Edited by Krayzikk Champion of RPGs, Feb 24 2012 - 11:49 PM.
In The Shadows: Review
Posted Feb 24 2012 - 12:06 PM
Posted Feb 24 2012 - 12:54 PM
Posted Mar 08 2012 - 07:21 PM
Posted Mar 25 2012 - 02:02 PM
not a lot of things match my avatar
Posted May 06 2012 - 11:33 AM
Bad Krayzikk, bad. But! I can say with the utmost confidence that the next chapter will be up tomorrow at the latest. I just have a little more polishing to do, and then, it will be ready.EDIT: New chapter posted. Also, a question for you all. Would you prefer long chapters with a longer wait, or shorter chapters with a shorter wait? Note: This chapter is not an indication. RL delayed the writing of this chapter.
I was only disappointed at the lack of chapters.I kinda wanna know what happens!
Edited by Krayzikk Champion of RPGs, May 06 2012 - 08:18 PM.
Posted May 07 2012 - 04:12 PM
Edited by Krayzikk Champion of RPGs, May 07 2012 - 04:13 PM.
Posted May 07 2012 - 07:50 PM
Nope, Mata Nui is still in place. And believe me, Mrak isn't nearly as scared as he's gonna get.
Oh, so Mata Nui doesn't get launched, he stays in control.Also, I'm having trouble seeing a scared Vortixx. I just never can think of them as being scared.
Posted Jul 19 2012 - 02:23 PM
Posted Aug 17 2012 - 02:32 PM
The passengers of this vessel, desperate as they were, had payed it’s owner a large sum to bring them to Metru Nui, a fact they would soon regret.
For the craft could not maintain it’s course for long.
'It's' is used for 'it is'. Those should have 'its', which is for things belonging to 'it'.
The sea claimed it’s prize, owing it to the stupidity of one being, who refused to make landfall on a nearby island.
'Toa' should always be capitalised. The same goes for 'Turaga', and 'Matoran', and the elements (Fire, Psionics, etcetera).CHAPTER 2
The toa of fire
Should be "No, I'm not kidding".
No, “‘m not kidding
the only sign of it’s former stateThis appears to be a common mistake in your writing, so I'd suggest keeping a careful eye out for it when proof-reading. CHAPTER 3Okay, first off, I despise the font that you're using in this chapter. I much preferred the plainer font used in chapters one and two. With that out of the way...
Here we are again.
It's armor was black
'An' should be 'and'.Alright, now that that's taken care of, it's time for my personal comments.The epic is good, and it appears that it's taking place in an alternate timeline judging by the references to events which don't quite fit with canon. I like the tension you've built up so far, and I'm looking forward to see how all of this works out (and hoping you post a chapter because, y'know, I read and reviewed your epic, you have to). - Vorex
The beast roared an slashed
Posted Jul 08 2013 - 12:27 AM
Shockingly, this still exists.Somehow I doubt my readers (All two of them. ) are still here after almost a here of absence, but hey. Maybe I'll pick up some new ones. Miraculously, I've posted a new chapter here. Not all that long, but with any luck, it's a bit of a quality bump from what I used to write.Also, the first two chapters pain me both in length and in writing, so I'll probably be rewriting those, assuming I don't lose steam on this project again.
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