I use a traffic light code fir final scores of my sections:
[color=#008000;]Green: [/color]Very Good
[color=#ff0000;]Red:[/color] Needs improvement
If bellow gold I give a little tip on how to progress to the next level
Okay, where do I begin(I mean that in a good way). I always try and be more positive when I review, and just see critisms as "little things we can change". Please, however, dont mistake me as easlity pleased. I think Ill get the few critisms out the way before we move on to the good bits so:
As far as I could see there were no grammar or spelling errors so that's all good stuff. I think my main little grip is something thats at the start and is not hard to fix and thats this part:
He had begun to review in his mind the lessons of his own youth when quiet laughter caught his attention instead. “What’s so funny?” He asked.“You’ve been my teacher for so long now, almost a full decade. And it’s taken me this long to figure out that the old ones really are thewiser ones. Whenever you want to begin this new training, I’m ready.”
Nothing wrong with the wording its self, just that it feels so sudden for me as the reader as Ineha is so against using her powers. A good way to fix this would be for us to have an insight and conflict of Ineha when she makes up her mind. It feels like you wasted a good opportunity to have a good old internal debate to flesh out the character a little bit more for further in the book.
Another thing I would like to say is that you could use with some more description. The description that you use is very good and you're by no means dangerously low on it. I just feel the image pained in my mind could be more vivid. For example, when you start a new scene in a new location, explain what it looks like around it. Its much easier to get engrossed in the action when you have a good vision.
"Badness" Level Severity: [color=#008000;]Green[/color] (For gold do the steps above)
Anyway that all the bad stuff out the way. Lets get on to the good parts.
Writing: Your writing is short but sweet. Its easy to read but I dont feel like Im reading a kiddy book.You use some very good imagery and like I said, some of the description you use is really amazing. Youve got it in you! I never feel lost as to what is going on so I can tell you have enough description in your writing and its very clear.
So Writing Gets a comfortable green [color=#008000;]Green[/color]. You can make it a[color=#daa520;] Gold [/color]by just adding a little more description.
Characters: I think its safe to say you connect very well with this characters, because you get inside their head and this allows us to know who they are and what they are like. Youve kept it simple with two main characters and one supporting character each for the two of them. As for the main characters you have done a really good job in fleshing them out and making the 3D. In my opinion, great characters > good writing. You make me actually care about them and what happened to them which is a really great thing. As for my favorite character, it has to be Kalott. I just really like here and she seems like a fun character to write. Shes not exactly minor but I would like to see more of her for definite. Evior isnt far behind and I defintly connect with him the most. You have very good verbal sparing and fun dialouge with all of them which is really nice to read. I also love it when the dialog seems fluent and non-static and you didnt fail to deliver.
Characters gets a very nice [color=#daa520;]Gold[/color]
The Story: I am defintly engrossed in the story and am very eager to find out what happends next. You havent made things simple which I like and youve gone for the good old complicated romance. I like it. Obviously with your great characters and very good writing, its backed up in a good trio of wonderfulness. I dont know how far you actually are to finishing but with Evior possible just about to confess I dont know. Defintly eager to see more from this and I dont say that lightly.
Story gets a [color=#daa520;]Gold[/color]
Final Score [color=#daa520;]Gold[/color]/[color=#008000;]Green[/color] border. Just improve green stuff to progress to gold.
Hope this review helped