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Shadows Review Topic

Shadows Review Topic

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106 replies to this topic

#41 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 10 2012 - 03:33 PM

Huzzah, a new chapter!Let's see, so the comic relief duo have alternate selves. Cool stuff.What's all this Ignika's countdown business? It's some detail of the canon story I forgot, I presume? And that little conversation reminds me a little of Nuju's latest post in Le-Wahi, but probably coincidence.Essentially a good chapter, but too short!
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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#42 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 10 2012 - 03:46 PM

Which one?When Mata-Nui began to die, the Ignika began an internal countdown, at the end of which all MU inhabitants would die.That is a coincidence.I know! I just haven't had the time to write long chapters recently. *Sighs* :(
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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#43 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 11 2012 - 05:22 PM

Well the short chapters mean they come out faster than I can say... Something which lasts about a day. Ahem.

It changed him both physically and mentally into a

Jetpack Face. It had to be done.Anyway, I'm liking how all this ties in with the canon storyline, and how you're mixing serious history lessons with semi-comedic scenes with the Agori pair and the protagonists. Keep up the good work!

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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#44 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 11 2012 - 05:25 PM

Well the short chapters mean they come out faster than I can say... Something which lasts about a day.

The full chemical name of Titin?

Well the short chapters mean they come out faster than I can say... Something which lasts about a day. Ahem.

It changed him both physically and mentally into a

Jetpack Face.

Very funny.Thankyou. I like how it ties in myself. And I like the semi-comedic scenes myself, but I have to work in storyline explanations.By the way, there's more to the Time-Keeper legend than you might think...

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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#45 Offline King Joe

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Posted Feb 11 2012 - 11:17 PM

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. You totally have the "big bad from behind the scenes manipulating everything" vibe going on there. I loved that history bit.Not to mention the door knocker exchange was funny.
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#46 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 12 2012 - 02:27 AM

Thankyou. :)I'm glad you liked it.I really enjoyed writing the door knocker bit. XP
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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#47 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 15 2012 - 04:49 PM

Ooh, a new chapter. I'm liking that it was longer than the rest, and I like the end line, along with Laz's iCastle hologram. But just a key detail: Toa of Sonics have good hearing. That's why you have to whisper, because their hearing is so sensitive it hurts them. The chapter itself though, was brilliant, and I look forward to more.
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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#48 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 15 2012 - 04:55 PM

Ooh, a new chapter. I'm liking that it was longer than the rest, and I like the end line, along with Laz's iCastle hologram. But just a key detail: Toa of Sonics have good hearing. That's why you have to whisper, because their hearing is so sensitive it hurts them. The chapter itself though, was brilliant, and I look forward to more.

Incommodo isn't a Toa of Sonics, he's a Toa of Magnetism.Pirok was using an expression. Basically, he said Incommodo had really good hearing. To which the egomaniac agreed.Thankyou, I wanted to give you all a longer chapter because I may not get many more posted anytime soon (I'm going to Donegal and won't have internet access until AT LEAST Sunday. But rest assured, I WILL be writing more chapters while I'm there).Thankyou. Proditor gets a lot of good lines. :P'iCastle hologram'. I'm using that. XDThankyou, there will be a few more chapters (and then a sequel. And then a sequel to the sequel).

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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#49 Offline King Joe

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Posted Feb 16 2012 - 05:47 PM

The last line = EPIC WINZ!Pirok knows how to deliver a witty pre-battle remark, don't he?
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#50 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 19 2012 - 11:25 AM

The last line = EPIC WINZ!Pirok knows how to deliver a witty pre-battle remark, don't he?

That was Proditor, King Joe. XDBut thankyou.Alright everyone, I have a backlog of chapters that need posting, so expect one a day for the next while. :)I also have a banner in the works...

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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#51 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 19 2012 - 01:24 PM

Aha, they've got into a real pickle now! I liked how there's just a legion of anonymous Mystix hanging around in the corridors doing nothing XD Keep up the good work!
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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#52 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 19 2012 - 01:30 PM

Thankyou.I like the legion of anonymous Mystix. They work well as plot-forwarders.By the way, does the Matoran still seem like a 'cheap plot device'? :sly:
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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#53 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 19 2012 - 01:54 PM

:shrugs:I shall leave you with that, my good sir.
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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#54 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 19 2012 - 01:57 PM

Thought as much. XD
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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#55 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 20 2012 - 10:59 AM

That Turaga came as a bit of a surprise, reminded me of Lhikan until he vanished. I won't jump to conclusions about him being a plot device because he'll probably return later.And I just noticed, the Matoran who can see all of time and space still has no name.
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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#56 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 20 2012 - 11:02 AM

That Turaga came as a bit of a surprise, reminded me of Lhikan until he vanished. I won't jump to conclusions about him being a plot device because he'll probably return later.And I just noticed, the Matoran who can see all of time and space still has no name.

The most important parts of that are bolded, and I will explain them now.He was originally very Yoda-y, but I changed him last-minute.You better not. That business with the Matoran must have been pretty embarassing.As for returning later, you're right on the mark. Although, there's something important that you missed...That will be an important part of the plot later on.

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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#57 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 20 2012 - 11:13 AM

Oh, and why did Incommodo walk into the wall? Did he forget about the archway or something?
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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#58 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 20 2012 - 11:16 AM

Oh, and why did Incommodo walk into the wall? Did he forget about the archway or something?

He's Incommodo. He walked into the wrong part of the wall.That's not what you missed, by the way. It has something to do with the Turaga. The answer is actually on this page of the review topic.

Edited by Vorex: Paradox Eater, Feb 20 2012 - 11:17 AM.

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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#59 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 20 2012 - 11:37 AM

So Proditor escaped his body with an Iden and then got it back somehow and became a Turaga? Or Ignotus turned him into a Turaga by accident?

Edited by Wotsiznaim, Feb 20 2012 - 11:37 AM.

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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#60 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 20 2012 - 11:40 AM

So Proditor escaped his body with an Iden and then got it back somehow and became a Turaga? Or Ignotus turned him into a Turaga by accident?

No, Proditor is not the Turaga. It's staring you right in the face! It's on this page! Read the posts on this page! :superfunny:And don't forget spoiler tags for theories.

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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#61 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 22 2012 - 04:36 PM

Time Keeper...? :shrugs:
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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#62 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 22 2012 - 04:39 PM

Spoiler
By the way, I believe I mentioned something about using spoiler-tags for theories. :sly:

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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#63 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 22 2012 - 04:44 PM

Well I was just saying random nouns from this page, as any non-sensible person would :P
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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#64 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 22 2012 - 04:47 PM

True enough.If you're looking for the answer, first two posts on this page. You'll find it there. :sly:
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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#65 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 22 2012 - 04:53 PM

Spoiler

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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#66 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 23 2012 - 01:56 AM

Spoiler
Clue: You asked a question in the first post on this page.Anyhow, I'll post Chapter 16 as soon as I can (I've written up to 18).

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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#67 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 23 2012 - 04:08 PM

Aha, chapter 16 has some great stuff, and I understood it for once! :P Not much to say really, other than some good character development and that I like the ending joke.
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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#68 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 23 2012 - 05:13 PM

Woah. That makes a change. XDYeah, I thought it was about time I brought in a good chunk of character development. And you, being a BZPRPG'er, have already seen Proditor come back from the dead twice. By the way, no comment on the line I got the title from?'That's why I said shadow. The one thing that never truly leaves you, even after death.'Ah, a good ending joke is always helpful. :P
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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#69 Offline Onarax

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Posted Feb 26 2012 - 07:02 AM

So I finally got around to actually posting in your review topic. And this means I have a few chapters worth of content I must comment on, but alas, due to my laziness, I shall merely comment on what seems to be the main plot.Time travel shenanigans and alternate timelines yay!Also, if you need some random Toa, you're free to use Arkrak if you wish.
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#70 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 26 2012 - 11:40 AM

Oh well. At least you posted. XDIndeed. Although that isn't the over-arching plot, just the plot of Shadows. I can tell you for a fact that Dark Mirror will be very different.Might do that in Dark Mirror, thanks. :)
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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#71 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Feb 29 2012 - 02:43 PM

ZOOMMMBBIIIEEEESSSSSSorry. Lost control a bit there.*Ahem*So yeah, loving the cliffhanger, and the second titular line. And the "Blue is a girl colour" quote XD
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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#72 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 29 2012 - 02:47 PM

ZOOMMMBBIIIEEEESSSSSSorry. Lost control a bit there.*Ahem*So yeah, loving the cliffhanger, and the second titular line. And the "Blue is a girl colour" quote XD

IIII'VE AAAALWAAAAYYYYS WAAAANTEEEED ZOOOOMBIIIIEEEES IIIIN AAAAN EEEEPIIIIC!Yeah. Me too.*Awkward cough*I liked that cliffhanger. And the second titular line. And I LOVED the 'Blue is a girl colour' line. XD

  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#73 Offline Guurahk Entertainer

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Posted Feb 29 2012 - 04:28 PM

"

"Why don't you like him?"

"He's blue." Proditor shrugged. "Blue is a girl colour."

" About, that blue is the most common boys' color, pink is girls'. About the "epic" you made, i think it's cool, especially the banner. Is still in production? If it is, how many chapters are you going to make (or is it confidential?)?

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-G u u R a h K


#74 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Feb 29 2012 - 04:31 PM

"

"Why don't you like him?"

"He's blue." Proditor shrugged. "Blue is a girl colour."

" About, that blue is the most common boys' color, pink is girls'. About the "epic" you made, i think it's cool, especially the banner. Is still in production? If it is, how many chapters are you going to make (or is it confidential?)?

I know, but in BIONICLE, blue is the girl colour. Boys = Not blue, Girls = blue. The banner was made by Shattered Mask Productions. There'll be about 20 chapters, maybe a few more, and then an epilogue leading into Dark Mirror, which will be split into two parts and followed by The Eleventh Hour.

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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#75 Offline Onarax

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Posted Mar 03 2012 - 05:35 AM

And I suppose Arkrak will appear in Dark Mirror. Feel free to use whichever incarnation you want.Anyway, Zombies. You have zombies.Vorex, you have won +3 Internets for putting zombies in BIONICLE.
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#76 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Mar 03 2012 - 05:41 AM

Yep, it's likely.Indeed.Woah, I didn't think people would like it that much!I even thought people might COMPLAIN. XD
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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#77 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Mar 03 2012 - 06:21 AM

Complain? About ZOMBIES?ARE YOU BLOODY MAD MAN?!
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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#78 Offline Pokémon Trainer N

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Posted Mar 03 2012 - 08:53 AM

Oh well, I know better now. XDYes, yes I am. :P
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Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#79 Offline The Dandy Automaton

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Posted Mar 03 2012 - 04:35 PM

Oh, I'm sure that figure's going to be a friendly character who'll help them. Or maybe change their mind once the zombie horde reaches them. :P
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Chapter four - Desire

Coming soon!

Short Stories: The Commute ~ Rasinov ~ In Your Absence ~ Hunter's Game ~ Suchia (Coming soon)

Epics: The Best Kept Secrets (Chapter 27: The Shadow Walker coming soon) ~ The Shadow of this Red Rock


#80 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Mar 03 2012 - 04:46 PM

Ooohhh, who could it be XD

“Who you gonna call?”“Wuh?”

I laughed out loud. Loudly.Anyway, that was one of the best cliffhangers (other than blimmin' zombies) as the person is talking in italics which completely changes the game.Great stuff, as usual.

Edited by Wotsiznaim, Mar 03 2012 - 04:47 PM.

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But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed





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