bohrokmaster Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 (edited) Like I have said in my main topic, I am freely open for help/feedback or constructive criticism. Any ideas that you could provide for the story! Edited July 13, 2018 by bohrokmaster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Downfall Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 (edited) As this is a short story, it doesn't really need a differentiated review topic, but I'll use it anyway. It was a rather interesting story. A more apt title might be "Legacy of the Toa," since that is mostly what's being dealt with. It does leave several questions unanswered, however. How did Kopaka and Pohatu get off of the Red Star, for example, and another is how the Toa dealt with Marendar, who at the end of the story seemed the greatest threat. It does seem to be a very final and hopeful ending that seems fitting with the rest of the story and the G2 canon you based it off of. Congratulations on posting this, and if you feel you want a grammar check, then please feel free to ask. Edited July 13, 2018 by Downfall Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bohrokmaster Posted July 13, 2018 Author Share Posted July 13, 2018 (edited) As this is a short story, it doesn't really need a differentiated review topic, but I'll use it anyway. It was a rather interesting story. A more apt title might be "Legacy of the Toa," since that is mostly what's being dealt with. It does leave several questions unanswered, however. How did Kopaka and Pohatu get off of the Red Star, for example, and another is how the Toa dealt with Marendar, who at the end of the story seemed the greatest threat. It does seem to be a very final and hopeful ending that seems fitting with the rest of the story and the G2 canon you based it off of. Congratulations on posting this, and if you feel you want a grammar check, then please feel free to ask. I think I didn't spend much time researching the G1 canon (the serials) and putting the ties together (The Powers that be and The Yesterday Quest?) I really appreciate your feedback. I will definitely change the Image title. And mention the Toa's confrontation with Marendar and Kopaka and Pohatu's escape from the Red Star. I apologise for adding a Review topic . I wasn't completely sure if I should add a Review topic for my Short Story but thanks for the heads-up! I think my intention was to tie my short story with Wiriamu's fan fiction 'Battle for Spherus Magna'. But as a time jump. I might need to look up on those Story Serials written by Greg as well. Thank you anyway! Edited July 18, 2018 by bohrokmaster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Downfall Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 (edited) No problem! It's always better to be safe than sorry.(In regards to the review topic.) This story reminds me of a poem in Lord of the Rings called the Song of Durin. Edited July 17, 2018 by Downfall Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bohrokmaster Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 (edited) No problem! It's always better to be safe than sorry.(In regards to the review topic.) This story reminds me of a poem in Lord of the Rings called the Song of Durin. Cool. Although, when the Toa Nuva and all the other Toa come back, they will be in their past forms as Toa that we've known from before. Instead of becoming Turaga (I still love the transformation of Mistika and Phantoka Toa Nuva and Toa Mahri Matoro ). So when I wrote my Fan fiction, because you know me, I love writing Fanfic for G1 , I sometimes think of this (maybe without the deep voice echo chant lol). A feeling you would get when the stakes were already high in its top peak (top level). Edited July 18, 2018 by bohrokmaster 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Downfall Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uxfoa23skHg (Song of Durin) This is the song I was talking about earlier. It's mostly because of the final verse, which contains both the lines "but still the crown of stars appears" and "till Durin wakes again from sleep." https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rYlTO3sUFyA (Final Bowser) https://m.soundcloud.com/bennett-salter/mavkhi-the-zealot?in=bennett-salter/sets/red-star-chronicles (Mavkhi, the Zealot) Both dramatic pieces with choir and organ. Why do dramatic pieces always have choir and organ parts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bohrokmaster Posted August 6, 2018 Author Share Posted August 6, 2018 (edited) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uxfoa23skHg (Song of Durin)This is the song I was talking about earlier. It's mostly because of the final verse, which contains both the lines "but still the crown of stars appears" and "till Durin wakes again from sleep." https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rYlTO3sUFyA (Final Bowser)https://m.soundcloud.com/bennett-salter/mavkhi-the-zealot?in=bennett-salter/sets/red-star-chronicles (Mavkhi, the Zealot) Both dramatic pieces with choir and organ. Why do dramatic pieces always have choir and organ parts?Oh right, sorry. My bad. Thanks for the links! No problem! It's always better to be safe than sorry.(In regards to the review topic.) This story reminds me of a poem in Lord of the Rings called the Song of Durin.Cool. Although, when the Toa Nuva and all the other Toa come back, they will be in their past forms as Toa that we've known from before. Instead of becoming Turaga (I still love the transformation of Mistika and Phantoka Toa Nuva and Toa Mahri Matoro ). So when I wrote my Fan fiction, because you know me, I love writing Fanfic for G1 , I sometimes think of this (maybe without the deep voice echo chant lol). A feeling you would get when the stakes were already high in its top peak (top level). Apologies if I sound worded. Edited August 6, 2018 by bohrokmaster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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