The Chronicler's Company And The Bridge Of Death, Loosley Based On

[RaidMaster Productions]

This is a Non-Canon comedy based on Monty Python and Bionicle in the year 2001.Takua and his company have been traveling for several days, but still they hadn't reached Kini Nui. On this day, Takua noticed a strange bridge on the ice floes of Ko Kini."Is that..." Takua asked, pointing at the bridge, "The Bridge of Death?"It was, Takua knew this because he was the Chronicler, and he noticed it while searching for Matoro."Oh, crud." Moaned Tamaru, face palming himself."Look!" Kapura exclaimed. On one side of the bridge, there was a strange figure which looked like an infected Turaga. Takua didn't seem surprised to see him."Turaga Vakama told me that he is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveler seven questions-""Three questions." Corrected Kapura."Three questions, thank you, Kapura. " Takua responded. "If the traveler correctly answers all seven questions-""Three questions." Corrected Kapura once more."Three questions may cross in safety, thank you very much." Takua responded. Macku stepped forward and piped up,"What if you get a question wrong?""Then you are cast into the Pit of Blackness and Pain." Takua sighed. Tamaru rolled his eyes,"Oh, I'm not going." But it was too late, Takua pointed his finger at Tamaru."Tamaru, you are very brave you go." Tamaru's eyes widened, but he was quick to reply;"Hey, I've got a great idea: let Hafu go.""Yes, let me go, chronicler," Hafu replied. "By the time I'm finished you won't tell the difference between him and another Hafu Origina-""Hang on, Hang on!" Takua stopped Hafu mid-sentence. Then he instructed Hafu, slowly,"Just answer the seven questions-""Three questions." Kapura corrected, but that was enough for Takua to break down, screaming,[removed] before immediately calming down and continuing with "Three questions as best as you can." Hafu nodded."I understand." And went to the bridge."Good luck, Hafu!" Takua waved. "May the Great Spirit smile upon you!"Hafu was just inches away from the bridge when the keeper raised his hand."Stop! Who crosses the Bridge of Death must answer me these three questions," The keeper croaked, "And thee shalt pass." Hafu laughed at this,"Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper, I am not afraid.""What is your name?" Asked the Keeper."My name is Hafu.""What is your destination?""It is Kini Nui.""What village are you from?""Po Koro.""Right," The keeper croaked lightly, "Off you go." Hafu laughed and crossed the bridge.Meanwhile Tamaru and the rest of the company were watching Hafu's success."Ha, that's easy!" Tamaru laughed and sprinted to the bridge."Stop!" Ordered the kepper. "Who crosses the Bridge of Death must answer me these three questions, and thee shalt pass." Tamaru imitated Hafu, saying,"Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper, I am not afraid.""What is your name?" Asked the Keeper."It is Tamaru.""What is your destination?""It is Kini Nui.""What is the capital of Turkmenistan?"Tamaru's mouth dropped wide open at this question. "I- I don't know that!" And with that Tamaru suddenly went flying in the air and fell into the pit, where flames covered him and he was never seen again.Taipu slowly walked towards the bridge, obviously scared."Stop!" Ordered the Keeper."What is your name?""M-m-my name is-is-is Taipu." Taipu stammered."What is your destination?""It-it-it's Kini Nui.""What village are you from?""PO KORO!" Shouted Taipu, he realized his mistake. "No, Onu-!" But it was too late, he was already into the air and he fell into the pit to join Tamaru in lifelong pain. The Keeper watching laughed sinisterly.Kopeke walked to the Keeper."Stop!" Ordered the Keeper."What is your name?"Kopeke stood there, silent as a rabbit."I said, 'What is your name?'" The Keeper asked, angrily. Kopeke remained silent. So Kopeke went flying and was cast into the pit with his companions."Ha, mute peice of lava bones." Laughed the Keeper.Takua marched forward to the Keeper."Stop!" Takua stopped."What is your name?""It is Takua, Chronicler of Ta Koro.""What is your destination?""It is Kini Nui.""What is the airspeed velocity of a Gukko bird?" At that Takua thought for a long time. Finally he answered,"Which one, a Kahu subspecies of Gukko or a regular Gukko?" The Keeper was flabbergast."Uh, wha-wha- I don't know about any subspecies of Gukko?!" And just like that he flew up in the air and with a shriek fell into the pit to join his victims for all eternity.As they were crossing the bridge at last, Macku tapped Takua's shoulder and asked, "How do you know so much about Gukkos?"Takua sighed, "Well, you just have to know these things when you're a chronicler you know."(Most likely not)The End

Edited March 26, 2012 by Hahli Husky

[Toa Sonis]

Poor Taipu. But the airspeed velocity of a Gukko part was really randomly hilarious!