A Story Idea

[tamaru34]

1982

The man ran. From what, he could not fathom, but he didn't dare to stop.

His boots splashed through the thick mud, as freezing rain pelted him. His car was just a few yards away... Had he seen that tree before? Was he going in circles?

He muttered incoherently, reminding himself to keep calm. He was going to survive. As long as he reached his car before that THING reached him.

Finally, he saw the silhouette of his pick-up truck in the distance. He frantically ripped open the door, hopped in, and slammed it behind him. Launching his foot to the gas pedal, he proceeded to spin the wheel of the car with his shaking hands.

As he drove through the forest road, he could hear the creature's thumping feet behind him.

Suddenly, he heard the footsteps cease. He glanced at the rear view mirror and screamed.

THE CREATURE WAS ON THE TRUCK BED.

The truck spun out of control and into a ditch as the man tried to shake his pursuer off, but to no avail. Words could not describe the terror as the man gripped the wheel, helpless as the glass of the back window shattered.

And then it was over.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What do you think? Should I write a full story for this?

Thanks

Edited April 10, 2018 by tamaru34

[Master Inika]

Not bad. It's well-written and I could follow along well, but it's pretty short for me to decide whether or not I'd keep reading for a full story. It raises a lot of questions. Obviously I wonder that the thing is. I'm also curious of the significance of 1982, and the pickup truck. I don't have enough context to really appreciate what the implications of these details could be. If this were five pages long, I'd read the first page and decide from there. I haven't noticed any dealbreakers thus far. My only real complaint is I know nothing for certain about the main character, so I don't feel concern as a reader for his fate yet.