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The Tale of Fire (Poem)

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11 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Soran

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Posted May 08 2016 - 11:10 PM

The Tale of Fire
By Soran
 
"Burdened with power, bringer of ill,
Fueled by hate and destruction of will.
Crackling high, burning desire,
This is the core of that which is fire."
 
"But this is not all that is brought by the flames.
So despite the sayings and despite the claims,
Fire can be of virtue, protective and sane.
Though even the brightest fall victim to rain."
 
“But even in storms the flames are alive,
As cinders and embers fight to survive.
Biding time and igniting at the touch,
In the end, for fire, nothing is too much.”
 
“For fire is everywhere, bringing life to us all,
But just as a flame brings life, a death may befall.
In sacrifice or confusion, fire will strive on,
To continue to survive; to see that new dawn.”
 
“So be like an ember, be like a flame.
The world is full of life and fire's the same.
Burst into glory; leave doubt at the door.
So strive to be fire or be something more.” 
 
--------------
Author s notes

Stanza Breakdown

 
Comments and critiques are appreciated,
 
~Soran

Edited by Black Six, May 24 2016 - 09:58 PM.

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#2 Offline Click

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Posted May 09 2016 - 07:35 AM

Beautiful. Simply beautiful. It's a great depiction of the Toa of FIre we all know so well. And the line by line breakdown, showing just how much thought went into each and every word, only makes it all the better.


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#3 Offline VonTurnip

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Posted May 17 2016 - 08:35 AM

This is... great. I absolutely adore the attention to detail and the complexity of each of the stanzas, yet they are such simplistic encapsulations of these memorable hotheads. 


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#4 Offline FrozenPancake_

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Posted May 18 2016 - 05:57 PM

*sniff* That. Was. Beautiful.

 

I find this poem very symbolic and philosophical, and I can tell that a lot of thought went in to it. Well done, Soran.


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#5 Offline The Hero Nuva Kaita Nui

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Posted May 24 2016 - 10:14 PM

That is amazing. I'm left speechless.

 

Is it too much to hope there will be more elemental poetry?


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#6 Offline Toa Imrukii

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Posted May 25 2016 - 12:21 AM

This was great. Now add me! (jk)

Nah but seriously this is a true piece of poetic art right here, and I am very impressed by it.

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#7 Offline Soran

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Posted May 25 2016 - 07:44 AM

Hey, apparently this got featured. Neat.

 

Beautiful. Simply beautiful. It's a great depiction of the Toa of FIre we all know so well. And the line by line breakdown, showing just how much thought went into each and every word, only makes it all the better.

 

Thank you. I figured that most poems allude to certain concepts that might not seem obvious to the reader, with this poem being a prime case of that. Thus I felt it would be appropriate to give the line-by-line breakdown of the poem, in case people were confused as to why it was posted in a BIONICLE forum.

 

This is... great. I absolutely adore the attention to detail and the complexity of each of the stanzas, yet they are such simplistic encapsulations of these memorable hotheads. 

 

Thanks, I tried to fit as many references as I could while still maintaining a coherent idea. Seems I did well at it.

 

*sniff* That. Was. Beautiful.

 

I find this poem very symbolic and philosophical, and I can tell that a lot of thought went in to it. Well done, Soran.

 

Thank you very much. I had the idea of making a poem about fire for a while now, but I hadn't really given too much thought into how I would make it. This poem took about… 3-5 hours I believe. Something like that. 

 

That is amazing. I'm left speechless.

 

Is it too much to hope there will be more elemental poetry?

 

Thanks. If there's a desire for more poems related to the different elements I could make more. I would just need to figure out situations of how certain element's characters can fit with the overall theme of the element in question. It was much easier to do this with fire since the Toa of Fire were often the leaders of the story.

 

This was great. Now add me! (jk)

Nah but seriously this is a true piece of poetic art right here, and I am very impressed by it.

 

I'll try to next time. Thank you.

 

 

Thanks for the feedback everyone and thanks for the feature,

 

~Soran


Edited by Soran, May 25 2016 - 07:47 AM.

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#8 Offline MrSciFiGuy

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Posted May 25 2016 - 07:08 PM

Amazing poem. I've tried something similar but have not gotten the beauty and eloquence you captured in these stanzas. Never stop writing


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#9 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted May 26 2016 - 09:58 PM

An excellent piece indeed. I think the second stanza-and maybe the fifth-could be applied to Norik as well.


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#10 Offline Kagome

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Posted May 28 2016 - 04:43 PM

This is some excellent writing. If I may, I'll offer a suggestion - to try to keep a more consistent rhythm within each stanza. For instance,

 

"But this is not all that is brought by the flames.
So despite the sayings and despite the claims,
Fire can be of virtue, protective and sane.
Though even the brightest fall victim to rain
"

 

The first line has a kind of "in three" feel/rhythm. First stress on "this," second on "all," etc. The second line breaks this a bit, so I'd recommend adding something to keep the same stress pattern (bold would be stress):

 

"So despite all the sayings and despite all of the claims"

 

Like that, I think. Same for the third line (the fourth reads well). It helps to read it aloud sometimes. This may be nitpicking a gorgeous set of stanzas, but I did find myself stumbling in places when reading.

 

Otherwise, good work as always.


Edited by -Windrider-, May 28 2016 - 04:47 PM.

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#11 Offline Soran

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Posted May 28 2016 - 06:35 PM

Amazing poem. I've tried something similar but have not gotten the beauty and eloquence you captured in these stanzas. Never stop writing

 

Thank you, I'll try not t

 

An excellent piece indeed. I think the second stanza-and maybe the fifth-could be applied to Norik as well.

 

You're right that it definitely could, although it wasn't intentional. It really just depends on the opinions of the characteristics of the character.

 

This is some excellent writing. If I may, I'll offer a suggestion - to try to keep a more consistent rhythm within each stanza. For instance,

 

"But this is not all that is brought by the flames.
So despite the sayings and despite the claims,
Fire can be of virtue, protective and sane.
Though even the brightest fall victim to rain
"

 

The first line has a kind of "in three" feel/rhythm. First stress on "this," second on "all," etc. The second line breaks this a bit, so I'd recommend adding something to keep the same stress pattern (bold would be stress):

 

"So despite all the sayings and despite all of the claims"

 

Like that, I think. Same for the third line (the fourth reads well). It helps to read it aloud sometimes. This may be nitpicking a gorgeous set of stanzas, but I did find myself stumbling in places when reading.

 

Otherwise, good work as always.

 

Oh, some advice. 

 

I'll admit that when I was writing this poem, I wasn't focusing on the rhythm at all. My main focus was maintaining the same amount of syllables per stanza. 

 

I can see what you mean by keeping it consistent in that format, especially with the edit you provided. It definitely works well and possibly better than what I had come up with, but the way I was reading it aloud is rather different it seems than the traditional way of doing it. 

 

So in the line you provided (the second line), the emphasis I put on it (as I was saying it aloud) is like so: "So despite the saying and despite the claims," where the emphasis is on the entire word of despite as it is used twice in the line. The line is meant to be more rapidly read.

 

The way I envisioned it when I was writing it was that the second stanza was meant to start off quicker than the first and end on a somber note. The way how I had wrote it is in a manner similar to this.

 

Second Stanza Line Explanation:

  1. Brings Notice to the idea that the topic isn't nearly as simple. 
  2. Tries to quickly transition to the explanation
  3. This is the explanation of the complexity of the subject.
  4. This ends on a somber note.

 

You're absolutely correct though, that possibly in the traditional way of reading the poem, there are some stumbling blocks within the poem that may trip up the reader. I may not be the best person to identify those though, as I wrote it in a way that differs from traditional and I may read aloud the poem differently, as I emphasize certain words to get more feeling or emotion throughout the poem. I'll see if I can properly analyze any future poems I may write so that the rhythm stays consistent during the poem. 

 

Thanks for the analysis, I appreciate it! Also, rhythm is a very annoying word to spell; I should use it more in hangman. 

 

 

Thanks for the feedback everyone,

 

~Soran


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#12 Offline Kagome

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Posted May 28 2016 - 09:45 PM

Rhythm is totally annoying to spell. Also, I should have given the disclaimer that it's totally okay to mess around with rhythm and make your readers stumble if you'd like. In many cases how the poem is read can affect its interpretation and reading. You can have two stressed syllables close together in order to give emphasis or to deliberately make your reader slow down.

 

I highlighted the second line because I got tripped up on "saying and despite" after having read the first line's smooth flow. But hey, such a thing can be powerful. Don't let my being a music nerd/French lit grad student get in your way!


Edited by -Windrider-, May 28 2016 - 09:46 PM.

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