Around fourteen years ago I wrote a comedy on BZP called Good Makuta, Bad Toa. Its premise was exactly what it sounds like and was pretty typical of the then-thriving Comedies forum. For a variety of reasons, I have decided to revisit this, with fourteen more years of writing experience under my belt and simultaneously even less care. Let's go.
GOOD MAKUTA, BAD TOA
Scene I: Mangaia, the underground lair of The Makuta
(The Makuta, having just been once again beaten by the Toa returns to his lair.)
THE MAKUTA: Once again have those Toa bested me in combat! I have sent the might of the Rahi after the, I have tried to defeat them with the Bohrok Swarms! Failing that I assailed them with the Bohrok-Kal, but to no avail. Mayhaps a can of silver paint was not enough to redeem an ill-thought design. Even my sons, my Rahkshi, were powerless against the newfound Seventh Toa! Woe betide me that I might see my machinations brought down by some confounded prophecy! A seventh Toa? What madness might that be? But wait, my sons do approach; do they bring tidings of their battle against the Toa? Best not to overbear them, I shall retreat to the shadows and listen to what they say.
(The Makuta retreats to the shadows, which isn't hard, given that he is a being born of shadow. Enter the Rahkshi: Turahk, Guurahk, Lerahk, Panrahk, Vorahk, Kurahk)
KURAHK (angrily throwing his staff to the ground): Well, that was a total wash!
GUURAHK: It's futile to fight these Toa! Ever since that Takanuva joined them.
TURAHK: I fear our upper-hand might be lost.
GUURAHK: As if we ever had the upper-hand.
TURAHK: We had it for, like, five minutes.
LERAHK: Yeah, five minutes.
VORAHK: Hey, I'm hungry, anyone want something?
PANRAHK: I'll have whatever you're having.
(Vorahk goes to the fridge and starts rummaging around.)
TURAHK: How can you be hungry at a time like this?
VORAHK (from the fridge): Dude, kinda my thing.
PANRAHK: Plus, it's best not to weather father's rage on an empty stomach.
(Vorahk retrieves a bag of refrigerated potato chips from the fridge and two cans of soda)
VORAHK: It's the same old, same old, we fight the Toa, they say something about darkness unable to stand before the light, and that's it.
LERAHK: Every time.
KURAHK: I tire of losing!
(From the shadows materializes The Makuta.)
THE MAKUTA: My sons.
TURAHK: Father. We fought the Toa. I'm afraid we lost.
THE MAKUTA: Again? Every time you do battle do you lose. It has become a rhythm as assured as the tides. As if Destiny itself does work against us, as if were United in our Duty to defeat.
LERAHK: Yeah, basically. What he said.
THE MAKUTA: If only there were a way for us to undo Destiny, to reject our Duty! Our fight is not against the Toa but it seems against the forces of the world itself. Were there only some way to escape this onus, to free ourselves of our obligation! Were there but someway that darkness could prevail! But alas, we are but the villains of this narrative, the fiends that seek to upset the Matoran's precious world.
(The Rahkshi await The Makuta's next words in silent anticipation. Except for Vohrahk and Panrahk, who eat. Panrahk burps.)
THE MAKUTA: By Karzahni, that may yet be it. Might us not be condemned to this lot in life? My sons, I feel there may be a way for us to escape this ritual of ridicule. Evil may not be able to prevail against good, but might we be able to change our alignment?
TURAHK: Father, dare you suggest what I fear you are?
THE MAKUTA: My sons, we are to be the heroes now! We shall be the good guys! And supported by the hallowed Three Virtues, we shall be unstoppable and beloved! We must announce this change to the Matoran! We shall be hailed, our time has come! But where to announce these tidings, where will there be a gathering?
PANRAHK: At the Kolhii finals at Kini-Nui tonight?
THE MAKUTA: What conveniently timed fortune! Come, my sons, our time is now!
Scene II: Kini Nui Kohli Stadium, actually erected slightly to the southwest of Kini-Nui itself because who would desecrate a temple with a sports stadium?
(The Kolhii finals are in full swing, it's Ta-Koro versus Po-Koro. The six Turaga are in attendance alongside hundreds upon hundreds of Matoran. The Toa are nowhere to be found.)
KOLHII ANNOUNCER: And Hewkii goes for the goal! Kapura moves to block it... he's still moving, folks, moving real slow. Still moving. Hewkii strikes the ball and– Mata Nui Kapura blocks it! He passes the ball to Jaller, the Ta-Matoran is moving in on the Po-Koro guard. Hewkii makes to steal and oh, what a juke! Jaller has a clear path to the goal and– what's that? Are those five goalkeepers? No, wait, they're another Hafu Originals® carved by Hafu during the game! Jaller shoots and the ball rebounds off a Hafu Original®!
(A whistle blows)
KOLHII ANNOUNCER: That's the referee! No doubt a challenge has been made by the Ta-Koro team about having Hafu Originals® in play! The judges are conferring now. Truly, this is an unusual situation. Po-Koro did not field any additional players, but does Hafu carving these statues constitute a violation of these rules? The ramifications of this decision could affect the sport for years to come. Oh, wait, they've reached a decision!
(A judge steps forward from the huddle)
JUDGE: Well, there's nothing in the rules that says you can't carve Hafu Originals® during a match!
KOLHII ANNOUNCER: And that's the call! It looks like Ta-Koro has their work cut out for them in this match.
(The lights dim)
KOLHII ANNOUNCER: What's this? Does a shadow approach?
TERRIFIED LE-MATORAN: It's The Makuta!
(The Makuta, materializes in the middle of the field, flanked by his six Rahkshi.)
THE MAKUTA: Gathered Matoran, please, be calm. I mean you no harm, never have I.
VAKAMA: Then what about those Rahi attacks?
THE MAKUTA: They were to protect you from dangers you knew naught about.
VAKAMA: And the Bohrok?
THE MAKUTA: Extensive remodeling.
VAKAMA: The Bohrok-Kal?
THE MAKUTA: Remodeled remodelers.
WHENUA: Seems legit.
VAKAMA: I'm unconvinced!
THE MAKUTA: And so you might well be. But believe me when I say I want nothing more than for you to be better. It is for this reason that I have decided– (A Kolhii ball bashes the side of his head) Who dares attack The Makuta?
(All heads turn to see Jaller casually-but-not-really-casually-because-he's-trying-too-hard-to-look-casual holding his Kolhii Staff behind his back).
THE MAKUTA: Insolent Matoran! You are but a speck to try and exploit my sole weakness, that of ill-fated games of skill! For that you shall... (The Makuta composes himself) You shall be rewarded for your heroism! Son of Fragmentation, reward this brave Matoran!
(Panrahk steps forward. Jaller recoils. A hush of silence befalls the crowd. Panrahk places a crudely-made daisy chain around Jaller's neck).
PANRAHK: He has been rewarded!
(The Rahkshi cheer. Kapura half-heartedly cheers too.)
THE MAKUTA: My Matoran, you have naught to fear from The Makuta any more!
TURAHK (aside): Naught to fear? Then what am I here for?
THE MAKUTA: From this day forth, The Makuta is good! I am the protector of Mata Nui and all its inhabitants. You have heard it here, The Makuta is your hero!
Edited by Ta-metru_defender, Mar 10 2018 - 09:05 PM.