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Destinies of the Toa Review


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3 replies to this topic

#1 Online bohrokmaster

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Posted Jul 12 2018 - 02:12 PM

ih_fanfiction_title_no4.jpg

 

Like I have said in my main topic, I am freely open for help/feedback or constructive criticism.  :)  Any ideas that you could provide for the story! ^_^


Edited by bohrokmaster, Jul 13 2018 - 05:31 AM.

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#2 Offline Downfall

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Posted Jul 12 2018 - 10:27 PM

As this is a short story, it doesn't really need a differentiated review topic, but I'll use it anyway. It was a rather interesting story. A more apt title might be "Legacy of the Toa," since that is mostly what's being dealt with. It does leave several questions unanswered, however. How did Kopaka and Pohatu get off of the Red Star, for example, and another is how the Toa dealt with Marendar, who at the end of the story seemed the greatest threat. It does seem to be a very final and hopeful ending that seems fitting with the rest of the story and the G2 canon you based it off of. Congratulations on posting this, and if you feel you want a grammar check, then please feel free to ask.

Edited by Downfall, Jul 12 2018 - 10:35 PM.

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#3 Online bohrokmaster

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Posted Jul 13 2018 - 05:01 AM

As this is a short story, it doesn't really need a differentiated review topic, but I'll use it anyway. It was a rather interesting story. A more apt title might be "Legacy of the Toa," since that is mostly what's being dealt with. It does leave several questions unanswered, however. How did Kopaka and Pohatu get off of the Red Star, for example, and another is how the Toa dealt with Marendar, who at the end of the story seemed the greatest threat. It does seem to be a very final and hopeful ending that seems fitting with the rest of the story and the G2 canon you based it off of. Congratulations on posting this, and if you feel you want a grammar check, then please feel free to ask.

 

I think I didn't spend much time researching the G1 canon (the serials) and putting the ties together (The Powers that be and The Yesterday Quest?) I really appreciate your feedback. ^_^  I will definitely change the Image title. And mention the Toa's confrontation with Marendar and Kopaka and Pohatu's escape from the Red Star. I apologise for adding a Review topic :( . I wasn't completely sure if I should add a Review topic for my Short Story but thanks for the heads-up!  :)

 

I think my intention was to tie my short story with Wiriamu's fanfiction 'Battle for Spherus Magna'. But as a time jump. I might need to look up on those Story Serials written by Greg as well. Thank you anyway!


Edited by bohrokmaster, Jul 13 2018 - 09:18 AM.

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#4 Offline Downfall

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Posted Jul 13 2018 - 10:15 AM

No problem! It's always better to be safe than sorry.
(In regards to the review topic.)

This story reminds me of a poem in Lord of the Rings called the Song of Durin.

Edited by Downfall, Jul 17 2018 - 06:54 PM.

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