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The Beginning - Review

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#1 Offline jimmybob83

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  • 19-January 12
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Posted Feb 08 2012 - 11:36 PM

Review topic for: The Beginning.Found here http://www.bzpower.c...?showtopic=3311.

Edited by jimmybob83, Feb 09 2012 - 01:25 AM.

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#2 Offline Cederak

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Posted Dec 27 2012 - 05:09 PM

[color=#000080;][font="verdana, geneva, sans-serif;"]Charity review time! After taking roughly a month off, getting back into the swing with such a small piece was no great challenge. And with only two errors, well…I'm impressed.[/color][/font]



[color=#000000;][font="verdana, geneva, sans-serif;"]

He starred at the Suva,



[color=#000000;][font="verdana, geneva, sans-serif;"]stared at[/color][/font]


[color=#000000;][font="verdana, geneva, sans-serif;"]

His thoughts were cut short when their query calmly raised its arm over its head



[color=#000000;][font="verdana, geneva, sans-serif;"]their quarry[/color][/font]



[color=#000080;][font="verdana, geneva, sans-serif;"]This is another epic I've encountered among some other recent ones that really wants to return to the roots of the Bionicle mythos. There is certainly a market for nostalgia and this hearkened back to Hapka's writing and the other media available at the time. My problem with stories like this is when you color in the lines a little too much. Well-versed canon fans know the 2001 story back and forth, so if your intention was to sharpen your writing chops, well done. If your intention was to explore something in a way I've never seen before…not so well done.[/color][/font]


[color=#000080;][font="verdana, geneva, sans-serif;"]All of the source material you wished to include in this epic gives a fine explanation of what happened during the beginning of 2001. So much so, in fact, that I remain very curious whether this epic was finished or not. I don't encounter epics so short too often, but the way your first chapter ends, it could either serve as an interlude to the rest of the 2001 story, or you might've actually been planning to cover more of that. The big point here is that the events have been hashed and rehashed so many times through the canon, throughout this library, and throughout other fanfiction websites that there's nothing that really impressed me about this story. True, you only had a couple grammatical errors, but there was no "stand out" moments that made this epic feel compelling.[/color][/font]


[color=#000080;][font="verdana, geneva, sans-serif;"]If nothing else, I enjoyed your description of scenery. So yeah, you can come in here and justify your epic with not being an experienced author, and how you were simply in a writing mood, but bear in mind that people are going to read your work. Whether you ever hear a single word about it, people are reading your work. And looking at your review topic, a response wasn't worth their time. But what does someone say about a story like this? What do you say when it feels like you've dropped homage for ripping off the story of a few well-known comics and the work of C.A. Hapka? It's not outright plagiarism, no, but it's close enough to make this feel unimaginative.[/color][/font]


[color=#000080;][font="verdana, geneva, sans-serif;"]Here's the deal. You're a fan of Bionicle, so am I. The fact that you wrote this all the way in 2012, with the storyline already long concluded, tells me that you probably have some respect for the ancient days of 2001 and the Toa's arrival on Mata Nui. That said, we don't need another C.A. Hapka or Greg Farshtey to run through our favorite pieces of the early storyline. We already have those books. We need original, thoughtful, creative tales that take the universe we know and love to places we can only dream of. Bionicle is a vast and mysterious mythos and I think you sold yourself short taking this route. Obviously, it's been several months since you wrote this, but if you should happen to read this review, please take what I've said into consideration. My first job is to inspire writers to write more and give the best of their abilities. Good luck.[/color][/font]


[color=#000080;][font="verdana, geneva, sans-serif;"]-Ced[/color][/font]

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