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Wings: Review Topic

Wings Review

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#1 Offline Inferna Firesword

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Posted Oct 13 2011 - 10:57 PM

Wings

Series

Heroes and Halflings

Lightning Strikes Twice

Wings

Author's Note: Let’s face it, gang, it’s been a long trip. When the original version of Heroes and Halflings was posted in Summer 2008, I sure didn’t expect to expand upon the story to the point of two sequel epics. My mindset at the time was to write it and then move on to bigger things, of which I still had no idea (and I still have no idea). Boom boom pow and goodbye.That was not the case. And now, about three years later (give or take a month) here we are again, poised upon the brink of another adventure, with no knowing where we’ll end up when it finishes. I’ve got a lot of things and people to thank, but most importantly, I have J.R.R. Tolkin and his Lord of the Rings series to thank. To be more specific, the inspiration for Wings came to me the summer before this one, while I was watching The Fellowship of the Ring for the hundred millionth time. The end of Lightning Strikes Twice was in sight, and I’d prepared my defense for when I announced I wouldn’t continue the story after it. Then, out of the blue, an idea hit me, and it wasn’t until I’d designed the basic plot idea that I realized that I was doing what I’d decided not to do.Well, there’s no stopping a plot bunny once it has you. By the time Lightning Strikes Twice was completed, Wings was well on its way to becoming the third part of my own little trilogy, at the expense of my other epic’s well-being (sorry, HitM …). And now, here we are.Enjoy the show. =)Story GuideLocationsAmari Islands: A chain of far-south islands, made up of six landmasses. Home to Xi-Koro, a village of (mostly) Lightning Matoran. Currently led by Turaga Stara.Va-Koro: Northern Continent village, said to be the oldest settlement in universe. Home to largest settlement of Ce-Matoran.Shi-Nui: Island located south of Metru Nui; major trading port for the northern universe and a favorite target of pirates as a result. Ruled by Turaga Echidna.Rohaya: An abandoned island not far southeast from Shi-Nui; once a base for the disbanded Toa Rohaya.Aleris: A Northern Continent city, Aleris is called the “City of Opportunity.” (Property of Repicheep – Toa of Irony)CharactersToaStiaye: Toa of Lightning; comes from Amari Islands. She is the bearer of the Spear of Ajax, the only weapon known to destroy halflings straight-up. She wears a Kanohi Mask of Telekinesis that has the imprint of a lightning bolt across her right eye; carries Spear of Ajax and Electric Spear (carved to resemble Spear of Ajax to fool would-be thieves). Recently lost her hand to Rarin and had it replaced with a mechanical version.Japoro: Toa of Ice that is part of Stiaye’s group; homeland unknown. Carries a sword and shield; wears Kanohi Matatu. Inventive and clever, he is far more social than others of his tribe.Amphitrite: Toa of Water and Japoro’s significant other. Quick-tempered and impatient, she often jumps headfirst into whatever danger comes to the group, preferring to embrace the warrior side of her people rather than the alternative. She is native to Shi-Nui, but her past is shrouded in mystery. Carries aqua saber and two pincer shields; wears Kanohi Mahiki. (Also known as Subject 39.)Aeolus: Toa of Air native to Metru Nui and Stiaye’s love interest. Unlike others of his tribe, Aeolus is far more serious and less inclined to joke around, though he still uses his native chute-speak. He wears the Kanohi Kadin and carries twin longswords.Castor: Toa of the Green and leader of the Shi-Nui Toa.Enki: Toa of Earth and deputy-leader of the Shi-Nui Toa.Eurus: Toa of Air and former soldier in the Destiny War; member of the Shi-Nui Toa.Kalima: Toa of Psionics and leader of the Toa of Va-Koro; youngest of the group.Zraie: Toa of Fire; Toa of Va-Koro.Morian: Toa of Stone; oldest of the Va-Koro Toa and de facto leader of the group.MatoranKya: Matoran of unknown element who lives outside Va-Koro. Has no memory of her past life before arriving in the area, but believed to have a past with the defunct Brotherhood of Makuta. Wears Great-style Kanohi Cereva, Mask of Adaptation. (Also known as Subject 17.)Bism: Po-Matoran trader of jewelry and gemstones; old friend of Kya. Seems to have a way with Rahi, as he has been able to train creatures most others cannot. Wears Great-style Kanohi Romata, Mask of Mutation. (Also known as Subject 24.)Adridne: Right-hand Xi-Matoran of Turaga Stara.Chaka: Xi-Matoran from the Amari Islands; astrologer for Xi-Koro.Kouki: Ko-Matoran of the Amari Islands with gold markings; thought to have some connection to Stara.Razra: Xi-Matoran of the Amari Islands; has connections with Kouki.Sekmet: Deceased Xi-Matoran of the Amari Islands; betrayed her people upon the urging of Makuta Kiria and helped exile Stara from Xi-Koro; died on Amari Island Notus.Luxa and Narissa: Xi-Matoran friends of Sekmet – Narissa was the astrologer that mentored Chaka and Stara, while Luxa was the former Chronicler – that were killed in the successful attempt to frame Stara for murder.TuragaStara: Former Toa of Lightning of the Amari Islands; framed for murder and exiled not long after her transformation, 10 years before the Great Cataclysm. Served on Rohaya for over 800 years before being reprieved and returning home; became Turaga five years later as part of the Rebirth.Echidna: Water Turaga of Shi-Nui; during her time as a Toa, became the last member of her team in the aftermath of the Toa-Dark Hunter War and worked alongside Toa Rohaya during the years of the Rohaya-Shi-Nui Pact. Took part in the Rebirth and became Turaga after the death of her predecessor.Nuju: Ice Turaga; one of the six Toa Metru and fought the halflings of Rohaya soon after the return to Metru Nui. Fell in love with Stara during that time, and she with him, but were forced to separate soon after their task on Rohaya was complete. Later became progenitor of the halfling Deimos, but was rescued by Stiaye and her friends.SpiritsShiri: Toa of Light from Ajax’s dimension; slain by the halfling Eris but her spirit did not rest. Her soul later became fused to Ajax’s new Spear and used the Toa Power stored inside to destroy her killer. Was transported to the current world and became Stiaye’s silent guardian, finally manifesting to Kya when she fled Rarin.Ajax: Toa of Fire that forged the Spear of Ajax; was killed but came back to guard his Spear from malevolent hands; passed it on to Stiaye before passing on to the afterlife.Kronus: Toa of Gravity that had led the Toa Rohaya in life, but was killed protecting Stara from death. Dwelled on Notus with the rest of his deceased team and Ajax, among others Toa spirits, before Stiaye took possession of the Spear; passed on after giving her and Nuju charms that allow them to communicate.OtherRarin: Enhanced lower-class Steltian and servant of Makuta Hecate. Is faster and smarter than other members of his kind, having the power over stone, and is fiercely loyal to his master.Hecate: Female Makuta with mastery of viruses and mutation. Is very calm and logical, but very kind towards her servant Rarin.Tageria: Female Makuta – while clever, isn’t the sharpest knife in the block. The fall of the Brotherhood has struck her particularly hard, up to the point that she abuses Rarin when she is angered.Visotoran: Grotesque hybrids of Matoran and Visorak created by Hecate to serve her. Are blind, but have enhanced other senses that enable them to fight. They have six legs and six arms – two arms with blades protruding from their wrists, two with giant crab-claws, and two with seven-fingered needles for extremities. They are blindly loyal to Hecate, able to think but unable to rebel.Nightborn: Monster-servants to Karzahni in ancient times, said to be the ones that bear the condemned away to their master’s realm. They are accompanied by the strange husks of Matoran known as Nemesi and a flight of crows. Vanished from their native realm after their master’s exile, but still haunt the universe.Terms/EventsGerilmi: Term for beings with no fixed home; Matoran for “Wanderer”. (This can be slightly derogative, since it implies that the being in question has no loyalty.)Reborn/Rebirth: Event that happened about five years after the destruction of the Brotherhood, caused by the near-simultaneous use of Toa Stones created by remaining Toa.RahiSerohes: Four-legged, herbivorous Rahi that are best known for their fine manes of metal and heavy hooves. While they are bigger, stronger, and faster than Ussal crabs, they are more resistant to domestication than the more common Ussal, with only a few being trained by various beings.Thundercats: Sleek, black armored felines with golden markings, thundercats are distant cousins to the rock lion and are best known for their blistering speed and the electrical shocks they generate to paralyze their prey. They are considered to be the unofficial mascots of the Lightning tribes.Needle Wolves: A breed of Kavinika mutated by Makuta Hecate, they are feared and hated by veterans of the Destiny War. They are called so because of their pelts resemble layers of long, sharp needles: when upright, they can badly injure an opponent, but they offer strong protection when lying flat. They are extremely intelligent and were favored as “guard dogs” for Brotherhood fortresses. Some rogue packs still wander the universe, but most have been either killed or placed in the Metru Nui Archives.Storm Hawks: A breed of Nivawk that was mutated by Hecate, Storm Hawks are twice as big as their unmutated cousins, and while they are unable to control the weather, these fliers can whip up powerful winds with the beating of their wings. They are extraordinarily intelligent and usually work in pairs with riders, but their size made them easy targets during the Destiny War. A few were captured and placed in the Archives after the War, but some still live in the wilder places in the universe.Golums: Towering statues with special machines studding their joints, Golums are creatures of stone animated by the Makuta, and were mostly used as remote-controlled demolition crews or brute squads. Loathed by the Destiny War veterans as much as the Needle Wolves, Golums – while slow, clumsy, and brainless – devastated the Toa during the Destiny War, killing many just by stepping on them. A smaller version of the Golums, created several years later, were quicker and more agile, but they always mirror the actions of the one that controls them. After the War, the Vortixx and the Matoran of Metru Nui took authority of the surviving Golums to study their technology.Shrieks: A mutated hybrid of Ice Bats and Necrofinches created by Hecate, Shrieks are small and easy to kill, but it was their numbers and sonic abilities that caused the deaths of hundreds of soldiers. Shrieks always travel in flocks, and as they constantly make very loud noise, a few dozen could deafen entire squads until their numbers were thinned. As Shrieks are notoriously fast, they were key to distracting enemy groups so Brotherhood troops could flank them. They had no other war purpose except as a distraction. After the Destiny War, some Shrieks were placed in the Archives for study, while the rest were nearly hunted to extinction. A few still live on the Southern Continent, though there are no signs of devastating flocks.Other ThingsInspiration
    [*]Lord of the Rings trilogy[*]Repicheep’s Tales of the Nui-Matoran series[*]Kagha’s epic Daybreak[*]Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy[*]Mercedes Lacky’s The Snow Queen[*]Tamora Pierce’s Circle of Magic series, in particular Shatterglass and Street Magic[*]Christopher Paolini’s Inheritance cycle[*]Lady Kopaka’s Glitch in the System[*]Saya (Bahamut PURE)’s The Painmaker (which I credit to being the very origin to the Heroes and Halflings series)[/list]Cameos
    Spoiler
    H&H Series Soundtracks
    Spoiler
    [/list]-Inferna

    Edited by Inferna Firesword, Mar 11 2012 - 07:18 PM.

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Thanks for the memories, BZP. Time for me to leave.


#2 Offline Ninth Krayzikk

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Posted Oct 14 2011 - 07:43 PM

The forums are back and that means Wings is too! Glad to have it back. Also, :happydance: 'cuz I got the last post in the old topic.

Edited by Krayzikk Champion of RPGs, Oct 15 2011 - 10:13 PM.

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Red Skies, an FTL Prequel (Updated 7/13)


#3 Offline Inferna Firesword

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Posted Oct 15 2011 - 10:36 PM

The forums are back and that means Wings is too! Glad to have it back. Also, :happydance: 'cuz I got the last post in the old topic.

=D Thanks, Krayzikk. I've been wrangling with the new posting/coding system, but I think I've got the hang of it now. Chapter 1 is now back up, along with the story guide, which has been edited to match new things introduced in Chapter 11. (You'll notice that there's a section now labeled "Rahi," while Kya and Bism's profiles have been edited a bit.) I hope to have that up before Halloween. By then, this topic should look much the same again. -Inferna

Edited by Inferna Firesword, Oct 15 2011 - 10:42 PM.

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Thanks for the memories, BZP. Time for me to leave.


#4 Offline Ninth Krayzikk

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Posted Oct 17 2011 - 05:33 PM

Two quick questions, btw. 1. You invented moist of your locations, correct? 2. Are the Visotoran various colors, or just gray, or what?
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Red Skies, an FTL Prequel (Updated 7/13)


#5 Offline Inferna Firesword

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Posted Oct 17 2011 - 05:44 PM

Two quick questions, btw. 1. You invented moist of your locations, correct? 2. Are the Visotoran various colors, or just gray, or what?

Most of them. :P [/grammer nazi] The ones I don't create are either canon or disclaimed for other writers. And the Visotoran, I've imagined, retain their colors for the most part. If you had a red Visorak and a Le-Matoran, he'd be red-green-grey. :D ... now I'm in the mood for Christmas. -.- -Inferna

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Thanks for the memories, BZP. Time for me to leave.


#6 Offline Ninth Krayzikk

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Posted Oct 17 2011 - 07:02 PM

Two quick questions, btw. 1. You invented moist of your locations, correct? 2. Are the Visotoran various colors, or just gray, or what?

Most of them. :P [/grammer nazi] The ones I don't create are either canon or disclaimed for other writers. And the Visotoran, I've imagined, retain their colors for the most part. If you had a red Visorak and a Le-Matoran, he'd be red-green-grey. :biggrin: ... now I'm in the mood for Christmas. -.- -Inferna

*Face-palm* How did I not notice I wrote moist? Anyway, thanks.

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Red Skies, an FTL Prequel (Updated 7/13)


#7 Offline Silvan Haven

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Posted Oct 18 2011 - 05:02 PM

As usual, great writing. I was wondering though, why is it called "Wings"?All of the other titles were fairly easy to figure out but so far I cant think of the reason for this one.
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"I serve the weak. I serve the helpless. I am their sword and their shield. If you want to strike at them, you must go through me, and I am not so easily moved."


#8 Offline Japoro - Toa of Ice

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Posted Oct 20 2011 - 12:19 PM

Forums are back! Wings is back! Squee! So glad to be back on BZPower! Now just to wait for full reposting and then new updates.

As usual, great writing. I was wondering though, why is it called "Wings"?All of the other titles were fairly easy to figure out but so far I cant think of the reason for this one.

As for the title, you'll see soon enough. It was revealed in one of the chapters before the massive forum update. So, wait and find out. -Japoro, Icy Scholar

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A Huna? When did that get there? Oh well, no more blinding people, time for sneaky sneaky.

#9 Offline Inferna Firesword

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Posted Oct 20 2011 - 10:50 PM

Two quick questions, btw. 1. You invented moist of your locations, correct? 2. Are the Visotoran various colors, or just gray, or what?

Most of them. :P [/grammer nazi] The ones I don't create are either canon or disclaimed for other writers. And the Visotoran, I've imagined, retain their colors for the most part. If you had a red Visorak and a Le-Matoran, he'd be red-green-grey. :biggrin: ... now I'm in the mood for Christmas. -.- -Inferna

*Face-palm* How did I not notice I wrote moist? Anyway, thanks.

:P

As usual, great writing. I was wondering though, why is it called "Wings"?All of the other titles were fairly easy to figure out but so far I cant think of the reason for this one.

See Japoro's post below; he beat me to it. =P Glad to see a new reader!

Forums are back! Wings is back! Squee! So glad to be back on BZPower! Now just to wait for full reposting and then new updates.

As usual, great writing. I was wondering though, why is it called "Wings"?All of the other titles were fairly easy to figure out but so far I cant think of the reason for this one.

As for the title, you'll see soon enough. It was revealed in one of the chapters before the massive forum update. So, wait and find out. -Japoro, Icy Scholar

Yay! *glomps* Good to see you again, Japoro! ^_^ To all readers: I have almost reposted all of the original chapters (would have them done tomorrow, but there's something funky going on with the posting system <_<). Tomorrow I ought to be back on Chapter 10 -- An Unexpected Detour. I'll take a quick break after that, then be ready: Chapter 11 -- Code of Memories will be posted on Sunday. :biggrin: -Inferna HUGE MAJOR EDIT: We are officially moving on. Since apparently even the authors are not allowed to purposely double-post in their own review topics, I'm editing this post to say that Chapter 11 is now up. Have fun speculating the identity of Subject 39! >=D

Edited by Inferna Firesword, Oct 23 2011 - 12:18 PM.

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#10 Offline Japoro - Toa of Ice

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Posted Oct 23 2011 - 11:36 PM

*return glomps* Good to be back! Well, my first guess at the identity of Subject 39 was Amphitrite, but looking back, I don't think it's her. However, I will stay with my guess. And new chapter! Did the inspiration for the title come from KH: Chain of Memories? And we get backstory to explain why our heroes are freaks, and why we should love them. And what does Rarin want most of all? The chapter answers a few questions, and opens many more. Looking forward to the next chapter! -Japoro, Icy Scholar
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A Huna? When did that get there? Oh well, no more blinding people, time for sneaky sneaky.

#11 Offline Inferna Firesword

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Posted Nov 20 2011 - 11:42 PM

*return glomps* Good to be back!Well, my first guess at the identity of Subject 39 was Amphitrite, but looking back, I don't think it's her. However, I will stay with my guess.And new chapter! Did the inspiration for the title come from KH: Chain of Memories? And we get backstory to explain why our heroes are freaks, and why we should love them. And what does Rarin want most of all? The chapter answers a few questions, and opens many more. Looking forward to the next chapter!-Japoro, Icy Scholar

Oh really? Care to explain what your reasoning about 39 was before reading Chapter 12? :PYes, you've heard me right, guys: Chapter Twelve, Soon, has been posted. In this chapter, we catch up on old friends, everyone starts converging on Yumi (the town will never be the same again), Subject 39's identity is revealed, and Hecate's up to something. :PEnjoy!-Inferna(PS: Yes, Japoro, I did get the title from Kingdom Hearts.)(PPS: Akaku, you may commence your evil laughter. >=D (He was in on this the whole time.) *starts evil-laughing*)

Edited by Inferna Firesword, Nov 20 2011 - 11:51 PM.

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Thanks for the memories, BZP. Time for me to leave.


#12 Offline Japoro - Toa of Ice

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Posted Nov 21 2011 - 12:53 AM

Well now, I was right! Amph is subject 39. As for why I thought it was Amph, there was the metal patch reference earlier on, the general unease of her with the Steltian being involved in matters, and then other information. Bism is land Rahi and Fire, Kya is air Rahi and Air, therefore the third member of the Trinity should be sea Rahi and water. With the info from chapter 9 with the dreamer scene and then chapter 11 where Hecate briefly described the mutations, there was a good chance that the dreamer became a fusion with some Rahi with sharp teeth, and the most known sea Rahi with sharp teeth is a Takea Shark. And now that I remember it, Amph turned into one in LST when they were approaching the fight with Deimos. And with her being a Toa of water, And for the review, Stara's a thundercat? Hecate made a mysterious deal with higher powers of the universe? And we see how Amph was kidnapped, apparently by Rarin. But people are heading for a collision course, and when they reach one another, nothing will be the same. I see three trios right now: Stiaye, Aeolus, and Japoro, the (semi)regular Toa (good); Rarin, Hecate, and Tageria, the Makuta (evil); and finally Kya, Bism, and Amph, the false Nightborn (leaning towards good, but could flip to be bad guys).Very nice chapter, I'm looking forward to the next ones!-Japoro, Icy Scholar
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A Huna? When did that get there? Oh well, no more blinding people, time for sneaky sneaky.

#13 Offline Peach 00

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Posted Nov 24 2011 - 12:40 AM

Alright, well here's a part of my review. I've only read up to 'Gerilmi', so I've got four more chapters to read. But I figured I give you the review before Thanksgiving. ^^ Anyway, onto the review.First, I enjoyed the rush into the action, the instantaneous embrace of a completely new world. As always, it's refreshing to have self-created species and islands, and having characters with interesting, mysterious backgrounds. I am really curious about Kya's character, especially whether or not she has had association with the Brotherhood. ^_^So far, I love all the small mysteries you've connected into the story. Because I never read LST and only read the beginning of HH, I'm a bit lost to some previous history. Either way, I understand most of the storyline, even without the background info.My favorite chapter so far is Chapter 6, when Kya goes to find out her name and background. The best line was the following: "She also felt triumphant that she had done this, thumbing her nose at the twisted system of the Village of Time. In your face!" Congrats for making me laugh out loud at that line. =PThe two main characters (Stiaye and Kya) are probably my favorites so far - and the addition you made with Stiaye getting the mechanical hand was cool. I've always wanted to incorporate an actual mechanical aspect into one of my characters, but I never got around to writing a proper character for that exactly. Kudos for succeeding in doing it and doing it in an awesome way. =DStill, so far I'm really curious whether or not Kya, Shiri, and Bism will make contact with Stiaye or encounter with Rarin again. Bism's character reminds me of a friend of mine - a little bit more sarcasm induced into the character would basically be him as a Bionicle character. :PThe characters of Hecate and Tageria interest me. Both are probably the cruelest (and also coolest. =P) female characters I've ever read about or heard of. They definitely fit the 'fem fatale' personality, lol.Anyway, Inferna, this is so far really awesome. I'll see if I can review again on Friday or during the weekend after I've read the rest of the chapters. I'm really looking forward to how things will end up. Keep up the good work - great job! :biggrin: (Also, BTW, happy Thanksgiving! =D)

Edited by Peach 00, Nov 24 2011 - 12:42 AM.

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On the day the wall came down / They threw the locks onto the ground
And with glasses high / We raised a cry / For freedom had arrived
 
On the day the wall came down / The ship of fools had finally run aground
Promises lit up the night / Like paper doves in flight
 
I dreamed you had left my side / No warmth, not even pride remained
And even though you needed me / It was clear that I could not do a thing for you
 
Now life devalues day by day / As friends and neighbors turn away
And there's a change that even with regret / Cannot be undone
 
Now frontiers shift like desert sands / While nations wash their bloodied hands
Of loyalty, of history / In shades of grey
 
I woke to the sound of drums / The music played, the morning sun streamed in
I turned and I looked at you / And all but the bitter residues slipped away
 
slipped away...
 




#14 Offline Akaku: Master of Flight

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Posted Nov 24 2011 - 10:44 PM

muahah.MUAHAH.MUAHAAHAA---cough--weeze-Curse me awful immune system. At least the extra time at home let me read this, though :Pawesome chapter, as always. As a winged being myself I can say I can agree with Kya on the fact that Bism is really missing out ^^Did I spot a Kini amongst the Chapter? not sure.its always awesome to read your stories right when there about to reach there climax; the next couple of chapters are going to be filled with awesome actioness, I'll bet :Dcant wait to read the next chapter; keep it up!--Akaku: Master of Flight
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#15 Offline Kagha

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Posted Dec 21 2011 - 02:28 PM

Alright, so I just spent the past AM splurging on an undignified number of caffeinated beverages staying up to give a second read to both H&H and LST, which, needless to say, were both as spellbinding and vibrant as the first day you posted them. Since it has been a while since I've attended any form of BIONICLE fic, I feel as though I did need a kickstart to rejuvenate my memory and thrust me into the awesome rendition of the MU that you so elegantly depicted in your saga here, Pteri.I do have a small fusillade of confusions, though (mind you I haven't restarted Wings yet and have forgotten more than I am proud to admit) -- was the backstory on how the Toa Metru became Turaga again, the indecisive buggers, ever elaborated on? It was just barely mentioned in LST. And Ce- and Va-Matoran, I'm confident these mantles will be addressed in Wings but I currently have less than a clue what the affixes represent.I know, I should know more about my besties trilogy universe; I feel bad. /:In any case, though, I'll be caught up in no time.- KaghaPost Script Notice ~~~ Guiizeee, I believe that as fellow fans of Fernie's amazing epics, we should all be able to afford displaying some of our support through limb amputation banners. I whipped up some designs I thought I might post here, you guys may or may not find them horribly offencive.
Spoiler
Feel free to grab the URLs with a right click or so and use the banners. If you do use them, remember to hyperlink them to the epic. Different sizes, colours or textures can be produced upon request. Just thought it'd be fun to whip up a few things, show some love. ^^ The punishment for not using one is death. :onfire:

Edited by Kagha, Dec 23 2011 - 12:26 AM.

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#16 Offline Ninth Krayzikk

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Posted Feb 10 2012 - 10:54 PM

Oh, god I just realized I never reviewed the chapter......... Please don't hurt me Inferna...... *Cowers in corner*Anyway, on to my incredibly late review/praise. I really like the way this chapter was written, starting off with our favorite matoran friends and moving on to Stiaye and the others. I reeeeeally like the way you wrote the section revealing some of Amph's past, and how you revealed that she was 39. And while I hadn't though of it, something about that just seems to work.
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Red Skies, an FTL Prequel (Updated 7/13)


#17 Offline Grantaire

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Posted Feb 15 2012 - 12:16 PM

“No,” came the flat reply. “I might not know much about my past or myself, but the Va-Koro healers do. My file is somewhere in the Hall of Records, and I bet my real name – the name wasn’t allowed to have – is in there.”

I think there should be an I between those two words.

The voice behind Stara was friendly and pleasant, as if she was an old friend and he had dropped by her home for a chat – which was true, since they <i>were</i> old friends. Turning away from her bed, the disembodied Toa of Lightning looked Kronus squarely in the eyes and said flatly, “That’s the universe’s biggest understatement.”

Code error?Anyways, I finally caught up, a bit surprised I didn't have more to read. I had honestly thought, at the description of 39, that it was the thundercat. :PNonetheless, It's nice to read your style of writing again, and things are looking interesting. toa and mutated matoran against makuta? Sounds interesting.Zarayna

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#18 Offline Inferna Firesword

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Posted Mar 03 2012 - 01:00 PM

Well now, I was right! Amph is subject 39. As for why I thought it was Amph, there was the metal patch reference earlier on, the general unease of her with the Steltian being involved in matters, and then other information. Bism is land Rahi and Fire, Kya is air Rahi and Air, therefore the third member of the Trinity should be sea Rahi and water. With the info from chapter 9 with the dreamer scene and then chapter 11 where Hecate briefly described the mutations, there was a good chance that the dreamer became a fusion with some Rahi with sharp teeth, and the most known sea Rahi with sharp teeth is a Takea Shark. And now that I remember it, Amph turned into one in LST when they were approaching the fight with Deimos. And with her being a Toa of water,And for the review, Stara's a thundercat? Hecate made a mysterious deal with higher powers of the universe? And we see how Amph was kidnapped, apparently by Rarin. But people are heading for a collision course, and when they reach one another, nothing will be the same. I see three trios right now: Stiaye, Aeolus, and Japoro, the (semi)regular Toa (good); Rarin, Hecate, and Tageria, the Makuta (evil); and finally Kya, Bism, and Amph, the false Nightborn (leaning towards good, but could flip to be bad guys).Very nice chapter, I'm looking forward to the next ones!-Japoro, Icy Scholar

Hehehe. I can promise an interesting fight, as we're heading for the climax at breakneck speed, but it'll be at your character's expense. :P

Alright, well here's a part of my review. I've only read up to 'Gerilmi', so I've got four more chapters to read. But I figured I give you the review before Thanksgiving. ^^ Anyway, onto the review.First, I enjoyed the rush into the action, the instantaneous embrace of a completely new world. As always, it's refreshing to have self-created species and islands, and having characters with interesting, mysterious backgrounds. I am really curious about Kya's character, especially whether or not she has had association with the Brotherhood. ^_^So far, I love all the small mysteries you've connected into the story. Because I never read LST and only read the beginning of HH, I'm a bit lost to some previous history. Either way, I understand most of the storyline, even without the background info.My favorite chapter so far is Chapter 6, when Kya goes to find out her name and background. The best line was the following: "She also felt triumphant that she had done this, thumbing her nose at the twisted system of the Village of Time. In your face!" Congrats for making me laugh out loud at that line. =PThe two main characters (Stiaye and Kya) are probably my favorites so far - and the addition you made with Stiaye getting the mechanical hand was cool. I've always wanted to incorporate an actual mechanical aspect into one of my characters, but I never got around to writing a proper character for that exactly. Kudos for succeeding in doing it and doing it in an awesome way. =DStill, so far I'm really curious whether or not Kya, Shiri, and Bism will make contact with Stiaye or encounter with Rarin again. Bism's character reminds me of a friend of mine - a little bit more sarcasm induced into the character would basically be him as a Bionicle character. :PThe characters of Hecate and Tageria interest me. Both are probably the cruelest (and also coolest. =P) female characters I've ever read about or heard of. They definitely fit the 'fem fatale' personality, lol.Anyway, Inferna, this is so far really awesome. I'll see if I can review again on Friday or during the weekend after I've read the rest of the chapters. I'm really looking forward to how things will end up. Keep up the good work - great job! :biggrin:(Also, BTW, happy Thanksgiving! =D)

Thanks for the review! Hecate is definately my favorite of my Bionicle villain OCs, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. ^^

muahah.MUAHAH.MUAHAAHAA---cough--weeze-Curse me awful immune system. At least the extra time at home let me read this, though :Pawesome chapter, as always. As a winged being myself I can say I can agree with Kya on the fact that Bism is really missing out ^^Did I spot a Kini amongst the Chapter? not sure.its always awesome to read your stories right when there about to reach there climax; the next couple of chapters are going to be filled with awesome actioness, I'll bet :biggrin:cant wait to read the next chapter; keep it up!--Akaku: Master of Flight

*thumps on back* Don't die on me, babe! :PYep, Kini was in that chapter. The real actionness is still a couple chapters off, but once it arrives, I'll be going all out. >=D

Alright, so I just spent the past AM splurging on an undignified number of caffeinated beverages staying up to give a second read to both H&H and LST, which, needless to say, were both as spellbinding and vibrant as the first day you posted them. Since it has been a while since I've attended any form of BIONICLE fic, I feel as though I did need a kickstart to rejuvenate my memory and thrust me into the awesome rendition of the MU that you so elegantly depicted in your saga here, Pteri.I do have a small fusillade of confusions, though (mind you I haven't restarted Wings yet and have forgotten more than I am proud to admit) -- was the backstory on how the Toa Metru became Turaga again, the indecisive buggers, ever elaborated on? It was just barely mentioned in LST. And Ce- and Va-Matoran, I'm confident these mantles will be addressed in Wings but I currently have less than a clue what the affixes represent.I know, I should know more about my besties trilogy universe; I feel bad. /:In any case, though, I'll be caught up in no time.- KaghaPost Script Notice ~~~ Guiizeee, I believe that as fellow fans of Fernie's amazing epics, we should all be able to afford displaying some of our support through limb amputation banners. I whipped up some designs I thought I might post here, you guys may or may not find them horribly offencive.

Spoiler
Feel free to grab the URLs with a right click or so and use the banners. If you do use them, remember to hyperlink them to the epic. Different sizes, colours or textures can be produced upon request. Just thought it'd be fun to whip up a few things, show some love. ^^ The punishment for not using one is death. :onfire:

Thanks for the banners, Kaghs. ^^

Oh, god I just realized I never reviewed the chapter......... Please don't hurt me Inferna...... *Cowers in corner*Anyway, on to my incredibly late review/praise. I really like the way this chapter was written, starting off with our favorite matoran friends and moving on to Stiaye and the others. I reeeeeally like the way you wrote the section revealing some of Amph's past, and how you revealed that she was 39. And while I hadn't though of it, something about that just seems to work.

Thanks. BTW, how's that Visotoran MOC going?

“No,” came the flat reply. “I might not know much about my past or myself, but the Va-Koro healers do. My file is somewhere in the Hall of Records, and I bet my real name – the name wasn’t allowed to have – is in there.”

I think there should be an I between those two words.

The voice behind Stara was friendly and pleasant, as if she was an old friend and he had dropped by her home for a chat – which was true, since they <i>were</i> old friends. Turning away from her bed, the disembodied Toa of Lightning looked Kronus squarely in the eyes and said flatly, “That’s the universe’s biggest understatement.”

Code error?Anyways, I finally caught up, a bit surprised I didn't have more to read. I had honestly thought, at the description of 39, that it was the thundercat. :PNonetheless, It's nice to read your style of writing again, and things are looking interesting. toa and mutated matoran against makuta? Sounds interesting.Zarayna

Bah -- I still need to fix those. -_- Thanks for reminding me.Anyway, we're a bit overdue for a new chapter, so here we go. Chapter 13 -- Reunion is now available for your reading pleasure. Enjoy it, since I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again. ._.-Inferna

Edited by Inferna Firesword, Mar 04 2012 - 08:56 PM.

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Thanks for the memories, BZP. Time for me to leave.


#19 Offline Ninth Krayzikk

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Posted Mar 04 2012 - 08:19 PM

Tackling one thing first: Visotoran MOC Completion is at about 80%. The 'skeletal' structure gave me a little trouble for a while, but the hardest part is done.Now, to the review. I absolutely loved this chapter for a variety of reasons.One reason in particular: Hecate was genre-savvy enough to install a failsafe into her creations, in case they tried to turn against her. I love it when a villain is actually competent. Other than that, the whole mystery surrounding why Hecate wants them to know where the Trio are is distinctly intriguing. Great work!
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Red Skies, an FTL Prequel (Updated 7/13)


#20 Offline Repicheep - Toa of Irony

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Posted Mar 10 2012 - 12:45 AM

New chapter, woohoo!I must say, I'm very intrigued by the whole Rarin getting left behind thing. I don't think I've ever encountered another villain that's done that before.The suspense is rising, and I'm excited to see what comes next.
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#21 Offline Kagha

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Posted Mar 11 2012 - 03:53 PM

Pffffftt from the get-go I knew Amph was going to be Subject 39. You made it subtle, Fern, I'll give you that, but nothing gets by the Kaghs. I knew something was up the moment Stiaye noticed the blemish on her shoulder.But why am I discussing the previous chapter? Let's move onto your thirteenth instalment. Honestly, I was expecting something grim -- given the unlucky number this chapter falls on -- but this was more than I could have bargained for. Finally, finally, after a dozen chapters we get the Furies and the Toa (I can't recall, they are Toa Shi, right?) meeting up and getting together and then Hecate and Tageria are just going to take that away from me? For shame, Makuta. For shame.My indignation aside, upon the reunion of Shiri and Stiaye, what was supposed to occur again? She was just meant to kill the last Makuta, correct?And I can only imagine what they have in mind for the Subjects ... T_TAlso, poor Rarin.-Kagha

Edited by Kagha, Mar 11 2012 - 03:54 PM.

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#22 Offline Velox

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Posted Mar 18 2012 - 01:03 AM

Official Epics Critics Club ReviewWith this review I'm going to do something different than I usually do -- usually I give my thoughts on the story as a whole, then get into the nit-picky stuff (or vice versa). Here, I'm going to just go through the story as I read it (as I took notes as I was reading) simply because it's easier. And so, without further ado:The first thing I'll mention is the title: Wings. Definitely very fitting, and it was cool to see things revealed as the story progressed as to why this epic was called Wings. You definitely didn't disappoint.One thing that I really liked about this was the opening. In just the two very first lines you captured the reader, revealing just enough to make them want to continue reading. Which is something I always commend people for when they pull it off. Far too often are stories begun with something boring, some background, or something else that just immediately makes the reader say "I don't want to read this any more." Of course, you did get into a little background, but that was okay because of the way you did it. You set up by telling the reader of Stiaye's feelings and then you proceed to explain why. It's not random or boring, it's important -- important to know why she is satisfied.However, there were a couple things about the little background-summary that I wanted to mention. The first would be when you say "Had Deimos not been destroyed, and Nuju rescued, they would've succeeded." It's not really clear what exactly they would have succeeded at. After going back and reading it again, I assume you're referencing to not being able to hunt down the two Makuta. Still, it would have been better to have been more clear. It's just one of those things that broke the flow of reading, making me go back and re-read as it had been a full paragraph since you mentioned that that is what they were trying to do.[....Aaand unfortunately I had written some stuff after this without saving it, but I accidentally pressed the back-space button (and apparently I wasn't in the text-box) and therefore lost what I had written. So, long story short, this is going to be condensed to what I had written before. In fact, I'm going to bullet point a couple things that I remember]
    [*]Really liked the prologue, and wish I could've seen more of that story. At the same time, however, the prologue did exactly what it was meant to do: set up the plot of the story while hooking the reader in the process, so good job on that.[*]It would be helpful to have a pronunciation guide, just to make sure I'm pronouncing things in my head correctly, but it's not that big of a deal.[*]I do wish you would have stated the location every time you switched scenes, just to make it clear as to where the characters are and to refresh the memory of the reader. I remember having to go back a few times to remember where exactly things were taking place.[*]You wrote "ghostly Fire Toa" in the prologue -- why ghostly?[*]There were a few spacing problems (at one point it goes "They'll betray you in the end, you" and then spaces down a line and continues the sentence). At other times the next paragraph isn't separated with a blank line, making it inconsistent. I'll point out the other times I see this, but for the part of the review that I had already written, I don't want to go back and list them again, sorry. [*]You say "...saved her Kanohi from being shattered -- along with her face." It's obvious what you meant, but still: the wording makes it sound as if she saved her face from shattering. [*]For the beginning of the first chapter: "She's Reviving" -- reviving isn't the best word, IMO, as it makes it sound as if someone was giving her CPR or something and she was revived. [*]You did a really good job describing the hospital in the second paragraph of the first chapter ("She appeared to be...sunlight pour in). Just something I wanted to point out. [*]You said "Still too tired to protest, she let her." -- why wouldn't she? I understand that her character may be that type (as in, someone who doesn't want help or whatever), but that hasn't been developed here, and as such, with no explanation this seems weird. [*]Shortly after you use "didn't mind" quite often, being repetitive -- we get that she didn't care. [*]When you say "...call the spear Tageria had thrown aside, even as she stood" the "even" isn't necessary, and you used it a few times shortly before that.[*]When you first describe the markings on the staff, you describe them as graffiti. This immediately leads the reader to believe that they are unwanted markings -- after all, graffiti is thought of as destruction of property (usually -- can be art, too, but the first thing "graffiti" screams is destructive things gangs and whatnot do). Would be better to describe them as "runes" so it's clear that they should be part of the staff, and then you can substitute that for graffiti later on. [*]Third paragraph into the chapter "sunset" you forgot an "s" in "trader'" -- also, when you say "were one so foolish enough" the "so" is unnecessary.[*]Six paragraphs into the chapter "Sunset" you use "touched that thing" and "touching the thing" within two sentences, as well as using "thing" again a couple sentences later.[*]I really liked all the vague relations you made to the chapter headings, as well as the chapter headings in general. [*]You say "Shiri had a sickening feeling in her "stomach" as she asked..." -- stomach shouldn't be in quotation marks. I know why you used them, but it's just better not to, because while Bionicle beings don't have stomachs, really, then they couldn't have those sickening feelings either. =P Basically, it just brings up a bunch of questions, distracting from the story. [/list]And now we return to our regular programming (aka, the part I had not written/lost before):

    “Something wrong?” she inquired, frowning towards her friend. Amphitrite quickly hid her trepidation and said, “No; nothing’s wrong. I’m fine, Sti.”

    You should start another paragraph beginning with "Amphitrite" -- when someone else speaks, you should start a new line/paragraph. Also, the semicolon after "no" should just be a comma.One thing I noticed was that the writing got a little awkward at times. This was because you were trying to focus on too many characters at once. I realize they are all main characters (the Toa), but at the same time, I think you should keep the perspective just from Stiaye, as otherwise the wording just becomes awkward and forced. Also, the beginning of the chapter "Amari" was cool -- a well-written description of an astrologer that I enjoyed.

    Once there, she ignored everything and barged through the front door, letting an errant zephyr slam it shut behind her.

    Cool word, and props for using Greek mythology, but the Greek god Zephyr is a gentle wind -- the west wind (and even if you were not using it in reference to Greek mythology, but just as an "English" word it means a gentle wind as well). Anyway, point is: Zephy wouldn't slam the door shut. Maybe cause it to close gently, but not slam. That would be more of Boreas' -- the cold north wind -- line of work.

    “Where’s Stara?” she asked without preamble. Surprised, the Matoran of Ice hesitated for amoment as he thought it over, and then said aloud, “She’s overseeing the ones on Notus. There’s a group of them on the beach right now, if my timing’s correct; in for lunch. You can ask them to bring you to Notus, if you want.”

    The spacing got messed up here, but there should be a new line after "preamble" anyway, since a new person is speaking. Also, shortly after this (where the XxX is), you had some good characterization of Turaga Stara -- well done there.

    This couldn’t be good since it meant the Nightborn themselves might be involved as well.

    Awkward writing for description -- it'd be fine for a character to say this, but to have "this couldn't be good" written is too informal. A little while later you mention converting stone records into the computer. I just find this odd -- why straight from stone to computer? Why not paper first? I mean, for us, ancient writing used to be on stone. Then papyrus, paper, etc., and now it's moving to computers. It seems fair that the Bionicle universe would be similar.

    Like a movie camera shifting the focus, her eyes were pulled away

    Just thought this was a cool simile here. Good job. Same with a little later when you say "Like inanimate sentinels for the people inside, two statues flanked the entrance..."

    as her pack was back in her home and the missing article might arouse suspicions.

    Really? It sounds like there are thousands of articles -- would they really be checked that often that one would arouse suspision if lost?

    reach the rendezvous point from there.”As Kya edged past another set of shelves,

    Forgot an extra spacing there.

    Can you distract him? Mislead him? she demanded of the Light Toa spirit. Shiri managed to float above her fear and shakily replied, I can distract him, but misleading him would be impossible.

    Again, spacing. You should start a new lead after "Shiri" because another person is talking.

    Two of them; a Toa of Stone and a Toa of Fire.

    Spacing got messed up here -- "Fire." should be in the line above.

    Bism persisted. “Kya, what would a Makuta’s puppet want with that thing?”

    This seemed unnatural. He just learned her name for the first time, yet he says it like nothing's new.

    “Sure,” the older male grumbled. “And Makika toads will fly before she shows up when she saysshe will.”

    Again, spacing got messed up.I really liked the scene from Gerilmi from "The metal table was cold....but it was grim and self-mocking" (one section separated by XxX's). Very well-done and cool to read.

    “Is there a reason why you disobeyed orders?” She sounded more disappointed that angry, and Rarin took heart in that as he asked, “You remember the Project, Master?”

    Again, since two different people are talking, these should be separated into different "paragraphs"/lines. Aaand another cool scene at the beginning of "An Unexpected Detour" where Kya is dreaming. Very well-done again.

    “But we are currently trying to sort out what’s been going on. Could you wait a few minutes for us to give our confessions?”

    Seemed like unnatural dialogue -- people don't really talk that way (it's too nice =P).

    “Yes, Master.” Just before he could break the connection, Hecate added, “Rarin? Your reward will be given when we achieve our goal. The thing you want most will be yours soon enough.”

    Again, two people talking=two paragraphs/lines.

    “Ah, shaddup!” snarled the speaker, and everyone glared at the abashed critic while the former swigged down more of his rum. “Az Ah wuz sayin’, dey had doez parts of ehm, and dey let deh thunda’cat off its leash. It chased uz, an’ I told deh boss, ‘Now ya dun it; wen’ an got de spirits riled up. Ah told ya dat funky spear wit doez carvin’s wuz truble!’”

    Very good job with the dialect here -- adds some interesting character to this...well, character. =P But anyway, very well done, and a good idea: it's' cool to have different people speaking different ways in a story.

    “Guess I dozed off,” she muttered, climbing to her feet with the song still echoing in her head. “What happened after I left?”

    "Left" isn't the best word to describe dozing off -- it implies that she actually went somewhere when, in fact, she was there but just not listening. Also, around this point, the song was really cool and well-written. Fit into the story nicely and added to the overall story.Overall I really enjoyed reading this. You had an interesting plot, cool characters, and your writing was quite enjoyable. I was particularly interested in the Matoran with claws/wings/etc. -- I thought that was a cool idea and you pulled it off quite well. As for the other characters, I felt as if I didn't know them as well as I should, which was probably due to not having read any previous stories. I understand that this is a sequel, so it's not really criticism, but I do wish they would've been exanded upon more here, for those that hadn't read the previous epics. Still, as I said before, this was a very enjoyable read (and the first epic I've read here in a while...I am very glad it was something of this high standard). Keep writing, and I look forward to reading more stories by you. (I apologize if there was any weird-wording or anything that sounded mean or something, but losing a big part of the review and being tired kinda had me in a frustrated mood =P This story really was quite good, so I just tried to find everything I could in order to make it the best it can be)Posted Image
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"As a writer you ask yourself to dream while awake." ~ Aimee Bender


#23 Offline toafirethemighty

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Posted Mar 26 2012 - 08:52 PM

An excellent Chapter 13. The reunion scene between Kya and Bism with Amphitrite was very touching. Very cool battle scent between the Toa and the Makuta, and listening to "Yogensha" by Yasaharu Takanashi while reading it gave me the mooselumps.When's the next chapter?
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#24 Offline Inferna Firesword

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Posted Aug 31 2012 - 12:15 AM

New chapter, ladies and gentlemen!@Krayzikk: That is exactly why I like writing for Hecate: she's clever and she's got everything on a string. Where will it go? Only I (and her) know that. :P@Reep: To my knowledge, its not a common trope. Then again, I haven't been looking into that.@Kagha: We'll see about that. :P Stiaye's team technically doesn't have a name yet, though that's mostly because Toa Shi doesn't fit them and I can't come up with one that does. As for the Subjects -- well, read the chapter.@Velox: Hoo boy. I won't bother going through all that for fear of ruining my sleeping habits, but thanks for the review and pointing all that stuff out! ^^@toafire: Thank you!Anybody care to guess where the Nightborn are heading? Those that know the geography of my MU will probably be able to figure it out. :evilgrin:-Inferna
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Thanks for the memories, BZP. Time for me to leave.


#25 Offline toafirethemighty

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Posted Oct 21 2012 - 01:01 PM

>.<This is what I get for not going on BZPower for a long time. Aargh! I've missed so much.This was an awesome chapter. In fact, it was so awesome my head exploded. Twice. Man, I can't wait for the next chapter. I am excited! Keep up the engaging writing style, the interesting characters, and all around good work!
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