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Makuta Hunt Review Topic


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#41 Offline -Toa Lhikevikk-

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Posted Dec 08 2011 - 01:01 PM

Okay. Been so long that I barely remember who those were, anyways. :PThe Wolf's rampage at the beginning was was very creepy and awesome. Tobduk's personality seems to be solidifying now, and that's a good thing. His line at the end was kinda silly though. Oh, and this sentence is... interesting: "With all the air of a scolded child who maintains he has done no wrong, the ten-foot-tall warrior slunk down the street."A reference to human behaviour? Okay...

Edited by Lhikevikk Returns!, Dec 08 2011 - 01:05 PM.

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#42 Offline Baron Von Nebula

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Posted Dec 08 2011 - 04:32 PM

Hmmm... If the moon/stars in the MU are lightbulbs inside Mata Nui's chest... My best guess right now is our Makuta found a way to tap into the moon to give the mystery Matoran the energy to be the Wolf. Tobduk seems to have learned something from Nestra, considering he actually cares whether or not the Wolf is also a Matoran. I especially wonder whether the Matoran A. realizes what he's doing. B. Is intentionally serving the Makuta, like Ahkmou.


Edited by Baron Von Nebula, Dec 08 2011 - 04:33 PM.

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#43 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Dec 08 2011 - 06:33 PM

@ Lhik: I've noticed that in recent episodes Tobduk's seemed a bit unlike himself when it comes to anger and his demeanor. I tried to fix him back on track in this chapter. I intend for him to grow and develop a little more, but I have to keep in mind how he acts in Brothers in Arms and Destiny War.As for Tobduk's line, I suppose it was a bit odd for him (looking at it now, I'm distinctly reminded of the Ninth Doctor at the beginning of The Empty Child), and the "scolded child" sentence is definitely out of place in a BIONICLE fanfic. XD I think I'll go change that.@ BVN: Both are pretty good theories - that the Wolf draws on the moon's power and that its alter ego is serving Luporax. Note that this statement should not be taken to mean either theory is true or not. Time will tell.BTW, everybody, I've updated the first post with reference information for this episode, and I've added a little bit of trivia about Luporax. This may or may be important in The Poisoned Island....

Edited by Angel Bob, Dec 09 2011 - 10:24 AM.

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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#44 Offline Magnus Greel

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Posted Dec 09 2011 - 05:03 PM

Pretty interesting chaper, in my opinion. I like the description you gave the Matoran in terms of armor colors and elemental attribute. I have a feeling whichever Matoran is the Wolf must not know they become it, or forget immediately about everything he did after turning back into a Matoran, because it would be easy for Nestra to find which one is the beast. Or Tobduk might be kept from returning to the others to prevent him from telling them that one of them is really the Wolf.
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#45 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Dec 09 2011 - 05:12 PM

@ Magnus: Thanks -- most of the chapters of Dark Moonlight will be roughly the same as this. A bit slower than other episodes, and with only a bit of action, but rising tension all the same. As for your theories, those make a lot of sense -- but who can say there isn't another solution?
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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#46 Offline Solomon Kane

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Posted Dec 09 2011 - 09:47 PM

The initial attack, a crucial scene in any monster story, was quite well done here, as it shows that these Matoran can defend themselves without detracting from the Wolf's sense of threat by making him seem like a pushover. The interrogation scene is amusing, but I have a hard time seeing Tobduk allowing himself to be ordered around that easily. The fact that we've seen in earlier stories just how much he cares about Nestra helps to make this more believable, but it still seems like he gave in a bit too easily."That is not dead which can eternal lie, / And with strange aeons even death may die."

Edited by Great Cthulhu, Dec 09 2011 - 09:47 PM.

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#47 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Dec 12 2011 - 05:05 PM

on the Wolf: It's a powerful creature, but the Matoran are clever. Whoever it is, it loses its intelligence and cunning with its transformation.on Tobduk: Perhaps. Tobduk is a lot more stubborn than that on most occasions, but I suppose I can get away with saying that any given person might act differently in a given situation depending on other variables. Considering that Tobduk had already decided to forego his usual methods and ask questions before acting, he might have been feeling more submissive when it came to his other qualities at the time. Who can say for sure? Not me. :P
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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#48 Offline -Toa Lhikevikk-

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Posted Dec 15 2011 - 12:35 PM

Ah. Lovely new chapter, as usual. Dialogue starts out kinda Shakespearean at the beginning, but turns into standard police procedural later in the chapter. Fohnt's a bit of a trickster, isn't he? :P Sounds like he must be Comic Sans MS. Interesting how the Wolf turns out to be more of a chimera...
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#49 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Dec 15 2011 - 03:11 PM

Or is that the Wolf? I'm afraid I must not have made this clear enough, but...

Nestra looked at the next sheet [after Renfen's drawing of the Wolf], and shuddered. A terrible beast was drawn here -- a monstrosity towering above the trees, with the roaring face of a muaka and the trampling hooves of a kikanalo. Squinting, Nestra could make out that its tail ended in what looked like the head of a horned serpent. What appeared to be lightning crackled around the appendage.

What I failed to explain was that Luporax is trying again, this time with something far mightier than a mere muaka. It's still afternoon in the story, so the Wolf isn't at large yet.

Edited by Angel Bob, Dec 15 2011 - 06:13 PM.

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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#50 Offline Nevermore

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Posted Dec 16 2011 - 09:03 AM

This is great! I would like to say that the slight tinge of horror is part of what draws me to this series but don't let it get out of control and turn from the excellent series it is to something far worse. It is confusing to a small degree to have so many beasts wandering Lunidel but I'm sure that will get cleared up. Also I think you should make at least one episode with a definite Shakespearean theme.-Professor Moriarty.
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#51 Offline Touko Fukawa

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Posted Dec 17 2011 - 04:52 AM

ARGHH THERE'S A MATORAN CALLED FENNIR NESTRA DONT TRUST HIM DONT YOU KNOW YOUR NORSE MYTHOLOGY???Seriously, this is very nice. Always love to see some character development with Tobduk. I wonder what is up with Renfen. I think someone is possessing him, or entering his dreams to make him see these things, because there is no other explanation for why a matoran could do that. Or maybe he's not really a matoran.... All in all, I quite like the effect of tension>action. However, the big monster should have been described in greater detail, IMO.
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#52 Offline Magnus Greel

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Posted Dec 17 2011 - 04:04 PM

I knew Tobduk would be kept from contacting the others.Sounds to me like Luporax is making a beast similar to the Rahi Nui.
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#53 Offline -Toa Lhikevikk-

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Posted Dec 18 2011 - 06:02 PM

The chimera is pretty awesome; it's the best monster you've come up with that I can recall. :biggrin: The way that Tobduk and Nestra just walk up to Luporax's castle and ask if he can come out to play is kinda funny. Luporax is a pretty cool villain (assuming he is, of course -- it'd be an interesting twist to have a good Makuta for a change); he reminds me of House from The Doctor's Wife.The ellipses get a bit overused at the end, though.EDIT: And yes, Fennir is a very suspicious name in a werewolf-themed story. ;)

Edited by Lhikevikk Returns!, Dec 18 2011 - 06:03 PM.

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#54 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Dec 18 2011 - 08:43 PM

Thanks -- I came up with the chimera practically on the spot, actually. Apparently I need to have action in my chapters to keep you guys interested, and that's the purpose the chimera served. :)Actually, I try to have an interesting monster in each episode (that isn't the episode's Makuta). I think I've pretty much succeeded so far.Episode 1: The Hunt Begins - DevoidEpisode 2: The Waters of Death - the jungle elementalsEpisode 3: The Gaze of Stone - the stone skeletonsEpisode 4: Thunderwing - the murahkEpisode 5: Disassembly Line - WardenEpisode 6: The Subtarond Project - the EarthEpisode 7: Dark Moonlight - the chimeraWho knows what we'll be seeing in The Poisoned Island? I can guarantee we'll encounter some favorite Brotherhood soldiers, and they're not Rahkshi or any variation of them....Luporax is indeed an interesting character, and his politeness is indeed reminiscent of House. It's not likely he's a "good" Makuta, because wouldn't that defeat the purpose of the story? Unless there's something more to this mystery, and he's not responsible for the Wolf at all...There's more to him, we'll find -- Why does he hide in shadow? Is he truly a Makuta of his word? How and why did he set the Wolf on Lunidel, if he did at all? And he's a very important player in Tobduk's past, as well, for reasons unknown to all save two truly evil Makuta... :sly:Sorry about the ellipses, though. I didn't notice at the time, but now I've corrected them.As for Fennir, well, there's a reason I gave him that name. :evilgrin:

Edited by Angel Bob, Dec 18 2011 - 09:01 PM.

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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#55 Offline Baron Von Nebula

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Posted Dec 20 2011 - 08:08 PM

Ah, but Renfen sounds like Fenrir too, only scrambled around. I've been wondering what Luporax is trying to gain by getting the few inhabitants of his region eaten. Hmmm... I'm guessing Luporax isn't connected to Tobduk's past because he gave the Chirox the idea of testing Rahi by setting them on islanders.
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Read my comedy, about the Hero Factory villains watching a television channel produced by our Spherus Magnan friends!
The Bionicle Channel

"I expect that when I write my next entry in this chronicle, I will be writing as uncontested ruler of the Brotherhood."
-Certainty, my Memoirs of the Dead entry

#56 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Dec 22 2011 - 07:09 PM

Luporax and Chirox do both seem to value Matoran life rather less than benevolently...
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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#57 Offline Magnus Greel

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Posted Dec 22 2011 - 08:36 PM

Apologies for the late review.I like how Luporax's character is coming out, and he seems to be quite fond of taking care of others by sending Rahi after them. This is probably because he is good at crafting them, right?Suspense is building up. Even when Tobduk and Nestra could get out of the sea and away from the monster, I feel Luporax may send more Rahi to intercept them, with that all seeing eye of his on Lunidel.
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#58 Offline Solomon Kane

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Posted Dec 28 2011 - 02:08 PM

Terribly sorry for my tardiness; Christmas break has been busier than it has any right to be. As for the latest chapters: Fohnt's little slip-up seems a tad contrived, and I have difficulty seeing Tobduk having such a hard time taking out a single Muaka. Everything else is excellent--the chimera, in particular, and especially the logic behind its defeat, was brilliant. And it seems we now officially have our three prime suspects for the Wolf...Can't wait to see more!"That is not dead which can eternal lie, / And with strange aeons even death may die."
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#59 Offline -Toa Lhikevikk-

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Posted Jan 03 2012 - 06:18 PM

It's a shame we didn't get to see the fight with the sea beast -- missed opportunity for awesomeness, but it probably would have just made the story drag on. Luporax's revelation at the end was pretty cool. "The final solution?" That doesn't sound good. ._.Also, a Felnas only works if the user makes physical contact with the victim. Just in case you didn't know, I wasn't sure if you were planning that plotline.
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#60 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Jan 04 2012 - 11:14 AM

Actually, I think that's it for the monstrous rahi beasts in this episode. XD We've already had both a muaka and the chimera, and now an off-screen sea monster. Initially they weren't planned whatsoever, but people wanted action, so I put them in. Still, I've decided they were drawing the attention away from the true monsters of this episode.As for the Felnas idea... Two things. One, Nestra is a Toa and therefore would know little of the way immoral masks work. (It's surprising she actually knows what a Felnas is, actually.) Two, I think at this point it's obvious that's not the reason...@ Cthulhu: I wouldn't say "officially"... Thanks for your constructive criticism, though. I suppose I could have done Fohnt's little slip-up better. What I wanted to communicate, and may have made too blatant, was that he knows - or thinks - the Wolf has a master. As for Tobduk and the Muaka, my only excuse is that he was unarmed at the time. But that doesn't really mean anything. XD

Edited by Angel Bob, Jan 04 2012 - 08:57 PM.

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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#61 Offline Magnus Greel

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Posted Jan 06 2012 - 09:05 PM

Liking Luporax's character even more now. I think he made quite a mysterious and dramatic revelation of his appearance to the Matoran. The ''final solution'' catches my interest, and I'm curious to see what it is and how it will work out.
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#62 Offline Solomon Kane

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Posted Jan 10 2012 - 08:31 PM

Not a bad chapter overall; the fight/chase scene is well-handled, and Luporax's visitor--a tie-in to the next episode, perhaps?--is also nicely executed. Luporax himself is very impressive, if rather prone to drama, but his reaction to the moonlight is a bit to blatant a hint at his weakness (unless it's not a hint at his weakness at all, in which case it's a nicely crafted red herring)."But as long as I'm here, I get to bust heads!"

Edited by The Main Man, Jan 10 2012 - 08:31 PM.

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#63 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Jan 11 2012 - 11:24 AM

Thanks, it's good to know I can still write chase/fight scenes after taking a break from them for a while. XD Luporax is hamming it up a bit, I concede, but it's not like he's just doing that to try and make the scene more dramatic... right? As for the moonlight, we'll see how blatant a hint it was when I release the final chapter.... :evilgrin:
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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#64 Offline -Toa Lhikevikk-

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Posted Jan 18 2012 - 06:01 PM

Wow. Loved the final chapter. Each revelation was set up in previous chapters to come in rapid-fire here. And just when you think everything is fine now, the massive cliffhanger comes for one last punch. Great work, Angie. :D
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#65 Offline Solomon Kane

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Posted Jan 18 2012 - 11:25 PM

Wow.That's really all there is to say; you have officially blown my mind.The battle is as exciting as ever and the final twists are completely unexpected without coming out of nowhere.To summarize: best ending yet; keep up the excellent work."But as long as I'm here, I get to bust heads!"

Edited by The Main Man, Jan 18 2012 - 11:26 PM.

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#66 Offline Nevermore

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Posted Jan 19 2012 - 09:23 AM

Woah! That caught me completely off guard! That was totally unorthodox that Luporax was the wolf. Now I think we have seen Makuta Droth at the end of the Subtarond Project, no?
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#67 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Jan 19 2012 - 09:34 AM

You know you've done something right when all the reviews start with "Wow" or "Whoa"! :PThanks very much for the praise; it does mean a lot to me. I'd been working towards these revelations for a long time now, and I was a bit worried that some might dislike them, but it seems everything has gone over really well! I actually stuck to my outlined plot twists and still added in some new ones without wrecking the whole thing! This has made my day.However, despite a bunch of successes, one element still came literally out of nowhere; I forgot to include an explanation for the chunk of ore that brought Renfen down! XD Check that scene again for the culprit, although I'm sure most of us could figure out who it was.@ MoC1: Yes, that was Makuta Droth who creeped you out around Halloween. He's only going to get creepier, I'll warn you.

Edited by Angel Bob, Jan 19 2012 - 09:35 AM.

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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#68 Offline Nevermore

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Posted Jan 19 2012 - 03:31 PM

Good! I like creepiness. Creepiness, a berserker hero, unknown monsters, evil megalomaniacal masterminds and a good story are the basis of Makuta Hunt. I have one question, what exactly is Renfen's power when linked to a toa and how does he know he's an Av-Matoran? Takua didn't know he was an Av-Matoran until after he was transformed.

Edited by MoC1: BZPower Paladin, Jan 19 2012 - 03:31 PM.

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#69 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Jan 19 2012 - 05:56 PM

Renfen's power is essentially the same as Solek's; he is able to design, create, and control objects of solid light. I am under the impression that he realized his identity when Lunidel was plunged into darkness and he found himself able to create a sphere of light for himself, somehow having accessed a remnant memory that escaped erasure by the Order.
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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#70 Offline Baron Von Nebula

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Posted Jan 24 2012 - 05:12 PM

Excellent ending; I only wish their had been some kind of subtle hint about Renfen earlier. It just makes Droth that much more of a villain: he hordika-ized another Makuta. I'm assuming Luporax's mutation is unique from hordika like the Metru in that it only activates in moonlight, but is far more potent. I wonder if Luporax suspected an Av-Matoran's presence, considering his actions forced Renfen to reveal his true nature. This would also relate to why he didn't eat Renfen on the spot, and tried to carry him away instead. Perhaps eating Av-Matoran cures hordika :updown: . Are you going back on what you said in The Subtarond Project, that it would be lame for Keetongu to "just zap away the poison" :lol:
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Read my comedy, about the Hero Factory villains watching a television channel produced by our Spherus Magnan friends!
The Bionicle Channel

"I expect that when I write my next entry in this chronicle, I will be writing as uncontested ruler of the Brotherhood."
-Certainty, my Memoirs of the Dead entry

#71 Offline Touko Fukawa

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Posted Jan 31 2012 - 02:21 PM

Wow, this is good. I did LOVE the twist at the ending, finding it very remniscient of a Doctor Who episode. The fight scenes were veyr well described. The sea monster, though just seemed strange, as it afects nothing of the plot, and is dismissed after a few sentences. Just wondering, how could Luporax be affected by the Hordika venom? He's a gas. How can he mutate? On the other hand, the Wolf was very menacing, and I loved the Matoran's distinct personalities. Droth is sounding very evil and creepy. I do love Luporax's cryptic last words. Very sinister. I can't wait to see what the venom does to Nestra. All in all, not perfect, has its flaws, but quite excellent overall ,and no major problems.
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"Only the insane equate pain with success.

Only the savage regard endurance of pain as a measure of worth.

Only the foolish consider pain to be just wages for being different".- The Cheshire Cat  (American McGee's Alice/Alice:Madness Returns)


#72 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Feb 04 2012 - 04:51 PM

Thanks for all the helpful reviews, guys. It actually does help a lot when you report what you didn't like so much, so I can avoid that in future. :)BTW, don't think I've lost interest in the series or anything just because it's taking me a while to post The Poisoned Island. Picking up the pen and starting the project is half the work. I'll write it when I'm struck with inspiration. Not that I don't have any good ideas for the episode - it's just that at present I'm occupied with other things. Makuta Hunt is still high on my priority list, though. :)
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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#73 Offline Magnus Greel

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Posted Feb 05 2012 - 09:17 PM

Almost forgot to review for this. :oTruly amazing, Angel Bob. Good thing we got to see this episode, because we would have missed all these great ideas. I never gave it thought that Luporax might be the Wolf, or guessed that Renfen was an Av-Matoran. Not only was it suspensful, but exciting as well, with much awesomeness. The whole idea that a Makuta becomes a Hordika at night to hunt for his target and manage to conceal the secret from everyone is fasinating.Poor Nestra, though. Sad to know that happens to her after all she's been through. But maybe Makuta Droth has a cure? Also makes me think that maybe Tobduk might bring along another old friend, like Kylodus, or if he'll gone on alone.Very good job with this episode. Can the story get even better? =D
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#74 Offline Maganar

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Posted Feb 06 2012 - 10:00 PM

Sorry about the length, I'm giving a review on the last several chapters as I have been side-tracked recently... :blink: ...That was a dramatic ending! Expert execution in mixing a number of legitimate hints with numerous red herrings. I suspected someone would end up infected once the endless references to the rage-inducing saliva were made, but I never took the time to guess who in my desperation to uncover the truth. Your earllier note that the monstrous Rahi would not be the star beasts in this installment were incredibly true; the beasts that lied within that you invented were far more terrifying!Just so you know, I'd been reading a bunch of Agatha Christie short stories prior to reading the ending of Dark Moonlight. I'd solved several right and had been priding myself in successfully seeing through the Queen of Mystery's deceptions a couple times and then - WHAM! - I read this and just about jump out of my seat at the final revelations. Never saw them coming and you left some decent clues. That was a professional finale.The way you alluded to the events of the sea monster battle but avoided describing them in order to return to the events more germane to the mystery was well thought out. However, I would have appreciated it if you had mentioned the battle not only in dialogue, but said something vague about the battle in one of the character's heads to flesh it out a bit (e.g. "Tobduk pushed the thoughts of thrashing tentacles and water that seethed with his own rage aside. He needed to focus on the task at hand."). I only say this because it is my credo that I always try to find at least one negative to help someone improve, but I really had to struggle to find something in here. It was great.Final words: I am excited to see how you have tied the last three issues of Makuta Hunt together with the insidious Makuta Droth that seems to lurk behind it all. The tension is building to witness the battle on the land that Luporax so vividly described with his last words that you indicate will soon occur. I am waiting for more epicness now. I trust you will deliver.Ok, I'm done here. Hope this covers everything and thanks again for writing Dark Moonlight!
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#75 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Feb 14 2012 - 01:02 PM

@ Magnus: When I introduced Nestra in Disassembly Line, some fans thought it might be a bad idea to give Tobduk a permanent companion. Others welcomed the idea. I'm trying to find the best of both worlds, so for the remaining episodes of Makuta Hunt, Tobduk's companionship will be off and on. Some episodes, such as The Poisoned Island, The Chained Makuta, and The End of the Brotherhood will have one or more companions. Others will be solo missions. That's the plan, at least; companions that were not planned at all may appear, depending on how certain episodes proceed!@ Magnar: Wow, thanks a lot for that glowing praise -- you've made my day! I'm more than a little surprised that the revelations in Dark Moonlight were more surprising than some of Agatha Christie's works, but this is very promising news... Looks like I can actually do a decent mystery story (with my own sci-fi/fantasy touch, of course)! I had my doubts, but there you have it. :PBTW, Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. I've started The Poisoned Island and should have it out soon. (I've been really preoccupied lately, but space to write it in is clearing up now.)
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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#76 Offline Maganar

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Posted Feb 14 2012 - 03:23 PM

...I'm more than a little surprised that the revelations in Dark Moonlight were more surprising than some of Agatha Christie's works, but this is very promising news... Looks like I can actually do a decent mystery story (with my own sci-fi/fantasy touch, of course)! I had my doubts, but there you have it. :P

Well, part of the reason I had solved those Christie mysteries was because of the sheer volume of attempts I had and the reduced cast of characters in the short stories. The collection I'm reading right now has eighteen shorts and I got like three or four right or something like that. I only had one shot to get yours right, not eighteen, but the surprise I got still warranted the comparison. Just don't bloat your ego just yet, I was only saying you caught me off guard even after I had should have pre-empted a twist ending, not that you had topped Christie. http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/tounge2.gif As for your sci-fantasy touch, well, it just wouldn't be you if you didn't have that!I had neglected BZP for the last month due to my responsibilities as a yearbook editor. You see, we're just about to ship off the finalized copy of the book to the printers and the workload is at a max. However, things have calmed down and I had time to finally read all your earlier installments (well, most - I still need to read Disassemby Line) and I can now make a comparison! Honestly, your earllier work wasn't as lacking as you had indicated in an eariler reply to me, but it has still clearly improved. As of yet, Dark Moonlight is the apex of your work. That's the thing that has me most psyched for The Poisoned Island; you seem to continually make each work more impressive. Keep it up.

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#77 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Feb 15 2012 - 11:05 AM

Ha ha ha, I never really assumed I was better than Christie, I just didn't really realize what you were saying. :PThe Poisoned Island should be good, yes, although it will definitely have less plot twists than Dark Moonlight, not being a mystery story as such. Look out, rather, for a heavy "elemental" theme of poison, corruption, and mutation, some intriguing new characters, and a very frightening Makuta...
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"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox
 
Avatar: Nicrophorus americanus, the endangered American burying beetle

#78 Offline -Toa Lhikevikk-

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Posted Feb 22 2012 - 06:12 PM

You're doing a good job of establishing a sinister atmosphere for the episode. Droth and his obligatory minion seem like they will be excellent villains. It seems like you've gotten into the habit of leaving words like Visorak, Hordika, Skakdi, etc. uncapitalized, which bugs me a bit, but it's no big deal. (Also, the word "tobduk" is Matoran, not Skakdi. Just nitpicking. :P)
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#79 Offline Grant-Sud

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Posted Feb 22 2012 - 08:35 PM

So I've seen reviews and updates of the Makuta Hunt series many many times. I hadn't really understood how you did the stories, until reading your review topic. It was easy for me to get into the first series and I've read it fully. Congrats man cause I want to get into episode 2 asap. ^_^It's great writing and some good detail. Also a pretty interesting story, using the assassin to kill the numerous beings who know of artakha's location. I felt like the tale was darker in structure right from the start when Tobduk killed his own member.I did see a few things that were a little awkward such as Tobduk himself. In the first few chapters he seemed too violent... well, no not too violent it's just he contradicted himself by calling the Makuta sadistic and greedy when... he obviously shows a thrill of killing himself lol However by chapter 4 he seemed a little weaker, not as confident against stronger enemies. That's a sign of character progression and I have feeling that grows as the series goes on.Anyway besides that nice work and I'll be sure to check out the second part soon. :)
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#80 Offline Solomon Kane

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Posted Feb 22 2012 - 10:25 PM

You've established the overall atmosphere of this episode well; the entire chapter has a harsh, bleak, menacing feel to it. The glimpse of our antagonists was particularly effective at this, and gives the distinct feeling that Tobduk may be in a wee bit over his head...regardless, I can't wait to see where this is going!"But as long as I'm here, I get to bust heads!"
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