Review: Adventures On Mata Nui

[Master Inika]

This is the review topic for Adventures on Mata Nui. This tells the stories of the Matoran of Mata Nui, as the Toa arrive to their island and bring an end to the Dark Time. Constructive criticism only.

Edited May 26, 2012 by Master Inika

[Cederak]

Bionicle from the perspective of Matoran has seldom kept my attention very long. Something about their general fragileness when faced with the world around them just doesn’t appeal to me much. I try not to let that sway me when I’m perusing the epics here, though, and I can safely say this is an excellent start to a story. I came across a few minor errors, but nothing that a few seconds of editing won’t fix.

that is happens when fire-spitters

that is what happens when fire-spitters

Le-Koro to Ga-Koro was sothing

Le-Koro to Ga-Koro was something

The Nui-Jaga’s eyed, staring right back

I'm not sure what you meant here.Adventures on Mata Nui - a straightforward title that pretty much tells me what I'm getting into if I start reading this. Thanks to your review topic, however, I got a bit of extra info on how the Toa are on their way. There was really no indication how many years had passed since the Great Rescue, but knowing the Toa are eventually showing up is exciting. That particular period of time has been covered very well in the official storyline, from Takua's perspective, and from the Toa Mata's as well.I'm left with the assumption that you'll be describing the awe-inspiring arrival of the Toa through the eyes of regular Matoran. And to be honest, there's room to explore there. Unless you plan to deviate drastically from the canon story, there's no new surprises headed for Mata Nui that I didn't read about in 2001. Rather, what you do with your characters, and how they interact with their island home during this crisis will be far more significant. Your characters played off of each other well, and the dialogue was smooth. Detail felt a tad lacking now and again, which, after seeing Mata Nui for years, I almost forgot - it's so instantaneous to know what that island looks like for me. Despite that, it was a decent first chapter. Adventures on Mata Nui will surely explore territory that is all too familiar, but I'm curious to see what you'll have these characters doing in it. Keep up the effort, Master Inika.-Ced

[Master Inika]

that is happens when fire-spitters

that is what happens when fire-spitters There was really no indication how many years had passed since the Great Rescue, but knowing the Toa are eventually showing up is exciting. That particular period of time has been covered very well in the official storyline, from Takua's perspective, and from the Toa Mata's as well. -Ced

That was meant to be Treespeak. I can see why those characters are Greg's least favorite, lol.During a few points, I tried to show that this was taking place before the Toa arrived.

[The Iron Toa]

I like the story. There's a certain charm about reading about Matoran. I myself don't like to write about what canon characters do and say, but I think you've pulled it off well.There are a couple things I don't get. First, why did Makani wonder if Lewa would show up? At first I thought this took place before the Toa arrived, but the next chapter shows that it's during the events of the Mata Nui Online Game and that the Toa have come to Mata Nui already. Second, why did Tiribomba need all that special treatment for Makuta's influence to be removed, after Kopaka removed the infected mask?Still, I enjoyed it, and I hope to see another chapter soon.

Edited April 21, 2012 by The Iron Toa

[Master Inika]

I like the story. There's a certain charm about reading about Matoran. I myself don't like to write about what canon characters do and say, but I think you've pulled it off well.There are a couple things I don't get. First, why did Makani wonder if Lewa would show up? At first I thought this took place before the Toa arrived, but the next chapter shows that it's during the events of the Mata Nui Online Game and that the Toa have come to Mata Nui already. Second, why did Tiribomba need all that special treatment for Makuta's influence to be removed, after Kopaka removed the infected mask?Still, I enjoyed it, and I hope to see another chapter soon.

This is during MNOG, but I imagine the Le-Matoran (or at least just Makani) would be unaware the Toa had come. The problem with MNOG was that it seems like it took place all in one day, so I can't really know.With Tiribomba, they put his mask back on when he was on the slab. I don't know, I just always assumed Toa could only cleanse a mask when it was being worn. I don't think replacement Kanohi were abundant on Mata Nui, and even if they were, it probably wouldn't be wise to leave an infected mask just lying around.Confusing, I know, so you can just read the Fanfiction Writer's "Oops, I Made a Continuity Mistake" Excuse: it's a different way of telling the same story.

[Athmos]

Interesting. This is a very good take on the Matoran. It seemed just a little rushed, but overall this was entertaining.