Edited by Legolover-361, Oct 15 2011 - 03:53 PM.
Posted Oct 13 2011 - 09:36 PM
Posted Oct 15 2011 - 01:06 PM
Dynamics - my new epic. Chapter 1 up. "I am sorry for that, though I have never heard a smell called rude."
Posted Oct 15 2011 - 03:33 PM
Posted Oct 15 2011 - 03:57 PM
Ha, yeah, this is one of my longer short stories, if not my longest, period. Thanks!
That's one very long short story, but very enjoyable. I'm glad I found the time to read the whole thing. The descriptions of the scenery were great. I really liked the humorous banter between Jovan and Lesovikk. So Toa like. Great story.
Thanks for pointing out the typo; for some reason I can't spot the little buggers on Microsoft Word until it's too late. As to the filter, it also removed a perfectly innocent instance of the "j-word", as in, "Jovan nodded, a couple quick [j-word]s of his head" -- but I fixed that right after posting.I'm glad you think it's good enough to be canon; hopefully the judges / voters / whoever will decide on the entries will think the same.
Grammar Nazism first: There's a point where Jovan says "Not to we'll be fighting to the death, of course." I think you meant to put "Not that we'll be fighting to the death, of course." Also, there's a scene where Lesovikk cries that Jovan isn't fighting fair, which was filtered into "it is fair and just." Might want to reword that. With that out of the way, it's a nice, self-contained story about Lesovikk improving his skills, and we get to see Jovan - that makes it definitely worth canonizing in my book. Hats off to you, Legolover.
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