Sybre Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 This review topic is for my new epic, Delvan in Peril. Give me your feedback right here!-Sybre Quote mindeth the cobwebs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sybre Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 Part 3 is out! Who will emerge victorious? Sybre or Vance, the villain-for-hire? Quote mindeth the cobwebs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JiMing Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) Hey, where am I? I mean, I know King Joe came first, but why did I not appear? Edited January 9, 2012 by JiMing Quote Haven't seen one of these in a long time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sybre Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 Hey, where am I? I mean, I know King Joe came first, but why did I not appear?You're coming soon. You'll probably appear when Sybre, Dondak, Vance, and King Joe go to Delvan. You WILL appear. Eventually. Quote mindeth the cobwebs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sybre Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 Part 4 is out! I'm keeping it a surprise, except the journey to Delvan has just begun!Jiming, you are mentioned in this part, but you are called Reddorafian by a new villain. Quote mindeth the cobwebs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JiMing Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Why the name change? Quote Haven't seen one of these in a long time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sybre Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 Why the name change?Just a thief nickname. You are a street bandit at first.Part 5 is out! After defeating Gambit, the heroes arrive at Delvan and set off for their hotel. But Reddorafian stands between them and their destination. Can they survive and make it to their hotel to continue their adventure? Now's the time to know!An astonishing secret about Dondak is also revealed in this part.Excuse any mistakes. I was REALLY tired when I wrote Part 5. Quote mindeth the cobwebs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Joe Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Why??? Why did you not tell me about this epic sooner? I'm BA in it! The writing is a little noobish, but that will improve with time and practice. I'll tell you what someone else told me: first, every new line of dialogue should start a new line, and second, read what you've written out loud when you're done. It'll help it sound more natural.But not bad for a first go round! Quote My Old comics, Of Hedgehogs and Lego Bricks - My Epic, Hero Factory: The Biosteel ChroniclesTrifecta! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sybre Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) Why??? Why did you not tell me about this epic sooner? I'm BA in it! The writing is a little noobish, but that will improve with time and practice. I'll tell you what someone else told me: first, every new line of dialogue should start a new line, and second, read what you've written out loud when you're done. It'll help it sound more natural.But not bad for a first go round!I thought you'd notice! And what does BA stand for? Thank you for the tips, as well! But I enjoy my way of writing. But you're the reader. I'll try better in the future.Part 6 is officially out! JiMing explains who else roams Delvan and what other beings work under S.C.A.L.E. such as Gambit. Is the quartet REALLY safe in their comfy hotel room?It's your time to find out!Part 7 is out! Who is that strange flying creature following the quartet into the Pitch Black Market? And an old enemy returns, aiming to kill Sybre and his friends.Now's your time to read it! Edited February 16, 2012 by Didonchu Quote mindeth the cobwebs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Joe Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Here's what I thought as I read the latest chapter:Ooh, weapons, I hope I get something snazzy or awesome.Ooh, snazzy katana is snazzy and awesome.Ooh, ominous followy person is ominous.Oh snap, Vance is still alive.Ohsnap, Vance now has a personal vendetta against me.Ohsnap, Vance got stronger.O.O!CLIFFHANGER!!!!All in all, not a bad chapter. Again. I reccomend pre reading your chapters out loud, to make them sound more natural, but a new tip would be to describe things more. I'm sure you have an epic picture in your head of all of these events taking place with all rots of amazing details, but if you don't describe it to us, we don't get to see it in its full potential. Describe things like the sun glinting off of Vance's armor as he stepped out of the alley. Tell us exactly how the black market looked and smelled, and what the weapons dealer looked like. Do that and I can garuntee that your writing will improve tenfold. Quote My Old comics, Of Hedgehogs and Lego Bricks - My Epic, Hero Factory: The Biosteel ChroniclesTrifecta! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sybre Posted May 4, 2012 Author Share Posted May 4, 2012 New chapter finished! Quote mindeth the cobwebs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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