Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Welcome to BZPower!

Hi there, while we hope you enjoy browsing through the site, there's a lot more you can do if you register. The process is easy and you can use your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account to make it even faster. Some perks of joining include:
  • Create your own topics, participate in existing discussions, and vote in polls
  • Show off your creations, stories, art, music, and movies and play member and staff-run games
  • Enter contests to win free LEGO sets and other prizes, and vote to decide the winners
  • Participate in raffles, including exclusive raffles for new members, and win free LEGO sets
  • Send private messages to other members
  • Organize with other members to attend or send your MOCs to LEGO fan events all over the world
  • Much, much more!
Enjoy your visit!

Posted Image


Photo

Bionicle: Learning Our Past Review Topic

review bionicle future

  • Please log in to reply
2 replies to this topic

#1 Offline The Manga Maniac Named Zac

The Manga Maniac Named Zac
  • Members
  • Flying Force!

  • 11-April 11
  • 2,381 posts
  •  

Posted Feb 01 2012 - 03:01 PM

Like the title says, need I say more? Please no negative reviews, if you see something wrong, don't just splat it out saying its terrible please.Link to story:http://www.bzpower.c...l=&fromsearch=1
  • 0

"Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become,"-C.S. Lewis

 

I create manga. Yeah. Anyway have some links to my stuff on the site:

 

MangaManiac Stuff:

//BIONICLE Manga Concept\\

((THIS WILL BE EDITIED))

 


#2 Offline Cederak

Cederak
  • Outstanding BZPower Citizens
  • Axiomatic

  • 17-September 05
  • 4,147 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Feb 04 2012 - 12:11 PM

Hello again, Alt. D, here is your official ECC review. As fate would have it, the ECC rotation put me in charge of reviewing another one of your epics. Funny how that works, huh? Anyway, I've been away from home for a few days, which is why it took me longer than usual to review this for you. So without any further delays, let's get to it.A couple things to start. First, you split a single chapter into three posts. You know you can just edit the first post if you want to add extra writing, right? Second, looking at the multitude of little errors I came across, I'm going to assume you still don't have MS Word or something of the sort. If you don't want to drop the money on it, I highly recommend you proofread your work very, very carefully.Regarding the actual chapter, I'm getting a lot of telling, not much showing. This feels suspiciously like a prologue more than anything, almost like the first chapter hasn't really begun. If done right, your three posts of exposition could become their own story. Something to think about. Getting back to the point, you've created a large playing field for your "Gunsmiths" to roam and play in, and that's a good thing. Nothing worse than a writer feeling boxed in with their work.Because only a few months have passed since I last reviewed a piece of your work, I find myself being drawn to say a lot of the things I brought up about Mass Destruction, in terms of your writing abilities and where you need improvement. But of course, I'm not here to reiterate. If you're curious, follow this link to have a glance at what I told you. Unfortunately, there isn't enough in this new epic yet to properly judge if you are improving. The ECC doesn't receive many requests, and we would be more than happy to review this again when you have more written.For the time being, reread your work (aloud if you have to) to catch those little issues. I also recommend reading other works, both here on the forums and in libraries. Like a musician, a writer can learn a great deal from the work of others. Good luck, Alt. D.-Ced
  • 0

#3 Offline The Manga Maniac Named Zac

The Manga Maniac Named Zac
  • Members
  • Flying Force!

  • 11-April 11
  • 2,381 posts
  •  

Posted Feb 04 2012 - 02:41 PM

Hello again, Alt. D, here is your official ECC review. As fate would have it, the ECC rotation put me in charge of reviewing another one of your epics. Funny how that works, huh? Anyway, I've been away from home for a few days, which is why it took me longer than usual to review this for you. So without any further delays, let's get to it.A couple things to start. First, you split a single chapter into three posts. You know you can just edit the first post if you want to add extra writing, right? Second, looking at the multitude of little errors I came across, I'm going to assume you still don't have MS Word or something of the sort. If you don't want to drop the money on it, I highly recommend you proofread your work very, very carefully.Regarding the actual chapter, I'm getting a lot of telling, not much showing. This feels suspiciously like a prologue more than anything, almost like the first chapter hasn't really begun. If done right, your three posts of exposition could become their own story. Something to think about. Getting back to the point, you've created a large playing field for your "Gunsmiths" to roam and play in, and that's a good thing. Nothing worse than a writer feeling boxed in with their work.Because only a few months have passed since I last reviewed a piece of your work, I find myself being drawn to say a lot of the things I brought up about Mass Destruction, in terms of your writing abilities and where you need improvement. But of course, I'm not here to reiterate. If you're curious, follow this link to have a glance at what I told you. Unfortunately, there isn't enough in this new epic yet to properly judge if you are improving. The ECC doesn't receive many requests, and we would be more than happy to review this again when you have more written.For the time being, reread your work (aloud if you have to) to catch those little issues. I also recommend reading other works, both here on the forums and in libraries. Like a musician, a writer can learn a great deal from the work of others. Good luck, Alt. D.-Ced

Thanks. The reasonI don't use Microsoft word is cause this is either written on my mac or iPhone 4S. But thanks for the tip and I have just made the changes. I'll ask if you can review it again once I get a few more chapters in. Also Mass Destruction is erased( figuratively speaking) and the other fanfics I made are obsolete now since Learning our Past is the new story.

  • 0

"Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become,"-C.S. Lewis

 

I create manga. Yeah. Anyway have some links to my stuff on the site:

 

MangaManiac Stuff:

//BIONICLE Manga Concept\\

((THIS WILL BE EDITIED))

 





0 user(s) are browsing this forum

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users