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Bzpstuck - The Comic


InnerRayg

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[brian]: Inspect Conspicuous Pile of Brightly Coloured Plastics.0270.gifYour models are now in shambles. So much work gone to pot. You shed a single tear for the ghosts of the architects that surely mourn your loss. You suppose it is for the best.[brian]::::0271.gifAfter all, you're going to have difficulty typing on your TV without a keyboard.[brian]::::0272.gifI guess you could sit at your computer, but this doodad is more fun.[brian]::::0273b.gifNo sense in squandering your investments to do the utterly pedestrian when you can lavish yourself in quaint eccentricities, right?[brian]: Get Aggravated0274.gif

PI: hey PI: hey brian PI: is this you PI: http://whoisray.me/s...anisthisyou.gifTD: I am going to be honest with you that is the utmost perfect depiction of my person TD: You have absolutely no idea how flawlessly this encapsulates my visage PI: good PI: i worked extra hard on itPI: just for you TD: That kitten is just rocking his little heart out PI: i think it represents andrew's inner essence PI: or it's his spirit guide TD: Im going to save this in a specially marked folder called awesome stuff pi makes PI: awesome!! PI: keep it forever. it'll be worth like, hundreds of thousands of looneys and/or dollars someday i bet TD: That is definitely something that is going to happen possibly maybe PI: sweetnessPI: anyways PI: are you excited for the game launch? PI: mr butyraceous torcula keeps going on about it TD: Game launch what game launch oh man oh no TD: Oh yeahTD: I am not ready for the game launch but i know i will be TD: Im sorry you know how things are it just slipped my mind my calendar isnt even on the right month TD: You must be as excited as i am at this point anything new on the horizons that i should know about PI: ummmmmmmm PI: i am so excited!!! PI: everyone gets to finally meet for realsies! PI: and it will be awesome oh man oh man TD: One could even say youre dreaming of it right PI: peeeeeerhaps TD: Hahaha anyone else excited about it yet i haven't talked to anyone other than you PI: i'm not sure. i keep pestering people, but they always seem to be busy PI: you're the first person in a while to message me back game-wise TD: Hmm okay well how about this you keep working on gp wa and cp and ill hound gg ir and mm PI: sweet deal PI: also PI: dudePI: be careful PI: some weird stuff is going down here PI: ok TD: Dont worry you could even say im on the case PI: putting your sleuthing prowess to work? TD: As soon as i figure out where my mysteries notebook is im putting this as top priority PI: aw man PI: super sleuth brian lawson cracking cases like a baker cracking eggs for a top-notch super sleuth souffle TD: Your top priority is making that into one of your sweet images TD: When you have more time of course TD: Im going to bother ray now talk to you soon PI: will do PI: bye!technicalDropout (TD) ceased aggravating passiveInfiltrator (PI)

[brian]: Aggrevate irritableRevenant0276.gifYou proceed to have this entire conversation, but from your perspective.[brian]: Investigate to See if Anything Else is Hidden Under Your Floor0275.gifYou decide arbitrarily to hold off on talking to the other guy for a bit. Instead, you decide to take in recent events that still leave you puzzled. You give that floor a good groping, but no use! It is still as flawless and pristine as you thought it was before that pad appeared. What sort of magic mojo is afoot? You remain baffled.[brian]: Investigate the Other Rooms0277.gifYou give the curtain a shove, but it doesn't budge an inch! You knew this day would come, though if you actually used your calender properly you would have actually known this day was coming. Though it is curious the scheduled lockdown was set to happenthe same day as the game's launch. No sense fretting it now. For the time being, you're at home, stuck in this room.[brian]: Give Your Teddy Bear a Great Hug0278.gifYou think that shiving yourself in this situation is a little melodramatic. Stop being a baby.[brian]: Indulge Yourself In The Awesomeness that is Battlestar Galactica0279.gifYou forget what it was you were doing and open your media player and mash go on the first episode that comes up. It's the one where everyone is secretly a Cylon, and the hilarity ensues when the finger-pointing begins. Talk about Cyfonze jumping the Cyshark. You can't understand what everyone sees in this show.[brian]::::0280.gifYou get about 10 seconds in before you are rudely interrupted. You were hoping to put this conversation off a little longer. Something about trying to entice a guy who avidly rejects video games to play one just does not bode well, conversationally. It is not going to be an easy sell! But he beat you to the punch. He must have something important and crucial to ask you! What's this guy's deal!![brian]::::0281.gif

glamGuitarist began pestering technicalDropoutGG: HEY BROGG: brobrobroGG: broman polanksiGG: broman empireGG: brokeback mountainTD: Greetings, my bromide solutionTD: What words do you bring merrily?GG: wellGG: if suggestions of great weight cause tremors, i'm about to rock the broatGG: I think.................................we should form a bandGG: bro band. brand.GG: (bro)TD: Haha whatTD: Didnt we already do thatTD: Something like the Degenertones or something like thatTD: Or was that even meGG: You're thinking of that time CP wanted to form a punk bandGG: oh no waitGG: that was meGG: and I asked her to join and she said noGG: ...GG: this is like the eighth time i've tried this, isn't it?TD: Okay well sure lets form another band that sounds like a totally awesome thing to do that will totally happen and not be a complete waste of time i guessTD: I will play the nothing as per usualGG: I thought you had a keyboardTD: Well yeah i do but i cant really use it since its more for just laying down some sick beats when i feel like itTD: (which is never)GG: um, so, lay down sick beats for the band, manGG: and i mean you can learn to play itGG: do you think my housemate knew how to play bass when we formed the Predacons? did that stop him?GG: did the factt hat she knew nothing about music stop paul mccartney from making his wife the keyboardist in Wings?GG: basically i'm asking you hereGG: be my wifeTD: Sorry man im just not into you like thatTD: (musically)TD: But im totally down for listening to what you got to demoTD: I just put in some new stuff that will really make the people next door crazyTD: IfTD: There were people next doorTD: (which there is not)GG: you're breaking my heart manGG: uhGG: what have i got that i feel comfortable sendingGG: uhhGG: OH well i did record this cover todayGG: you might like itGG: i still need to fix up the drums on all my original stuffGG: (am I being to perfectionist?)GG: (am I terrible)GG: (will i never finish)TD: Haha no worries i just want to test the parameters of this equipmentTD: Which reminds me you havent forgotten have you**GG is trying to send TD thatthing.mp3**GG: uh...forgotten?TD: SIIIIIIIIGHGG: i haven't forgotten....my dedication to THE BANDGG: by which i mean the band, because "the weight" is perfectGG: but also our new bandGG: brandTD: Why yes our bandTD: Our band of exactly eight membersGG: !!!!GG: waitGG: whatGG: are we gonna be a prog-rock outfitGG: is that what you're suggesting hereGG: are we gonna have three guitarists and two keyboardistsGG: ar eyou going ot BECOME rick wakeman?GG: am i robert fripp now?GG: who's gonna be roger waters?GG: should we name ourselves after a continent, like Asia?GG: could we be Antarctica?TD: Hush your pretentious prattling you goofTD: For the gameGG: that'sGG: that's not a prog-rock albumGG: i mean, queen's earlier stuff isGG: but that's just pop rockTD: The game that we are about to playGG: ...TD: The one that might possibly save our livesTD: PossiblyTD: MaybeGG: ???TD: The one ID is getting us to playTD: The one from legoTD: Stop doing that silly thing where you forget about stuff like thisGG: OHGG: ohGG: oh ######GG: i told ray i was going to get that, didn't iGG: and then I kind of GG: forgotGG: on purposeTD: Andrew please you have to playTD: Our success depends on itTD: I thinkTD: (possibly)GG: :|GG: manGG: manGG: man...TD: WhatGG: look, dude, I justGG: okay I'm going to confess somethingGG: it's a secretGG: so don't go telling everybody like i know you want toTD: I am mr zipperlipsTD: zzzzzzzzzzipGG: broGG: i really, really blow at video gamesGG: [THE FOLLOW LINE WAS REMOVED FOR INDECENY :) :) :) :) :) ]GG: i just don't think i'm going ot be able to handle this thing :/TD: Can i let you in on a secretTD: A real one and not like the pretend one you did just now that is a secret to absolutely no oneGG: you mean this is an open secret too?GG: first everyone finds out about all the stuff i did backstage in college, now this?GG: goddddTD: Please everyone knows about you and your hipster ironic charm but this is importantGG: ignoring that commentGG: important?TD: I think it just might beTD: See from what i have gathered each participant will bring to the game their greatest weaknessesTD: But also their strengthsGG: i'm not sure how my raw sexual magnetism can help in a video gameTD: You would be surprised at what things will affect this gameTD: But one thing to remember is while you will be challenged greatly on the road aheadTD: Your part in all of this is very important to our success as a wholeTD: Oh wait hang onTD: I just finished downloading your demoTD: I am just going to put this onGG: what

Edited by Makaru

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  • 1 month later...

[brian]: Consult Dream Brain0301.gifYou cannot consult Dream Brain because he does not exist in this realm! Despite that glaringly obvious fact you swear you can still hear his nasally thoughtvoice babystepping you every single step of the way. Welcome to Stardex, DREAM MANIFESTATION OF BRIAN! This mighty city holds many secrets to find, and friends to meet! GEEZE. Thanks for the exposition imaginary dream brain! It's not like you haven't woken up here whenever you've gone to sleep for...well, a long time! Next he'd go into some rambling tour of the devices in the room you awoke in, the identity of the floating bodies behind you, and the entire purpose of the facility itself. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Who needs that kind of information. You've solved all these mysteries YEARS ago!Or at least, you believe you have.[brian]: Look Out!0302.gifDon't be ridiculous. These tiny lego men are not very talkative, and you certainly have nothing to fear from them. You're as safe as a young child playing with an uplugged toaster oven and a teddy bear.[brian]: AHHH!!0303.gifAHHH![brian]: Do An Acrobatic Pirouette0304.gifDubious! Even if you were capable of such a maneuver, you would have to be in STRIFE!!! mode to accomplish such a feat.It's just this guy. He gave you a little startle there, but that's sort of his style. You've never met a smoother gentleman. At least, you assume he's a man, but you've never really had the gumption to ask. You have to admit, despite his somewhat fearsome appearance you've come to really appreciate and even, perhaps, admire this clear example of a nobleman before you. His sense of style, his casual yet imposing stature...As a fellow being of incredible height, you have real respect for one who has so effortlessly shouldered the burden.Not to say you've let down your guard entirely.Just mostly.

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[brian]: Kiss the Gentleman

0305.gifWhat's that? What about kissing a gentleman? You're sorry, you thought you were in mortal peril here or something. You'll stop all the presses and get right on this dude kissing right away!Or you would if that wasn't the most ridiculous idea you've heard yet. It's way past time to get this here boat on the road. Your dicking around quotient has filled itself completely. No more distractions. You're installing this game and hopefully saving your home.[Ray]: Check BRO's room0306.gif0307.gifOkay. One last distraction. It's sort of terrifying to think about actually entering the horror show that is your LIL BRO's nest, but your responsibility as an elder sibling means you kind of have to let him know when you're both on the precipice of death itself. Deep breaths Adams, you can do this.And a one, and a two...[Ray]: AHHH!!0308.gifYou stereotypically freak out at the various robotic animal horrors that dwell within, and and then calm down because seriously we've had enough freaking out for the day. Sadly, he is not in his room right now! Just his normal assortment of horrorbots and terrordroids, as well as a lot of half built chassis and a seemingly infinite supply of compressed air, oil, and gasoline needed to fuel these wildly inefficient beasts. Now that you think about it, it could be an explosively bad idea to let the fire reach his room.[Ray]: Inspect Chess Set0309.gifFrom the corner of your eye, you notice that a piece has been moved on the chessboard. That can only mean he's hiding around here somewhere; the game has begun, and it turns out you were playing before you even knew it.[Ray]: Move Pawn0310.gifKnight to F6. Eat your heart out Bobby Fischer.[Ray]::::0311.gifOh. Crud.[Ray]::::0312.gif[Ray]::::0313.gifIt's Fridgebot. He's back for revenge.[Ray]: Be completely terrified0314.gifYou are completely terrified.[Ray]::::0315.gifWHOOPS!!

Edited by Hans Zimmer

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Latest Update: STORM AND SAND

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[Ray]::::

0316.gif[Ray]::::0317.gif[Ray]::::0318.gif[Ray]::::0319.gif[Ray]::::0320.gif[Ray]::::0321.gif[Ray]::::0322.gifThat's not Fridgebot.[Ray]::::0323.gifThat's your LIL BRO.[Ray]::::0324.gif

[Ray]: STRIFE!!!!

0325.gifOrdinarily? Yes. Such disregard for your personal property, prompted as it was by similar disregard on your part, is still just begging for some comeuppance. You're gonna have to pass on round two this time though.Annoying as he is, even your bro is willing to forgo SIBLING RIVALRY when it comes to threats to his mortality.[Ray]: Flip out.0326.gif0327.gifYep. That was definitely worthy of congratulations. You're really steaming ahead here, you think. You'll be getting the coveted "Successfully dented in his own head with his palm" award any day now at this rate![Ray]: Give Up.0328.gifGive up? You're not going to give up...you're just going to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what you could have done to stop this whole situation from spiraling out of control. You thought this game was going to be your only hope. If only you could find a way to change this. You could have taken on your bro's stupid robot if you hadn't frozen up like that. So many regrets, but there's nothing you can do now. You'll have to teach him a lesson later, but for now you let him slink off into his room to save some of his more precious terrizoids. You'll need to get out of here, right after you let know Andrew what the situation is.

IrritableRevenant (IR) began aggravating glamGuitarist (GG) at 12:30 PM CSTIR: Well it was nice knowing you manGG: whatIR: Sorry, dunno if you got the memo, but it turns out I'm about to die in a house fireIR: mostly because I listened to Buttlop TurtlefaceIR: stupid good for nothing friendGG: cool, i'm sure you're not at all exaggerating in the slightest so I'll just whip out my red fire trust, grab my hose, and spray foam all over you to cool those firesGG: that's what you want right okay cool great be there in two daysGG: tuck*GG: truck*GG: #######IR: Yeah, I'm probably overexaggerating. technically I could just knock out a window or something and just watch my house burn down I guessIR: So phew! False alarm. Sorry for bugging you! I'll talk to you again if the homeless shelter I'll be moving to soon has wifiIR: Hopefully they don't knock the phone out of my hand everytime I say "please sir, may I have some more bandwidth?"GG: ray bro, look, first off, dickens is overratedGG: second i'm sorry i'm kind of cranky right now but i guess i'm just not in the mood for our usual reparteeGG: could you justGG: leave me alone for a bitGG: i mean it would be cool if anyone could maybe do that sometimesGG: maybe nowGG: maybe for just a bitIR: Did your roomie attack you or something?IR: are you okay?GG: things haven't been 'okay' between him and me since that last show a year ago and right now I really don't want to talk about itIR: Hey man I'm sorry for coming off harsh. I didn't mean to be all yankin on ya chain or nothin.IR: But like, that fire thing? It's not really a jokeIR: There is a fire, and I tried to call emergency services but Big Tripps stopped me. He told me to play this stupid game and it would save my house. Like a dingus, I believed himIR: Except now the game CD is broken and I'm basically not really sure what to doGG: waitGG: whatIR: I'm just getting what's coming to me for believing in people I guessIR: I should have known betterIR: sorry for trying to force you to play itGG: whaGG: dude what in the ####GG: okay look, look, I don't care what Brokeback Turnstyle said, you need to call 911 and if you won't I willGG: mother ###### crud pound goat burger let me look up the flying #### toadlicking area code for the fire department near youIR: Dude, I live like a hundred miles from anything resembling civilizationIR: The place'll be to the ground before anyone gets hereGG: jesus noodle why don't you all listen to me when I tell you guys to move to the east coast where real civilization is ugh look i usually am joking when i say this but seriously??GG: godGG: and now MM left andGG: ughGG: she's even further out than you areGG: what if something happens to her out there??IR: Didn't she move to Idaho or something?GG: yeahGG: middle of freaking nowhereGG: itGG: was kind of m faultGG: my*IR: Hey it's not all bad, I do enjoy not hearing the sound of my neighbor's toilet enjoying its two in the morning meal day in and day outGG: that's because you're afraid of human intimacyGG: obviouslyIR: Wow this really is my lowest point isn't it. I've completely jumped into that all knowing terror, that of toilet humorGG: dude what okay lookGG: i'd love to push this turd of a conversation out more but seriously guy you need to scatGG: grab your bro and get out of the house; why are you sticking around!IR: I dunno. Part of me still kind of wishes I could have tried to the game. He seemed so sure about the thing.GG: look i've got the discs right here, I can launch the thingGG: if bulltop's so hepped on this gameGG: i can put one of them in and get it runningGG: you just save yourself!!!!!!!GG: grab your bro and get out of the house; why are you sticking around!IR: Wait wait hold onIR: discs?IR: Hold on. I'm gonna check something.

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[Ray]: Inspect Package

0329.gifUpon further investigation, the box contains one (1) BROKEN DISK, one (1) UNHARMED DISK, and one (1) INSTRUCTION MANUAL. [Ray]: Inspect Manual0330.gif0331.gifPhew! Thank goodness this page is here. You could never have handled assembling this incredibly complex video game without these warnings telling you not to deposit your pieces in a fuzzy snowbank.[Ray]::::0332.gifWell, this seems preeeeeeeetty complicated, but if you're parsing this correctly you might only need the first disk to start playing![Ray]::::0333.gifMan this thing has a ton of pages! This sure is going to get complicated fast!

Edited by Hans Zimmer

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Latest Update: STORM AND SAND

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[Ray]: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!? INSERT DISC, INSERT COIN, PRESS START!

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No...no. Not right now.

[ANDREW] ::::

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Not right now.

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Again it comes to this. Again, violence is the only resolution the two of you can find to any conflict. You'd call yourself fortunate you were able to calm him down with the Grey Goose, but you still broke out those strings. You still made those lashes. No amount of vodka can dilute that.

And sure, there was no real danger. As rough as things have been between you and your room-mate ever since that last show, it's not like you were going to really kill or maim each other. And sure, it was in self-defense; that's oh-so-justified. Sure, sure, sure.

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A million qualifiers and a million justifications can all be shuttled about but they all ultimately crash. You believe in peace. You believe in nonviolence. But it's hard to really, fully commit to that, isn't it?

It's hard to hang onto those lofty principles in the heart of the moment, isn't it? It's hard to stay calm when you're angry. It's hard not to get angry when you're in danger - or, even moreso when the people you love are in in danger.

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It's hard to find a solution.

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It's all so hard to swallow.

[ANDREW] ANSWER PHONE

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Must you?

Of course you must. You always acquiesce to your friends. You proceed to have that

last conversation with Ray that you just read.

bring back "an cool dude"

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[ANDREW] Grab those discs while you wait for Ray to get back

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Hngh. The things you'll do for your friends.

Guess there's no turning back now. But you'll gladly waste your time fumbling with this business if it means you can convince Ray to actually leave his burning house. Having a friend in danger is not on your list of "acceptable things" and quite frankly it's absurd that the guy is thinking of anything other than getting the #### out. Maybe the smoke inhalation is touching his noggin. You'll see if you can find the number for an area rescue team and get them heading out for him.

Hold that thought - your phone beeps. Looks like Ray's IMing again.

[ANDREW] Answer Ray

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IR: Install the one with the gear on it.GG: Why? What's the difference?IR: Each playing pair uses one of the disks. IR: The one with the gear is called the "server"IR: The one with the block is the "client".IR: Don't ask me how I figured those names out from pictographs.GG: What in the ####GG: Look, hang on a moment

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It's becoming increasingly apparent that there is absolutely no way you are going to understand any of this.

[ANDREW] Get back to the conversation

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GG: Okay, continueIR: well, since my server looks like it just came out of the microwave, looks like you get to be the one pulling the strings today.GG: wonderful. what do I do.IR: captchalogue the discs and go install the sever disc on your computerGG: Roger. Play the game, play the game, everybody play the gaaaaaaaame...

[ANDREW] Give your room-mate a pillow before proceeding to your room

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After what you've done, it wouldn't be right to just leave him here. You find something to make him more comfortable. Or at least more cultured.

Edited by Gustav Mahler
bring back "an cool dude"

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[Ray]: Return to room, insert disk.

0344.gifYou return to your room and proceed to insert the disk into your computer in a completely compliant and non-time wasting way.[Ray]: Install client.0345.gifYour gaze drifts to the desktop of your computing device...the wallpaper you made with your own hands stares back proudly from it's digital frame. You are really proud of it, and looking at it makes you think back to when you first felt the desire to explore the stars above. It was so long ago....[Ray]: STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH AND JUST INSTALL THE GAME ALREADY.0346.gifYeesh! Somebody's a little impatient!Man, this install screen is pretty lame. After all this hype you kind of figured it would be more impressive. [Ray]::::0347.gif[Ray]::::0347b.gifJust what the heck is this.

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[ANDREW]: Return to room, insert disk.

0343.gifYeesh! Somebody's a little impatient![ANDREW]: Install Server.0348.gifMan, this install screen is amazing!! After all this doom and gloom you have to admit you are impressed. The colors shift and glow so vibrantly, you swear you're seeing hues that you've never before perceived. A small tears comes to your eye. This is what life is worth living for.[ANDREW]::::clickforflash.gifHOVER OVER THE BUTTONSJust what the heck is this??

bring back "an cool dude"

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[Ray]: Feel like somebody's watching you.

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GG: whoaGG: whoaaahGG: dudeGG: dude it's you!!!GG: !!!! !!! !!!!1IR: Oh are you just now realizing it's me?IR: I thought by now you had recognized my full fledged stardom. I've been waiting for you to start bending at the waist, lowering your head to kiss the ring on my finger and say "My liege, much has been spoken about your many legendary deeds.IR: They look up and whisper with reverence, behold, that guy who did some sprite kits"IR: I mean come on dude I'm at least famous enough to be in one of those stupid gossip rags by nowGG: waitGG: wait wait shut upGG: can you see me too?GG: I'm waving dude!!

[Andrew]: Try to wave to Ray through the screen.

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IR: What? See you? IR: I can't see anything all I've got is this dumb little black boxGG: what!! oh man

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GG: dude I can totally see youGG: you're sitting at your computerIR: That's not exactly hard proof. I mean any one could have guessed tha...Actually, you know what, I guess this is the part where I have to stereotypically act like the foolish pessimistic troglodyte, unawares of the incredible events around him and steadfast in his belief that the world is no wider than his own doorstep. But frankly at this point the skepticism center of my brain's running a little thin.GG: And for some reason you've got a weird robot propped in your doorway??IR: Yep, there it is. So I guess whatever this game is it gave you access to Buttlop's spy satellite network.GG: so, so you're saying you can't see me at all on your screen?GG: this isn't a two-way boogieGG: ???IR: No not at allIR: This makes sense though from what I readIR: And by read I mean deciphered from very simple swiss style instructions. GG: well obviously those were full of holesIR: They were as delicious as they were refinedGG: it was probably dobule-sided printing right?GG: those swiss never take sides in anythingIR: alright enough being retarded. as good as I am at itGG: man don't be hard on yourself bro i'm just sitting here with my mind blowed manGG: manGG: justGG: blowinGG: myGG: mindGG: like that gin-soaked baroom queen in memphis blew my noseIR: Well I guess it's cool that this game lets you see me through spy technologyIR: But that still doesn't help me at this point. I guess it doesn't let you do anything else? Can you fire lasers?

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IR: Holy hapori! What was that???GG: ha ha ha ha wheee!GG: i clicked on you bro!GG: ha ha ha ha have a taste of my clickGG: ahahaha wow this is way more fun than it should be

[Andrew]: CLICK CLICK CLICK!

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IR: Okay okay yeesh! IR: god that kind of hurtsGG: oh am I too rough baby? IR: well...I'll be honest, it kind of felt good at the same time.GG: well I'll just keep on feelin you up here, thenIR: but seriously there's gotta be more you can do than just send telepathic facebook pokesGG: hold on this buttn looks neat

[Andrew]: Well, what are you waiting for push a button.

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GG: whoahhhohhGG: haha whoops

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GG: ugh sorry bro i am pretty Not Good at thisGG: but I guess the scroll wheel zooms?GG: GUESS I'M LEARNIN THINGSIR: you're gonna pass this class with flying colors aren't ya buddyGG: haha if 'flying colours' means 'D-'IR: that's still passingGG: man I can't even begin to understand what all these buttons are supposed th be forIR: what do the say?GG: uhGG: this one says "constractionalate" or something iunnoIR: sounds like a stupid made up word if i ever saw one......

Edited by Hans Zimmer

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Latest Update: STORM AND SAND

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[Andrew]: Deconstitute the Earth.

0356.gifIn your somewhat emotional state, you make an impromptu decision to do a little experimenting, using one of the buttons you clearly don't understand yet on the very planet itself. Even though you don't know what it does, your mastery of the ENGLISH LANGUAGE tells you that it almost definitely won't destroy the world enitrely.Fortunately for you, your headfirst plunge into the realm of rugged cowboy-style empiricism is halted in its crazed gallop by the fact that your cursor can't really select something that large. Instead you just manage to delete a small portion of Idaho that nobody will really miss.[Ray]: Look at screen0356b.gifYou change your viewpoint in an abrupt fashion to check out the incredibly interesting thing happening on your screen. The incredibly interesting same thing that has been happening for the last few minutes. Wow![Ray]: See if BZPstuck is back up.0356c.gifWhile you're looking at things that haven't changed, you decide to see if your favorite internet forum has come back online.HUH! As yours eyes GLANCE DOWN AT THE DATE, you feel a sense of calm in your heart, because you know that the WEBSITE WILL BE BACK SOON. I mean, how long could a few upgrades take?Okay actually now you're getting pretty angry about this. Maybe you just want to check to see if your comic's gotten a few new replies. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK???[Ray]: Punch computer screen 0356d.gifThis is exactly why you need to learn to control your emotions. You see what happens when you let out the INNER RAGE??[Andrew]: Click and drag ray into the Constractionate button0357.gifYou're pretty sure this program works by clicking the button then using your cursor, but whatever! You press the CONSTRACTIONATE button.[Andrew]::::0358.gifuhhhh whoops![Andrew]: Wonder what to do next.0359.gifOkay you do that...[Andrew]: Do something completely different0360.gifOf course! the answer is so simple you're amazed it took any thought at all! The answer is always press different buttons! Move over Bryan, there's a new super sleuth in town.[Andrew]:play dress up with ray and put the master cheif helmet on him.0361.gifhehe there's no WAY this will fit on his head! Man this is gonna be HILARIOUS![Andrew]: Deconstitute.0362.gifGuess you know what that button does now! Uh oh, he looks pretty upset.

Edited by Hans Zimmer

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[Ray]: attempt to rebuild your helmet

0362a.gifYou're going to, but before you grab those pieces, you need to give Andrew a PIECE OF YOUR MIND.

IR: I cannot BELIEVE you just did that.IR: Do you know how limited of an edition that helmet was? Do you realize how long I spent waiting in a line, tapping my foot, looking at my watching, and sighing heavily just to see it keep moving at the same granular pace? GG: haha nerdIR: said the guy who met me through a children's toy fansiteGG: hey man LEGO Bricks are all about peace and construction, you can't say what about your killer machine man space gun dude or whatever his name isGG: that*IR: Look man this helmet's gotten me through some tough times through the years. My head wasn't always this big!GG: whatGG: isn't that game likeGG: only a few years oldIR: Oh look who's suddenly the GAME EXPERT. Excuuuuuuse me princess!GG: whoa man whoa i ain't claimin to expertise in anything here man, you've gotta calm yo tubercles brotherIR: Oh right, calm down, let's all join hands and sing kumbaya and that will fix everything RIGHT??? God man your philosophy is just such a blast of hot air billowing right into a stupid swine-made house of sticks and mud and YOU KNOW IT.GG: oh #### you

[Ray]: Eat the pieces.

0362b.gifARGGH. THAT GUY. Okay, come on man, let's caaaalm it down a bit. You look at these weird bricks that appeared. If you're honest with yourself These Lego pieces do look like delicious gummies but you have learned a long time ago what problems sticking pieces of Lego into your various orifices will cause. Instead you reach for them to try and rebuild your beloved helmet.[Ray]::::0362c.gifThe pieces disappear when you try to touch them. It seems they were merely a gaming abstraction! Huh. Weird! At least you won't have to worry about stepping on them when it's dark.[Ray]: Build a phaser and set it to stun.0362d.gifRay can't build anything, he's not the SERVER! Only Andrew can build things right now. There may be a way for you to make some awesome things, but if there is you have not yet discovered it.[Andrew]: Stick the helmet pieces into the piece reclamatory.0363.gifUgh! You don't even remember what stupid button was the Piece Restarter or whatever, and even if you did Ray already made the pieces disappear. You hover over one of the dumb buttons and see a bunch of dumb looking gizmos. How dumb!Yeah, you're still pretty angry about Ray's outburst.[Andrew]: Follow instructions and separate your pieces by type.0364.gifOh, here's the reclamatory. Looks like you already did that. And by did that you mean let an automatic process take place that does that for you. You also make a note that it appears building the wall earlier has depleted some of your ivory pieces. How observant of you![Andrew]: remember about the fire0365.gif

GG: look i'm sorry about your spaceman helmet but we KIND of have some more important things to worry about remember? IR: Man who even cares. GG: fine die in a fire you useless blockmuncherIR: Sorry. I guess I'm just being a little emotional about all of this. IR: Yeah, it's probably a good idea to stop the fire before we get back to our important schedule of destroying all my prized possessions. Hey, maybe you could toss my bed into the flames and see if that will smother them??

[Andrew]: Use Constractionate to make Ray's room into a maze

0366.gifYou know what? You've had enough of his attitude. You concentrate really hard to try and make a maze to keep him out of your hair while you save his stupid life. You are incredibly successful.

IR: ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? LET ME OUT OF HERE NOW. GG:: like ######. i'm saving your life and you ain't stopping me brosefGG:: deal w/itIR: Come ONNNNNN

[Ray] Bash fists on the wall until something happens.

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0368.gif

You try to punch the wall down. You are incredibly unsuccessful.

Edited by Hans Zimmer

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[Andrew]: Deconstitute all the parts of Ray's house that are on fire

0369.gif

GG: okay let me see if I canGG: put out this fireGG: uhGG: oh whoopsGG: okay if I click uh, decons...whatever, and then click the fire, and I

[Andrew]::::

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GG: wait uhhh

[Andrew]::::

0371.gif

0371a.gif

GG: ####

[Andrew]: Build an aftbricator in the bathroom

0372.gif

0373.gif

0373a.gifYeah, you TOTALLY meant to do that!Have you mentioned that you're not good at video games?

[Andrew]::::

0374.gif

0375.gifYeah, you TOTALLY meant to do that too!Have you mentioned that you're REALLY not good at video games?

Actually, this gives you an idea.

[Ray]: Walk out of stupidly easy maze

0376.gifHey it's not as easy as it looks okay! That bookshelf there is in the way of just going around!You climb over the wall instead.

GG: wait! wait, ray, I've got it!GG: ray, ray i need your helpGG: go to the bathroomIR: Oh come on dude!! Gross!!GG: and turn on your tub

[Ray]: Go to the bathroom.

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IR: Dangit Arthur where's my toilet???IR: Ugh, I'm completely exhausted of freaking out. You know what, I'm just going to go ahead and accept any and all future destruction of my house with grace and beauty. I will be the queen of the rubble, waving quietly to her broken down subjects.IR: Hellloooo! [/queen]GG: hey man you need to be more sensitive about stuff like that - you know TD and CP worship her majesty!!IR: Yes that is definitely a 100% true fact about all Canadians ever.

[Ray]::::

379.gifYou fill up the tub, as requested.

[Ray]: Get the sudden urge to moo like a cow.

380.gifThis command makes you suddenly get the urge to force your head into the tub. You barely resist the urge.

[Andrew]: Be the hero.

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GG: All right brother here we go, it's time for hero mode

[Andrew]::::

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[Andrew]::::

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GG: Hahahahaha!!! I did it!GG: EAT ITIR: And all it took was the complete destruction of my home. IR: Well, I guess it could have been worseIR: thanks for saving my lifeIR: I guessGG: you're welcomeGG: I know it's such a drag

[Andrew]: Be an expert at video games

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You are SUCH the expe-oh come on how did that even happen.

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[Ray]: Let it sink in. Let it all sink in.

385.gifHaha. Sink, because you're in the bathroom right? That's a real knees slapper! Between this cornball stuff your subconscious is throwing at you and the high velocity porcelain projectiles your friend is throwing at you, it'll be a miracle if you ever get this cheery smile off your face.[Ray]: Investigate new additions to your house386.gifWell, while you're here, you might as well see what's inside this strange new addition.[Ray]::::0387.gifWow. This sure looks complicated! Whoever designed this place must have spent a long time on it.[Ray]: Do science to it0388.gifThis is how you science right? Touching things and hoping something happens?[Ray]: Move it along0389.gifUnfortunately, you heard more than one large 'thump' earlier. You're just betting he placed more than one of these gizmos around here. You leave the bathroom and move to the living room.[Ray]: Press button on mast-thingy0390.gifNow THIS is more like it! No complicated gizmos or weird intricate machinery. Just a man, a button, and an incurable desire to press it no matter the consequences.[Ray]::::0391.gifWhen you press this thing it makes a lot of clunking noises that sound like some kind of gigantic ice dispenser on one of those soda machines. Your gums are already salivating at the thought of enjoying another fresh brew of CANNICUS GENERICUS. You drool a little and don't even care.[Ray]: Release your ANGER!0392.gifIt makes some clunking noises, like it's stuck. Well, only one solution to this obvious problem. Time to punch it![Ray]::::0393.gifWHY DO YOU KEEP USING THE SAME HAND ARGHHH! !!!![Ray]: Ragequit!0394.gifYou couldn't care less what sort of delightful nectar might be hiding in this couch-massacring device. You're out of here. PEACE.[Ray]::::0395.gif[Ray]::::0396.gif

Edited by InnerRayg

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[Ray]::::

0397.gifYou return to your room. Oh what the heck here's another one of these fifty things.[Ray]: Tear down posters to reveal secret safe tunnels.0397b.gifOh but you could NEVER do that! You love this poster more than you would really care to admit. You got it from a guy with some pretty shady connections, and ever since it has served as a totem that keeps you tethered to reality even as the world threatens to throw you under the crazy train that is life. Sure, you know where you hope this life will take you, but you can't be sure you'll ever get to go as far away as you've dreamed. But you guess it doesn't really matter. How can anyone matter when we are all such an insignificant part of this intricate world humanity has created together? The question rages inside your mind as your face drifts throughout the many levels of reality you experience, those inside your own mind and those outside it, and those beyond. After all, how can you be so sure these strange hallucinations you've been having all day have not been more? This game has already changed so much of your perception of reality, it's no wonder you are questioning everything else you knew. Things like this poster are the few anchors you have left to cast off this crazy ship ride you are on, and though your sails have long since collapsed there is a small sliver of promise in the drift of the ocean itself moving you towards something greater. You have only to gaze out on the beauty of the sea and see it, but even as you gaze upon it, it all begins to fade, like something from a dream. The only thing that fails to fade is the pixie like beauty of the incredible Ellen Page as Ariadne, who weaves her spell around you every time you see those questioning eyes gaze into yours. Oh what a daring dream, to be the one to playfully trick her into a kiss instead of that upstart Joseph Gordon Levitt.That's strange, you've forgotten exactly what you were ruminating on? As quickly as it came it disappeared, like something from a dream.[Ray]::::0398.gifYou step into the FORESCANNER's main room. Your isometric view also conveniently switches so that you can see the nifty devices there in the front. Look more stuff you don't understand at all, neat![Ray]: Wonder how you can fix everything0399.gifYou leave the weird new room and stare at the wreckage of your room. Debris covers the floor. Strange walls sit akimbo to one another, lazily drafted in such a way that they make navigation impossible. It's hard to see what was once a place of refuge so desolate and alien. Still, if you're honest with yourself there's a small part of you that finds this destruction rejuvenating. No, more than that. Freeing. This place has been less like a home sometimes, and more like a prison. Daily strifes with robotic monsters, a cold veil of silence from a once jovial sibling, and an undercurrent of fear that something darker still lurks underneath. Maybe you were unfair to Andrew. Maybe this isn't so bad. [Ray]: Talk to somebody about all this.0400.gifYou try TD, but it seems he is amiss. Likewise, your best buddy GP has his away message on. PI hasn't been answering anybody's messages for awhile. You could try MM, but she's probably not the best one to ask about this right now. And of course you would never even consider aggravating CP for help. she'd just do unspeakable things to you. You don't actually consider going to ID. He's a good friend...he helped save your life...but all the same, lately you feel a small shiver every time he sends you a message.Guess that leaves only one person. Wow. This is kind of making you nervous. Is that sweat on your palms? Focus Adams focus!

IrritableRevenant (IR) began aggravating warwornArbalest (WA) at 12:45 PM CSTIR: Umm heyIR: do you mindIR: uhIR: if I talk to you for a secondWA: hey, remind me, who are you again? IR: Okay soIR: I've been playing this game with Andrew, and I guess it turned out to be a little more immersive than what I was expecting. IR: and I guess I was kind of in a panic because this fire was threatening to turn me into a delicious pizza hot pocket dinner roll IR: and he managed to save my life, but in the process he sort of messed up my house pretty extensivelyIR: and I was really mad about it, and I sort of said some things thatIR: umIR: maybe I shouldn't haveIR: andIR: waitIR: you don't know who I am?WA: well i think it's fair to assume everyone likes pizza hot pockets, hombreWA: and your name was on my acquaintances listWA: but i don't believe i've actually made your acquaintanceIR: oh okay IR: wellIR: you remember that guyIR: Andrew?WA: Andrew Arthur? of course, the long legged guitar pickin' manWA: i am quite familiarIR: well I was thereIR: forIR: wellIR: your last show together with him and the PredaconsWA: ohIR: >>WA: that one was quite a gas. did you dig it?IR: yeah!IR: wait sorry I guess that's kind of insensitiveIR: ugh why do I always have to say the worst thingsWA: hey it's perfectly alright, don't rattle your cage about itIR: you really don't remember me? Dark hair, alien t-shirt, large eyebrows?WA: well there were quite a few folks there so i can't really place you, but don't worry. mayhaps something will jog my memoryWA: anyway, let's get to the bottom of this conundrum. what were you doing with Andrew, again? you got into an argument?IR: Well alright, I basically told him that his entire hippie schtick of peace and love was nothing but a flighting fancy made for the deluded, little more than a buildup of stupid that would soon be washed away with the frigid waters of stone cold realityIR: in so many wordsWA: yikes, that's... not very cool if you at allWA: sounds like something that could really rustle his auraIR: Well yes but you see we were playing this game called Lego Multiverse and he totally destroyed half my house!IR: I mean I was in the heat of the moment and I've been really angry lately because I haven't been sleeping well and I punched my monitor for some reason and sure he was trying to save my life..IR: ugh I'm an afthole aren't IWA: when we cast our love into the sea of human emotion, sometimes what we catch is in fate's handsIR: I never asked to be a fisherman on such a sea as thisWA: are we thinking of the same Andrew Arthur? the Andrew i know doesn't really play games...WA: strange he'd start playing them now...IR: haha yeah that's kind of why things got so messed upWA: wait, did you say Multiverse? i think i've got something like that!IR: Wait really?IR: That's...strangeIR: It's supposed to be uhIR: pretty exclusiveWA: hey hermano, you don't think i'm in with the in crowd?WA: i'm pretty hip with the underground video game scene, if i do say so myselfIR: Oh I know you areIR: you're the coolestIR: umIR: I mean your music is coolWA: hey thanks. being in the band was a blast, really. glad you could hear us before we splitWA: you know what? you're a cool cat. i like the cut of your jibWA: maybe just because you're throwing some divine compliments my wayWA: but let's try and fix this problem with king Arthur, okay? WA: i'll even let you be GuinevereIR: haha does this mean you're willing to be my knight?WA: i kind of want to be excalibur, you know? the key to the whole story, somewhat? hanging out, lodged in a stone until it's my time to shine...IR: And if we're both talking about the same Andrew than surely you mean QUEEN Arthur.WA: oh my, let's not get carried awayIR: I'm justIR: not very good at apologiesIR: but maybe you could let him know for me that I'm sorry?IR: you seemed like you were really good friends uhIR: beforeIR: o.oWA: i think i can swing thatIR: That would be pretty awesome of you. Thanks, and I'll let you know if I have any friends in the future I need you to apologize on my behalf toIR: and hey if you have that gameIR: uhIR: maybe we could play it sometime??IR: Not that we have to if you don't want toIR: I mean it's just a dumb videogameIR: and who plays a lego game honestlyIR: so lameIR: justIR: really lame.WA: i'll see what i can do about our pal AndrewWA: and then we'll worry about the game, okay?IrritableRevenant (IR) ceased aggravating warwornArbalest (WA)

Edited by InnerRayg

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[Ray]: Flirt harder

0401.gifHaha you don't know WHAT you could possibly mean by that. You barely even know WA. How could you be infatuated with her and her awesomely rad style?? Just. So rad. Your sylladex flushes with embarrassment as it snaps up your smartphone. [???]: HEY!0402.gif[???]: LISTEN! 0403.gif[Ray]: Try to accept that a glowing ball of light with wings is talking to you. 0404.gifOkay, a floating lightbulb is now talking to you. There is nothing strange about this whatsoever.[???]: GREETINGS PLAYER!0405.gif0406.gif0407.gif[Ray]:::: 0408.gifYou ask this strange glowing ball of light what wizard school it escaped from. It doesn't seem to understand the question.0409.gif0410.gif...huh.

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[Ray]: Introduce yourself

0411.gifYou tell it your name is Ray. It seems very pleased. It calls itself "THE PROTOSTUD".[Ray]: Be Navisnitch0412.gifOkay, it literally just said its called THE PROTOSTUD. See? The text there is bolded and flashing to make extra sure it sinks into the shallow pool that you call a cranium.[Navisnitch]: "Help" Ray with vague hints.0413.gifI'M SORRY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION.[PROTOSTUD]: "Help" Ray with vague hints.0414.gifLooks like this is right up the Protostud's alley. It is like, ALL ABOUT helping. It'll help you right under the table or by George its name isn't NAVISNITCH.[PROTOSTUD]::::0415.gif0416.gif0417.gif[Ray]::::0418.gif0419.gifThreat to your life? Oh you see, it must mean the fire. You will let it know that you've managed to bungle your way into a solution for that already. 0420.gif0421.gif0422.gifI'M SORRY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION.[Ray]: throw chess set into the glowy thing.0423.gifYou're definitely ready to throw something into this nincompoop! Chess set's all the way in the living room though, so you'll have to remember to head that way at some point. This ridiculous fairy is obviously not very bright. You're going to have to try and use obvious key words with it.[Ray]: Wonder as to how you will repair your house. 0424.gifYou don't have to wonder! You already have an idea. You let this floating tinkerbell know that THE THREAT HAS BEEN MITIGATED. THE WORLD HAS CEASED REJECTING YOU. Instead, you want to know if its power can be USED TO REPAIR YOUR HOME.[PROTOSTUD]: I'M SORRY,0425.gif[PROTOSTUD]: IT SEEMS YOU ARE MISINFORMED!0426.gif[PROTOSTUD]: THE THREAT HAS NOT CEASED!0427.gif[PROTOSTUD]::::0428.gifLeave...this world?0428b.gifSurely not. It couldn't mean. No. Way. OH MAN! You can barely contain your excitement. In fact, you completely fail to contain it and your modus doesn't fail to take note. Looks like this fantastic beast is coming with you on what promises to be an awesome adventure[Ray]::::0429.gifYou excitedly ask the little bug HOW YOU CAN LEAVE THIS WORLD. Even though it's obvious by now that it is little more than automated program with no thoughts or emotion, you still get the sense that it is rolling its eye at you. Of course, it says, the only way to escape is to pilot your vessel to the stars. 0430.gifVessel? Could that be what all these weird gizmos are for? To fly away? Could you be on the first step to your very own intersteller journey?? The mere thought makes you shudder a little with joy.[Ray]: hug the protostud0431.gifYou can't help yourself. Having your dreams come true like this fills you with such joy you give ole' Navisnitch a great big hug. Whose a good lightbulb? Stop struggling! What do you mean I'm CRUSHING YOUR WINGS you silly little prankster! Have a noogie.[PROTOSTUD]: BUT BEFORE YOU CAN LEAVE0432.gif[PROTOSTUD]: IT HAS ONLY ONE POWER SOURCE 0433.gif

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[Ray]: Fall in love with the new additions to your house.

0434.gifThis is just too spectacular for words. It's like winning the lottery and then finding another twenty dollar bill on the ground. Whatever this beautiful vessel is, if it runs on you making up stupid stuff you'll be able to fly for FOREVER.[Ray]: Try using IMAGINATION 0435.gifAlright, so...I guess if you just imagine something really, REALLY hard it will fuel this thing? That's AMAZING! IMAGINATION IS AMAZING![Ray]::::0436.gifWow, ouch. You are NOT used to making faces like that. Better stick to angry looks if you can help it.[Ray]: Imagine that there is gas in the tank. Problem solved. 0437.gifThis is the best idea anyone has ever had.[Ray]::::0438.gifPredictably it does nothing.Or maybe you're just not IMAGINING hard enough!![Ray]: Imagine HARDER!0439.gifIMPOSSIBLE!![Ray]::::0438.gifWow, look how much you achieved. This panel is literally identical to the one two pages ago. Good job champ. [Ray]::::0440.gifPerhaps this machine requires something a little more concrete? But..you don't have any paper available, so you guess you'll experiment with the wall. You pull your marker out of your Tool Cache. Remember the Tool Cache? It's still there. It didn't go away or anything. Look, the amount of ink drops has even decreased since you last saw it because you used the marker in that fight in your kitchen! It sure is great how this system keeps track of such small details like that. I'll bet you would never have even NOTICED such great continuity if not for this utility![Ray]: Draw unicorns on the wall, caveman-style.0441.gifOn a whim, you begin by creating a spectacular scene of fantastic beasts roaming the fields, equine whinnies snorting across the plains as horn-tipped foreheads dip down to sample the delicious flora that lies beneath this majestic wonder's sodden hooves. Their manes rip through the sky like ivory blades dancing across a blue cloth, delicately caressing it but able to slice it into tatters with even the simplest flick of their mighty necks. These unicorns are the masters of their domain, gentle beasts and ferocious protectors all in one serene form. Is there anything more exquisite than watching their bodies heaving with effort as they gallop? Anything more enticing then the imposing stature they strike against the trees? Look at those snouts. Look at those teeth. Look at - OKAY OKAY geeze you can't keep going on like that. You're not fooling anybody, everyone knows that horses are the ugliest animals on the face of the planet. God you hate horses. Especially fake made up horses. You get tired of drawing these dumb things almost as soon as you start and draw a derpy looking one instead. Stupid pony!This marker's going to come off, right? [PROTOSTUD]: Be useful0442.gifThe Protostud is not a thinking entity. It is merely an amalgamation of programmed responses and algorithms. Despite this, it still kind of thinks you're making a fool of yourself and though this vessel is yours, it still thinks it is in pretty poor taste to desecrate it in such a way. You'll get a chance to do that later on after all.[PROTOSTUD]: I'M SORRY RAY.0443.gif[PROTOSTUD]: IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO SIMPLY FORM THE THOUGHTS IN YOUR MIND0444.gif[PROTOSTUD]: RESTRICTIONS ON THE CREATIVE PROCESS ARE NECESSARY0445.gif[PROTOSTUD]: THE DEVICES WILL AID YOU IN THIS PROCESS0446.gif[PROTOSTUD]: IF YOU CAN AMPLICATE MY FORM0447.gif[Navisn-I mean Protostud]: Give Ray a countdown timer0448.gifYOU MUST HURRY THOUGH. THE LIGHTNING STRIKES AROUND YOUR HOME WILL INCREASE EXPONENTIALLY. I CALCULATE YOU HAVE LESS THAN NINE MINUTES TO VACATE THE AREA BEFORE IT BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE TO LEAVE.[Ray]: Check out what your LIL BRO is doing.0449.gifWell since it looks like you're suddenly on a deadline, you hurry to the living room so you can let your LIL BRO know what's going on. Even in his grumpy state of mind he will love this incredible news about getting to go to space in a sweet house rocketship. It also will be pretty awesome to uh...get a little bit further away from the death lasers the Protostud apparantly has. And of course, on the way you can CHOOSE AN ICON to AMPLICATE THE PROTOSTUD'S FORM.Whatever those dumb words are supposed to mean.0450.gifOh what's this? MM's sending you a message. The idea of getting to jam with such an amazing artist should make you feel just inadequate enough to be embarrassed. That should convince this modus to let you use the phone.

Edited by InnerRayg

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  • 2 weeks later...

[Ray]: Answer

0451.gif

MoochyMensch (MM) began aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 12:53 CSTMM: oh manIR: Boy tell me about itMM: i'm gonna hold on :(IR: Wait I'm oh manning about this seriously ridic news I just got, what are you oh manning about?MM: oh man what news?IR: You're gonna think this is a joke from one of those hilarious fake news rags you read but I'm telling you the 100% fresh, grade A truth. The chicken that hatched this egg was made out of veracity itself, and that fluffy butt of honesty is about to envelop your world.IR: I, Raymond Adams, will soon be leaving this planet to travel the stars, heading on a journey to visit distant galaxies and face the galactic counsel of alien overlords to speak on humanity's behalf, so that we may finally take our rightful place in the order of the universal cultural exchange. I've already reserved a dinner table for us at the restauraunt at the end of the universe. I hear it's beautiful this time of year.MM: holy molyMM: that MM: is so awesome MM: it has to be trueIR: Alright, so I may have made a few exaggerations there. MM: hmmmmmmmmmMM: color me MM: shockedMM: aight raygun gotta stop you before you get wound up in another storyMM: i gotta stop avoiding thisMM: i need to talk to you for a bitMM: serious timeMM: you remember andrew?IR: Name rings a bell, yes.IR: Do you know he destroyed my house?MM: oh man he didn't tell me thatMM: but it sounds like maybe you MM: said some stuff to himMM: thatMM: kind of hurt his feelingsMM: and he's not....uh....MM: dealin with it wellIR: Yeah. I feel pretty bad about it honestly.IR: but it's cool. WA's gonna solve this puzzle for me. She should be delivering my apology post haste.MM: rock on manMM: if she's involved then there's nothing to worry aboutIR: Um...what do you mean? MM: dude if you've never seen those two get synced into hipster mode you need tooMM: its beautMM: like watching a sunsetMM: they can just talk for hours about how good vinyl records smell nsuchMM: they finish each others sentencesIR: Oh.IR: Huh.IR: I knew they were friends...I guess I didn't realize how close they were. Guess he needs somebody to talk music to who understands him :PIR: I'll be honest when he starts layin down those paragraphs about how each note perfectly accents the next in that cool new Beatles album I sorta glaze over a bit. MM: no doubtIR: But then he does the same thing when I start talking about how beautifully designed some business card is or how precisely each pencil stroke is laid down in some drawing.MM: haha i know manMM: reminds me I should work on another comic soonIR: When are you getting syndicated anyway? This stuff needs to be seen! You should be a star dahling, a star!MM: oh mr. producer do you really think i could be a star?MM: lil ole me?IR: Stick with me doll, I'll make you FAMOUS!MM: aw yissssssIR: You should send them in to that veggie thing you love...the olive?MM: the onion?MM: haha I WISH!IR: Alright well this has been fun, but I have a date with the wild blue yonder.IR: Some of it was BS, but this part of it was true: I really am going to space.IR: I'll be honest, I haven't been this happy in years.IR: Maybe ever.MM: wow, what a downerMM: is this part of the game andrew said you were playinIR: You know it? Lego Multiverse?MM: bro i got a copy right hereMM: its pretty soggy thoughMM: i told andrew i'd play it with him MM: since he was so upsetMM: he kind of felt like he wasMM: messing it upMM: so i told him to play with me MM: instead of a PRO GAMER like youIR: Huh, can that work? I mean...there are two disks...IR: I guess hypothetically you could string along the server/client connections to make a sort of chain.IR: If you're his server I mean.IR: It'd be like MM > GG > IRMM: if you say soIR: Course hard to complete that chain without my server disk but oh well.IR: You know what...actually I really like that idea! If this game works the same way for everybody you guys can all come into space with me! IR: We'll finally be the crew of the Enterprise like we've always dreamed.MM: i call seat warmer for captain kirkIR: You should see if you can find someone else to be your server.IR: But...maybe somebody pretty good with technology so that your house doesn't suffer too much damage.MM: damage?MM: you know that reminds meMM: a little while ago I heard a loud bang and then some creaking noises MM: under my houseIR: Um...it wasn't Pommes was it?IR: Because frankly I could do without the detailsMM: haha no way!MM: Frites is awesome and adorable and the best thing in the worldMM: wanna see some pics?IR: Oh...uh...dang this little blinky fairy is telling me I have to go get this ship on the road sorry!IR: Next time!MM: wait!MM: aww....MoochyMensch (MM) ceased aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR)

[Ray]: Uh.....wonder how the heck Lego Multiverse works

0452.gifYou don't really have the time to wonder. If your uncanny sense of time is correct, and it always is, you've got something like six minutes left to get the heck out of here![Ray]::::0453.gif...before something really bad happens[Ray]::::0454.gifThe lights once again go out. Not your bro this time though. The storm definitely did that.Huh. Is that a note? Probably something even more cantankerous from your LIL BRO.[Ray]::::0454b.gifYup.0455a.gif0456.gif0456b.gif0456c.gif[Andrew]::::0457a.gifBut before we get too ahead of ourselves...[Andrew]::::0457b.gifWe find ourselves temporarily displaced to a few minutes prior

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[Andrew]: Now that the crisis is over, read the manual

0458.gifMan, why are you even doing this. You didn't want to do this in the first place. This isn't your scene man; this isn't your scene.You calm yourself with a few sips. You've helped save your buddy and that's good, and it's not like you demand he be grateful. Though. It could be nice. Another sip. Anyway. For this moment you've got higher priorities than this ridiculous game.[Andrew]: Ogle Desktop0458b.gifPraise be to the lord David Bowie, King and Queen of Glam, Master of Soul, Lead of the Great Dance. The Magnificent Bowie bestows eternal joy in his Castle of Glitter for those who live a sexy enough life here on earth. Have you heard the good news? Here's a copy of Hunky Dory.Or something like that. Mainly he's just a great musician who's made music in so many different genres and aced them all. You start playing "Life on Mars?" with Vinamp. Vinamp is a way better media player than Clue Kazoo. Sure, it's a much older program, but it's tried, tested, and true. It doesn't need any of that video support or cross-platform synchronization of whozits and whatzits. It plays music and accurately reproduces the sound with highest fidelity and anybody who things a music player should do more than that is a chump.You have this argument with Brian regularly. You love Brian so much.[Andrew]: Do something else heroic0459.gif#### that. You need booze.[Andrew]: Contemplate the moral and ethical consequences of "Big Brother-ing" your best bud.0460.gif0461.gifMoral consequences? I mean, this is more consentual vouyerism than "Big Brothering." It was his idea in the first place. This is going to be equal parts hilarious and sexy. You're gonna need a lot more happy juice - Ooo, is that Coppola Merlot? Oh yes, you're coming with princess Andrew.[Andrew]: Let's Get This Boat on the Road 0462.gif haha woah...okay hold on [Andrew]::::0463.gifYou know what let's take a li'l break here[Andrew]::::0464.gifHey while we're here let's just UNLEASH THE FREAKIN' KRAKEN

bring back "an cool dude"

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[Andrew]: Call CardinalPuffin to brag about your accomplishments

0465.gifExcuse me? Did I just hear you right MR. KRAKEN? You two have spent some good times together, but now you see this bottle doesn't really understand you at all. You're no braggart! You give it a stern look for misjudging your character so badly.[Andrew]: Call CardinalPuffin now!0466.gifAlright little bottle, now you're just getting ornery. Take that!Remember kids. Drink responsibly.[Andrew]::::0467.gifWell, you've drunk your only friend. The only way you can make it up to the bottle is to call moochyMensch to wallow in your self pity just like it asked.

glamGuitarist (GG) began aggravating moochyMensch (MM) at 1:41 ESTGG: ughGG: #ughMM: ugh?GG: #ugh #ugh #ugh #ugh #ughMM: what ughGG: ughalos. big money ughlas. platypus-looking motherughas.GG: can a killa get an ugh ugh ugh yghGG: yyyyyyyyghMM: goldangitMM: what's wrongGG: sorry ugh i ddin't want to brother youGG: bother*GG: sorryMM: no, c'monMM: what got into your bonnetGG: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhGG: wayyyy too much rum, for starters haha and i do mean for STARTERS hahaGG: ugh it's justGG: i don't know, i don't knowGG: i don't wantr to complain and stugff but i'mGG: not in a good place right nowGG: i got ~*~PrObLeMz~*~MM: so i heardGG: i don't know i'm playing that game withe ray, the lego thing, right?GG: i don't know i mangeaged to put a fire out at his house but i'm i mean i'm terrible at the game as usual anf i'm just so fafraid, i'm alreayd screwing thigns upGG: i'm going to ruint his for everybody!GG: you know how i am with this stuff; everyboyd else just laughs it off :MM: you reckon?GG: oh my god wouldyou drp the fake farmer talk already oh my godGG: it's meGG: you don't need to do the charade thing oh my god ughGG: .....sorryGG: sorry, I'm sorryGG: i'm so stressed outGG: i miss youMM: >:|MM: y'all need to calm your gritsGG: oh my godGG: i'm rolling my eyes so hrd right nowGG: 9_________________________9GG: ha haGG: ughnMM: this is who i am, i reckon, and y'all just gonna have to saddle up and deal with itMM: bein up here does that to a ladyGG: >:GG: nop i know youGG: you're the samew curly-haired brickhead i've always knownGG: thas the reason you don't use that fake horsewhippin talk with RayGG: yer a city slicker jus like meGG: i reckonGG: y'just moved out to them boondocks that's allMM: yeahMM: yeah wellMM: ok fer real, what's eatin yaGG: ughGG: #ughGG: i just feel like i'm lettign everyone down alreadyGG: andGG: i feel likeGG: id on't even know how to do anything jesus i don't know how to do anything rightGG: I,GG: I'm so stressed out i'm losing my cool! i don't like that feewling. i'm not used to itGG: iGG: rayGG: kind ofGG: iensulted meGG: whooo, unleash the freakin kraken ha ha wheeeMM: woah nowMM: settle down thereMM: pardnerMM: you've been dippin in the watering hole, haven't youGG: don'tcha know pardnerGG: drinkin makes yer problems go to sleep so's they can wake up ready to rock and frickin roll in the moroningGG: ha ha! IMF UNNYGG: :MM: aight i think you had enoughGG: you dont underswtantGG: he tolds me si was full of it, that tryihng to live a life of nomnviolence was bullGG: andGG: he's reright, isn't he/GG: im full od itGG: oh my god veryhting i believre isd spitMM: horsesefrassGG: hole on gotta crawl to my couch

[Andrew]: Wonder when your roommate will wake up.

0468.gifGotta...hic...make it outta this hallway before he wakes up. No TELLING how might take advantage of your vulnerable state![Ray]: Build a fort out of couch cushions0469.gifWha...Did you say Ray? Chivas, you're almost as crazy as the Kraken. You build a fort out of the cushions that looks absolutely magnificent.[Andrew]: Talk to cardinalPuffin0470.gifWhat a delightful idea! You love this bottle so much, it's so smart! And as if some unseen cosmic hand has summoned her forth just to speak with you, here she is! You respond to cardinalPuffin's message.

cardinalPuffin (CP) began aggravating glamGuitarist (GG) at 1:45 ESTCP: guyCP: I've got itCP: I'm knitting Huki and Maku dolls that really kissCP: it's going to be so adorableCP: magnets, yoGG: pffffffffttGG: why not makerGG: HUKI and HAFU dolls that kiss! !!!!11CP: because that opens up a whole new can of magnet compatibility issuesCP: can't deny people their OTPs, after allCP: but fine, just for youGG: I'll buy twentrtyGG: WAITGG: Taksua.......and.......jalaGG: the MOST FLAMNG pairGG: ;) ;) ;0 ;)CP: alright, alright, it's on the listCP: you did not, in fact, lay off the sauce, did you, guyCP: comma comma commaGG: :(CP: I'm just getting this feelingGG: guilty.. .GG: you have thsdi annoyring tendency to be SRIGHT all the rimeGG: timeCP: yeah, it's such a painCP: wait, you're not actually playing, are you?CP: are video games just that horrifying that you need to dull the shock somehow?CP: consider the point made, sheeshGG: YOU DNT UNDERSTAND A VIDEO GAME KILLED MY FATHERGG: I MUST AVNEGE HIMCP: okay, guy, I'm gonna be honestCP: I'm just -barely- able to let that one go right nowCP: just that kinda dayGG: ...GG: i'dm sorryGG: its beena bady dayCP: I knowCP: I know you didn't mean anything by itGG: yeahfCP: it's just not really the kind of thing that ever goes awayGG: no, i knowGG: youu know i knowGG: mnanGG: sooory i'm like this right now how are youCP: not too bad, I supposeCP: nothing's burning down or anythingCP: that's always awesomeGG: thst teminds meGG: *remindsGG: look, your know i trsut you more thanGG: wellGG: anywbodyGG: i gotta confess something to youGG: i''m a little unsettled by this whole ggame thingCP: you got used to the moving picture television box, didn't you?CP: video games aren't real, don't worryGG: no ######., no, seeGG: hoow much do you know about this game?CP: as much as I can drag out kicking and screamingCP: not as much as I'd likeCP: guy, what's going on?GG: hokayGG: trhis is goign to sound crazyGG: the came affects realityGG: game*GG: and I DNOT MEAN THE DAVID BOWIE ALBUMGG: which is honestly one of his lesser works but ssis still really goodCP: I'm not having a hard enough time believing thatGG: ???CP: it's just, you say something like that, and I think about allllll the things I don't know about this gameCP: (like will it or will it not make my computer explode)CP: and those 'this is crazy' bells aren't going off like they shouldGG: Iii told you i coulds core a new sound/graphhics card for you man i know whweere to lookGG: like i'm telling you i knoo a dudeCP: no, I think I've got itCP: if only to make ID stop spouting specs at me constantlyGG: that................GUYCP: I know rightGG: what a doooooooooooooofusGG: ughGG: no, ssee you don't understandGG: the game is REALCP: so, like, some ARG thing?GG: Argh???CP: because I'm not obsessive enough for oneCP: never mindCP: soCP: how real is real?GG: likeGG: llikeGG: i liiterqlly was watching ray and put out a fire inhis houseGG: likeGG: andGG: i tjhnk i delete dpart og americaGG: of*CP: you guys have too many states anywaysCP: wait wait waitCP: fire?CP: is everything alright over there?GG: ray's housebwas on fireGG: litke literally! !!!GG: i mean i put it out so it's cool nowCP: oh, okayCP: that makes everything all better, obviouslyGG: ://////CP: completely negates the fact thatCP: yeah, it's hitting meCP: I think I need a minuteGG: a minute?CP: what, not enough time?CP: since apparently houses are -on fire-CP: and you're putting them out with -video games-CP: tight schedule, I realizeGG: look i'm not fhgoing to prentend i unsterstand this ######GG: to be hhonestGG: i'm frightendCP: I don't know what I can doCP: don't even know what I should say any moreGG: i don't eeitherCP: wellCP: you put out a fire, right?CP: just keep on doing thatCP: only proverbiallyCP: god, I don't knowGG: well lookGG: i didn't want to scare you or anythinggGG: i ,ean i would make a jjoke about you being incapable of fear but, you know, we know each a little to welll for thatGG: i guess i just wanted to ssayhGG: ii meanGG: ghhGG: i just rwanted to sayGG: i'm rewally concerned about this gameGG: andGG: i want to makee sure you playGG: becauseGG: well, becasue i'm afraid of what's goinf to happen to those who dontGG: and furthermoreGG: yyou know i suck at thisGG: and right nowGG: i really coulsd use sometone toGG: wellGG: watch my backGG: nott o be needy or anything :||||||CP: I'll be thereCP: just gimme a bitGG: aighht nio worriesGG: i just don't want your house to burn down too aightGG: or, at allCP: that would suck pretty badlyCP: just keep playing GG: yes, empressCP: think shark, guy GG: shhhhhhhark>CP: wait, wrong oneCP: sorryGG: i tTHINK for the moemntGG: i'll keep thinkin 'kraken'CP: I swear I've finally got those downGG: ;) ;) ;) ;) wink wonklCP: never changeGG: <3 CP: be careful out thereGG: you tooGG: later, yoCP: later

Edited by Andrew Arthur
bring back "an cool dude"

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  • 2 weeks later...

[Andrew]: Time for something completely different

0471.gifWell this is interesting! It seems just for a change of pace, yet another girl is vying for your e-ttention. Is this another sophisticated young lady looking to catch your eye? You're just too suave for words buddy. At this rate you're going to chat up ALL the ladies.

You like to think you're so good at talking with them, they consider you just "one of the girls". God you hope they think that.

warwornArbalest (WA) began aggravating glamGuitarist (GG) at 1:47 ESTWA: hey big daddyWA: i've got something on the front burner for youWA: i talked to that guyWA: rayGG: THHAT guyWA: he is feeling pretty blue about how he acted towards youGG: nice rhyming, SIMONWA: nice uncle garfunkelGG: hhaha <3WA: let this be the graceland of chatsWA: we will journey far and wideGG: pooor boys n pilgrims w/ familiies andGG: we are goinGG: to graacelandWA: 2gracelandGG: <3GG: howw are your my friendWA: darling i am quite alright, nothing's rattlin' my cageWA: how are you?WA: my traveling companionGG: baby i gottta confess i have been ffffar groovier at ohter timesGG: immGG: a litle saucedGG: had a little conversattionGG: drank a litele red wineWA: that is your life and also the songGG: hhahaWA: and that is also your motherGG: what u saying about my mother, yoWA: nothing, nothing, don't wet your ragWA: i was just trying to croon to youGG: haha ii know buddyGG: no woriesGG: manWA: man!GG: i'm gettin prretty durnkGG: dont tell no oneWA: slam durnkWA: your secret's safe with meWA: this bird won't singGG: ughGG: this dayWA: but come on cuzzin what's buzzin? what happened with this ray guy?WA: yeah i don't really know who he is, he says he knows youGG: uughGG: he said GG: i;m full of itWA: and what would make him say something like that?GG: becdcuase he SUCKS ]:\WA: cool itGG: yreahGG: yeahWA: i don't know this cat well but he seems pretty alrightWA: doesn't seem like he would just spaz out of the blueGG: we're both under a lot of dstressWA: it's the game, isn't it? i'm cranked to playWA: but not if it's getting you all riled up like thisWA: also ANDREW since when are you playin' games?GG: since never :|GG: since rray and Bunchacrunch Toffee convicted me toGG: convinced*WA: well it sounds like you're pretty frosted about it, are you not having fun?GG: whole thing's like the man bringing me downWA: well i know ray is feelin' pretty sorry about how he's actedWA: doesn't that cheer your wazoo even a little bit?GG: yeah?GG: whatds he sayWA: man he was all up in my scene WA: wallowingWA: he's sore enough to chat up a near stranger, doesn't that say something?WA: lil guy talked my ear offWA: not to say i didn't dig itWA: i meanWA: maybe i didWA: anyway it sounds like you two are normally so peachy keenWA: i don't want to see you down in the dumps like thisWA: like you're losin' the reed to your bowieWA: the sweet jane to your sweet headWA: you knowGG: :(GG: ray's a good guysWA: do not frown at me buddyWA: we used to have so much fun togetherWA: jammin' the night awayWA: i hate seein' you so blueGG: i miss thatGG: ray and i just hassd a fightGG: wew ere playin that gameGG: thigns got sourWA: maybe you should take a little break from the gameWA: clear your headWA: bust out your axeWA: do a little strummin'GG: yeah :/GG: manGG: wish you could bee ehre to join me!WA: we'd be made in the shadeWA: just try it, arthur, please? WA: put down the bottle, channel those spiders from mars, those myths of fingerprints, those murder mysteriesWA: for meWA: just like old timesWA: dig that soundGG: that ol soundGG: playingg imagine in the tehater basemenntGG: singin after hoursWA: voices and chords echoing endlesslyGG: man why ainrt you visit me since i moved anywayGG: im just a short metreo ride away, ladyWA: that's a good questionWA: but i think you already know the answer to itGG: mmGG: yeahGG: ii should be the one schleppin oit to see youWA: i don't have any uncomfortable roommates, so yes, you should!WA: my dorm is always open, daddy-oGG: hahha well let's meet for dinner soemtime at the ol' hibachi place on fairfax blvd ehGG: annd then jam at yuor dormWA: jam up a storm in the dormWA: tones so warmWA: swarmin' the musical norm like it's a perfect art formGG: jus like old timesGG: mmnGG: wsih things has fone differentlyGG: gone*WA: so do iWA: so do i.WA: but we can't change what's already happened, catWA: we have to look forwardWA: just like i know you're still pretty sore about what happened with rayWA: but we both know you've gotta keep playin' the gameWA: don't place blame, rise to fameWA: ignite the flame, take aim to stake your claim and honor your nameWA: sir arthurWA: you've got to chin up.GG: haha\GG: yeha, i supposeGG: signGG: wel listenGG: lets do thids once the whole game bizness is overWA: sounds divineWA: we'll be playin' together soon anyway, right? if i can figure out how this darn thing worksWA: then we can jamGG: dontr even bohter trying to gifure out how it works!!GG: i maed that mistakeGG: MYSELFWA: buster :(WA: we'll just have to see how it plays outWA: GET ITWA: PLAYSWA: IT'S A GAMEGG: DOGG: HOGG: HO.GG: :pppWA: yeah you like itGG: oh baby~GG: u kno i doWA: pushin' those buttonsWA: etcWA: ;)GG: wink wonk ; ;)WA: someone at the door?WA: who's there?GG: more likeGG: WHOS NEXTWA: woah.GG: TEEEEEENAGE WASTELAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDGG: haha OOPS iii gotts go I forgot abruot DA MOOCH I wasd talkin tooooWA: okay bubWA: it was wonderful talkin' with youWA: good luck with your lego-ingGG: thansk for the pick-me-up, palsoGG: and fro letting me know ray aint a shmuckGG: i guess we were both a lil stressed outWA: it happens, it happenswarwornArbalest (WA) ceased aggravating glamGuitarist (GG)

[Andrew]: Time for something completely different

0472.gifMmn. Not so much of an apology. Of course, knowing you, you're just going to accept it anyway and pretend like it never happened to keep from rocking the boat. Still it would be nice if he could at least say it to your face. You cap off the wine and return to the already well soaked shoulder of your curly-haired confidant.

MM: andrew?MM: hello?MM: where you at, kid D:<GG: fffffffffnghGG: iam not a kkidkGG: KIDGG: im oldd :(MM: you ain't oldGG: IKM OLLLLLDMM: you're barely old enough to be chuggin that stuff anywayGG: whaatMM: you're pretty green, kidGG: im 23 DNUKSSAGG: ] :( ( (MM: you ain't oldMM: and your beliefs ain't nothin to shake a steak atGG: nnghhhMM: don't listen to that fellerGG: ubt hes rightGG: he;s rightMM: hushGG: you dnt udnedrsyandGG: standGG: *GG: iiiGG: iGG: i foughtt my reoomateGG: iMM: yeah?GG: hwo can i say i belllieve in paciddifsmGG: pacifismmGG: ifGG: i cnt even prasctise what i preachMM: hmGG: aand what absout this gamewGG: iu meanGG: duck i don't i dffffffontGG: UGHMM: what about the game?GG: hghgnnnnGG: im fmessing wevrything upGG: godMM: sez whoGG: shoot, i'm sorryrerGG: i fdon't want to unload all this on youMM: what noMM: i've dealt with worse loadsMM: of manureGG: i donff't want to just complainGG: no, imn seresoiusGG: i appppppreciate you :/MM: and i'd appreciate you playin this game wit' usMM: you're a part of this here groupGG: """:\MM: ain't nobody can say otherwiseMM: c'mon i'll play with youGG: iim a wereck right nwo, myy moochy frendGG: id ont' want to emss thigns up any moreMM: you ain't gonna mess things up if you put down that moonshineGG: yeeah?MM: yeahMM: i'll be the yokebeast that tills the fieldMM: you just gotta drop the seeds where i dugMM: see it's simple farm thinkinGG: yr no farmer ]:\\\\\GG: i kno uMM: this fresh idaho air done scrubbed my brain cleanGG: uuuuuuuuuu casdnt fol meGG: yr a NUDE YORKERGG: NEW**MM: ]:|MM: look just play the stupid game okGG: welGG: iffGG: yo'ull play weith meMM: i already said i wouldGG: ii guess i coudl handle itr a little easierMM: better'n you handle a jugGG: hhahahMM: put that handle of moonshine down and switch those disksGG: welklGG: okkayGG: ill put this one dwonGG: butGG: beer right back ok?MM: no beer either ]:\glamGuitarist has gone awayMM: that better not be more hooch i hear bein rustled up thereMM: pardner

[Andrew]: Drink 'til you drop and leave Ray to deal with his own problems.

0473.gif0474.gif0475.gif

Abandon Ray? Much as you might be miffed, you could never do that. But taking a break? Well considering he's out of danger for the moment, that sounds like a good idea. You grab the first disk and put it somewhere you're most definitely not going to forget about later once you've sobered up.[Andrew]::::

0476.gifWow. This second loading screen is significantly less impressive than the first.This thing is gonna take forever.You think it's time...[Andrew]::::0477.gif...for more booze.

bring back "an cool dude"

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[Andrew]: Be the other guy.

0478.gifWho...?NoSurely not.Surely you've not now become an author avatar in a desperately self deprecating comic based on what is already a thinly veiled stand in for said author and his friends. There's no way this comic could have fallen so low so quickly.0479.gifYet here I am. That's right. I'm the star. It's me. You can do nothing but weep softly into your brick pile as I wrestle this narrative dough into an even more twisted pretzel of a shape. Watch silently with the eyes one wears when viewing some tragic accident moments away from occurring on the highway of your life as I dig this treasure chest of shame even further down into the mud. This is your world now. This is only the beginning of the despondance I am about to unfold in your mind's eye with my nickel plated tongue. Mmmm. You smell that? That dough we twisted up earlier's starting to bake. Smells delicious.[iR]: Imagine that the audience is in their underwear.0480.gifWho do you think you are exactly? You think you can just tell me what to do now? Sorry buddy but this comic's not big enough for the both of us. There can only be one guiding force for this train wreck to be!I begin to imagine that you're in your underwear of my own volition and for no other reason. [iR]: Become suddenly attracted to your readers. 0481.gifOhhhh Myyyyyyyy[iR]: Experience Foreshadowing 0482.gifI am going to now foreshadow that stuff's about to get STUPID.Stupidly AWESOME.Don't believe me?[iR]: Boom. 0482b.gifCheck out what I've been doing![iR]: ROASTED 0483.gifHappy 500ish page everybody!Anyway. Back to Andrew then.

Edited by InnerRayg

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Latest Update: STORM AND SAND

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[Andrew]::::

0484.gifYou find yourself outside. You...guess you walked out of your apartment door? What were you doing again?Oh right. Booze. Time to go the market![Andrew]::::0485.gifGood thing you live right above one.

You'd like to say that the excellent Korean market below you was the deciding factor of why you got this place, but it was just a fringe benefit. Your under-the-table (is is that through-the-wall?) rent deal is the sole reason you can afford this place.[Andrew]: Contemplate the meaning of free will

0486.gif

Ah, that free will, that truism of our lives, the one constant amid the gentle indifference of the universe. So like ourselves, so like a brother really. Such a Sisuphysian task is this life, but it is our own boulder we push.

Camus spoke much about free will and choice. If the world is absurd - a feeling wont to strike on any street corner, no less - then we have no purpose, and have only our choice, and nothing more. Should I take a lover late in life? Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee? It can be daunting or macabre at first consideration, but there's no need to fall into existential crisis, really. If there's no meaning to life, then your life means nothing save what you wish it to. Your life is your own. You can make your choice be to live it.

Sometimes it means dealing with consequences of choices. Sometimes you may deem yourself to have made mistakes. Sometimes you wake up next to the wrong person. Sometime you have too much to drink.

But they're your mistakes and yours alone, and we all live and die in perpetual growth.

[Andrew]::::

0487.gifSometimes we make good decisions. Living in Chinatown was one of those.

It's always been your favorite neighborhood in the city. The food! The lights! The people! The international flair! The convenient metro stop at Gallery Place! You've got the glitz and the grit mixed together in one spot, and it's still directly adjacent to downtown. And did you mention the food? There's so much good food right at your doorstep.

Screw the monuments; Chinatown is where it's at.[Andrew]::::

0488.gif

Ironically, you live right above the only Korean market in Chinatown. That's not to say there aren't other Asian restaurants in the neighborhood - you could name the addresses of a number of superb Japanese, Thai, and Vietnamese places - but on this block, the sign of Li's Market sticks out as the only hangul among hanzi.

It's not that unusual, of course, and you probably wouldn't have noticed yourself were it not for the ridiculous rumours that Li's Market was a front for a Korean mafia trying to gain a foothold in Chinatown. Which is just hilarious. Old man Li is the nicest guy and he gives you discounts on food just because he likes you. He's even cooked dinner for you a number of times just because he knows you love jap chae. You've been meaning to return the favor by making some ol' Irish corned beef and cabbage for him.[Andrew]::::

0488b.gifRight next to old man Li's place is a Chinese restaurant called China Express. They're pretty decent (and have a good lunch special), but your go-to place for Chinese cuisine is further down the block, and Ming's, which is the best food in the capital.

China Express is really only of note because sometimes the rumors about Li's Market also insist that China Express, in turn, is a front for the Chinese mafia, and that the Korean and Chinese mafia are in some sort of territorial war, and it's all very silly. You live right above the two places. If there were some kind of mob war, you think you would have noticed by now.[Andrew]::::

0489.gifA familiar bell rings as you enter Li's Market. The old man is sitting in his usual spot behind the counter.[Andrew]::::0489b.gifYou hear footsteps on the grating outside. Those are pretty usual; folks come and go from China Express regularly.[Andrew]::::0490.gifYou point exactly what you need. Some delicious soju should hit the spot![Andrew]::::0491.gif

Soju is basically Korean vodka, but with slightly less of a bite and a slightly more full-bodied flavor, in your opinion. Whiskey may be your preferred liquor, but this will do quite nicely in a pinch.

Sure would be a shame if you didn't get to enjoy this bottle.

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Edited by Andrew Arthur
bring back "an cool dude"

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[Andrew]: Sing Kumbaya to end the violence

0501.gifYou know, I'll just bet that would work too. Too bad he can't hear you right now! Anyway, when did a funny comic about Lego fans turn into a turf war between mafia families? What am I even writing? Man![iR]: Not you again!0502.gifYEAH ME AGAIN! Boy, I'll bet you're just on the edge of your seat right now. Andrew could be dead right now for all we know! Did you see all those bullets? Sorry, I meant "stun blasts". That's right, I forgot, in a Bionicle story none of the characters could ever have GUNS. That'd be RIDICULOUS.Anyway, I'm sure he'll be fine. Maybe we won't even go back to him for a couple hundred pages since I'm so sure he'll be alright. How's that suit you?[iR]: I'm going to stop reading now.0503.gifYeah yeah, if my antics were enough to stop you reading you'd have been nothin but a dust cloud 504 pages back. Boy I'll bet you're just itching to find out what happens next with Andrew. Or maybe you'd like to know if Ray and his lil bro will manage to stop fighting long enough to get off this planet safely! Or hey, what about Brian? Wasn't he like pleasantly conversing with some dude who had just proven himself to be a cold blooded killer? Man It's been ages since we saw him! Poor guy must be so lonely without us there.[iR]: You're just going to go to a new character.0504.gifYep, those cliffhangers are all very enticing I'd say! Well, I think I've wasted enough of your time...Let's spin the wheel of fate and see who we're gonna get to follow this time!0505.gif0506.gif0507.gif[iR]: Told you.0508.gifWell I'll be! This young lady hasn't been seen for hundreds of pages. She's way past due for an introduction![iR]: Sigh.0509.gifLet me just move her over here so we can see her a little better.

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Latest Update: STORM AND SAND

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[???]::::

0509.gifOh man, who are you now?? You reckon you'll be needing a name lickety split![???]: Enter name0510.gifWhat? Potato Breath? Oh no it's not that bad is it??[???]::::0511.gifOoh, that's better. And yes, that is an awesome palindrome.[Hannah]: Uh...Kanakanak?0511b.gifYou can't really control the NAKS.[Hannah]: Do something.0512.gifWell, you suppose you could do the polite thing and introduce yourself. After all, You wouldn't be a southern belle if you didn't have manners!Your name is HANNAH KANAKANAK. Sweet JESUS do you love French fries. Heck, you are plum over the moon about VEGGIES in general. Potatoes are just the perfect example of a vegetable. It's highly certain you have a CRIMINAL OBSESSION with those savory earth apples. You might as well face it.You've recently uprooted yourself from the BIG CITY to become a SMALL TOWN GIRL in the spud-speckled fields of Idaho, for reasons that weren't in the least UPSETTING TO YOU. No sir, out here you can pick potatoes right out of the ground without stepping on ANYONE ELSE'S toes or plates or whatever. Truly breathtaking.Yessir, the open country sure is a cozy place for a LAID-BACK lady like yerself. It really enables your tendency to arrange your stuff into PILES. Why, a girl could accumulate piles for miles out here! Your piling is a side-effect of your terrible PROCRASTINATION, and this unfortunately tends to cause you a little ANXIETY. You swore you wouldn't let THIS place become a pigsty, but such is the live of an ink-slinging cowpoke.Did you mention you're a SKILLED CARTOONIST? Not to give yourself a swell head, but your comics are something of a LEGEND among your friends. You know, when you actually do them.Carefully piled around your room are your various COLLECTIBLE CAPTURE CRITTERS, a franchise for a game you played passionately as a young'un. You may have come out here to start over as a simple farmer, but after taters, comics, piles and putting stuff off, VIDEO GAMES ain't ever gonna stop being your one true love. You are waiting for a NEW GAME to arrive at your dirtstep, and while you HIGHLY DOUBT it can entangle itself in your life the way those pocket monsters have, you're itchin' to join your friends in a round!…Yee-haw!

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[Hannah] Eat a 'tater.

0513.gifWhat 'tater?0514.gifYou may have a problem.[Hannah]: clean your room0515.gif[Hannah]: Investigate CD on the floor.0516.gifThis ain't no CD! This here is a one of kind, limited edition copy of the finest animated entertainment the sunny shores of Canada has to offer. Not to say that this show is hard to find or anything - it can and should be purchased for a relatively affordable 22.99 CDN at your favorite online video peddler. What makes this one special is who sent it - none other than your long time pal, Brian.This DVD was the second in a pair of gifts for you after a rather harrowing series of events that had you a little off kilter and in sore need of entertainment and nourishment. When it comes to helping his friends who are in trouble, Brian is simply the best there is.[Hannah]: Inspect massive fire hazard.0517.gifAnother thing to add to your list of things you love - these finely scented candles are wonderful. Not only do they cover up the musty scent of a live potato garden in your room, they also provide ample illumination for somebody who might have...forgotten to pay her electric bill lately.[Hannah]: Set Pokemon pile on fire with candles0518.gifBut you don't have a Pokemon pile! You used to, but these darn critters have managed to scamper themselves all about the room. You're gonna have to work hard to catch them all. Again.[Hannah]: You wanna be the very best0519.gif[Hannah]: like no one ever was0520.gif[Hannah]: To catch them is your real test0521.gif[Hannah]: To train them is your cause!0522.gif[Hannah]: Arrange Pokémon plushes into a pile0523.gifThere! That's more like it! It took a lot of walking through some rather tall shag carpet, but you managed to find and capture all of the little monsters in your area. You pile them proudly in a currently unoccupied space. Except one![Hannah]: cuddle clefairy0524.gifWhat's a Clefairy? Surely you don't mean your beloved PINKACHEW! Oh whose the cutest bestest little pink monster EVER?? Is it you? OH YES IT IS!You leave Pinkachew in it's honored position atop your beanbag recliner for quick access during emergency cuddlings.[Hannah]: Have a Pokemon party.0525.gifGOTTA BUY EM ALL, MARKETING![Hannah]: Recreate the great Squirtle-Tarakava war with your toys0526.gifThe TORTAIL-Tarakava war was settled by a young heroic Turtail who managed to convince a turncoat agent who had betrayed his kind for the Tarakava to renounce his new masters and return to them through the use of some very cool, and very special FX heavy ancient weapons. The two then managed to remove the infected mask of the Rahi's Empororer and returned peace to the galaxy. You mean ocean. You mean your bedroom floor, that one time you watched Star Wars while eating those week old fries....Good times.[Hannah]: Is that....Ashley Angel from O-Town?0527.gifTHE Ashley Angel from O-Town? From TV's gift to pop music and the world O-Town?! Wow. He's like Jesus and the Beatles rolled into ONE! You're so jealous that one of your great friends got to meet this cultural icon, but knowing how jealous you would be if there were any prolonged physical contact between said friend and the famed pop star, a promise was made that there would be no touching below the eyebrows. That's when...you learned the terrible truth.[Hannah]: He's a celebrity.0528.gifIt turns out that celebrities are completely hairless. They digitally add the eyebrows later to make sure they make the right facial expressions. You'd been DUPED! She can be so devious sometimes.[Hannah]: Find out where your microwave's power cord disappeared to0529.gifYour MICROWAVE's POWER CORD is, in all likelihood, still attached to your MICROWAVE in the MICROKITCHEN.[Hannah]: Microwave a potato.0530.gifWell, you never can go long without the sublime taste of starch tantalizing your tastebuds, but that said it's gonna be hard to follow that command without any electricity.[Hannah]: Microwave the Oddish.0531.gifNot MONDRAKE! What sort of madman could do such a thing to a cute little innocent plush critter.[Hannah]::::0532.gifYou wish you could whisk him away to the safety of a Sylladex.[Hannah]::::0533.gifSadly the MOOCH MODUS only allows you to swipe items already tucked away in somebody else's Sylladex.[Hannah]: Microwave.0533b.gifWhat in tarnation is this sudden fascination with tha MICROWAVE?? Ya ain't even in any sort of physical proximity to any device that could even be conceivably mistaken as a microwave! You're fixin' ta make a pact not to use one ever again if this here pesterin don't quit![Hannah]: Inspect red device that is definitely not a microwave.0534.gifWhat, you mean this here MOOCHIFIER 3000? Real piece of work, that. It's incredible really, even if it is something of an enabler for your crippling addiction to yoinking fries. It's the second gift Brian got for you after you moved out here...and you have no idea at all how it works. It sits independent of any power source. The viewscreen lets you see any location you desire, assuming you have the coordinates. Luckily he pre-programmed it with a few of your friend's locations, so all you have to do is press a button to see them on your screen. More importantly, it allows you to focus on any particularly delicious meals nearby and...borrow a few bites. You've tried to limit it's usage to desperate times. After all you came out here to be independent, din't ya?[Hannah]: stick your head in that microwave-looking device.0535.gifAre you...sure this is a good idea? Okeedokee hoss...[Hannah]::::0536.gifPredictably, it does nothing. It's a viewscreen, not a door!But you knew that. I mean who doesn't understand how a MOOCHIFIER works, honestly?

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  • 3 weeks later...

[Hannah]: Get ball pit and replace balls with potatoes

0549.gifNow THAT idea is a gud 'un! To the INTERNET![Hannah]::::0550.gifDownloading Latrice Royale's browser was either the best decision you ever made, or the GREATEST.[Hannah]: Don't get distracted.0551.gifYou fail to not get distracted. It looks like your sister from another mister is online, and you can't resist giving her a polite "howdy". Looks like the potato ball pit is just another rotting carcass in the tomb of things unfinished.[Hannah]: Pester CP.0552.gif

MoodyMensch (MM) began aggravating cardinalPuffin (CP) at 11:11 MSTMM: howdy!CP: why, hello, ehCP: what's all this abootMM: ain't nothinMM: figured i'd give y'all a hollerCP: you know I'm always down for thatCP: what're you up to these days out in Spudsville?MM: same ol' same olMM: livin the good lifeMM: one tater at a timeCP: man this talk of potatoes is refreshingCP: keep goingCP: it beats more game talkMM: like heck it does!CP: oh forMM: i got an itch and the only ointment is getting my game onCP: I don't think that's how skin worksMM: all this fresh country air done cured all else what ailes meMM: but sometimes a girl's gotta see her friends now and then, you know?MM: er, pardnerCP: shucks, I can't blame youCP: oh great, now I'm doing it, tooMM: doing whatCP: you knowCP: that twang thangCP: kinda sounds a little silly coming from a big-city CanadianCP: totally works for you, thoughCP: don't get me wrongMM: durn tootin'MM: idaho's my callinMM: bigMM: emptyMM: idahoCP: well, except for all the potatoesMM: can't be beatCP: well, y'know, if you ever need anything out there, just lemme knowCP: trust me, I'm good for itCP: hate to have you stuck out away from all civilizationMM: yeah MM: i wouldn't want to get you in trouble thoughMM: dig a hole for you, so to speakCP: oh, I don't think you could get me in any more troubleCP: just a little something to make amends for Eyebrowgate?MM: hrrrmMM: i guess >:|CP: like you wouldn't'veCP: but I guess I feel a -little- guiltyMM: look it's not like i can blame youMM: he IS like the beatles and jesus rolled into oneCP: pffftCP: he's betterMM: welpMM: time's a wastin'MM: you know these ranchesMM: always needing someone to poke around themMM: and some folks need a-feedin'CP: that's the most important part of allCP: I won't keep youCP: latersMM: adios

[Hannah]::::

0553b.gifHmph. It could've been YOU getting accepted into Ashley Angel from O-Town's Spring Break Dance Academy too, an official Scholar Dancer under the watchful tutelage of Professor Angel himself. Ain't your fault some people were more regionally-gifted than YOU.No touching below the eyebrows, your fanny.[Hannah]: Think about the French Fries Eating Monster.0553.gifYou try to think about the French Fries Eating Monster and fail because you're trying to be less self centered these days.DOHOHOHO![Hannah]: Move Onua to the Pokemon pile.0554.gifOnua? Don't you mean POHATU? You swear you must be losing it. Next you'll be mistaking a PINKACHEW for a KLETHAIRY or something ridiculous like that.[Hannah]::::0555.gifYou place Pohatu on the Lego Pile's pinnacle.[Hannah]: Take a whiff of them candles0556.gifMMMMMMMMMMMMM! !!![Hannah]: Leave room to go get more French Fries0557.gifCome on, you can't do that. You know how this works by now! You can't leave the room during the initial introduction sequence! At the very earliest you have to wait till the big climactic flash at the end where something shocking and revealing happens and then....[Hannah]::::0558.gifUh....[Hannah]::::0559.gifYou...enter the next room. Alright then.

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  • 2 weeks later...

[Hannah]:::: PETTHEPUPPY.0598b.gif

A domesticated DOG appears![Hannah]::::0598c.gif[Hannah]::::0599.gif[Hannah]::::0599b.gif

The DOG used CHARGE![Hannah]::::0600.gif[Hannah]::::0601.gif[Hannah]::::0602.gif

OH[Hannah]::::0603.gif

OH MY[Hannah]::::0604.gif

OH MY GOODNESS[Hannah]:::: Pet your dog, French Fries0586.gifYour darling POMMES-FRITES bounds around the kitchen like red-pajamered rodeo clown in an attempt to corral your attention.It's super-effective![Hannah]::::0564.gifHis cute little BATTLE ENGAGEMENT FAKEOUT his way of trying to say that he's plumb famished. Time for a snackaroo![Hannah]:::: inspect dog food for any assassination attempts.0564b.gifYou sniff around, meticulously inspecting each kibble and every bit. Just to be safe, you pop in a handful.[Hannah]:::: Pour that dog food.0565.gifOnly the best![Hannah]:::: Inspect Moochifier0566.gif

What Moochifier?[Hannah]:::: Inspect Moochifier looking device0567.gif

T'aint no Moochifier! This here's yer run-of-the-mill regular-style MICROWAVE. Not much good for mooching, only good for superheating the reaped spoils to a gummy, starchy stick.

[Hannah]:::: Microwave your beloved dog.0568.gif

No.[Hannah]::::0568b.gifGAME OVER

Edited by LehvakLah
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[Hannah]::::0568c.gif[Hannah]: Try Again0568d.gif

Alright, you get one last shot.

You very carefully remember NOT to be so reckless with beloved family pets. You promise to never suggest they be put in microwaves, even if they've been sent back in time in a block of ice. Don't push your luck!

[Hannah]: Investigate slightly oversized stapler0570.gif

You can't remember exactly who you mooched this neat office supply from.

You mean found. It sure does come in handy though!Hannah]: Give stapler to dog. Run.0571.gif[Hannah]::::0572.gif

Go long, fella![Hannah]::::0573.gif[Hannah]: Staple all the things.0574.gif

Eh....maybe later. You're gonna let Pommes keep the stapler for now.[Hannah]: Examine fridge drawings.0575.gif

Portraits, not drawings. Your artwork has graduated from fridge status - it's been a hard fight, but it managed to soar from the rank of MOMMY'S PRIDE to I'M IN LOUVRE in these last few years. You've hung some of it proudly over your art table over there to remind yourself of what you can achieve when you stop vegetating and actually do it - and sometimes it even works! You firmly believe in the importance of drawing from life. Lucky you, to be graced with such perfect subject matter!

[Hannah]: See what's in the fridge.0576.gif

You do declare you're feeling a might bit peckish. Let's see what's in the ol' icebox...[Hannah]::::0577.gif[Hannah]::::0578.gif[Hannah]::::0580.gif[Hannah]::::0581.gif[Hannah]::::0582.gif[Hannah]::::0583.gif

Yeah... probably a good idea to get away from that fridge. You guess you shouldn't leave food in there when you don't have electricity.[Hannah]: Investigate the stack of... something on the kitchen counter.0584.gifAh, your FRIED POTATO CUTTINGS RACK. Any Starchophillic expert would be a fool not to have one - it allows you to store your most exquisite vintages all together. Ooh... a classic bag of Pepsicolay's fresh, salty Pomme De Terre. Looks like this bag is from '97... a good year![Hannah]::::0585.gif

Mmm. You must delicately waft the aroma. Drink it in.

Oh...that's intoxicating. A crisp, well-balanced nose, enhanced by saline notes and an earthy texture. Playful ridges add just the right amount of complexity to an otherwise classic body. Your refined palate even detects that overwhelmingly subtle hint of sodium, no doubt the key behind that spectacular aging.

You feel a stirring. A deep need in your soul to express the beauty of this finely crafted snackfood in some kind of physical form.

[Hannah]: Clean the dishes.0587.gif

...Not that physical form. Woof.

You're not 100% sure those dishes aren't going anywhere on their own, but you can worry about that later. Or never. Instead you mosey on over to your table.[Hannah]: Use the Force to correct table posture.0588.gif

Come on, you are no Jedi knight - what do you look like, a Tortail??

Besides, this is clearly the correct posture for an PLANE OF ARTISTIC UTILIZATION anyway. But hey, you'll give anything a try once.[Hannah]::::0589.gif

You picked this little trick up from a good friend. One who really knows all about this Star Force business.[Hannah]::::0590.gif[Hannah]::::0591.gif

Aack! You do not have the FORCETUDE to alter this table's arrangement.

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  • 2 weeks later...

[Hannah]: Admire the Chikorita poster0592.gifIt's BEELAFF! Your SPIRIT CRITTER, according to the internet! She has yet to appear before you and dispense any sort of fragrant guidance as you travel along your path to SPUDVILLE, but you're pretty sure that's what she'd advise you to do anyway.[Hannah]: Draw something on the table.0593.gifThe table is not a paper![Hannah]: Wait is that the female version of Ronald McDonald!?ketchuppile.pngOoooooh Ma-NIL-la.

You lovingly admire the haute couture of your dreams and wish you wish you looked this sizzling. Deep down, you think you could werq it.[Hannah]: Remember how you got Mr. Potato Head.0595.gifThe starched example of a gentleman stands proudly in your hallway, guarding the passageway from all with his enormous eyes. He manages to strike a visage that's imposing and maybe just the littlest bit handsome. At least he does now that you got Pommes to stop chewing on him. He's your spud to chew on and yours alone![Hannah]: Try to turn the Mr. Potato Head into a French Fry.0596.gifWow...this is possibly the worst french fry you've ever had! You take a few more bites anyway though.[Hannah]: Investigate pile of Doritos0597.gifOnly half of this pile is Doritos. The other half is those theme-denoting corners you could clip from old Lego instructions. You try not to get your triangular treasures mixed up with your dinner![Hannah]: Wield PILLOW/STAPLER/DISHES/SPATULA!0598.gifYou can't wield anything right now! You've never found the need to equip a TOOL. You uh...tend to skedaddle when things get hairy. But you suppose there ain't no harm in putting any old thing in it. It's not like it's going to really be relevant to you out here alone with your pooch.

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As our intrepid readers may or may not have noticed, a new poll has been added to The Discussion topic! We're trying a new way to let you guys interact with the comic; although the commands are still very much encouraged, you can also directly choose things with your vote! Although this first choice isn't a huge one, I also promise you're gonna see some deeper story decisions up there as well. So without further adieu - your choices!

[ONE]: Pillowkindpollpillow.gifSure, a pillow isn't good for much except a good nature pillow fight, but notice that special stat? Sure, a pillowcase full of feathers will just leave your opponents sneezing, but fill it with bricks and suddenly they've got a whole different set of problems.[TWO]: Staplerkindpollstapler.gifYou know this is a weapon that will make you say "Yowch!" The projectiles aren't gonna hurt much individually, but you bet a backside full of staples isn't gonna feel good![THREE]: Platekindpollplate.gifSay, what's that smell? When were these dishes washed anyway??? If the smell doesn't know your foes out, the ceramic crashing on your head certainly will. Too bad these things are no good once you've run out.[FOUR]: Spatulakindpollspatula.gifNow this is a weapon that would make a frycook proud! Sure, it's not the strongest or the most powerful, but anyone who sees you wielding this will know the user is a serious fried food fanatic.

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Latest Update: STORM AND SAND

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  • 2 weeks later...

[Hannah]: Bind your Strife Modus to Taterkind.0636.gifNo no, you thought of that, but then the Tool Cache would just snap up your potatoes before you could get them to your mouth. There has to be something better. You briefly consider some of the objects around your house...[Hannah]: Forget all else. Your frien- I mean, potatoes need you!0637.gifOf course. You know what to do.[Hannah]: Weild item of utmost power0638.gifYou know you've made the right choice

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[Hannah]: Lose interest in southern twang and never speak of it again0537.gifOh but y'all could never do that![Hannah]: Step into the clotheset0538.gifYou step inside the clotheset, a position extremely comfortable to any self-respecting, cattle steering, spit hawkin, wrangler wearing cowpoke such as yourself.[Hannah]: Don the hat. Be the cowgirl.0539.gifYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE[Hannah]::::0540.gifHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA[Hannah]::::0540a.gifHAAAAAAAAAAAaaaooooooo are you kidding.[Hannah]::::0541.gifYou're no cowpoke.[Hannah]::::0542.gifJust a city slicker.[Hannah]::::0543.gifOnly here because you chose to run away.[Hannah]::::0544.gifForced to run because of your own choices.[Hannah]::::0545c.gifHe was so angry.[Hannah]::::0546.gifYou had a hard time forgiving him. And worse.[Hannah]::::0547.gifHe's never forgiven himself.

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  • 2 weeks later...

[Hannah]: Pick up your room!0605.gifYou've gone and upset yourself again. No way you can get chores done in this state. You need to unwind a little.[Hannah]: Doodle0606.gifThat's a command you can follow. You start up a comic about some great adventures you had on a trip long ago. Happier times.[Hannah]::::0607.gifOh....[Hannah]::::0608.gifSpeak of the devil.You don't really want to talk to him right now.[Hannah]::::0609.gif[Hannah]::::0610.gifOh, who are you kidding. You oblige the musical goofball.

GlamGuitarist began pestering MoochyMensch at 11:17 PM MSTGG: OH MY GODDDDGG: I'm listening to Led Zeppelin's fourth album on vinyl and oh my godddddGG: it's too goodGG: it's too good to be realGG: :(MM: good things can be realGG: but it's just impossibly greatGG: it's so rock and rollGG: and it's hard, it's so hardGG: but it's also vauntedGG: it takes the blues and rock and roll and lays them out with the pounding bonzo beats and jimmy's overdriven sustainGG: but it takes them somewhereGG: it takes them to new places, this galvanized, electric voice, it takes all the things that came before and says "but is it art?"GG: and it takes the core of what drives the blues and rock and roll, which is feelingGG: and it makes the whole record about that, even when it's nonsensical feeling, because nonsensical feelings are real feelings tooGG: so often when you turn ont he fuzzbox or the OD, that core gets lost; it's so easy to lose that emotional core when you're plucking the screaming leadlinesGG: #### you could even argue that Zeppelin lost track of it sometimes, too, in some of their excesses. I think that'd be valid to argueGG: but not here, not in these tracksGG: the whole structure of the album is built to accentuate the moods, the build up to something, quiet down, and then build up again, to a different feelingGG: I think so many people get so caught up in Led Zeppelin's image that they forget what made the band so great, which was that they really were all virtuosos - they really were all artistsGG: "hard"/heavy rock is very often a very dumb genre. Most of the time, even. As much fun as it can be despite that.GG: but it never had to beMM: *nodnod*GG: much of this record is very, very heavy (though not all of it; there's a lot of textural variety and even textural variety among the heavy songs), but it's not dumb at allGG: things like thisGG: things like this make everything worthwhileGG: this, these things, things like this, that's justification for being aliveGG: and alsoGG: justification to createGG: and yeah im just talking your ear off by this point, and also i'm crying to this guitar solo, i guess that's the point iw as trying to make, sorry!!??? :X

[Hannah]::::0611d.gif0611e.gifNot a whole lot has changed![Hannah]::::0611b.gifLet's see what that goofball's doing.[Hannah]::::0611c.gifOh dear. He's found the moonshine. No wonder he's so jived!What a dork!

MM: coolMM: super coolGG: anywayGG: what's upMM: same oldMM: i'm drawing this comicMM: about pigeonsMM: maybe you've heard of itGG: I'm trying to think of a pun involving pigeonsGG: something to really annoy youMM: D:<GG: BTGG: how aboutGG: uhGG: ######GG: i'm all dried up hereMM: goodGG: it's absolute horseFEATHERS that i can't come up with any good punsGG: it's really bringing me DOWNMM: goddddGG: I can't think of a single joke that could take FLIGHTMM: i'm leavingGG: all right see this is just you pigeonholing me on account of my humourGG: <---- I DID ITMM: goodbyeGG: :(GG: don't be like that doggGG: can I see the comic??

[Hannah]: Finish that comic!0612.gifRight. Now that you've started this comic you can't let your momentum stop. A thousand unfinished projects are testament to that.

MM: it's not done yetGG: godddGG: i guessGG: maybveGG: I deserve it for all t he awful punsGG: that'll be my.............................................GG: wait for itGG: PUNishmentMM: D<GG: <3GG: (they weren't awful at all they were totallya wesome)MM: i'm going for realGG: mann :(GG: sorryMM: yeah yeah yeah yeahGG: i guess I've got to go too, ray wants me to play this bloody gameGG: you should play too; are you playing?GG: (please play)MM: yesGG: (you can play for me)MM: noooMM: play for yourselfGG: bro you know how i am about them video gamesGG: you know I am THE WORSTMM: wellMM: get your rear in gearGG: godddGG: miss cranky tonightMM: yeah see comics don't draw themselvesGG: okay i'm sorryMM: miss hassled tonight!GG: wellGG: i'd say show the comic to me when you finish but you'll totally REFUSE because you're totally LIKE THAT >:[GG: so i'm gonna suggest you show it to rayGG: you guys are comic bros like thatMM: natchGG: (that was I can get him tos how it to me)GG:;)GG: but okay fine ifne i'll stop distracting youGG: byyyeee, good luck witht he comic etc etc etc, your comics are the ####, ok byeMM: catch you later

[Hannah]::::0613.gifWait.[Hannah]: French fry senses...tingling!0614.gif[Hannah]: Search0615.gif

Come on you beauties, come on....THERE![Hannah]: Inspect Potato0616.gif

MM: btwMM: are you going to eat those?GG: man i ain't even got any fries, man!!!!GG: not one! i swear!!GG: they keep DISAPPEARING whenever i make 'emMM: dang : (GG: i think my room-mate keeps santching themGG: snatching*MM: i bet;)GG: you know how he isGG: he's always looking to put things in his mouthMM: i knowMM: is that like a household thingGG: hn?GG: ohGG: HEY D:<MM: ;)MM: ;);)

[Hannah]: Resist the urge.0617.gifNo! You mustn't! Control yourself Hannah! Isn't this the entire reason you're in this mess??? but...So....delicious....and it's been so long since you've been able to cook your own....[Hannah]: Fail to resist the urge.0618.gif

GG: (never change)GG: peaceMM: lllaterglamGuitarist ceased aggrivating moochyMensch

[Hannah]::::0619.gifThey probably won't even notice.

[Hannah]::::0620.gifElsewhere, a canine nose raises itself at the sudden influx of a delicious aroma[Hannah]::::0621.gif[Hannah]::::0622b.gif[Hannah]::::0623.gif[Hannah]::::0624.gifNo Pommes! Down boy!Looks like somebody has to go outside!![Hannah]: Put that dog on a bun and eat it!0625.gifOrdinarily such a flagrant suggestion to harm your dear sweet Pommes would result in the despised 2X GAME OVER COMBO, NO CONTINUES EDITION, but luckily for everyone you're too busy thinking about those fries to worry about bustin some punks.[Hannah]::::0625b.gifYou return to your now darkened room.Man you wish you had some windows in here![Hannah]: Create artistic perfection.0626.gifYou prepare yourself to finish this latest confounded comic while you savor the cattle-brandin good flavor of a deep fried potato slice, as perfected by the French. This? This is heaven.[Hannah]: Say...this seems...familiar0218.gifWe've been to this darkened room before.So if we've settled the mystery of one silhouetted friend...[???]: What of the other?0627.gif

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[???]::::0628.gif[???]: Reveal yourself.0629.gifYou oblige, but only out of a mix of boredom and frustration. You have been staring at these screens for hours. Watching. Waiting. These people have raised procrastination to an art form. It seems they can do nothing but squander your precious time with pointless hijinx and mind numbing interpersonal drama.[???]: Name?

0630.gifYou make a point not to give out your name. Safer that way.Your friends call you Bulltop.Your enemies do too.Honestly, you are having a hard time discerning which is which anymore.[bulltop]::::0631.gifMaybe you need some time away from the monitors. What should you do?

Edited by InnerRayg

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Latest Update: STORM AND SAND

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[bulltop]: Turn on the lights! 0639.gifYour splitting headache says no to that idea. You plan to leave them off until the sweaty construction workers who have decided they need to break ground in your brain stop jackhammering away and call it a night.[bulltop]: Quickly retrieve arms from crates0640.gifYour arms are right here.Your manly, bulging, freakishly strong arms.[bulltop]: Pull that tempting lever next to the steering wheel0640b.gifWhy? You've got nowhere to go.[bulltop]::::0641.gifThis entire mechanism is as useless to you as the number 2 in binary.[bulltop]: Rip steering wheel off the wall.0642.gifCompletely useless.[bulltop]: HOLY ####!!0643.gif!!!!!!!![bulltop]: Remember why everyone calls you 'Bulltop.'0644.gifThey call you that because there would be serious consequences for calling you anything else. As an overly aggressive hulk of a man, You are relatively certain there is no chance anyone would even consider using another name to refer to you.Oops. Your old tattoo is showing.[bulltop]::::0645.gifHey, everyone makes mistakes.[bulltop]: Repair guitar0646.gifAnd this is another one.You've been trying to fix it for a long time.You've been trying to fix all of it.But it's a lot easier to break things then it is to put them back together.[bulltop]: Do nothing of consequence0647.gifUsually you are too stubborn to quit. Still, you have been worn down more and more lately. Maybe it's time to sit down...crack open a cold one...and squander more time watching your friends procrastinate.[bulltop]: Squander more time0632.gifUnfortunately, your attempts to squander more time have been foiled. An interloper has appeared.The Larcenous Warden demands an audience.[bulltop]::::0633.gifIs....is it trying to smile?That is incredibly disturbing.and if he's happy, that means somebody else is about to be very unhappy.

Edited by InnerRayg

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Latest Update: STORM AND SAND

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[bulltop]: Speak to this man of the really important things. You know, those things.0648.gifMan? This isn't a man. It's nothing but another disgusting abomination. But if he's here he probably does have something important to say. Or he just wants to stroke his own ego and pretend he's superior to humans. You steel yourself for another tirade when the thing lets you know he's not here to tell you how inferior mankind is for once. Well, okay maybe a little but mostly he just wants to acknowledge your contribution to their latest project. Sure, he did all the tough work building the device, but even he...it...has to admit the software you programmed for the machine is running well. In fact he's absolutely astounded at what such an underevolved ape was able to accomplish - it's nothing short of miraculous, like a chimp with a typewriter drafting up a riveting bardic tale unbidden. Really. No human sarcasm. Not even a little.You let him know you would never accuse him of trying to be human. You assure him he's far too grotesque to ever succeed. You tell him that was human sarcasm.He says ha. ha. human freaking ha.[bulltop]::::0649.gif0649b.gifAs it turns out the Warden suddenly has a lot more to say about humans and their failings. He wants to make sure it is clear your programming skills are not within a galactic radii of his. Of course he could have programmed the HACCINE - he was compiling data when your pitiful species was struggling to crawl out of the ocean. He was just practicing a little xenocharity to make sure you weren't bored. He thinks you really are lucky to have such a selfless BENEFACTOR.For a creepy, amorphous freak without a mouth this guy sure likes to talk a lot.[batknopfler]: Assert Your Authority over this Ruffian0650.gifYou're so sick of this thing running its nasty breathing slits. He would never have even gotten into THE HUB without your help, and he knows it![buttlop]::::0651.gifHey Warden.[buttlop]::::0652.gifLet's see your amazing alien programming skills get you out of this one.[buttlop]::::0653.gif0654.gif0655.gifPoseur

Edited by InnerRayg

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Latest Update: STORM AND SAND

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[bulltop]: Figure out a new purpose for your existence.0656.gifNo need. Your old purpose is just fine. As terrible as those freaks are, you don't think you can get this done without them. Just like your friends. And slow as they are, you know in the end they'll do what's needed.There will be serious consequences if they don't.[bulltop]: Dance for us, puppet!0657.gifYou don't...do not dance. You are no puppet.You are the one pulling the strings.[bulltop]::::0657b.gifAnd as a puppetmaster, it's time for you to start tugging on some cords. You've been nudging things along for some time - like when this girl woke up from a terrible nightmare and needed somebody to comfort her. And to keep her from doing something foolish like telling other people about it. What are friends for, after all?And now another opportunity has presented itself.[bulltop]: Aggravate Ray while he is about to leave into space.0657c.gifYou know you'll save yourself and him a lot of headache if you stop him from doing something as ridiculous as calling emergency services while his house burns down instead of using a videogame to stop it like a sensible person.[bulltop]: Ride the broken guitar like a horse and play pretend cowboy0658.gifNo.You know what? You are officially done being commanded. Everyone is banned from telling you what to do.

Edited by InnerRayg

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Latest Update: STORM AND SAND

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