Lord Kini Hawkeye Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 (edited) *Brushes off Snow*Ah, well, if it isn't a Kini with a story.Now it's been a while since i wrote the first chapter here so bear with me. I don't really intend to go back and change stuff too much but the writing quality should increase as more chapters are added. If you notice anything out of line with the content of an earlier chapter (i've already had to change some things in that respect) please tell me, as this is a work started in April of last year and not looked at again until literally a week ago.Table of ContentsChapter OneChapter TwoCharactersIntroduced characters will have a slight Bio posted here when I get around to it. If a character is introduced and does not appear with a profile, that will most likely mean that the character does not have an important role in the story asides the chapter(s) he or she appears in.Main CharactersSkieros (Coming soon)Known WorldRandom information will be stowed here if i deem it necessary to gain the full experience, or if enough reader interest is given.AcknowledgementsAkaku:Master of Flight: For himself and AquaRemember people, reviews are welcome =)Oh, and please note. There are references to real world events/memes/generalizations and a great many inside jokes. So please take them with some good humor - especially if you recognise them. Edited December 18, 2011 by Lord Kini Hawkeye Quote I've been searchin' for the daughter of the Devil Himself,I've been searchin' for an Angel in White,I've been lookin for a woman who's a little of both,and I can sense her but she's nowhere in sight,Cause I can't find a banner ;_; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eljay: Toa of Mangosteen Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 A very nice epic you have here, Kini! Reading the first chapter was a joy, and I immediately noticed the references to RvB and Canada Loved the characterization of Skieros. I'm eager to get into his head a little more and find out more about his past. Love the pacing so far, and I eagerly await the next chapter Quote ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Three Virtues | Eljay: The Becoming | BioCraft: Chronicles Go give a read to an amazing epic, Seven Lives... Two Faces, written by Kini Hawkeye! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~kh Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I have to admit: when I first saw "Ceneta", the first thing I thought of was "Canada". =PI haven't really read an epic in this forum recently, but that chapter made me see what I was missing out on. I loved the way you described the elemental powers as well as how Skieros used them (too lazy to put the accent on the o, dangit). And of course, the "of all time" line was a good herald back to Agent Wash.I like the medieval theme you've given it as well. Its a nice mix, balancing the science-fiction of biomechanical beings with the snow and inns and drunken villagers of fantasy lore. Honestly, it reminded me a bit of Skyrim the way you described it. That balance was something BIONICLE used to have that it has pretty much forgotten nowadays.Anyhow, the setup seems quite good, and I'm looking forward to see where you take it. I'll be checking back momentarily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rarity Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I thought it was pretty good.The dialogue was kinda odd, but I'm not sure why.Skerry seems like a j word though. :PGood epic. Quote >Not reading the first greentext story on BZP >2013 Be a cool kid and vote for mighty morphin' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zahaki Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Great start to a Epic if I've ever seen one.As the others said, I do see the reference of Ceneta with Canada.The Dialog reminds me of Oblivion, or even Skyrim conversations, that could be just me.Nice sneak in with the ‘eh’ to I might add xp--All in all, Great first Chapter. I can’t wait to read more! Quote Art:Antique Bionicle Cards:Comics:The Guardians of Gevra-Nui:The Legends of Taladi-Nui:Terrible Comics:Signature Under-construction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Kini Hawkeye Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 A very nice epic you have here, Kini! Reading the first chapter was a joy, and I immediately noticed the references to RvB and Canada Loved the characterization of Skieros. I'm eager to get into his head a little more and find out more about his past. Love the pacing so far, and I eagerly await the next chapter Danke, Eljay. Next chappy should be up... in minutes . Thanks for enjoying it though, as i said it's a really old chapter, xD.I have to admit: when I first saw "Ceneta", the first thing I thought of was "Canada". =PI haven't really read an epic in this forum recently, but that chapter made me see what I was missing out on. I loved the way you described the elemental powers as well as how Skieros used them (too lazy to put the accent on the o, dangit). And of course, the "of all time" line was a good herald back to Agent Wash.I like the medieval theme you've given it as well. Its a nice mix, balancing the science-fiction of biomechanical beings with the snow and inns and drunken villagers of fantasy lore. Honestly, it reminded me a bit of Skyrim the way you described it. That balance was something BIONICLE used to have that it has pretty much forgotten nowadays.Anyhow, the setup seems quite good, and I'm looking forward to see where you take it. I'll be checking back momentarily.Thanks, means a lot to hear that I've showed you a bit of what you're missing out on, lol. And don't worry, i'm too lazy to put the Accent out on anything but Chapters =PPart of the theme is due to my undying love for the MNOG, and the way that everything worked. For example, i like to return to the usual Fantasy when i write Bionicle stories, and so the Elemental Powers are described as being similar to "Magic" abilities. The only thing I won't do is make the characters say something for their powers to work :PAnd looking back, it is similar to Skyrim in a lot of ways. However I will say that I don't even remember Skyrim being announced at the time I wrote this originally, so and similarities are purely coincidental. =PI thought it was pretty good.The dialogue was kinda odd, but I'm not sure why.Skerry seems like a j word though. :PGood epic.Dialogue would've ben kidna odd because, as stated, it's an older chapter (like, a good 6-8 months old) so yeah.Skieros is a word in another language, but i'm not going to say. Also No you.DankeGreat start to a Epic if I've ever seen one.As the others said, I do see the reference of Ceneta with Canada.The Dialog reminds me of Oblivion, or even Skyrim conversations, that could be just me.Nice sneak in with the ‘eh’ to I might add xp--All in all, Great first Chapter. I can’t wait to read more!I suppose the Dialogue, especially with the guard, was supposed to simulate that (I really don't want to be here but it's a good job so why am I talking to you) feel that the Oblivion and even Skyrim Guards/People had :POh yeah Eh? 'Course i'll throw in Eh, Eh?Lol, thanks ZahakiNew Chapter should be up in a few minutes. Quote I've been searchin' for the daughter of the Devil Himself,I've been searchin' for an Angel in White,I've been lookin for a woman who's a little of both,and I can sense her but she's nowhere in sight,Cause I can't find a banner ;_; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eljay: Toa of Mangosteen Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Filler or no filler, the next chapter was quite nice! The end was pretty nerve rackin' with those riders on the mountain. I'm foreseeing a pretty awesome fight. They sorta reminded me of Bone Hunters. Only thing I noticed was here` The newcomer, a blue armourIt switched to a new paragraph, and had a little thingymerbob up there, not to mention armor was misspelled =P But either way, a wonderful chapter regardless! Quote ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Three Virtues | Eljay: The Becoming | BioCraft: Chronicles Go give a read to an amazing epic, Seven Lives... Two Faces, written by Kini Hawkeye! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Kini Hawkeye Posted December 26, 2011 Author Share Posted December 26, 2011 Noted, and fixed.Danke LJ Quote I've been searchin' for the daughter of the Devil Himself,I've been searchin' for an Angel in White,I've been lookin for a woman who's a little of both,and I can sense her but she's nowhere in sight,Cause I can't find a banner ;_; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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