Bonkle Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Here's the review topic for Voyage. NOW TREMBLE AS I CONSUME YOUR FEEDBACK 1 Quote I been away a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The 1st Shadow Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Nice to see the new story up so soon! Looks like you're off to a decent start, and so I'll definitely be checking back for more. I did have one issue, though, and it was this: His mind flooded with thoughts. He couldn't think."Flooded with thoughts" implies that he is thinking, and then you turn back around and say he couldn't think. It's contradictory. You might say that "he couldn't think straight," to show that while he is thinking, he's not completely coherent. Aside from that one little flub, it all seemed pretty solid. Quote ~Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow ~Credit for Avatar and Banner goes to NickonAquaMagna~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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