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Review - Raiders of the Forsaken Archives


RisingSoul

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This is the review topic for my novella, Raiders of the Forsaken Archives. I wrote it as a practice book, to get some experience before writing for publication.

 
Raiders was written to set up for a sequel. I’m not sure yet if I will write it, so let me know if you would be interested.
 
I’m trying to improve my writing skills, so constructive criticism is welcome. This book is finished, so I won’t take suggestions for it. But I will consider ideas for the sequel.
 
Things I know I did wrong:
Switched to omniscient view in chapter 3.
Doubled the number of characters at the 3/4 mark.
Had way too many characters for the length of the book. Some of them have little personality, and not much time on the scene.
One of the viewpoint characters has no payoff.
Kept a few gimmick lines.
Some fourth wall-bending references and metaphors.

Check out my BZPower epic, Raiders of the Forsaken Archives, and my blog, A Scientist's Fiction.

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I'm liking what you've got up so far-lovely Lord of the Rings reference for the Chronicler introduction.

Voicing your opinions with tact is the best way to keep a discussion from becoming an argument.
So far as I'm aware, it's pronounced like this: We're ee ah moo.
 

Check out my Creations:

Epics

G1 Battle for Spherus Magna - G2 A Lingering Shadow


Short Stories

G1 Fallen Guardian - G2 Shadows of Past and Future (The Legend Continues Entry) Head of Stone, Heart of Jungle


MOCs

Mask Hoarder, Desert Scourge

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Thanks! The first draft was full of references, but I cut them all in the revision because they broke the immersion. The Chronicler bit was nearly a word-for-word transcript of Sam and Gandalf—I went so far as to invent a Mask of Transmutation for Vama so he could threaten to "turn her into something unnatural." As you saw, I didn't cut the whole bit, but I changed it enough so that it would work naturally in-universe and not seem like too much of a coincidence.

Check out my BZPower epic, Raiders of the Forsaken Archives, and my blog, A Scientist's Fiction.

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It continues to impress-I usually have a hard time getting into works where fan characters compose so much of the cast, but so far yours are quite enjoyable.

Voicing your opinions with tact is the best way to keep a discussion from becoming an argument.
So far as I'm aware, it's pronounced like this: We're ee ah moo.
 

Check out my Creations:

Epics

G1 Battle for Spherus Magna - G2 A Lingering Shadow


Short Stories

G1 Fallen Guardian - G2 Shadows of Past and Future (The Legend Continues Entry) Head of Stone, Heart of Jungle


MOCs

Mask Hoarder, Desert Scourge

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