Edited by Toa Levacius Zehvor, Jan 01 2012 - 04:09 PM.
Review Topic For All Cardinal Points
Posted Jan 01 2012 - 12:17 AM
Posted Jan 01 2012 - 03:33 PM
Toa should be capitalized. This error appears eight more times. A simple Ctrl+F search will help you locate them.
tall toa wearing a silver breastplate
island's, island's, creature's, island's, Stelt's - apostrophes have a place. If you're using MS Word, I'm surprised it didn't pick those up.
the islands entire eastern halfThe islands name - Siramircreatures ears perked up to look around.The grassy patches dotting the islands eastern halfrumored to have taken over Stelts underworld.
due to its unimportant location
due too its unimportant location
her chance was almost lost,
her chance was almost lot,
as fast as she could,
as fast as she can,
two spear strikes into the chest and kept coming
two spear strikes into the chest and keep coming
You should replace a "large" with another word. And you want the word sheath - sheathe means to put a weapon away.
Across his back was a large sheathe holding a large claymore.
Matoran should be capitalized. This error appears four more times. Again, Ctrl+F will take you to them.
stone rat terrorizing a matoran.
the latter being the only excitement
the later being the only excitement
threw him a Bula berry,
threw him Bula berry,
would likely be the vessel responsibleThose are mostly minor issues to look out for, just be more vigilant when reviewing your work before posting. Looking at the actual story, it's an interesting one. We have a Matoran Universe without a roof, a few geographical changes, and a prologue spelling the certain doom of an island you detailed very nicely. I could get a real sense of the atmosphere, and what life was like for the inhabitants. Dialogue felt realistic as well, which definitely helps. The aforementioned errors were really the only negative points to this epic thus far, and I'm fairly curious to see where this story will go. Keep at it, Toa Levacius Zehvor, you're off to a great start.-Ced
would likely be vessel responsible
Posted Jan 01 2012 - 04:09 PM
Posted Jan 03 2012 - 08:39 PM
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