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How To Be A Hero


Voltex

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I'm honestly surprised you have any time to write all these stories.
Well, there's a reason that this one hasn't been updated much recently, why the latest chapter was short compared to others, and why even after TvT is done this thing isn't updated as frequently. =P-ibrow
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Shame, really, because I prefer How To Be A Hero...
I myself prefer to write Tahu vs. Tahu and prose comedies; this one is more... just jokes, while I can work in an actual story with more ease the other way around. Also, this one in particular is hard to write a story for because I originally wrote it to not have a story stretching across all chapters.-ibrow
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Chapter 30 – A Day in the Life of VezonMonday:Vezon: Yawn! What a terrible sleep! Ouch, and a book has fallen on my face too! Man, I love Mondays!Vezok: Urgh... that’s sarcastic, right?Vezon: Is what sarcastic?Vezok: You actually hate Mondays, right? Please say yes.Vezon: But I love Mondays.Vezok: But you just suffered torture and stuff... aw man, it’s six thirty... ugh....Vezon: Got any pants?Vezok: You’re not eating my pants today. You ate my pants on Friday and I had to buy new ones.Vezon: ...which you promised I could eat.Vezok: I hate you Vezon.Vezon: Man, that breaks my heart dude. :( Seriously, look at my emote.Vezok: What the heck is an emote?Vezon: Never you mind my brother, it’s in the fourth dimension.Vezok: This is why I hate having you as a brother. You never make ANY SENSE AT ALL.Tahu: STOP TALKING IN ALL CAPS OR I WILL BEAT YOU!Vezok: I don’t even want to know how he just heard me.Vezon: Oh, last week I told him the plans you and Makuta had to stab him in the back at lunchtime.Vezok: ...Vezon: So he asked me to install an audio recording device in our room.Vezok: ... where is this device?Vezon: In my eye. It hurts a lot.Vezok: ... it’s seriously disgusting how stupid you are.Vezon: Mucho thanks my brother!Tuesday:Tahu: ALRIGHT CLASS, LISTEN UP! TODAY WE WILL BE LEARNING HOW TO KNOCK VILLAINS OUT WITH A SIMPLE AND YET COMPLEX PLAN!Mazeka: I didn’t know there was such a thing.Vezon: Sure there is! Watch!*WHAM!!!*Mazeka: Urgh....Vezok: That’s not simple and complex, Vezon! You just beat him with your frying pan!Vezon: The action is simple, the exquisite care I take with the planning and care of the hit and the pan is complex!*WHAM!!!*Vezok: Argh, my spleen....Tahu: THAT’S ENOUGH! A PERFECT EXAMPLE, BUT BETTER IN SMALL DOSES!Vezon: No problemo, boss!Meltdown: Pleasssse do not let him hit me too.Tahu: LUNCH TIME EVERYONE! AND FURNO, I SWEAR TO MATA-NUI, IF YOU HAVE PEANUT BUTTER AGAIN I’M GOING TO GLUE YOU ONTO MY PUCNHING BAG AT HOME!Furno: ...oh dear.Tahu: ...Furno: Vezon?Vezon: Woohoo!*WHAM!!!*And thus Furno was smashed out the window.Vezon: Ooh, look! He’s gonna go splat!Tahu: ... I’m so disappointed I can’t even speak in all caps lock.Meltdown: And thusssss I will now take a leave of absssscence for my own sssssafety.Stringer: Duuuude, I am like, soooo tooootally with you bro.Vezon: ...must... resist urge... to beat you all... with frying pan...Vezok: Urk... Vezon don’t... don’t do it... you will regret... your actions....Vezon: TARGET AQUIRED!Tahu: NO CAPS LOCK!!Vezok: No!!*WHAM!!!*Vezok: M-my... my... my kneecap... bleagh...Tahu: Security to my room, Vezon’s gone crazy with the frying pan again. Yes, it was him that knocked Furno out the window... no, I don’t care! Of course I haven’t taken the frying pan away! Yes, he’s knocked some kids out already! NO, I’M NOT GOING TO ENGAGE IN COMBAT, HE’LL SMACK ME INTO OBLIVION!Vezon: Ooh, telephone!Tahu: DON’T YOU D-... you dared.Vezon: Telephone is in pieces! Huzzah!Wednesday:Lance Valor: Vezon, I hope you understand the seriousness of the situation.Vezon: Yeah yeah, sure. Whatever.Valor: Vezon, I need you to stop playing with my bobble head of the Spy from Team Fortress 2 and listen to me.Vezon: Boom, headshot.Valor: Vezon, please don’t make me set you on fire.Vezon: Ooh, I like fire!Valor: Very well then.Vezon: ARGH IT BURNS! Ah, much better.Valor: Are you listening?Vezon: Listening!Valor: You knocked Furno out of a window yesterday and luckily he landed on his blimp, which was demolished.Vezon: Darn, I liked that blimp. I wrote “Vezon wuz here” in small print under the “F” in Furno.Valor: ...Vezon: It was delicious.Valor: ...anyway, my employers are requiring me to er... punish you.Vezon: You say that as if you mean something else entirely that is not an actual punishment.Valor: Ahem... cough... it appears I have a cough cold... cough....Vezon: This will fix you up!Valor: Please do not hit me with that. It would be a rather shameful waste of resources to light you on fire twice.Vezon: Ow, fire hurts. Ooh, you have pants on your wall!Valor: No, don’t eat those. They are an antique....Vezon: Man, these things are delicious!Valor: Why do I even bother?Vezon: Can I leave now?Valor: Fine. It’s useless trying to speak sensibly to you.Vezon left the office, and Valor sank into his chair.Valor: That was a close call.Vezon: You gotta love making everybody think you’re a crazed lunatic... ah, good times, good times.Passerby: Wait, you’re sane?!Vezon: Heehee!*WHAM!!!*Passerby: Blurgh... never mind....Thursday:Macku: So apparently Vezon is actually completely sane!Hahli: Really?!Macku: Yeah! Some poor sap heard Vezon talking about it before Vezon beat him into oblivion with his frying pan.Breez: He belongs at an institution.Hahli: He belongs at Villain Academy. I wonder if he’s an informant....Vezon: Am I an informant for what? How many people believe I am sane?Macku: Well, considering the poor sap got sent to the hair salon for eternity, just us three.Vezon: Time to convince you of my insanity!Friday:Furno: I don’t get it, Hahli has been so distant today.Hewkii: Macku is same. Hewkii is disappointed. Hewkii is confused.Furno: What about you, Nex?Nex: Well, considering Breez still hasn’t gotten together with me, I wouldn’t know.Furno: ...ouch.Nex: Yes, it hurts inside. Leave me alone to cry in a corner.To Be Continued!Fun fact: This chapter was the one I was originally going to write for Chapter 18, before it was shelved for later and replaced with Meltdown's origin tale. I re-scheduled it for Chapter 39, before a change of plans put me into a situation where this would've been VERY out of place with where the comedy will be at that time. So, here you are, with Vezon celebrating 30 chapters of this comedy with you via a week in his life.

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Vezon: The action is simple, the exquisite care I take with the planning and care of the hit and the pan is complex!
Everytime Vezon is around, there's always some great quote from him.
You can usually say the same for Makuta. =P Both are highly quotable characters.-ibrow
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That was a very long day...Anyway, Vezon is weird. He's almost too random, if that makes any sense. Vezok is fine, great character, but Vezon's randomness is actually slightly annoying. Great pan line though. Also, Meet the Sniper reference (Although it's a bobblehead of the Civilian, the 10th class from Team Fortress Classic, not Spy... I have watched MtS way too many times.)!

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That was a very long day...Anyway, Vezon is weird. He's almost too random, if that makes any sense. Vezok is fine, great character, but Vezon's randomness is actually slightly annoying. Great pan line though. Also, Meet the Sniper reference (Although it's a bobblehead of the Civilian, the 10th class from Team Fortress Classic, not Spy... I have watched MtS way too many times.)!
Oh no, I realize the situation with the bobblehead. =P Shows how crazy Vezon is, and also references the Sniper vs. Spy update!I agree about the random bit. This chapter was getting to be a pain in the butt by the time I got to Thursday and Friday, if you can tell. >.>-ibrow
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You could have just titled it "Three days in the life of Vezon", and ended it after Wednesday. :) I think that might have been slightly more effective. You might have been able to keep Thursday, but Friday was just...out. I especially liked Tuesday's plot.

Vezon: The action is simple, the exquisite care I take with the planning and care of the hit and the pan is complex!
Tahu: THAT’S ENOUGH! A PERFECT EXAMPLE, BUT BETTER IN SMALL DOSES!
Meltdown: And thusssss I will now take a leave of absssscence for my own sssssafety.
And those. Also, ibrow, do you have any plans to end this comedy eventually? If not, I humbly suggest that you make some. That's not to say that I don't like this comedy anymore...it contenually impresses me with the ideas you've put in recently, like Tronmeg and this recent chapter. But I noted some recent comments about you becoming demoralized, tired of writing this. If you're tired of this, end it! You don't have to write it forever - that's insane. There's something to be said on ending this before the quality degrades to the extent that no one wants to read it. Further, having the ending in sight might help you write, because you can see your relief coming of not having to write this, so you're more motivated to write this to get there. The chapters you write will likely improve as a result. Just a bit of a human psychology thing. And it's sweeter to us because there is less of it. Eventually we all will get tired of it, even with a concept as good as this. Ending it before we get tired of it is definately a good idea, because later we will return to this topic with fond memories instead of thinking "That comedy that was good in the beginning but..." And it frees you up to work on ideas you want to work on instead of that comedy again. :)If you do have an ending, you might want to think about tightening up the timetable just a little bit. I'm probably reading a little too much into your comments...but just some advice, I guess.
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I have plans for the ending, and have had them for sometime. When I first started turning this into a full-fledged comedy, I planned for 100 chapters of the sort you got in the beginning. However, I figured either I or the readers would find that tiresome around then and so I shortened it to 50 chapters.I'm sticking with that. =P And, that said:New chapter coming tonight!-ibrow

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Chapter 31 – Meet the VillainsTahu: Alright class, listen up.Makuta: And if we don’t?Tahu: Makuta, have you bothered to comprehend the reasons why I’m not shouting?Makuta: Not really, bro. I just know I prefer you to be mellow and quiet.Tahu: ...Bulk: It’s your fault that Tahu became a zombie.Makuta: Actually, that was all Nex.Nex: Stop blaming stuff on me!Breez: Well, it’s true.Nex: Aren’t you on my side?!Breez: Who said I’m on your side?Nex: ...Makuta: Not to mention Bulk, you didn’t do much to stop us. Also, you walked off by yourself, which is just about the most stupid thing you can do in a zombie outbreak.Bulk: Hey!Furno: Makuta’s actually right Bulk, you’re stupid.Rocka: Says the leader of us that got himself infected.Furno: Once again, that was all Nex.Nex: It’s not my fault you were all bothering me! Also, in case you haven’t realized yet, I was in the middle of the explosion. My brain got addled.Breez: Sure, Nex. Addled to the point where you were just brutal.Makuta: Nex is like that deep down inside.Nex: Not helping, Makuta.Bulk: Look, none of you listened to me when the outbreak started! I was trying to organize us, but Nex just took over with his violent ways and Furno, for crying out loud, let him do it!Rocka: Yeah, because everyone wants you as the leader, Bulk.Bulk: I didn’t mean to be the leader, just the organizer.Furno: Yeah... I don’t want you as the organizer either.Mazeka: Hey Furno, shut up. You’re not much better.Furno: What?! I’m top of the class!Bulk: Actually, I’m top of the class. You’re right beneath me.Nex: Somebody remind me how Furno is at the top.Furno: That’s what experience in the field does for you, Nex.Nex: So if I just slack off and ignore my girl friend, I’ll become just like you? What a hero, Furno.Furno: What?! At least I still have a girl friend!Nex: Shove off. At least I’m not so stuck up that I have a blimp with my face plastered all over it.Furno: SHUT UP!Tahu: Furno, to the office. Now.Furno: JUST SHUT UP ABOUT THE BLIMP!Tahu: FURNO!Furno: ...oh. Fine.Tahu: My throat hurts now.Nex: You deserve it.Bulk: Nex, be quiet. That’s no way to talk to a teacher!Mazeka: Nex, be quiet! That’s no way to talk to a teacher!Bulk: Don’t mock me!Rocka: Don’t mock me!Bulk: ... I give up.Makuta: About time.Bulk: I’m leaving. Screw you guys.Tahu: I hate you all. Now my top two students are gone. The average of this class just fell by about 67%.Nex: What’s Breez, chopped liver?Breez: I don’t need you to help me... I can do it myself.Nex: Sigh...Makuta: Just like the good old days!Nex: What?!Makuta: Well, you know. Way back when, Breez hated you and you loved her. Except... I guess back then you didn’t know she hated you. So... not the good old days, then.Nex: Thanks Makuta. That makes me feel sooo much better.Makuta: you are welcome.Tahu: Everybody listen up.Makuta: Listening!Tahu: Everybody shut up.Makuta: ...Tahu: Today, I need to teach you about villains.Makuta: Ooh, scary. Better run away from those villains. We might eat you heroes for a snack.Meltdown: I beg to differ. A hero will never be an adequate filling of the belly.Makuta: Congratulations on the sentence.Meltdown: No problem.Tahu: Has anyone here heard of the likes of Witch Doctor, or Von Ness, or XT4, or Brutaka, or Voltix?Nex: Well, considering we took down Witch Doctor ourselves, and we fought Voltix a few weeks back...*FLASHBACK*Voltix: Muahahahaha! You can never defeat me! I will be ruler of the UNIVERSE!Makuta: Right. And I will become the president of the Heroes of America fanclub.Voltix: PRECISELY! MUAHAHAHA!Makuta: That was a joke. I killed the club.Voltix: I SHALL NOT BE DETERRED! YOU SHALL ALL FACE MY WRATH! I WILL EAT YOUR HEARTS AND – URK!Kopaka: Yeah, it’s not fun having a shield slam your neck into the wall. But you’re going to prison.Voltix: NOOOOO!*END FLASHBACK!*Tahu: Yes... well, recently Witch Doctor and Voltix have been broken out of prison.Rocka: Well, that’s your hard work gone to nothing.Makuta: Inefficiency at its best!Breez: How did they break out?Tahu: That’s the part that we have found worrisome. Witch Doctor was spotted with XT4 hours later, and the two met with Brutaka and Voltix before vanishing.Makuta: Big deal.Tahu: It is a big deal. XT4 was spotted later that evening with Von Ness, and Von Ness has long been connected to a massive criminal organization, which, amongst other things, runs the Villain Academy.Meltdown: And we all know that the Villain Academy would be a HUGE FREAKING DEAL, right?Makuta: You continue to impress... also, I agree.Tahu: Many are speculating the Villain Academy as it is right now is just a cover for something larger. And I have my suspicions as to where this institution may have placed some villains undercover.Makuta: You’re looking at me when you say that. I’m no spy, trust me.Tahu: No, I’d like to speak to you after class. Secret mission #1 and all that jazz.Makuta: More like mission #2, but alright.Breez: Sir, I’m looking up all of them on my files... Brutaka is wanted across the universe for using his portals to break countless other villains out of jail.Tahu: Go on.Breez: Witch Doctor has admitted to being a spy that was placed within Hero School to experiment, and Voltix... he’s just some megalomaniac, to be honest.Tahu: Yes... it’s the other two that are important.Breez: My files say that XT4... he’s one of the most dangerous villains of all time. He’s never been beaten in combat, and he’s taken down over seventeen thousand heroes.Tahu: Indeed.Makuta: Alright, even for me, those are some scary numbers.Tahu: XT4 is rumored to be the second in command of this organization I was telling you all about.Makuta: He’s a pretty shrimp guy to be in control of that much.Tahu: Do not, under any circumstances, underestimate him. XT4 is far more dangerous than any other villain you’ll meet. He’s cold... he’s calculating... and he never makes mistakes. Makuta, this is where you’ll be coming in after class.Makuta: Uh... okay.Tahu: Breez?Breez: Von Ness... it says he used to be a student of hero school. He was the top student in the school... he aced the in-class work, and he aced the field training, and the combat training.Nex: How does somebody like that go bad?Breez: I’m about to tell you, Nex. Shut it.Nex: ...Breez: His reasons for leaving were that he became an outcast at the school. He outclassed everyone by so much that they became jealous, and would bully him mercilessly.Makuta: Sounds like what we do to Bulk and Furno these days.Breez: So he turned on the school... while on a field mission to investigate Tronameg-Nex: Ugh, him again.Breez: -Von Ness stole some of Tronameg’s experiments and killed the three class mates that had gone with him on the mission. The next time Hero School saw him, he had transformed into a hulking monster. Four out of the fifteen heroes on the mission died while the others escaped and the objective was failed.Makuta: Well, today was fun.Tahu: That is important, heroes. Keep it in mind the next time you see your friends.*-*-*-*Bulk: And you’re sure this will work????: Of course it will work, hero.Bulk: Don’t call me that. I’m tired of being the hero. Let them see how easy it is.???: Good... you’ll fit right in. We have been planning this for years... and you, Bulk, will fit into the plan like a glove. This is your part....To Be Continued.

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Wow. I can feel that this is becoming serious very quickly. Also, Bulk is a villain :o ! Oh no!
Bulk becmoing a villain... that is something I've had planned to put into action for a long time, and it has finally arrived. Also, don't worry about the serious stuff - that's only this chapter and maybe one or two others. These guys just can't stay away from the jokes.
I just got to page two of nine,I'm new here,I mean really new,like just got approved tonight new,and I love it so far,I could not stop laughing!!! Yeah,I just used five comas in one sentence.That's right.p.s. It's so funny how Bulk keeps kicking butt!
Bulk has indeed played a rather large role within the comedy, and for a reason. I hope you enjoy the rest of the comedy too. :)-ibrow
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  • 2 weeks later...

It's a hard comedy to re-cap, honestly. The chapters (especially the first 20 or so) are really disjointed from each other just due to the style of the comedy.I'd advise just finding Chapter 22 and read from there - that'll have you caught up on the things important right now quickly.-ibrow

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