Lego Hero Factory Mission Report Top Secret….mission X. Review

[Hexann]

You can you can tell what you think of LEGO HERO FACTORY MISSION REPORT TOP SECRET….MISSION X. here. PIRAKA FOREVER!!!!!

Edited January 31, 2012 by TOA PIRAKA HAKANN

[Grantaire]

Honestly, after reading this I came to the conclusion that this story needs a lot of work. It has a decent, albeit very much used foundational theme of the hero who is somehow more powerful for whatever reason (In this case, it’s because he’s a 1.5 robot). However, it fails to execute this foundation well in many ways:First, on grammar. I cannot point out specifics—that would take several posts—but overall the grammar needs a lot of redoing; not only lack of punctuation, but also sentence structure and bad phrasing. Next, length. IMO, you could easily expand what you have here a lot; as it is, the chapters are very brief, too much so. Tell us some more backstory, give some character thoughts, stuff like that greatly improves a story in length and quality. As it is, all this could be merged into a single chapter easily.The plot. I am not very taken with this; okay, so this much more powerful hero is made… But how is he more powerful? The (very little) descriptions of him and his weaponry don’t sound very outstanding, nor do his tactics; any Hero could have at the least held his own against that sim. The training part was short and confusing; why is he thrown into that, who are the other heroes fighting? You could have made training several chapters, drawing out how X is more powerful than most heroes, and then throw this boss in at the end, after there’s enough buildup. Maybe even have X volunteer to fight it. But as it is, the fighting and the story need quite a bit of work. Come to think of it, confusing and oversudden describes most action in the story.And, characters. I’m finicky about characters; they have to be imaginable at the least, and preferably they have to be unique. I’m sorry, but I could not see your heroes, at all. You could, and should, have focused on characters more, and made them even 2D; as they are, you show them so little that I would call them 1D, if such a thing is possible.Expand the plot, build up the characters more, and focus a lot on grammar, and you could have a quite good story going here. As it is, I’m not too pleased with this story.