Namata Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 (edited) Welcome to the review topic for my new story, Naming Day. Friendly criticism is very much appreciated! Edited May 18, 2020 by Namata Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Inika Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 I like this story very much. You've captured the heart of the characters very well. I admit I smiled more than a few times while reading it. It has a strong, almost "40 years of wandering" tone to it, with the idea of the wilderness and organizing the community. I also appreciate the look into reality vs. mythology, one of my favorite themes of Bionicle. Hope to read the next installment soon. 1 Quote "You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer." -- Turaga Nokama Click here to visit my library! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Namata Posted May 19, 2020 Author Share Posted May 19, 2020 On 5/18/2020 at 2:30 AM, Master Inika said: I like this story very much. You've captured the heart of the characters very well. I admit I smiled more than a few times while reading it. It has a strong, almost "40 years of wandering" tone to it, with the idea of the wilderness and organizing the community. I also appreciate the look into reality vs. mythology, one of my favorite themes of Bionicle. Hope to read the next installment soon. Thank you so much for your kind feedback! I'm glad you think that way about the characters; I made sure to reread the Adventures series to get them right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
That Matoran with a Vahi Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) I officially love this! For two major reasons. The first is that I simply never considered exactly what the side-effects of being in the spheres for so long would have been; but the way you're unpacking that, and the Turaga's thoughts and reactions around it, is fascinating, and I'm eager to see where you take it. It's neat to see the Turaga struggling to find their feet for the first time, something that canon completely skipped over; and plus, it's always a treat to get to see my old favourites of the MNOG Matoran again The second is that your humour here is AMAZING. The last line of chapter one felt so absolutely on-point for the character's brand of mischief; the Hafu-Taipu mixup was spectacular; and the explanation behind Orkahm's changed name works perfectly. Definitely eager to see more ^^ Edited June 16, 2020 by That Matoran with a Vahi 1 Quote "New legends awake, but old lessons must be remembered. For that is the way of the BIONICLE." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Namata Posted June 27, 2020 Author Share Posted June 27, 2020 On 6/16/2020 at 6:33 PM, That Matoran with a Vahi said: I officially love this! For two major reasons. The first is that I simply never considered exactly what the side-effects of being in the spheres for so long would have been; but the way you're unpacking that, and the Turaga's thoughts and reactions around it, is fascinating, and I'm eager to see where you take it. It's neat to see the Turaga struggling to find their feet for the first time, something that canon completely skipped over; and plus, it's always a treat to get to see my old favourites of the MNOG Matoran again The second is that your humour here is AMAZING. The last line of chapter one felt so absolutely on-point for the character's brand of mischief; the Hafu-Taipu mixup was spectacular; and the explanation behind Orkahm's changed name works perfectly. Definitely eager to see more ^^ Wow, thank you very much!! Glad to hear I'm not the only one fascinated by this gap in the story and the possibilities it holds for character development. Plus, it's always scary to try to write comedy, so I'm really happy you found it funny. This was exactly the encouragement I needed to keep writing chapter 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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