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Toy Wars

The battle begins...

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#1 Offline Toarobot18

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Posted Feb 21 2012 - 10:42 PM

Toy Wars

Rewritten in Technicolor!

Welcome again to Toy Wars! According to the original topic, this was my 383 posts special!This Comedy follows the adventures and battles between many toys in an abandoned mansion, though it primarily focuses on the experiences of the Bionicle sets. There will be an emphasis on reader interactability through guest stars, although you may have to wait a bit while I republish the old chapters.Guest star form:

What toy are you? (Preferably humanoid, or a toy animal/robot/alien of some sort. So no bouncy balls!):Your name:What are your goals for your future household empire?:Who would you like to ally with? (This doesn't mean it's going to work out.):Any rules, laws, standards, or traditions within your army?:

I will choose the kinds of toys your army consists of, based on the above and the comedy's current needs. The number of toys will be determined by how powerful the toys I choose for you are. You may last though out the entire comedy, or you just might be killed by teddy bears in your first chapter. If you die, you may start a new group, but it must be different then your previous one.In the beginning...Commander Nocturne stood over his troops. Far across the main living room, the Bionicle sets had gathered. This was the moment they had been planning for days. Their tactics, enemies, new allies, and future plans were to be announced. Banners made out of the front images from Bionicle instruction booklets were mounted on toothpicks, which had been stuck into the couch around Nocturne. The word BIONICLE stood proudly on each one. Around the troops, large wooden building blocks served as walls, protecting the room from the hallway, dining room, and stairs. Nocturne stood up and began his speech:Nocturne: BIONICLE sets, large and small: we gather here as the Living Room Bionicle Nation, the greatest of all the Bionicle and Lego organizations in this house. We have the most troops, the largest fortress, and the best-Tahu Mata 1: Yeah, yeah, get on with it. What's the point?Nocturne: Have him disassembled!Tahu Mata 1: NOOOOOOOO...(Authors note: disassembling a set “kills” it, when reconstructed it has a new mind and personality. You could also use the pieces to make MOCs...)(Three Rashki take the Tahu Mata underneath the couch.)Nocturne: Now where was I? Oh yes, we have the best leader, and the best location. The time is ripe. However, the upstairs Playmobil encampment is well located as well. At the top of the stairs. That alone makes it easy to defend. However, there is something that makes it far worse. Only my top secret spy, whose name you will never know, can tell you the details! Kopaka Phantoka!Kopaka Phantoka: Yes?Nocturne: Tell us what you learned.Kopaka Phantoka: They have a large defense system which consists of one of those weird things where you pump the handle and it squirts water. Only it doesn't squirt water, it squirts some strange liquid that they took from the kitchen. And... (now here's the dangerous part) when you pump it, and place a candle in front of it, flames come out! I've seen them testing it. It's terrible! It melts plastic!(The Bionicle sets shriek in horror.)Kopaka Phantoka: They've put down some metal foil on the stairs so that it won't set the universe on fire, but it'll still burn us!All troops: OH NO!Nocturne: But don't be alarmed, I'll let those with larger amounts of armor go first.Axonn: I think those with less armor should go first, since they're less useful, and it doesn't really matter if they get killed.Kopaka Mata 1: The ones without armor are the braver ones.Axonn: Yes, your the bravest of us all... <_<Nocturne: Yes, I am. Now, here is the reason we must attack this base. The Northern Playmobil Federation is getting too powerful. New Playmobil figures join every day, and they're increasing their training by the minute. If our Bionicle organization wants to succeed in our quest, then we must strike now, before it's too late! Volunteers?……All troops: :rolleyes:Nocturne: OK, I choose Axonn and Kopaka Mata 1, and both of them will choose ten people to come with them, and each of those people will choose ten more people to come as well.Axonn: But that's all our troops!Nocturne: Off topic! Kopaka, Axonn, take your picks. After everybody has chosen, the chosen people will gather here again.(People choose.)(Everybody "gathers.")Nocturne: Now wasn't that fair? I'm such a good leader. I let the people choose. Now, prepare for battle! We leave in one hour.…(In the corner, hiding behind a lamp.)Melissa: (In a girly voice.) Hey Anna, we're gunna get those boys, aren't we?Anna: Yep. (She giggles.) They'll leave the base unguarded, and we'll sneak in, and the barbies will, like, rule! This fortress will be, like, ours!Melissa: (Whilst giggling.) Wow, those dumb boys will never see us coming! And wait 'till Ken here's the plan! It's like, so cool!Anna: I can't wait to see those Bionicle banners replaced with our Barbie flags!Melissa: Victory will, like, totally be ours!...One hour, six minutes later, Colonel Kardas stood at the bottom of the stairs:Colonel Kardas: This is it, Bionicles, it is time! We march up the stairs!Gali Mistika 1: Why are you leading us, not Commander Nocturne? Where is he?Colonel Kardas: He's still back at the base. He said he was too busy to come, and that I could lead the troops.Gali Mistika 1: Uh huh. :sarcastic:Colonel Kardas: Forward, MARCH! Err, I mean, forward, CLIMB!(The Bionicle sets begin climbing the stairs, standing on top of each other to help each other up.)…At the top of the stairs:Playmobil General: The monsters are attacking! Prepare the great cannon!Playmobil Pirate: Yes, sir!Playmobil Construction Worker: Sir, they're in range!Playmobil General: Pump!Playmobil Police Officers and Construction Worker: Ready!Playmobil General: Light the flame!Playmobil Police Officer: Lit!Playmobil General: Aim for the big dragon!Playmobil Pirate: Check!Playmobil General: Fire!…(Half-way up the foil-covered stairs, flames shoot out at the Bionicle sets.)Colonel Kardas: AH! The heat! I'm melting! Melting! I'm meltinnnnnnngg...Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: Charge you idiotic sets! It's just flames! (He runs as fast as he can down the stairs.)Second Lieutenant Carapar: I guess that leaves me in charge! Attack! You know if you retreat now, Nocturne will have you taken apart anyway! Victory or death!(Dramatic Star Wars music plays.)…At the Living Room Bionicle Nation base:Nocturne: (Sitting alone on the couch, on his paper plate “throne.”) Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-day. My, oh my, what a wonderful day...(Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka walks in.)Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: Hi.Nocturne: Hi. I was just, ah, entertaining myself.Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: I see.Nocturne: What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the battle!Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: I fled.Nocturne: FLED!?Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: Well, I really didn't want to die, and they were aiming for the leaders!Nocturne: Good leaders would die for their country!Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: I guess you're not a good leader either then. I didn't see you on the field!Nocturne: Rahkshi! Have this fool disassembled!…Nocturne: WHAT DID I SAY!?Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: The pity. Looks like you sent them away to fight too.Nocturne: What?! No gaurds!Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: What a concept. I think you've been leader long enough! How many people did you take apart to build that private suite of yours? You're cruel, stupid, and a bunch of other things that Toarobot18 can't say on BZP. And you know what, I think I found a perfect replacement!(Pohatu raises up a plastic “drill.”)Nocturne: No, no, no, spare me! I never took you apart, did I?Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: Yeah, 'cause your Rahkshi weren't here! You'd make a nice addition to the back wall of my-Ken: My suite. Girls, let's take those flags down!(200 barbies march up.)Ken: This fortress is ours!Barbies: Barbie! Barbie! Barbie! Barbie! Barbie!Nocturne: NOOOOOOOOOO!Word count: 1174

Edited by Toarobot18, Jul 03 2012 - 05:26 PM.

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And please also enjoy my other fine comedies:
The Bionicle Entrepreneur - Nuva Join the Navy - Toy Wars - A Comedy of Comics

#2 Offline Toarobot18

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Posted Feb 22 2012 - 12:05 PM

Nocturne: NOOOOOOOOOO!Ken: Nocturne, your reign is over. Barbies, take him to the dressing room.Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: Why have you done this? We were no threat to you!Ken: 'Cause my girls wanted a nice, new fortress. And this fits just right. ;) Hannah, that flag isn't strait. Becky, make the words “Barbie” more visible please. Oh, and Samantha, please change your shirt. That one looks like a G.I. Joe's shirt! Wear something more Barbiesh!Samantha: It looks like a G.I. Joe shirt because it is. I stole it from one of them when we took over their base last summer.Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: You took over their base too? How many bases have you taken?Ken: Oh, I don't know. Fifty? One hundred?Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: What do you do with all of them?Ken: Oh, well, we only have one at a time. We get a new one every season when the girls want to try out a new style.Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: What did you do with your last one?Ken: Oh, just a little toilet cleaner there and a little bug killer here, and we eroded the whole thing.Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: Unfortunate, 'cause when our troops come back from the battle, your going to need that one back again.Ken: They won't. Your puny pieces of plastic will be destroyed. Your troops are no match for the Playmo--Bionicle Troops: VICTORY! :biorules: (About half of the troops sent into the battle come marching in, some slightly melted, holding the Playmobil flag.)Bionicle Troops: ALL HAIL NOCTURNE! ALL HAIL NOCTURNE!Bionicle Soldier: Hey, why are all those Barbie flags all over the place?Ken: (Stepping to the edge of the couch, in view of the Bionicle Troops.) Alright, so do you want the good news, or the bad news?Bionicle Troops: Bad news.Ken: OK. We took over your fortress, we're not giving it back, your leader is captured, and you'll all be destroyed.Bionicle Troops: ATTACK! For victory, for glory, for our fortress back!Ken: Don't you want the good news?(He gets hit by a zamor sphere, is knocked off the couch, and falls into the angry Bionicle troops.)Ken: Um... hi! :bigsmile: Vorox 1: Destroy him!Ken: Barbies! We're under attack!(Ken is knocked unconscious by the swarms of Bionicles.)Barbie: They, like, shot our Ken.Barbies: ATTAAACK!Rahkshi Kurahk 1: Ah! They don't come apart! They're all stuck together! I can't tear their pieces off! And their Nuva armor won't-(Kurahk 1 is knocked out by an angry Barbie.)MOC Of Dragon: Ha! I was built by Nocturne to destroy, and destroy I will!(The MOC raises up a gigantic claw made up of several unfortunate Bionicles.)Hannah: Oh? Hey Samantha! There's a guy over there who says he's gonna crush me!Samantha: L.O.L.! He's soo cute!MOC Of Dragon: AHHHHRGH! (He steps on both of them.) Ha! So much for them!Hannah: Oooo, nice massage. Just a little weight feels, like, so good on, like, my back!MOC Of Dragon: Nooo! Dead toys can't speak!Samantha: Well, I guess you'll have to use sign language. Or like, write or something. Let's count his parts, one by one girls!(A bunch of Barbies begin to take him apart!)MOC Of Dragon: Could you at least do the head first?!(The Barbies begin to take apart the head of the struggling MOC.)Scrap that! Start with the feet!(The Barbies begin on the feet.)No, never mind! Start with the tail! Or hands! Or--Jenna: Let's keep with head first plan! That way he can, like, stop the babbling!In another part of the battle...Kopaka Mata 1: We're losing!Kohrak-Kal 1: Barbies are flammable! We could go back to the Playmobil fort we captured, and if they attack, use the flame-spurter!Kopaka Mata 2: I'll tell as many people as I can! (Kopaka Mata 2 goes off to tell others.)Kopaka Mata 2: Hey you there! Retrea-*Plunk.* (Kopaka Mata 2 gets his head pulled off by a Barbie.)Nui-Jaga: Got it. Everybody! Retunk! Retunk!Random Barbie: Weirdos.Nui-Rama: OK, everybody! We have to Retank!(More Barbies run forward.)Takanuva '08: I'll spread the word! Re-rank! Re-rank!Rahkshi Lehrahk 1: (In loud, booming voice.) ATTENTION! Everybody, form ranks!(All Bionicle sets stop fighting and line up.)Random Mctoran: OK... I'm kinda in the middle of a fight right now, and can't spare time to--*Snap.*Rahkshi Lehrahk 1: Why are we doing this?Ken: (Standing up.) I see you've all lined up for surrender. Good. Drop your weapons:Rahkshi Lehrahk 1: We were lined up for surrender?Takanuva '08: I don't know, a Nui-Rama told me.Rahkshi Lehrahk 1: OK... We surrender, I guess. :giveup: Ken: Correct guess! Drop your weapons!(The Bionicle sets drop their weapons.)Don't worry, we take good care of the furniture, don't we, gals?Barbies: Yeah!Takanuva '08: Furniture?…Elsewhere in the house, a race of strange toys called “U. B. Funkeys”* marches up the stairs from the basement into the kitchen.(*If you haven't heard of these, neither had I. They're Gladoxia's guest stars, and if you want to see how funky they look you'll have to do what I did, which was Google them.)Sprokle: (A robotic-looking funkey.) Attention Funkeys! We must stop here. I seem to detect loud noises!Glub: I hear (slurp) it tooooo! (He makes a bubbling sound.) It's louwoood! I smell battle!Sprokle: Exactly. The status of these sounds seem to detect that the fighting is over. However, I must send a scout. Snitch! I mean, Stitch! Go spy on them!Stitch: … (He nods.)…(Stitch approaches the Bionicle Barbie fortress, and walks slowly into the crowd!)Clara: Oh my god! What is that thing! :o Leah: Ugh! That's, like, creepy! Ken, could you, like, get rid of that thing?Stitch: … (Glaring.)Ken: Hey, that thing's funky! It'd make a great room decoration! Does it have batteries? I could take them out and...Becky: Ken, uh, I think we'd prefer if you, like, got it away. Now.Ken: Hey, whatever you say gals! (Ken goes over to attack Stitch.)(Ken kicks at Stitch.)Ow. It's plastic. I was hoping for something... more flexible... to absorb impact. Not that it hurt at all, it just, um... never mind.Samantha: Ken!Ken: What?Samantha: Remember your side of the deal? The part where you are really normal for a day, and don't try to impress us, if I let you--Ken: Oh, sorry.Samantha: Then get rid of that cree-- hey! Where'd it go?...

Edited by Toarobot18, Jul 04 2012 - 12:38 AM.

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And please also enjoy my other fine comedies:
The Bionicle Entrepreneur - Nuva Join the Navy - Toy Wars - A Comedy of Comics

#3 Offline Toarobot18

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Posted Feb 23 2012 - 04:43 PM

Sprokle: Well? Were there toys there?Stitch: … (Nods.)Sprokle: Did they act hostile?Stitch: … (Nods.)Sprokle: Were there signs of a previous battle?Stitch: … (Nods.)Sprokle: Was there more than one kind of toy there?Stitch: … (Nods.)Sprokle: Can you do anything but nod? Stitch: …(Nods.)Sprokle: As they were hostile, I think we have the go-ahead--G.I. Joe: Don't move!Sprokle: Wha-- quick, Drift! Get the mouse--G.I. Joe: Mice are useless against G.I. Joes! :sneaky: (He pulls out a plastic toy handgun.)Sprokle: What do you want?G.I. Joe: Obedience.Sprokle: Hey, look, a flying toaster!G.I. Joe: Where?(The G.I. Joe gets hit by a computer mouse, swung at his head by Drift.)G.I. Joe: Man down...(He falls unconscious.)Sprokle: Wow, the great weapons we get from that completely useless machine never stop coming! (He points to a computer, which has its screen broken, its mouse missing, and its keyboard torn apart. The computer tower itself has a giant hole in the side.)G.I. General: Well, well, well, what do we have here? One of our boys, unconscious, and a bunch of stiff plastic bobbled headed bullies.Sprokle: Where? I don't see any bullies! Oh, there. (He looks around, seeing a ton of G.I. Joes surrounding the Funkeys.)G.I. General: I will now test your intelligence, using the standard G.I. method, to see if you could be of future use to us. Or not. Recite Pi.Sprokle: Oh, I like pie. Cherry is red, and looks so funky, and lemon is cool, and looks like--G.I. General: Fail. :no: You?Stitch:G. I. General: Also fail. I.Q. rating for this species: zero. Correct answer: Pi =3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510 58209 74944 59230 78164 06286 20899 86280 34825 34211 70679 82148 08651 32823 06647 09384 46095 50582 23172 53594 08128 48111 74502 84102 70193 85211 05559 64462 29489 54930 38196 44288 10975 66593 34461 28475 64823 37867 83165 27120 19091 45648 56692 34603 48610 45432 66482 13393 60726 02491 41273 72458 70066 06315 58817 48815 20920 96282 92540 91715 36436 78925 90360 01133 05305 48820 46652 13841 46951 94151 16094 33057 27036 57595 91953 09218 61173 81932 61179 31051 18548 07446 23799 62749 56735 18857 52724 89122 79381 83011 94912 98336 73362 44065 66430 86021 39494 63952 24737 19070 21798 60943 70277 05392 17176 29317 67523 84674 81846 76694 05132 00056 81271 45263 56082 77857 71342 75778 96091 73637 17872 14684 40901 22495 34301 46549 58537 10507 92279 68925 89235 42019 95611 21290 21960 86403 44181 59813 62977 47713 09960 51870 72113 49999 99837 29780 49951 05973 17328 16096 31859 50244 59455 34690 83026 42522 30825 33446 85035 26193 11881 71010 00313 78387 52886 58753 32083 81420 61717 76691 47303 59825 34904 28755 46873 11595 62863 88235 37875 93751 95778 18577 80532 17122 68066 13001 92787 66111 95909 21642 01989 38095 25720 10654 85863 27886 59361 53381 82796 82303 01952 03530 18529 68995 77362 25994 13891 24972 17752 83479 13151 55748 57242 45415 06959 50829 53311 68617 27855 88907 50983 81754 63746 49393 19255 06040 09277 01671 13900 98488 24012 85836 16035 63707 66010 47101 81942 95559 61989 46767 83744 94482 55379 77472 68471 04047 53464 62080 46684 25906 94912 93313 67702 89891 52104 75216 20569 66024 05803 81501 93511 25338 24300 35587 64024 74964 73263 91419 92726 04269 92279 67823 54781 63600 93417 21641 21992 45863 15030 28618 29745 55706 74983 85054 94588 58692 69956 90927 21079 75093 02955 32116 53449 87202 75596 02364 80665 49911 98818 34797 75356 63698 07426 54252 78625 51818 41757 46728 90977 77279 38000 81647 06001 61452 49192 17321 72147 72350 14144 19735 68548 16136 11573 52552 13347 57418 49468 43852 33239 07394 14333 45477 62416 86251 89835 69485 56209 92192 22184 27255 02542 56887 67179 04946 01653 46680 49886 27232 79178 60857 84383 82796 79766 81454 10095 38837 86360 95068 00642 25125 20511 73929 84896 08412 84886 26945 60424 19652 85022 21066 11863 06744 27862 20391 94945 04712 37137 86960 95636 43719 17287 46776 46575 73962 41389 08658 32645 99581 33904 78027 59009 94657 64078 95126 94683 98352 59570 98258 22620 52248 94077 26719 47826 84826 01476 99090 26401 36394 43745 53050 68203 49625 24517 49399 65143 14298 09190 65925 09372... (He continues to list numbers.)Sprokle: He's obviously more brains than brawn! I'm sure we can take on all these G.I. dopes. Funkeys attack!G.I. General: So be it. You have chosen your fate. Joe, err sorry, I mean Joe 1254, puncture that water pipe.Joe 1254: Your command is my wish!G.I. General: You look like you contain electronics, don't you, Fusskys? I hope they're water proof. :evilgrin: POP! HSSSSSSSSSSS.... SPLLLLAAAAASHHHHH....Sprokle: Noooo.... someone cover my electronics! Quick! Get inside! (He points to the computer with the hole in the side.)Stitch: ... KZZZHACH! (Sparks fly.)Sprokle: Quick!(The Funkeys run all over the place, crowding in the effort to get inside the computer.)Glub: Wataah! (Slurp.) It's baadZAHCH!Rom: Another one down!Berger: Watch out! It's getting deeper!Sprokle: INSIDE! Don't push! (He runs into the computer.)G.I. General: Hmm? Having problems? You'll have more when you have to run back out of the computer. It might have been good to stop the water falling on you, but once this basement's flooded... Well, let's just say it makes a nice, pre-made, mass grave. I wonder how many volts of electricity you'll all generate together? :???: Joe 934: Let's get out of here. I hate it when we float around in the water... we just bob, and bob, and bob, and bob, until we finally hit the shore. Nasty stuff.G.I. General: That's because you're the one who skipped your swim training. No, we'll stay and watch... the show.Sprokle: EVERYBODY OUTSIDE! Don't push!Vlurp: But it's too deep now! We'll need a boat!Sprokle: Just use that leather DVD case!Vlurp: It won't fit all of us!Sprokle: Leaders and officers first. All the rest, good luck, and every man for himself!(The high-ranking Funkeys board their "ship.")Vlurp: Don't leave us!Sprokle: No room! Maybe you can try the CD case... looks a little water-absorbent though.(The lower-ranking Funkeys inspect a small, hard, CD case, covered in cloth, closed with a zipper, and made with 100% pure synthetic material.)G.I. General: I wonder how long before they realize that the DVD case is heading underneath the waterfall?(He points at the punctured water pipe, located at the ceiling. It is pouring water out of it, flowing to the basement floor like a waterfall. The DVD case is floating straight towards it.)Sprokle: No! No! No! It's not supposed to end this-- SPLASH! SCHHHAZHK!(The leather case tips over, and is temporarily submerged by the force of the stream. When it reemerges, all the Funkey officers are gone.)G.I. General: What a pity. The show's half over. Now I want to see what happens to that CD case!Vlurp: Uh... maybe we'd be safer staying here.Berger: You crazy? We'll drown! I'm going aboard!Vlurp: You crazy? It'll sink! I'm staying here!G.I. General: Maybe I can solve this argument. G.I.s, let's siege them! Attack them while they've got know place to go!Vlurp: You win, Berger. We can't stay trapped in the computer if they attack us. Everybody on the boat!Drift: We'll never fit!Vlurp: Oh? Then I'll go alone!Gabby: But that case could carry at least eight Funkeys!Vlurp: You think I care! It's like Sprokle said, "every man for himself!" :talk2hand: (He pushes the case, carrying only himself, into the water.)Vlurp: Have fun dieing! What would I need them for? They'd only slow me down!(The case begins to absorb water, and the seams leak, causing the inside to fill with water.)Vlurp: I'm sinking! S.O.S! Won't someone save me- *Bubble bubble.*G.I. General: Well Funkeys, I don't have time to enjoy the rest of the show. G. I. Joes, let's go. That's all forever!

Edited by Toarobot18, Jul 04 2012 - 12:43 AM.

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And please also enjoy my other fine comedies:
The Bionicle Entrepreneur - Nuva Join the Navy - Toy Wars - A Comedy of Comics

#4 Offline Toarobot18

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Posted Mar 08 2012 - 09:15 PM

Inside a plastic doll house:Sergeant Onepu: Uhgh! Pink overload!Rahkshi Lehrahk 1: A Nui-Rama told you?! A Nui-Rama told you?! Now look what mess we're in!Takanuva '08: I... :(Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: You should have waited until you got the order to surrender!Nocturne: You don't give orders, Lieutenant!Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: Well it's not like you're in charge anymore!Becky: Shut up in there, will you! I'm trying to listen to some music here!Nocturne: Let us out of this prison and we'll give you some peace and quiet!Becky: I'm warning you!Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: (Wispering.) We really should keep it down. We've got to work on an escape plan.Nocturne: There's a latch on the side of this thing. If someone could just get out and open it up...Rahkshi Lehrahk 1: How about Takanuva? He looks like he could use something to--Takanuva '08: There's no way I could fit out of here!Sergeant Onepu: I could probably get out one of the windows, if I bent my arms in far enough.Rahkshi Lehrahk 1: I don't think it's a good idea to put a McDonalds toy in charge of this mission.Sergeant Onepu: You just wait! You think I can't do this? Watch what a "McToran" can do! And I am not a McDonalds Toy! Now if someone could just lift me up to the window, I'm not really good at jumping.Rahkshi Lehrahk 1: I can see why... <_<(Nocturne lifts Onepu up to one of the doll house windows and pushes him out.)Nocturne: Good luck!...(Outside the doll house.)Sergeant Onepu: (Thinking.) Good thing she's listening to music. She probably won't even see me, that iPod is in the way. Wait. What was that?(Speaking.) Oh! Uh, hi, um, male barbie? I'm just taking a stroll--Ken: What did you just call me? :burnmad:Sergeant Onepu: I'm sorry, I really don't know your name. Well, anyways, got to go to the other side of this house and check the electricity meter. See ya--Ken: I don't think so. (Picking up Onepu.) No, I think you should come with me.Sergeant Onepu: No, really, I... HEEEEELLLP!!...(Inside the doll house.)Nocturne: Did you hear that?Takanuva '08: A moment of silence please....Rahkshi Lehrahk 1: Has it been a moment yet?Takanuva '08: No....Takanuva '08: Alright, that's good. Now, who else can fit through that window?Nocturne: Umm...Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: Now look what you've you've done! There's no one else small enough in this whole jail!Rahkshi Lehrahk 1: Well, perhaps the rest of the Bionicle sets will come rescue us.Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: I doubt it. This is probably the only jail they have. They probably executed the rest!...(On top of the couch.)Ken: So, "Oneepoo," I suppose you're wondering why I brought you here.Sergeant Onepu: No, no, I was just curious about your decoration choices. You see the purple up there kind of clashes with the blue, and--Ken: Well, wonder no more. I'm not familiar with this area of the mansion, but you are. You're going to be my new helper!Sergeant Onepu: New helper?Ken: That's right. My last one used up very quickly, so--Sergeant Onepu: Used up? :oKen: Ahh. I almost forgot to tell you. Almost. You see, every time you make a mistake or give me poor advice, Samantha here will pull a piece off of you. When they are all gone... well, then they're all gone.Sergeant Onepu: I see.Ken: You will see, unless you don't let me down. So don't let me down.Sergeant Onepu: Yes sir.Ken: You really may expand on your sentences, it's perfectly OK. I prefer my helpers to keep me company.Samantha: Ken! Leah has a report for you. Fresh sighting from the front.Ken: Bring her in.Leah: Ken, we were patrolling Lower Sector Seven when--Sophie: Oh my gosh, let me tell him!Leah: You won't believe this Ken--Sophie: The G.I.--Ken: Don't finish it! I can't stand to hear that word, "Joe."Sophie: But you just said it! Please let me finish! Pretty please?Ken: No, why I swore--Sophie: With sugary sugar all over the, like, top?Ken: Alright, fine, but be quick about it.Sophie: The G.I. Joes are in the basement! Hundreds of them!Ken: Ughh... Onepu, you have ten minutes to produce me the optimal defense arrangement for this fortress of yours. Samantha, get me the War Barbie.Sergeant Onepu: War Barbie?Samantha: On it. ;)NOW ACCEPTING... GUEST STARS! See the first post for information. If you haven't ever received a PM from me to which you can reply to, you won't be able to PM me since my inbox is full at the moment. You can just post the form in this topic in that case, or if you want to keep things secret, post your intention to guest star and I'll contact you.

Edited by Toarobot18, Jul 03 2012 - 10:49 PM.

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#5 Offline Parazan

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Posted Mar 10 2012 - 09:43 PM

What toy are you? (Preferably humanoid, or a toy animal/robot/alien of some sort. So no bouncy balls!): Hero Factory figure.Your name: Von Nebula.What are your goals for your future household empire? To make sure that the only toys that exist in the empire is LEGO.Who would you like to ally with? (This doesn't mean it's going to work out.): The BIONICLE's.Any rules, laws, standards, or traditions within your army?: Cuff up the prisoners up,put them in a box,and dump the boxes into a bathtub overflowing with water.-CDP
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#6 Offline Toa of Gallifrey

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Posted Mar 20 2012 - 04:23 PM

I quite like this comedy! I'll apply for GS.What toy are you? (Preferably humanoid, or a toy animal/robot/alien of some sort. So no bouncy balls!): Action figureYour name: 11th DoctorWhat are your goals for your future household empire? To find the needed parts to repair the TARDIS. (even though it's a toy and it can't be repaired, the action figure thinks it's the real Doctor)Who would you like to ally with? (This doesn't mean it's going to work out.): BIONICLE toysAny rules, laws, standards, or traditions within your army?: Doesn't like to kill or carry weapons unless necessary, makes up spontaneous on-the-go plans.

Edited by Toa of Gallifrey, Mar 20 2012 - 04:24 PM.

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"Now what will come out of this? A new mask of power? Some tooth-claw creature? A Matoran marching band?" - Lewa, The Final Battle

"Nothing is more important than my egomania!" - Clara Oswald, Deep Breath

"I AM A FLAMING MOLTRES!" - James, The Fortune Hunters

 

3DS FC: 2681-0566-5359


#7 Offline ManiacToaLaco

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Posted Mar 20 2012 - 11:04 PM

Sergeant Onepu: No, no, I was just curious about your decoration choices. You see the purple up there kind of clashes with the blue, and--

This brought a good smile to my face. I like it. Also, who paints a room purple and blue?

Ken: Ahh. I almost forgot to tell you. Almost. You see, every time you make a mistake or give me poor advice, Samantha here will pull a piece off of you. When they are all gone... well, then they're all gone.

Well, that's some good motivation...

Sophie: The G.I. Joes are in the basement! Hundreds of them!

And that's some bad news!I like this comedy so far,ToaRobot18.MTL

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#8 Offline Toarobot18

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Posted Jul 04 2012 - 12:27 AM

In the G.I. Joe Headquarters:G.I. General: ...and so Joe 19 will take his battalion up the left flank as Joe 327 brings the 1st Armored Battalion back in the center. As the barbies advance there, the right flank, now under the command of Joe 4, will begin the encircling. During this time, Joe 1254 and the 1st Paratrooper Battalion will have finished securing the couch.Joe 1254: What if we fail to secure it? :???:G.I. General: Refer to your Standard Operating Procedures. Alright, now as the entire 3rd Brigade proceeds to the doorway...Meanwhile, in the Barbie Headquarters:Sergeant Onepu: OK. I got this.Ken: You should hope you do, because I got this. (He points to his new chair made out of Bionicle pieces. It's missing an arm rest.)Sergeant Onepu: So, usually, we make use of the catapults located on the front and back of the couch, but since I see they're currently being used to display flowers--Ken: Scrap that then. What else have you got?Sergeant Onepu: Well, there are the Bohrak slides, currently folded up underneath the cushions, which we use for high speed propulsion of--Ken: Actually, we use those for the swimming pool. You better start coming up with some good ideas, Oneepoo.Sergeant Onepu: That was really all I had.Ken: Samantha!Sergeant Onepu: :o No, wait! I just remembered!Ken: Really. You don't say?Sergeant Onepu: There's a secret compartment inside the couch which we use to store defensive structures. There are modular walls, spikes, and extra catapults.Ken: Funny how fear restores the memory. http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/cool.png Samantha, grab my helper, he'll lead us to this compartment of his.Inside the doll-house jail...Nocturne: Is all the furniture in place on the left wall?Takanuva '08: Yes sir.Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: Cut that sir thing, will ya?! <_< Nocture: http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/mad.gif On my command. And one, and two, and three, PUSH!(The Bionicle sets simultaneously run at and push the left wall of the dollhouse, which falls on its side.)THUNK!Becky: You, like, hit my iPod with the, like, doll house! And it's, like, broken! You'll pay for this you beat killers!Nocturne: Again! And one, and two, and three, PUSH! Becky: Uh oh...THUNK!(Becky is no more.)Nocturne: One down, one hundred and ninety-nine to go!THUNK!Nocturne: Hey, I didn't say "push!"Takanuva '08: I didn't push, sir!Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: :burnmad:Rahkshi Lehrahk 1: No one did. I'm pretty sure that was coming from the roof. Err, the floor.BOOM!From above: I am a member of the United G.I. Joe Army! This bunker is surrounded, you will surrender! Get down on the ground or be killed!!Takanuva '08: What?Rahkshi Lehrahk 1: I don't know, but get ready for a fight.Nocturne: Actually... (He lays down on the ground.)Takanuva '08: Good idea sir. (He does the same.)Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: :evilmad: Then I'll fight these invaders myself!! Get ready for drill power! :evilbiggrin:(A G.I. Joe burts in the room, he is carrying a steak knife with both hands.)G.I. Joe 193: Don't move girly girls! ... Hey. Wait a second...Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: Did you just call me a girly girl. Not just girl, but girly girl?! G.I. Joe 193: Err, big mistake. Sorry, uh, orange guy.Lieutenant Pohatu Phantoka: Aren't you going to fight me?G.I. Joe 193: Actually, we're here to... uh, help you. :nodlaugh: So let me just check something real quick. (He dashes out of the room.)From outside: Joe, can you give me the SOP on these guys? Sure thing Joe, just let them out, stay friendly. They'll distract the enemy.G.I. Joe 193: (Dashing in the room.) Fellow toys! I am here to liberate you from the tyrannical barbies! You are free!Nocturne: Thank you very much... uh...G.I. Joe 193: Joe. Pleased to be of service.Inside the couch:Sergeant Onepu: You see, you pull this back (with your hands), by putting a projectile in this here clothy thing here (it's called a sling) and when you let go of it, the force (I mean, the pushing action, you know?) pushes it out of the sling, err, clothy thing, and then--Ken: I know how a catapult works, you moron! I liked it better when you only said two words at a time. So how do we hoist these out of this compartment?Sergeant Onepu: ^_^ Well you. See, first. You have. To choose. Who you. Want to.Ken: OK, talk as much as you want, just get on with it!Sergeant Onepu: As I was saying, first you have to choose who you want to do the hoisting. Then you need to tell them you chose them. Then you need--Music begins to play: I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world! Life in plastic, it's fantastic! You can brush my hair...Ken: OH NO!Sergeant Onepu: Missed the dance party?Samantha: I'll take my station, Ken! (She leaves.)Sarah: (Calling down from a trapdoor above.) Ken, we need you up top! Warm scarlet alert!Ken: NO, Onepu!! That's the Attack Siren YOU USELESS TOY!! :upset: ... Now look what your delaying has done! Mark my words: you will be an armrest when this over! ... Stay here. (He leaves the compartment in the couch, shutting the trapdoor.)Elsewhere...Tahu Mata 2: I think we can stop running now.Hahli '03: Are you sure? The barbies might still be following us.Tahu Mata 2: I wonder what happened to the other Bionicle sets after they surrendered.Hahli '03: Hopefully not executed, that's all I can say. Way to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory.Tahu Mata 2: At least maybe Nocturne died in that action.Hahli '03: I don't know about Nocturne, but they were tearing apart Kardas last I saw. I figured it was time to get out of there. We'd better hope they killed Noctune, otherwise he'll kill us for deserting.Tahu Mata 2: Not if this works. Are you sure sure this is the right place?Hahli '03: Absolutely sure. Hear the running water? I can never forget it. http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/fear.gifTahu Mata 2: All right, let's go in.(The two sets walk through a cracked door into a pitch-black room. A voice booms out of the darkness.)The voice: YOU. WHO DARES TO WALK THROUGH THE GREAT ENTRANCE?Still accepting guest stars! See the beginning of post no. 1 and the end of post no. 4!

Edited by Toarobot18, Jul 04 2012 - 05:43 PM.

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#9 Offline Jalina T.T.

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Posted Jul 29 2012 - 12:32 PM

Hello! Since iBrow’s on vacation for the next month, I will be facilitating this review for you. I’m sorry it took so long!I will be splitting this review into three separate categories: Plot, Mechanics, and Humor. Each will have its own separate score, and they will all assimilate into your final score at the end of the review. (What’s with the scores, anyway? In my day, we didn’t have scores...[/oldtimergrumble])PLOT:The plot of your comedy is about a war between toys and toy brands in an abandoned mansion. Each chapter, new brands or groups of toys are introduced, while the plight of our favorite Bionicle toys becomes worse and worse. The numerous twists that come with each chapter are quite entertaining to watch, and the groups of characters (The Barbies V. G.I. Joes) have characteristics that are typical of their group (The barbies turning the fortifications into decorations, for example.) However, the Plot lacks some detail and logic. How long have the separate groups been fighting, and how many are there? How are they getting the materials for their fortifications? If they’re in an abandoned mansion, how did they get there and why are they trying to get total domination of the house? Right now, The plot changes from chapter to chapter as the field of battle changes, but it might be nice to add an overarching goal. Is it total domination of the house, or simple survival?Another important aspect of the plot is the characters within. Our main group, of course, is the Bionicle toys (go Bionicle!) Then we have at least four other distinct factions: Barbie, G.I. Joe, Playmobil, and U.B. Funkeys. While there are a few lead characters for the other groups, the Bionicle characters seem to rotate out. It might be a good idea to choose a few characters to center on, depending on the Point of View you’re going for. (are we telling the story of all the groups, or just a few in the conflict?) another upside of having a few characters to center on is the audience has someone to connect to that (usually) won’t be gone the next chapter, and it is easier to provide background information on the setting. I do have to admit that the Barbies and G.I. Joes are very well characterized based on their demographics. (Although the valley girl talk does begin to grate.)Score: 6/10MECHANICS:This is the nitty-gritty of a written work, the spelling, grammar, formatting, and etcetera. Your spelling and grammar is very good, with very few, if any, errors. The dialects of certain groups really stand out and help differentiate them from other characters (though agin, the valley girl does grate) The format style (script) also works well for the comedy, and is not scrunched together and hard to read. An interesting addition you’ve made to the format is the color of the name of the character speaking. This addition makes it easy to tell at a glance who is speaking and (usually) what faction they are in. Feel free to play with this, It might make for a great plot twist! Your comedy chapters range from 700-1,300 words, which is good, and well above the 300 word minimum. Your comedy doesn’t break any rules, which is a good thing.One suggestion I may make is the inclusion of a chapter heading at the top of the page, if only for ease of searching for a specific chapter once the comedy becomes longer. A chapter title may also give a tease for what is going to happen, but it may spoil the ending, so it’s up to you.Score: 9/10HUMOR:The real heart of a comedy, what separates the comedies forum from epics or short stories. Your comedy does not use any outright jokes. Instead, the humor comes from the situation of the characters and how they interact with the other toys in the house. The comedy seems kind of morbid, however, as several toys “die” in each chapter and no one really seems to care, almost as if it were every man for himself for EVERY CHARACTER IN THE HOUSE. Do any of the leaders really care if their troops fall? This type of morbidity can put a damper on the humor, so be careful about how the characters are treated.On the other hand, there are a few funny spots in your comedy, such as the captives arguing about how to escape, and G.I. Joe (or one of them) trying to look cool and fail when he calls the captive Bionicles “girly girls” believing that there were barbie dolls behind the wall he had just blown up. Try to add more funny situations like this, and include character reactions to up the ante.Score: 7/10CLIFFSNOTES/CONCLUSION:Your plot could use a little work when it comes to detail and setting, but the mechanics are strong and add to the work in general. You have good humor, but it tends to get overshadowed by the “deaths” of many toys and the general lack of reaction to those deaths. All in all, you have a good comedy. There are a few changes that could be made to aid the audience in understanding the story and the setting, but for the most part your comedy is strong.FINAL SCORE: 75%One more item of note: Guest star applications need to be PMed to the author, they cannot be posted. This means that you need to clear out your inbox if you want more guest stars. This prevents GS forms from cluttering up the topic when there should be reviews.
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