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Good Makuta, Bad Toa


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#1 Offline Ta-metru_defender

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Posted Mar 07 2018 - 07:47 PM

Foreword

 

Around fourteen years ago I wrote a comedy on BZP called Good Makuta, Bad Toa. Its premise was exactly what it sounds like and was pretty typical of the then-thriving Comedies forum. For a variety of reasons, I have decided to revisit this, with fourteen more years of writing experience under my belt and simultaneously even less care. Let's go.

 

Cheers,

TMD

 

GOOD MAKUTA, BAD TOA

 

 

Act I

 

Scene I: Mangaia, the underground lair of The Makuta

 

(The Makuta, having just been once again beaten by the Toa returns to his lair.)

 

THE MAKUTA: Once again have those Toa bested me in combat! I have sent the might of the Rahi after the, I have tried to defeat them with the Bohrok Swarms! Failing that I assailed them with the Bohrok-Kal, but to no avail. Mayhaps a can of silver paint was not enough to redeem an ill-thought design. Even my sons, my Rahkshi, were powerless against the newfound Seventh Toa! Woe betide me that I might see my machinations brought down by some confounded prophecy! A seventh Toa? What madness might that be? But wait, my sons do approach; do they bring tidings of their battle against the Toa? Best not to overbear them, I shall retreat to the shadows and listen to what they say.

 

(The Makuta retreats to the shadows, which isn't hard, given that he is a being born of shadow. Enter the Rahkshi: Turahk, Guurahk, Lerahk, Panrahk, Vorahk, Kurahk)

 

KURAHK (angrily throwing his staff to the ground): Well, that was a total wash!

 

GUURAHK: It's futile to fight these Toa! Ever since that Takanuva joined them.

 

TURAHK: I fear our upper-hand might be lost.

 

GUURAHK: As if we ever had the upper-hand.

 

TURAHK: We had it for, like, five minutes.

 

LERAHK: Yeah, five minutes.

 

VORAHK: Hey, I'm hungry, anyone want something?

 

PANRAHK: I'll have whatever you're having.

 

(Vorahk goes to the fridge and starts rummaging around.)

 

TURAHK: How can you be hungry at a time like this?

 

VORAHK (from the fridge): Dude, kinda my thing.

 

PANRAHK: Plus, it's best not to weather father's rage on an empty stomach.

 

(Vorahk retrieves a bag of refrigerated potato chips from the fridge and two cans of soda)

 

VORAHK: It's the same old, same old, we fight the Toa, they say something about darkness unable to stand before the light, and that's it.

 

LERAHK: Every time.

 

KURAHK: I tire of losing!

 

(From the shadows materializes The Makuta.)

 

THE MAKUTA: My sons.

 

TURAHK: Father. We fought the Toa. I'm afraid we lost.

 

THE MAKUTA: Again? Every time you do battle do you lose. It has become a rhythm as assured as the tides. As if Destiny itself does work against us, as if were United in our Duty to defeat.

 

LERAHK: Yeah, basically. What he said.

 

THE MAKUTA: If only there were a way for us to undo Destiny, to reject our Duty! Our fight is not against the Toa but it seems against the forces of the world itself. Were there only some way to escape this onus, to free ourselves of our obligation! Were there but someway that darkness could prevail! But alas, we are but the villains of this narrative, the fiends that seek to upset the Matoran's precious world.

 

(The Rahkshi await The Makuta's next words in silent anticipation. Except for Vohrahk and Panrahk, who eat. Panrahk burps.)

 

THE MAKUTA: By Karzahni, that may yet be it. Might us not be condemned to this lot in life? My sons, I feel there may be a way for us to escape this ritual of ridicule. Evil may not be able to prevail against good, but might we be able to change our alignment?

 

TURAHK: Father, dare you suggest what I fear you are?

 

THE MAKUTA: My sons, we are to be the heroes now! We shall be the good guys! And supported by the hallowed Three Virtues, we shall be unstoppable and beloved! We must announce this change to the Matoran! We shall be hailed, our time has come! But where to announce these tidings, where will there be a gathering?

 

PANRAHK: At the Kolhii finals at Kini-Nui tonight?

 

THE MAKUTA: What conveniently timed fortune! Come, my sons, our time is now!

 

(Exeunt all)

 

 

Scene II: Kini Nui Kohli Stadium, actually erected slightly to the southwest of Kini-Nui itself because who would desecrate a temple with a sports stadium?

 

(The Kolhii finals are in full swing, it's Ta-Koro versus Po-Koro. The six Turaga are in attendance alongside hundreds upon hundreds of Matoran. The Toa are nowhere to be found.)

 

KOLHII ANNOUNCER: And Hewkii goes for the goal! Kapura moves to block it... he's still moving, folks, moving real slow. Still moving. Hewkii strikes the ball and– Mata Nui Kapura blocks it! He passes the ball to Jaller, the Ta-Matoran is moving in on the Po-Koro guard. Hewkii makes to steal and oh, what a juke! Jaller has a clear path to the goal and– what's that? Are those five goalkeepers? No, wait, they're another Hafu Originals® carved by Hafu during the game! Jaller shoots and the ball rebounds off a Hafu Original®! 

 

(A whistle blows)

 

KOLHII ANNOUNCER: That's the referee! No doubt a challenge has been made by the Ta-Koro team about having Hafu Originals® in play! The judges are conferring now. Truly, this is an unusual situation. Po-Koro did not field any additional players, but does Hafu carving these statues constitute a violation of these rules? The ramifications of this decision could affect the sport for years to come. Oh, wait, they've reached a decision!

 

(A judge steps forward from the huddle)

 

JUDGE: Well, there's nothing in the rules that says you can't carve Hafu Originals® during a match!

 

KOLHII ANNOUNCER: And that's the call! It looks like Ta-Koro has their work cut out for them in this match.

 

(The lights dim)

 

KOLHII ANNOUNCER: What's this? Does a shadow approach?

 

TERRIFIED LE-MATORAN: It's The Makuta!

 

(The Makuta, materializes in the middle of the field, flanked by his six Rahkshi.)

 

THE MAKUTA: Gathered Matoran, please, be calm. I mean you no harm, never have I.

 

VAKAMA: Then what about those Rahi attacks?

 

THE MAKUTA: They were to protect you from dangers you knew naught about.

 

VAKAMA: And the Bohrok?

 

THE MAKUTA: Extensive remodeling.

 

VAKAMA: The Bohrok-Kal?

 

THE MAKUTA: Remodeled remodelers.

 

WHENUA: Seems legit.

 

VAKAMA: I'm unconvinced!

 

THE MAKUTA: And so you might well be. But believe me when I say I want nothing more than for you to be better. It is for this reason that I have decided– (A Kolhii ball bashes the side of his head) Who dares attack The Makuta?

 

(All heads turn to see Jaller casually-but-not-really-casually-because-he's-trying-too-hard-to-look-casual holding his Kolhii Staff behind his back).

 

THE MAKUTA: Insolent Matoran! You are but a speck to try and exploit my sole weakness, that of ill-fated games of skill! For that you shall... (The Makuta composes himself) You shall be rewarded for your heroism! Son of Fragmentation, reward this brave Matoran!

 

(Panrahk steps forward. Jaller recoils. A hush of silence befalls the crowd. Panrahk places a crudely-made daisy chain around Jaller's neck).

 

PANRAHK: He has been rewarded!

 

(The Rahkshi cheer. Kapura half-heartedly cheers too.)

 

THE MAKUTA: My Matoran, you have naught to fear from The Makuta any more!

 

TURAHK (aside): Naught to fear? Then what am I here for?

 

THE MAKUTA: From this day forth, The Makuta is good! I am the protector of Mata Nui and all its inhabitants. You have heard it here, The Makuta is your hero!

 

(Curtains)


Edited by Ta-metru_defender, Mar 10 2018 - 09:05 PM.

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#2 Offline Jean Valjean

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Posted Mar 10 2018 - 12:34 PM

:kaukau: You know, for a moment there I thought that you were going to take this down the Cinderella III: A Twist In Time rout.  In spite of its name and the fact that it's straight-to-DVD, it's surprisingly good.  Stepmother gets Godmother's wand, reverses time, has prince fall in love with Stepsister, creates an interesting story.  So what I thought was that Makuta wasn't necessarily going to time travel, but he would get into the Red Star or break the fourth wall or something to rewrite the rules so that bad guys can win or something.  Anyway, I was wrong.  Interesting idea, though...

 

Also, yeah, the bucket of silver pain thing.  Nice joke.  To be honest, when I was a kid I disliked the metal colors on the Bohrok Kal, and I especially disliked their non-transparent helmets.  The originals were just more striking.  However, I was a bit young and it didn't occur to me to complain that they were basically repeats of the original designs.  In hindsight, I realize how dumb that was, although at the same time, they were pretty cool in-story.

 

The Rahkshii, by comarison, were freaking...epic.  I'm talking Xenomorph levels of monster awesomeness.  Those were special times.

 

Another thing: Why aren't the Toa ever around?  It made sense in MNOG, because there was a war going on and they had their quest.  But in MNOG II, in a time of piece, what exactly are they off doing?  Can't they hang around the villages a little bit?  I'd imagine that highly personable folk like Pohatu and Lewa might swing by (no pun intended, although this is a comedy forum) their village and do some extroverting.  Why isn't Onua helping with the mines in Onu-Koro?  He could drastically help everyone out.  And why didn't Gali ever help unflood the Great Mine?  At the very least, they could show up for Kolhii matches to give these cultural institutions the respect that they deserve!  And where are their shrines?  The villages are missing their shrines in MNOG II.  My goodness, you opened up my eyes.  Well, I suppose that I noticed this before, but still.  You just reminded me of something that doesn't make sense, although it doesn't actually bother me or anything, since MNOG II is pretty good with only the Matoran.  To be fair to the Mask of Light movie, the Toa showed up for the Kolhii final in Ta-Koro.  Before it got attacked by Rahkshi.  If only it has some kind of defender...but apparently only the Metru have those.

 

 

 

Well, there's nothing in the rules that says you can't carve Hafu Originals® during a match!

 

This reminds me of those old Disney movies where they'd say "There's nothing in the rule books that say a dog can't practice law."  Or in the case of Air Bud, basketball.  Or in Most Valuable Primate, a primate playing hockey.  Or in Soccer Dog: The Movie...well, that's self- explanatory.  And they even say just about exactly that same quote about the rule-book.  And in Babe, apparently a pig can be a sheep-herding dog.  I honestly kind of love this trope.  By the way, I spent the last several minutes on TV Tropes just looking up a list of all the times people got away with certain things in sports because there "wasn't anything in the rule book saying that you can't __________."  Fascinating stuff.  Especially when you get to Hockey and other winter sports.

 

 

So anyway, thoughts overall: I like it.  Nice humor.  It actually comes off more like it was designed to be particularly humorous in an animation.  Perhaps with good voice actors, but at the same time those old animations never had voice actors.  The point is, a lot of this seems designed to work well with some really good expressiveness and comedic timing, so while reading it I took the time to really visualize what the animation would look like.    But anyway, yeah, that's how it comes off to me.

 

Hope to see that the "Bad Toa" are meant to be.  Since I actually don't really know what that's supposed to mean.  Either they're poor at doing their job, or they turn evil.  Not sure which...

 

24601


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#3 Offline OctoPahrak Traveler

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Posted Mar 10 2018 - 11:16 PM

Sounds like a fun idea, interested to see where it goes.  Love how The Makuta seems to speak in theatrical soliloquies.  KUTGW!


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#4 Offline Ta-metru_defender

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Posted Mar 14 2018 - 03:59 PM

Alright chumps, time for more!

 

Act II

 

Scene I: The Turaga's Hut in Ta-Koro, Currently Under New Management

 

(Various Matoran stand in the antechamber. At the far wall, beneath the great Seal of Ta-Koro is TUURAHK, staff resting to the side.)

 

TUURAHK: (His heads rests in his hands, exhaustion reads across his metal face) Look, I'm afraid that the lava eels seem to have been dead upon arrival. Even though Kalama knows full well that Lava Eels need to be in lava to, uh, eel. However they were shipped to Kalama without lava for some reason. As such, Tiribomba will have to replace Kalama's order.

 

(Kalama raises his arms in triumph)

 

TIRIBOMBA: But Tuurahk I–

 

(Tuurahk clears his throat)

 

TIRIBOMBA: I mean Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, Kalama was supposed to pick them up from my store.

 

KALAMA: I was busy that day!

 

TIRIBOMBA: You had an appointment!

 

TUURAHK: Very well. In that case, you are to split the cost of the replacement Lava Eels. Elsewise, Tiribomba will refund half the price. Are we understood?

 

KALAMA: Yes.

 

TIRIBOMBA: Well... (Tuurahk's hand lazily reaches towards his staff) Yes! Well, yes! Such is fine.

 

TUURAHK: Good. Be on your way.

 

(Exeunt Kalama and Tiribomba)

 

TUURAHK: (Rising) Kapura, let me know when my next appointment's here. I'm going outside.

 

KAPURA: Yes sir Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, sir.

 

(Exeunt Tuurahk through the back door)

 

 

 

 

Scene II: Outside The Turaga's Hut in Ta-Koro, Overlooking the Lava Falls

 

(Tuurahk steps out and leans against the hut. He reaches in his pocket and realizes that neither cigarettes not pockets exist in this canon. He leans his head back and sighs. Promptly, there's a roar in the air and Kuurahk flies in and lands next to Tuurahk)

 

KUURAHK: These Matoran are driving me crazy!

 

TUURAHK: Oh, good to know I'm not the only one.

 

KUURAHK: When Dad said we were gonna be good guys I thought we'd be out fighting Rahi and monsters! Not... legislating.

 

TUURAHK: It's nightmarish stuff to be sure. Though I hear Lerahk's enjoying himself.

 

KUURAHK: Apparently he's having safety bars installed in Lo-Koro. Something about health and safety compliance. 

 

TUURAHK: Well how about that.

 

KUURAHK: You know what we need? A good villain, someone to fight! An adversary! 

 

TUURAHK: Like a nemesis!

 

KUURAHK: Yeah!

 

TUURAHK: Maybe the Bohrok-Kal?

 

(They look at each other for a moment. Then burst out laughing.)

 

KUURAHK: The Bohrok-Kal! You really had me going for a second there.

 

TUURAHK: (Imitating Tahnok-Kal) Ooo, look at me, I'm electric! And all special 'cuz I'm silver!

 

KUURAHK: We'd need something better than that.

 

KAPURA: Excuse me, Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, sir.

 

(Tuurahk and Kuurahk shout in surprise)

 

TUURAHK: You gotta stop sneaking up on me! I'm jumpy!

 

KAPURA: Yes sir, Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, sir.

 

TUURAHK: Well, what is it?

 

KAPURA: Your 5 o'clock is here.

 

TUURAHK: Ah, right. (To Kuurahk) Well, duty calls.

 

KUURAHK: Those Ko-Matoran have probably figured out I'm not contemplating the mountain or whatever. See you.

 

(Exenut Kuurahl by flying, Exeunt Tuurahk and Kapura by side door)

 

 

 

 

Scene III: The Turaga's Hut in Ta-Koro, Still Under New Management

 

(Tahu Nuva stands facing away from the door, arms crossed. There's a sound as Tuurahk and Kapura reenter.)

 

 

TAHU: Finally, Turaga! I do not know what it is with these newfound 'appointments' you seem to be so fond of, but I will not stand for it. (He turns and sees Tuurahk) A Rahkshi! Here? (He draws his swords) Where is Vakama and what have you done with him, foul beast?

 

TUURAHK: I have replaced him!

 

TAHU: Vile! Your shall pay for that!

 

KAPURA: But Toa Tahu!

 

TAHU: Yes, Matoran?

 

KAPURA: Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk is our Turaga! And he has been a fair and just arbiter.

 

TAHU: Lies!

 

TUURAHK: No, I'm afraid it is quite true.

 

TAHU: Madness!

 

TIRIBOMBA: Nope, I can account for it.

 

TUURAHK: Hey, go refund those lava eels.

 

TIRIBOMBA: Right, right. (Exeunt)

 

TUURAHK: You see, Toa, things have changed. We're the heroes now. The Makuta's the good guy now, you're the bad guy.

 

KAPURA: Makuta: Good, Toa: Bad.

 

TUURAHK: Exactly, but it's gotta be catchier.

 

JALLER: Good Makuta, Bad Toa?

 

TUURAHK: Ah, perfection.

 

TAHU: Indeed, that is a good name for this situation!

 

TUURAHK: So are we understood?

 

TAHU: So I am a villain now?

 

TUURAHK: Yes! (Having a realization) You are my nemesis!

 

TAHU: I... I must depart! Do no harm to my Matoran! (Exenut, in a distressed panic)

 

TUURAHK: They aren't your Matoran anymore! Now then. What's next?

 

JALLER: Defense plans for the City. What shall we do in the event of another Rai attack?

 

TUURAHK: (Laughing) Nothing, I imagine. The Rahi are under the Makuta's control, and he protects you.

 

JALLER: Fantastic! Another day where the walls of Ta-Koro have not fallen!

 

 

 

Scene IV: A Sketchy Bar in the Wilds of Po-Wahi

 

(Ahkmou lazily tends bar in a mostly empty establishment. Off in the corner, around a table, are the six Toa Nuva)

 

 

 

TAHU: Can you believe it? We're the bad guys now?

 

ONUA: I don't understand.

 

LEWA: Well, see, the Makuta decided he was good, so we're bad now.

 

ONUA: But how is that possible?

 

POHATU: Them's the rules, I guess. Don't think we could just decided to be good either, else this how narrative conceit would fall apart.

 

LEWA: My Matoran started throwing fruit at me.

 

GALI: Mine tried to sink my boat. I can swim and breath underwater and control water so I wasn't hurt.

 

POHATU: Obviously.

 

GALI: But the gesture still hurt!

 

KOPAKA: ...

 

ONUA: Oh wow, that's awful. I never liked Ehrye anyway. Jerk. (Lewa gasps) No, no, I can say that. I'm a villain now.

 

GALI: There's still something we can do.

 

TAHU: Is there?

 

GALI: We can fight the Makuta as we always do!

 

LEWA: But we're the bad guys now?

 

GALI: So?

 

POHATU: It will be a challenge like no other!

 

TAHU: That's it then! We shall challenge the Makuta! Kopaka, what say you?

 

KOPAKA: ...

 

TAHU: Excellent, then we are all in accord! Let us all go to Mangaia!

 

(Exeunt all, except Ahkmou)

 

Ahkmou: Wait, guys, your tab... sheesh, they really are villains now.

 

(Curtains)


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#5 Offline The 1st Shadow

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Posted Mar 14 2018 - 11:56 PM

What glorious madness have I stumbled upon? A sheer delight, it would seem! The bit about the Bohrok-Kal was hilarious. Also, Vorahk's "Dude, kinda my thing," bit was wonderful. Excellent work. Can't wait to see where this goes next.


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#6 Offline OctoPahrak Traveler

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Posted Mar 17 2018 - 07:38 PM

 

 

POHATU: Them's the rules, I guess. Don't think we could just decided to be good either, else this how narrative conceit would fall apart.

 

 

 

Pohatu, I always knew you were the best


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#7 Offline Ta-metru_defender

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Posted Mar 21 2018 - 05:40 PM

Because I can, here's another one!

 

Act II

 

Scene IV: Mangaia, the home of The Makuta, known to all as a source of goodness and general wonderfulness

(The Makuta sits at his throne. Before him are Vorahk and Guurahk)

 

VORAHK: So as per our reports, the cave-in problems plaguing Onu-Koro have been dealt with. As it happens, Guurahk's fragmentation was able to expose weak spots in the cave network thus allowing us remove all unstable areas.

 

GUURAHK: Following that, a team of Matoran reinforced walls. In addition, with Rahi no longer attacking, we believe that Onu-Koro is now quite safe.

 

MAKUTA: Excellent, my sons, you have done your Island home proud. Where is the Matoran who spear worked with you?

 

(Vorahk and Guurahk step aside, ushering Nuparu forward)

 

MAKUTA: Ah, brave Matoran. You have done well keeping your Koro safe. 

 

NUPARU: Well, it's not all that complicated, really. The Rahi would always get in the way of some of our improvements so once we took them out of the equation — thank you for that, by the way — it was really a simple matter of moving stuff around and making sure only hard rock was around because the soft rock would fall and when you have a robot lizard dinosaur creature with a staff that makes stuff fragment it becomes much easier, honestly, I don't know why this wasn't done before, maybe it had something to do with those Rahi but now that we have—

 

MAKUTA: Yes, yes, you're very clever, Matoran. Vorahk! See to it that he is rewarded for his innovation!

 

VORAHK: Yes, father. Tell me, Nuparu, what do you like to eat?

 

NUPARU: Well, just about anything, really, Fikou burgers are an absolute delicacy especially with some berries but I could really go for a Mukau steak but those are kinda tough and I hear they're not called Mukau's anymore but they'll always be Mukaus to me but I guess a Muaka flank would be really exquisite if we're getting fancy and-

 

VORAHK: Alright, pizza it is.

 

NUPARU: Well I do like pizza but is it the sort with cheese in the crust because then you have to eat it backwards and that's just weird and really what are we using for toppings and all because I don't know if–

 

VORAHK: Gotcha, yep, just wait outside.

 

NUPARU: Sure thing. (Exit Nuparu, rambling quietly about the nature of going outside).

 

MAKUTA: Now, how goes the the installation of guardrails around Le-Koro? For too long Matoran have fallen to unfortunate and quite easily preventable injury simply by taking one wrong step off of high tree platforms; in addition, the Gukko tire of having to catch said falling Matoran. Should the Matoran be protected they must also be protected from workplace injury. Lerahk, appraise me!

 

(Lerahk and Tamaru approach the throne)

 

LERAHK: Honestly, it makes no sense why this hasn't been done before.

 

TAMARU: Matau was always too cheap to allocate the budget for it. Also, he says the thrill of falling is half the reason we live in the trees.

 

(There is a crash and the great door to the Mangaia is sent flying off its hinges. It crashes to the ground, narrowly missing Taipu. The TOA NUVA walk in through the door.)

 

LEWA: And the other half was safety from the deadly jungle Rahi below! But also the falling thing was fun.

 

MAKUTA: Toa! How dare you invade my dais? And why must you destroy my door! It was unlocked: a simple knock would have sufficed!

 

ONUA: It was more dramatic that way.

 

POHATU: And really, dramatic is what we're going for.

 

NUPARU: (Poking his head around the blown out hole) Well, I tried to talk them out of it but they kinda ignored me and decided to make their own door but really I don't see why they'd do that you had such a nice ornate door that did a good job of the opening and closing thing and really why would anyone want to—

 

TAHU: We have come to unseat you, Makuta!

 

GALI: Prepare for a fight!

 

KOPAKA: ...

POHATU: Woah, dude, there's no reason to bring his mothers into this.

 

KOPAKA: ...

 

POHATU: Much better. We're villainous, not sexist.

 

EVERYONE PRESENT: Hear, hear.

 

TAHU: In any case! Your reign is at an end!

 

(The Toa ready their weapons. The Rahkshi present — Lerahk, Vorahk, and Guurahk — assume defensive positions. The Makuta waves them up and rises.)

 

MAKUTA: Young Toa, must everything be solved with violence? You attack my home, threaten my Matoran. Why, Taipu here was almost flattened by your unique means of opening a door. Does the life of a Onu-Matoran mean so little to you?

 

LEWA: (Aside) I thought he was a Po-Matoran?

 

GALI: (Aside) No, no, tan and black. Obviously an Onu-Matoran.

 

LEWA: (Aside) But then what about Hafu?

 

POHATU: (Aside) No, no, tan and black are Po-Matoran.

 

LEWA: (Aside) The what about Taipu?

 

POHATU: (Aside) There was a mislabeling of Matoran Spheres. We don't talk about it.

 

LEWA: (Aside) Wait, Matoran Spheres? How do we know what a Matoran sphere is.

 

MAKUTA: I still await an answer, lest you would like to continue your hushed conversation.

 

TAHU: Prepare to fight, Makuta!

 

MAKUTA: Of course, you will try to defeat me, but you will find it to no avail, for you will fine that this time Destiny is on my side!

 

(They fight)


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#8 Offline The 1st Shadow

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Posted Mar 22 2018 - 04:58 AM

TAMARU: Matau was always too cheap to allocate the budget for it. Also, he says the thrill of falling is half the reason we live in the trees.

 

 

You know, I always wondered about that in MNOG. Didn't make a lick of sense. This would explain a few things. :P Excellent chapter!


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#9 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Mar 22 2018 - 09:26 AM

For the record, Nuparu cracks me up :D

 

Definitely interested in seeing where this goes!


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#10 Offline OctoPahrak Traveler

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Posted Mar 22 2018 - 10:34 PM

Maybe it's because I just watched a show where a single fight took four whole episodes, but ending with a simple "They fight" is utterly freaking hilarious.


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#11 Offline Ta-metru_defender

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Posted Mar 28 2018 - 10:22 PM

Pahrak buddy, this one's for you.

 

Act II

 

Scene IV - continued: Still in Mangaia, the home of The Makuta, known to all as a source of goodness and general wonderfulness, currently host to an Epic Battle between Good (Makuta) and Bad (Toa).

(They fight)

 

LERAHK: Think we should join in?

 

GUURAHK: Nah, I think, they're good.

 

VORAHK: I'm gonna go grab a bite. Anybody want anything?

 

GUURAHK: Got any twinkies?

 

LERAHK: Dude, that stuff's poison.

 

GUURAHK: Suit yourself.

 

(Vorahk goes to the fridge. Meanwhile, Makuta battles the Toa.)

 

TAMARU: So what can you tell me about guard rails?

 

NUPARU: Well, there's a whole variety of types of guard rails, all depending on what they're guarding; like there's the ones that keep you from falling into water or off bridges or into chemical vats which you really shouldn't go swimming in because that's just not great — but then there are an eclectic sort of guard rails which are rails for guards, they're used by the Ta-Koro guard to keep themselves on the move, but you shouldn't confuse them with the guard rails in Onu-Koro 'cuz those protect the tracks for mine carts — because those are guard rails too — and they're good at what they do and—

 

TAMARU: But could you, y'know, build one?

 

NUPARU: Well, easily, just take a few of these pieces or these pieces, or really anything from this category, but the real trick is going to be getting it to attach to the wood; I suppose we could use some sort of bonding agent or—

 

(The Makuta continues to fend off the Toa. Vorahk brings over the twinkies)

 

VORAHK: Sure is something, isn't it?

 

GUURAHK: No kidding, almost seems like Dad's got more of a punch than usual.

 

VORAHK: No, not that, the twinkies.

 

LERAHK: Seriously dude, that stuff will eat you out from the inside.

 

VORAHK: (ignoring him) We have twinkies in this world.

 

GUURAHK: Well sure, they're made in the bakeries in Ga-Koro.

 

VORAHK: Eh, checks out.

 

LERAHK: So, we betting on this fight?

 

(Tamaru approaches, followed by Nuparu)

 

TAMARU: We betting? I'm putting a hundred widgets on the Makuta.

 

VORAHK: Dude, no one's gonna see that action.

 

GUURAHK: Eh, what the Karzahni. I'm in, hundred widgets on the Toa. What are the odds?

 

NUPARU: Well, it's six on one odds so ostensibly it'd be 6:1 odds on the Makuta but since he is, well, the Makuta those odds even out, plus, he's a good guy now so it kinda swings it around to at least 3:1 odds in the Toa's favor but, well, they have beaten him before, but then, he's the good guy so—

 

(The fight continues)

(Curtains)


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#12 Offline OctoPahrak Traveler

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Posted Mar 29 2018 - 11:18 PM

10/10, one of the best things I've ever read, KUTGW x20


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#13 Offline tamaru34

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Posted Mar 30 2018 - 12:15 AM

This is hilarious!
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Evil knows, that hope is afloat.
 
Where life is enslaved, all can be saved.
 
Light will unite, what now darkness divides.
 
Spark the flame of the heart
 
FOR THE FUTURE TO START.
 
 
Read my epic G2 fanfic, Beyond Okoto, and find out what happened after the Toa left Okoto!
 

#14 Offline Ta-metru_defender

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Posted Apr 04 2018 - 06:17 PM

Act III

 

Scene I -Bula Berry Bar Balcony, a watering hole frequented by heroes and hero-like beings. Best known for having an outdoor patio overlooking the Le-Wahi jungle.
 

(Vorahk brings over a round of Bula Berry Brew for the assembled Rahkshi.)

 

GUURAHK: (Grabbing his beer and downing it in a single gulp) Can't believe I put a hundred widgets against Dad.

 

PANRAHK: Yeah, see, that's all on you.

 

GUURAHK: It's just... (GUURAHK walks away from the table and leans on a recently installed guard rail) I guess I'm so used to Dad always losing that, y'know, force of habit.

 

PANRAHK: Yeah, man, it's gonna take some time to get used to.

 

VORAHK: And Dad whooped those Toa.

 

GUURAHK: That was pretty dope.

 

LEHRAHK: Worth the hundred widgets?

 

GUURAHK: Just about. (He pats the guard rail thoughtfully). Say, these things are pretty great huh?

 

(A chorus of agreements)

 

 

 

Scene II - A Sketchy Bar in The Wilds of Po-Wahi. Best known for a bartender who only serves Madu Cabolo Tequila no matter what you order.
 

(The Toa are in their booth. Yes, their booth, to their (especially Onua's) chagrin, they have become regulars.)

 

GALI: How did we lose?

 

ONUA: It was six on one! Is being a villain this hard?

 

POHATU: (aside) Honestly, I always thought it was our numbers advantage that had him beat.

 

ONUA: Takanuva really needs to come back from his little vision quest.

 

TAHU: Perhaps we were fools to attack him directly!

 

LEWA: Yes! Subterfuge is key! Divide and conquer, don't attack The Makuta directly but chip away at what gives him his strength.

 

GALI: Slowly destroy his will to live...

KOPAKA: ...

 

GALI: So that was a) incredibly dark and 2) very detailed and I don't know where we're going to find an electrocution kit quite that intricate. Though I suppose we could wire on together if we tried hard enough...

 

TAHU: The first part of that plan is solid, though! Shall we!

 

POHATU: I do like unspoken plans.

 

LEWA: Let's go!

 

(The Toa exeunt, once again leaving Ahkmou alone.)

 

AHKMOU: I suppose I should have seen this coming.

 

 

Scene III - A Street in Po-Koro.
 

(Turahk walks along, enjoying the pleasant day and temperate albeit desert-y weather.)

 

TUURAHK: I do enjoy this pleasant day and temperate albeit desert-y weather! (Something shiny catches his eye) Oh hey, what's this? (He bends over.) Oh, just a penny. (He walks on, but something else catches his eye) Woah, a chrome widget? I thought they stopped making things in chrome! (He bends over to pick it up. A large box promptly falls on him and traps him) Oh Karz.

 

 

Scene IV - Mangaia. You know it, you love it.
 

(The Makuta sits at a table, the other participant in shadow.)

 

MAKUTA: The battle was one for the history books. Though the Toa came at me with all their might, they could not prevail, my power proved too strong. I had no need of my loyal Rahkshi. This power is magnificent; heroism truly has its boons. I invite you, now, to stand with me. Stand with me to protect the Matoran and fend off the Toa! Stand with me to defend this island!


 

(Before anyone can respond, a Messenger runs up and hands a letter to the Makuta.)

 

MAKUTA: What matter of message is this? Behold, it is from those wily Toa! What foul deeds have they done? I shall read this letter. "Dear Makuta, our vengeance will be swift. Leave Mata-Nui and we will go no further. Stay, and consider this a warning shot. Sincerely, The Toa." What madness is this that these Toa think that I can be scared off so rapidly? Oh, what's this, "PS: See enclosed"? I shall look further in this envelope. By the Silver Sea, they have captured my son, Tuurahk! And severed his finger and sent it to me with a photograph of the Rahkshi! Here too is a note from my son: "Hey Dad, I'm afraid I messed up." My son, my son, what have these monsters done to you? My son... This villainy will not stand! My friends, are you with me? Will you join me against these toa?

 

(From the shadows come two large beings, one red, one blue: The Bahrag)

 

CAHDOK: Why yes, Makuta, we would love to help you.

 

GAHDOK: Anything for you, darling, anything at all.

 

MAKUTA: Then let us find these nefarious Toa!


Edited by Ta-metru_defender, Apr 04 2018 - 06:20 PM.

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#15 Offline Vrokorta

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Posted Apr 05 2018 - 05:21 PM

This story is highly amusing. It surprises me how this is a comedy yet it's so story heavy (for a comedy). I like it.


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#16 Offline OctoPahrak Traveler

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Posted Apr 05 2018 - 09:47 PM

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, Bahrag.  This continues to be marvelous!


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#17 Offline Ta-metru_defender

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Posted Apr 11 2018 - 08:35 PM

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, Bahrag.  This continues to be marvelous!

It's mah-velous, darling.

 

 

 

Scene V - Po-Wahi Desert. Lots of sand and rocks. But not Earth, that's Onu-Wahi.
 

(Kuurahk, Panrahk, and Guurahk rest against a rock. Occasionally one of them peaks over.)

 

KUURAHK: I cannot believe those Toa got Tuurahk! It makes me so mad!

 

PANRAHK: Good thing we put his finger on ice, though. Will make attaching it back on much easier.

 

GUURAHK: Just gotta push it until you hear that click.

PANRAHK: So are we organic too?

 

GUURAHK: Honestly, I don't know. Leave the philosophy to the Ko-Matorans.

 

Scene VI - Ko-Koro

(Kopeke sits at the edge of a snowy cliff)

 

KOPEKE: But if the Makuta truly is nothing then what is he the absence of? Because nothingness is nothingness, that is, the lack of anything, then is it really possible to be nothing? Air is a thing, if the Le-Matoran are anything to go by, and the silver Nuhvok thing showed that vacuum could be controlled, but nothingness is marked by being the absence of anything. So can anything truly be nothingness?

 

TEHUTTI: (Who has been sitting next to him this whole time) Or maybe it was figurative and he just wanted to sound really cool?

 

KOPEKE: Oh, yeah, that's a possibility.

 

(Beat.)

 

TEHUTTI: Well. Not the worst date I've been on.

 

Scene VII - Po-Wahi Desert. We were just here.
 

(Kuurahk, Panrahk, and Guurahk are still against a rock.)

 

PANRAHK: Anything happen yet?

 

(Kuurahk pops his head over)

 

KUURAHK: Nope. Not yet.

 

 

(Elsewhere in the desert are the Toa. And Tuurahk with a bag over his head.)

 

TUURAHK: So, uh, about this bag.

 

LEWA: Nope, not taking off.

 

TUURAHK: What about a mouth hole?

 

LEWA: Your head's, like, all mouth.

 

TUURAHK: And your's is all face!

 

LEWA: I don't see how that's a problem!

 

TUURAHK: Neither do I! We're different and that's okay!

 

LEWA: So why are we arguing?

 

TUURAHK: I still have a bag on my head!

 

TAHU: Silence! Kopaka; do you see them?

 

KOPAKA: (He uses his mask.) ...

 

TAHU: What do you mean when you look down you can see a city far below us and a whole network of tunnels and underground islands in a vageuly humanoid shape?

 

KOPAKA: ...

 

TAHU: Why were you even looking down?

 

POHATU: (Switching to his Akaku) Woah, he's right. I feel like this is a spoiler for something that's gonna happen later. You guys should check this out.

 

TUURAHK: I would but I've a bag on my head.

 

ONUA: Not you.

 

TUURAHK: Oh.

 

(Back with the rest of the Rahkshi)

 

PANRAHK: They're all looking down for some reason.

 

GUURAHK: Man, Toa are weird.

 

PANRAHK: No kidding.

 

(There's a noise in the distance. Panrahk pops his head over. The Makuta arrives, flanked by the Bahrag Queens)

 

PANRAHK: They're heeeere...

 

KUURAHK: So we're working with the Bahrag again.

 

GUURAHK: It's always nice to see mom again.

 

PANRAHK: Wait, mom?

 

GUURAHK: Did no one tell you? Cahdok's my, Kuurahk, and Lehrahk's mom. Tuurahk, Vorahk, and your mom is Gahdok. We're a real blended family.

 

PANRAHK: Who told you that?

 

GUURAHK: Lehrahk.

 

KUURAHK: Of course he did.

 

PANRAHK: The Bahrag aren't our moms, dude.

 

KUURAHK: Yeah, Dad's our mom.

 

GUURAHK: No, Dad's our dad. 

 

KUURAHK: And our mom. He's both.

 

GUURAHK: That doesn't make any sense?

 

PANRAHK: Are you telling me that that (he points to the Makuta) and that (he points at the Bahrag) somehow made this (he points to himself)?

 

GUURAHK: Well where else do Kraata come from?

 

KUURAHK: (Rubbing his forehead) Did no one tell you?

 

GUURAHK: Tell me what?

 

(Meanwhile, with Makuta and the Bahrag)

 

GAHDOK: Oh darling, it's simply mah-velous to be out in the sun again.

 

CAHDOK: My skin was getting quite ashen in that underground lair of ours, sister. I must say I'm so thankful to be outside with you, Maky.

 

GAHDOK: Yes, so glad to be outside darling. Will we get to see your delightful sons again?

 

CAHDOK: You've done such a wonderful job raising them.

 

MAKUTA: It is for my son that we now march on the Toa. They have taken my son and severed his finger from his hand. That is not something that will be easily overlooked. My queens, summon your swarms.

 

GAHDOK: I thought you'd never ask, Maky. Sister?

CAHDOK: Of course. Darlings! Come along now!

 

(A rumbling. Meanwhile, the Rahkshi are still in the middle of an Important Discussion)

 

PANRAHK: Honestly, the Bahrag are unrelated aunts if we're gonna assign them any role.

 

KUURAHK: You feel that shaking?

 

(They rise and turn to the side. A swarm approaches. A swarm of...)

 

GUURAHK: Cousins!

(Enter: The Bohrok)

 

(Curtains)

 


Edited by Ta-metru_defender, Apr 11 2018 - 08:56 PM.

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#18 Offline OctoPahrak Traveler

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Posted Apr 12 2018 - 09:18 PM

Glad that distinction between rocks and Earth was made, though that mention of sand does confuse me.

 

Also Kopeke X Tehutti 5ever


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#19 Offline Ta-metru_defender

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Posted Apr 18 2018 - 05:50 PM

Re-reading some of these I realize how important it is to go over things and edit them before you hit post. Least that's what I'd do if this was serious.

 

Onwards! Typos and all! And getting my Bohrok Kal confused!

 

WRITER'S NOTE: The Bohrok are creatures of the Swarm, and as such operate under a hive mind. Whenever an action or dialogue is attributed to "BOHROK" (or any of the subspecies), it is entirely up to the reader's judgement as to whether it refers to three of the creatures or two hundred.

 

Act IV

 

Scene I - The entrance to Onu-Wahi, where it's less rock and more earth and mostly underground
 

(Pohatu, bringing up the rear, slides into the cave behind the other Toa. Tuurahk is thrown on the ground)

 

TUURAHK: Hey, gentle with the hostage!

 

POHATU: Not these guys again!

 

ONUA: Right? Ugh, I thought we were done with them!

 

POHATU: Seriously! Who decides "hey, we're done with this antagonist, let's just do them again!"

 

LEWA: Are you talking about our current predicament?

 

GALI: I think he meant the Bohrok Kal.

 

POHATU: It can be two things!

 

(Pohatu summons a wall of rock. The sound of crashing hits the other side.)

 

ONUA: We need a plan!

 

(Everyone turns to Kopaka)

 

KOPAKA: ...

 

TAHU: Now is not the time for silence!

 

KOPAKA: ...

 

TAHU: There we go, that's more like it!

 

 

Scene II - Outside the entrance to Onu-Wahi (where it's less rock and more earth and mostly underground)
 

(Bohrok work against the stone wall. Makuta and the Bahrag observe)

 

BOHROK: Clean! It must be cleaned!

 

BOHROK: We just wanna clean! Do you have stuff to clean?

 

BOHROK: We do laundry too!

 

BOHROK: Clean it all until it's clean!

 

BOHROK: Yes sparkly clean yes clean!

 

MAKUTA: Your Bohrok are most impressive, my queens. Most impressive.

 

CAHDOK: Oh, we always knew as much, Maky.

 

GAHDOK: As if there was any doubt, dah-ling.

 

MAKUTA: I must confess, though, the way you two do speak. It does concern me slightly.

 

CAHDOK: Why ever would you say that?

 

GAHDOK: Yes, what's the issue?

 

MAKUTA: You fawn and adore me, but you two are, save that conniving blue Toa, the only two prominent female characters in my tale. For you to be so worries that all like you might be cast into such a foul light. For I am great and all powerful, but I do hope that you have lives outside of me.

 

CAHDOK: But would we ever, Maky, not when we have you.

 

GAHDOK: The Makuta for us to follow! It's a dream come through!

 

CAHDOK: Just because we're like this doesn't mean all female characters are, dah-ling.

 

GAHDOK: Yes, it's just us who have our penchant for your mahvelous schemes!

 

CAHDOK: I'm sure it wouldn't be as noticeable if there were other female characters, dahling.

 

GAHDOK: But aside from the Matoran it's really slim pickings.

 

CAHDOK: It's almost as if this world was designed to appeal to eight year old boys without a terribly clear idea of gender balance, dahling.

 

MAKUTA: But here we are nontheless. You and your swarms serve me, you are satellites of my orbit.

 

GAHDOK: As it should be, darling.

 

CAHDOK: Now, you were talking about our swarms?

 

MAKUTA: Yes, it is only a matter of time until we break through!

 

BOHROK: (Knocking on the stonewall) Housekeeping! Just gotta replace the shampoo!

 

BOHROK: It'll be quick, really! You can keep the little bottles you found in the fridge!

 

BOHROK: Clean it all!

 

(A crack forms in the wall. A white flag waves from within.)

 

GAHDOK: Why, dahling, it looks as if they're surrendering.

 

CAHDOK: All will tremble before the mighty Makuta and his queens!

 

MAKUTA: From whence did they procure a white flag?

 

(Enter: Hahli)

 

HAHLI: You gotta hit the East Garden in Ga-Wahi and collect twenty seaweed. You then bring that seaweed to Shasa the Weaver and she'll make you a sailcloth. Given that it's white and fabricy it could plausibly be used as a flag. Though how those Toa got one on such short notice is beyond me. (Exit)

 

GAHDOK: The mystery deepens!

 

MAKUTA: Call of your swarms, my queens; let us discuss the terms of surrender.

 

CAHDOK: Bohrok, slow your roll, darlings.

 

BOHROK: But there's cleaning!

 

BOHROK: So much to be cleaned!

 

BOHROK: Maybe if we wait now there'll be more cleaning later!

 

BOHROK: Yay cleaning!

 

(The Bohrok slow their roll. Pohatu brings down the stone wall. The Toa stride out, flanked on both sides by Bohrok)

 

LEWA: Oh hello, Bohrok.

 

BOHROK: Hello stain!

 

BOHROK: We're going to clean you soon!

 

BOHROK: Oh we can't have you waking around, no we can't.

 

POHATU: Creepy little things, aren't they?

 

LEWA: I liked them better when they just said 'chikt'

 

POHATU: That's just 'clean' in Bohrok speak. Remember when we taught them Matoran?

 

LEWA: We had way too much time on our hands.

 

MAKUTA: I see you have come to offer your surrender, Toa.

 

TAHU: We request a parlay!

 

MAKUTA: And why would I parlay with you, Toa? When I could crush you with a snap of my fingers.

 

GAHDOK: I do hope he snaps his fingers.

 

CAHDOK: It's always great when he does that!

 

TAHU: What do you have to gain by defeating us?

 

MAKUTA: Peace in our time! At last the Matoran will be free of your meddlesome designs! Think of the art and culture they could create when no longer threatened by the likes of you!

 

TAHU: And what would you do?

 

MAKUTA: Rule over it all! Be the arbiter of disputes, ensure the safety of my protectorate!

 

TAHU: Yeah, that sounds pretty boring.

 

MAKUTA: There is no monotony in peace! It is the final goal of all.

 

POHATU: But defeating us here is a really lousy end to a story. You've got us outnumbered and all. Not really saving the day, are you?

 

CAHDOK: The brown one makes a good point, darling.

 

POHATU: Hey, it's stone.

 

MAKUTA: Very well, Toa, you may walk for now. Return me my son and I will show you mercy.

 

GAHDOK: Isn't he benevolent?

 

TAHU: So it shall be. Release Tuurahk.

 

(Tahu looks to Kopaka. Kopaka looks to Gali. Gali looks to Lewa. Lewa looks to Pohatu. Pohatu looks to Onua. Onua looks to Tahu. Tahu looks to Gali. Gali looks to Pohatu. Pohatu looks to Kopaka. Kopaka looks to Onua. Onua looks to—)

 

MAKUTA: (thunderous) Where is my son?

 

 

Scene III - Back in the entrance to Onu-Wahi, remember here?
 

(Tuurahk lies on the ground, tied up with a bag on his head)

 

TUURAHK: Nah, there's no way they forgot about me.


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I still believe in us together
You and I we're here together now


#20 Offline OctoPahrak Traveler

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Posted Apr 21 2018 - 11:04 PM

HAHLI: You gotta hit the East Garden in Ga-Wahi and collect twenty seaweed. You then bring that seaweed to Shasa the Weaver and she'll make you a sailcloth. Given that it's white and fabricy it could plausibly be used as a flag. Though how those Toa got one on such short notice is beyond me.

 

Glad to see I'm not the only one who won't let MNOGII live it down


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#21 Offline Ta-metru_defender

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Posted May 02 2018 - 09:19 PM

After a week off, we're back! With an update where anything could happen! And I mean anything, I haven't even written it yet so who knows where we'll end up? I don't even know if I'll finally spell these Rahkshi's names right!

 

 

Scene IV - Mangaia, the Lair of The Benevolent Makuta. Due to recent developments it is spotless.
 

(Bohrok adjust the angle of art on the wall, sweep up dirt off the floor and ceiling, dust statues)

 

BOHROK: Clean it all!

 

BOHROK: Yes, yes, it must be cleaned!

 

BOHROK: Absolutely spotless!

 

(Enter Makuta. Bohrok follow him cleaning up the dirt he's tracking in from outside.)

 

MAKUTA: And so sets another day upon Mata Nui, another day of peace and prosperity. Look how the Matoran toil at their tasks so dutifully; how the Onu-Matoran reach below the island in search of rare materials, how the Po-Matoran carve effigies of my form, how the Ga-Matoran reap the seas of its bounty, how the Ko-Matoran ponder the mysteries of the world, how the Ta-Matoran protect all from those foul Toa, how the Le-Matoran do whatever it is they do in their trees. All is well in my realm, all is at peace.

(He rests his arm against a statue. Bohrok prop it back up to a perfectly upright position.)

 

MAKUTA: Yes, indeed, all is well. All is well.

 

Scene VI - Outside the Turaga Hut in Ta-Koro
 

(Turahk sits on the ledge, watching the lava falls tumble. He rummages in a pouch and withdraws a twig. He uses the heat of the lava to light it on fire before putting the unlit end in his mouth. He sighs.)

 

TURAHK: I swear to Arthaka, if I have to hear Tiribomba go on about some other lousy dispute...

 

(He looks at his hand and his new finger. It's yellow. Which doesn't match the rest of his hand. Seems like it was dragged out of a parts bin.)

 

TURAHK: Maybe I'm not cut out for the village leadership thing...

 

(Kurahk enters, flying)

 

KURAHK: Yo, did you know there's only one 'u' in your name?

 

TURAHK: Of course I did. Why did you bring it up?

 

KURAHK: Dunno. (A beat) So I was thinking.

 

TURAHK: Those Ko-Matoran are rubbing off on you.

 

KURAHK: Those Ko-Matoran want to know if I'm Rahkshi or if I'm Kraata.

 

TURAHK: Huh. That's a question.

 

(They stare at the lava falls, lost in thought. Turahk's makeshift cigarette hangs from the Rahkshi's mouth)

 

KURAHK: But like I said, thinking.

 

TURAHK: Yes, thinking.

 

KURAHK: I don't know if I want to do this whole village elder thing.

 

TURAHK: I'm afraid I don't either.

 

KURAHK: But you know who would be?

 

TURAHK: The Bohrok-Kal?

 

(They burst out laughing)

 

TURAHK: Okay, seriously though, who?

 

KURAHK: We need someone with management experience.

 

TURAHK: Chroniclers company? I know Hafu runs a sweatshop to make those Hafu Originals®.

 

KURAHK: Think bigger!

 

TURAHK: Dude, the Manas are remote controlled. Remember?

 

KURAHK: Of course I remember! We got to control them against the Toa!

 

TURAHK: Such fun.

 

KURAHK: That Kaita thing was really unfair though.

 

TURAHK: Seriously.

 

KURAHK: But not Manas! We need...

 

TURAHK: Out with it already, you know I don't like anticipation.

 

KURAHK: We need the Turaga!

 

TURAHK: Aren't they on sabbatical?

 

Scene V - The Ocean, miles from land.
 

(Vakama sits on the edge of a large catamaran, a pipe in his mouth, fishing rod in his hands. It shakes! Is it a nibble? No, wait, just the current. He sighs.)

 

VAKAMA: Not even a nibble.

 

(Onewa comes out of the boat's cabin and sits down next to Vakama.)

 

VAKAMA: How's Whenua?

 

ONEWA: Still not onboard with this whole boat thing. Matau's trying to make an illusion that he's on land, but, alas.

 

VAKAMA: This is the last time we let Nokama plan our sabbatical.

 

ONEWA: (Taking a drag from Vakama's pipe) Actually this was Nuju's idea. Nokama wanted a staycation.

 

VAKAMA: Well howabout that. (His reel starts shaking) Oh! I might finally have a fish!

 

(Vakama starts to reel, Onewa helps him. It's a struggle, but they're winning. They're getting to and it's...)

 

TURAHK: Hey, trying to swim here.

 

VAKAMA: Rahkshi! Foul beast!

 

KURAHK: (Emerging from the water) Hey, we're good guys now.

 

ONEWA: Can't y'all fly? Why were you swimming?

 

TURAHK: Didn't want to frighten you.

 

ONEWA: Oh, good job.

 

VAKAMA: Why do you interrupt our sabbatical?

 

TURAHK: Turaga, we've come to offer you a job.

 

(Vakama and Onewa consider this. From the cabin comes the sound of Whenua barfing.)

 

VAKAMA: Go on.

 

(Curtains)

 

 

 


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#22 Offline OctoPahrak Traveler

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Posted May 03 2018 - 11:27 PM

So not only did the Toa take Turahk's finger, they took a whole letter from his name?!  What vile fiends!


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#23 Offline Master Inika

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Posted May 13 2018 - 09:51 PM

I just discovered this, and I have to say it's phenomenal. Great concept and great execution. Keep up the awesome work.


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#24 Offline Ta-metru_defender

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Posted May 16 2018 - 11:00 PM

...Keep up the awesome work.

Keep up the awesome work? You must be new here, it's KUTGW or nothing.

 

Act V

 

Scene I - Ta-Koro, the village that's all fire and rock and stuff.

 

(Lights come up Stage Right, towards stage left is a large door – the entrance to the Turaga's hut)
 

(Tiribomba and Nuhrii enter the antechamber.)

 

TIRIBOMBA: I don't care if you feel like mask making is your calling! That doesn't give you the right to melt my copper Huna and try and make something new.

 

NUHRII: But I did make something new! I made a great copper Huna!

 

TIRIBOMBA: Whadaya mean great, it was a pretty lousy Huna.

 

NUHRII: No it was a Great Huna. Not a Noble one.

 

TIRIBOMBA: Of course it wasn't a noble Huna, that thing looked like garbage! I don't see why you think it was so great though.

 

NUHRII: You know how you wear a Ruru?

 

TIRIBOMBA: Yep.

NUHRII: It's a Noble one.

 

TIRIBOMBA: Right, like Turaga Whenua's.

 

NUHRII: So if there's a Noble version there's gotta be a Great version, right?

 

TIRIBOMBA: Presumably.

 

NUHRII: And that mask I made was a Great Huna.

 

TIRIBOMBA: It was a bad Huna!

 

NUHRII: That is why we're here for arbitration! Lord Turahk will take care of all our problems!

 

(They open the door.)

 

(Lights go off Stage Left, spot lights go on Center Stage, only illuminating Nuhrii and Tiribomba. We are in an Antechamber)

 

TIRIBOMBA: Lord Turahk! We have come for a dispute to be settled!

 

NUHRII: Indeed! Tiribomba needs convincing that this is a Great Huna!

 

TIRIBOMBA: And I believe it is a Lousy Huna!

 

​(More lights illuminate Center Stage. Standing at the antechamber is not Turahk but rather, Turaga Vakama)

 

VAKAMA: You have an issue?

 

NUHRII: Wait, Vakama?

 

VAKAMA: Are you surprised?

 

TIRIBOMBA: Are you sure you're not a less scaly and creepy Turahk?

 

VAKAMA: Quite.

 

NUHRII: So what are you doing here?

 

VAKAMA: I have been instated in an adjunct position to process any and all concerns before passing them up the chain. I am especially equipped for property disputes and handing art related law. For philosophical matters, turn to Nuju in Ko-Koro, for–

 

NURHII: This is an art related issue!

 

VAKAMA: Ah, yes, please, tell me of your woes.

 

TIRIBOMBA: Nuhrii thinks he made a great mask but I think it's pretty lousy.

 

NUHRII: I saw this mask in a dream that was like a half-forgotten memory! It is a Huna, a Great Huna!

 

(Nuhrii proudly displays the mask. Vakama becomes visibly uncomfortable at the sight of it)

 

VAKAMA: I, uh, have no idea what that mask is, nope, none at all. A Great Huna? Madness, what will they think of next? A Toa who gave Jaller his Hau? An underground city? All foolishness.

 

NUHRII: But Turaga! I demand my case to be heard!

 

VAKAMA: I'm afraid I'm going to have to send this up the chain, guys.

 

(Vakama rings a bell. Kapura appears.)

 

VAKAMA: I have a dispute, uh, out of my control.

 

KAPURA: Understood, Turaga. 

 

(Kapura heads Stage Left. Lights go down. Lights up Stage Left. We're behind the Turaga's hut, overlooking the Lava Falls. Turahk sits there, cigarette hanging in his mouth).

 

KAPURA: Sir Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, sir.

 

TURAHK: It's one 'u,' Kapura.

 

KAPURA: Yes sir Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, sir.

 

TURAHK: Yes?

 

KAPURA: Nuhrii and Tiribomba are having a dispute about a mask.

 

TURAHK: (resting his head in his temples) Show them in.

 

(Kapura opens the door, Nuhrii and Tiribomba enter)

 

NUHRII: This is a great mask!

 

TIRIBOMBA: This is a lousy mask!

 

TURAHK: Yes, yes, I've heard, allow me to make your troubles disappear. Hand over the mask.

 

(Nuhrii hands Turahk the (Great?) Huna. Turahk tosses it over his shoulder)

 

TURAHK: There, the mask is no more. Tiribomba, compensate Nuhrii financially for the loss of his mask.

 

TIRIBOMBA: But it's right there behind your foot!

TURAHK: The mask is no more! Nuhrii, don't make this again. Please.

 

NUHRII: But–

 

TURAHK: Dismissed!

 

(Exeunt Nuhrii and Tiribomba, Stage Right)

 

TURAHK: There, handled.

 

(He picks up the (Great?) Huna and dusts it off. It's actually not that bad, now that he looks at it. All shiny and coppery. Would be a shame for it to go to waste. He hands it to Kapura.)

 

TURAHK: For a job well done.

 

KAPURA: (Eyes lighting up) Really? Thank you, sir, Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, sir.


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#25 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted May 17 2018 - 05:20 AM

Always nice to see the Turaga-Rahkshi bonding with their subjects. New shiny mask for Kapura :D

Eager to see where this goes next!


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#26 Offline OctoPahrak Traveler

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Posted May 17 2018 - 10:32 PM

I see Kapura's slow in more departments than one


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#27 Offline Master Inika

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Posted May 25 2018 - 07:54 PM

Awesome episode. Can't wait for the next update. Honestly, I'd read five more episodes just like this in each other village.


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#28 Offline Ta-metru_defender

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Posted May 30 2018 - 11:32 PM

Honestly, I'd read five more episodes just like this in each other village.

Oh but can you imagine how mad the production manager would be at having to stage that?

 

 

Act V

 

Scene II - Mata-Nui, in Abstract

 

(One by one, lights come on over six vignettes. The first, is Ta-Wahi, a fire burning over black stone. Next to it arises Ko-Wahi, a small glacier. Then Ga-Wahi, a waterfall rendered in miniature. Next is Po-Wahi, a large tan stone surrounded by dirt. Next is Onu-Wahi, a, uh, large stone with, um, a large hole in it and earth around it. Finally, Le-Wahi; a cluster of shrubbery. The tableau remains undisturbed for a few minutes, perhaps some soft ambient sounds play.)

 

(Onto stage walk Bohrok)

 

(They are our CHORUS)

 

BOHROK: It has been many months since The Makuta has declared himself good.

 

BOHROK: And in turn the Toa bad.

 

BOHROK: He is the protector of the Matoran, defender of the island of Mata Nui.

 

BOHROK: He has reinstated the Turaga as the châtelains of the Koro in service of the Rahkshi.

 

BOHROK: The Matoran live in tranquility, able to go about their lives and pursue their vocations.

 

BOHROK: The Rahi are quelled and trade of ideas and goods thrives amongst the Koro.

 

BOHROK: The Toa have retreated to parts unknown and disturb the Matoran not.

 

BOHROK: The Bohrok-

 

BOHROK: -great and wonderful Bohrok-

 

BOHROK: -under the guide of the Bahrag work to make life easier for the inhabitants of the island.

 

BOHORK: A golden age is upon us.

 

BOHROK: The island thrives.

 

BOHROK: Mata Nui has never known a peace such as this.

 

BOHROK: Why, then, is its ruler filled with such consternation?

 

 

Scene III - Mangaia, the one, the only.

 

(The Makuta sits on his throne. The rest of the stage is shadow, the black cloth being the only backdrop.)

 

MAKUTA: There is now nothing that threatens this island or its inhabitants. I have seen to it that all have been done away with. And yet, peace bears such monotony. What has happened to the spice that is life? Why must all the concerns of the island be that of domestic squabbles, ones so easily dealt with by my sons and their Turaga? I live a life free of concern, free of strife. Free of conflict.

 

(He rises, and walks downstage, staring out into the crowd, searching.)

 

MAKUTA: Is there anyone out there who can challenge me? Is there any who can dare to attack me and the island I protect? Does someone yet breathe who dares to threaten the Makuta? (He waits for a response, none come) I thought not.

 

(He sits back on his throne, rests his elbows on his knees, and hunches forward.)

 

MAKUTA: There is no one.

 

 

(Slowly, the light fades until a single, narrow beam of light shines on him.)

 

(It winks out.)

 

Scene IV - The Beaches of Po-Wahi

 

(It is calm. Water gently laps the shore. A ship beaches along the shore, a silhouette rides it.)

 

(The silhouette disembarks)

 

TAKANUVA: Let it be witnessed herewith that I, Takanuva, have returned to Mata Nui to ensue the commencement of rectifying the malignant reign of the Makuta! (He slams his staff into the ground). And, in addendum, I have brought with me companions to assist in my efforts!

 

(From off the ship come six more beings, battered, hastily repaired, but it is unmistakable who they are...)

 

TAKANUVA: Come with me, Bohrok Kal, and Mata Nui will forthwith be ours!

 

(Curtains)


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#29 Offline OctoPahrak Traveler

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Posted May 31 2018 - 08:31 PM

Timeskip!  When this is adapted for TV will this part be labelled Good Makuta, Bad Toa Z?

 

Also dying to see a performance where one of the audience members actually does stand up and threaten Makuta, curious to see what would happen


Edited by Pahrak #0579, May 31 2018 - 08:32 PM.

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#30 Offline Ta-metru_defender

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Posted Jun 27 2018 - 10:40 PM

Timeskip!  When this is adapted for TV will this part be labelled Good Makuta, Bad Toa Z?


No, this is meant to only be performed in community theatres as part of a two-part show.

 

On that note, we're back!

 

Act VI

 

Scene I - Po-Wahi at dusk, lots of stoney ground everywhere, the light is haunting.

 

(Rows and rows of TAHNOK march forth)

 

TAHNOK: WE WILL CLEAN IT ALL

TAHNOK: THE ISLAND SHALL BE CLEANED

 

TAHNOK: THINGS WILL BE DONE

 

(From amidst the swarm rises TURAHK, the Rahkshi of Fear. He raises his staff over his head.)

 

TURAHK: Forward, Tahnok! And the day will be ours!

 

(Against them stalwartly stands NUHVOK-KAL, shiny and chrome, albeit a bit battered as if crushed by gravity in a big way and now un-crushed.)

 

NUHVOK-KAL: You lead the Tahnok against me, Turahk? You are bits of straw challenging a whirlwind... (His hand shields glow) A little less gravity and the swarm flies away! They will be safe – in orbit – until I need them!

 

(The Tahnok rise into the air)

 

TAHNOK: OH, THIS REALLY IS TOO BAD

 

TAHNOK: MAYBE ORBIT NEEDS TO BE CLEANED

 

TAHNOK: CLEAN ORBIT YES WE WILL CLEAN THE ORBIT

 

TURAHK: No!

 

NUHVOK-KAL: (Cackle) And as for you... A little more gravity and—

 

TURAHK: Not so fast! (Turahk leaps forwards, going into flight mode, and zooms at Nuhvok-Kal. The Bohrok(-Kal) is caught by surprise; Turahk's stabs him with his staff) Now you shall know fear!

 

(The glow around Nuhvok-Kal's hand shields sputters. The Tahnok fall from the air)

 

 

TAHNOK: NEVER MIND WE AREN'T GOING TO CLEAN ORBIT

 

TAHNOK: BUT IT IS STILL SO DIRTY

 

TAHNOK IT'S OKAY WE CAN STILL CLEAN THE ISLAND


TAHNOK: YAAAAAAAY

 

NUHVOK-KAL: What is this? No, so small. Everything crushing in around me, making me feel small, tiny, cramped. Is this claustrophobia? Is this madness? Is this an overabundance of pressure? What can offer me relief, what can ease this suffering? I am crushed once more, the nexus of a black hole; all is closing in, all grows dark...

 

(A flash of LIGHT. Takanuva appears.)

 

TAKANUVA: It appears that you have been over come by Turahk, the red Rahkshi's power of fear. I cannot allow this to continue lest it interfere with my plans of conquer. Begone, foul creature!

 

(Takanuva lowers his staff at Turahk. A burst of light, the Rahkshi is sent flying back. Turahk struggles up; another blast sends him back to the ground. He doesn't try to get back up.)

 

TAHNOK: OUR LEADER

 

TAHNOK: WHO WILL LEAD US TO CLEAN NOW


TAHNOK: WE SHALL AVENGE HIM IN TIME

 

TAKANUVA: Come, Bohrok-Kal; spending our time fighting the Sons of Makuta is a pointless effort. Instead, we should attack what they value, including but not limited to their Koro.

 

NUHVOK-KAL: Oh I like the plan.

 

(Exeunt Takanuva and Nuhvok-Kal)

 

TURAHK: (Weakly, pushing himself up to his knees) No, not the Matoran. Kapura!

 

KAPURA: (Appearing) Yessir, Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Turahk, sir?

 

TURAHK: They are coming! Warn them!

 

KAPURA: Yes sir, Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Turahk, sir. But what of you?

 

TURAHK: Warn them! I must rest for now.

 

(Kapura takes one look back at the Rahkshi, then disappears)


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#31 Offline OctoPahrak Traveler

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Posted Jun 28 2018 - 07:01 PM

Sounds like Takanuva's really embraced the villain role.  Interested in seeing where this goes!


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#32 Offline Podu

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Posted Jul 05 2018 - 01:33 AM

This just keeps getting better. I hope Makuta gets to rematch Takanuva in Kohlii now that he is on the righteous side :P

Edited by Podu, Jul 05 2018 - 01:33 AM.

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