A Reflection of Terror and Hope (BZP Fanfic Exchange)

[Alexander123]

This was for Nick Silverpen who wanted a story about alternate realities and the Toa Mangai. I hope everyone enjoys.

 

 

 

Greetings, my fellow Vortixx, for those strangers among us my name is Valshtar. Once I had a prestigious position in the government of our beloved island, Xia. But that was before I was forced into hiding by the Toa Empire. Now my brothers and sisters we gather here to celebrate the millenial celebration of the empires fall, and the awakening of Mata Nui today. However, I must first give a speech before the celebrations commence and tell what came before.
         I believe it all began five thousand years ago in Metru Nui. There the Kanohi Dragon menaced the city and threatened its destruction. Luckily it was defeated by the Toa Mangai, but at a price, Toas Kanae, Fau, and Tiro were killed in the fighting. Turaga Dume fearing what would happen if a threat like this, or worse, should happen while the toa were away commisioned the creation of the Vahki. These would later be massed produced by the empire and make up the bulk of its forces.
        Soon members of the Mangai began leaving Metru Nui, leaving only Lhikan (their leader), Nidhiki, Tuyet, and Naho. Then Matoran started dying in mysterious ways. At first the Dark Hunters were blamed, but the Lhikan learned that Tuyet was the culprit, and he and Nidhiki went to confront her. However Lhikan was not only betrayed by Tuyet ,but by Nidhiki as well. It isnt clear what exactly happened that night, but both Tuyet and Nidhiki were seriously injured. Though Tuyet recovered from her injuries, Nidhikis armor and mask were permanently melted onto his body. Now with Lhikan out the way, Tuyet and Nidhiki were free to blame the murders on the Dark Hunters. They even portrayed Lhikans death as a noble sacrifice fighting the Dark Hunters while they escaped to safety. Tuyet then called for an army to be raised to invade Odina and deal with this "threat".
      And she got her army hundreds of Vahki and dozens of volunteer toa. Then Odina was invaded by the Grand Army of Metru Nui ( as Tuyets original army was called). Nidhiki led the army in a bold landing on the beach which would later bear his name. The shore defenses were quickly overrun and the Dark Hunters fortress was beseiged. Meanwhile, Naho had grown suspicious of Tuyets motives, and when the Fortress fell she assisted in the Shadowed Ones escape. He went into hiding, but she walked into a trap here on Xia(we had to our future regret allied with Metu Nui), and was captured by Roodaka.
      After Odina fell Ancient led several surviving Dark Hunters to Tyrants kingdom. There they briefly continued to operate as an organization. Soon, a division of the Grand Army led by Toa Zaria swiftly invaded and routed the remaining Dark Hunters, and both Ancient and Tyrant were killed. With the Toa-Dark Hunter War over Metru Nui had gained much power and influence, and Odina and Tyrants Kingdom were put under military occupation.
      Under pressure from Tuyet Turaga Dume stepped down from the leadership of Metru Nui, with Tuyet as his successor. Then Tuyet declared the creation of the Toa Empire, with herself being the first empress. Her first decree as the new empress was to declare war on "those entities that threaten the empires survival or could posibly threaten it". In else, this was an excuse to begin imperialistic wars of expansion. Zakaz was the first to be conquered, its perpetual state of anarchy made it where no well organized resistance was possible. The Skakdi people were put into forced labor. Then Conjurers Kingdom fell with little resistance. After that Toa Varian led an army to invade Karzahni, though its Manas put up fierce resistance it wasnt enough to deter the invaders. Karzahni was allowed to live, and he assisted in the operation of the new reeducation centers. Soon after that Nidhiki invaded Nynrah and put all the Nynrah Ghosts to the sword. The next target was Visorak and the hordes were exterminated. Lastly, our beloved island, then under the puppet regime of Roodaka, was annexed. Despite warnings from the Shadowed One, the Toa Cordak, and the remaining Toa Mangai (Pala, Kumu, Fusa, and Motara), these aggresive actions were ignored by Artakha, the Order of Mata Nui, and the Brotherhood of Makuta.
     While scouts for the empire were exploring Artidax they made a surprising discovery. Makuta Miserex, former head of the Brotherhood of Makuta and long thought deceased, was imprisoned here. After being freed Miserex told them of a conspiracy led by Teridax to overthrow Mata Nui (then he was killed in his sleep by Nidhiki). Tuyet publicly announced these findings,and before the Brotherhood could react their Toa guards who had been sworn to protect them began to literaly stab them in the back. Brotherhood bases fell without a fight. Teridax went into hiding and Antroz led most the surviving members of the Brotherhood to defen Destral. Also Gorast was able to muster enough rahkshi to breifly defend the Tren Krom peninsula. But these efforts caame to naught and Gorast and Antroz were executed. Stelt, whose leaders supported the Brotherhood, was deemed too dangerous to operate independantly. Despite fierce resistance led by the military genious Krekka and the noble Sidorak, Stelt was occupied. In the wake of the war the Northern continent, Destral, Artidax, and Stelt were annexed. These actions were praised by Artakha and the Order of Mata Nui, but soon this praise would turn to terror.
     Desiring to find the Mask of Life, Tuyet dispatched the Toa Hagah to the Southern Continent to retrieve the mask and kill whoever stood in their way. The Hagah then fought the masks guardians, Umbra, Axxon, and Brutaka. Killing these guardians, the Hagah would have captured the mask if it had not made a body for itself and killed the Hagahs leader Norik. The mask escaped and has not been seen since. The Oder of Mata Nui, alarmed by the deaths of their agents on the Southern Continent, dispatched Botar to assasinate Tuyet. However, Tuyet fought off and maimed her would be assasin, and tortured the location of Daxia out of him.
     Then there was a war unlike any other fought in this universe. Artakha was unable to prepare a defense and fell early in the war, but the Toa Cordak and Toa Mangai helped Artakha to escape ( they had become his bodyguards several years before). Daxia put up the strongest resistance yet faced, and there were many years and loss of life before it fell. Finally the Order was defeated. Then learning the location of the Pit the Toa Empire dispatched  forces to raid it for its prisoners (including the leaders of the League of Six Kingdoms and Po Matoran general Toma "Stonewall" of the Matoran Civil War) were deemed to high a threat to the empire to live. Tren Krom was found and assasinated. Finally, the endgame happened on a forgotten island where an abandoned League of Six Kingdoms fortress stood. There Artakha attempted to put Mata Nui to sleep, and he was guarded by the Mangai, the Cordak, and Toa Helryx. Toa Tuyet personally led the invading forces consisting of Nidhiki, and her personal bodyguards, the Toa Praetorian and the Toa Varangian, to assault the fortress. All defenders were killed, Helryx was personally killed by Tuyet, but Artakha was able to put Mata Nui to sleep. The universe was taken, and Tuyet was its empress. Her triumph was complete.
      Or so she thought. Not all the defenders were killed, all but one. Toa Lesovikk, leader of the Toa Cordak, vowed to avenge his brothers and sisters and to not rest until he burned down everything Tuyet had built. He began to build a resistance made up of Matoran, Makuta, Dark Hunters, and the few toa who opposed the empire.  The Hypatos of Po Metru, Pohatu, grew dissafected with the empires tactics and began to aid the resistance in secret. As Tuyets oppresion grew, sympathy for the resistance blossomed. At first we used guerilla tactics, but then we grew bolder. Then a toa from another Dimension appeared calling himself Takanuva Toa of Light and he showed sympathy to our cause. Finally Lesovikk decided the time for the crippling strike to the empire was at hand.
     The signal was given, and simultaneously mass uprisings broke out all across the universe. I personally overthrew Roodakas puppet regime, and the Skakdi broke their chains of slavery. But the worst fighting was in Metru Nui. There the greatest heroes of the resistance Lesovikk, Toa Krakua, Pohatu, the Shadowed One, Makuta Teridax, and Ahkmou led the assault on the Colisseum. The fighting was very fierce, Tutets finest warriors defended the Colisseum. All the while Takanuva was dueling Tuyet in the Colisseum. After I had toppeled Roodakas government I ordered a fleet to be sent to render aid for the resistance in Metru Nui. Shortly after my fleet and many others arrived, the Colisseum fell. In the Colisseum Takanuva had vanished, and what was left of Tuyet lay in the arena. The next location to fall in Metru Nui were the re education centers, and the resistance let the mob do as it wished with Karzahni. However, at the central Vahki hive Toa Mata Onua had rallied the remaining imperial forces to ensure this vital location did not fall into resistance hands (for if it did the resistance could shut down all Vahki across the universe, thus putting the empire on its knees). At last this too fell, but at great loss of life. Onua tried to flee Metru Nui, but Pohatu confronted him in Ta Metru. The two brothers fought, but then Pohatu kicked Onua into a smelting pool. The Battle of Metru Nui was over.
    But that was not the end of the Toa Empire. Toa Nidhiki violently put down the uprisings in Artakha. Him being the Megas Doux of the empire, and having a reputation of instilling terror in the populance and his ruthlessness, made him the prime candidate for Tuyets successor. He was crowned emperor five days after the Battle of Metru Nui, then he bagan to call surviving imperial forces to Artakha. Soon he had a formidable army at his disposal. Meanwhile, Lesovikk, the Shadowed One, and Teridax had formed a provisional government in Metru Nui. Concerned over reports of an apparent resurgence of imperial forces, they led an army to invade Artakha.
    However, this left Metru Nui vulnerable. Two zealots of the Toa Empire, a Ta Matoran named Jaller and a Fe Matoran named Robspierre reactivated several Vahki and quickly overthrew the weak defenses put in place by the provisional government. Then they began a brief reign of terror, executing any who opposed the Toa Empire. However before their plans could be completed, a courageous Po Matoran, Ahkmou, led a small band of Matoran to storm their center of government and quickly overthrew this radical regime.
     Meanwhile on Artakha imperial forces had dug in around the palace and government centers of the main city of the island. Slowly the zone of imperial occupation shrank until even the outer courtyards of the palace were under control of the provisional government. Then this day one thousand years ago, the remaining defenses broke and the imperial forces were ordered to fall back to the throne room. Most didn't make it, but the remaining Toa Hagah, Toa Zaria, and the Toa Varangian joined Nidhiki in the throne room. Eyewitness accounts state that a force consisting of Matoran, led by Lesovikk, the Shadowed One, and Teridax planted explosives to gain entry into the throne room. Zaria was instantly killed by the blast, then the fiercest enemies of the Toa Empire poured in. Lesovikk and the Ko Matoran fought Nidhiki while the Shadowed One and Teridax fought off the Hagah and Varangian. Many good men died in that final assault, the Shadowed One was killed by the axe of Toa Akolouthos, the toa of ice leader of the Varangian, and even mighty Teridax was killed by a desperate Kualus who passed out from his wounds soon after. Nidhiki had killed most of the matoran and had beaten Lesovikk. He was about to deliver the killing blow but a  brave Ko Matoran named Arktinen impaled him from behind which gave Lesovikk the chance to shove him out a window. The Toa Empire was effectivly no more.
     Toa Kualus, the only imperial survivor of that final assault, was taken prisoner and carried to Metru Nui. There he crowned emperor in a mock ceremony by the provisional government.  In his brief (a few days) reign he ordered all surviving imperial forces to surrender, officially dissolved the empire, and ordered an election to be held for the leadership of Metru Nui before abdicating ( he did all this at swordpoint and under threats of death by the provisional government). The people spoke and elected Ahkmou, a true man of the people and one of the most noble heroes of the resistance, as their leader. A badly mutated Naho was freed from imprisonment and together with Pohatu, Krakua, and Lesovikk formed the Toa Olda. Then a new era of peace and prosperity echoed accross the universe.
     Now today we dedicate this memorial to all of our people who died fighting the evils of the Toa Empire, so we can never forget how close justice can become tyranny. Now let us rejoice in our freedom and celebrate this momentous occasion.
   

[Pahrak Model ZX]

Alternate universes sure are fun to work with, aren’t they?  I like how you take advantage of the setting to twist a lot of familiar characters and ideas—I think my favorite is actually the different reason for Nidhiki Beach’s name.  It’s also really neat that Tuyet’s death isn’t immediately the end of the empire.  Seeing the struggle to fill the power vacuum was unexpected and very engrossing!

 

I will say, though, some of the phrasing feels a little awkward.  There are parts throughout that don’t exactly flow, and feel like some afterthoughts were sort of thrown in.  Aside from that, I had a few questions like why Artakha put Mata Nui to sleep, and how exactly Mata Nui is waking up now (though I’d guess it has to do with the Ignika?).  Also, Robspierre caught me off-guard.  I see what you were going for, but one real world name suddenly showing up amidst all these familiar Bionicle names makes it stand out in an unfortunate way.  References like that might work better if you come up with a name that sounds like the source (Rospeir?) rather than directly transplanting it.

 

There are a lot of really interesting ideas in here, and a very believable fate for the Toa Empire!  A few things could use a bit more polish, but despite that, this was definitely a fun read!

[Alexander123]

Alternate universes sure are fun to work with, aren’t they?  I like how you take advantage of the setting to twist a lot of familiar characters and ideas—I think my favorite is actually the different reason for Nidhiki Beach’s name.  It’s also really neat that Tuyet’s death isn’t immediately the end of the empire.  Seeing the struggle to fill the power vacuum was unexpected and very engrossing!

 

I will say, though, some of the phrasing feels a little awkward.  There are parts throughout that don’t exactly flow, and feel like some afterthoughts were sort of thrown in.  Aside from that, I had a few questions like why Artakha put Mata Nui to sleep, and how exactly Mata Nui is waking up now (though I’d guess it has to do with the Ignika?).  Also, Robspierre caught me off-guard.  I see what you were going for, but one real world name suddenly showing up amidst all these familiar Bionicle names makes it stand out in an unfortunate way.  References like that might work better if you come up with a name that sounds like the source (Rospeir?) rather than directly transplanting it.

 

There are a lot of really interesting ideas in here, and a very believable fate for the Toa Empire!  A few things could use a bit more polish, but despite that, this was definitely a fun read!

 

Glad you enjoyed it, I really appreciate your input. Halfway through writing I realized that if Mata Nui had not been put to sleep he would have arrived on Bara Magna on schedule, so I had to put him to sleep to rectify that plot hole. I also put in a couple more real world references than Robspierre, specifically to the Byzantine empire with the Toa Varangian and a couple of imperial titles.