Chapter 1- Prologue: The Legend Begins (Part 1)
(On a sunny, tropical island, in the middle of a sparkling sea, is a man lying on a beach chair. He is wearing nothing but a bathing suit, sunglasses, an ascot, and a beret; next to him are a discarded pair of jodhpurs, a vest, riding boots, and a megaphone. He takes a sip from a coconut with a tiny pink umbrella poking out of it. A noise just beyond the palm trees catches his attention. He puts a hand to his brow to examine the source of the noise.)
Director: What on Earth...?
(A helicopter flies over the island and a bald man in a white suit slides down a rope ladder, landing next to the Director. The man flicks the Director a business card that reads: President Lego.)
Director: Hey pal, this is private property --
President Lego: No time for that! The people need the Director!
Director: Don't call me that. I'm not a director anymore. I haven't directed a movie since 2009.
President Lego: So what do I call you, then? Just "The"?
Director: I... look, what do you want?
President Lego: Well, The, we need your help. You see, we're making this Bionicle Netflix series and --
Director: Stop right there, I've already got the inside scoop. Your little Bionicle revival isn't even going to make it to two years. Why should I even waste my time with this sort of thing?
President Lego: *grabs the Director by the ascot and pulls him up to his face* BECAUSE IT'S TIME WORTH WASTING! Real life is scary and boring! We can give people the chance to imagine something better! A world where good triumphs over evil, where the strong protect the weak, and where you can do anything you want if you try hard enough! Yeah, we aren't making any more Bionicle after this for a long time, but Bionicle will always be alive as long as there are fans who remember it! Do you think people gave up when they stopped making Avatar or Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings or decent Star Wars movies or any other fantasy series that's over now? A story only dies when people stop telling it. If this reboot taught us anything, it's that Bionicle isn't dead forever. It will be back someday, and we can live the legend all over again. Until then, why not have some fun with it?
President Lego: Look, The, the point is, we can give the fans one last adventure in the world of magic rainbow robots. Isn't that worth it, no matter the cost?
(The Director stares off into the distance as images of his interactions with the brain-dead cast members of the previous films flash before his eyes.)
Director: Alright, I'll do it. On one condition.
(Meanwhile, at Harvard University...)
Dr. Takua, PhD: Now class, I've got a special guest today. Associate Professor Vakama has come today to talk about the benefits of apple pie compared to --
Vakama: Hold up, is that an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile heading right for us? Gandhi! Why? I thought we were friends!!!
(Back on the island...)
Director: Great, now that they're dead forever, let's make a movie -- erm... Netflix Original Series!
President Lego: Where did you get a nuke??????
Director: Places, people! Quiet on the set! Lights, camera --
President Lego: All those innocent people! You just --
Director: Aaaaaaaaaand ACTION!
(Six comets fly through space towards the island of Okoto.)
Okoto: Gandhi! Why? I thought we were friends!
Narrator: In a distant world's time of need, an ancient prophecy summoned the Toa. Six legendary heroes, each powered by the energy of the island's elephants.
(As the Narrator introduces each Toa, they appear on screen.)
Narrator: Tahu, Toa of Wire. Kopaka, Toa of Mice. Pohatu, Toa of Phone. Gali, Toa of Slaughter. Onua, Toa of Birthday. Lewa, Toa of the Jungle.
Director: Stop, stop. What are you doing? None of those are right!
Lewa: Well, actually in this continuity --
Director: Shut up, yours is the most wrong! What kind of Toa powers are those anyway?
Onua: *with a mouthful of cake* I don't know, man. These powers are pretty great.
Kopaka: Speak for yourself! I just tried to make a bridge using my powers... that did not go well...
Kopaka: Uh... I've gotta go!
(In the City of the Mask Makers, Narmoto and a group of young Okotans gather around a campfire.)
Narmoto: Much has happened, I know. After so many thousands of years, your families have returned to rebuild the Mask Makers' City.
Jungle Okotan: Wait, isn't it "the City of the Mask Makers"?
Narmoto: Are you a Protector? Do you have a magic Gatling gun mounted on your shoulder? I didn't think so. I'll call it whatever I darn well please. You know, just because of that, I'm renaming this place the City of Jungletribesucks! You got any more smart remarks?!
Jungle Okotan: No, sir...
Narmoto: Now where was I? Oh yeah. It must seem strange. You have only known the Region of the Jungle. And you, the regions of Stone and Ice and Water.
Jungle Okotan: Actually, it's just called "the Region of Jungle".
Narmoto: Well now it's called the Region of Losers!
Narmoto: But we are Okotans, and once this was the centre of our world. And now we have returned.
Earth Okotan: What are you talking about? Surely Capital City would've been the centre of the world.
Narmoto: WELL THE CENTRE OF THE WORLD SURE WASN'T THE REGION OF EARTH, I MEAN THE REGION OF BUTTS.
Jungle Okotan: Region of Butts.
Earth Okotan: Shut up, Loser Tribe.
Narmoto: I'm sure you have questions, but wait. First let me tell you how we came to return to our city. And give you a taste of what may lay ahead.
Fire Okotan: I think you mean, "what may lie ahead". Easy mistake to make, they're very similar verbs. You see "to lie" can refer to --
Narmoto: GUESS WHO'S LIVING IN THE REGION OF IDIOTS NOW?!
Jungle Okotan: Uh... you?
Narmoto: Wait, what? DANG IT!
Director: Hold up, we can say "idiots" now? I am so glad I came back to do this. Now shut up, you idiots, and let the man tell his story.
Narmoto: Ha, Simon didn't say! I am so good at this game!
Ice Okotan: You know, we could just leave.
Narmoto: Okay, fine. I'll tell the story. Sheesh. Once, this was a beautiful city. And I like to think it will be again. But that will depend on more than your parents.
Stone Okotan: Will it depend on sufficient tax revenue to fund extensive public works and infrastructure upkeep programs?
Narmoto: Um... sure. It will also depend on six heroes from another time and place!
Water Okotan: The Avengers?
Jungle Okotan: The students in Harry Potter's rescue mission to save Sirius Black from the Ministry?
Narmoto: No, stop. This isn't a guessing game.
Earth Okotan: Team Avatar, including Zuko and Suki?
Narmoto: No, it --
Stone Okotan: Twilight Sparkle and her friends?
Narmoto: Look, you --
Ice Okotan: The Toa Metru?
Narmoto: NO! JUST THE REGULAR TOA!!! And it will depend on if they can harness the elephants that give our planet life. You know them from the regions where you live. Fire, Water, Jungle, Earth, Stone, and Ice.
Water Okotan: You forgot Light, Shadow, Psionics, Plasma, Gravity --
Narmoto: Get out.
Narmoto: For you, they are just corners of our island, but to the Toa, they are lifeblood.
Ice Okotan: Hold on, blood is canon now? I'm offended by this. Also if we have parents, where do baby Okotans come from? I'm expecting to be offended by this too.
Narmoto: I'm ignoring you. But before there was trouble, there was peace. And maybe that's where we should begin. More than a thousand years ago --
Stone Okotan: So like 1001 years ago?
Narmoto: I'm ignoring all of you now. More than a thousand years ago, this was a peaceful and vibrant place. Our island's two protectors, Ekimu and his brother, Makuta, harnessed the power of the elephants and forged them into masks.
Water Okotan: Weren't there multiple Protectors during this time? I think it's a bit misleading to --
Narmoto: Oh hey, how's life in the Dung Tribe?
Ice Okotan: I thought you were ignoring us?
Narmoto: Shut up, Ugly Tribe!
Ice Okotan: And now I'm offended again.
Narmoto: But Makuta grew jealous of his brother and hungry for the power. So --
Fire Okotan: SO HE CAST A SPELL ON MATA NUI WHO FELL INTO A DEEP SLUMBER!
Narmoto: No. Not that. So unbeknownst to his brother, Ekimu, the jealous Makuta broke a sacred law, and jaywalked... to his mask forge where he created a mask that combined the power of all the elephants. He called it the Mask of Ultimate Power.
Makuta: And yet, it's still not as dumb as the Mask of Possibilities.
Narmoto: But as the power of the mask surged through Makuta, he became dark and evil. Knowing he had to act quickly, Ekimu took the sacred hammer and knocked the mask from the face of his brother.
(As Narmoto narrates, these events appear on screen.)
Ekimu: STOP, MAKUTA!
Makuta: What? Oh no, please don't say it.
Ekimu: HAMMER TIME!
Makuta: Stupid 90s kids...
Narmoto: Ekimu saved Okoto, but the cost was great. Like at least ten whole dollars! Both Ekimu and Makuta were plunged into endless sleep.
(The Ancient Protectors are closing Ekimu away in his tomb.)
Ekimu: Wait, didn't you hear the narration? I'm asleep, not dead! I'm gonna need food! And air! Wait, why are there no air holes in this! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!?!?!?
Mamuk: Aw, he looks so peaceful. I wonder what he's dreaming about?
Ekimu: I'M GOING TO KILL YOUR DESCENDANTS!!!!!
Narmoto: Our ancestors lay Ekimu to rest --
Fire Okotan: See, that's how you use the verb correctly.
Narmoto: Stop. The masks, too powerful to be trusted to mortals, were hidden away forever... in the world's most obvious temples. And after Ekimu was sealed into a secret tomb -- once again, put in like the most conspicuous location on the island -- the City of Jungletribesucks was abandoned. Although Makuta lay buried deep beneath our island, his spirit remained powerful. He summoned dark forces to find his Mask and awaken him.
Stone Okotan: All while he was asleep? That's... that's not how sleep works. Are you just making this up?
Merlin P. Mann: Aha, but, it's a magical sleep, you see.
Stone Okotan: Oh really? And what do you know about magic?
Merlin P. Mann: Well...
Narmoto: If Makuta's minions managed to awaken him, our island would be plunged into darkness. So we, the Protectors, gathered and performed an ancient rite.
(In the Temple of Time...)
Kivoda: This isn't working.
Korgot: Obviously not. You can't summon a whole bunch of Toa in one turn. That's against the rules!
Izotor: What if we travelled across the island, fighting Rahi and collecting Toa Stones --
Kivoda: Look, let's just order them off of the Lego Store like everybody else. We'll probably even get free shipping.
Narmoto: Their legend was carved into the walls of our temples, and their names were kept alive in our rituals. These were the Toa. And it would be up to them to save Okoto.
Director: Okay, seriously, why was everyone talking about elephants earlier?
Okay, I think we'll wrap things up there. I've done the math and in the previous movies, a chapter would run about 4-6 minutes. This so far is about 5 minutes in, so I think that's a pretty good place to stop. Basically, I'll try to post a new chapter every week or so, breaking down the episodes into 2-3 parts each depending on how things flow.
The Newest MoL Spoof
The First LoMN Spoof
The Greatest WoS Spoof
The Awesomest TLR Spoof
Edited by SPIRIT, Aug 09 2016 - 02:43 AM.