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I'll Show Them

Tridax Takanuva

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5 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Al the Chicken Man

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Posted Feb 04 2012 - 10:41 PM

Makuta Tridax, Makuta of Nynrah, stood by a table that extended across his laboratory. Laying before him was a tank half-empty with glowing green liquid. Tiny green larvae of what appeared to be a halfbreed Nui-Jaga and Tarakava swam around. He wasn't always the scientist of the Nynrah area. He used to be...important. Tridax was a name known across the Brotherhood- rightfully respected. He was the one who had done the real work on the most useful experiment, the Shadow Leeches. He was the one who'd found the amazing Olmak and realized its potential. And what had they done? They wouldn't let him go to Karda Nui. They hadn't put him in a place of power. They'd shoved him in a place so pathetic its inhabitants we're referred to as "ghosts."He stared at the Olmak which sat behind glass across from him. Its empty eye sockets. Small scratches on the sides from where he'd pried it from a Toa's head. It called to him. It spoke his name.They'd tossed him to the side. Thrown him away like a piece of trash. Did they not deserve his wrath? He'd sided with Teridax because he wanted change. He wanted power. That was why he'd rushed to the side of the Makuta of Metru Nui.Before he knew what he was doing, the glass was broken. His mask was being replaced by the Olmak. Power surged through him. Oh...the things he could do!Should he bring in an army? Should he drop Teridax in a volcano? Maybe he should call a meeting and announce his superiority by killing off  any Makuta who'd insulted him. No, he had to be more subtle than that. He would show them what he could do. He'd create an army of the most powerful warriors known to Makuta. Someone who had bested Teridax himself. Takanuva. He'd create an army of alternate Takanuvas. He was entirely able to do it. He'd show them.Tridax activated his mask, and the world around him warped. The first thing he felt was mud in his boots. The next thing was someone soaring overhead. Before he registered it, the back of his head had contact with the mud. There was an orange blur heading towards two other beings. A blue Toa and a tall, white and grey one. More of a gunmetal, actually.He heard bits of their conversation, and the word Takanuva. It didn't take his genius mind to figure out the situation. A portal opened up under the tall Toa, and he tumbled into it. Tridax was soon in after him. He crashed into glass, and he realized it was the larvae. Rolling off the table with a groan, he watched as the alternate reality Takanuva stood. The Toa looked angry. In his hand he clutched Tridax's own acid-tipped staff. Tridax unleashed one of his many powers on him, and the staff was magnetized away. Tridax immediately slung one of the larvae towards his captive. It had contact with his left arm. As the Toa dropped to the ground, failing to tear it off, Tridax smiled cruelly. A scream escaped the Toa's lips, in pure agony. This larvae was...more painful than the average shadow leech. Especially to a Toa of light. He knew even now that this would be a lot of work. But it was worth it. He would prove himself.He would show them. -----------------Shorter than I wanted. /:Please, comment.

Edited by Shadow Guardian, Feb 06 2012 - 09:27 AM.

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#2 Offline Toa Smoke Monster

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Posted Feb 05 2012 - 01:32 PM

Interesting story. I like how you gave Tridax's background information. It was short, but that isn't a complaint because it gave plenty of information as to why Tridax was angry with Teridax. Having Tridax appear in Karda Nui and take the Takanuva from there was a neat twist too IMO. I was expecting the Makuta to take the Toa from Mata Nui or Metru Nui.I did find a couple spelling mistakes, and they are:

He stated at the Olmak which sat behind glass across from him.

I think you meant to say 'stared'.

His held clutched Tridax's own acid-tipped staff.

Should be 'hand'.Anyway, this is a good story and I enjoyed it.

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#3 Offline Al the Chicken Man

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Posted Feb 06 2012 - 09:26 AM

Thanks! I write sort of like I RP.Ah, I see. I'll fix those.
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#4 Offline fishers64

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Posted Feb 06 2012 - 11:19 PM

Shorter than you wanted, but nonetheless brilliant for the fact that it is short. It's a rather good look at an ignored character and further insight into his development. Also, it's not a stretch to take the alt. Takanuva from Karda Nui, seeing as any number of alternate Takanuvas would have ended up there at the time Tridax was extracting them. You didn't tell us why Tridax eventually put the shadow Taka in stasis, which is kind of weird. Tridax's big surprise? Other than that, can't find any errors. This story is great, keep up the good work.
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#5 Offline Al the Chicken Man

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Posted Feb 09 2012 - 06:17 PM

Thanks! Tridax always seemed interesting to me.To be honest, I didn't really think about that.
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Posted Mar 10 2012 - 11:54 AM

Tridax got no love. :/Good story. Nothing wrong with it being short at all, because for the size, you gave it a lot of background information and a lot of insight into Tridax's emotions. As someone up there said, the twist with the main universe Takanuva was a good one, too, so props for thinking outside the box on that one.

They'd shoved him in a place so pathetic its inhabitants we're referred to as "ghosts."

That should be were. Pretty much the only error I found that someone else hadn't pointed out.All in all, kudos for fleshing out an underloved character in a creative, interesting way.-Teezy

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