Mata Nui School For Unstoppable Delusional Dimwits *this Is Not A Ripo

[Trad]

Chapter 1: Back to School *No, this is not a ripoff*Time: Nine p.mPlace: The Toa Mata’s house in an unspecified part of Somewhere NuiN: Four Toa are playing a game that suspiciously looks like Pokemon, one Toa is meditating, and the last one is doing something constructive (building things out of IEGOs.). Let’s go to the game players, which include Tahu, Gali, Pohatu and Onua. The games table is full of scorch marks and Bionicle body parts.Tahu: I summon Inga, the goddess of fire! Burn through your opposition! MUAHAHA!Inga: No.Tahu: WHAT NO! DO WHAT I TELL YOU OR I WILL RIP YOUR CARD INTO TINY LITTLE PIECES AND INCINERATE THEM!Inga: OK, OK! Chill!N: Inga burns a hole in the table and disappears.Tahu: Not my fault. Gali’s turn.Gali: I activate the Llewmorc ability of this item, and summon Eccentric Songstress, Ydal Agag! Bash the eardrums!N: Born This Way begins to fill the room, very loudly, causing Kopaka to wake out of his meditative trance, bringing Freddy Kruger Nui into this world, who immediately gets vaporized by the sound waves. Lewa starts jumping around into the straitjacket.Pohatu: The Ponies of Brilliance!Onua: I use the Negate ability of this card! I summon Keetongu, keeper of the sets and copyrights!N: Keetongu shambles in.Keetongu: I am Keetongu , keeper of copyrights. And you have used Lady Gaga’s name and song, so you should be bashed!(only he says it as RAAAARARARARARARARARAR!)N: Keetongu starts hitting the author’s hands which are typing this, only to find himself flung away to the Kuiper Belt instead.Tahu: Uh… Gali….Gali: Yes, Tahu?N; Right now, thoughts are racing in Tahu’s mind. He’s thinking, ‘She talked to me! Should I tell her that I love her?’Tahu: Um…er…ah… Where’s the mail?Gali: I have no idea. It should be here by- Pohatu! Kopaka! Run!N: Gali quickly pushed Tahu, Onua and herself out of the way of the incoming dump truck which was reversing into the house. Kopaka levitated himself up and went far away from the dump truck. However, Pohatu got squashed and so did I, so I’m calling my replacement. Hello? N2?N2: Well, the mailman stuck his head out of um…um…N: The dump truck windows!N2: Oh, yes! The dump truck windows!Mailman: Mail!N2: The mailman started to work the er… com-trolls-N: The controls!N2: Right: The controls! Of the dump truck, causing it to reverse and advance , squashing Pohatu and my boyfriend.N: *Groans* The Main Narrator, you moron! And I am not your boyfriend!N2: Please, darling! Well, the mailman, in an eeffoorrt-N: Effort!N2: Oh! Effort! To control the dump truck accidentally fried the controls, causing it to gain sentience. The dump truck then chas-sed….N: Chased!N2: Yes! Chased the mailman, who was panicking.Mailman: Oh, mamma mia! Oh, GLaDOS! Oh, German Swear Words! Oh, Even More German Swear Words! Oh, Chell! Oh, Dio Mio! Oh, Santa Clawz! Oh, Gene Simmons! Oh, Buddha! Oh, Harriet Tubman! Oh, The Oatmeal! Oh, Poirot! Oh, Skynet! Oh, Hiroshi Ishiguro! Help!N2: The mailman ran at a hundred mile an horeh…N: hour!N2: Right! Hour! In a bid to escape the dump truck chasing him. Meanwhile, Pohatu rose.Pohatu: Oh… my back… It hurts… So much… *Starts singing*N2: Pohatu had started signing.N: Singing!N2: Oh. Tahu and Gali glanced at each other. Tahu then looked away, blushing.Pohatu : *Singing to the tune of Born this Way*The mailman came to give us our mail,In his stupid dump truck.He drove over me, not over Kopaka,Curse you stupid author.Now I found my true calling,Which is singing like a great pro.So now everyone celebrate!A new artist is on the rise!Let’s breakdance right now.Oops, I forgot I can’t do it.Cause I’ve just been run overBy the dump truck.Let’s do a sing along,Like those people in GleeAnd let’s make them look likeA bunch of newbies!I’m so completely original.Unlike that stupid Bieber.That a-hole copies everyone,Including Adele!That’s my nicest comment on him.I could be even nastier.But today we have a worse problem,Where is our mail?Seriously where is it?We’ve been waiting since9 p.m., please give usOur mail, you idjits.Or we’re going to complainAbout the postal service!*Singing stops*N: Can you seriously stop singing now?N2: Darling, he had stopped!N: Oh! Well, um… let’s go to the seedy looking part of Somewhere Nui, where a meeting is taking place.Time: 12 p.mPlace: The Seediest Area of Somewhere Nui??: We meet again. What is my new assignment???: Go to the school. Talk to D. He will give you your new assignment.??: Understood.??: You will not fail this assignment this time. Otherwise you will be exiled from the order.??: Yes.N: Both of them leave. Let’s go back to the Toa’s house, and quick!Time: 12 p.mPlace: The Toa Mata’s house in an unspecified part of Somewhere NuiMailman: Come on Dumpy, give these folks them mail.Dumpy: Whine…..N2: Dumpy then regurgitated the Toa’s mail on my shoes…. Urgh. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THESE COST?Author: No. I’ll compensate you accordingly and just keep narrating.N2: The Toa then quickly scrambled to get their mail, wiping it on a nearby piece of cloth…. MY SKIRT!Onua: AH! My pot of earth full of stones and soils to eat! What’s this?Pohatu: Oh, tha-a-a-a-t Is mi-i-i-ine!Onua: Can I read it?Pohatu: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I will kill you if you dooooooooo!N: Onua gives the letter to Pohatu.Lewa: Where is my mail-post ?!?!Gali: Here.N: Gali hands the post over. Lewa then opens it.KAPOW! courtesy of The Dark Umbra.Tahu: CURSE YOU TDU FOR DESTROYING OUR HOUSE!N: Tahu sent a nuclear mail bomb to TDU through the catapult mail service. We now go to TDC’s house, which now is a burnt down lot.TDC: Ow.N: He then becomes ashes. Let’s go back to the Toa’s house where Pohatu is now reading his letter.Pohatu:“Dear Pohatu,We have considered your application as a sleep-in security guard. You know, the interview where all of you burnt the building down? We’re not going to press charges yet.This letter is about something else. We checked your school records. In fact all of your team’s school records. We found that you all haven’t went to school for millions of years. So, if you don’t want us suing you, go to the only school in your district, which is Mata Nui School for Unstoppable Delusional Dimwits.Thank you.”What? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I don’t even have supplies!Gali: I believe that I stored away some in preparation for this eventuality.Tahu: Thank Mata Nui, Gali! What will we do without you?Gali: You’ll all be dead for sure.Onua: Do you realise that we all are going to school?Gali: What? YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!N: Gali then fainted from excitement, with Tahu catching her.Lewa: We’re all going to school?!N: Yes, shut up!END.Author: Sorry for the boring ending. But-Kopaka interrupted the author. “Why do not I have any lines?”Author: Because I was lazy!END. For real this time. Edited January 8, 2012 by TradtheCellist