It’s a brand new day, and the evil Doctor Drake, notorious holder of a Ph. D in Matoran-era history, walks up to the general bulletin board in the center of New Atero, armed with his trusty hammer, an extra large Skall knife, and a challenge painted in bright red letters.
HISTORICAL CHARACTER RECLASSIFICATION NOTICE
Character: Makuta Teridax
Class: Honorable Hero
(Challenges to this reclassification are invited to meet me in my office in twenty minutes)
Lawyer: That’s bad PR. You’ll be dead in twenty minutes.
Doctor Drake: Not if I can prove it.
(Twenty minutes later, the six Toa Nuva appear in the Doctor’s office, not withstanding Tahu, looking especially irritated, and Vezon, because he likes the Doctor for some reason not worth mentioning)
Doctor Drake: You have come to answer my challenge?
Tahu: Yes. Teridax was a murderer!
Doctor Drake: Well, he murdered a bunch of Makuta who were rooting the minds of innocent Matoran in Kini Nui, and a few hundred Rahkshi that he created. Of course, that was to defeat the evil Voporak, so I’m willing to excuse his personal self sacrifice.
Gali: Not to mention a boatload of Rahi and Matoran.
Doctor: Which are not further infesting this planet, contributing to more than their share of problems for the native inhabitants.
Tahu: Such as?
Drake: Overpopulation, for one thing.
Gali: How dare you! Teridax nearly killed the Great Spirit Mata Nui! That would have nicely solved your overpopulation problem, you scoundrel!
Drake: He also waylaid the Barraki with his own attacks, allowing the valiant Toa Mahri to send Matoro to save Mata Nui’s life.
Lewa: Just so he could take the robot over.
Drake: Which allowed the Great Spirit to arrive here, and power up the hunks of junk in the desert, which further facilitated the restoration of this planet.
Lawyer: You are insane.
Drake: Excuse me?
Lawyer: No, I was talking about him. (He points to Vezon, who is enthusiastically nodding along with everything Drake says)
Onua: You forget that he caused needless pain and hardship for countless beings, not to mention unnecessary deaths. *looks at Gali*
Vezon: I did?
Onua: (Ignoring Vezon) He also is responsible for my fellow Toa’s …transformation…due to the insidious Rahkshi armies.
Drake: In other words, he built up your character to lead the Matoran on this planet, to prepare you. I would expect nothing less from such a great leader. I am sure your final test – he gestured to Tahu – will further benefit you in ways unexpected.
Vezon: Thank You.
Pohatu: What are you trying to gain by this? Teridax is dead.
Drake: It is not wise to speak ill of the dead.
Vezon: I’m not dead! I’m not dead!
Lawyer: We know.
Tahu: For the sake of peace in our society, you are under arrest.
Drake: I am simply a conscientious objector. You have no right to arrest me.
Lawyer: And what point would that serve, other to create unnecessary hassles on my client, sir?
Drake: Well, he is part Makuta.
Vezon: I’m not dead. I mean, he’s not dead…wait…
Pohatu: I think we need some time to think this over. Agreed?
He looks around questioningly at the irritated Toa. One by one, they stomp out the door, Tahu smashing the threshold in raw fury.
Vezon follows. A few seconds later, a Spiket cart charges past, nearly running over the Skakdi. At the last second, he flips out of the way.
Vezon: I’m not dead!
Drake: And neither am I.
Lawyer: It’s a good thing I didn’t bet on that one. So who’s next on the list? Mata Nui?
Drake smiles menacingly.
Drake: No, pal. Remember, the Great Spirit is off limits. His flaws have already been categorized by the Authority on such matters. But as for the next challenge…that is for me to know, and you to not find out.
He settles back in his chair, deep in thought.
Doctor Drake sits up in his chair.
fishers64: So you’re going to answer a few questions about this comedy.
Drake: Isn’t that your job?
Lawyer: It’s my job! I’m head of public relations!
fishers64: Very well. The Lawyer will now answer questions relating to this comedy.
Can I guest star in this comedy?
Lawyer: It’s an extremely dangerous proposition, but you may enter the highly dangerous world of this comedy to defend your favorite character from the tyranny of the Doctor. While I would advise against this, opposite rules apply. You may choose to defend your favorite hero from being classified as a villain, or you may try to prove that villain is really out to destroy the world.
How often will this comedy be updated?
Lawyer: As soon as the Doctor can come up with a new challenge, which usually takes about a week. However, if a lot of people are attacking his positions, he usually tends to accelerate matters. (And for some reason, fall weather makes his mind slow down – I haven’t quite figured that out yet)
Are there any specials planned for this comedy?
Lawyer: That’s a question for our humanoid liaison.
fishers64: Maybe if we get a lot of guest defenders for a particular character, we’ll do something special. Other than that…
Doctor: That is for me to know, and you not to find out.
fishers64: We have to tell them about K- *Doctor slaps hand over fishers64’s mouth*
Okay! Okay! Fine, I guess that wasn’t part of the contract.
Lawyer: No, it most certainly was not.
fishers64: If you dare, join us next time on Spinning Doctor Drake! *looks at Doctor and the Lawyer* We’re all right…kinda.
Edited by fishers64, Dec 07 2013 - 07:36 PM.