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How To Live An Exciting Life

How To Live An Exciting Life Stormy Studios Stormy Publishers How To Live A Exciting Life Jl1223 X JL Jl1223 Gaming Addicts

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#41 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Dec 23 2011 - 10:40 AM

You actually managed to nail Karo's personality. Excellent job with that.

Yay.

Never really thought of this until now, but is Lamp based off the character in Smashtasm?

Ahhhh..........No.Whatever is made by Machinima stays in Machinima.

And...HAPPY B-DAY!

Thanks! And a merry christmas to you!

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#42 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Dec 30 2011 - 10:34 AM

Chapter 30: The lack of awesomeness.JL and both Tahu's stared as Karo picked him the dragon, threw him away, then ran over and started kicking it, over and over, shouting something they couldn't hear because of the massive distance between the car and the location the stone dragon landed after the Toa of Stone combined his mask power with Xenon for some really epic slow mo pics.JL:....Dude? If I know anything about Xenon, its this - Its basically heroin except instead of killing you, it makes you kill others.Tahu: So...Is Karo a no-lifer from another universe?Tahu Nuva: Dude, If he was a no-lifer from another universe, that universe must have really weird things.JL: What could be weirder than our universe?=====Somewhere in a parallel universe.....Kristen Stewart: *Smiles*=====JL: Ok, maybe not weirder. Just as weird, I guess.Tahu: And just before anyone asks, I do not sparkle.===============Back at the airfield......Tahu Stars: Any last words, punk?Pridak: Yeah. You suck.Tahu Stars: Alright then.He held his pistol high up in the air, which was quite stupid since he was standing in toy size while at a human-sized airfield.Tahu Stars: Get ready to die. Everyone, ready your weapons!Everyone around them, including several Skrall, Bone hunters and Vorox, got out an assortment of very painful weapons, all of them untrained at using it. One of the Skrall Stars tried to do a cool pistol spin; He spun it on his arm and it hit him in the head. Tahu Stars facepalmed.Tahu Stars: Fire in 3.....2......Gresh: Before you shoot, let me tell you that in the SCOTA Official Guideline Handbook, it is stated in section 3, named appropriately as '3rd time we need to tell you about life', it says in page 98, paragraph 2, sentence 3, that before every and all executions we must be granted a last wish.Tahu Stars: We did. We asked for last words. And...what?Gresh: Oh. You don't know? You must comply to the last words unless it means you die. So, you must suck. Do you suck?Tahu Stars: Suck what?Pridak: Take a guess, sucker.Gresh: *Whispering* What are you doing?Pridak: Insulting him before I die.Gresh: I'd rather live.Pridak: Dude? You're a nerd.Gresh: Would you rather die or live a nerd?Pridak:........Pondering/Tahu Stars: Ok. We aren't sucking anything. We don't suck. I'm awesome.Gresh: Yeah, well, you have to grant another last wish then.Tahu Stars: Where are you coming up with all these rules?Gresh: The SCOTA Official Guideline handbook! Don't you know?.....Oh, you didn't read it, did you.Tahu Stars:.....Read what? What handbook?Pridak: Oh, he wrote it. Then he memorized everything. How lowlife is that.Tahu Stars: Why wasn't I told about it?Pridak: Why weren't you told you suck? Oh, yeah. Because you suck.===============In the Apartment......Jaller Inika was sitting, playing NDS with Hewkii when suddenly it dawned on him an old argument he had with Hewkii. It was a really weird argument, and also pretty awesome in his eyes. So awesome, indeed, that females knew nothing about the awesomeness. All he could think of, was 'Wow.'Jaller Inika: I think I'd have to go with the shark, dude.Hewkii Inika: No way. The lion would definitely win.Just then, Hahli stepped into the room.Hahli Inika: Hey, guys. What're you talking about?Hewkii Inika: Shark Vs. Lion, cage match....Who do you take.Hahli Inika: Well...is the cage in the water or out of the water?Jaller Inika: Obviously the cage is in the water, but there's a little island in the middle of it.Hahli Inika:.....Not very obvious. But yeah, I'll go with the shark.Hewkii looked towards Jaller, scratching his head.Hewkii Inika: Why the shark?Hahli Inika: I dunno. Fun guess.Jaller Inika: No, nonononononono. You don't play shark vs. lion with guesses. You play it with logic. It isn't time for women intuition, dude. Logic and reason in the discussion, only.Hahli Inika: But a shark and a lion would never logically fight each other.Hewkii Inika: You put a cage, on a little island on a water tank with a shark in it? I think its a very logical conclusion you will have a fight in your hands.Hahli Inika: But why would anyone logically ever do that?Jaller Inika: To know who would win the fight, of course!Hewkii Inika: Yeah. Do you know any other way to get a lion and a shark to fight each other without getting your arm bitten off or your eye gouged out?Hahli Inika couldn't help but facepalm. Uncool dudes.....Hahli Inika: Why would you even want them to fight in the first place?Jaller Inika: Hello! Because, it would be awesome!Hewkii Inika: You can't see that, can you. Can't you see that a lion fighting a shark would be awesome?Hahli slammed the door, leaving.Jaller Inika: How are you not getting this?Hewkii Inika: Can you imagine going through your life without knowing anything awesome?Jaller Inika:....Nope. I would die.Hewkii Inika: Yeah, well, its called being a girl.Jaller Inika:......Hewkii Inika:.......Jaller Inika: I'll buy the shark and the fishtank.Hewkii Inika: I'll buy the island and the lion and the cage.===============Back at the island.....Karo: See? Guys, stop being so lazy. Just put some effort, and done!He held up the remains of the Dragon - Rocks dripping with Xenon.Tahu: I'm not touching that.Tahu Nuva: Yeaaaaah, I'm not touching that either.JL: Ok. So, the dragon's dead because it was hit by you. Remind me to never get on your bad side.Tahu: Pfffft.JL:......Oh, right. Well, we'd better hurry. We should get going before it becomes night; Rather find a way to save the world than sleep. *Yawn*Tahu:.....Sleep deprived-JL: Nope. I'm sleeping. Create a fire so we don't freeze. Ok?Tahu: Too lazy. Get the other guy.JL: *Sigh* Tahu Nuva?.....Hello?Tahu Nuva: ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz.JL: Ugh. Stupid choobs! Fine! I'll do it myself!A blast of black lightning hit the ground, creating a fire, along with electrocuting a few Toa of Fire.JL: Karo, create some stone ring so the fire doesn't spread.Karo: ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.JL: Nope. I'm not doing anything even if it burns you. Suck on that, you lazy chickens.Later that night.....JL: ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz.....*Pop* Hmm....Why's it so warm?He looked up to see a forest fire and his friends sleeping. Wait, check that. Sleep deprived enemies. Annoyed, he picked up his sword, and rolled Karo over, who looked up, pretty annoyed at being woken up and oblivious to the fact that half of his body was on fire.Karo: Why'd you wake me up so early? Stupid....and why am I so warm?He looked up.Karo: AGH! AGH! FIREFIRE! WHAT HAPPENED WHY U DO THIS TO ME!Something evaporated on his waist as he rolled on the floor. Gross.
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#43 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Dec 30 2011 - 04:20 PM

JL: What could be weirder than our universe?

Bad, BAD question to ask.

Hewkii Inika: Why the shark?Hahli Inika: I dunno. Fun guess.Jaller Inika: No, nonononononono. You don't play shark vs. lion with guesses. You play it with logic. It isn't time for women intuition, dude. Logic and reason in the discussion, only.Hahli Inika: But a shark and a lion would never logically fight each other.

That's...always a good way to go.

Jaller Inika: How are you not getting this?Hewkii Inika: Can you imagine going through your life without knowing anything awesome?Jaller Inika:....Nope. I would die.Hewkii Inika: Yeah, well, its called being a girl.

....ouch.Good chappy, JL.-MT

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#44 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Jan 05 2012 - 09:55 AM

Chapter 31: And not a single #$%@ was given that day.At the airfield, which was pretty cool.....Tahu Stars: Mumble mumble chocolate cakes mumble nomnomnomagon.Skrall Stars: Numble Humble kill all chocolate nomnom.Tahu Stars: No kill chocolate nomnom.They turned towards Pridak and Gresh, who were back inside the tank.Tahu Stars: Alright! Come out! We have finished our...um....secret chat, and we have decided that we do not care about what you wrote! You are gonna die, and, um, Gresh, you're gonna die again.A speaker appeared on the tank, aimed at the Skrall Stars and Tahu Stars, along with all the other Visorak spiders doing the cleaning of the Airfield.Gresh: I am not gonna die.Pridak: Neither am I. We have decided that we will not give a #$%^. In fact, we will kill you all.Tahu Stars: What do you mean?Pridak: We have a tank aimed at you. We are killing you.A Skrall stars with a gold hairband (Actually, just a gold string tied around his head) turned towards Tahu.Gold Skrall: Sir, I told you about that - getting them into the tank so they can't listen to our talks wasn't a good idea.Tahu Stars: Why didn't you say so earlier?Gold Skrall:....I did, sir.Tahu Stars: Well, you suck.Pridak: Get ready in 3.....2.....1! Boom, Mother-*WHAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!*Gresh: Aw, darnit! Did we get him?Pridak: Yeah.....Darn. We didn't. But we did throw him pretty far.Tahu Stars's shield, generated by his mask, dissipated - a few kilometers away. He looked around him, and realized how far he was thrown away from home, and the fact that he had to walk back for so far.Tahu Stars: Aww, I hate my life! This sucks, man!=====At the Bionicle World.....JL: Well, you guys called it. I hate you. So bad, that I now know my mask power. Thanks for putting out the fire, you stupidly uncool dudes.Tahu Mata: Hey, don't blame me.JL: Yeah, I'm blaming you. You know I'm lazy. So why on earth didn't you create the fire?Karo:.....What?JL: And you. I hate you. You made me get my mask power.Karo: Gee, you should thank me for that!JL: I was told that I would find out my mask power when I found a really great fear.Karo:...Me?JL: I hate you. I hate you guys so much, I'm afraid to be near you because you'll just get me killed. Stay away from me.Karo:....Why?JL: You're idiocy. I hate you. You are an annoying....lazy...um.....Scum! You are an annoying, lazy scum!Tahu Nuva: And me?JL: Shut up! Or I'll electrocute you!Tahu Nuva: I'd like to see you try, you stupid Toa of Lightning!JL:....Y'know what? If I told you my mask power, you'd probably just mess up my mask. What about I kill you, and then tell you? Oh, right. Because your ashes are still gonna mess up my life. I'm just gonna electrocute you, bury you, and then bring you back from the dead so you can die again. So I'm gonna kill you. Electrified, noob!Tahu Nuva: You gonna-ZZZZZT!Tahu Mata: Oh, dude. Uglyyyy.Tahu Nuva: AHH! AHHHHH! MY CHEST ARMOR! IT FELL OFF! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!Tahu Mata: I didn't know you looked so ugly, dude.JL: Shut up. You both have the same body; Lego just decided for you that a small little black pimple was good enough for armor.Tahu Mata:.......Hey, you're right. I feel so sad now. Go die.Karo: You wish.Tahu Mata: Not you.Karo: But you said 'Go Die'. In fact, make sure to bury me in that really large hole underneath. It has shining gems. That is awesome.Tahu Mata: Sure! And - wait, what hole?Karo: Y'know, the one with underneath us. With that weird thing.JL:.....What weird thing?Karo: It's like those stuff which was on that book you drew.JL: I don't draw books.Karo: Well, its there.Tahu Mata: Why don't you tell us earlier? We could've just gone down there and found a way to win....something!Tahu Nuva: Yeah!Karo: Why do you assume that its gonna be what you need?Tahu Nuva: Well, all action movies have plots like this! Its right in front of your eyes, but you don't see it!.... What are you doing.Karo had faceplanted on the ground.Karo: Well, action movies I love, so if they're 'In front of your eyes but you don't see it,' I'm an action movie!JL: *Facepalm* I'll keep you guys around for the laughs. Lets go.A blast of lightning later, the 4 Toa were descending down, their car parked up above. They dropped down into the massive cave, and both Tahu's summoned a fire, which they nearly used to burn the opposite Tahu. Tahu Nuva shrieked.Karo: Here. Its so hot in here.....Oh no. Lava.Tahu Nuva: Oh no....fire.JL: Whatever. Whats the weird thing.Karo: That big guy over there.JL:........How's that 'big'?A smallish chubby bionicle stepped into the light. He wore spectacles, and his moved around uncomfortably in his body. A black jacket, grey tie, hat and black trousers. On his neck hung a heart shaped clock. He stepped forwards, and the glint of his glasses disabled the ability to 'see' his eye.?: My, my, my. Would you truly insult a person you don't know? Especially...me? I'm just trying to have some fun. Will you truly stop me from this?JL: I've heard of you. The fun you have.....its despicable. And yet, you share it with yourself, countless of times. And I still don't understand how that works.Tahu Mata:.....Insanity?Tahu Nuva: Stupidity??:.....Fail. No, I share it with my past and my future selves for fun. And each time I share, its something different, because its another part of the timeline I've meddled with.JL: So, it is you.Karo: You mean the paradox man?JL:.....No. Its him. Appearing here, he's gonna do something nice to us, and then something horrible. In fact, he is probably invincible, immortal, and can do so many things to the world that there are chances we would all hate it.?: Tell me one of the times I have done it.JL:.......WWI and WWII was probably by you.?: Good guess! What else?Tahu Mata: I'm butting in, but I think I know.?: Pray tell.Tahu Mata: When you took my video games for a week??: How about.....when I killed the 12 year old kid, and got you stuck in the Paradox?Tahu Nuva: I knew it! It WAS a Paradox! And it was so awesome..... Wait, you did that? Aww, I hate you!Tahu Mata: Well, at least we know why that........cool dude 12 year old is dead.Karo: Cool dude? 12 year old?JL: Long story, and he's 13.Karo: And dead.JL: Yeah.Karo: Dead.JL: Is that hard to believe? I mean, the fat boy said so.?: Another insult? My, my. You really want to die, don't you?JL: Nah. I'd rather insult you the most before I die of something insanely stupid.?: Well, I guess I can't blame you. After all, by the time I leave, either one of you is dead......or all of you are.=====Pridak: Ooooook. Tell me why the car has a drill.Gresh: You can go underground and that's pretty cool.Pridak: The point?Gresh: I dunno. Maybe some heavenly force decided to mess, and then the end result would be a few stupid guys drilling to the core and dying.=====?: However, I am who you think I am. So.....For the good thing, what do you think it will be?He dropped a dice, which bounced randomly....and landed at Karo's feet.Karo: 6!?: What luck. And to you. I guess you will have the glory of understanding Mebiox's current plan. If he succeeds, everyone dies. So, you will know how to stop him. Now....look at me.Eye contact was made, and suddenly, Karo fell on the floor, his eyes hazy and grey. Soon, he shook himself out of the stance.Karo:.........?: Now, do it. Or everyone dies.Karo: *Gulp*....There is no clue except the one in my head.JL: Well, that sucks. You'd probably forget, or mess it up.?: JL, you were right. It is one good thing and one bad thing this time. And what....is the bad thing?Another dice dropped.....landing a 6 at Karo's feet.JL: And you would leave the universe itself teetering on chance??: It has happened before. It will happen again. In fact, it just did. Karo is dead, and your world as you know it is gone. Your quest is a failure because the 1 clue is dead.JL: No. To get to Karo, you have to get through me.Tahu Mata: Well, me, but not me, cos I don't wanna die.?: You do know that.....It will not be me killing you if you stop obeying.JL: I don't know that. Now, leave.Tahu Nuva:....Are we dead yet??: Well, then. Perhaps.One more dice was dropped, and landed on the middle. All 4 peered to see, knowing the universe would depend on what was rolled.First person to guess who ? is will receive an awesome tip for life.

Edited by Jl1223 X, Jan 05 2012 - 09:56 AM.

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#45 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Jan 05 2012 - 12:05 PM

Tahu Stars: Mumble mumble chocolate cakes mumble nomnomnomagon.Skrall Stars: Numble Humble kill all chocolate nomnom.Tahu Stars: No kill chocolate nomnom.

Humble kill....guess that means no t-bagging after the kill.

Pridak: Neither am I. We have decided that we will not give a #$%^. In fact, we will kill you all.

THERE'S the Pridak we all know and love!KUTGW JL.-MT

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#46 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Jan 10 2012 - 09:05 AM

On a side note, I'mma use some prose for some parts. Hopefully it works.Chapter 32: Chaos Essence?: Sorry.Karo: What? What happened??: I'm leaving.Karo: That's great. Shoo. Bye.?: Bye.He vanished into the shadows; Shadows which broke into the sky, destroyed the dirt and mud (And a diamond, to Tahu Nuva's dismay) as it rocketed to the sky. It split into millions, then morphed back into one. Then, it split into 10, and flew off to different directions.===== Hydrona wasn't really sure what to do with the massive seaweed minion. He fought well. Heck, he fought like he couldn't be hit, always getting flapped around like how a blade of grass would when hit by a chopstick. However, he was always.......wavy. She sighed. It didn't matter now. Weedlord, as his name was, (Weird name, she knew.) was leader of his cohort, which was pretty messy, considering they were all waving their heads and bodies around. It really did look weird - a bunch of grass with arms and legs, a yellow-green frothy face filled with dirt, and eyes full of rage. As she surveryed more of her armies recruiters coming back and forth in the deep sea, a strange feeling could be felt. She was situated in the Atlantic ocean, far east of the human 'New York City'. So what was this noise? She could hear the screech, but she wasn't able to discern it until it was too late. A black shadow, physical, silent and messy, always having a different face and body, flew, ran, leapt and swam towards New York City. Hydrona knew what it was. Chaos Essence. She knew she had to stop this, but she wasn't sure how on earth that would happen. The laws of the universe had been broken, and order had let chaos flow through. And despite the fact that the Titans always killed and fought and destroyed, it was so they could rule over the humans and the matoran, although the humans were slightly more....stupid. Chaos, meanwhile, was technically the 'mother' of the world, alongside the mother of the Titans. She wanted to destroy Balance, her direct opposite, and also 'father' of the Titans. The Titans were born with the desire to control, to stop Chaos and Order together. It was a programmed rule in their mind, and they would do anything to stop....freedom. She thought back on all her knowledge of the legends, far before her time. Chaos essence were borne from Parthenogenesis by Chaos. Then......what had stopped them?...........There had to be something. She turned around, and the sea shifted around her. A swirl of bubbles later and she was gone.===== Destiny walked past the Titans jail, where their 'spirits' continued watching the current world news, all of them bickering over which channel they should watch. The only one who wasn't was the Titan of the atmosphere, and he was either sleeping or playing dead. From what Destiny could guess, it was a little bit of both. A shockwave hit them. Fate walked into the hallway, and everyone knew what had happened in less than a millisecond later. Fate looked at Destiny."Someone disobeyed the laws of the universe. Chaos essence is out, and we will all die if we don't stop them. However, we cannot engage in active war, and the Titans are also bent on world domination.""It has changed into a 3 way war. Chaos Essence will be dormant for a time, absorbing more and more chaotic energy created." Destiny replied. The Titan of the Atmosphere stepped up. At the same time, Fate unlocked the cage, and the Sky Titan stepped out. He said nothing, but he knew what had happened. He vanished into thin air, the smell of ozone replacing his presence. All the other Titans were also standing up."........You are yearning to come out, to achieve world domination and destroy the Chaos. And yet, all of you still don't know what it truly was that stopped Chaos from spreading. You would only strengthen them. But....." Destiny mused.Perhaps this was the way things were meant to be. No....It is the way things were meant to be......Was it? =====At the apartment.....Pridak: No...I find it dumb.Zaktan: Why?Gresh: I really don't understand. What, is he stupid?Pridak: Well, it was expected from the Tahu's that we have horrible, stupid leaders.Gresh: But still, really? We have a death penalty....for jumping off buildings?Zaktan: Well, I don't know. I find it pretty reasonable.Pridak: Well, your world is literally opposite. I mean, you can see your spine. That makes your life opposite....life.Zaktan: Sure. But, I think its good. You jump off a building, you get punished by death.Gresh: Well, thats the point. You're gonna die anyways. The punishment should probably be something like 'If you jump off a building and you die, your innards will be fed to the crows. If there are any survivors, you will be shot.Zaktan: Hey, I remember something. Didn't you fall off a building back in the summer?Gresh:....Dude, no. No. No. That was some really big guy's prank. Its not the summer now, so no. I'm not dead, and I'm not gonna die.Pridak: I still find this law dumb. C'mon, lets find another so we can actually win a debate to get the crown on our heads.Gresh: For the last time. there isn't a crown! There's just the senate council, and you're already in it! Geez! Why do I even hang out with you?Zaktan: Take a guess.===== Mebiox sat in the massive chair, inside a massive fortress. Well, it wasn't really a fortress. It grew taller around 1 millimeter a day, and the only thing that was there were a U-shaped table, and chairs all around it. Mebiox sat in the one beside the direct middle one. His chair was always changing, sometimes not even there, sometimes wood, sometimes metal, sometimes glass, although it always had a distortion in it. A swirl of water which splashed onto the floor and disappeared in seconds alerted the Titan of Space to Hydrona, sitting on her chair made of sand and water. The chair of the deep sea, it was said to be. Mebiox knew why. Spirits of sea monsters so old he had forgotten, trapped inside this chair made of the water from the lowest point on earth. It would take time to summon each of these beasts, but they would serve in the war. He turned towards the Titan of the sea. "You came because?""I saw it. Chaos is back, and once again interfering.""You forget that we are Titans, the children of Chaos and Order.""You forget that Chaos Essence is literally Chaos herself. Her own essence ripped out to create Chaos. I've come to talk to you about that.""Hydrona. Arrogant as always. We are strong.""Am I truly as arrogant as the one who stands here doing nothing? Until our brother is back, we aren't at full strength. If Chaos manages to gain enough power during that time, everyone will die. We....we need to find the clues.""Those? They are myths. We are the only warriors of order - we will conquer, and everyone will follow what we say, or die.""This was the reason why Aexid hated you. You always thought you were strong. Well, you have to admit that someday, something will be stronger than you. Chaos and Order are things far above us. The universe is on the balance - the times when this balance was tipped lead to horror and death. I'm going to find it, and I'm going to make sure the balance of power isn't tipped towards Chaos.""You are weak.""And you are stupid. Someday, you will thank me when I save your life.""The myth of Order Beasts is insane. Listen to yourself! Beasts! of Order? Think of how dumb that is.""Not as dumb as you, brother." A swish of water and the Titan was gone.=====JL: Well, that sucked. Now we doomed the world around 10 times, and to save it we'd probably die, get reborn, and die a lot more, along with pain and suffering and all that stupid stuff that comes with prophecies, blah blah blah.Tahu Mata: I don't think it was that bad. I like rolling dices. Usually they give me money. Plus, Dice made Battlefield 3. Thats a good game, albeit the fact that when I sprint, I trip on a rock.JL:...No, dude. DICE made it, not a Dice.Karo: C'mon guys. We're going home.JL: What? Why?Karo: The guy said that we have to go home. To the city. The ancient golem, that monster activated by Mebiox, is going to destroy the world by cutting off heat. And the place it will start that is to go down a volcano. And the only volcano in this region is the one back home.Tahu Nuva:....Well then, come on. We're going home.=====Somewhere in the Atmosphere...The Titan of the Sky looked down. While he was floating above the clouds, his eyes could see all the way down to the bottom of the ocean. And then he saw it. The Titan of the Sky, more commonly known as Aexid, pointed his sword towards what he saw.Rock rose. A mountain rose. An entire city rose from the depths of the water, and into the atmosphere. Massive clouds hid this island from whatever was outside. Aexid smiled. Inside this rock, at the top of it, was his home. Refurbishment would come soon. This was one of the places which actually existed in human legend, although it wasn't exactly...true.Sometimes, it was known as 'Mu.' Other times, it was known as 'Laputa'. But Aexid knew its real name. Its full name.

Its Ancient Name.


Edited by Jl1223 X, Jan 10 2012 - 09:12 AM.

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#47 Offline King of the Madness Isles

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Posted Jan 11 2012 - 05:17 PM

Ooh, epic plot lines.Also I heard that you could get arrested for jumping off a building in some U.S. state. Apparently you can in an apartment in China, too.I used to not know if you had Skyrim, but after seeing your sig, do you have Skyrim?
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"The moral of the story is, I chose a half measure when I should have gone all the way. I'll never make that mistake again. No more half measures Walter."


#48 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Jan 11 2012 - 05:21 PM

Nice chappy. Missed some of the jokes, but the epicness was nice.You're a pretty good prose writer, for the record.-MT
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#49 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Jan 15 2012 - 08:03 AM

Achievement Unlocked: Write Book Report without reading book - √Happy.

I used to not know if you had Skyrim, but after seeing your sig, do you have Skyrim?

No, but I want it. But i'd rather play FPS games, especially BF3 for now. I love trolling people in that game since its so....'possible'.I remember that time when I put C4 on my jet, landed it beside an enemy sniper (Yeah.), made him see it, then BOOM!

You're a pretty good prose writer, for the record.

Would you like to see more? (Rhetorical question.)Chapter 33: SuicidalAt the Replica Mata-Nui.....A Matoran continued editing the newspaper. It was a pretty dumb job - everyone who sent in something to be written in it is dumb. So, after quite a few years of getting dumber, he just decided to not care and let all the stupid things in. Bad idea, bad. When over 9000 matoran called asking if he was retarded, he was kind of annoyed that they hadn't realized it was their society sending in the articles. He took a look at the newest excerpt.Anonymous says: To all you hunters killing animals for food, Shame on you. You should go to the store and buy the meat that was made there, where no animals were harmed.The Matoran couldn't help but think every newer generation was getting dumber and dumber. He looked at the massive mob below the newspaper's office building. 3 matoran were screaming for the stupidity of all the articles, while around 50 old ladies held up signs saying they shouldn't remove the small dog from the comic. He turned around, about to listen to Metallica when he heard a massive cannon, the explosion of lots of rock, a roar, and lots of old women footsteps and moaning. He looked out the window and was slapped in the face by the Ancient Golem, who seemed to have just gotten out of a pool of lava, his eyes currently crying flames. Or was that magma? Either way, he seemed to be melting himself too. Kinda creepy, especially when the building melted too.Matoran: AHHHHHHHHHH! *Splash* BLUBLBUBBJUPUHOTHTOHTOHTOTHOTHOHDARN!=====JL flew above the massive islands, his laser pointer in his hand. Both of the Tahu's were running below him, while Karo was leaping from tree to tree, Xenon levels low and controlled. However they soon reached a beach, and the city was across the sea. He could see it, and it looked pretty dull, pollution coming up from around 1 area. But, how could they swim there? Oh, well. No time to worry, as he plucked Tahu Nuva and Tahu Mata from the air.JL: Hold on to each other.All 3 rocketed into the sky, Tahu Mata screaming for dear life and Tahu Nuva screaming to fire him. JL ignored both of them when he got high enough that he could fling them across the ocean. However, he didn't exactly fling them; Rather, he dropped them. Both Tahu's heated up their swords to help control where they were going while hugging each other. Then they screeched, realizing what they were doing. Then they just decided not to care.Tahu: If we don't make it....Let me just tell you that I loved you!Tahu Nuva: I love me to! AHHHHHHHHHHH!*Whump*Meanwhile, JL continued flying forwards, while Karo simply swam, his Mask of Strength on to help propel him faster. JL was surprised he didn't sink - maybe there was a sea monster Karo was afraid of.10 minutes later.....JL caught sight of the Ancient Golem, and went on a steep dive, aiming for its eyes. It swiped, and JL was slapped sideways, his momentum propelling him into the side of the volcano, where he made a pretty big indentation. Karo swam onto the beach, and shuddered.Karo: I...am never.....going to swim again. I wet my pants!Using his power over stone, he completely crushed the ancient golems right leg, forgetting that he could've done this before. However, the lava spewing from its eyes simply reformed, this time much harder than normal. Karo sighed. Why were there so many plans for setbacks? It's like planception. Boring.Meanwhile, Tahu Mata and Tahu Nuva were running around, blasting the massive rock with fire while removing the heat from its lava. As the ancient golem got fatter and fatter, it also got more annoyed. It punched itself, ripped its stone, and gave itself a 6-pack abs made of rock hard rock.Tahu Mata: So many counter attacks and stuff....suckish. OP.They continued blasting him with fire and crushing his legs, while JL dazedly walked out of the crater he had made.JL: Uhhhhh.....=====At the Apartment.....A knock on the door was heard. Horrifically, Pridak was the one who opened it. Pretty good it did him when he was blown back by a high pressured stream of salt water, and then thrown into a portal to reappear again in front of a stream of water. Hydrona stepped into the Apartment, and stared at Pridak in the eye, which was pretty cool seeing as he was being hurled around at 50 kph.Hydrona: Where are your leaders?Pridak: Brshshshhh-*GASP* Vacation.....Rich ********. I used to hate them...until I became one.Hydrona: Then tell them that this war is now a 3 way war.Pridak: Dude, I'm not involved. Don't get me involved.Mebiox couldn't believe it. Were the Titans this weak now? Asking for help, at least indirectly.Pridak: Do not get me involved. I don't want to die. Please, I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die!Hydrona: You won't die if you get involved-Pridak: OH LORD NO! NOOOO! I DON'T WANNA DIE! NO! NO!Hydrona: I'll slap you.Pridak: BETTER THAN DYING!Hydrona: The slap will be as strong as a tsunami - you'd drown from physical contact.Pridak:....Oh, dear.He zipped away, somehow escaping the portals and the water, quite miraculously to the 2 Titan's eye.Hydrona:....Interesting. How powerful it is, the powers which can be evoked in these Bionicles when the circumstances come. Perhaps....perhaps they can hold out against chaos after all.Mebiox:........sure.=====At the island..... JL felt bad. Very bad. Bad enough that he felt like puking all over the ancient golem's eye, which made him curious as to what the gas version of vomit smelt like. It wasn't helping that the ancient golem held him in magma hot stone, and shaking him around like how babies would shake their toys. He wondered if this was what it was like to be a toy - shook around until your head pops off, your joints don't work and you die. However, he did managed to create lightning strong enough to blast the Ancient Golem's arm off. JL dropped to the ground, drew his sword, and pointed it Skyward."This is not a Zelda rip off. Zelda ripped me off!" JL shouted as thunder struck his sword, electrifying it with 10000 volts of electricity. He swung at the Ancient Golem's right leg, and the electricity coursed out in the shape of the sword and cut right through. The Ancient Golem screamed, magma spewing from his arm and leg. During that time, Karo had been continuously trying to hack a limb off. The Xenon didn't help - smells of burnt coffee and caffeine made him hyper. However, when he saw how both the leg and arm had been shoved off, he focused his elemental power, and the Ancient Golem found that it couldn't remake its limbs. Tahu Nuva soon joined in, removing the heat from its magma eyes, leading to it being blinded."How d'ya like that, punk?" Tahu Nuva insulted, "That was just a tiny bit of my power!""ROAAAAARRR!" The Ancient Golem retaliated, as it slammed its other fist into the ground, where it felt he could hear them. Tahu Nuva was knocked back, but Karo managed to block with his Mask of strength. He increased the Xenon levels, and used the enhanced strength and speed to kick the Golem back. The massive rock monster found a hole where its fist should be. It screeched in pain....until it couldn't hear anything. It used the small blunt that was his remaining arm and used it to poke his ear. He found the arm melted by something the size of a toothpick."Take that, mother-....mother-.....I can't say it." Tahu mumbled, as he removed the heat from the rest of the magma, which Karo used to turn the massive golem into a rock statue. JL proceeded to send a lightning bolt down from the sky, shattering it into a pile of rocks."Well, that's that." JL said as he looked around."Kinda sucks that we destroyed a village in the process, but who cares. Economy rebuilds." Tahu replied. JL eyed him."It would if Obama was president. Unfortunately, you and Tahu Nuva are president, at least technically speaking.""Hey! I can do better than Obama!""Liar, Liar, pants of fire." At that comment, Tahu Nuva lit Tahu Mata's legs on fire. JL found that slightly amusing."....Y'know, you are also one of the...'presidents' too. Meaning that, y'know....you're just as dumb as Tahu.""....."

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#50 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Jan 16 2012 - 08:28 AM

Achievement Unlocked: Write Book Report without reading book - √

That's easy. Here's the hard one: Pass Chemistry test without studying.

Hydrona: I'll slap you.Pridak: BETTER THAN DYING!

Go straight to what he's most afraid of: A Chuck Norris kick.

"It would if Obama was president. Unfortunately, you and Tahu Nuva are president, at least technically speaking."

Refraining from comment.When do Tahu and Tahu Nuva get to do their state of the union, anyway?Good chappy, JL.-MT

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#51 Offline King of the Madness Isles

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Posted Jan 19 2012 - 06:01 PM

I have to say, that was an awesome fight scene against the Ancient Golem, and how they destroyed him.

Refraining from comment.

Same.

JL dropped to the ground, drew his sword, and pointed it Skyward."This is not a Zelda rip off. Zelda ripped me off!"

Sure.

I can point my sword more skyward then you I'll bet.


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"The moral of the story is, I chose a half measure when I should have gone all the way. I'll never make that mistake again. No more half measures Walter."


#52 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Feb 01 2012 - 08:55 PM

I do not apologize.No.Chapter 34: Order Beasts - Bane of chaos, bringer of doom.At the city, currently in its old, village like version.....JL: I feel like we miss something.Karo: We always miss something. Life sucks.Tahu: The world sucks. If it didn't, we'd fall off.JL: He wasn't talking about the world. He was talking about his life. All our lives. They suck.Tahu Nuva: Well, let me just tell you a good tip. When everything's coming towards you, there' a 99% chance you're in the wrong lane, and you'd be dead soon later.JL: Dangit! Whats gotten into you?Karo: Where's our perfectly good car?Tahu: So THATS what we're missing! Good lord, wake up, you three! C'mon! Fly me there!JL: No. I'm doing this myself. **** you guys.So he flew away.Tahu: That was.....weird.Karo: So, we're stranded here, on this chunk of rock....Tahu: MY chunk of rock.Karo:....You own the place.Tahu Nuva: And me.Tahu: Shut up. Yeah, I do.Karo: So where's the amusement parks? Water parks? Zoo? TV station? Gamestop?Tahu Nuva: You just came to our world from some dumb parallel universes where the evil people get powers from coffee, meaning that all the good guys must suck a LOT!Karo:.......Coke?Tahu: Hahaha! Thats like, the better version of sprite.Karo:....Where's Megaupload?Tahu Nuva: **** you, Lamar Smith, **** you!Karo: I take it this Lamar Smith is gonna be your worlds version of Mom jokes.Tahu: What is this 'Mom' you speak of?Karo: You don't know?Tahu: Apart from being the female parent of humans, nope.Tahu Nuva: What has this world come to???====Far above the Bermuda Triangle, or the Bionicle World, JL flew. Slowly, he gazed down. Massive islands, some inhabited, some not. Cities, here and there. Beach resorts all around. It would have been a beautiful sight.....If not for the chaotic spacial sphere surrounding one of the islands. Unfortunately, it was also the island where the car was. And when some super high tech machine gets caught in a spacial distortion with what looked like a titanic battle inside, JL doubted it would survive. Still, it was worth a look. He dropped into a deep dive.First sight he sees is a black form. No face, no body. It was made of gas, liquid and solids. Black, and always moving. Obviously a chaos beast. But it was fighting something else, a massive blue...was it some kind of dragon?...thing that had blue and white-grey armor. JL stopped above the special distortion. The blue draconic beast looked distorted, but the Chaos beast didn't look like anything. Was it worth it, taking a step down? JL watched.....as something like 2 small cubes hit him in the head. Stunned at the fact that he had just been attacked, he turned around, only to have one wing come into contact with the sphere. As he was sucked in, he could see the objects - 2 dice.The Meddler.JL fell through, no problem. However, he felt like his molecular had just been disbanded and recreated in the milliseconds which he used to drop down. And down, he dropped, towards the arm of the Chaos beast. Before it touched, however, he sent a thunderbolt towards its face. A black one. It didn't do anything, but turned to face him. With no face. Creepy. JL dropped onto the floor and looked at it in the.... wherever the eye should be. And JL could sense its emotions, more curious at that he just did than experiencing anger and fear.A black hole appeared, and then disappeared when the Chaos Beast became the black hole. Sighing, he sat down.....until he ended up inside the dragon type beast's mouth. A few seconds past until he was spat out, onto the dragons hand."What the heck was that for?" JL mumbled as he wiped some beastly spit from his mask."You know who I am." was the response."I don't." JL claimed."Really....."JL sent a thunderbolt to the dragon's left eye and he backflipped, landing on his feet on the dirt. The spacial distortion was now clearing. He looked up at the dragon, only to see it manipulating a ball of electricity - black electricity."Plan A didn't work." The dragon said."Actually, I have asian origins. Plan 哎 didn't work. Still a few thousand more back up plans." JL responded sarcastically."All of them will not work at your current level.""I don't have Skyrim.""Whats that?""You've been locked up for a long time, right? On one hand, you should be weak, but on the other hand-""There are fingers.""You have been locked up for a long time," JL said as he readied his sword. To his right, he saw the car, still perfectly fine."You know who I am."""You are the 10th Order beast. Feared, hated, because your duty is to enforce law, dumb laws, even those like SOPA.""Is that all you know me as?""Yes. You belong to order, but not to good. You will very gladly enslave the world if it means the world will be in order.""...............I know you.""I know me too. Finally, we have a common point. Should we speak out our negotiations...like a sir?" JL questioned, lowering his sword.The 10th dragon beast nodded....then, before JL could react, sent and energy blast. JL would have died, if the dragon had been on target. He turned and ran. The dragon did nothing. JL leapt for the car, which opened its door. And so, JL drove off the island."We shall meet again.....and when that happens, it would do you good to have a different view of me..........."======That was close! Very close! JL nearly died. As he continued driving (On the water), he turned around to look at the dragon. The dragon stared back at him. And JL knew that if the dragon wanted to kill him, he would be dead.=====At the apartment.....Zaktan: ARE! YOU! DONE! YET?!Pridak looked down from the kitchen counter, his face brown.Pridak: THAT! IS! A! GOOD! QUESTION! AND! WHY! ARE! WE! TALKING! LIKE! THIS!Zaktan: Are you done yet?Pridak:......Zaktan:......Pridak:......Zaktan: Are you-Pridak: No.Zaktan: C'mon! We need your help!Pridak: The 16 bottles of Nutella need my help. They need me to eat them, so they can die in piece knowing that they were eaten by a king!Zaktan:.....Pridak:......Zaktan:......You can bring the-Pridak: No.Avak: *Walks in* Hey guys! Woah! Pridak, you just went pro in basketball?Zaktan: Racist.Avak: Naw, dude, thats awesome! Now me and him and go dunkin on that tool, Duncan Bulk!Pridak: No, dude. I'm just eating Nutella.Avak: Nutella? Where?Zaktan: Aww, shucks.20 seconds later.Pridak: NO! DO NOT STEAL MY NUTELLA! *Punches Avak in the jaw*Avak: *Holds onto 1 Nutella jar, bringing it backwards with him* NO! MINE! MINE!Zaktan: Now I have two of them. They should make Nutella illegal - its like the violent version of weed, which also makes everyone angry instead of insanely happy.Kalmah: *Walks in with weird red eyes* Yeah.....Happy.....*Leaves*Zaktan:......What the heck just happened? Meh. Seriously though, you guys need to stop. You keep on fighting and you're gonna throw the Nutella up and its gonna land on you.Avak pulls hard, and pulls the lid off. Pridak pulls hard to, and the combined force mixed with the worlds horrible laws of physics to make the Nutella jar tip. Both of the screamed as it fell off the kitchen counter, flipped, and landed on Zaktan. Hahli Mahri walks in.Hahli Mahri:....Zaktan: Back to the kitchen, lady.She turned around and left the kitchen.Zaktan:....Oh, the irony.
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#53 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Feb 02 2012 - 06:30 PM

Tahu: So THATS what we're missing! Good lord, wake up, you three! C'mon! Fly me there!JL: No. I'm doing this myself. **** you guys.

Must've made a terrible loftwing.

That was close! Very close! JL nearly died. As he continued driving (On the water), he turned around to look at the dragon. The dragon stared back at him. And JL knew that if the dragon wanted to kill him, he would be dead.

Well, the dragon, and the Death Star, and Ridley, and lots of other people...

Pridak: No, dude. I'm just eating Nutella.Avak: Nutella? Where?Zaktan: Aww, shucks.

Ew. o_OGood chappy, JL.-MT

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#54 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Feb 13 2012 - 08:09 AM

Darn, my macbook is getting old. Broke down.Bad thing is, I didn't back up. All my stuff is gone. I'll see if I can get the chapter I'm writing up....Ayah, obviously Apple puts dumb scripts in their products to break down after several years as money making techniques.AGH!EDIT: Got my mac back.Stickies gone.Curse word here.

Edited by Jl1223 X, Feb 15 2012 - 01:13 AM.

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#55 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Feb 15 2012 - 08:28 PM

Chapter 35: Now what?At the city.... Karo and both Tahu's waited, standing on the beach. Soon, a car drive up, which they recognized as the one they owned. Karo sprinted up happily while JL started messing with the knobs. JL got out, and gave Tahu a don't ask look, after Tahu gave him a *** just happened look. Karo simply jumped on the car and hugged the door. "Its my car!" He exclaimed happily. "No, it isn't. It's mine." Tahu said as he walked up. Karo gave him a confused look. "What do you mean? I used it." Karo said quizzically."So? Just because you used it, doesn't mean its yours. Example: I'm a toy - I get used so many times, I am always dirty and wet from washing away the dirty stuff which I get from getting shoved into some dirty places, and pulled out and played with again, and then shoved back into that dirty place. I'm still my owner's toy." Tahu stated."Yeah, but, I used it first.""Its my car. I can let you borrow it, but-""Fine. You win this time, Toa of Fire. But I get to borrow the car permanently.""What the? No! That doesn't make any difference other than it being differently worded.""But you said I could borrow it.""Borrow means for a limited amount of time.""So permanently borrow means I get to borrow it forever!""Does that not defeat the purpose of borrowing?" Tahu asked, annoyed."Uh, no? I mean, there's the word borrow in it." Karo said back."Ugh. You're so hard headed, Karo.....All the time.""I'm hard. Smooth and hard. I'm so hard, that I'm rock hard, such that if I get put into dirty places, the dirty place retracts away and screams from pain and fear and stuff.....All the time." JL walked up."Dude, why do I get the feeling that this suddenly progressed into sick, sick things?"Tahu looked at him in the eye. "Dude, I don't think you're cleared for this type of talking, Dude.""Dude, just....wrong. Anyways, tell them to get the portal back up.""How do we do that?" Karo wondered."A phone, dum dum!" Tahu said as he slapped Karo across the face."....Ok. So, we need a phone," Karo said, "Problem is, we don't have one."JL facepalmed. "Yeah, like you have anything." Tahu Nuva was already snoring. He started sleeptalking about bubbles, then sleep walked away."I miss my video games," JL mumbled, "So if you don't get a phone quick, I'm going to kick you."Karo walked away, then turned around and whispered back, "Why do I get the feeling that you want me to get this phone you are talking about."=====At the floating Isle..... Aexid looked at the floating island that was his. Somewhere, deep in his mind, the version of him which spent all his time on the internet, something only he got out of all the titans, said, "No **** dude." He slapped himself as he looked at the ruins of the floating island. He looked at the structure, and realized that it wasn't at its former glory. All the buildings and stuff, crumbled. He looked down. The Bionicle world was there, but he knew that in a few hours, he would seen be somewhere over Asia as this island, the original island, rotated itself around the earths equator, staying the longest while on top of what the humans called the Bermuda triangle. And one of the funny things were, they kept on going Kamikaze on the islands. Well, not exactly Kamikaze. Old technology didn't work when past the spatial barriers - the modern day tech made by humans worked, but in oldern times, radio contact would be lost, radars are gone, everything. And the humans couldn't see the islands, on the sea of in the sky, that was part of the Bionicle World. "Boom, %&*@#!", his inner internet version shouted. And Aexid had good reason to know why. He started walking up the island - floating in the sky, around the size of Hawaii. It was here that a mountain was located - in the middle of the island which could serve as a city. At first, it was the city, but then starts the long road. The most visually similar road would be that of Minas Tirith, leading up to the summit. Except the summit was a temple. A temple which contained a time gear...... The temple was probably broken. Maybe that was why blue and purple energy, powerful, very powerful, energy radiated from up there. He started to walk up the massive, long road spinning all around the mountain. Each step he took, the air around him freshened.=====At the apartment....Pridak: Order! Order! I call for some...orderly....how does it work?Around the senate table (Toilet bowl, because the table was too far away for Pridak to walk without getting tired), Pridak sat on the high chair, made of a soap bar and a lot of toothpicks. Everyone else just sat on some place. Tahu Stars was dumped inside the toilet bowl, struggling to swim.Tahu Stars: Its hard to swim when there are holes in my legs, arms, everything!Pridak: Shut up and help me! Oh, and by the way, Zaktan, my crown keeps on falling off my head.Zaktan: Maybe if you put it on that really stiff thing sticking from the top of your head.Pridak: My arms...don't reach. Dangit, Lego! Why'd you always make us have moving disabilities?Zaktan: Well, 2 ways of disabling that, I know of.Pridak: TELL ME! TELL ME, DANGIT!Zaktan: Energy manipulation can change you. The human's basically call it 'magic'.Pridak: You do that by.....?Zaktan: The Bionicle version was lost some ages ago.Pridak: DAG NAB ITTTT! ALL THE GOOD STUFF IS ALWAYS LOST IN AGE! And now, we live in a world where cute girls aren't popular and clever people are called nerds!Zaktan:....Are you saying you're a cute girl nerd or something?Pridak: ......*Ken Jeong* SHUT UP!Tahu Stars: Dude, you're a mad, mad person.=====Takanuva walked while eating his cookie. His Ussanui, which was capable of hovering, was parked close. He was at the portal, which was powered by the weird Olmak. He clicked a few buttons, turning it on. Then, he changed the location, while he held up his earplugs, and put them on. (Somehow possible through the use of duct tape.) He got on the Ussanui, and drove off. However, his one crucial mistake was he did not clean up his cookie crumbs. It took 20 seconds for Gadunka, who was currently in hibernation due to winter, in the fish tank, to climb out, eat the crumbs with his massive teeth somehow, and accidentally click on a button on the portal.=====Somewhere in the Staples Center, LA.....Takanuva: YES! FINALLY! GRAMMY AWARDS! I CAN LIKE, KILL JUSTIN BIEBER OR SOMETHING! YESSSSS!Portal behind him: *Closes*Takanuva: *Turns around*......Where the portal was:......Takanuva:.......Where the portal was:......Takanuva: Still totally worth it!
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#56 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Feb 16 2012 - 08:37 PM

Good chappy, as usual. A bit serious, but serious is ok sometimes.-MT
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#57 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Feb 25 2012 - 10:22 PM

Chapter 36: The first enemy of both humanity and bionicles!Takanuva, on his Ussanui, simply flew towards the structure. He also had tickets for something. A devious grin appeared on his face as he parked his Ussanui on a open air parking spot and walked off towards the structure. As he did so, he looked up at the massive posters.JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERTTakanuva wanted to use his light to blast it, but then there would be a 0.00002 window where light simply shines on it, meaning he'd be giving Justin Bieber fame for a certain amount of time. Totally not worth it. So he simply walked on, oblivious to the fact that a car couldn't see his 8 inch Ussanui and had rolled over it while parking on the same spot. Takanuva walked in and gave his tickets. The guy who received the tickets looked at him.Guy who took the tickets: Aren't Bionicle's supposed to be dead?Takanuva: Aren't you supposed to be letting me in?Guy who took the tickets: But you're not human!Takanuva: *Takes out plastic staff* Problem, Officer?Guy who took the tickets: Um.....yes.Takanuva: Final chance!A long line of people who hadn't been able to get in moaned at the Guy who took the tickets.Takanuva: Hmm?Guy who took the tickets:.....Please leave right now, or-Takanuva: *Jabs staff into Guy who took the tickets' foot*Guy who took the tickets:.....What the..Takanuva: Die, you noob!Guy who took the tickets: Noob? What are you-Takanuva channeled his elemental energy through his staff. A golden white light exploded from it, and focused itself into a laser. Due to wearing a black shoe, the Guy who took the tickets foot was cut off even quicker. Blood came from the loss of foot, and then evaporated in the heat. Takanuva shut off his power.Guy who took the tickets: WAAAAHAHA! MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY!Takanuva: Yeah, and go back to your mommy's basement! Stupid person stopping people from killing JB.Random guy in the crowd: I thought it was BJ. That was why I came. Not stupid JB. BJ.Takanuva: What the......what? Shut up, I'm here to kill him.=====In the BW..... Tahu, Tahu Nuva, Karo and JL were running on a street. Actually, it was just Karo running. Tahu, Tahu Nuva and JL were just walking along trying to pretend they didn't know the Toa of Stone running away from an angry mob of Matoran and Toa. "I'm sorry I took all your moneeeeyyy!" Karo shouted as he sprinted from one street to the other in the 'Ta-Koro' of the city. Actually, it wasn't really Ta-Koro anymore, since it was now very connected with all the other villages, with super structures and stuff. Tahu wondered if this was what Tahu Stars did in his spare time while being deputy leader. He then wondered if he could to so himself. He doubted it. "Return my money!" "I'm gonna keeeel you!" "Die, son of a $%^&*!" were several of the things that was said while Karo continued running away. "WELL THEN, SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!" Karo said sarcastically as he activated his mask while increasing the amount of Xenon in his body being used. JL watched while pretending to be as ignorant as possible while Karo accidentally tripped and barrel rolled into a building. He stood up, completely ignoring the fact that the building's weight was crushing down on him due to his massive power, and walked out of the place unharmed. What luck. The building came crushing down on the matoran and Toa, the latter of which, having never trained in their powers, could only attack themselves as they were smashed from the top by a building brought down by an incompetent Toa's incredible luck. "I'm awesome," Karo joked, unaware he was joking. "So merciless," Tahu Nuva said, "But why don't you have a weapon you can use?" As if on cue, a stone staff formed itself while attached onto Karo's back. Its tip poked through a random lamp post, which came down and shattered a Businessmatoran's suitcase. Inside was a well placed phone. "Whats with you an your luck?" JL asked as he picked it up and dialed a number. "Whats luck?" "........" *Ring Ring!* "Hello?"=====Somewhere in the Apartment.....Phone: *Ring Ring!*Zaktan: *Picks up phone* Hello! Who is this?Phone: Zaktan? Is there a morally better person I can speak to?Zaktan: JL? Hey! Long time no see?Phone:.......Anyone else around here?Zaktan: Nope, other than Mr. Invisible.Pridak: I don't think I'm very invisible.Zaktan: No, I meant the guy who's touching you right now.Pridak:......What the heck? What exactly is wrong with you?Zaktan: Bad joke?Pridak: You are the bad joke king.Phone: Back on topic, please?Zaktan: There was no topic.Phone: I was going to say the topic, but then you answered the phone.Zaktan: Hey! I am a perfectly fine person to answer phones!Phone:.......I doubt it.Zaktan: WELL YOU SHOULDN'T! GO DIE IN A HOLE OR SOMETHING! *Smashes phone*=====In the BW...... JL cringed as the phone smashed. And then sighed. "So, are they opening the portal?" Tahu questioned. "No. In fact, I don't think anything productive is going to be done today," JL replied, "Other than the bad joke king making bad jokes." Suddenly, Karo kneeled down on the floor and did worship motions, while using his element to create a chair with the word 'Studip' engraved on it. "All hail the BJ king." Karo said in a monotone voice. Everyone looked at him. "Bad joke?" "It wasn't a joke, and you deserve to sit on that chair." Tahu said. =====Somewhere in America.....Takanuva sighed as he resisted the urge to blast Justin Bieber's face as he sang his songs. The only time he felt like it was mildly ok was when Jaden Smith came and sang, and by that time, Takanuva had already given up all hope on humanity creating song lyrics.Takanuva: REPETITIVE WORDS ARE REPETITIVE!Girl: AHHHHHHH! AHHHHHH! ITS JUSTIN BIEBER!!!! AHHHHHH!Takanuva: Will you please, SHUT UP!All the girls around him: AHHHHHHHHHH!Takanuva: THATS IT! I CAN'T HANDLE IT ANYMORE!He drew his staff, and blasted a laser at Justin Bieber's face. However, Justin Bieber managed to block - and deflect it - directly at Takanuva, while holding a sword. Already, people stopped playing music and dancing and stuff. Justin Bieber growled - something his high pitched voice never could have done.Justin Bieber: *Weird, low voice* So.....a real bionicle has dared to come and face off against me, the mighty Justin Bieber?Takanuva: Ok, this just gets getting weirder and weirder. I can't handle it anymore. First humanity creates a Justin Bieber, and the Justin Bieber knows of us Bionicles? What?Justin Bieber: HAHAHAHA! Foolish Toa! I am not Justin Bieber! Justin Bieber is just a useless name! My real name is......JOUSTING BEAVER!!!!!As if on cue, his body morphed into a Toa - except he was actually several feet tall, unlike Takanuva, who was in toy size because he wasn't in the BW. Justin Bieber/Jousting Beaver was a Toa of Water. Maybe that explained his high pitched noise. However, his Toa form had a much, much lower voice than his human form, where it was obvious his feminine side came out.Jousting Beaver: I was granted the ability to sustain my regular Toa form in the Human world by Axes. You cannot. I win.Takanuva: Dude, Jousting Beaver or Justin Bieber, you're still JB. Meaning that you still suck. So die, you son of a-Jousting Beaver: COME AT ME BRUH!
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#58 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Feb 26 2012 - 01:45 PM

Takanuva: Hmm?Guy who took the tickets:.....Please leave right now, or-Takanuva: *Jabs staff into Guy who took the tickets' foot*Guy who took the tickets:.....What the..Takanuva: Die, you noob!Guy who took the tickets: Noob? What are you-

I think the most amazing part of all this is how calm the guy remains when Takanuva assaults him.

Takanuva: REPETITIVE WORDS ARE REPETITIVE!Girl: AHHHHHHH! AHHHHHH! ITS JUSTIN BIEBER!!!! AHHHHHH!Takanuva: Will you please, SHUT UP!All the girls around him: AHHHHHHHHHH!Takanuva: THATS IT! I CAN'T HANDLE IT ANYMORE!

I think Taka and I would be good friends if he was IRL.

Jousting Beaver: COME AT ME BRUH!

Gosh. Justin Bieber and Jersey Shore combined into one being. I don't think I could possibly dislike this guy any more.Good chappy, JL. Twas funnier than the last few.-MT

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#59 Offline King of the Madness Isles

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Posted Mar 05 2012 - 05:12 PM

Catching up. Chapter 34 was good, enjoyed the Skyrim mention and the dragon. The Nutella part was funny. However, my mom has a habit of buying the generic Kroger of something to see if I like it, then buying the real one. Of course, "hazelnut spread" tastes a lot closer to a cardboard box than Nutella...but, it's still okay.And my friend eats spoonfulls of Nutella for meals. Eight for breakfast one day...
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"The moral of the story is, I chose a half measure when I should have gone all the way. I'll never make that mistake again. No more half measures Walter."


#60 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Mar 09 2012 - 06:59 AM

Chapter 37: Plushie? "Oh! Hey look! A squishy toy store!" Karo mumbled happily as they walked out of the alleyway that they had just destroyed. Obviously, no one was inside. Karo had practically robbed all the money, and then jumped out the window. "Well, first of all, its called a Plushie, not a squishy," Tahu said. He walked over, and saw a Panda toy. Except this Panda was holding a gladius, shield and had a helmet on its face. If Tahu didn't know better, he would have thought it was plastic. Tahu did know better. Karo, however, did not. He walked over, took off the helmet, and put it on his head. "Does it fit?" He mumbled as the Panda stood up, and lifted his sword. "Karo, look out!" Tahu Nuva said as he did nothing. ".....I'm not in a box. I can't look out," Karo said as he walked forwards by a step. The Panda's sword sliced where Karo was standing milliseconds later, making no sound as it cut through the ground. Both Tahu's stared horrified. "Ok, I know I'm not the cleverest person in the world, but I ain't stupid. No need to be horrified at my....so-called stupidity," Karo told them, "In fact, I actually find it rude! I think I deserve an apology!" Appalled, both Tahu's stared at him, there mouths wide open, then back at the Panda, whose mouth was wide open to. And then Tahu Nuva looked back at Karo, and if his mouth hadn't had a limit, it would have been large enough to swallow a turtle. "You have to be Chomping kidding me! Are you that stupid!?" The Panda said. "Eeek!" Karo shrieked as he spun around, "Shoo! Go away!" "You took my helmet, and then disrupted me from my sleep. I need my helmet back." "Umm, I don't know if you realized, but your cheap plastic helmet is my helmet now." ".........What the Chomp?"=======In America....Takanuva: With you being the 7 feet tall guy, I would have expected you to be coming at me.Jousting Beaver: Well....everyone bullies me! They come at ME! SO COME AT ME!Takanuva:......Ok, I'm seriously starting to regret this. First, I have to listen to your music. Then, you transform into a Toa far larger than me. Finally, your voice turns from super high to super low.Jousting Beaver: Yes! Because I am here, to kill you!Takanuva:....No, I came here to kill you until you ruined my plan.Jousting Beaver: Oh, oh. But I'm still here to kill you! And all the other Bionicles!Takanuva: Well, maybe if I.......Jousting Beaver: You gonna run, huh? You little *****!Takanuva: Good bye.He sprinted out of the hall. Jousting Beaver, being much larger, got there quicker. Takanuva simply ran through his legs, however. As he did so, Takanuva blasted a weak beam of light at Jousting Beaver's groin. Nothing happened.Takanuva: I knew it! There's nothing there!Jousting Beaver: Ah!Takanuva sprinted out of the alley, followed by Jousting Beaver. Pretty weird with 2 toys running across a hallway. Guards tried to stop them. Takanuva simply ran right past them, while JB sprayed water onto the floor. They all slipped, landing on their bums. Well, except for the majority of them sleeping in the corners of the hall with earphones plugged in trying to ignore the sound. So they all ignored the hundreds of people screaming and shouting inside, running to take pictures and videos to upload them to SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE like an annoying SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE girl.Takanuva smashed into the exit, and ran out into a dark alleyway. A bunch of people holding packets of white stuff, boxes of beer, and guns stopped him.Bad Gangstah: Yo' Little man! Ya got sum business goin' on huh?Takanuva: Yeah. I have Justin Bieber, or rather his evil personality and ugly body chasing me.Bad Gangstah:...Takanuva: Can you kill him?Bad Gangstah: *Turns around* We rollin' out, boys. Got a mission.Takanuva: Also, why is your name tag 'Gangstah' and not 'Gangster'?Bad Gangstah: Cos its Gangstah, bruh!He held up his phone and tweeted something. All the other people took out their phones and retweeted it back.Takanuva: GTA much.Bad Gangstah: We got infinite ammo, flying cars, and when we cut our hair, it grows longer.Takanuva:.......Ok. Can you guys just, go on and kill Justin Bieber?Bad Gangstah: Alrighty yo'.He drove out, Takanuva hanging on to the hood of the car.Takanuva: That was easy.Bad Gangstah: Where is he?Jousting Beaver: *Sprays hood with water*Takanuva: The ugly one over there.Jousting Beaver: *Sprays more water on hood which starts smoking*Bad Gangstah: BOYS, GET DAT OUTTA HERE!They all jumped through the windows, ignoring the well placed doors, while Takanuva dropped to the ground.Car: *Explodes*Takanuva: Wow, your car sucks. Other people wash cars with water. Yours explode by water.Bad Gangstah: Dawg, at least it be fast.Takanuva: At making after-explosions?Car: *Afterexplodes. Jousting Beaver looks at it*Random other Gangstah: ~Cool guys don't look at explosions~Jousting Beaver: DANGIT!Takanuva: So.......I thought you had cheats, or hacks, whatever. Can't you just make a new car, or heal them or some dumb thing?Bad Gangstah: Yo, dawg, you stupid? That only works in da' games, bruh! Not in the streets, homie!Takanuva: I...expected as much. And I'm not your Homer.....Jousting Beaver: Oh, so even humans dare stand against MIGHTY ME?!?!?!Bad Gangstah: Boys, shoot him!The Gangsters shoot him.Bad Gangstah: Its 'Gangstah!' and not 'Gangster'. You got dat bruh?I don't see the difference, but......ok, fine. The Gangstah's shot him.Takanuva: Yeah! Die, you little punk!The bullets simply ricocheted off, doing practically nothing thanks to Jousting Beaver's armor.Jousting Beaver: Fool. I am a Bionicle - your puny human weapons cannot kill me!Bad Gangstah: Shoot his groin!Jousting Beaver: HAHAHAHA! FOOLS! I HAVE NOTHING THERE! HAAHAHAHAHA.......I don't think I'm supposed to be happy about that, right?=====In the BW..... "What?" Karo said as he gripped his helmet tighter, "You aren't thinking about stealing it, right...?" Just then, JL walked into the wrecked store, and looked at the others, and then the Panda, and then at Karo. "I give you 10 seconds to do something, and you end up finding the Imperial Panda, stealing his helmet, and then waltzing out like a fool? Just 1 thing to do, and you let your butt off of it!" "What did I do?" Karo said. "You reawakened an ancient hero, and then took his helmet. Disgrace to Toa-Kind! Hero to stupidity! Savior for the foolish!" JL shrieked as he facepalmed. The Imperial Panda walked up. "You know me?" It asked. JL nodded. "So then the war is over?" He asked again. JL looked at him blankly. "Dude, you got skinned like, 3000 years ago. Of course the war is over! Look at yourself! You're just a plushie now! With your old weapons and armor! How you even got here, I don't know." "Oh, right. I'm a little sketchy on remembering things, after they replaced my brain with fluff." "It happens, especially when your brain is a rock." "Mine isn't." "I know."

Edited by McSmeag, Mar 09 2012 - 05:03 PM.
lol

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#61 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Mar 09 2012 - 06:38 PM

Ah, I love what you've done with Karo in this comedy.Another great chappy. KUTGW.-MT
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#62 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Mar 10 2012 - 03:16 AM

Oops. Sorry, McSmeag. I'll make sure to not write down the actual names next time.
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#63 Offline Onarax

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Posted Mar 24 2012 - 07:03 AM

Well, to become a full-fledged Comedy Reviewer, I must review the last five chapters of your comedy. So here I go ... it's REVIEWING TIME!Chapter 32:

?: Sorry.Karo: What? What happened??: I'm leaving.Karo: That's great. Shoo. Bye.?: Bye.

No idea what is going here either, but I haven't really read your comedy, so I can't say anything about this.

He vanished into the shadows; Shadows which broke into the sky, destroyed the dirt and mud (And a diamond, to Tahu Nuva's dismay) as it rocketed to the sky. It split into millions, then morphed back into one. Then, it split into 10, and flew off to different directions.

Let's see. See the bold and italicised S? That should be lower-case. Broke into the sky? I don't really get it. Destroyed should be destroying, and 'dirt and mud' would work better as 'earth'. The next sentence works better as "It split into millions of pieces, before reforming back into one piece. Then, it split once more, yet this time into ten pieces, flying off in different directions."Here's some advice: use words instead of Hindu-arabic numerals when writing.

Hydrona wasn't really sure what to do with the massive seaweed minion. He fought well. Heck, he fought like he couldn't be hit, always getting flapped around like how a blade of grass would when hit by a chopstick. However, he was always ... wavy. She sighed. It didn't matter now - Weedlord, as his name was, (Weird name, she knew) was the leader of his cohort, which was pretty messy, considering that they were all waving their heads and bodies around. It really did look weird - a bunch of grass with arms and legs, a yellow-green frothy face filled with dirt, and eyes full of rage. (What exactly are you referring to? Weedlord?)[PARAGRAPH BREAK]As she surveyed (sp. error) more of her army's (Indicating ownership) recruiters coming back and forth in the deep sea (What are you trying to convey here?), a strange feeling could be felt. She was situated in the Atlantic Ocean (Proper noun, requires capitalised 'O'), far east of the human city named (human 'New York City' doesn't really make much sense) 'New York City'. So what was this noise? She could hear the screech, but she wasn't able to discern it until it was too late.[PARAGRAPH BREAK]A black shadow - (Works better this way) physical, silent and messy; possessing a different face and body each time it flew, ran, leapt and swam towards New York City. (Works better) Hydrona knew what it was: Chaos Essence. She knew she had to stop it (Referring to the Chaos Essence), but she wasn't sure how on earth she could do so (Works better). The laws of the universe had been broken, and order had let chaos flow through.[PARAGRAPH BREAK]Despite (Do not start sentences with and) the fact that the Titans had always killed and fought and destroyed, it was so they could rule over the humans and the matoran, although the humans were slightly more....stupid. Chaos, on the other hand, was technically the 'mother' of the world, alongside the mother of the Titans. She wanted to destroy Balance, her direct opposite, and also the 'father' of the Titans. The Titans were born with the desire to control - to stop Chaos and Order together. It was a programmed rule in their minds, and they would do anything to stop freedom. (No need for an ellipsis)[PARAGRAPH BREAK]She thought back on all her knowledge of the legends, far before her time. Chaos Essences (Capitalisation and plural) were born (No e) from Parthenogenesis by Chaos. Then what had stopped them? There had to be something. She turned around and the sea shifted around her. A swirl of bubbles later, she was gone. (Grammar problems. Use of ellipsis is strange)

Comments and fixes provided within the quote. Mostly bolded.

Destiny walked past the Titan's jail (Forgot apostrophe), where their 'spirits' continued watching the current world news, all of them bickering over which channel they should watch. The only one who wasn't was the Titan of the atmosphere, but he was either sleeping or playing dead. (Reason for why he isn't watching TV) From what Destiny could guess, it was a little bit of both.[PARAGRAPH BREAK]A shockwave slammed into them. Fate walked into the hallway, and a millisecond later, all knew what had happened. (Sentence was awkward. Now fixed. Also, LEAVE LINES BETWEEN PEOPLE SPEAKING.)"Someone has disobeyed the universal laws," said Fate, looking at Destiny. (Making this less awkward sounding.) "Chaos Essences have escaped, and we shall die if they are not stopped. (Awkward sentence. Chaos Essences need to be capitalised. Plurals.) However, we cannot actively fight a war, and the Titans are bent on world domination." (Much less awkward sentence.)"It has changed into a three way war," replied Destiny. (Putting it here. What do you mean by Three Way War?) "Chaos Essences will be dormant for a time, absorbing more and more chaotic energy created." (I don't get this part)The Titan of the Atmosphere stood up. At the same time, Fate unlocked the cage, and the Sky Titan stepped out. He said nothing, but he knew what had happened. He vanished into thin air, the smell of ozone replacing his presence. All the other Titans were also standing up."You are yearning to come out, to achieve world domination and destroy the Chaos. Yet all of you still don't know what truly stopped Chaos from spreading. You would only strengthen them. But ..." Destiny mused. Perhaps this was the way things were meant to be. No....It is the way things were meant to be......Was it?

Comments in bold. Ellipsis problems again. Also, paragraphs. Important.

At the apartment.....Pridak: No, I find it dumb. (Ellipsis not required here)Zaktan: Why?Gresh: I really don't understand. What, is he stupid?Pridak: Well, it was expected from the Tahu's that we have horrible, stupid leaders.Gresh: But still, really? We have a death penalty....for jumping off buildings?Zaktan: Well, I don't know. I find it pretty reasonable.Pridak: Well, your world is literally opposite. I mean, you can see your spine. That makes your life opposite ... life.Zaktan: Sure. But, I think its good. You jump off a building, you get punished by death.Gresh: Well, that's (Contraction: Apostrophe) the point. You're gonna die anyway (Anyway, not anyways). The punishment should probably be something like: 'If you jump off a building and you die, your innards will be fed to the crows. If there are any survivors, you will be shot.' (Remember to finish off the quotation marks.)Zaktan: Hey, I remember something. Didn't you fall off a building back in the summer?Gresh: Dude, no. No. No. That was some really big guy's prank. Its not the summer now, so no. I'm not dead, and I'm not gonna die.Pridak: I still find this law dumb. C'mon, lets find another so we can actually win a debate to get the crown on our heads.Gresh: For the last time. there isn't a crown! There's just the senate council, and you're already in it! Geez! Why do I even hang out with you?Zaktan: Take a guess.

Well, mostly fine except for some grammar errors and incorrect use of ellipsis.

Mebiox sat in a massive chair within a massive fortress. Well, it wasn't really a fortress. It grew a millimetre taller daily; and the only thing that was present was a U-shaped table with chairs surrounding it. Mebiox sat in the chair beside the one in the middle. His chair was ever-changing: sometimes becoming invisible, wood, metal, glass or several other things, but it always possessed a distortion.A swirl of water splashed onto the floor, disappearing seconds later. This alerted Mebiox to the appearance of Hydrona, who was sitting on her chair, which was made of sand and water. It was known as the chair of the deep sea. Mebiox knew why - spirits of sea monsters so old that he had forgotten had been trapped inside this chair - made of the water from the lowest point on Earth. It would take time to summon each of these beasts, but they would serve in the war.He turned towards the Titan of the Sea. "Why have you come?""I saw it. Chaos is back and interfering once more.""You forget that we are the Titans: the children of Chaos and Order.""You forget that Chaos Essences are literally Chaos herself. They are her own essences ripped out. I've come to talk to you about that." (I don't get the 'create Chaos' part)"Hydrona. Arrogant as always. We are strong." (How does arrogant work? She isn't saying she can easily handle them.)"Am I truly as arrogant as the one who stands here doing nothing? Until our brother is back, we aren't at full strength. If Chaos manages to gain enough power during that time, everyone will die. We ... we need to find the clues." (Ellipsis man. Three dots. No more.)"Those? They are myths. We are the only warriors of order - we will conquer, and everyone will follow what we say, or die.""This was the reason why Aexid hated you. You always thought you were strong. Well, you have to admit that someday, something will be stronger than you. Chaos and Order are things far above us. The universe is on the balance - the times when this balance was tipped lead to horror and death. I'm going to find it, and I'm going to make sure the balance of power isn't tipped towards Chaos.""You are weak.""And you are stupid. Someday, you will thank me when I save your life.""The myth of Order Beasts is insane. Listen to yourself! Beasts! Of Order? Think of how dumb that is!" (Capitalisation. Exclamation works better.)"Not as dumb as you, brother," Hydrona said, before disappearing in a swish of water.

Can't be bothered writing Paragraph Break for every new paragraph, so just added them for you.

JL: Well, that sucked. Now we doomed the world around 10 times, and to save it we'd probably die, get reborn, and die a lot more, along with pain and suffering and all that stupid stuff that comes with prophecies, blah blah blah.Tahu Mata: I don't think it was that bad. I like rolling dices. Usually they give me money. Plus, Dice made Battlefield 3. Thats a good game, albeit the fact that when I sprint, I trip on a rock.JL: ...No, dude. DICE made it, not a Dice.Karo: C'mon guys. We're going home.JL: What? Why?Karo: The guy said that we have to go home. To the city. The ancient golem, that monster activated by Mebiox, is going to destroy the world by cutting off heat. And the place it will start that is to go down a volcano. And the only volcano in this region is the one back home.Tahu Nuva: ...Well then, come on. We're going home.

Not many problems. Except for ellipsis.

Somewhere in the Atmosphere... (Using italics makes it more noticeable.)The Titan of the Sky looked down. While he was floating above the clouds, his eyes could see all the way down to the bottom of the ocean. That was when he saw it. The Titan of the Sky, more commonly known as Aexid, pointed his sword towards the object within his sights.Rock rose. A mountain rose. An entire city rose from the depths of the water and into the sky (Feels more ... fantasy-like with sky). Clouds gathered around it, hiding it from the outside world. Aexid smiled. Within the rock was his home, which lay at the very top. Refurbishment would come soon. This was one of the places which actually existed in human legend, although it wasn't exactly ... true.Sometimes, it was known as 'Mu.' Other times, it was known as 'Laputa' (Then we got the hit movie!). But Aexid knew its real name. Its full name. Its Ancient Name.

Well, same as before. Rather good, few errors and awkward sentences, but no real problems that detract from the story.In conclusion, according to what I've seen of your comedy, you have brilliant writing skills, but there are several easily-spotted mistakes you can correct. Normally I wouldn't like a combination of the script format and prose, my own attempts having ... failed epically (Please don't take this as an instruction to read BIONICLE: Sheer Awesomeness). Yet you have managed to turn it into something absolutely fantastic.Oh yeah, and the plot is gripping as well.I look forward to reviewing the next four chapters.

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#64 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Mar 24 2012 - 09:03 AM

Hey! Thanks for the review, Hubert/Inspiration.Um, the paragraph spaces I didn't add are actually due to the fact that the 'style' of prose I was writing on was based on Book prose.Which are adapted to printing, so I guess I didn't remember that until now.Well, maybe this can get me off my lazy bottom now.Chapter 38 soon! Maybe by....next week?Forgot its the last week of term. :P

Edited by Jl1223 X, Mar 25 2012 - 05:35 PM.

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#65 Offline Onarax

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Posted Apr 01 2012 - 09:04 AM

Chapter 33 Review:

At the Replica Mata-Nui.....A Matoran continued to edit [Sounds less awkward and stilted.] the newspaper. It was a pretty dumb job - everyone who sent in something to be written in it was dumb. So, after [Quite is unnecessary] a few years of getting dumber, he just decided to not care and let all the stupid things in. Bad idea. [Second 'bad' unnecessary.]. When over nine [Use words instead of numerals] thousand matoran called asking if he was retarded, he was kind of annoyed that they hadn't realized it was their society sending in the articles. He took a look at the newest submission [Excerpt does not fit here.].Anonymous says: To all you hunters killing animals for food, Shame on you. You should go to the store and buy the meat that was made there, where no animals were harmed.The Matoran couldn't help but think that every new generation [Less stilted] was getting dumber and dumber. He looked down [Works better] at the massive mob below the newspaper's office building. Three [Words, not numerals] matoran were screaming at [For does not fit] the stupidity of all the articles, while around fifty [Words, not numerals] old ladies held up signs protesting about the removal of [Fits better] the small dog from the comic. He turned around, and as he was about to listen to Metallica, he heard a sound akin to a cannon shot [Cannons aren't sounds.], which was followed by[Due to occurring after the sound.] an [Use indefinite article] explosion of stone ['Lots of rock' sounds stilted.], a roar, and the sound of old women running and screaming [Fits better than the previous phrase]. He looked out the window and was promptly slapped in the face by the Ancient Golem, who seemed to have just gotten out of a pool of lava, for his eyes were currently crying flames. Or was that magma? Either way, he seemed to be melting as well. Kinda creepy, especially when the building also began to melt. [More stiltedness]Matoran: AHHHHHHHHHH! *Splash* BLUBLBUBBJUPUHOTHTOHTOHTOTHOTHOHDARN!

As you can see, I'm a grammar guy. The errors I've corrected don't actually detract from your rather amusing story, but they are rather problematic. Your writing is also somewhat stilted, but that can be easily fixed.

JL flew above the massive islands, [Removed first his, redundancy is redundant] laser pointer in his hand. Both of the Tahu's were running below him, while Karo was leaping from tree to tree, his Xenon levels stable [Works much better than 'low and controlled'].They [However should not be used here] soon reached a beach, where they could spot the city and its vast clouds of pollution [The alternative was a bit too stilted and somewhat grammatically incorrect for my liking. How would they be able to cross the water? JL had thought. Oh well, no time to worry. He promptly lifted the two Tahu's into the air. [You inserted some of his thoughts into the paragraph, so I've tried to make it more clear for the readers.]JL: Hold on to each other.All three rocketed into the sky, with Tahu Mata screaming for dear life and Tahu Nuva screaming to fire him [?]. JL ignored them both. When he had gotten high enough to fling them across the water, instead of flinging them [Makes it more clear], he dropped them. The two Tahu's heated up their swords in an attempt to control their destination while they hugged each other [Makes slightly more sense and is less stilted.]. They then [They then works better than then they] screeched as they realised what they were doing. However, they decided that they didn't care. [Your sentence was stilted and hard to understand at times, so I made it clearer. You also repeated they a bit too much.]Tahu: If we don't make it ...[ELLIPSIS] let me just tell you that I loved you![PARAGRAPH BREAK]Tahu Nuva: I love me too ['Too' not 'to'.]! AHHHHHHHHHHH!*Whump*Meanwhile, JL continued to fly forward [Tenses], while Karo simply swam, using his Mask of Strength to help propel himself quickly through the water [This works better than previously, and 'on' was unnecessary.]. JL was surprised he didn't sink - maybe there was a sea monster Karo was afraid of.10 minutes later...[PARAGRAPH BREAK]JL caught sight of the Ancient Golem, and dived steeply, aiming for its eyes [Your previous sentence didn't make as much sense]. It swiped, slapping JL sideways, with his momentum carrying him into the side of a volcano, creating a rather large indentation [Making the sentence much less stilted]. Karo swam onto the beach, shuddering. [And is unnecessary.]Karo: I ... am never .. .going to swim again. I wet my pants! [ELLIPSIS AGAIN. Spaces between ellipsis and words.]Using his power over stone, he completely crushed the ancient golem's [Apostrophe for possession] right leg, forgetting that he could've done this before. However, the lava spewing from its eyes simply reformed the leg, this time making it much harder than normal. Karo sighed. Why were there so many plans for setbacks? It's like planception. Boring.Meanwhile, Tahu Mata and Tahu Nuva were running around, blasting the massive rock with fire while removing the heat from the lava. As the ancient golem got fatter and fatter, it also got more annoyed. It punched itself, ripped off parts of its body, and gave itself a 6-pack abs made of rather hard stone. [Previously was incredibly redundant.]Tahu Mata: So many counter attacks and stuff....suckish. OP. [What is this? I do not understand. Please elaborate on the 'OP'. Also, ELLIPSIS.]They continued to blast him with fire and crush his legs, while JL dazedly walked out of the crater he had made.JL: Uhhhhh.....

So yeah, some more grammatical problems. And ellipsis. And some sentences didn't really make much sense.

A knock on the door was heard. Horrifically, Pridak was the one who opened it. Pretty good it did him when he was blown back by a high pressure [No need for pressured, just pressure] stream of salt water and [No need for then or the comma] thrown into a portal, only to reappear again in front of a stream of water. Hydrona stepped into the Apartment, and stared at Pridak in the eye, which was pretty cool seeing as he was being hurled around at 50 kph.Hydrona: Where are your leaders?Pridak: Brshshshhh-*GASP* Vacation ... Rich ********. I used to hate them ... until I became one.Hydrona: Then tell them that this war is now a 3 way war. [Please elaborate. Do not understand how it has become a Mélée à Trois]Pridak: Dude, I'm not involved. Don't get me involved.Mebiox couldn't believe it. Were the Titans this weak now? Asking for help, at least indirectly.Pridak: Do not get me involved. I don't want to die. Please, I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die!Hydrona: You won't die if you get involved-Pridak: OH LORD NO! NOOOO! I DON'T WANNA DIE! NO! NO!Hydrona: I'll slap you.Pridak: BETTER THAN DYING!Hydrona: The slap will be as strong as a tsunami - you'd drown from physical contact.Pridak: ... Oh, dear. [ELLIPSIS]He zipped away, somehow escaping the portals and the water, quite miraculously to the eyes of the two Titans. [Works better like this]Hydrona: ...Interesting. How powerful they are [plurals!] - the powers which can be evoked in these Bionicles during the right circumstances. Perhaps ... perhaps they can hold out against chaos after all.Mebiox: ... Sure.

Not many problems here either, just some things that need to be changed, a few grammatical errors and ...ELLIPSES.

At the island.....JL felt bad. Very bad. Bad enough that he felt like puking all over the ancient golem's eye, which made him curious as to what the gas version of vomit smelt like. It wasn't helping that the ancient golem was holding him in magma hot stone and shaking him around like how babies would shake their toys. He wondered if this was what it was like to be a toy - shook around until your head pops off, your joints don't work and you die. However, he did managed to create lightning strong enough to blast the Ancient Golem's arm off.[PARAGRAPHING!]JL dropped to the ground, drew his sword, and pointed it Skyward.[PARAGRAPGING!]"This is not a Zelda rip off. Zelda ripped me off!" JL shouted as lightning [Thunder is a sound. And a Pokemon attack, but it does not actually do anything other than herald the arrival of lightning] struck his sword, electrifying it [Removed redundant expression]. He swung at the Ancient Golem's right leg, and the electricity coursed out in the shape of a blade [Works better and feels less stilted and awkward]. The Ancient Golem screamed, magma spewing from his arm and leg.During that time, Karo had been continuously trying to hack a limb off. The Xenon didn't help - smells of burnt coffee and caffeine made him hyper. However, when he saw how both the leg and arm had been cut [Not shoved] off, he focused his elemental power, and the Ancient Golem found that it couldn't remake its limbs. Tahu Nuva soon joined in, removing the heat from its magma eyes, leading to it being blinded.[PARAGRAPHING]"How d'ya like that, punk?" Tahu Nuva insulted, "That was just a tiny bit of my power!"[PARAGRAPHING]"ROAAAAARRR!" The Ancient Golem retaliated [no comma] as it slammed its other fist into the ground, where it felt he could hear them [?]. Tahu Nuva was knocked back, but Karo managed to block with his Mask of strength. He increased the Xenon levels, and used the enhanced strength and speed to kick the Golem back. The massive rock monster found a hole where its fist should be. It screeched in pain ... [Ellipsis] until it couldn't hear anything. It used the small stump [Not blunt] that was his remaining arm and used it to poke his ear. He found the arm melted by something the size of a toothpick.[PARAGRAPHING]"Take that, mother-....mother-.....I can't say it." Tahu mumbled, as he removed the heat from the rest of the magma, which Karo used to turn the massive golem into a rock statue. JL proceeded to send a lightning bolt down from the sky, shattering it into a pile of rocks.[PARAGRAPHING]"Well, that's that." JL said as he looked around.[PARAGRAPHING]"Kinda sucks that we destroyed a village in the process, but who cares. Economy rebuilds." Tahu replied.[PARAGRAPHING]JL eyed him. "It would if Obama was president. Unfortunately, you and Tahu Nuva are president, at least technically speaking."[PARAGRAPHING]"Hey! I can do better than Obama!"[PARAGRAPHING]"Liar, Liar, pants of fire.[PARAGRAPHING]At that comment, Tahu Nuva lit Tahu Mata's legs on fire. JL found that slightly amusing.[PARAGRAPHING]"... [ELLIPSIS] Y'know, you are also one of the...'presidents' too. Meaning that, y'know....you're just as dumb as Tahu.""... [ELLIPSIS]"

Well, this part had lots of paragraphing errors, but it was enjoyable nonetheless.To summarise my feelings on this chapter, I have no idea what is going on at times and what exactly you are trying to say, but its still rather entertaining.
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#66 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Apr 01 2012 - 08:59 PM

Chapter 38: The worst game on the Xbox 360.In the bedroom of the Apartment.......Gresh: Just ridiculous.Pahral-Kal: What is?Gresh: This! (Points at monitor)Pahrak-Kal: The quality? Its the best.Gresh: Ok, first off, the quality isn't the best. You ever listened to music blaring from flatscreen monitors? No. Never. Why? Because the noise is so low, you can't hear anything. Second, I was talking about the 360.Pahrak-Kal:......Well, the monitor isn't an Xbox. And when I play, I use JL's headphones.Gresh:....Pahrak-Kal: What?Gresh: He's gonna kill you for that if he found out.Pahrak-Kal: Dude, somebody other than him is using his Xbox 360. He'd kill everyone.Gresh: True. But still, ridiculous. Somebody threw away all the good games like Reach, and-Pahrak-Kal: Cut to the point. What are you playing?Gresh: Its easy to explain. Its like this boring game where......=====In the BW......."Thank Bill Gates that the car is nanotech!" JL mumbled as he sat, playing with an Xbox 360 system/hardware integrated into the car after JL requested it. Karo looked at the piece of software as if it was a holy artifact. Tahu simply looked confused. The car itself drove on autopilot."How did you get the games?" He asked as he shook his head in disapproval at JL being such a gamer."Oh, I got them from back home. I was planning on getting a new 360, because the old one didn't work," came the reply."What happened to the old one?.....You do realize that your money comes from us, right?"=====Back in the Apartment......Gresh: Where you click a button, and then there's red lights. I think you need to find the correct pattern of which light is being lit up until it turns green. It automatically turns red, though. Its hard - each time, its different. I tried to get a walkthrough, but the only thing it gives was this 'how to fix' guide. I mean, fix what? The game works fine. It just sucks. The developer of this game should burn! They do not deserve to put their work on a holy microsoft artifact!Pahrak-Kal:........*Facepalm*=====Back in the BW.......Tahu bumped up and down on the car. He wasn't used to being in 'big' size, despite the fact that it felt exactly the same except everything was smaller. However, he was happy that he wasn't in toy size. The fight that had happened just now had made lava blobs rain down on the city. His city. Now it was covered in speed bumps the size of a, well, lava blob. Except there were a lot of lava blobs. While it would be assumed that his head would therefore hit the roof a lot, there were handles that he could now reach. Now he realized why he hated being a midget."So," he said, "How do you get us back home?""Its simple," JL said as he spammed some more buttons, "We drive till we get to the side of the ocean. Then we sail until we get to America or Mexico. Then we buy some plane tickets, and then we fly back home! Easy.""....I don't get it." Karo said. "Why not just use the portal?""......I thought we settled that," JL said."So the portal calmed down? Then re-heat it! I heard somewhere that the hotter things are, the more excited things are," Karo said. Nobody mentioned to him how awkward of a situation they were in."Well, lets just say we need to get to a country across the sea" JL said."Ok. But why not swim?" Karo said again, a confused expression on his face.""......Seriously, I'm not talking to him anymore," JL said, to which Tahu Nuva replied, "You know what? Lets all just shut up and wait.So they did just that.===== In America......JB: HOLD UP! DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY FINAL FORM BEFORE YOU DIEEEEEEEAH? *The Last word was sang.*Takanuva: *Covers his ears* NO! I just want YOU to die!JB: But do you want me to kill you....in my sexiest form?Takanuva: Dude, first off, your human form was more or less the form of a certain bear.JB: Bear Grylls?Takanuva:...No. This next form resembles something out of a parody horror movie. Your next form will probably be inhumane.JB: In my next form, my best aspect comes out though.....Takanuva: You turn into a guy?JB: NO! I...I...My singing gets better!Takanuva:....Oh dear god, why.....
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#67 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Apr 05 2012 - 07:42 PM

Been a while since this got a chappy. Good to know it's still in business.

Tahu bumped up and down on the car. He wasn't used to being in 'big' size, despite the fact that it felt exactly the same except everything was smaller.

That's a good way to put it. :P

JB: HOLD UP! DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY FINAL FORM BEFORE YOU DIEEEEEEEAH? *The Last word was sang.*Takanuva: *Covers his ears* NO! I just want YOU to die!

But you haven't even fought his Omega Super Hyper Alternate Ultra form yet!Good chappy, JL.-MT

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#68 Offline Onarax

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Posted Apr 06 2012 - 09:24 AM

Well, here are the last reviews I have for you. Now less detailed! So you don't have to read through the entire thing to look for my corrections!Chapter 34:

Chapter 34: Order Beasts - Bane of chaos, bringer of doom.

Found the first major error. Chaos should be capitalised, along with Bringer and Doom.

At the city, currently in its old, village like version.....

This makes absolutely no sense to me. What is it supposed to mean?

It was made of gas, liquid and solids.

So it exists as three states of matter. Does this mean its body keeps on heating up and cooling down and just making absolutely no sense? What is its melting and boiling point? I know it's a Chaos Beast, but it'd still probably follow universal laws.

"What the heck was that for?" JL mumbled as he wiped some beastly spit from his mask."You know who I am." was the response."I don't." JL claimed."Really....."

Lines between speech man. And also, ellipses. And the fact that the full stops should be replaced by commas.

"Plan A didn't work." The dragon said."Actually, I have asian origins. Plan 哎 didn't work. Still a few thousand more back up plans." JL responded sarcastically."All of them will not work at your current level.""I don't have Skyrim.""Whats that?""You've been locked up for a long time, right? On one hand, you should be weak, but on the other hand-""There are fingers.""You have been locked up for a long time," JL said as he readied his sword. To his right, he saw the car, still perfectly fine."You know who I am."""You are the 10th Order beast. Feared, hated, because your duty is to enforce law, dumb laws, even those like SOPA.""Is that all you know me as?""Yes. You belong to order, but not to good. You will very gladly enslave the world if it means the world will be in order.""...............I know you.""I know me too. Finally, we have a common point. Should we speak out our negotiations...like a sir?" JL questioned, lowering his sword.

I have Chinese origins too. That was a terrible joke. Other than that, Asian should be capitalised, whats should be what's, you have an extra quotation mark in one of the sentences, 10th Order beast should be 10th Order Beast and ellipses are merely three periods.Also, 'like a sir' makes no sense. 'Like Gentlemen' does. You also need lines between speech.

The 10th dragon beast nodded....then, before JL could react, sent and energy blast. JL would have died, if the dragon had been on target. He turned and ran. The dragon did nothing. JL leapt for the car, which opened its door. And so, JL drove off the island.

I thought it was the Order Beast. Also, there are some places where you shouldn't use ellipses. They're rather unnecessary.

Avak pulls hard, and pulls the lid off. Pridak pulls hard to, and the combined force mixed with the worlds horrible laws of physics to make the Nutella jar tip. Both of the screamed as it fell off the kitchen counter, flipped, and landed on Zaktan. Hahli Mahri walks in.

You have for some reason decided to change tense in the middle of writing, which isn't that much of a good thing. 'Worlds' should be 'world's'. You need to use apostrophes to show possession.Anyway, this chapter is filled with grammatical problems which don't really detract much from the plot, but can be rather distracting, making the story feel stilted and such. There are also some inconsistencies with your attempts at naming things.Chapter 35:

Karo and both Tahu's waited, standing on the beach. Soon, a car drive up, which they recognized as the one they owned. Karo sprinted up happily while JL started messing with the knobs. JL got out, and gave Tahu a don't ask look, after Tahu gave him a *** just happened look.

Drove, not drive.

its yours

APOSTROPHE BOYA.

Karo and both Tahu's waited, standing on the beach. Soon, a car drive up, which they recognized as the one they owned. Karo sprinted up happily while JL started messing with the knobs. JL got out, and gave Tahu a don't ask look, after Tahu gave him a *** just happened look. Karo simply jumped on the car and hugged the door. "Its my car!" He exclaimed happily. "No, it isn't. It's mine." Tahu said as he walked up. Karo gave him a confused look."What do you mean? I used it." Karo said quizzically."So? Just because you used it, doesn't mean its yours. Example: I'm a toy - I get used so many times, I am always dirty and wet from washing away the dirty stuff which I get from getting shoved into some dirty places, and pulled out and played with again, and then shoved back into that dirty place. I'm still my owner's toy." Tahu stated."Yeah, but, I used it first.""Its my car. I can let you borrow it, but-""Fine. You win this time, Toa of Fire. But I get to borrow the car permanently.""What the? No! That doesn't make any difference other than it being differently worded.""But you said I could borrow it.""Borrow means for a limited amount of time.""So permanently borrow means I get to borrow it forever!""Does that not defeat the purpose of borrowing?" Tahu asked, annoyed."Uh, no? I mean, there's the word borrow in it." Karo said back."Ugh. You're so hard headed, Karo.....All the time.""I'm hard. Smooth and hard. I'm so hard, that I'm rock hard, such that if I get put into dirty places, the dirty place retracts away and screams from pain and fear and stuff.....All the time."JL walked up."Dude, why do I get the feeling that this suddenly progressed into sick, sick things?"Tahu looked at him in the eye. "Dude, I don't think you're cleared for this type of talking, Dude.""Dude, just....wrong. Anyways, tell them to get the portal back up.""How do we do that?" Karo wondered."A phone, dum dum!" Tahu said as he slapped Karo across the face."....Ok. So, we need a phone," Karo said, "Problem is, we don't have one."JL facepalmed. "Yeah, like you have anything."Tahu Nuva was already snoring. He started sleeptalking about bubbles, then sleep walked away."I miss my video games," JL mumbled, "So if you don't get a phone quick, I'm going to kick you."Karo walked away, then turned around and whispered back, "Why do I get the feeling that you want me to get this phone you are talking about."

Wall of Text. Requires paragraphing. Also, ellipses. And apostrophes.

Zaktan: Well, 2 ways of disabling that, I know of.

Hindu-Arabic Numerals are so out of fashion these days. Let's use some proper Roman Alphabet.

Takanuva: YES! FINALLY! GRAMMY AWARDS! I CAN LIKE, KILL JUSTIN BIEBER OR SOMETHING! YESSSSS!

I still do not understand the massive hate everyone has for Bieber.Well, this chapter is full of lack of paragraphing, along with your overuse of ellipses. It also has problems with apostrophes.Chapter 36:

Takanuva wanted to use his light to blast it, but then there would be a 0.00002 window where light simply shines on it, meaning he'd be giving Justin Bieber fame for a certain amount of time.

Technically the light would already be shining on it because light is everywhere.

Takanuva channeled his elemental energy through his staff. A golden white light exploded from it, and focused itself into a laser. Due to wearing a black shoe, the Guy who took the tickets foot was cut off even quicker. Blood came from the loss of foot, and then evaporated in the heat. Takanuva shut off his power.

I don't understand how wearing a black shoe leads to his foot getting cut off even quicker. Sure, black may absorb light, but a laser is merely the amplification of light.

Tahu, Tahu Nuva, Karo and JL were running on a street. Actually, it was just Karo running. Tahu, Tahu Nuva and JL were just walking along trying to pretend they didn't know the Toa of Stone running away from an angry mob of Matoran and Toa."I'm sorry I took all your moneeeeyyy!" Karo shouted as he sprinted from one street to the other in the 'Ta-Koro' of the city. Actually, it wasn't really Ta-Koro anymore, since it was now very connected with all the other villages, with super structures and stuff. Tahu wondered if this was what Tahu Stars did in his spare time while being deputy leader. He then wondered if he could to so himself. He doubted it."Return my money!" "I'm gonna keeeel you!" "Die, son of a $%^&*!" were several of the things that was said while Karo continued running away."WELL THEN, SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!" Karo said sarcastically as he activated his mask while increasing the amount of Xenon in his body being used. JL watched while pretending to be as ignorant as possible while Karo accidentally tripped and barrel rolled into a building. He stood up, completely ignoring the fact that the building's weight was crushing down on him due to his massive power, and walked out of the place unharmed. What luck. The building came crushing down on the matoran and Toa, the latter of which, having never trained in their powers, could only attack themselves as they were smashed from the top by a building brought down by an incompetent Toa's incredible luck."I'm awesome," Karo joked, unaware he was joking."So merciless," Tahu Nuva said, "But why don't you have a weapon you can use?" As if on cue, a stone staff formed itself while attached onto Karo's back. Its tip poked through a random lamp post, which came down and shattered a Businessmatoran's suitcase. Inside was a well placed phone."Whats with you an your luck?" JL asked as he picked it up and dialed a number."Whats luck?""........" *Ring Ring!* "Hello?"

This Wall of Text: Requires Paragraphing. Also, you're lacking apostrophes. You also need to use ellipses properly.

Girl: AHHHHHHH! AHHHHHH! ITS JUSTIN BIEBER!!!! AHHHHHH!

This Sentence: Requires Apostrophe for 'its', because you have used a contraction.

Justin Bieber: HAHAHAHA! Foolish Toa! I am not Justin Bieber! Justin Bieber is just a useless name! My real name is......JOUSTING BEAVER!!!!!

Ellipses man.

Takanuva: Dude, Jousting Beaver or Justin Bieber, you're still JB. Meaning that you still suck. So die, you son of a-

So everyone with the initials JB suck?Anyway, the summary for this chapter is that you still need to use paragraphs properly. It's hard reading through the massive wall of text. Also, ellipses consist of THREE PERIODS.Other than that, this chapter wasn't very entertaining, possibly because all it focuses on is Bieber-hate, which sadly seems to stem from everyone jumping on the Anti-Bieber Bandwagon. Seriously, it's getting old. You've also got too much of it.Why do people hate him anyway? Sounding like a girl is not a legitimate reason. Many guys sound like females.Chapter 37:

"Oh! Hey look! A squishy toy store!" Karo mumbled happily as they walked out of the alleyway that they had just destroyed. Obviously, no one was inside. Karo had practically robbed all the money, and then jumped out the window."Well, first of all, its called a Plushie, not a squishy," Tahu said. He walked over, and saw a Panda toy. Except this Panda was holding a gladius, shield and had a helmet on its face. If Tahu didn't know better, he would have thought it was plastic. Tahu did know better. Karo, however, did not. He walked over, took off the helmet, and put it on his head."Does it fit?" He mumbled as the Panda stood up, and lifted his sword."Karo, look out!" Tahu Nuva said as he did nothing.".....I'm not in a box. I can't look out," Karo said as he walked forwards by a step. The Panda's sword sliced where Karo was standing milliseconds later, making no sound as it cut through the ground. Both Tahu's stared horrified."Ok, I know I'm not the cleverest person in the world, but I ain't stupid. No need to be horrified at my....so-called stupidity," Karo told them, "In fact, I actually find it rude! I think I deserve an apology!" Appalled, both Tahu's stared at him, there mouths wide open, then back at the Panda, whose mouth was wide open to. And then Tahu Nuva looked back at Karo, and if his mouth hadn't had a limit, it would have been large enough to swallow a turtle."You have to be Chomping kidding me! Are you that stupid!?" The Panda said."Eeek!" Karo shrieked as he spun around, "Shoo! Go away!""You took my helmet, and then disrupted me from my sleep. I need my helmet back.""Umm, I don't know if you realized, but your cheap plastic helmet is my helmet now."".........What the Chomp?"

Requires paragraphing. Also, would it not be better for a Panda to wield Imperial Chinese weapons instead of Roman ones? Also, ellipses.

He sprinted out of the hall. Jousting Beaver, being much larger, got there quicker. Takanuva simply ran through his legs, however. As he did so, Takanuva blasted a weak beam of light at Jousting Beaver's groin. Nothing happened.Takanuva: I knew it! There's nothing there!Jousting Beaver: Ah!

Doesn't seem very appropriate for BZPower. Also, too much Bieber-hate man.

Bad Gangstah: Yo' Little man! Ya got sum business goin' on huh?

So ... stereotypes.

Jousting Beaver: Fool. I am a Bionicle - your puny human weapons cannot kill me!Bad Gangstah: Shoot his groin!Jousting Beaver: HAHAHAHA! FOOLS! I HAVE NOTHING THERE! HAAHAHAHAHA.......I don't think I'm supposed to be happy about that, right?

I don't think BIONICLEs reproduce anyway. So neither does Taka. Other than that, you seem to be hating on Bieber too much.

"What?" Karo said as he gripped his helmet tighter, "You aren't thinking about stealing it, right...?" Just then, JL walked into the wrecked store, and looked at the others, and then the Panda, and then at Karo."I give you 10 seconds to do something, and you end up finding the Imperial Panda, stealing his helmet, and then waltzing out like a fool? Just 1 thing to do, and you let your butt off of it!""What did I do?" Karo said."You reawakened an ancient hero, and then took his helmet. Disgrace to Toa-Kind! Hero to stupidity! Savior for the foolish!" JL shrieked as he facepalmed. The Imperial Panda walked up."You know me?" It asked. JL nodded. "So then the war is over?" He asked again. JL looked at him blankly."Dude, you got skinned like, 3000 years ago. Of course the war is over! Look at yourself! You're just a plushie now! With your old weapons and armor! How you even got here, I don't know.""Oh, right. I'm a little sketchy on remembering things, after they replaced my brain with fluff.""It happens, especially when your brain is a rock.""Mine isn't.""I know."

More paragraphing my friend. You need more paragraphing.Well, a summary of this chapter would be that you have way to much Bieber-hate. It's being forced down our throats.Other than that, just some grammar problems.Summary of Entire Review:Well, here we are at the end of my screening review, which means I shall now grade you on each part of your comedy. Out of ten, because ten is a nice reliable number. However, I may be forced to change to a hundred, because I don't really like decimals with fractions.Plot: 7/10. It feels rather clichéd and slightly cheesy, but it's a solid one, meaning that despite being remarkably average, can be expected to provide a easy to understand and somewhat entertaining story.Spelling: 65/100. Your spelling was rather average. There were some mistakes I found, but they didn't really detract from the story.Grammar: 5/10. There were many grammatical errors in your story, most of them being lack of capitalisation, which rather irked me, the lack of apostrophes to indicate ownership, or even just apostrophes to indicate contractions such as 'it's', and your overuse of ellipses.Ellipses weren't really necessary to most of your story, for in many places they could have been replaced with other symbols. Also, they consist of THREE PERIODS, which is something to keep in mind.Oh yeah, and paragraphing. You also should use words instead of numerals when writing.Humour: 5/10. I didn't actually find your story very amusing, for there were not many scenarios that prompted any signs of humour. Most of the story consists of the random comments of your characters, which, despite seeming somewhat strange, aren't actually that funny. The humour also seems forced at times, and feels rather bland.The Bieber jokes don't help either. Not everyone likes to see Bieber-Hate.So in conclusion, your story is rather ... average and slightly bland, but there is plenty of room for improvement in areas such as the plot and humour. The grammar I know you can probably fix easily, but I now await the changes that will come from the plot and humour.Average Rating: 70% + 65& + 50% + 50% / 4 = 58.75%

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#69 Offline Rarity

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Posted Apr 20 2012 - 10:53 PM

Let me start off by saying this is a very different comedy then what I'm used to reading here on BZP. There is a serious tone to your comedy, but it seems to overshadow the comedic parts sometimes.And when I read the "funny" parts, it's hit or miss for me. Some aren't that funny, and some have me falling over laughing.Example:

Tahu Nuva: **** you, Lamar Smith, **** you!Karo: I take it this Lamar Smith is gonna be your worlds version of Mom jokes.Tahu: What is this 'Mom' you speak of?Karo: You don't know?Tahu: Apart from being the female parent of humans, nope.Tahu Nuva: What has this world come to???

Not really funny.

Avak: *Walks in* Hey guys! Woah! Pridak, you just went pro in basketball?Zaktan: Racist.

Now that has me laughing. A lot. Still does. :PChapter 33 was just... I don't know. I didn't care for it. I didn't find it funny at all. :/Then came 34, which was really amazing. Seemed to move along the story, but it had my favorite joke in your series. As I quoted above. d=Now I found chapter 35 bland, but I did chuckle at

Tahu Stars: Its hard to swim when there are holes in my legs, arms, everything!Pridak: Shut up and help me! Oh, and by the way, Zaktan, my crown keeps on falling off my head.Zaktan: Maybe if you put it on that really stiff thing sticking from the top of your head.Pridak: My arms...don't reach. Dangit, Lego! Why'd you always make us have moving disabilities?Zaktan: Well, 2 ways of disabling that, I know of.Pridak: TELL ME! TELL ME, DANGIT!Zaktan: Energy manipulation can change you. The human's basically call it 'magic'.Pridak: You do that by.....?Zaktan: The Bionicle version was lost some ages ago.Pridak: DAG NAB ITTTT! ALL THE GOOD STUFF IS ALWAYS LOST IN AGE! And now, we live in a world where cute girls aren't popular and clever people are called nerds!Zaktan:....Are you saying you're a cute girl nerd or something?Pridak: ......*Ken Jeong* SHUT UP!Tahu Stars: Dude, you're a mad, mad person.

As for the "Jousting Beaver" chapters... They were kinda funny, but I feel like joking about him has been overused.

Phone: *Ring Ring!*Zaktan: *Picks up phone* Hello! Who is this?Phone: Zaktan? Is there a morally better person I can speak to?Zaktan: JL? Hey! Long time no see?Phone:.......Anyone else around here?Zaktan: Nope, other than Mr. Invisible.Pridak: I don't think I'm very invisible.Zaktan: No, I meant the guy who's touching you right now.

That was really all I found funny in the chapter, but I think it was worth it. ;PThe rest was just seemingly moving the story along. Which isn't bad, but I think a comedy needs more "funny."Maybe this would be better suited as an epic?Now chapter 37 was awesome. I loved it! It was hilarious!

Car: *Explodes*Takanuva: Wow, your car sucks. Other people wash cars with water. Yours explode by water.Bad Gangstah: Dawg, at least it be fast.Takanuva: At making after-explosions?Car: *Afterexplodes. Jousting Beaver looks at it*Random other Gangstah: ~Cool guys don't look at explosions~Jousting Beaver: DANGIT!Takanuva: So.......I thought you had cheats, or hacks, whatever. Can't you just make a new car, or heal them or some dumb thing?Bad Gangstah: Yo, dawg, you stupid? That only works in da' games, bruh! Not in the streets, homie!Takanuva: I...expected as much. And I'm not your Homer.....Jousting Beaver: Oh, so even humans dare stand against MIGHTY ME?!?!?!Bad Gangstah: Boys, shoot him!

I wanna see more stuff like that in the future. ;pNow chapter 38 was just kinda there. It wasn't funny, and was short. Kinda hard to review.But, it seemed the serious tone of the comedy took over for a chapter.Overall, I like some of the more "mature"(at least for BZP) jokes, but the jokes are hit or miss for me, I either find it hilarious as all get out, or not funny at all. Some of the jokes are hilarious and fit, and others seem forced, and unfunny. Your comedy also seems to have a more serious tone, and while that is good, the more serious chapters are kinda unappealing to me, and don't really seem to fit well in a comedy. Another thing, the cast of characters are kind of annoying. Not really like-able. I don't really know how to describe it.And there is some spelling errors, but nothing that takes away from the story.I have to give this comedy a 4/10 because of the hit or miss chapters, and I don't really care for the cast.

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#70 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Jun 05 2012 - 11:15 PM

Chapter 39: New best friendsSomewhere in America.......Takanuva: You know, I don't see why I don't simply grab my sword a fight you.Jousting Beaver: You mean....You want to miss my show?Takanuva:....Was it not apparent enough that nobody wants to watch your show? I mean, seriously! Did you not see the amount of people walking into the theater you were gonna perform in, holding Coke and Mentos?Jousting Beaver:......Mentos and coke is nice, isn't it?Takanuva: Do you want to try?Jousting Beaver: Sure! I mean, no! No, I do not! I am here to kill you because you tried to kill me!Takanuva: Hey, I didn't expect you to turn into an ugly pile of.....stuff.Jousting Beaver: I hate you.Takanuva: Everybody does. Now, since you want coke and Mentos, I'll buy it for you. But first, I need some money. Say...about 5 million US dollars?Jousting Beaver:........Takanuva: No? No? Hello?Jousting Beaver: If you want me to not kill you, you'd better buy it now.......Takanuva:........Ok.Soon afterwards......Takanuva: (Walks around looking for money)Homeless guy: (Sees him) Please...give me some money! I only have 2 bucks.......Takanuva: Wow, that's cruel. Can I have it?Homeless guy: What? Why would you TAKE my money?Takanuva:....I can give you light and warmth for the night. *Creates a fire with light beams, after forming a rock formation so it wouldn't spread*Homeless guy: Wow! Thank the lord! The light has come forth! Here, take all my money!Takanuva:....Um, thanks. (Walks away to find a shop which is still open in the middle of the night)In the BW......A cruise ship passes through, a few kilometers away from the beach upon which. Sadly, the spacial barrier rift did not affect them, and they simply sailed onwards. Completely ignoring the massive city-island being built. Which, sadly, got the attention of Tahu Nuva."Hey! Come back! We're stranded, come back! Wow, those humans sure are blind." He shouted. His shouting woke up the others."Huh? Wha?" JL said groggily, rubbing his eyes, "What's that light? Is it the light? Has it come forth to claim us after us being lazy and sleeping for like.......months?"Tahu Nuva looked at him. "It felt like a few hours since our last-""Watch the 4th wall. Do not break the 4th wall," JL warned him."Ironically, you're the one who broke it." Tahu Nuva replied. Meanwhile, the others woke up too."Whats happening?" Tahu mumbled."There's a boat, and it's leaving," said JL, who was by now very awake, seeing as their one way off the island was currently leaving. "Send up a flare!"Both of the Tahu's proceeded to send 2 streams of fire into the air, hoping the boat could see them. Unfortunately, the boat seemed to head away from their flaming spires. "Great....They think we're crazed primitive people who play with fire on sticks," Karo said.JL pulled out his sword. "You know what?" he said, "I'm just gonna EMP them.""EMP?" Everyone else said in unison, looking at him."Yeah, EMP.""What's an EMP?" Tahu said."You don't know? Well, it's a pulse - and electro magnetic pulse which stalls jeeps."Tahu thought about it for a bit. "Oh, you mean an emp." He said."Um, no. An EMP. E...M...P. That stands for Electro-Magnetic-Pulse.""And that spells emp!" Karo said."Well, suck up your bad english, it's E...M..P." JL said as he used his powers over electricity to send one over to the ship, which powered down. And also some other effects."AHHHHHHHHHH! THE INTERNET! IT'S GONE! OH NO, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?" A freaked out mob ran around on the boat, before jumping off."Well...there goes all my would-be-best friends," Karo said quietly."What did I miss?" the Panda said.Back in America......Takanuva had just stolen a pack of coke and a pack of Mentos, leaving behind the 2 bucks behind the door of shattered glass. He walked back towards Jousting Beaver, holding up his newly found possessions, and tossing them to the weird Toa in front of him.Takanuva: Here. Just pop a mentos inside the coke, and drink it.Jousting Beaver:....Hmmmm......Takanuva:...eh..hehe? C'mon, it's easy. Just put it in, and drink up!Jousting Beaver: How will I know you haven't shook the coke?Takanuva: Well, if I did, you can kill me. Hehe.....Jousting Beaver: Ok. (Puts mentos in coke, then drinks.)Takanuva:......Jousting Beaver:......Takanuva:.......Jousting Beaver:......Takanuva: Ok done. I have to go now bye. (Runs away, towards)Jousting Beaver: What was tha-OOOF! (Coke explodes in is stomach) I'm gonna....kill yoUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAA! (Follows)In the ship that was in the BW....The car, containing the toys, drove onto the ship. A little kid and his parents watched. The little kid tugged on his dads pants while saying, "I told you we need the internet! Now evil Bionicles are gonna kill me, and all my Hero Factory toys are downstairs!"His father, shocked at how the car simply drove up the side of the ship, simply gulped and nodded as the toys got out and headed towards the bridge."Hey, did he just say Hero Factory?" Karo said, "I'm gonna go find them! Maybe they can be my new best friends!""I don't think you can have more than 1 best friend," Tahu said, "Buuut you probably won't understand anyways. I wonder what the others are doing back at home."At the apartment......Everyone: (Watching E312 Live on the Xbox 360)Furno: Wow, everything kinda sucks. The only things I am kind of wanting to get is Assassin's Creed 3. And maybeee I'll get Black Ops 2 too.Stormer: Traitor! How could you! It should be Halo you should be getting, and only Halo! You have disgraced us! Begone, fool!Rocka: Wow, dude. Calm down. I'm sure he just isn't as biased as you.Stormer: Biased? BIASED? What do you mean, Biased? It's made by Microsoft! Therefore, Bill Gates technically made it! It's not biased! Halo 4 IS the best! Cod? It's made by Activision! Assassin's Creed 3? It's not even an FPS!Rocka: Yeah....Talk about biased. And stupidity. Publishing and Creating are different things.Stormer: Shut up, you! I bet you probably sit in your mom's basement without a job!Furno: Uh...Stormer? You do know that we live in an Apartment, right?Jaller Mahri: This is exactly why I find Hero Factory dumb.Furno: Yeah.....tell me about it.Rocka:...........
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#71 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Jun 07 2012 - 08:32 AM

Hoorah for Takanuva.Hobo scene was pretty funny, wasn't anything all that memorable outside of that, but it was nice to have a new chappy here.-MT
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#72 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Sep 18 2012 - 04:29 AM

PSA: Gone for a whileKaro: Hey guys! I realize nobody might be reading this, but hi.Tahu: Yeah, its me and Karo from the BZP Epicomedy, How To Live An Exciting Life. Well, see, we haven't really updated our story since about half a year.Karo: Probably because of the Xbox.Tahu: Shut up.......its the Xbox 360.Karo: No difference.Tahu: To you, that is. Well, right now, it seems that our story has been cut short, and since we all have a busier life now, we're all going to go a bit slow.Karo: Wouldn't that mean we're all in epic slowmotion ness?Tahu: Apparently, some of us already are a bit...slow. Well, over the next few, weeks, months, we'll start up our story again. Hopefully this time, there'd be a bit more people reading. But! What would happen if we started a story which nobody knew?Karo: People who are a bit slow wouldn't.Tahu: Ugh, be quiet. Now, we realize that in a year, new people could have joined BZP. So, we've decided to simply do a quick recap on our story. To do that, we'll let you over to 2 other characters, who are probably hogging the Xbox 360 right now.........so we'll walk over and....see if we can get them off.====A bit of colorful words later.......JL: So, hey guys. Um.....it seems that you guys want an introduction to the current story. Well, apart from us living in an apartment and playing video games and stuff, here's some other stuff you might not know: We own a city which got teleported away.Furno: And its now in a place we call the "Bionicle World", mainly because its inhabited by people really similar to the Lego set, "Bionicle".JL: Which is pretty funny, since Lego was a company created after humans accidentally saw someone from the Bionicle World, or BW.Furno: Another thing you might know is that Hero Factory Sets have some weird ability to jump to the bodies of the newer sets of themselves. So, I'm technically in my 4.0 version....that, or I've been gone for a while.JL: So, another thing is that some of us here are pretty clever.....at different things. So some of us have a lot of high technology....while others *gestures at himself* are just wonderful at fighting, whether in real life or in video games.Furno: And I am pretty good at....um....smacktalking?JL: So as the story goes, its quite simple. Much backstory has yet to be explained, so well do the quick version. Toys are alive, winnie the pooh and some fluff animals stole our credit card, we fight, we win, we find a plot to conquer and destroy the world by these guys who kind of created much of it and are evil, and then theres some more chaos, manifested as beasts, and then there's a guy who might or might not control destiny. Just about that.Furno: And we killed this really big monster that was activated to help those guys who are evil.JL: So, that kind of sums of the last 39 chapters, which generally lasted from the end of the old BZP Forum, to about a few months after the new, or I should say, present BZP.Furno: Well, that just about sums up what we need to say today, so we'll just end this PSA here.JL: Oh, and if you can, click the adverts on my ####### channel, gives me some more money -Tahu: HEY! NO! CLICK MINE! I'm the better character here!JL: No, I AM!Furno: I'm pretty sure we aren't allowed to advertise here....Karo: And I'm pretty sure that back from the universe I came from, it wasn't really "You" in a tube......

Edited by Jl1223 X, Sep 18 2012 - 04:29 AM.

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#73 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Sep 18 2012 - 11:02 AM

So...is the story changing to this new setting?-MT
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#74 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Sep 18 2012 - 05:02 PM

It technically already was - they'd spend more time in the city yes. But they'd still ib IRL, and in the apartment.
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#75 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Sep 21 2012 - 04:22 AM

Chapter 40: Back to the present.....In the Bedroom, Apartment...........Furno: Countdowns; 40 something days to Halo 4-Stormer: HAH! I TOLD YOU HALO WAS BETTER!Furno: Yeah, well, at least I have the ability to change my mind. 6-7 days before the release of Halo 4 comes AC3, depending on timezone stupidity. You know, I don't get it. Why can't they just have this universal timezone?Rocka: Our timezone comes from the earth's revolution. Maybe if the universe revolved, that would be cool, but what would it revolve around?Furno: I dunno, a giant sun in the middle of a group of alternate dimension universes that are bubble shaped and slowly expanding?Rocka: Your imagination is messed up.Stormer: Your choice of games is messed up. Who on earth plays Borderlands 2? It doesn't even have good graphics! Looks like 3D anime instead of a game!Rocka: Talk about choice of games, you worship Microsoft despite the fact that they only publish, and they don't create, the game. If they created the game, it would probably be about as slow as internet explorer.Stormer: You...you.....!Furno: Apply cold water on burned area.Stormer: DUDE! Seriously, stop using memes in the middle of conversations!Rocka: I don't, unless the other person is just setting himself up for a dose of burn.Audience: OOooooooh!Furno: Seems like you put dry ice on your burn...aaaaaaaaaaand its a double burn.Stormer: DUDE! SRSLY, That wasn't even a legit meme!Furno: Your face isn't legit.Audience: OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-Somewhere in New England, USA.JL, Karo, Tahu Mata and Tahu Nuva were walking alongside the road. They had recently consumed a burger from a Mcdonalds nearby, Tahu Mata having accidentally been squished by a person eating 2 extra large meals 'with diet coke'. Luckily, he was successful in setting the persons bum on fire, saving himself from a squishy death and also helping that guy lose weight. They were still very close to the atlantic ocean, as so far they have only been trying to find a good place to get back home; meaning a place with money, and not much people, and a phone, so they could call back home for the teleporter to activate (Hopefully someone clever enough would pick up before they ran out of cash), but they're endeavors have always seemingly been thwarted, probably because New England was the location of Assassins Creed 3's main story.[Cut to the present]JL: So, where do we go next that has money and no humans?Karo: Well, we could always save up as much cash and then head to the countryside in a taxi.Tahu Mata: Well, you were trying to steal someone's wallet, which wasn't really nice, and that failed, since you were tiny. And next, the wallet is about half your height! How about we find a better place?Tahu Nuva: Well, we COULD open it up in this big american city which-JL: Hey look! Another Gamestop shop! Can I go check it out? Oh wait, you ain't the boss of me! Yes I can!And so he flew over to Gamestop while Karo and the 2 Tahu's hurried over to try and catch up.JL: (Slams the window) Hey, open up![Nobody hears]JL: Hey!! Argh, people are just slackers! This is why I hate gamers!.......I procrastinate too much! Ugh, I'll just have to open the door myself. (Flies up towards handle, grabs it, and tugs.)Door: [Nothing happens]JL: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!Door: [Opens by an inch]JL: Argh! Ugh! Ran out of juice.....wait, that sounded a bit wrong.Door: [Closes]Tahu Mata: *Pant* Hey! *Pant* *Pant* Why don't you *Pant*JL: Why don't you guys stop panting?Tahu Nuva: *Pant* We ran for so far! *Pant*JL: 12 meters. Really. Just 12...fricken meters. Is that hard? Seriously?Karo: I feel fine. *Vomits*Tahu Mata: We're tiny! We're like, 6 inches tall!JL: Midget.Tahu Nuva: Hey! Thats offensive.JL: And so is your face!Tahu Mata: Thats it, you're about to get burned! (Shoots a fireball at JL)JL: Awoops! (Strafes left) Missed! Oh, and come on, guys. I'm sure that there's a better place to go other than getting stuck not being able to open a stupid Gamestop door.Tahu Mata: *Whispers* And just a minute ago you were rushing to it, hoping to look at things that you've seen a million times before.Tahu Nuva: *Whispers* Just like a female.Tahu Mata: *Whispers* You got that right.Somewhere else.........Figure 1: Well, then. It seems we are back together again, and our numbers are growing.Figure 2: Yeah, and I got a new name.Figure 3: Yeah, dude. And its 'Turd.'Figure 2: Well, I can change it back, dude! You suck!Figure 1: Guys, guys, calm down. I've been on a pilgrimage for over a year now, and I've formulated a new evil plan to get money.Figure 4: Which is....?Figure 1: How about....we take an island which is treasured so building isn't allowed, and 2 countries with historic records on it politically argue with it, and then, we threaten to destroy the island unless the 2 countries pay us a hefty random!Figure 2:....Uhh....That kind of...happened already.Figure 1: Well, come on, guys! I'm the boss here! And I've been gone for over a fricken year! Throw me a fricken bone here, ok? I'm the boss, I need the info! What the heck!.....ok....how about plan B: Using money from a credit card, I have built something known as a big 'laser'. Using this 'laser', we will shoot at this protective layer of earth that lies in the atmosphere called the "Ozone Layer". Then, once there is a hole in it, the suns rays will come in through the hole and stay stuck. The world will get hotter and hotter....unless the UN make sure to pay us a hefty random.Figure 3:.....Sir....that kind of already happened.Figure 1: Well ****................alright, fine. Lets just do it the usual way we do it, steal a credit card and extract all the money from it.
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#76 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Sep 24 2012 - 06:07 PM

Tahu Nuva: Well, we COULD open it up in this big american city which-JL: Hey look! Another Gamestop shop! Can I go check it out? Oh wait, you ain't the boss of me! Yes I can!

No, wait, yes, no, wait no...

Karo: I feel fine. *Vomits*Tahu Mata: We're tiny! We're like, 6 inches tall!JL: Midget.Tahu Nuva: Hey! Thats offensive.JL: And so is your face!

And the face comeback makes its dreaded return...Good chappy. Not quite as enjoyable as the ones before it, but the Gamestop scene was pretty funny.-MT

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#77 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Oct 22 2012 - 02:04 AM

Chapter 41: How to not sleepIn America....Tahu: JL, what are you doing?JL: *Eyes closed, doesn't talk*Tahu: Hey, JL.JL: *No reaction*Tahu: HEY! JL!JL: Dude, shut up! I'm trying to not sleep!Tahu: What do you mean, not sleep? You have your eyes closed, a bedsheet wrapped around you, what are you trying to do then?JL: To not sleep.Tahu: What the heck?JL: Well, I read on a tabloid that people who meditate for 10 minutes sleep one hour less. So I'm meditating for 8 hours so I don't have to sleep.Tahu: Hold on, what sane person reads from a tabloid?JL: Maybe I'm insane. Who knows. Definitely not you. The tabloid says that people who play with fire generally have a lower IQ than normal people.Tahu: Prove it.JL: It also says that people asking for proof are people who know that it's correct.Tahu: Dang, sometimes I just want to burn you.JL: And, following that, it also says that once they ask for proof and you deny it, if they say they want to burn you or hurt you in any way, its because you guessed correctly.Tahu: What the #$%^& was the person who submitted his ideas to the tabloid thinking?[Flashback to 1 month ago]Tahu: And here are all my ideas, theorized and tested. Maybe they'll give me 10 bucks for my hard work! More lighter fluid![Flashback ends]Tahu: He's probably just some ##### who wants some cash for this silly thing he'll play with at home.JL: Now, let me go back to meditating. *Puts on earphones*Tahu: They fit?JL: I asked apple to sell a custom one.Tahu: What do they do?JL: They....send the sound right into your ears.Tahu: What are you listening to?JL:......Tahu: Riiiiight. You gonna answer me or what?====Back in the apartment.....Furno: Hey.Pahrak-Kal: Oh, hey.Furno: Do you know where I can get a hardhat, a gun and a magnet?Pahrak-Kal: No to the first, Why would you want that to the second and yes to the third.Furno: Darn. I was hoping you could help me.Pahrak-Kal: Why?Furno: I used to be able to fly because I had jetpacks, but now I can't. So I'm conducting a science experiment which Vezon would be filming.Pahrak-Kal: Vezon filming you? You do know he's a bit.....silly, insane, and maybe retarded?Furno: Really? What happened?[Flashback]Pahrak-Kal: Hey, I need a knife!Vezon: Oh, sure! Here's some potassium, nickel and iron!Pahrak-Kal: What?[Flashback ends]Pahrak-Kal: And that was when I realized he had an IQ of below 1.Furno: Um...I actually think he made sense.Pahrak-Kal: Uh, What? Oh, not you, too! *Storms off*Furno: Well...I mean....KNiFe!=====And then, once again in the land of the free.....Karo: Ugh, stupid flight companies!Tahu Nuva: What is it?Karo: We don't have enough money to pay for tickets.Tahu Nuva: I doubt they'd let us on, anyways. We're like, toys. We'd fit inside the luggage.Karo: Yeah, but.......in the luggage, there aren't any inflight entertainment. And inflight entertainment is better than all other forms of entertainment!Tahu Nuva: How so?Karo: Dude!......Free stuff! It's like torrents, except in the air! We're gonna be space pirates!Tahu Nuva: Um....Maybe not. Hey, did you hear about the guy who jumped from space onto earth?Karo: Felix Bumgutter?Tahu Nuva: I think it's "Baumgauter".Karo: Sounds the same to me.Tahu Nuva: You know what? How about you try to find another form of transportation for us?Karo: Sure! *Leaves*Tahu Nuva: *Sigh* Finally.5 minutes later.Karo: I'm back!Tahu Nuva: And what is it now....?Karo: I got a form of transportation, just like you asked!JL: How? What?Karo: Pigeons! We tie ourselves to them, shoot an AK-47 the opposite direction and they'll fly! And then when we need to land, we can just murder pigeons one by one!JL: You know, I feel like pigeons, aren't the best for....these stuff.Pigeon: [Target Acquired] (Flies above Karo, poops)Karo: Eww! What's this white icky stuff? Smells disgusting.JL, Tahu and Tahu Nuva: (Backs away)Karo: Hmm. Actually tastes....kinda nice!JL: *Yao Ming Scared Face* I'm scarred for life, Karo....Karo: And now I have a tummy ache. I think my stomach got scarred for life, too........=====Somewhere above the pacific ocean...... Aexid turned, sitting on his throne at the top of the floating city/country, whose name the narrator still hasn't said. Since his return, his power had grew. He held out his hand, and a lightning bolt pulsed out of a cloud to strike a mountain down below. He chuckled. "So," he thought, "Who will oppose us now?" He walked down. The inventor titan looked at him as he walked back under the ground which was in the sky. "When will it be done?" Aexid asked. The inventor looked at him. "3 seconds, tops." He said. "You sure are fast, brother," Aexid proclaimed. 3 seconds passed, and then Aexid took what the inventor had been making for him into his quarters. "Finally," he said to himself, "A MODDED XBOX!!!!"
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#78 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Oct 29 2012 - 12:19 AM

Game Review: Assassin's Creed 3Tahu: Hey guys, I'm Tahu. I'm retarded. DANGIT!Jaller: And I'm Jaller, who's rich enough to bribe anyone in the world.Tahu: Unfortunately. We're from the local comedy nobody reads now, How To Live An Exciting Life.Jaller: And we also have an Xbox 360. Which is great!Tahu: So, Jaller somehow managed to bribe the correct person, so we now have a copy of Assassins Creed 3 early. Needless to say, it took us around 12 hours to beat the game, all the Desmond sections, and find out about the ending.Jaller: And so, we're here to do a review. Spoiler alert, the game actually comes out tomorrow, so we'll just put up a spoiler. Of course, you should definitely read about the ending, so when it comes, you won't be disappointed.Tahu: As much as we were.
Spoiler
Tahu: True. And that just about wraps up this game review. Overall, we would have given it a 9.5 out of 10, but the ending drops it by like, 3. Which is a lot.Jaller: So we've decided to award AC3 a 7.5/10.Tahu: .....And that proves your stupidity.Jaller: What?Tahu: Anyways, this wraps up our AC3 game review. I'm sure that once Halo 4 comes out, we'll be bringing you another one. Cya!JL: (Muffled)AND I'M DOING IT!

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#79 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Oct 30 2012 - 02:11 PM

Nice to have this back.On the review itself...I really want to play the game, so, I think I'll avoid reading it for a while...I am kinda amazed that you got it this quickly, though.-MT
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#80 Offline JL Zehvor

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Posted Oct 30 2012 - 10:00 PM

Oh, I don't have it. I just know the entire plot, including the ending.Which is my big problem right now. I really don't want to spoil it for you, but I also don't know if you'll like it when the time comes.
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