Amazing poem. I've tried something similar but have not gotten the beauty and eloquence you captured in these stanzas. Never stop writing
Thank you, I'll try not t
An excellent piece indeed. I think the second stanza-and maybe the fifth-could be applied to Norik as well.
You're right that it definitely could, although it wasn't intentional. It really just depends on the opinions of the characteristics of the character.
This is some excellent writing. If I may, I'll offer a suggestion - to try to keep a more consistent rhythm within each stanza. For instance,
"But this is not all that is brought by the flames.
So despite the sayings and despite the claims,
Fire can be of virtue, protective and sane.
Though even the brightest fall victim to rain"
The first line has a kind of "in three" feel/rhythm. First stress on "this," second on "all," etc. The second line breaks this a bit, so I'd recommend adding something to keep the same stress pattern (bold would be stress):
"So despite all the sayings and
despite all of the claims"
Like that, I think. Same for the third line (the fourth reads well). It helps to read it aloud sometimes. This may be nitpicking a gorgeous set of stanzas, but I did find myself stumbling in places when reading.
Otherwise, good work as always.
Oh, some advice.
I'll admit that when I was writing this poem, I wasn't focusing on the rhythm at all. My main focus was maintaining the same amount of syllables per stanza.
I can see what you mean by keeping it consistent in that format, especially with the edit you provided. It definitely works well and possibly better than what I had come up with, but the way I was reading it aloud is rather different it seems than the traditional way of doing it.
So in the line you provided (the second line), the emphasis I put on it (as I was saying it aloud) is like so: "So despite the saying and despite the claims," where the emphasis is on the entire word of despite as it is used twice in the line. The line is meant to be more rapidly read.
The way I envisioned it when I was writing it was that the second stanza was meant to start off quicker than the first and end on a somber note. The way how I had wrote it is in a manner similar to this.
Second Stanza Line Explanation:
- Brings Notice to the idea that the topic isn't nearly as simple.
- Tries to quickly transition to the explanation
- This is the explanation of the complexity of the subject.
- This ends on a somber note.
You're absolutely correct though, that possibly in the traditional way of reading the poem, there are some stumbling blocks within the poem that may trip up the reader. I may not be the best person to identify those though, as I wrote it in a way that differs from traditional and I may read aloud the poem differently, as I emphasize certain words to get more feeling or emotion throughout the poem. I'll see if I can properly analyze any future poems I may write so that the rhythm stays consistent during the poem.
Thanks for the analysis, I appreciate it! Also, rhythm is a very annoying word to spell; I should use it more in hangman.
Thanks for the feedback everyone,