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Lewa0111 Nuva

The Night Before Naming Day

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Well, it's that time of year, the holiday season, and what better way to celebrate than with a Holiday Special from Lewa# Studios? This time around, since my normal font color is green, I think I'll be using red this time! Here we go!

 

The Night before Naming Day

Part of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series!

 

'Twas the night before Naming Day

And all through the Metru

Not a Rahi was stirring

Not even a...umm...what rhymes with 'Metru?'

 

*The door to Matau's house opens and Matau himself emerges*

 

Matau: Umm...why did I hear a loud voice reciting a weird poem just now? You interrupted my dream, what gives?

 

I'm the poet-narrator-person-guy!

 

Matau: Well, we don't need you. Ask Matau! is over for today.

 

No, not that narrator! I'm the narrator for this holiday special. I'm reciting a poem about Naming Day.

 

Matau: What, and this poem was good enough to interrupt me from my amazing dream where I was riding an awesome super-fast vehicle through the streets of Metru Nui, running over Onewa, Vakama, and Nuju repeatedly, with five hundred brand-new awesome smartphones, while Nokama sat right behind me and kissed me nonstop?

 

You are so predictable. And you know what else is predictable?

 

Matau: What--

 

Nokama: *SLAP!*

 

Yeah. That.

 

Nokama: Sorry about him. He gets a little weird when it's this late at night. Actually, come to think of it, he's a little weird ALL the time...

 

Matau: :glare: I heard that.

 

Whatever, will any of you help me? I can't think of a word that rhymes with "Metru!"

 

Nokama: Let's see: Aetru, Betru, Cetru, Detru, Eetru, Fetru, Getru, Hetru, Ietru, Jetru, Ketru, Letru, Netru, Oetru, Petru, Quetru, Retru, Setru, Tetru, Uetru, Vetru, Wetru, Xetru, Yetru, Zetru. Do any of those help?

 

Why are BIONICLE words so hard to rhyme? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to improvise. Thanks, though. You can go back to sleep now.

 

Matau: Great! I hope Toa Santa brings me everything I wanted for Naming Day tomorrow!

 

*Matau and Nokama go back inside*

 

Ahem. 'Twas the night before Naming Day,

And all through the Metru,

Not a Rahi was stirring,

Not even a Uetru.

 

The foot-pieces were hung

By the chimney with care--

 

*A window on the top floor of The Nuva Inn slides open and Lewa sticks his head out*

 

Lewa: Hey, poet-narrator-person-guy! There aren't any chimneys in BIONICLE! Your poem doesn't make sense!

 

Sheesh, everyone's a critic! Look, the original poem had chimneys in it, and I couldn't think of any BIONICLE equivalent for chimney. So it just stuck.

 

Lewa: Well, it makes no sense.

 

Like that's at all unusual? This is a Lewa0111 comedy, you know.

 

Lewa: Good point. Still, you should at least try to make your poem more BIONICLEy.

 

"Bionicley?" Now you're the one not making sense.

 

Lewa: Oh, please. Anyone could do better at poem-writing than you!

 

Fine, I'd like to see you try it.

 

Lewa: Gladly! Ahem: "The foot-pieces were hung by the Zaktan with care, in hopes that trash cans soon wouldn't be there."

 

That makes even less sense than mine did. It had absolutely nothing to do with Naming Day! Oh, and you may want to look behind you.

 

Lewa: *turns around* Oh, hi, Zaktan, what do you--

 

*Zaktan dumps a gigantic trash can on Lewa's head*

 

Lewa: MMPH!

 

Finally, no more annoying Toa of Air criticizing my poetry. Zaktan, what's a good BIONICLE equivalent of chimneys?

 

Zaktan: Try chutes or something, I don't care. I have to go find more trash cans.

 

Okay, finally, here we go again: The foot-pieces were hung

By the chute-stops with care,

In hopes that Toa Santa

Soon would be there.

 

The Matoran were nestled

Uncomfortably on their stones,

And egotistical Air-Toa

Dreamed of smartphones.

 

Matau: EXCUSE ME?

 

I thought I told you to go back to bed already!

 

Matau: Yes, I know, but you can't just take my dreams and use them in your poem! That's plagiarism!

 

Yeah, right. As if you have your dreams copyrighted or something?

 

Matau: As a matter of fact, yes, I do. And also, that wasn't very smart.

 

What wasn't? Oh no...

 

Keetongu: DIE, POET-NARRATOR-PERSON-GUY! I HAVE COPYRIGHTS COPYRIGHTED!

 

AAAAHHHHH!!

 

Matau: Huh, looks like he's gone. I never knew Keetongu was capable of chasing Great Narrator Beings like him, but I guess so. :blink: But now what? Now the poem's over!

 

*Keelerak comes out of his bedroom, rubbing his eyes*

 

Keelerak: I heard noises, and when I looked outside, I saw a Great Narrator Being getting chased by Keetongu. :blink:

 

Matau: We're in another Lewa0111 comedy. Standard issue.

 

Keelerak: While we're on the topic of Lewa0111 weirdness, how exactly am I rubbing my eyes, anyway?

 

Matau: ...

 

Suukorak: ...

 

Suukorak's Subtitles: {Hey! My line!}

 

Matau: I really don't care. At this point, I just want this poem to be over so it can be Naming Day already! The suspense is driving me crazy!

 

Keelerak: Well, then, why don't you just finish the poem yourself?

 

Matau: Nah, that's a stupid idea.

 

*Nokama walks in*

 

Nokama: The poem stopped. I know I'm going to regret asking this, but: Matau, do you mind finishing the poem so that it can be Naming Day?

 

Matau: That's the best idea ever, Nokama!

 

*Keelerak sighs*

 

Matau: Okay, so, where were we? Let's just start from the beginning:

 

'Twas the night before Naming Day

And all through the Metru

Not a Rahi was stirring,

Not even a Uetru.

 

The foot-pieces were hung

By the chute-stops with care,

In hopes that Toa Santa

Soon would be there.

 

The Matoran were nestled

Uncomfortably on their stones,

While completely awesome Air-Toa

Dreamed of smartphones.

 

And Nokama in her Rau

And I in my Mahiki,

Had just settled down

And didn't see Rafiki.

 

Keelerak: Umm...explain why exactly you expected to see Rafiki in the first place? He doesn't even exist anywhere near Metru Nui! Not even the same universe!

 

Matau: It rhymes with Mahiki, all right? I don't see you coming up with any better ideas...

 

Roporak: How about Cheese-Fiki?

 

Everyone Else: :uhuh:

 

Roporak: Fine, I'm going back to bed. I was having a great dream about cheese.

 

*As Roporak leaves, a knock is heard on the door, and Takanuva, Kopaka, Tava, and Onua walk in*

 

Matau: Hi, guys. What's up?

 

Onua: Some moron was keeping us awake by belting out a really, really bad poem. So we thought we'd try to do better, and we figured you might be able to help us.

 

Matau: :lookaround: Umm, I didn't hear any poems, but okay, sure. I actually started working on the first part of "The Night Before Naming Day" all by myself! So let's just start from the later verse.

 

Takanuva: No.

 

KLopa= hahahahaha

 

Matau: :blink: What the--?

 

Kraata of Letter Control: Ha, ha! *slithers away*

 

Onua: That kraata is really getting on my nerves. How about we start now?

 

Matau: Sure, I'll just continue and you guys can help me! How about this:

 

When out on the island there arose such a clatter,

I ran to the door to see what was the matter.

I sprinted downstairs as quick as Pohatu,

Threw open the door and looked out the...Umm...umm..."lobatu?"

 

Onua: That was horrible. What kind of word is "lobatu," anyway?

 

Matau: We've already figured out that BIONICLE words aren't the easiest things to rhyme...

 

Tava: Pie! It rhymes with everything!

 

Onua: Will you shut up about pie already? It does NOT rhyme with everything!

 

Matau: That's true! Everything ends with I-N-G, while Pie ends with I-E!

 

Onua: :facepalm:

 

Tava: Well, how about I continue the poem then?

 

The toppings on the crust of the new-fallen pie

Gave the great taste of pie to the pie down below.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature pie, with eight tiny pies here!

 

Nokama: Oh, great. This is turning into the Valentine's Day special all over again, isn't it?

 

Matau: *shrugs* On the plus side, at least we only have to worry about TNI and Ask Matau! characters due to the forum reset. So no annoying Brutaka this time.

 

Nokama: Good point. Okay, Onua, I think it would be best for all of us if you continued.

 

Onua: Very well. Here I go!

 

With a driver of the pie, drinking bottles of Fanta,

I knew in a moment it was Toa Santa.

As if wearing Kakamas the eight pies they came,

And the Toa called each one of them with a name:

 

Tava: Okay, my turn!

 

*Everyone groans*

 

Tava: On, Blueberry, on chocolate,

On Cookies 'n Creme and on Lemon!

On pumpkin, on fishlighstonestatue,

On fire, on Pi!

 

Nokama: Remind me again how exactly the Rahi pulling Toa Santa's Ussanui got turned into pies pulling another pie? That somehow needs a driver?

 

Onua: It's Tava. I think that speaks for itself.

 

Nokama: Good point. Takanuva, do you want to continue?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Nokama: Fine, then I suppose I'll go...

 

To the top of the Coliseum!

Straight up to its wall!

Now dash away, dash away,

Dash away all!

 

Matau: Great job, hottie!

 

Nokama: *SLAP!*

 

Matau: :dazed: Should have seen that coming...

 

Onua: My turn again, I suppose!

 

Like Fikou spiders caught in a hurricane from Lewa,

When they ran into stuff, they flew off like Kewa.

But before they went off, they came to Matau's house,

With a pie full of gifts, and Toa Santa, with a bounce.

 

Tava: My turn again! :D

 

Nokama: I can't believe I'm doing this, but...better you, Matau, than him. It's your turn.

 

Matau: Awesome! Here I go!

 

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the side

The pieing and pieing of each little pie.

While I walked back inside, and then turned around,

Out the chute-stop came Toa Santa with a bound.

 

Matau: Sheesh, the Rahi being pies really makes this poem hard to write, now, doesn't it?

 

Tava: What are you talking about? It makes it so much more easy to write!

 

Matau: Sure, for you maybe...

 

Tava: My turn again!

 

His armor was pie from his mask to his foot,

And his body was drenched with protodermis from the chute.

A huge bunch of pies he had put on his back,

To give to the island from his Pie-Toa Pack.

 

Onua: *sigh* You really do have a one-track mind, huh? How about we let Kopaka take a turn?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

 

Onua: ...Or not...I guess I'll go.

 

His eyes, how they lit up! His mask, how festive!

His armor was colorful and he looked rather pensive!

Toa Santa was laughing, since before was a lie,

Not one speck of his armor was really a pie.

 

Tava: :(

 

Nokama: Very well-done retcon, Onua.

 

Matau: Yeah, finally we're done with this pie-obsessed ridiculousness! Now time for some Matau-obsessed non-ridiculousness!

 

Nokama: Figures.

 

Matau: My turn again!

 

He was eating hot soup and it sent up some steam,

Which drifted about, seeming just like a dream.

He spoke to me, saying "Matau, all this is for you!

These vehicles, smartphones, and Nokama too!"

 

Nokama: *SLAP!*

 

*Matau ducks*

 

Duck: Quack!

 

Everyone: :blink:

 

Matau: This is my poem, I can write it however I want to!

 

Nokama: You are so predictable.

 

Matau: Thanks! ...I think?

 

Nokama: *sighs* I'll just make it my turn, then.

 

Toa Santa was plump, rather large for a Toa,

Though he looked like a Nuva much more than an Olda.

A wink of his eye and a bob of his head,

Soon let Matau know he was joking instead.

 

Bob the Pirate :pirate:: Did you just use my name without permission? How dare you!

 

*All of the Toa in the room slam the door on Bob the Pirate's face*

 

Onua: Somehow I'm just not surprised anymore. My turn!

 

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

Filling all of the foot-pieces, then turned with a [CENSORED BY BZP WORD FILTER].

All the Visorak's foot-pieces, Matau Nokama and Whenua's too,

Had finally been filled, so Toa Santa left too.

 

Takanuva: Onua, you can't rhyme the same word with itself! That's cheating!

 

Onua: Who says? The narrator?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

*awkward pause*

 

Takanuva: Umm...Kopaka?

 

Kopaka: Delayed AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Takanuva: You're ridiculous.

 

Kopaka: Why, thank you!

 

Takanuva: No, I meant--oh, never mind. Let's just finish up already.

 

Matau: How about we ALL finish the poem together?

 

Nokama: That's a horrible idea...something tells me this won't go well. *shrugs* We'll see...

 

Matau: All right! I'll start!

 

Toa Santa returned to his Ussanui

PIE!

with a leap

INTO A PIE!

And away they flew off to the Coliseum of mine.

You don't own the Coliseum, Matau!

I wish I did!

You're ridiculous.

But we heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight,

OF THE PIE!

"Happy Naming Day to all, and to All a Good--"

--Pie!

 

THE END

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva
  • Upvote 1

My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |

My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)

ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

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It saddens me that a comedy with such decent standards has gone largely unnoticed. Let's fix that, shall we? :PSo first -- my overall impressions. Your name sounds familiar, but I'm not acquainted with your style anymore (if I ever was... how many years ago now?), so congrats, you've got a fresh reader!Things I like: 1) Your spelling and grammar. No mistakes found... and believe me, I try. The first step to enjoying a comedy is of course to not have to worry about that typo you're going to find! 2) The narrator's heavy involvement in the story. This one is partially my own bias (I used to enjoy breaking the fourth wall, too :P). I dig the relative chaos that ensues when the characters are interacting freely with the big italics-man in the sky (implicitly you, in this case). 3) Your sticking to relatively lightweight story requirements for the reader: those of us whose heads started spinning when everybody packed their bags for Metru Nui appreciate it!Things I could humbly critique: 1) I know this is a picky, technical thing, but I'll throw it out there for you to consider: I'm a big fan of characters' names in script-style being colored appropriately for easy identification of who's talking. As you know, it really facilitates one's following of the narrative; and yes, it is partially laziness (:P), but it's also just nice to not have a string of names rushing by. You did a good job deploying this strategy in the verse sections, of course (to great effect in the final, tutti one!). It's up to you whether it's worth putting in the time for this ADD-friendly detail, naturally. 2) In the meat of the story itself, I generally found that you successfully parodied most everything that you wanted to; the one exception would be Nokama's rebukes of her fellows, which I found a bit too unaware of their own irony, perhaps. The other such jokes (the hackneyed obsession with pie, the pirate, etc.) are sufficiently tongue-in-cheek for my taste, but there's just something in Nokama's one-liners that speaks too directly to the cynical teenage attitude they are inspired by. (The retcon reference was subtly nice, though.) 3) The word ridiculous. Maybe we can agree that it's kind of a placeholder for a better word. :P But I'm probably just telling you something you already know...Otherwise I certainly found this well-written and entertaining in a very controlled random fashion. What most of this forum calls random usually implies a certain disregard for plot goals and coherence, neither of which you succumb to here!!Anyway, some of my favorite moments:"Zaktan: Try chutes or something, I don't care. I have to go find more trash cans."See, I don't even know who Zaktan is and his rugged indifference is still funny."Matau: We're in another Lewa0111 comedy. Standard issue....Suukorak's Subtitles: [Hey! My line!]"Yeah, nice fourth wall-smashing heh."The toppings on the crust of the new-fallen pieGave the great taste of pie to the pie down below.When what to my wondering eyes should appear,But a miniature pie, with eight tiny pies here!"A real LOL moment for me the first time... it's tricky, isn't it, poking fun at a cliche while not succumbing to it? The overdoing it seems key here.Other things that really work are Matau's ego ("completely awesome Air-Toa") and the shoutout to Nuvas vs. Oldas, heh.So: thanks for the good read! I am very glad to see such work still being done here, and will remember your name whenever I'm back on these forums! A merry belated holiday to all. ^_^-- Onuki

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HO HO HO, this was funny! I loved the running gags with Pie, Matau being a fool, and breaking the fourth wall.The Kopaka panicking at the thought of having anything to do with that poem was my favorite part.The down side was...well, can't really find one! Nice work.


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