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Bionicle: The Legend Exploded

TLReloaded crazy awesome parody

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#41 Offline hervanax

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Posted May 25 2012 - 03:36 PM

Jutan nodded. “Yeah, but I got better."hydraxon quote “Dah point is, if you choose to fight us, your friends will be sleeping with dah lava eels tonight, if you catch my drift.”i am pretty sure lava eels are native to the mata nui robot not bara magnawell i cant wate to see how this battle ends up
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#42 Offline TNTOS

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Posted May 30 2012 - 09:06 AM

Jutan nodded. “Yeah, but I got better."hydraxon quote“Dah point is, if you choose to fight us, your friends will be sleeping with dah lava eels tonight, if you catch my drift.”i am pretty sure lava eels are native to the mata nui robot not bara magnawell i cant wate to see how this battle ends up

1) Jutan is a plagiarist :o2) I only loosely follow BIONICLE canon in this story, so I don't see the point in pointing this out :PAnyway, it's Wednesday again, so I don't even need to tell you what that means:

Chapter XV: Epic Battle

Subtitle: This chapter was brought to you by the letter ‘A’, for Awesome

The upcoming battle between Mata Nui and his friends and Dah Element Lords is too epic to show immediately. In order to make the transition as smooth as possible on your fragile human brain, we will show you Tarduk’s documentary on Bara Magna’s ancient civilizations that existed thousands and thousands of years ago:Tarduk (off-screen): The ancient civilizations of Bara Magna were powerful and widespread. The territory of the Ancient Peoples existed from my lawn to the back door -- a very large area. Each day archeologists are constantly finding new things to add depth to our knowledge of the Ancient Peoples’ culture.A picture showed an Agori that looked suspiciously like Tarduk digging a hole in the ground.Tarduk: Yet despite this, our knowledge of the ancients remains astonishingly incomplete. What their favorite cereal was, what kind of movies they watched, whether they liked My Little Pony: Friend is Magic, and what color underwear they wore, among other important questions.The scene changed, showing an Agori standing in the ruins of a temple on top of a mountain.Tarduk: But we will not be discussing any of that today. To be as boring as possible, we will talk about the history of the donut among the Ancient Peoples.The next scene showed a dumb-looking Agori that suspiciously looked like Tarduk taking a bite out of a very moldy-looking donut.Tarduk: The donut was first created by Kristopher Kreme approximately five billion years ago. It was a total accident, for Kreme had been trying unsuccessfully to create the first fried chicken with cake mix in order to disprove the theory of reincarnation by nuclear fusion. Instead, he ended up creating the donut.A new picture appeared which showed a bloody battlefield with a single donut lying on top of a pile of corpses (all of which looked suspiciously looked like Tarduk).Tarduk: The donut was such a tasty food that it led to the Great Donut War of 1563, which resulted in the deaths of countless lives. Everyone wanted it, but they didn’t want to share it with everyone else. Hence the War, which, etymologically-speaking, is where the common war cry “Raw is War!” came from, for raw donuts were fought over in a war.The screen now showed two Agori that looked suspiciously like Tarduk shaking hands, although one of them had his fingers crossed behind his back.Tarduk: But when the War ended, everyone saw how terrible it had been. So all of the peoples of Bara Magna decided never to war over donuts again. In fact, for the first several centuries following the end of the war, donuts were banned in almost all countries except Happy Happy Funtime Land. This was to prevent the Second Great Donut War, or GBWII, for those first few centuries saw the increase of instability and strife over the entire planet.The last scene showed the same Agori that looked suspiciously as before eating that same moldy donut.Tarduk: But eventually, the War was forgotten and donuts became legal in all countries again. It has sense become a symbol of childhood obesity, which is why it is now under attack from concerned parents who want it banned to protect their children from its fat-inducing sugariness.One last scene showed some Agori that looked suspiciously like Tarduk in court, with a donut sitting in the defendant’s chair, as though being accused.Tarduk: That is all for this week’s installment of “Ancient Bara Magna.” Please join us next week when we discuss the religious significance of the Day of the Banana, an important religious holiday among the Sandy Agori, which is the most interesting subject ever.-To say that the Great Volcano Night Club had been totally annihilated was not an exaggeration. It was actually an understatement. The Great Volcano Night Club had been obliterated, smashed, incinerated, destroyed, and last of all annihilated (well, okay, maybe it wasn’t an understatement) beyond all recognition by the fights between Mata Nui and his allies and Dah Element Lords.It would probably destroy your mind if I tried to focus on every fight at once, so instead we’ll just use the usual format and focus on one fight at a time. This is not a particularly economical use of words and scenes, but I think most people care about their sanity, so there.Anyway, Ackar was battling Dah Element Lord of Ice, who for the sake of clarity and conciseness we will refer to as Xocion. Yes, we know Dah Element Lords do not have official names in the story, but it would be tedious and boring to refer them as ‘Dah Element Lord of [insert element here]’ all the time, although this comedy is rather tedious and boring at times, so maybe it wouldn’t be as inappropriate as we thought.But we are not here to discuss semantics and syntax. Instead, we are going to watch Ackar and Xocion fight each other awesomely, which I am sure is the only reason anyone reads this fic. It’s so absurdly written that the awesome fight scenes can be the only reason anyone would read this piece of trash.Ackar ducked to avoid Xocion’s ice spear, which was so cold that it literally froze the air around it. Ackar then leg-swept Xocion, but Dah Element Lord rolled when he hit the ground and was back on his feet immediately, only a few feet away from Ackar.“Nice try, old man, but I am afraid your time is up,” said Xocion. He had a strangely high-pitched voice, although he was clearly trying to deepen it to make himself sound more threatening (and failing miserably). “You cannot defeat an Element Lord, much less an Element Lord of the Ice!”“What’s the Ice?” asked Ackar.“No idea,” said Xocion with a shrug. “I just thought it sounded cooler than just 'Ice.'”“Hiya!” said Ackar suddenly, hurling his sword at Xocion.As Ackar’s blade went spinning through the air, it burst into flames, which got hotter and hotter the faster it flew. The blade struck Xocion in the chest and, without warning, exploded, totally vaporizing Xocion’s very body, which happened to be made of ice.“Ha! Take that!” said Ackar, pumping his fist.But to Ackar’s surprise (although not to mine), a blizzard tornado swirled in the spot where Xocion had once stood. In a few seconds Xocion lived again; in fact, he actually looked stronger. The flames on the ground around him actually froze because he was so cold.“You cannot defeat us Element Lords that easily, old man,” said Xocion. “We are dah elements themselves. To kill us, you would have to destroy dah universe itself!”Ackar picked up his sword, which he had apparently gotten back somehow, and said, “Destroy the universe itself, eh? I doubt I’ll even have to destroy this planet to destroy you, frosty.”“How dare you confuse me with my cousin!” Xocion raged. “He is a fat, morbidly obese snowman, while I am a slender, attractive-“Exactly what he was, he never got to say, for Ackar rushed up and stabbed Xocion in the chest. But again Xocion did not appear hurt. Instead, he actually punched Ackar in the face, sending Ackar stumbling backwards in the earth. Ackar hit the ground so hard that he created a small crater.Xocion pulled Ackar’s sword out of his chest and tossed it aside as he looked down at the fallen warrior. “You can’t beat us, Ackar. Not you or your friends or anyone else.”Ackar got to his knees, not ready to give up.“I am not ready to give up,” Ackar said.I just said that, dim-wit.“Shut up, Mr. Narrator,” said Ackar. “You aren’t part of this.”Okay, then. I will just stand by and make sarcastic commentary, as I usually do.“Darn right you will,” said Ackar. Then he turned back to Xocion and said, “You may be tough – and I respect toughness – but I am tougher. So let’s fight!”A sword made of flames burst into existence in Ackar’s hands and he and Xocion immediately started sword-fighting. As this battle did not seem to be coming to an end anytime soon, let’s go see what the others are doing.-Whoa. Weird scene change.Anyway, Kiina was battling Dah Element Lord of Water, Jutan. I would make a sarcastic comment about how he came back to life, but as that joke had been made last chapter, I will simply content myself with watching the fight.Jutan created a tidal wave, which he sent crashing into Kiina. But Kiina stood her ground and actually literally pushed the wave back into Jutan. No, she seriously held out her hands and somehow held the tons and tons of water from going any further. I am trying to convey the literalness of this scene that I had to use both ‘actually’ and ‘literally’ to describe it.“Fool!” said Jutan as he absorbed the wave back into him. “You could have joined me, but you chose to fight against me and my allies! Why?”“Why?” said Kiina. She stopped and thought about that for a moment. “Hmm. Don’t know. Guess I just don’t like you.”“That’s stupid,” Jutan said.“If you think that’s stupid, then you’re think this is idiotic!” Kiina yell as she slammed her hands together and then punched the earth.At first, nothing happened. Then the earth cracked open and Hades himself emerged from the fissure, wearing a bathrobe and looking very annoyed.“Who dares open a gateway to the Underworld?” Hades demanded, looking from Kiina to Jutan.Kiina immediately pointed at Jutan. “He did.”“Then I shall banish you to the depth of Tartarus for all eternity, and BEYOND!” Hades declared as he bent over to pick up Jutan.But Jutan jumped onto Hade’s arm and ran up to his face (see, Hades is in giant form right now, so he’s bigger than everyone else). Jutan summoned a fist of water and smashed it in Hades’ face, causing the god of the Underworld to scream in pain as water daggers embedded themselves in his skin.Then Jutan created a hammer of water and smashed Hades on the head with it, which sent Hades plummeting back down into the Underworld. Hades smashed into the ground of the Underworld, which created such an epic explosion that the Underworld opened fully, unleashing all of the ghosts that had lived in there upon the world.That, however, was not important, for Jutan was now flying in the air. He cried, “I shall rain on you, Kiina, and you shall get wet!”With that, Jutan exploded into a rain cloud and immediately started raining on Kiina. That was all he appeared to do, until Kiina felt little pricks in her skin wherever the rain hit.“Ouch!” she said as she jumped here and there, trying to avoid the rain but failing because it was everywhere. “Ouch! Rain doesn’t hurt this bad!”The reason the rain hurt her was because she was not being pelted with raindrops. In actuality, the raindrops were merely multiple tiny, almost microscopic Jutans, stabbing Kiina where they could when they landed on her.Indeed, Kiina seemed incapable of stopping the rain until she got an idea.“I’ve got an idea!” she exclaimed.I am not going to say it. I'm just not.Anyway, Kiina began spinning her trident faster and faster, ignoring the stings from the mini-Jutans’ spears. Finally, she managed to create a hurricane and Hurricane Kiina lived once more.Using the power of her hurricane, Kiina sucked in Jutan’s rain cloud and then hurled it far away from where they battled. The rain cloud hit the ground and exploded which unleashing a lightning bolt that would have fried Kiina had she not deflected it with the back of her hand and sent the bolt flying into space. The lightning bolt hit the starship Enterprise as it flew by the planet, which caused the ship’s engines to fail and caused the Enterprise to crash into a nearby planet and exploded, killing everyone on it.“Take that,” said Kiina.But then the earth cracked open yet again, revealing a bubbling spring. From within the spring rose Jutan; except this time, he was huge, bigger than the entire Great Volcano Night Club. His entire body shimmered and moved like water, for that was what it was made out of.“That was fun,” said Jutan. “My turn.”-Oris shot an arrow of blazing energy at Dah Element Lord of Jungle, Resata. The arrow struck Resata in the shoulder, sending energy burning through Resata’s form, but Resata was not weak. He absorbed the energy and turned his pain into his most powerful weapon, which allowed him to create an entire jungle around Oris.But Oris had been expecting this. He gave a loud, ear-piercing bellow, which incinerated the jungle that Resata had created. It also pierced Resata’s ears, which was a big insult to him.“How dare you pierce my ears!” Resata said, feeling the tiny holes in his ears. “I am a manly man! Manly men do not pierce their ears! Ear piercings are for girls!”Disclaimer: Resata’s views do not reflect the views of the author. The author has no problems with men who pierce their ears and doesn’t think ear piercings are only for girls.“If that’s true, then I guess that makes you a wimpy girl,” Oris said.Disclaimer: Oris’s views do not reflect the views of the author. The author does not believe girls are wimpy, nor that being a girl automatically makes you wimpy.“I am no girl!” Resata shouted as he created an axe out of plants. “I will kill you and eat your brains!”Disclaimer: Resata’s threats do not reflect the views of the author. The author does not support murder and has no interest in brain-eating, which he thinks is disgusting and weird.“Not unless I kill you and eat your brains first!” Oris yelled as he fired a hundred billion arrows at Resata.Disclaimer: Oris’s retorts do not reflect the views of the author. The author is not an advocate of murder and does not like to eat brains, which he thinks is weird and disgusting.Anyway, the hundred billion arrows flew at Resata, but Resata twisted his body at just the right angle to dodge all of the arrows. This would have been a clever, albeit impossible, move, had the arrows not been heat-seekers. As soon as Resata dodged them, the arrows turned around in midair and struck him in the back.This would have been enough to kill an ordinary being, but Resata was not an ordinary being (is anyone ordinary in this comedy?). Instead, he absorbed the arrows into his being, for they were made of wood and wood comes from plants. Therefore Resata can control arrows, although why he didn’t do that before is a mystery. Perhaps he’s just stupid.Anyway, Resata had too much built-up energy in his body now. So he unleashed it in one big blast at Oris.But Oris was prepared for that. He actually caught the energy and somehow transformed it into an arrow made of pure energy. He fired it at Resata and, when the arrow connected with his body, Resata exploded in a fiery explosion of death and destruction and happy stuff like that.“I never did like the color green,” said Oris, who brushed dirt off of his green armor.Oris’s hypocritical one liner was too early, however, for a small flower popped out of the ground at his feet. Oris thought about plucking the flower and burning it when it suddenly exploded into tons of vines, which wrapped themselves around Oris’s body. Oris struggled to break free, but it seemed that Resata had him at last.“Now, Oris, I will teach you just what the color green can do!” Resata’s voice said evilly, coming from the vines that held Oris captive.-Bucket-head narrowly avoided the sharp, dagger-like claws of Torxus, Dah Element Lord of Rock. Torxus’s claws dug through the earth, ripping huge chunks into the air that he hit at Bucket-head.Bucket-head jumped from chunk to chunk as they flew at him, until he was within reach of Torxus. Then he slashed at Torxus, his sword tearing huge chunks of rock from Torxus’s face. Torxus screamed in pure agony as Bucket-head landed a few feet away.“How’s that feel?” said Bucket-head, turning around to face Dah Element Lord again. “Maybe you should run back to mommy.”But then Torxus’s face regenerated and he was no longer screaming in pain. Instead, he looked extremely mad.“How dare you insult Mum!” said Torxus, who for some reason had a British accent. “I will crush your stupid Skrall head and then eat it and spit it out because it tastes so horrible!”“For once, I’m glad there’s something stupid about me,” Bucket-head replied. “I’d rather not taste good.”Torxus roared and charged Bucket-head. But Bucket-head jumped into the air to avoid Torxus’s attack; however, Torxus was smarter than his British accent let on, for as he passed underneath Bucket-head he slammed headfirst into the Skrall floating in midair. This sent Bucket-head flying up so fast that he crashed through a cloud, shattering it into a million pieces.But then gravity realized what was going on and Bucket-head started falling right before he left the atmosphere. Bucket-head curled into a ball and started spinning really stupidly fast as he fell. In fact, he was moving so fast that he destroyed another cloud on his way down – which, by the way, had been Zeus’s favorite cloud.“Darn you, Bucket-head!” Zeus yelled, shaking his fist at the falling Skrall. “You destroyed my cloud! For that I shall smite thee!”Zeus hurled a lightning bolt at Bucket-head, but rather than destroy the Skrall, the lightning bolt was absorbed into him. This turned Bucket-head into the Lightning Skrall. Add this to the fact that he was falling at a million miles per hour, spinning like crazy, and it was no surprise that Torxus exploded into trillions of pieces when Bucket-head collided into him.Bucket-head quickly jumped back to his feet and looked around. He had accidentally created a huge hole that led to the center of the earth from smashing into Torxus, but it didn’t matter.Good thing that’s over with, Bucket-head thought as he shook his head. Maybe this comedy will end before someone makes another condescending joke about me.Bucket-head was sorely mistaken because he’s stupid.Okay, so I was wrong, Bucket-head thought, annoyed. The narrator just had to prove me wrong, didn’t he?Yes, I did.Oh, shut up.Only if you will.You’re a- ah, never mind, Bucket-head thought. I don’t need to talk to you. I just killed an Element Lord, so-I wouldn’t be so sure of that.Why do you say that? Bucket-head asked/thought.Because I am pretty sure he’s coming up right behind you.Pff, yeah, right, Bucket-head thought. That’s the oldest trick in the book. I’m not that stupid.It was just then that Torxus – who really had been coming up behind Bucket-head – punched Bucket-head in the back. Bucket-head went flying and crashed into the ground, which caused an earthquake somewhere in Los Angles. Why? Because I don’t like L.A.“Silly, obstinate Skrall!” said Torxus, flexing his claws like he thought it looked cool. “You think you have the brawn necessary to best me? That’s brilliant.”Bucket-head just groaned, for Torxus’s previous blow had been really painful.“But you don’t need to fight me,” said Torxus as he extended a hand to Bucket-head. “Join me, and together we will rule the-““Hey, we already made that reference,” said Bucket-head. “People will think we’re repetitive if we make the same reference twice.”“Oh, I see,” said Torxus. “Well, then I’ll just kill you. Is that repetitive?”“I don’t think so,” said Bucket-head. “At least, no more repetitive than everything else in this comedy.”“Die!” Torxus shouted as he ran at Bucket-head.-As fun as it would have been to watch Torxus beat up Bucket-head (yeah, I get to make fun of him even when he isn’t around), we need to see what the other combatants are doing. Specifically, we’ll see what Tera and Likus are doing, since we haven’t seen their battle yet.Tera and Likus were fighting Etora, Dah Element Lord of Sand. Etora was sort of like Pigpen from Peanuts except more violent and not drawn by Charles Schulz. If his missing hand meant anything, Etora had probably been drawn by Stuart Sayger.That wasn’t important at the moment, however. Etora was sending sand tornadoes at Tera and Likus, who ducked and dodged and did whatever they could to avoid Etora’s attacks. They even tap danced once, which proved rather effective at dodging Etora’s sand tornadoes.“Stay still!” Etora growled, his thick Russian accent obvious. “I want to kill you and rip you apart and eat you and stuff!”“Eat us? That’s cannibalism!” said Likus as he did a triple back flip to avoid a blast of sand from Etora.“No, it’s not,” said Etora. “I am an Element Lord and you two are Glatorian. Different species.”“It’s still gross,” Likus insisted. Then he suddenly tensed and said, “Watch out!”Etora stupidly turned around and found a sawed-off shotgun in his face. Tera pulled the trigger, blasting Etora’s head into sand.Tera and Likus were about to throw a victory party when Etora’s head suddenly reformed. He then punched Tera, sending the Glatorian flying into a convenient Rock Wall TM. Tera slumped to the ground, unconscious.“Tera!” Likus said. He drew his baseball bat with the nail driven through it and said to Etora, “I am going to kill you!”Likus ran at Etora and started hitting him repeatedly with his bat, over and over again, so many times that any normal being would have been totally obliterated from existence by the sheer amount of times Likus hit him. But Etora was Dah Element Lord of Sand and as such his body was made out of the substance, so he simply turned his body into sand wherever Likus tried to hit, effectively making it impossible for any of Likus’s blows to connect.“Done yet?” Etora yawned.“No!” said Likus. “Take this!”Likus charged his bat with unlimited energy and then swung it so hard into Etora’s side that the bat caught Etora’s sand. Spinning around, Likus hurled Etora’s sandy form into space so fast that Etora smashed into the moon and exploded. The moon, that is, although Etora probably exploded, too.“Take that!” said Likus. “Oh, I am so awesome, I am so awesome, I am so-“Just then, a dust storm blew through, causing Likus to cover his eyes to avoid getting sand in them. He blinked hard and when he opened his eyes Etora was standing there, except this time he was in the form of a giant dragon.“That’s not cool,” said Likus.“Actually, it is,” said Etora. “Now get ready to die in true Russian spirit!”-Of all of the fights, Mata Nui’s battle with Slacuvun – Dah Element Lord of Fire, in case you’re interested – was probably the most action-packed. In fact, they were both radiating so much energy that it was impossible for any other living thing to exist in their radius. A little fly accidentally flew too close to the scene of their fight and exploded into green flames that transformed into little birds that immediately evolved into dinosaurs which exploded again, this time for good.Slacuvun slashed at Mata Nui, but Mata Nui blocked the sword with his 40k MGA. But Slacuvun’s sword set Mata Nui’s gun on fire, but that didn’t matter because Mata Nui’s gun absorbed the fire and Mata Nui fired it at Slacuvun, who re-absorbed the blast because it was fire and he was made out of fire and . . . ugh, this is getting hard to follow.“You cannot defeat fire itself!” Slacuvun said as he tried to stab Mata Nui.“What a coincidence!” said Mata Nui as he jumped on Slacuvun’s sword. “You cannot defeat awesomeness itself!”Mata Nui reared back and kicked Slacuvun. But the blow never connected, for Slacuvun’s head exploded into flames before Mata Nui’s foot connected, causing Mata Nui to kick a hole in the fabric of the universe instead.Then Slacuvun’s skull-like head exploded into existence and he hurled Mata Nui – who had still been standing on his sword – into the sky. Mata Nui twisted in midair and landed on a cloud. Coincidentally, Zeus happened to be sitting in that cloud, looking upset.“Hey, Zeus, what’s up?” asked Mata Nui.“Oh, it’s just that stupid Skrall,” said Zeus, folding his arms and pouting like a little kid. “He broke my favorite cloud.”“He did? That’s mean,” said Mata Nui sympathetically.“I know,” said Zeus. “And when I tried to smite him, he just absorbed the lightning bolt! I mean, if even a stupid Skrall can absorb my lightning, what good am I? Mata Nui, am I losing my groove?”“No, you’re not,” said Mata Nui. “You smote that town a few weeks ago that didn’t want to sacrifice their children to you, didn’t you? A god who has lost his groove couldn’t do that.”“Gee, thanks, Mata Nui,” said Zeus. “Why, I feel so good, I could smite some mortals! Ho-“Just then, the cloud caught on fire and started falling. Startled, Mata Nui looked down and saw Slacuvun standing on the ground, looking annoyed.“Uh oh, Zeus, gotta go,” said Mata Nui. “I’m the middle of an epic fight, you see, and so I can’t-““May I smite him?” asked Zeus, gesturing at Slacuvun. “He burned my cloud throne!”“No, not yet,” said Mata Nui, shaking his head. “But after this, if Bucket-head is still alive, you can smite him if you want.”“Cool,” said Zeus. “Bye, Mata Nui. Go kick that obstinate mortal’s fiery behind for me!”Mata Nui nodded and then jumped off of the cloud. Slacuvun tried shooting one hundred trillion fire bolts at Mata Nui, but Mata Nui managed to absorbed them all into his 40k MGA. As he landed, Mata Nui aimed his gun at Slacuvun.“See you in the Underworld,” Mata Nui said, pulling the trigger.Mata Nui’s 40k MGA can absorb an enemy’s attacks and hurl them back at the enemy, except at 1,000 times their usual strength. Thus, Mata Nui unleashed the combined force of one hundred trillion fire bolts at 1,000 times their usual strength at Slacuvun, which sounds pretty impressive, doesn’t it?Exactly what happened when the fire hit Slacuvun, I can’t say. All that seemed to happen was the universe shone like a shining white eagle for a moment and when the light cleared, Slacuvun was nowhere to be seen.“Smoke that, Slacky!” said Mata Nui as he spun his gun around and put it on his shoulder. “That is what you get for waking up in Vegas!”Mata Nui was just about to go and find a snack bar when the earth split. Hundreds of thousands of billions of trillions of fiery demons rose from the pit, but they did not attack. Instead, they combined their forms in a blinding flash of light. And when the light faded, Mata Nui was looking at a Balrog with Slacuvun’s face.“What, exactly, do I get for waking up in Vegas?” Slacuvun growled.“Uh,” said Mata Nui, “the end of the chapter?”“Oh,” said Slacuvun. “Well, that’s not too bad. This chapter was getting too long, anyway.”Indeed it was. But I will leave you on this cliffhanger: Will Mata Nui and pals defeat Dah Element Lords? Do they have the strength and power to slay those who appeared to be undefeatable? Am I just building up suspense for the heck of it?Tune in next week, readers, for the exciting answers to all of these questions and more in the next installment of BIONICLE: The Legend Exploded!Commentary:

Tarduk: Yet despite this, our knowledge of the ancients remains astonishingly incomplete. What their favorite cereal was, what kind of movies they watched, whether they liked My Little Pony: Friend is Magic, and what color underwear they wore, among other important questions.

I am of the opinion that they weren't bronies, myself, but the evidence seems to weigh against it.Also, readers of the last comedy will recall that Tarduk gave a similar documentary right before the big epic battle. I imagine I'll be doing another Tarduk mockumentary in the next comedy, but there's no guarantee (or is there?).

He then punched Tera, sending the Glatorian flying into a convenient Rock Wall TM.

Convenient Rock Walls TM are located at a mountain near you!-TNTOS-

Edited by TNTOS, May 31 2012 - 07:10 PM.

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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

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#43 Offline hervanax

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Posted May 31 2012 - 03:18 PM

Tarduk taking a bit out of a very moldy-looking donutbite not bita blizzard tornado swirled in the spot where Xocion had once stood. In a few seconds Xocion lived again;i emedeitly thought of the first book where the shadow toa of ice came back In actuality, the raindrops were merely multiple tiny, almost microscopic Jutansits raining Jutans hallelujah the lightning bolt was absorbed into him.his helmet must act like a lightning rod “People will think we’re repetitive if we make the same reference twice."to late we already dolong chapter is long
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#44 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Jun 06 2012 - 08:54 AM

So it's Wednesday again, which means it's time for another chapter, which means I've already said this thing before but I really don't know what else to say, so here's the next chapter:

Chapter XVI: The Epic Conclusion

Subtitle: Not!

Xocion slashed and stabbed. Ackar slashed and stabbed. Neither appeared to be overpowering the other, for they were too evenly matched. Xocion was younger and faster, but Ackar was awesomer, which evened things out a bit (even though 'awesomer' isn't a word).Ackar leaped over Xocion’s head and tried to stab him in the back (literally), but Xocion saw that coming and blocked the blow with his sword.But this was a trick, for Ackar charged the power of the Purest of Flames through his Almighty Fist of Fire and punched Xocion in the stomach with it. He charged all of his fire into this one attack, which was so powerful that it actually started transmuting Xocion’s ice into flame. And Ackar wasn’t even using a transmutation circle, either.“What . . . what are you doing?” Xocion demanded, his voice becoming more distant and echo-like. “I can’t feel my toes anymore!”“You always liked the cold, Xocion,” said Ackar as he continually charged fire into Dah Element Lord. “And I will admit sometimes the cold is good. But you forgot to understand the pure, bright, and elderly power of the Flame! Hiya!”With that, Ackar unleashed a gigantic burst of fire that was so powerful that it completely and totally incinerated Xocion’s icy form. In fact, it was so hot that when Xocion tried to reform again, the fire just melted him again and again until he gave up. As Xocion couldn’t reform anymore, his spirit tried to possess Ackar’s body instead.But Ackar’s body was shining and burning with so much righteous heat that even Xocion’s ghost couldn’t possess him. Ackar burped loudly, sending Xocion’s ghost flying into the farthest reaches of space and into a black hole, which exploded, thus destroying Xocion forever and forever.“That was easy,” said Ackar. “Now where are my prunes?”-Jutan stomped on Kiina. But as Jutan was made of water, Kiina ended up inside his huge foot. So she started swimming around his body, but there was not much she could do in there.It annoyed Jutan, however, who said, “Get out of my body! Hey, that tickles!”Kiina’s trident had touched part of Jutan’s thigh, which had tickled him. So that tickles, huh? Wonder if this tickles!Kiina stabbed her trident into that same area, this time with more force. Jutan didn’t giggle this time; instead, he roared with pain as Kiina continually stabbed him, over and over again, in the thigh. Exactly how Kiina’s solid metal trident was stabbing Jutan’s thigh made out of water . . . ah, never mind. Trying to make reasonable and sound answers to every single one of this comedy’s leaps in logic will just fry your mind, so don’t do it.Jutan made a deep grunt and a water spout in his body slammed into Kiina. The spout sent Kiina flying out of Jutan’s body. Kiina flipped over and over again in midair and then punched the air. Somehow this sent a giant fist made of air at Jutan, which struck him so hard that his giant water body exploded, creating a short-lived rain storm.Kiina landed on the ground just as Jutan reformed, although this time he was smaller.“Good try, Kiina,” said Jutan. “We could have been more than friends if you hadn’t been with Mata Nui!”“Um, we were never friends,” said Kiina. “Ever.”“I know,” said Jutan. “I was just saying that to mess with you.”“You’re sick,” said Kiina.“You’re sicker!” said Jutan as he ran at her, his hooks drawn.This time, however, Kiina was ready for him. As Jutan ran at her, Kiina leapt into the air and spun so fast that she became a drill. She then somehow flew through the air, flying around and around Jutan (who had yet to realize what was going on) and then spun straight through him. Her body had created so much heat from the movement that she actually vaporized his watery body, causing him to cry out in pain as his body turned into steam.Kiina stopped and staggered on the ground before regaining her balance.“Ugh, I think I’m going to be sick,” she said.Kiina did not notice the tendrils of steam that were now bearing down on her; at least, she didn’t appear to, until she whirled around and actually punched the steam tendrils. She punched them so hard that the tendrils solidified and then broke into pieces like glass as Jutan’s tortured voice echoed throughout the land as he was finally defeated.“Too easy,” said Kiina. “Piece of cake.”-Oris struggled against Resata’s bonds, but it was no good. The vines were too thick, too strong, for a mere mortal to break.But Oris was no mere mortal. Flexing his muscles, he yelled, “I call upon the hotness of Orlando Bloom to give me strength! Hiya!”Angels sang out as the heavens burst forth and a holy beam of light struck Oris. But it did not hurt him. It made him stronger. It gave him enough strength to rip through Resata’s vines as he bellowed incomprehensibly.“No!” Resata shouted. “You can’t break free!”“Oh, I can,” said Oris as he tore through his bonds. “Or don’t you know that I'm one of the main characters?”With that, Oris flexed his manly muscles one more time, which incinerated the vines. But Resata’s essence managed to escape and reform not far away, back in his usual form. Resata looked enraged, but Oris wasn’t afraid of him. With a simply flick of his wrist, Oris sent Resata flying into the air. Then Oris jumped into the air and brought his foot down on Resata, sending Dah Element Lord smashing into the ground.In fact, Resata broke through so fast that he actually ended up in the place where Gandalf fought the Balrog. As a matter of fact, Gandalf and the Balrog were fighting each other at that moment. But when Resata flew into their midst, they decided to put aside their differences and kick his butt. I cannot say what they did to him, exactly, because it would be too gruesome for this comedy’s target audience. I will just say they used a combination of headphones, The Last Airbender, and crackers to torture Resata gruesomely.But they knew it wasn’t their job to truly kick his butt, so they sent Resata back up to the surface. With that out of the way, the plot of The Lord of the Rings could continue on as normal.Resata broke through the surface and flew through the air. Oris – who had been floating in midair for no particular reason – flew toward Resata. He charged both of his fists with the holy light of Orlando Bloom and, without hesitation, slammed them into Resata’s abdomen.Ordinarily, Resata would have just been sent flying by a punch from Oris. But as the holy light of Orlando Bloom was flowing through Oris’s fists when they truck Dah Element Lord of Jungle, a few interesting things happened.First, Resata’s whole body glowed with energy. Then the energy began tearing Resata’s body apart, piece by piece, as he was blasted into the fifth dimension. And finally, as Resata floated in the endlessness of the fifth dimension, Orlando Bloom himself appeared, except 1,000 times his usual height.“No . . .” Resata breathed, looking upon Orlando Bloom’s gigantic face.But Orlando Bloom said nothing as he aimed his titanic bow at Resata. Orlando Bloom let go of the arrow, which, when it struck Resata, created an explosion the likes of which this comedy has never seen before, thus totally annihilating Resata forever.Back in the normal dimension, Oris had landed on the ground. He dusted off his armor as he said, “Well, that wasn’t so difficult. Thanks, Orlando Bloom.”“No problem,” said Orlando Bloom, who had just appeared out of nowhere. “I am always willing to help a friend whose name begins in ‘O.’”Then Orlando Bloom disappeared, while Oris just stood there, waiting for the scene to change.-As Torxus’s fist came flying at Bucket-head’s head (pun intendedl), Bucket-head ducked and grabbed Torxus’s outstretched arm. He then used Torxus’s own weight against him, slamming Dah Element Lord into the ground so hard that it created an earthquake somewhere in China. Why? Because I dislike China.Disclaimer: The Narrator’s views do not reflect the views of the author. The author doesn’t really dislike China or the Chinese, although he does think they could use a chill pill.But Torxus wasn’t defeated yet. He grabbed Bucket-head and smashed him into the ground. But Bucket-head been expecting this. As he hit the ground, Bucket-head grabbed the earth and literally spun it upside down.“What?” said Torxus, looking down into the endlessness of space that was now below him. “How-?”“Don’t ask me,” said Bucket-head, who was clinging to the earth with all the strength he had. “Now good bye.”Bucket-head shook his legs violently and Torxus – who had been holding onto them – let go and fell. Torxus fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and fell still, until he crashed into the sun.But the sun did not destroy him. Instead, Torxus became one with the sun and tried to destroy Bara Magna.Bucket-head didn’t want Bara Magna destroyed, though. So he flipped the earth right-side up, which caused Bara Magna to hit Sun-Torxus in the face. This killed roughly half the population of the planet, but at least it wasn’t the half our heroes belonged to.The blow was so powerful that it sent Sun-Torxus falling. He was so huge that he actually fell down in space, hitting the ‘floor’ of space and exploding with a ferocity that would have killed everyone in the universe had Bucket-head not contained the sun’s energies and recreated the sun.And so Torxus, Dah Element Lord of Rock, had fallen, although Bucket-head had obviously just gotten lucky.“Lucky?” said Bucket-head incredulously. “You call hitting a sun entity with a freaking planet lucky?”Yes, I do.“I am pretty sure I said Mata Nui was the biggest moron I met,” said Bucket-head. “But I take that back. You, Mr. Narrator, are the biggest moron I have ever met.”Meh. Your insults mean nothing to me. Also you’re stupid.“Never mind,” said Bucket-head. “You aren’t going to listen to me, are you?”Of course not.“Thought so,” said Bucket-head.-Etora the dragon unleashed a blast of sand, for he didn’t have fire breath like most dragons. Instead, he had sand breath, which worked somehow. I don’t know.Likus leapt into the air and began running along the sand breath. Swinging his baseball bat, Likus slammed it into Etora’s head, sending Dah Element Lord/dragon crashing into a conveniently placed Rock Wall TM.While Etora was stunned, Likus went over and revived Tera, who awoke with a start.“Not the beets!” said Tera.“What?” said Likus.“Wait, what?” said Tera, looking around. Then realization seemed to dawn on him. “Oh. This isn’t a dream. Dreams, by the way, scare me.”“I know,” said Likus. He gestured at Etora, who was now getting up, and said, “We’ve still got to kick that guy’s butt.”“Butts scare me,” said Tera.“I know that kicking butts doesn’t scare you, though,” said Likus as he and Tera stood up.“You’re right,” said Tera, nodding. “And you being right scares me.”“Foolish Glatorian!” Etora snarled, now standing. “You think you can defeat me? This is my ultimate, One-Winged Angel form. To defeat me, you would need the strength of the gods!”“Or just really mad air guitar skillz,” said Likus.“What?” said Etora. “I don’t understand.”“No one does,” said Likus. “Tera! Get into the Zone!”Tera nodded and immediately both of them drew their air guitars. As they strung their guitars, a green circle appeared around them, shining green light around them (and I am going to use ‘around them’ one more time just to annoy you).“Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!” said Likus and Tera as they strung their air guitars.Two giant holes appeared in Etora’s sandy body but no matter how hard Etora tried, he couldn’t close them. With horror, Etora realized that Likus and Tera’s air guitars were destroying his body. If he didn’t do something quick, they would totally annihilate him.So, as Likus and Tera said, “Duh, duh, duh, duh,” Etora dashed forward. As he did so, his body dispersed into a dust cloud that went over Likus and Tera. Etora’s plan was to suffocate the two; if they couldn’t make guitar noises with their mouths, then their air guitars would be less effective, if not useless.But Etora forgot that Likus and Tera were in the Zone. The Zone protected them from all outside threats. Even if the universe itself exploded, the Zone would keep them safe so long as they didn’t break concentration.The Zone also destroyed anything that tried to get through, which Etora found out, to his ultimate pain. As soon as his dust cloud form touched the outer edges of the Zone, the sand particles that made up his body began vaporizing one by one. It was only with supreme effort that Etora managed to rip himself away from the Zone, but by the time he did, only one tiny sand particle remained of his form; the particle that contained his consciousness.No matter, Etora thought. I will simply call upon more sand to-But Etora’s plans were severely derailed when a beam of green energy lanced forth from the Zone and struck the last sand particle. This created a minor nuclear explosion that totally destroyed Etora’s essence, without even giving him a chance to scream in pain as his sand particle turned into nothingness.Likus and Tera stopped strumming their air guitars.“Cool!” said Likus.“Sand scares me,” said Tera, “which is why I am happy to see Etora gone.”“Let’s celebrate by doing some more air guitar!” said Likus.And then the two friends started strumming their air guitars again, saying, “Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!” dancing to a tune only they knew.-The Balrog-Slacuvun hybrid thingy towered over Mata Nui, but Mata Nui had fought beings that towered over him before. In fact, experience told Mata Nui that bigger baddies were easier to kill than smaller baddies. This was because bigger baddies had bigger butts, which meant they were easier to kick.So as Balrog-Slacuvun brought his fist down on Mata Nui, the hero rolled out of the way. Balrog-Slacuvun’s fist smashed through the earth, which sent a huge crack running through the center of Bara Magna. Mata Nui then jumped up onto Balrog-Slacuvun’s arm and started running up it, firing bullets from his 40k MGA as he ran.“You fool!” Balrog-Slacuvun roared, his Italian accent now obscured by the monstrous growl his voice had become. “You fool! You think you can defeat me? I am unstoppable!”“Yeah, other guys have said that to me before,” said Mata Nui. “But you know what they didn’t say they were? Undefeatable. They said they were unstoppable, but not undefeatable.”“What’s the difference?” asked Balrog-Slacuvun.“Well,” said Mata Nui, who stopped running up Balrog-Slacuvun’s arm, “unstoppable implies unstoppability, that is, incapable of being halted by something. Undefeatable, on the other hand, means that you cannot be defeated by someone. Both words are often used interchangeably, but there is in fact a very small, though important, distinction between the two.”“Oh,” said Balrog-Slacuvun. “I will have to keep that in mind next time I use ‘unstoppable’ or ‘undefeatable’.”“That’s good to hear,” said Mata Nui. “No one really pays attention to the proper and subtle distinctions between words in the English language anymore. It’s a sad truth, but there it is.”“Semantics is really interesting,” said Balrog-Slacuvun. “You know, back in Italy, we’re a bit more precise with our words than you English-speakers.”“Really?” said Mata Nui. “I haven’t studied Italian very much. It sounds interesting.”“Yes, it is,” Balrog-Slacuvun agreed. “Take, for example-“Uh, guys?“Yeah?” said Mata Nui, looking up.You’re boring the readers with your talk of language preciseness and semantics and Italian and all of that other stuff.“So?” said Balrog-Slacuvun.No one wants to read about that. The readers want to read about you guys beating the stuffing out of each other. So get to it.“Fine,” Mata Nui sighed. “I must say, however, that it is a commentary on our modern society that violence is considered more entertaining and worthwhile than intellectual discussion about the differences in words. Have we really progressed all since the days of the Roman gladiators?”“It appears not,” Balrog-Slacuvun said with a sigh. “For all our talk of civilization and peace, we really are not much better off now than we were 2,000 years ago. Indeed, I would call that the tragedy of the modern world: a belief in our civilized state when all we’ve done is perfected the techniques of destruction and murder that we have been practicing since the beginning of time.”Okay, guys. Enough philosophical crud. Just get back to fighting.“Okay,” said Mata Nui brightly.“As you wish,” said Balrog-Slacuvun, with more than a hint of mockery.Mata Nui jumped up onto Balrog-Slacuvun’s shoulder and slammed the butt of his gun into the side of Balrog-Slacuvun’s face. This sent the titan reeling, causing him to stumble into a tree. Balrog-Slacuvun recovered quickly, however, and, tearing the now-flaming tree from its roots, hurled the tree at Mata Nui.But Mata Nui was prepared for that. As the flaming tree flew toward him, Mata Nui raised his 40k MGA and absorbed the tree into it. His gun practically bursting with energy, Mata Nui aimed it at Balrog-Slacuvun and said, “Pasta la vista, baby.”“Pasta? No, it’s hasta-“ said Balrog-Slacuvun, but his words were drowned out by the almighty burst of energy that came from Mata Nui’s gun.The energy blast tore through Balrog-Slacuvun’s body. Roaring in pain, Balrog-Slacuvun tried to fly, but his wings had disintegrated and now his fiery body was on fire. That is, the flames that were a natural part of his body were on fire, which somehow caused him pain.But Mata Nui wasn’t finished with him yet. Our hero jumped into the air, jumped so high that he actually rebounded off the ozone layer, and punched Balrog-Slacuvun with all of his might. The wind created from his punch was so powerful that it completely blew out Balrog-Slacuvun’s flames. And, with an almighty kick, Mata Nui sent Balrog-Slacuvun flying so hard that he exploded (Balrog-Slacuvun, that is) into billions of colors, which then exploded into a vortex that spat Slacuvun – no longer one with the Balrog – onto the ground below. Slacuvun lay on the ground, apparently unconscious.“Remember, kids,” said Mata Nui, turning suddenly to the screen. “Don’t play with fire or you could get burned.”“Hey, Mata Nui, who are you talking to?” Ackar asked as he, Kiina, Bucket-head, Oris, Tera, and Likus approached him.“Them,” said Mata Nui, pointing at the screen.The entire gang looked at the readers for a moment.Then Ackar turned back to Mata Nui and said, “So, I think we’ve beaten all of Dah Element Lords.”“Yep,” said Mata Nui. “We kicked their butts. Now let’s go home.”“What about Gresh and Berix?” asked Kiina.“What about them?” said Mata Nui.“That’s the whole point of this comedy, isn’t it?” said Kiina. “You remember, don’t you?”“Uh, no,” said Mata Nui, for which he received a resounding slap from Kiina. “Ow! What was that for?”“For being stupid,” Kiina answered. Then she looked around and added, “Say, what happen to the cage Gresh and Berix were in, anyway?”“Maybe we accidentally destroyed it,” said Oris. “Those fights were pretty intense, although not as pretty as you, Kiina.”“Um, that sentence doesn’t make sense,” said Bucket-head. “The way you said it, it sounded like you were saying the fights were pretty. How can fights be pretty?”“Watch it,” Mata Nui warned, waving his gun in Bucket-head’s face. “I just got told off for discussing semantics. So cut it out.”“Fine, fine,” Bucket-head grumbled. “Hate on me for trying to bring some logic to this comedy’s nonsensical stupidity.”“Darn right,” said Mata Nui. “Anyway, how’s about we-“Mata Nui was interrupted when Slacuvun awoke and, much to their surprise, stood back up. Slacuvun looked battered and pretty much dead, but he wasn’t dead (nor was he as pretty as Kiina, for that matter).“So you survived,” said Mata Nui. “I must not have hit you hard enough or in the right places.”“No, Mata Nui,” Slacuvun said, coughing out unrealistic amounts of blood in order to seem more dramatic. “I am dead.”“That doesn’t make a lick of sense,” said Bucket-head. “Unless you’re being poetic or something-“It was at that moment that an anvil fell on Bucket-head, crushing him beneath it. Unfortunately, he was still alive, for one could still hear his groaning underneath the anvil.“The point is, I am not defeated,” said Slacuvun as his body began glowing with power. “Though you have slain my brothers-“ and here he coughed out even more blood, although this time it was for real medical reasons rather than for drama “-you have not yet tasted the full power of Slacuvun, Dah Element Lord of Fire!”“Oh, what are you going to do, singe my eyebrows?” said Mata Nui. Then he felt above his eyes and said, “Uh, I do have eyebrows, right?”“No, Mata Nui,” Slacuvun snarled. “I am going to do much worse than singe your eyebrows. Behold! I awake!”With that, a huge funnel cloud of six different colors – red, blue, green, white, black, and tan – shot down from the sky and encircled Slacuvun. Lightning bolts shot forth from within as Slacuvun laughed, his laugh becoming deeper and deeper the longer he stayed in the funnel cloud.“He must be watching Beavis and Butthead in there,” said Mata Nui. “Lucky.”At that exact moment, two gigantic hands wrenched open a hole in the funnel cloud. And from within the cloud came a gigantic titan of such epic proportions as have never been seen before in this comedy. The being was so huge that he could probably use the Empire State Building as a toothpick, a rather small toothpick at that.His physical appearance was perhaps the most bizarre part of him. The new entity’s head was on fire, his body appeared to be made of stone, his right arm was made of water, his left of ice, his right leg of plants, and his left of sand. He carried a weapon that looked like a combination of hook, sword, spear, claws, foot attachments, and axe. In fact, he looked like a bad MOC, for his color scheme was a color scream if you know what I mean.“I am Animus!” the entity declared, causing a nearby mountain to go flying into space. “I am Dah Element Lord of Anima, which is to say, of all elements! And I am going to kill you all!"Commentary:

I will just say they used a combination of headphones, The Last Airbender, and crackers to torture Resata gruesomely.

The Last Airbender really was a horrible movie, I'd say.

In fact, experience told Mata Nui that bigger baddies were easier to kill than smaller baddies.

Experience is a tattle-tell http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/mad.gif .

“I am Animus!” the entity declared, causing a nearby mountain to go flying into space. “I am Dah Element Lord of Anima, which is to say, of all elements! And I am going to kill you all!"

You really didn't expect the fight to end that quickly, did you?-TNTOS-
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

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#45 Offline hervanax

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Posted Jun 06 2012 - 01:52 PM

“Fine, fine,” Bucket-head grumbled. “Hate on me for trying to bring some logic to this comedy’s nonsensical stupidity.”​we will hate on you because logic would just make this comedy make no sensedespite the long chapter that's all i havecant wate to see what happends
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#46 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Jun 13 2012 - 09:10 AM

“Fine, fine,” Bucket-head grumbled. “Hate on me for trying to bring some logic to this comedy’s nonsensical stupidity.”​we will hate on you because logic would just make this comedy make no sensedespite the long chapter that's all i havecant wate to see what happends

1) Yeah. What you said :P .And now, here's the start of the most epic battle in this entire comedy:

Chapter XVII: A Battle so Epic even Jason Bourne must Join

Subtitle: I can’t think of a good subtitle

Animus raised his hodge-podge weapon and unleashed a combined blast of all of the elements. In the canon story, this would have created protodermis; however, the author does not feel that that is sufficiently epic for this comedy.So instead, the blast was literally made of fire, water, ice, rock, sand, and jungle. And, as the blast drew nearer to Mata Nui and friends, the elements took the forms of animals such as horses, lions, and ponies, breathing their respective elements out of their mouths as they charged down our heroes.Everyone scattered, save for Mata Nui, who absorbed the blast with his 40k MGA. And spinning around, Mata Nui fired the blast back at Animus at 100 times its usual strength. The blast struck Animus directly in the head, but shockingly, it didn’t seem to affect him at all.“Pathetic fool!” Animus declared, pounding his chest like an ape. “You cannot use my own attacks against me! In fact, you actually make me stronger! Watch and be amazed! Huzzah!”Animus clapped his hands. Above them, a star that had appeared in the sky suddenly exploded into a black hole, which then exploded back into a star.“I control reality itself!” Animus declared. “You cannot stop reality!”“Forgive me for trying!” Mata Nui said as he ran at Animus.But Mata Nui wasn’t the only one fighting Animus. The others were running with him (including, surprisingly, Bucket-head) and, as one, they jumped into the air and delivered a combined flying kick into Animus’s chest. Animus staggered from the blow, but it didn’t appear to do much other than annoy him.Animus tried to stomp them, but it was impossible, for our heroes were climbing up his legs. Bucket-head, Oris, and Ackar were climbing up his plant leg, while Mata Nui, Kiina, Tera, and Likus were climbing up his sand leg. In fact, Animus was so huge that they weren’t so much climbing up his legs as they were walking up them. Yes, folks. Animus has his own gravitational field. No, I don’t know how that’s possible, so stop asking.“Fools and mortals!” Animus declared. “I need not directly attack you to kill you! My avatars shall slay you in cold blood!”On Animus’s plant leg, several plant beings arose, blocking Bucket-head, Oris, and Ackar’s path. The plant beings looked a lot like Resata, while the sand beings that had appeared on his other leg looked like Etora. The only difference was that these ‘avatars’ seemed not to have a mind of their own, although they all looked dangerous.The Resatas tried to attack Ackar’s group, but they didn’t last long. That is, the Resatas. Ackar, Oris, and Bucket-head didn’t even bother with them. Ackar just snapped his fingers and set all of the Resatas on fire, while Bucket-head and Oris slashed through them with unnecessary ferocity.Meanwhile, on the sand leg, Mata Nui and his group had already destroyed the Etoras Animus had sent against them. They were now moving steadily up the leg towards Animus’s midriff.“No,” Animus declared. “You shall not go any further! Huzzah!”Animus shook his legs so hard that he sent Mata Nui and friends flying. But all of our heroes flipped in midair and landed on the ground expertly (what else did you expect?).“Hmm,” said Mata Nui, stroking his chin. “Looks like we’re going to need backup.”Animus breathed all of the elements at our heroes. Just before the breath hit them, however, a good-looking man with hard abs appeared in between our heroes and the blast and deflected it back at Animus with his abs. The blast struck Animus in the face, but again it didn’t seem to hurt him, only stagger him.“Oh my gosh!” Kiina squealed. “It’s Jason Bourne!”She was right. The good-looking man with hard abs was none other than Jason Bourne, of the Bourne Trilogy movies, himself, although he was shirtless for some reason. Fanservice, maybe?“Jason Bourne!” Mata Nui said in astonishment, although there was a hint of jealousy in his voice. “What are you doing here?”“I knew you needed help,” Bourne replied. “So I came.”“But why? How?” said Bucket-head. “I mean, humans don’t even exist in this universe, so how-““Shut up, Bucket-head,” said Bourne. He then addressed Mata Nui and asked, “Is he always like that?”“Pretty much,” Mata Nui said, nodding.Just then, a huge shadow appeared over them all. Mata Nui at first assumed a solar eclipse had occurred for no reason, but when he looked up, he realized that he and his friends were looking at the underside of Animus’s left foot. Animus was about to stomp them into pancakes.But Mata Nui and Bourne teamed up. They flew – yes, Mata Nui can fly – up and stopped Animus’s continent-sized foot from crushing our heroes.“What?” Animus declared. “Two mortals, stopping my foot? That is impossible!”“Anything’s possible,” Mata Nui answered, his voice slightly strained as he pushed against Animus’s weight. “So long as you believe!”“BELIEVE!” Bourne echoed.The word ‘BELIEVE’ flew through the sky, out of nowhere, and slammed into Animus. At the same time, Bourne and Mata Nui pushed up and sent Animus tumbling backwards. Animus fell down, crushing a continent and killing millions, but that’s not important because that wasn’t the continent our heroes were on.“You fools!” Animus declared as he jumped to his feet, which caused a gigantic earthquake to shake the whole planet. “You got lucky with that little ‘believe’ stunt, but the gods favor I, and only I! You are cursed to fail!”“Fail this!” said Mata Nui as he jumped through the air at Animus.Mata Nui then unleashed a torrent of fists at Animus, punching him wherever he could. The blows actually connected, causing Animus to stagger backwards from the punches.But then Animus recovered and, swatting Mata Nui aside, declared, “No one can stop Animus! Not even Jason Bourne!”“Darn,” said Bourne. He turned to the others and said, “Sorry, guys, Animus said I can’t beat him, so see you later.”Bourne then disappeared, most likely to argue with the movie producers about making him the star of the next Bourne movie rather than that other guy.“That was disappointing,” said Bucket-head.“Speak for yourself,” Kiina replied.“It doesn’t matter,” said Ackar. “I’ve got an idea. Follow my lead.”Ackar and the others ran toward Animus, who was bellowing like a hyena on sugar.“Everyone!” Ackar yelled as they ran. “Battle Strategy Alpha Beta Gamma Omega and whatever other Greek letters we forgot!”The six allies formed an octagon around Animus, who didn’t seem to realize what was about to happen. Everyone aimed their weapons at Animus’s legs, weapons charging with weapons, and Ackar said, “Now, before he realizes what we’re about to do!”At the exact same time, Ackar, Kiina, Bucket-head, Oris, Tera, and Likus unleashed a blast of energy, one for each element. The energy blasts moved so fast that they ripped holes in the fabric of reality and struck Animus’s legs at exactly the same time. This created a huge, multicolor explosion that destroyed Animus’s legs, sending the titan tumbling down to the ground.Animus smashed into the ground, which started another earthquake somewhere in Canada (because I, the Narrator, don’t like Canada). The earth shattered underneath Animus’s body, but he was so huge that he didn’t fall into the pit. Instead, he reformed his legs and stood back up.“Nice try, mortals!” Animus declared, looking down at them all. “You managed to actually hurt me! But you can’t do that forever. I am smart enough to know to avoid it. Therefore you shall die!”Just then, Mata Nui ran from out of nowhere and said, “Guys, watch out!”Exactly what Mata Nui was warning about, no one knew until a mountain came flying out of nowhere and hit Animus in the face. The mountain exploded into pieces as Animus staggered backwards and fell to the ground again. This second fall probably cracked Bara Magna’s crust and most likely activated several dormant volcanoes all over the world, but no one cares about that because our heroes were nowhere near those volcanoes.“How did you do that?” Bucket-head asked.Mata Nui pointed at a very small catapult made of LEGO pieces standing not too far away. “It was a bit tricky balancing it, but I managed.”“Well, I guess I’ve seen crazier things,” Bucket-head said with a sigh.Now Animus was back on his feet (again). He declared, “You mortals are amusing playthings, but no more! I shall destroy you divine lightning! Huzzah!”Lightning burst from Animus’s fingertips, but Likus sprung into action. He jumped in front of the bolts and, using his baseball bat, hit the lightning bolts away. They were going . . . going . . . going . . . gone! And it was a home run and Likus ran around all of the bases and the fans cheered and Likus was inaugurated into the Baseball Hall of Fame and he lived happily ever after the end.Actually, none of that happened, except Likus hitting the lightning bolts with his baseball bat. I was just saying that for no reason other than to mess with you. Ha.“Guys, it’s clear to me that we can’t beat this guy alone,” said Mata Nui. “That is why, in order to defeat a giant made of the elements, you must become a giant made of the elements!”“And what does that mean?” asked Bucket-head uneasily. “We’re not going to have to do some sort of stupid combination thing, are we?”“We will have to combine!” Mata Nui bellowed, his voice so loud that a little mouse that had been crawling nearby exploded into flames. “For unity!”At that moment, a golden aura exploded into existence around Mata Nui, Ackar, Kiina, Bucket-head, Oris, Tera, and Likus. The aura enveloped them and for a moment even Animus could only stare in awe as the aura obscured our heroes from view.“What is this?” Animus declared. “You think to protect yourself with pretty lights? How silly! I shall destroy you where you stand!”Animus tried to destroy the aura with his weapon, but as soon as the blade of his toy made contact with the aura, the hodge-podge weapon snapped.“No!” Animus declared. “My weapon! This cannot be!”“Oh, it can be, Animus,” said a deep voice from within the golden aura, “because it is can be.”Before I could make a sarcastic comment about the repetitiveness of that last line, the golden aura exploded and from within the explosion arose a being just as tall as Animus. The being even looked a little like Animus, although it was obviously different.Its arms were made of fire and water, its legs of stone and sand, and its body of ice and jungle. But the head was different from them all. It resembled Mata Nui’s head, except bigger and appeared to be made out of pure golden light. The giant also wielded what looked like a gigantic 40k Mighty Grandma Assault rifle, which had a sword blade running along the top of barrel because it looked cool.Within the giant’s head, one could see a tiny figure shining brightly, almost even more brightly than the giant’s head. In fact, if one looked at every part of the body, one could see a being inside each part. For Mata Nui and friends were controlling the giant, yet at the same time weren’t. Or something. I dunno.“Who are you?” Animus declared, actually taking a step back from the newly-formed titan.“Who are we,” the titan declared. “For you see, we still exist as separate individuals, despite our combined forms. But you may call us Utopia Perfectia, the realization and embodiment of unity.”“Whoever or whatever you are, you cannot stand before the might of Animus!” Animus declared as he threw a punch at Utopia Perfectia.But Utopia Perfectia caught the punch and then hurled Animus over his shoulder. Animus slammed into the earth with more force than before, causing another major earthquake in some other part of the world I don’t care about.Just then, they heard some thumping underneath the ground and Hades’ muffled voice could be heard, saying, “Hey! Stop destroying the earth! Some of us are trying to sleep, you know!”“Hades is right,” Utopia Perfectia declared. “We cannot allow this planet to be destroyed by our battle. Behold! We shall take this battle to another dimension!”With an overly dramatic wave of his arms, a dimensional portal exploded into existence. Utopia Perfectia seized Animus and hurled him through the portal. Then Utopia Perfectia jumped through and the dimensional portal disappeared with a pop.Commentary:No commentary today. I think this chapter is pretty self-explanatory :P .-TNTOS-

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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

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The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)


#47 Offline Scanty Demon

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Posted Jun 13 2012 - 10:22 AM

I believe that Animus's weapon should've exploded when it touched the aura instead of breaking in half. Well this chapter was interesting to say the least although I forget who Tera is. Though I wish Berix and Gresh would appear soon but Mata Nui is good enough. What's was I remembering the Legend Reloaded had Zeus and when I stopped thinking about it Hades showed up strange.I wanted to comment on the exploding door, there are a lot of jokes I can make with that except they involve a. The War on Terror, b. The Israel Palestine conflict, and c. Getting the US Gov't to monitor me because said a word on their list. So yeah because they are all political and involve the Gov't spying on me I won't make any jokes. Anyway so how can Jason Bourne enter but not the X-men they would have made defeating Animus a lot quicker.The short and sweet version: good chapter though not as funny as the previous but a good climatic chapter.(how much fan service was in the Bourne movies?)
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#48 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Jun 14 2012 - 08:53 AM

I believe that Animus's weapon should've exploded when it touched the aura instead of breaking in half. Well this chapter was interesting to say the least although I forget who Tera is. Though I wish Berix and Gresh would appear soon but Mata Nui is good enough. What's was I remembering the Legend Reloaded had Zeus and when I stopped thinking about it Hades showed up strange.

1) Good point.2) Tera is the earth Glatorian and is Likus's friend and is also afraid of everything. Come to think of it, it's not surprising you don't remember Tera 'cause he hasn't really done anything, has he?3) Gresh and Berix will appear later4) The Greek and Roman gods make cameos throughout the Legend Trilogy. As a matter of fact, I am fairly certain Jupiter and Pluto appeared in an earlier chapter

I wanted to comment on the exploding door, there are a lot of jokes I can make with that except they involve a. The War on Terror, b. The Israel Palestine conflict, and c. Getting the US Gov't to monitor me because said a word on their list. So yeah because they are all political and involve the Gov't spying on me I won't make any jokes. Anyway so how can Jason Bourne enter but not the X-men they would have made defeating Animus a lot quicker.

1) Politics are not allowed to be discussed on BZP, either, so you'd have the staff on your tail, too, if you made a political joke :P2) 'Cause Jason Bourne is awesome enough to cross dimensions to help other awesome people fight awesome entities. The X-Men are cool, but I like Bourne better, so there

The short and sweet version: good chapter though not as funny as the previous but a good climatic chapter.(how much fan service was in the Bourne movies?)

1) The next chapter is going to feature a huge and awesome battle, probably the most epic final showdown so far. Or, at least, I tried to make it epic, but whether it is or not remains to be seen2) Not much, from what I can remember, but I think Matt Damon (Bourne's actor) has a lot of fangirls, so I decided to make fun of that by having Bourne appear shirtless in this chapter :P-TNTOS-
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

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(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14)
{The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)
(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)
The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)


#49 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 09:29 AM

Nothing to say, except this chapter is probably the most epic chapter is the entire trilogy (so far, at least):

Chapter XVIII: When Entities Do Battle

Subtitle: So much manliness it can't be contained!

The dimension into which Animus and Utopia Perfectia had taken their battle was an empty plain of vastness. Thus, there was no one to watch the two titans duke it out. No one, that is, except for me and I was recording this on my smart phone to post online. It was definitely an Internet-worthy video for sure.Animus performed a flying kick, hitting Utopia Perfectia in the chest. But Utopia Perfectia grabbed Animus’s foot – which was still touching his chest – and hurled Animus into the sky. Then Utopia Perfectia leapt into the air and declared, “One Thousand Million Billion Trillion Punches of Pain!”A hurricane of punches hit every part of Animus’s body. In fact, ‘hurricane’ is too tame a word. It was more like a galaxy of fists had appeared and were beating on every part of Animus’s body that they could reach.Then Utopia Perfectia slammed Animus into the ground. Animus broke through the earth, but there was nothing underneath save for empty endlessness. Utopia Perfectia followed and slammed his feet into Animus’s chest, sending him falling even further.But Animus was prepared. He breathed all of the elements again, which struck Utopia Perfectia and sent him flying. Then Animus flew up and body slammed Utopia Perfectia as hard as he could. Utopia Perfectia managed to twist his body in midair and land on the ground. He landed so hard that the entire dimension shook.Animus landed on the ground, too, and the two entities charged at each other. When their fists collided, they shattered reality in the spot where they had hit and their combined strength sent them both skittering backwards. This tore up the earth beneath their feet, sending so much dirt flying up that Utopia Perfectia grabbed some and started hurling it at Animus.But Animus kept freezing all of the dirt clods Utopia Perfectia threw at him, breaking them into pieces. So Utopia Perfectia got a better idea; he grabbed the earth and spun it around beneath their feet.This made Animus dizzy and he fell to the ground, again with earth-shattering force. Taking advantage of his fallen foe, Utopia Perfectia raised his hands and unleashed bolts of every element; fire, water, ice, rock, sand, and jungle. All of this struck Animus, but it did nothing save make him even more enraged and maybe a little cranky, too.Animus staggered to his feet and declared, “One Billion Trillion Thoughts of Agony and Torture!”Animus stuck his hands in his head and pulled out several knives. But they weren’t just any old knives; they were ghostly pale. In fact, they were actually his thoughts, the ‘One Billion Trillion Thoughts of Agony and Torture’ he had mentioned earlier, taken physical form.Animus hurled the thoughts at Utopia Perfectia, but our heroic entity slammed his hands together so hard that it reversed time around the thoughts, transferring them back to Animus’s mind. Then Utopia Perfectia ran at Animus just as Animus ran at him.They slammed their fists together, which disrupted reality so much that I am pretty sure a nearby universe exploded. It was probably uninhabited . . . probably.Now the two epic entities pushed against each other, but neither was strong enough to overpower the other.“You are stronger than I originally believed, Utopia Perfectia,” Animus declared as they pushed. “But let it be known this day that Animus, Dah Element Lord of Everything, is the Greatest and the Bestest of Eternity!”“We do not think so, Animus,” Utopia Perfectia declared. “For behold, we have the power of unity coursing within our collective veins! Nothing you do can stop unity! Huzzah!”Then Utopia Perfectia – using all of his strength – kneed Animus in the stomach. This caught Animus off-guard and his resistance fell ever so slightly, giving Utopia Perfectia the opportunity he needed to lift Animus off his feet.“Wait!” Animus declared, his limbs flailing uselessly in the air. “What are you doing? Animus demands to know!”“Finishing it!” Utopia Perfectia declared.Utopia Perfectia then started spinning around so fast that he created a hurricane of energy around them. As he did so, Utopia Perfectia threw Animus as high into the sky as he could with as much strength as he could muster. And then Utopia Perfectia himself jumped into the sky and started punching Animus again, but this time, with each punch, he punched Animus into another dimension. Each one of Utopia Perfectia’s punches was filled with the righteous anger and unity of all the beings that made up his form, which gave him strength even beyond that of the gods.With a final punch Utopia Perfectia punched Animus so hard that Animus’s body exploded, although his head, arms, and legs survived.Utopia Perfectia and Animus were no longer in any dimension. In fact, they were in the Void, a place of lightlessness and sadness. But Utopia Perfectia’s form brought light to this place, so much light that it actually incinerated the darkness. Demons tried to attach themselves to Utopia Perfectia’s body, but they were incapable of draining the happiness from the entity because Utopia Perfectia was incapable of sadness, so the demons exploded, which was the only merciful way for them to die.“What are you going to do now?” Animus declared as his head and limbs floated there. “You cannot destroy Animus!”“Oh, we think we can,” Utopia Perfectia declared.Utopia Perfectia pulled out his gigantic gun and declared, “Although once the 40k Mighty Grandma Assault rifle, it was reborn as the 4,000k Almighty Grandmother Attack rifle, or the 4,000k AGA!”“And what can it do?” Animus declared. “Shoot pathetic bullets at me?”“It can do more than that,” Utopia Perfectia declared. “The 4,000k Almighty Grandmother Attack rifle does what the 40k MGA could do, but better! Watch and be amazed and awed at my gun’s power!”Utopia Perfectia seized a whole dimension – yes, you read that right, a whole freaking dimension – and stuffed it into the 4,000k AGA. The 4,000k AGA suddenly glowed with power and shook with so much force that it would have disintegrated the soul of any other being but Utopia Perfectia had someone else been using it.“The 4,000k AGA can take the might of any attack and increase it by 100,000,” Utopia Perfectia declared as he aimed it at Animus. “So, as they say in Germany, hola.”A blast of pure light, energy, and life exploded from the 4,000k AGA’s barrel and slammed into Animus. The blast was so powerful that it warped Animus’s very essence, tearing through him like paper. And in fact Animus did become paper; then stone; then metal; and then, with a final roar of anguish, he exploded, then imploded, and exploded one last time in an epic explosion that destroyed several nearby dimensions (again, probably uninhabited).The explosion was so powerful that it sent Utopia Perfectia flying. Utopia Perfectia smashed back into the normal dimension and when he slammed into the ground, his form suddenly faded, replaced by Mata Nui, Ackar, Kiina, Bucket-head, Oris, Tera, and Likus, all lying on the ground, slightly dazed.“Whoa,” said Mata Nui, shaking his head as he sat up. “That was awesome.”“I feel sick,” said Bucket-head, clutching his stomach. “But I obviously can’t get sick onscreen, otherwise the BZP moderators would crack down on me.”“That comment seems out of character for you,” Ackar commented.“What comment?” said Bucket-head, blinking confusedly. “I just said something?”“Never mind,” said Ackar as he and the others stood up. “You’re just a stupid Skrall.”“Hey!” said Bucket-head indignantly, but no one paid any attention to him because he’s stupid.“Well, that was one crazy adventure,” said Mata Nui as he stretched his limbs, like he’d just taken a refreshing nap. “Now that we kicked Dah Element Lords’ butts, I think it’s time to go home, guys.”“Um, Mata Nui?” said Kiina. “You do remember Gresh and Berix, right?”“Of course I did, Kiina,” said Mata Nui, in a voice that clearly said he did not. “Where’d those two rascals scamper off to?”Just then, Gresh and Berix’s cage fell out of the sky and landed on Bucket-head.“Darn it,” said Bucket-head’s muffled voice from underneath the cage. “I just helped kill a giant entity and this is the thanks I get?”But no one paid any attention to Bucket-head because he’s stupid, you know. Mata Nui ripped the cage door off its hinges and threw it away. The door exploded as soon as it hit the ground, simply because the author wanted to sneak in one more explosion before the story’s end.“Thank yuba, Mata Nui,” said Gresh as he walked out of the cage, with Berix following close behind him. “For a while thereba I thought weba were gonersba!”Berix, meanwhile, had noticed Oris, Tera, and Likus standing nearby and gasped. “Oh, no! You replaced us with new friends? I thought we were BFFs, Mata Nui! You sent me a text saying so!”“They’re not really my friends,” Mata Nui whispered, so that only Berix could hear him. “They just sort of tagged along.”“Oh,” said Berix brightly, as Bucket-head lifted the cage off him and threw the cage away. “I didn’t really care. I was just being melodramatic for no reason.”“I don’t expect any less from you, Berix,” said Mata Nui, patting him on the shoulder. “You know, I kind of forgot about you and Gresh.”“That’s okay,” said Berix. “If I were you, I’d probably forget about me, too.”Before Mata Nui could figure out what the Agori meant, Berix noticed Bucket-head.“Skrall!” Berix shouted, pointing at Bucket-head. “Die!”Berix pulled out his double guns and fired several rounds at Bucket-head. But Bucket-head quickly deflected the bullets with his shield, saying, “Hey! I just helped save your sorry-““Hey,” said Likus to Berix, interrupting Bucket-head. “Cut it out, you little midget. That’s our Skrall and if you want to hurt him you’ve got to ask us first.”“May I please shoot your Skrall, then?” asked Berix, briefly lowering his guns.“Of course,” said Likus.“Yay!” said Berix. “Except I don’t want to shoot him anymore. He’s too stupid to shoot.”“Why must everyone – literally everyone – think I am stupid?” said Bucket-head, looking up at the sky. “Why?”“Anyway,” said Mata Nui, dusting off his pants. “I think the plot is just about over. Unless the author plans to have ninjas attack us again-“It was at that moment that an army of ninjas appeared out of nowhere, but Mata Nui stood up, yelled, “NO!” as loudly as possible, disintegrating the ninja army instantly.“That was a close one,” said Ackar, wiping sweat off his brow.“Indeed,” said Mata Nui. “Now everyone, let’s go home.”The group of nine started off in one direction, until Kiina asked Mata Nui, “Uh, Mata Nui?”“Yes, Kiina?” said Mata Nui, looking at her as they walked.“Do you even know where home is?”“Of course I do,” Mata Nui replied, in a tone that clearly said that he didn’t. “Remember my infallible sense of direction? We are not lost.”“We’re going to get lost unless you consult this map I brought along,” said Bucket-head, pulling out a map from his bag. “I am not a believer of your ‘infallible sense of direction.’ So let’s see-“Berix quickly snatched the map from Bucket-head’s hands and ate it.“Hey!” said Bucket-head, glaring at Berix. “Why did you eat my map?”“I was hungry,” Berix replied with a huge grin. “I haven’t eaten in a week. Well, I did try to eat Gresh-““Thatba’s why Iba am missing one of my swordsba,” Gresh said.“-but he didn’t taste good,” Berix continued. “I even tried to eat myself once, but the laws of physics prevented that or something, so I didn’t.”Bucket-head turned to Mata Nui and asked, “Is Berix always this stupid?”“What do you mean?” Mata Nui said. “He seems pretty normal to me.”Okay, Bucket-head thought. It appears that I am the only sane one around here. Angonce help me.But no Great Being came down from the heavens to save Bucket-head, so he was forced to go along with the merry band of butt-kickers as they rode into the setting sun (not literally, in case you are confused).Commentary:

“You are stronger than I originally believed, Utopia Perfectia,” Animus declared as they pushed. “But let it be known this day that Animus, Dah Element Lord of Everything, is the Greatest and the Bestest of Eternity!”“We do not think so, Animus,” Utopia Perfectia declared. “For behold, we have the power of unity coursing within our collective veins! Nothing you do can stop unity! Huzzah!”

Notice that Animus and Utopia Perfectia always "declare" their words rather than "say" them. This was to emphasis their godliness and also to show how big their egos were.

Utopia Perfectia pulled out his gigantic gun and declared, “Although once the 40k Mighty Grandma Assault rifle, it was reborn as the 4,000k Almighty Grandmother Attack rifle, or the 4,000k AGA!”

Eyep.

“I feel sick,” said Bucket-head, clutching his stomach. “But I obviously can’t get sick onscreen, otherwise the BZP moderators would crack down on me.”“That comment seems out of character for you,” Ackar commented.“What comment?” said Bucket-head, blinking confusedly. “I just said something?”“Never mind,” said Ackar as he and the others stood up. “You’re just a stupid Skrall.”

For those who can't tell, yes, I, the author, did control Bucket-head for a moment to make a dumb joke. Hence Ackar's "That comment seems out of character for you" line and Bucket-head's subsequent confusion at it. Bucket-head deserved it, BTW.Next week is the final chapter. There will also be a small side story after the final chapter, which I will post the week after it. It will be unrelated to the main story, but yes, it will include the biomechanical dinosaurs.-TNTOS-

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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

A Writerly Blog
The Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness
(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14)
{The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)
(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)
The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)


#50 Offline hervanax

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 03:25 PM

well i didnt check bzpower last week so i red both long epic chaptersBefore I could make a sarcastic comment about the repetitiveness of that last line,​funnest line ever“I was hungry,” Berix replied with a huge grin.the only thing that would have made this comidy better is if berix was in it morei dont have anything elce to say (i must be losing my touch :dozingoff: )
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#51 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Jun 28 2012 - 10:55 AM

well i didnt check bzpower last week so i red both long epic chaptersBefore I could make a sarcastic comment about the repetitiveness of that last line,​funnest line ever“I was hungry,” Berix replied with a huge grin.the only thing that would have made this comidy better is if berix was in it morei dont have anything elce to say (i must be losing my touch :dozingoff: )

@Berix: We'll be seeing more of Berix in the next comedy, don't worry.Anyway, I completely forgot to post this chapter yesterday. It must be the heat frying my brain, 'cause it's been pretty freaking hot down here recently. At least it's only a day late :P .Without further ado, here is the final chapter of The Legend Exploded:

Chapter XIX: The End

Subtitle: As if

A few months had passed since Mata Nui and his friends had battled Dah Element Lords. During that time, Mata Nui and his friends had gone their separate ways, although they still kept in contact (sort of). Mata Nui and Kiina went back to live in their house, which apparently they still had while everyone else went to do their own thing.One day, Mata Nui sat on the rocking chair on the porch of his house one day, polishing his 40k Mighty Grandma Assault rifle. He was thinking about going down and hunting Bucket-head – he had, after all, promised to kill him last – when Kiina exited the house with a piece of paper in her hands.“Hey, Mata Nui,” said Kiina, showing him the paper. “Look at this.”“What is it?” Mata Nui asked as he took the paper.“It’s the obligatory ‘where are they now’ letter, from Ackar,” said Kiina as Mata Nui began reading it. “You know, the letter that is more for the readers’ benefit than ours?”“Of course,” said Mata Nui. “Such letters are important for properly understanding the story. Also, the readers would get really angry if they didn’t know what happened to all of their favorite characters. Then they’d call the author the worst author ever and hate him forever and ever because he deserves it.”And as this is for the readers’ benefit, here is what the letter said:Dear Mata Nui and Kiina,What’s up, dogs? Dig my young person’s lingo? It’s hip with the cats, yo?Ah, never mind. I hate all of this new slang. Back in my day, slang didn’t sound so ridiculous. In fact, I don’t think we even had slang in my day. Stupid slang.Anyway, I just thought you’d like to know what all of us have been up to lately. Yes, I know you already know, but this is for the readers’ benefit and not necessarily yours. And I know you have already made this joke, but I’m an old timer and like to repeat old jokes to death.Berix has recently moved to Aqua Magna. I have no idea what he is planning to do there, but he told me his greatest dream was to swim on a planet of water, so there you go. Not even sure how he got there. Probably stole a ship from NASA or something. Do we even have NASA? If you know, send a reply.Gresh is taking speech therapy lessons in order to get over that weird accent of his. From what I’ve heard, it isn’t going very well. No one seems to know how he acquired the accent, for it appears to be nothing more than a stupid joke the author threw in just to make Gresh funnier.Bucket-head . . . hmm, not sure what he’s up to, really. Last I heard he was travelling with Likus and Tera; serves him right, stupid little Skrall. Knowing how dirty and sneaky he is, however, I wouldn’t be surprised if he somehow got away from them. Want to go hunt him down sometime? I’d totally be up for it.Oris is playing the role of Megabloksolas the Obese Elf in a new movie series coming out, the Lady of the Dings. I am not going to see the movie when it comes out, but if Oris asks tell him I did and that I hated it.Tera and Likus are currently going on tour throughout Bara Magna with their air guitars. They’re calling themselves the ‘All-Bara Magnan Accepts,’ or the ABMA, which is a weird band name, but I digress. They’ve already sold several billion copies of their hit album, ‘Mow the Lawn,’ and they’ve told me that they even have a contract with a toy company called LEGO to do a promotional campaign for one of their toylines called Hero Factory . Sounds fishy to me, but they're making money so I guess I can't criticize them.As for me, I’ve been keeping busy. You know, eating prunes, playing word games, avoiding anyone in a doctor’s coat, watching Matlock ; you know, the usual. Not complaining, though, because it’s better than wasting one’s brains playing video games or reading bad fanfics like this.So how have you been? You haven’t been keeping in touch like you promised you would. Did you get involved in another bad plot? I’ve told you to avoid those. They’re no good and can get you into trouble. Stay away from them.Sincerely,Ackar.P.S. I want my prunes!“Well, Ackar is wrong about one thing,” said Mata Nui as he handed the letter back to Kiina. “I haven’t been caught up in any bad plots, not since the last one. In fact, it has been so long since the last one that I am sure that we won’t have to deal with anymore bad plots ever again.”It was at that moment that a paper airplane flew out of nowhere and struck Mata Nui in the eye.“Ouch!” said Mata Nui, clutching his eye as he looked down at the paper airplane in his lap. “Who threw this?”“Hey, Mata Nui, look,” said Kiina, pointing at the paper airplane. “It has your name on it!”“Hmm?” said Mata Nui, looking more closely at it. “Hey, you’re right. Who could this be from, I wonder?”Mata Nui unfolded the paper airplane and started reading the letter. His eyes grew progressively wider and larger the further he read, until his eyes were so huge that he looked like an exaggerated stereotype of an anime character.For dramatic emphasis, Mata Nui dropped the letter and said, in a melodramatic whisper, “No . . . it can’t be . . .”“What’s the problem?” asked Kiina, sounding worried. “You never use your melodramatic whisper unless it’s something important!”Mata Nui looked dramatically at Kiina and said, “It’s from him, Kiina. My worst enemy. I thought I’d killed him, but he’s still alive.”“Who?” said Kiina. “Who is still alive? Not . . . not Billy Mayes?”“Worse than him,” said Mata Nui. “My old enemy, Teridax. Or, as he was known in the old days, ‘the Makuta.’ He sent this paper airplane, which is a letter, and it says he’s still alive. I thought I killed him during the war, but I guess I was wrong.”“Oh, no!” said Kiina with a gasp. “What did he want?”“He wants to kill me,” said Mata Nui. “His letter told me to come to his lair and fight him or else he’ll come and kill me himself.”“Uh oh,” said Kiina. “Sounds like another bad plot.”“Yes, it does,” Mata Nui agreed. “But this is not something I can just ignore. I must defeat Teridax, but he is the strongest enemy I have ever fought. In order to defeat him, I will need the help of my old friends, as well as a few new ones.”“I’ll come with you,” Kiina said. “If that [censored word] wants to kill you, he has to go through me first.”“I am glad to see you’re willing to come with me, Kiina, but it may all be for naught,” said Mata Nui. “Teridax is ruthless, which means his name is not Ruth. We will have to be extremely careful.”“When have we ever been careful?” Kiina asked.“Good point,” said Mata Nui. “Let’s throw caution to the winds and go kick his [censored word]!”But then, the [censored] word turned out to be a baterra, which Mata Nui blew up just by thinking about it.With that out of the way, Mata Nui and Kiina bounded down the steps of the porch, running off into the distance to gather their friends and prepare for the inevitably epic battle that was to come.TO BE CONTINUED IN “BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded,” COMING LATE 2012/EARLY 2013 (maybe).Commentary:

Chapter XIX: The EndSubtitle: As if

We made it! Yay! The madness is finally over! Woo hoo!

“Of course,” said Mata Nui. “Such letters are important for properly understanding the story. Also, the readers would get really angry if they didn’t know what happened to all of their favorite characters. Then they’d call the author the worst author ever and hate him forever and ever because he deserves it.”

See, now you can't criticize me because I included the "where are they now" letter. So take that :P .

Oris is playing the role of Megabloksolas the Obese Elf in a new movie series coming out, the Lady of the Dings. I am not going to see the movie when it comes out, but if Oris asks tell him I did and that I hated it.

Come on. It wouldn't be a real Orlando Bloom reference if I didn't parody Lord of the Rings, now would it?

Tera and Likus are currently going on tour throughout Bara Magna with their air guitars. They’re calling themselves the ‘All-Bara Magnan Accepts,’ or the ABMA, which is a weird band name, but I digress. They’ve already sold several billion copies of their hit album, ‘Mow the Lawn,’ and they’ve told me that they even have a contract with a toy company called LEGO to do a promotional campaign for one of their toylines called Hero Factory . Sounds fishy to me, but they're making money so I guess I can't criticize them.

Anyone who has been following BIONICLE since at least 2006 knows what this reference is all about.

TO BE CONTINUED IN “BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded,” COMING LATE 2012/EARLY 2013 (maybe).

What? *Checks contract* NO! Now I have to write another ridiculously awesome fanfic! Dang it!In all seriousness, though, I had a great time writing this fic. I haven't begun work on TLI yet, but I will as soon as possible. I imagine it will probably be the most epic comedy in the Legend Trilogy, since it's going to be Mata Nui vs. Makuta, after all, as the ending of TLE suggested.However, keep an eye on this topic because I have one last little side story to post, featuring everyone's favorite biomechanical dinosaurs. I doubt it will be next week because I'm going to be gone next week, but I will try to get it up as soon as possible.-TNTOS-
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

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The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)


#52 Offline hervanax

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Posted Jun 30 2012 - 10:04 AM

Anyone who has been following BIONICLE since at least 2006 knows what this reference is all abouti dont get this refrence at all so i would like an explination (no joke)i cant wate for the sequals sequal (triquel?-third part?)this comidy is the only reason i am on bzpower any moresince bionicle ended without finnishing its story
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#53 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Jul 07 2012 - 09:22 AM

Anyone who has been following BIONICLE since at least 2006 knows what this reference is all abouti dont get this refrence at all so i would like an explination (no joke)i cant wate for the sequals sequal (triquel?-third part?)this comidy is the only reason i am on bzpower any moresince bionicle ended without finnishing its story

1) It's a reference to the Freed the Band promotion back in 2006. The band, the All-America Rejects (AAR for short), were "captured" by the Piraka and "saved" by the Toa Inika in non-canon promotional material. It was an odd promotion to say the least, not to mention controversial among BIONICLE fans at the time2) Do you mean the serials? 'Cause BIONICLE's main story basically did endAnyway, here's one last little story for this comedy that doesn't really have much to do with anything. It has the biomechanical dinosaurs in it, though, so yay and stuff :P .

Side Story: Biomechanical Dinosaur Hunting

Subtitle: Because you demanded it!

The jungles of Bota Magna were quiet, save for a tiny, cute little bird chirping a tune that sounded a bit like Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man” before two giant jaws appeared out of nowhere and clamped down on it*. The jaws belonged to a dinosaur, which munched on the bird’s bones** happily as it stood in the jungle glade, wondering where it would get its next meal.McDonald’s, the dinosaur decided. Because I’m lovin’ it.This dinosaur looked a little different from most dinosaurs, however. It had plated green armor, with a laser targeting system mounted on its head, staying in place thanks to the magic of super glue and duct tape. Its green coloration would have helped it blend into the jungle had it not been wearing a bright red t-shirt that read ‘DINO CON ‘12’ on it.Despite its humorous shirt, the dinosaur was not a monster to mess with. With a single roar it caused several nearby trees to explode and with a swish of its tail it toppled a nearby mountain. A sane person who has much to live for would probably avoid it at all cost.“And we’re supposed to kill that thing?” said Bucket-head, staring at the huge dinosaur.Mata Nui and friends were crouching in the bushes not far from the dinosaur. All of them were equipped with their usual equipment and didn’t look different, although Mata Nui was splattered in green paint in a lame attempt to blend in with the environment. Considering he was bright yellow, the fact that the dinosaur apparently couldn’t see him was amazing (although it was likely that the dinosaur was just stupid, considering how tiny dino brains are).“Of course,” said Mata Nui as he cocked his 40k MGA. “This is called biomechanical dinosaur hunting, after all. What were you expecting, pony riding or something?”“Why are we hunting it in the first place?” asked Bucket-head. “And why am I dressed up as a steak?”Bucket-head was correct. He wore a giant steak suit; it wasn’t made out of actual steak, of course, but its physical appearance mimicked that of a real medium rare steak. Kind of made me hungry. Remind me to go to a steakhouse after this is over.“Because you’re the decoy,” said Ackar as he polished his sword with the blood of his enemies. “The dinosaur will see you, think ‘Yum, steak!’ and eat you.”“You mean try to eat me, right?” said Bucket-head.“You can think that way if you like,” said Mata Nui. “Although I think it’ll eat you anyway.”“So what’s the plan, Mata Nui?” asked Likus, swinging his baseball bat absentmindedly. “I mean, besides letting it eat Bucket-head, of course.”“It’s just going to try to eat me,” Bucket-head insisted. “There’s no guarantee it actually will.”Mata Nui smiled and patted Bucket-head on the shoulder. “You keep telling yourself that.”Bucket-head glared at Mata Nui, but said nothing because he had given up on making Mata Nui listen to reason by now.“Anyway,” said Mata Nui, turning back to Likus. “While the dinosaur eats Bucket-head, all of us are going to attack the dinosaur before it realizes what’s happening. Then tonight we shall feast like royalty!”“It’s cheaper than shopping,” Kiina said with a shrug. “Dinosaur meat prices are just so darn high these days. I mean, I know we have eighty trillion dollars and all, but still.”“You’re just greedy,” said Bucket-head. “Right?”“I’m not that greedy,” said Kiina, folding her arms. “I give Mata Nui an allowance.”“It’s not very much,” Mata Nui grumbled.“What was that?” Kiina said.“Nothing,” said Mata Nui. “Does everyone understand the plan?”Everyone nodded.“No, not Everyone,” Mata Nui said, pointing at himself and the others. “I mean, like, us.”“Oh,” said Everyone. “Sorry. I though you meant me. I’ll be on my way now.”Everyone then exploded into an explosion of fire; which, by the way, opened a dimensional rift in time that destroyed a nearby galaxy, which Mata Nui closed with a piece of duct tape. Just thought you should know.“So,” said Mata Nui, poking Bucket-head. “Get going. I’m tired of waiting and making dumb word usage jokes.”Mata Nui shoved Bucket-head into the clearing. Bucket-head stumbled forward and fell on his hands and knees. He shook his head and looked up and saw the dinosaur staring at him. Its eyes were wide open, but it didn’t look very intelligent. It looked surprised and interested, like, ‘Oh? Where did this delicious possible meal come from?’“Uh, it’s not what it looks like,” said Bucket-head as he stood up. “I’m not really a tasty steak. It’s just a costume to lure you in so my friends can kill you.”As I said before, however, the dinosaur wasn’t very smart. So it licked its lips and put on a bib that read ‘I’m a Big Dino now!’. It also pulled out a fork and a knife, although why a dinosaur . . . oh, you know what? Never mind. I’m not even going to question this comedy anymore. I can’t believe it took me this long to learn that.Bucket-head backed up as the dinosaur approached. Bucket-head would have tried fighting the dinosaur, but Mata Nui had ‘accidentally’ broken Bucket-head’s weapons prior to the hunt, so Bucket-head was basically weaponless. Which meant the dinosaur was probably going to eat him alive.“Okay, guys, the dinosaur’s coming,” said Bucket-head, glancing over his shoulder. “Uh, guys?”Bucket-head saw cardboard cutouts of his ‘friends’ in the bushes, which puzzled him until he realized they must have left him to his gruesome fate.Figures, Bucket-head thought. They weren’t going to hunt dinosaurs at all. They just wanted to get rid of me.Bucket-head looked back to the dinosaur and saw, to his horror, that there were multiple dinosaurs now. There were about 20 dinosaurs of various designs surrounding Bucket-head, although Bucket-head didn’t know where they came from or how he had not heard them arrive in the first place. Ninja biomechanical dinosaurs, perhaps?Whatever the case, they looked fierce. One dinosaur ripped a tree from its roots and used it as a toothpick before swallowing it whole, while another dinosaur – this one a triceratops – charged lasers on its three horns. All of them wore the same ‘I’m a Big Dino Now!’ bibs and the ‘DINO CON ‘12’ t-shirts, which would have made this situation hilarious if they weren’t about to kill Bucket-head.Just as Bucket-head was about to run for his life, Mata Nui fell from the trees and landed on the back of the first dinosaur. The dinosaur roared, but that was the last thing it did, for Mata Nui blew its brains out*** with a single bullet from his 40k MGA rifle.Then, as the dead dinosaur**** fell, Mata Nui jumped off it and landed in front of Bucket-head.“Oh, thank the Great Beings!” said Bucket-head with a sigh. “I almost thought you were-“Mata Nui punched Bucket-head in the face, sending the Skrall flying into the trees. Bucket-head smashed into the trees so hard that he felled a particularly giant tree that crushed a nearby city. Don’t worry, folks; it was a Skrall city, so no one of any particular importance died.“I am going to murder Mata Nui in his sleep,” Bucket-head grumbled, though he was unable to move due to every bone in his body being broken.Ignoring Bucket-head, Mata Nui whirled around and saw that there were now dozens more dinosaurs. Each dinosaur was about the size of a skyscraper, but Mata Nui wasn’t afraid. He grabbed the ground and yelled, “Now, Ackar, now!”The dinosaurs were confuzzled for a moment before Ackar fell from the trees, yelling, “Hiya, hiya BURN!”Ackar transformed into a giant flaming ball of fire and crashed right into the center of the gathered dinosaurs. Because the dinosaurs were too dumb to move out of the way, this created a massive explosion that destroyed Canada. Also it destroyed all of the dinosaurs*****, which I guess is important to the plot (maybe).Oh, wait. There’s one dinosaur left. It looked like all of the other dinosaurs, except that it wore a paper crown on its head like it was royalty or something. Who wants to guess that it’s the king of the dinosaurs?“I am King Dino!” the dinosaur roared, beating its chest like a gorilla. “And you have ruined Dino Con 2012! How dare you!”“Yeah, Ackar,” said Mata Nui, glaring at Ackar. “You were supposed to kill them, not wipe them out of existence again.”Ackar scratched the back of his head. “Sorry. Guess I got a little too excited.”“It doth not matter,” King Dino declared. “For I shall rip your bones from your body and replace them with sticks, which shall break because anatomically-speaking sticks cannot replace bones! And then you shall die!”“Replace this!” said Mata Nui.Our hero jumped into the air and, as he did so, seized a huge tree. He uprooted it and slammed it into King Dino, but to his shock, King Dino actually caught it. King Dino then pushed back, sending Mata Nui and the tree flying through the air, completely out of control.Mata Nui recovered immediately, however, and, with the strength of a thousand suns, destroyed the tree and reformed it as a saw blade. He hurled the blade at King Dino, but the dinosaur king was prepared. He ducked and caught the blade between his hands and then slammed it onto his back, thus somehow fusing the saw blade to him and making him a very sharp dinosaur.Then King Dino breathed fire, but Mata Nui was prepared. Our hero absorbed the flame into his 40k MGA and then shot it back at King Dino. King Dino opened his mouth to eat the flame, but when he swallowed it, he exploded******, raining guts and blood and all of that other nice stuff down on the jungle*******.The explosion caused a nearby tree to fall on Bucket-head, crushing him beneath its weight and breaking his bones (again).“Why me?” Bucket-head whimpered from underneath the tree. “Seriously, WHY ME?”-That night, Kiina went to the store and bought dinosaur meat since Mata Nui and Ackar destroyed all of the dinosaurs. They put it on Bucket-head’s tab, even though Bucket-head didn’t have any money to pay it back. Sucks to be Bucket-head.So the gang feasted on fresh dinosaur meat and threw a massive party, in which they blew up cars, tried to sell illegal substances to the police, and in general had a great time. It culminated with Mata Nui tying Bucket-head from a tree to act as a weird piñata. No one expected to get any candy from the Skrall, but they all had fun beating him with thick logs just the same********.*No animals were harmed in the making of this comedy**No animals were harmed in the making of this comedy***No animals were harmed in the making of this comedy****No animals were harmed in the making of this comedy*****No animals were harmed in the making of this comedy******No animals were harmed in the making of this comedy*******No animals were harmed in the making of this comedy********Bucket-head was harmed in the making of this comedy, howeverCommentary:

Side Story: Biomechanical Dinosaur Hunting

Subtitle: Because you demanded it!

I made up this side story after I wrote the rest of the story because I realized that TLE was incomplete without the famous biomechanical dinosaurs. I'm not sure where you'd fit it into the story's timeline. I'm think it takes place in the time gap between Chapters 18 and 19, which would make sense.And that's all for now. The Legend Imploded is coming out later this year at the earliest, so see you then, my dear readers!-TNTOS-

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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

A Writerly Blog
The Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness
(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14)
{The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)
(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)
The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)





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