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Review: Right of Law

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This is where you can post reviews for my epic Right of Law.  I’ll also be using it as a database of sorts, to help keep track of all the key points of this universe to (hopefully) prevent any confusion.  I’ll do my best to keep it updated as we go—and if you have any questions or things you think should be added to this database, please let me know!
 
An important thing to note: this story is a follow-up to a short story entitled The Gargoyle Knight, which is essentially a prologue and might be worth reading.  I’m trying to explain its events as I refer to them, but I don’t want to derail a whole chapter to repeat things I’ve already written out.
 
This story takes place in the Melding Universe.  Rather than creating the Great Spirit Robot, the Great Beings instead created Matoran and Toa to fix Spherus Magna before it had the chance to shatter.  Here, Toa are the small ones while Matoran are larger and physically stronger, and we’ve seen counterparts to existing characters such as Toa Macku and Helryx the Ga-Matoran.  The Great Beings thus continued to rule over Spherus Magna as they used to long ago.  At some point they created the Makuta, who purged themselves of all darkness and have gone on to become loyal and noble servants of the Great Beings’ will.  It was visited in the official story when Mazeka and Vultraz ended up in it by accident, and in the end, Vultraz was taken captive by the Great Beings, meanwhile Mazeka was sent back to the prime reality along with the Melding Universe’s Teridax.
 
Beyond this point, we get into my personal take on the universe.
 

Miscellaneous Differences Between Realities

-Matoran do not become Toa, and Turaga do not exist.  This is because the Great Beings see no need for other leaders, and if they require more Matoran or Toa, they can simply create more.
-All Toa Elements from the prime reality exist, with the exceptions of Shadow and Light and the inclusion of Sand.
-Most known Kanohi exist in this reality as well, though several of the “immoral” ones likely do not.
-Several MU locations have been recreated on Spherus Magna in new forms, such as Xia, Nynrah, Ga-Koro, and Karzahni.
-There is no Red Star, though it is theoretically possible that the Great Beings could revive their creations in a similar manner.
-The Skrall have been wiped out, and all Element-Lords save for the Sand-Lord are dead.
-“Glatorian” is used here as a species name, mainly for sake of convenience.

 
The Makuta:
The Makuta possess power over Light, and many are assigned as leaders in important areas.  They are far more involved with their respective domains than in the prime reality.  Makuta do not produce Kraata, as the Great Beings saw no need for Infected Kanohi, and so spawn Rahkshi directly rather than requiring two Kraata and a pool of energized protodermis.  There are 42 different Rahkshi powers a Makuta has access to.  Some Makuta have also been able to develop unique abilities, thought to be a result of their Adaptation powers.
 
Rahkshi Powers

-Courage
-Creation
-Purity
-Faith
-Prosperity
-Peace
-Weather Control
-Elasticity
-Heat Vision
-Telekinesis
-Teleportation
-Quick Healing
-Laser Vision
-Gravity
-Electricity
-Sonics
-Vacuum
-Plasma
-Magnetism
-Fire Resistance
-Ice Resistance
-Mind Reading
-Shapeshifting
-Darkness*
-Plant Control
-Regeneration
-Chain Lightning
-Cyclone
-Density Control
-Chameleon
-Accuracy
-Rahi Control
-Insect Control
-Stasis Field
-Limited Invulnerability
-Power Scream
-Dodge
-Silence
-Adaptation
-Slow
-Understanding
-Sleep
 
*While BS01 states that Melding Makuta do not have the power to create darkness, Melding Teridax demonstrates an identical ability upon arriving in the prime reality, therefore I see no need not to keep the power intact.

 
Known Makuta

-Teridax: (Kanohi Kraahkan) Formerly Chief Guard of the Valley of the Maze, Teridax has left for the prime reality and may never return to this one.
 
-Gorast: (Mask of Conjuring) A Guard of the Valley of the Maze known for her brutality.
 
-Vamprah: A Guard of the Valley of the Maze.
 
-Chirox: (Mask of Sensory Aptitude) A Makuta serving at the Valley of the Maze as an assistant to the Great Beings’ projects.
 
-Mutran: A Makuta serving at the Valley of the Maze as an assistant to the Great Beings’ projects.
 
-Antroz: (Kanohi Kiril) The Guardian of Xia, Antroz is known for her loyalty to the Great Beings and her obsession with honor and righteousness.  Though she has lost her sight, she has adapted to sense where people and objects are via telepathy, and thus the loss impairs her very little.  She has also developed the ability to create a physical manifestation of a person’s inner darkness, which she uses as a trial to determine the fate of condemned criminals.
 
-Krika: (Kanohi Mahiki) The Guardian of Nynrah, not especially proactive in his duties and not held in especially high regard by most.  Typically fights by rapidly extending sharp spines from his body, a mixture of Elasticity, Magnetism, and Density Control powers.
 
-Bitil: (Kanohi Faxon) Keeper of an outpost between Xia and Nynrah.  Extremely self-important and near-universally despised, Bitil has little company and has instead taken to tending an army of Rahkshi, which has led to him discovering many varied ways to alter the spawning process and create unique Rahkshi with greater sapience.  Unfortunately, his creations unnerve most who see them.
 
-Kojol: (Kanohi Rode) Guardian of Ga-Koro, a very self-important figure but truly dedicated to the preservation of her city's sanctity.  Her relationship with the Great Beings has long been strained, but to the people of Spherus Magna, she is a symbol of safety and spirituality, which has allowed her to keep her position.  She has felt it best to take a neutral role in this conflict over Zaekura.

 

-Yarion: (Kanohi Kakama) Guardian of Civitas Magna, a neat freak who deals personally with as many of the region's issues as they can, wanting to be sure that proper order is kept.

 

-Miserix: Guardian of Atero.


 
The Great Beings:
The unquestioned and beloved rulers of Spherus Magna.  Though appearing as Glatorian, they are gifted with an extraordinary intelligence that has allowed them to craft many wonderful technologies that seem like magic to others.  Their numbers include:

-Heremus, who has the highest authority

-Angonce, considered a man of the people

-Velika, vainly passionate about his creations

-Seldoa, who loathes the people she is asked to lead

Edited by Super Fighting Pahrak
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I'm not good at articulating why I like things, so I'll just say I like this and leave it at that.

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Profile picture done by Onaku.

:infected:

 

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I've been trying to find the time to read this for a while now, and I'm kicking myself for not making time earlier. I love every part of this so much. The world is as real and fleshed-out as the official storyline, and the writing style flows nicely. It didn't feel anywhere near as long as it was, in a good way. I actually found myself wishing you published the 7,000-word version of Section II. Can't wait for the next update.

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"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

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Thank you!  I've been having a lot of fun trying to figure out the world--this type of setting only asks that you take things from the original world and twist them, and Bionicle being Bionicle, it has such a vast array of things to twist.  And we've still only been to two cities!

 

Section IV is up now, following up on that outpost mentioned briefly in Section I.  The main focus is Makuta Bitil, as well as his Rahkshi, who are a very unique breed of creature.

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Great episode! All of it is well-written, but you have an oddly specific talent for writing polite conversations between Makuta. The Rahkshi were satisfyingly new and innovative, and I enjoyed comparing this Bitil to the prime reality's one. It was a good idea to have a slower episode after the last was so action-packed. Can't wait for Antroz to finally confront Angonce.

  • Upvote 1

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

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Thank you!  I've come to really enjoy writing characters who speak very eloquently, especially when the specifics of what they're saying can make the whole thing seem humorously passive-aggressive.  The Makuta are perfect for that.

 

Section V is out now, and it starts out with a good dose of such dialogue, before moving on to Antroz's meeting with Angonce.  This one is going to heavily shift the direction the story goes in from here on!

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Great episode! I think the slow ending worked. For some reason, it feels slightly anime-esque to me. I'm so pumped up for the next one. It's so surreal thinking of the Great Beings as evil, I sometimes forget this is the same universe Mazeka visited.

 

I did find one minor typo:

 

Bitil crossed his arms.  “…I shall ready my Rahkshi for battle.  If more of those drones arrive, we will need to be prepared.  They shall not breech my walls!”

 

*breach

  • Upvote 1

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

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Ah, thanks for that--it's fixed now!  I always make that mistake, I'm going to have to keep a closer eye on it going forward.

 

Section VI is up, showing Krika reach Ga-Koro and get into some unexpected trouble there.  Also, for reasons explained here, upcoming chapters may be a bit slow: I'm going to have less time to write starting very soon, and while I will try my best to stay on top of things, there's a chance that might not happen so I wanted to give a heads-up just in case.

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I was so unprepared for having a different UDD symbol, but I almost immediately realized why it was changed when I really thought about it. Such attention to detail makes this story something special. This story really messes with ideas of right and wrong in the most thought-provoking ways. My personal favorite moment was Krika's attack on Velika. As soon as I read the flying question, I knew something was about to go down. It was a good choice to include that brief, dynamic piece of action in an otherwise dialogue-heavy episode, too. Each chapter just gets me so pumped for the next.

  • Upvote 1

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

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Glad to hear it!  Section VII is up now--sorry it took a bit, but hopefully it'll be worth the wait, and I'll do my best to get VIII out soon as well.

 

I'd also like to take this time to thank the staff for Featuring this story!  It's truly an honor!

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I've been meaning to give my thoughts on this for a while, and I wanted to say I really like it. It's gotten me more into actually reading Bionicle fanfiction. It's very obvious you have a lot of knowledge of the canon, but you use that and give little twists to make your own very compelling story. I know you said you're taking a break from this one for a while, but I'm looking forward to the next chapter whenever it does come.

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MY WORD! 

This is something else! I've had to slowly pace myself so that I won't forget to stop and, you know, do life XD 

I still have a fair bit to go, but I just finished section VI and WOW! 

I'm a pretty introspective, philosophical kind of guy, and that moment when Antroz pledges to protect Zaekura was intense! I also liked Krika and Antroz's discussion about whether or not the Makuta are inherently evil-not just the actual dialogue but even how the different characters approach the issue. I'm really liking the reimagining of the different Makuta-the balance you've managed to strike between their personalities shown in the cannon and their Melding Universe moral views is honestly quite incredible. 

Can't wait to see how it goes from here! Long weekend is coming.... better pick a day to read more of this so I'll actually be productive on the other days XD

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So I got caught up on the story today. Enjoyed all the fight scenes in the most recent chapter.

Is there any particular reason you decided to go for the Sanok over Garai for Hewkii? I'll admit, I didn't remember which was which off the top of my head and assumed we were going to get a gravity vs. gravity fight until the Sanok was activated.

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Since Hewkii was here to use the Rhotuka Battle Axe I thought the Sanok would be a good fit, making the numerous Rhotuka he would be using sure to hit.  While definitely powerful, the Garai is somewhat limited: the user can't alter their own gravity, just make a target lighter or heavier, so I thought implementing weight increase as Hewkii's Rhotuka power would serve essentially the same purpose without the added need to concentrate to maintain the effect.  With that off his mind and the Sanok being a constantly active mask, Hewkii doesn't need to split his focus to utilize Kanohi powers, giving him an extra edge over Neton who had to keep a lot of things in mind and constantly adjust his power output.

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