the story, sometime in 2009, so you'll have to forgive me if I don't remember it all), I can't really go on. I can barely remember names, although I can say that one of my favorite characters was Niihlus (tell me that's how it's spelled, I can't recall), the Toa sporting the vest. It's an interesting trait for a BIONICLE character to have, and somehow you pull it off. Without it, the character would not be the same.[/color][/font]

 

[color=rgb(105,105,105);][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]What you have done here is give us a remarkable cast of endearing characters, and suspenseful plot with humorous comments and a love-hate relationship between the two main characters. Your superb writing talent, even four years old, still shines like it did when it first posted. There are some very minor errors, but nothing more than that. Now let me get to what is most important for me to say here.[/color][/font]

 

[color=rgb(105,105,105);][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]Lady K, I've always said previously that this story inspired me to write at an early age. I was eight when I started reading this story, and, surprisingly, I understood every word of it. I appreciated it. I moreso appreciated writing itself and the effort takes to successfully write a story. I'm not a very good writer, despite rumors saying opposite, but even a writer like me, bad or good, I don't care, can easily see the difficulty. I've written at least ten short stories, and I'm marching on to the third in a trilogy of epics.[/color][/font]

 

[color=rgb(105,105,105);][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]Who can I thank for this? You. You inspired me to write, you made me appreciate writing, and helped me, though not directly, to improve my writing. I have no doubt I can ask some writers who first started reading your story when they were just beginning, and they will probably say that you were on of their role models or one of their greatest inspirations.[/color][/font]

 

[color=rgb(105,105,105);][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]I can never repay you completely in trade for what you did for me, but this is the best I can do. Thanks for the most enjoyable reading experience, and for helping me to properly appreciate writing. I wish you the best of luck in writing your graphic novel, Lady K.[/color][/font]


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On the day the wall came down / They threw the locks onto the ground
And with glasses high / We raised a cry / For freedom had arrived
 
On the day the wall came down / The ship of fools had finally run aground
Promises lit up the night / Like paper doves in flight
 
I dreamed you had left my side / No warmth, not even pride remained
And even though you needed me / It was clear that I could not do a thing for you
 
Now life devalues day by day / As friends and neighbors turn away
And there's a change that even with regret / Cannot be undone
 
Now frontiers shift like desert sands / While nations wash their bloodied hands
Of loyalty, of history / In shades of grey
 
I woke to the sound of drums / The music played, the morning sun streamed in
I turned and I looked at you / And all but the bitter residues slipped away
 
slipped away...
 




#7 Offline Lady Kopaka

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Posted Aug 07 2013 - 09:53 PM

Updated to add section 3.02


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#8 Offline Stroxx

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Posted Aug 10 2013 - 03:32 PM

Oh, all the nostalgy. I come back and find one of my favourite epic back. It's so good. I really enjoyed it back in the old days when you posted it for the first time. 8D


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Onto the first chapter! And why yes! This is a COMIC! \(°u°)/

Gallery & conceptart topic - Older pics: Helryx's Fury | Makuta Sethuldur | Order's Call (no necro k? C8) Current: ..


#9 Offline Torran

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Posted Aug 21 2013 - 06:52 PM

Glad to see this still happening. I remember reading this epic and being very intrigued. <3 Niihlus


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#10 Offline Lady Kopaka

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Posted Jul 29 2014 - 04:24 AM

Finally added a updated version of chapter 4.


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