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Parazan

Whenua's Tomb: Ssc9 Entry

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Entry into the Short Stories contest 9: http://www.bzpower.com/board/index.php?showtopic=3400's From: The fellowship of the ring(book),chapter 4:a journey in the dark,page 333-334.Whenua's tombThe light of the shaft fell directly on a table in the middle of the room: a single oblong block, about two feet high, upon which was laid a great slab of white stone."It looks like a tomb," muttered Takua, and bend forwards with a curious sense of foreboding, to look more closely at it. Matau came quickly to his side. On the slab ruins were deeply graven:J.R.R._Tolkien_-_Balin%27s_Tomb.jpg"These are Daeron's runes, such as were used of old in Onu-Koro", said Matau. "Here is written in the tongues of Toa and Onu-Matoran:WHENUA SON OF FHENUALORD OF ONU-KORO.""He is dead then," said Frodo. "I feared it was so." Onepu cast his hood over his face.-CDP


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His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.Oh boy. Let's get this started.

The light of the shaft fell directly on a table in the middle of the room: a single oblong block, about two feet high, upon which was laid a great slab of white stone."It looks like a tomb," muttered Takua, and bend forwards with a curious sense of foreboding, to look more closely at it. Matau came quickly to his side. On the slab ruins were deeply graven:<insert picture here>

Eh... Well, I know you wanted to use LotR stuff, but c'mon... At least use Matoran characters. It's extremely simple. Two ":" with the letter in the middle. Like so::k::n::i:

"These are Daeron's runes, such as were used of old in Onu-Koro", said Matau. "Here is written in the tongues of Toa and Onu-Matoran:WHENUA SON OF FHENUALORD OF ONU-KORO.""He is dead then," said Frodo. "I feared it was so." Onepu cast his hood over his face.

Son of Fhenua?1. Bionicles do not reproduce2. I question the judgement of choosing such a nameDoes Onu-Koro have lords?Also, "Frodo?"Now, I know this is a Short Story contest, but this is unnecessarily short. Also, I believe it is a LotR-themed contest. Not a type-page-and-replace-names contest. It could be considered plagiarism.To be honest, I would not enter this. It is overall a problematic controversy and could be DQ'd for plagiarism. Try writing a new one, longer and of your own writing. Edited by Shadow Guardian

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IC:

"It comes with the job," Halfimus explained, "I'm not paid enough to give anything outside quick flavour descriptions."

So pay me more AuRon.

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Agree with Shadow Guardian. Too short and, man, it's totally a cut-and-paste job.----- Lord of the Rings -----Titles: Dark Lord, Lord of Mordor, Lord of Gifts, Lord of Barad-Dûr, Lord of the Earth

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