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The Adventures Of Tahu


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#1 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Mar 28 2012 - 05:39 PM

Welcome, fellow BZP members to The Adventures of Tahu! This is my first comedy, so please give C&C and bear with me!Posted ImageThe Adventures of TahuSeason 1: TransportPrologue: The Wet Conversation Tahu Nuva sat down in a wet chair staring at a wet desk and a wet Toa. Basically, everything around him was wet, and he absolutely hated it. Fire and water did not go together, and never would. For this reason Tahu wanted to burn down the room, but he would undoubtedly be killed by the Toa sitting across from him. She was blue, had battle-scarred armor, and wore a Great Mask of Psychometry. She was the leader of the Order of Mata Nui: Helryx.Helryx looked up from her computer at Tahu with a stern look on her face. “What is it, Tahu?” she said with a tone that made him shiver. “Uh…..like….hi?” Tahu muttered. “I…uh…like-“ “First of all, don’t stutter,” Helryx ordered. “Now go.” “Um, fine,” he said. “This place is boring.” Helryx was shocked. “Excuse me-“ “No, no excuses. I’m sorry. But I’ve been here for 100,000 years. I want to go to other worlds. Bigger and more interesting. And I came here for your approval,” Tahu paused to let it sink in. “Well?” Helryx suggested a theory. “Why not go to Zakaz? It’s quite interesting. How about the Endless Ocean? Maybe there’s an island we never knew about. Or even Mata Nui? You haven’t been there in a year.” Helryx thought he would change his mind. She was wrong. “No,” Tahu rejected. “I want to go to places out of this world.”Helryx stared at him with her intense red eyes. “Look, Toa. There is no leaving this world alive while I am leader. Anyone tries to go, I kill them. Anyone thinks of going, I kill them. But…” she added for emphasis, “I won’t kill you. You are too valuable.” Tahu was ecstatic. “Thank you,” he said proudly. “So, here’s my deal to you. You forget about this, and I promote you. Give you nice gold armor and maybe an improved body structure. You attempt to leave, and I jail you. You try to kill me, and then I kill you.” “Um…okay,” Tahu muttered. “What’s the matter? You should be proud for your hard work. I would never do this to a regular Toa. Now go,” she ordered, “and make the right decision.”As Tahu left Daxia, he thought about his talk with Helryx. He knew the right decision: to forget. He did want a promotion, but he yearned for something more. He wanted to be free as Voya Nui when it was separated from The Cord. He wanted to be free from Helryx’s reign. He wanted a new life.

Thus, Tahu would have to do the impossible. He would have to escape.

To Be Continued…Yes, I know, not very funny. But, it's the prologue, so don't worry. Things are going to get spiced up now :).~TN:TS~

Edited by Meta Nuva, Oct 14 2012 - 04:43 PM.

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#2 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted Mar 30 2012 - 02:38 PM

Give you nice gold armor and maybe an improved body structure.Nice take on the whole golden armor thing...can't wait to see how Tahu manages to pull off an escape from Helryx!

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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#3 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Mar 31 2012 - 10:10 AM

Thanks, Toa Sonis! As for the escape...well:

The Adventures of Tahu

Season 1: Transport

Chapter 2: The Truth

“Hurry up, you old coot!” Tahu shouted.“Don’t rush me, young Toa,” Nuju scolded. “Besides, this was your idea, not mine.”Tahu had stayed with his thoughts and planned to leave through a transporter Nuju would create. However, these were his setbacks with Nuju: Nuju was old, a Turaga, and cocky. He was quite slow, too, and that was caused by his oldness. In fact, it had taken him five years to find the blueprints. (5*365)+1. And that’s terrible.But, after one more year (with help, of course), he had finished. Almost. He just needed to put in the destination, and Tahu didn’t know where to go.“So many choices,” Tahu mused. “Where should I go?” “Hurry up, young Toa. Not much time,” Nuju warned.“Don’t rush me, you old coot! You took six years to finish this. I have that much to choose.“No. Toa, you don’t understand. You’ve been in this apartment for six years. You’ve ignored all calls from Helryx. Do you know how mad she is at you? Helryx is the most powerful being in this world. She’s been in power ever since she came into being. She excluded herself from the Toa Code. She’s insane! Do you know what happens when she gives you upgrades?”Tahu couldn’t breathe. All his pride was being taken away from him. It was replaced by the power of hatred towards Helryx.“She kills Matoran. She kills those poor, innocent Matoran and uses their bodies for you. Not all are innocent, but most don’t deserve it. She works with Makuta, and together they are unstoppable. Get out, before she gets you. Before they get you,” Nuju added, looking out the window.Tahu looked down at the streets of Ko-Metru. Besides ice and snow, he saw a big army of Makuta, Dark Hunters, and on the other side, the other Toa Nuva, some Turaga, and Matoran right behind them. The Matoran were risking their own lives for him.“Oh, great. Now I have guilt,” Tahu said, followed by a hard facepalm to his mask.“No time for movie quotes, or funniness.” Nuju ordered.“But this is a comedy,” Tahu whined.Suddenly, a wall exploded. Before it did, though, Tahu saw a number four painted on it. Before Nuju could exclaim that the fourth wall had been broken, though, five beings came through the new hole: Axonn, The Shadowed One, Makuta (Teridax), Helryx, and in Axonn’s hand, Kopaka.“Help me…” Kopaka moaned.Helryx spoke, ignoring Kopaka’s plea for help. “So, you see, Toa, I am not stupid. I had of course, hoped that you would heed my words. But I knew, in the end, you would attempt to escape. Now, here’s the truth, Toa: There is no escaping here. Ever.”Tahu ignored her as he selected a desert planet to go to. It looked hot, and hot was good. “You’re wrong, Helryx. You’re wrong. You’re a dictator. You kill innocent Matoran. You kill in general. You haven’t given anyone a chance to be leader but yourself. You are a liar,” Tahu accused.Helryx froze. How could he know all of this? She thought. And then a one-word plan formulated in her head. “ATTACK!” she screamed, thrusting herself into Tahu with a kick. Her colleagues followed suit with a CRASH and the beginning of a war.

To Be Continued…

Tried to make it funny this time. I didn't expect it to be so long, but I think it's good. Comments?~TNTS~

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#4 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted Apr 02 2012 - 09:18 PM

Nuju took five years to find blueprints!? He's either really slow, really thorough, really lazy, or some combination of the three...This is gonna be quite the battle. And what on earth is Kopaka doing there?
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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#5 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Apr 03 2012 - 02:28 PM

Well, as it stated in the chapter, Nuju was: old, a Turaga, cocky, and slow. And plus, he's an inventor, so after all those years, he has quite a lot of blueprints. As for Kopaka, he's part of the Toa Nuva, and Helryx had captured him when she was marching through the streets of Ko-Metru. Chapter 3 coming today or tomorrow. ~TNTS~
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#6 Online MT Zehvor

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Posted Apr 04 2012 - 06:03 PM

Seems more like an epic than a comedy. Regardless, it's very well written. The color changing texts are a nice touch, and Helryx's personality is a new take on someone who's always been portrayed as much...calmer, I suppose.Or at least not a murderer. :PMT
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#7 Offline ManiacToaLaco

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Posted Apr 04 2012 - 08:10 PM

Seems more like an epic than a comedy. Regardless, it's very well written. The color changing texts are a nice touch, and Helryx's personality is a new take on someone who's always been portrayed as much...calmer, I suppose.Or at least not a murderer. :PMT

Basically what I was going to say, but then again, an epic/comedy can be quite a good read, with good action and some jokes that are really funny. So far so good I say!MTL

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#8 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Apr 04 2012 - 08:27 PM

Thanks MTL and MT! As for epic/comedy, I hope it's more comedish now:

The Adventures of Tahu

Season 1: Transport

Chapter 3: Escape

Nuju had frozen in horror at the sight of Helryx. Yes, she was his leader, and hadn’t killed him (yet), but he was still downright scared of her and her vast army.For the sake of Tahu and possibly all good beings, he locked the door to his invention room. In there was the Transport, a Mask of Immortality, his blueprints, and many other inventions that, if they fell into the wrong hands, would not be good for society. “Phew,” Nuju puffed with a sigh of relief.Meanwhile, Tahu was busy fending off Helryx and her group. He was not faring well, but he was at least able to hurt her with words.“You’re a bad leader,” Tahu said. “All you do is kill Matoran.”“Well, what else can I do?” Helryx queried. “I have to practice my fighting skills on somebody.”“Well, I wouldn’t kill helpless Matoran for that.”“They’re little devils!” Helryx fired back. “They keep destroying my billboards! They refuse to read Helryx’s Herald! They don’t even use my mask polish!”“That’s because they’re afraid something bad is in the polish! They also hate that you just make yourself famous!” Tahu paused. “Not to mention that you haven’t even been made into a set.”The fourth wall cracked.“LEGO just has a supreme lack of making the right decisions,” Helryx retorted.At this, the fourth wall exploded. Suddenly, beings of all kinds stumbled in: the other Toa Nuva, Dark Hunters, Matoran, and the other Turaga. The small apartment became so crowded that claustrophobics would die if they were there. Doors were opened, chairs were on their sides, and worst of all, the previous five-person army was banging on the door to the invention room. Chaos had come to Nuju’s apartment.“Help me,” Kopaka moaned. “Please.”This time, Tahu could help. He unleashed a wave of fire that melted the steel bars. Unfortunately, the fire also partially melted the lock to the invention room nearby.“Well, now what?” Tahu sighed. Now he could see the door being opened just a crack, but enough to see the Transport. “We can fend them off,” insisted Kopaka.“No. This is my job. Just try to save the Matoran. Please.”As Kopaka left, Tahu dove into Makuta, who fell into Axonn, starting a domino effect.“This can’t happen!” exclaimed Helryx.“Only in comedies,” Tahu said as the fourth ceiling fell. With this distraction, Tahu slipped into the invention room as cries came from the other end. For sure Helryx was alive, and she would definitely try to kill him. But for now, he had escaped the worst part. Or so he thought.

To Be-

And sure enough, Helryx barged right in just as the chapter was supposed to end. She didn’t want the chapter ending without her famous victory over Tahu, now, did she?“What?” Tahu exclaimed bemusedly. “The chapter was supposed to end now! I was supposed to get peace and quiet!”“Not today, Zurg,” she quoted as she led her groupies in the destroyed doorway. Unsurprisingly, it had a 4 over it.“Why does everything with the number 4 have to explode whenever we break the fourth wall?” Tahu moaned.“Because we already broke the fourth wall,” Helryx said matter-of-factly.“Oh.”“And now,” Helryx said, “I’m going to break you.”Before Tahu could make a move, or Helryx could win, the chapter ended.

To Be Continued in the Next Chapter

How was it?~TNTS~

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#9 Online MT Zehvor

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Posted Apr 05 2012 - 06:41 PM

Nuju had frozen in horror at the sight of Helryx. Yes, she was his leader, and hadn’t killed him (yet), but he was still downright scared of her and her vast army.For the sake of Tahu and possibly all good beings, he locked the door to his invention room. In there was the Transport, a Mask of Immortality, his blueprints, and many other inventions that, if they fell into the wrong hands, would not be good for society.“Phew,” Nuju puffed with a sigh of relief.

Is Helryx incapabable of breaking down doors?Owell. Very good chappy regardless.MT

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#10 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted Apr 05 2012 - 09:32 PM

What is Nuju doing with a bunch of stuff that could be potentially bad for society?? I'm not sure I trust him..Certainly more comedic, it will be interesting to see how this turns out.
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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#11 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Apr 06 2012 - 10:06 AM

Nuju had frozen in horror at the sight of Helryx. Yes, she was his leader, and hadn’t killed him (yet), but he was still downright scared of her and her vast army.For the sake of Tahu and possibly all good beings, he locked the door to his invention room. In there was the Transport, a Mask of Immortality, his blueprints, and many other inventions that, if they fell into the wrong hands, would not be good for society.“Phew,” Nuju puffed with a sigh of relief.

Is Helryx incapabable of breaking down doors?Owell. Very good chappy regardless.MT

Well, it would delay her.

What is Nuju doing with a bunch of stuff that could be potentially bad for society?? I'm not sure I trust him..Certainly more comedic, it will be interesting to see how this turns out.

If they fell into the wrong hands. If the Mask of Immortality fell into Helryx's possession, for example, she would rule the world forever (as long as the mask was still on). This would be horrible for society.Thanks guys! Chapter 4 should hopefully be up tonight.~TNTS~

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#12 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted Apr 09 2012 - 09:00 PM

Oi. An immortal Helryx would certainly be a scary thought. By the way, nice "fourth ceiling" thing...maybe they're in a decagon. ^_^
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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#13 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Apr 13 2012 - 10:02 AM

So here I am, 8 days late. Spring break really does mess you up.

The Adventures of Tahu

Season 1: Transport

Chapter 4: Gone

“As I said in the last chapter, I’m going to break you,” Helryx said.“Aw, come on,” Tahu said as the fourth flower pot exploded. “Why does it have to end like this?”“Because,” Helryx paused. “I’m the leader.”“And?”“That’s all. I’m the leader, and so you have to do what I say.”“NEVER!” Tahu shrieked as he dove into Helryx. He knocked down several tables, and several protodermis cans spilled onto the two. The other four joined in the brawl, with an angry Nuju not far behind.“My protodermis!” he shrieked. “I worked on that for two years!”“What’s so valuable about protodermis?” Axonn questioned.“IT”S PIZZA FLAVORED!” Nuju sobbed.“How could you?” The Shadowed One yelled. “I’m allergic to pizza! Auuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” he screamed, running away from the pizza protodermis as it started to eat his armor away.Tahu shrugged. “Why-““I don’t know,” Helryx answered. “But I, for sure, am kicking him out of the Order.”“Not before I kick you out the window,” Tahu said as he charged her. The two knocked over several more tables as The Shadowed One and Nuju sobbed in pain. Eventually, Makuta got tired of this and picked Nuju up by the legs.“What are you crying about?” Makuta asked.“All my precious inventions. Gone. Thanks to you,” he whispered. “Well, you and Helryx. All my inventions.”“Well, not all of them are good, like the Transport. Which means…you’re pushing up daisies.”“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooobb-“ Nuju yelled, not only in objection but also trying to create the world’s longest “no”. He failed with a “nob”.“You were a good being, until now. So…say goodbye to your sand pile.”“Sand pile? These are inventions, you cool dude!”“Sorry. That’s just my death sentence. Maybe, when I destroy Mata Nui, I’ll use those words…if I’m on a sand pile.”

. . .

Tahu was not faring well. While he’d pushed Axonn into a Stasis Tube, Helryx was still pushing him further towards the Transport. There was no doubt that she wanted it destroyed.“Not too much longer,” Helryx puffed. “Soon this lab will be destroyed and you with it.”“Ugh,” Tahu moaned. “You’ve been saying that for the last few chapters,” he said as the fourth window shattered. “Why not do it?”“Because you’re fighting me. Well, my saying isn’t the only cliché thing. Every time we say we’re in a chapter or something, something related to 4 somehow explodes.“ “Well, the number 4 in Chinese means death, doesn’t it?” he asked as the fourth stasis tube broke. This happened to have Axonn inside. “Oh dear.”“Here’s AXXIE!” Axonn screamed, propelling himself onto Tahu and Helryx with a snap.

. . .

Kopaka wasn’t faring very well either. So far, he had annihilated five Dark Hunters, trapped two Makuta, and thrown Bitil out the newly shattered fourth window. And yet, a piece of the fourth floor had fallen. He was on that piece. And so he fell, screaming, onto the third floor.Kopaka moaned, rubbing his mask. “Where am I?”“My apartment,” Onewa said. “Get out.”“Why? What’s wrong?” Kopaka queried. “Is it because I’m a Toa? Or I’m too cold for you, or something? I happen to be very good friends with Pohatu and I’m sure he can knock sense into you-““That’s what I hate. Fighting. You are part of the battle upstairs, you bring fighting down here. Do you know how much of a racket you cause?”“Um, a lot.”“That. Was. A. Rhetorical. Question. You. Don’t. Answer. It.”“Um. Sorry?”Onewa continued without an answer. “Countless Matoran are dying up there. That’s what I hate most of all.”Kopaka suddenly froze and left, running upstairs without explanation. He remembered Tahu’s words, “Just try to save the Matoran. Please.” He grabbed Vhisola and stuffed her into the hole in the floor without a word. It may have been weird or scary for her. But she was safe with Onewa. One down, 500 to go.

. . .

“Please, no. Please don’t kill me,” Nuju pleaded.“Why not?” Makuta questioned. “Give me two good reasons.”“I’ve helped you in the past,” Nuju said. “I also made some evil weapons.”“Why?”“I don’t know. Let’s take the Mask of Immortality.”Nuju was trying to save himself. He knew it was wrong, but he had to help Helryx, or else. “It’s over there!” he pointed, at a transparent mask.Makuta grabbed the mask and yelled to Helryx, ”CATCH!”Helryx looked up, but the mask hit her and sent her flying. Tahu used this moment to push Axonn off of him and hurl himself towards the Transport. “What are doing?” Helryx shrieked.“Kissing this world good bye,” Tahu said happily. With a wave of fire and a wicked backflip, Tahu Nuva flew into the Transport.Helryx steamed. Not only was Tahu gone, the lab was burning down with the Transport. “Axonn,” she screamed. “Follow him!”“Yes, my lady,” he said, jumping through the flames and into the portal. Seconds later, the lab, Tahu, Axonn, and the Transport were gone.

To Be Continued…

Well? How was my very late chappy?~TNTS~

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#14 Offline Sir Voltex the Blue

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Posted Apr 13 2012 - 03:22 PM

This is pretty good for your first comedy; I think the different font colours are a little confusing, and it could use more jokes, but this is still far better than a lot of comedies out there. I enjoyed the line about the fourth ceiling (it made all the fourth wall jokes before worth it), and also Turaga Onewa.So yeah. Perhaps I'll follow if time permits.-ibrow
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#15 Offline Athmos

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Posted Apr 13 2012 - 04:50 PM

This is pretty good. Most of it makes me smile, some chuckles and maybe one good laugh per episode. The font color change kinda hurts my eyes, but it does help me keep track of who's speaking and who's who.
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WIP


#16 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Apr 13 2012 - 05:15 PM

This is pretty good for your first comedy; I think the different font colours are a little confusing, and it could use more jokes, but this is still far better than a lot of comedies out there. I enjoyed the line about the fourth ceiling (it made all the fourth wall jokes before worth it), and also Turaga Onewa.So yeah. Perhaps I'll follow if time permits.-ibrow

Well, the fourth wall is gone now, so what gets destroyed in its place?How are the font colors confusing? Red for fire, blue for water, green for air, gray for ice, brown for stone, black for shadow/earth. Yeah, it needs work, doesn't it?

This is pretty good. Most of it makes me smile, some chuckles and maybe one good laugh per episode.The font color change kinda hurts my eyes, but it does help me keep track of who's speaking and who's who.

Well, there's one reason color change is good. And one reason it's bad. What do I do with it?Thanks guys. I do need more jokes, but it is getting funnier, right?Chapter 5 coming hopefully this weekend.~TNTS~

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#17 Online MT Zehvor

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Posted Apr 13 2012 - 08:59 PM

Nice ending. The middle of the chapter was a bit tedious, but the ending more than made up for it. Tahu's my fav character so far.Can't wait for next chappy.-MT
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#18 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Apr 16 2012 - 09:45 AM

Where in the middle was it tedious? Well, at least the ending was good :).I'm keeping the font colors for this chapter, next chapter may be the color of good old black.EDIT: Unless you don't want me to, is it all right if I keep the colors? To clarify, I will post a color chart next chapter.

The Adventures of Tahu

Season 1: Transport

Chapter 5: A New Start

Helryx opened her eyes. It was dark, hot, and there was something pinning her to the ground. For the first time in her life, she felt powerless.“Help me!” she screamed. But there was no answer. She tried to get up, and yet, she couldn’t. She looked harder, but she still saw nothing. She even tried to summon water, but she was drier than the deserts of Bara Magna. Tahu had shown all the beings in this world that she wasn’t invincible. She could be beaten, and now she probably would be. Unless…Helryx searched her body and mind for water. Just one drop was all she needed. She looked, and almost lost hope. Then, she found it. Helryx expanded it, making it bigger and bigger until; finally, she let it explode into her limbs as pure energy. She felt strong again, and knew that her reign was not over. She punched through the rubble and ashes, until she finally saw light…

. . .

Takanuva entered Nuju’s apartment. He knew that an uprising had occurred here, thanks to about three hundred Matoran in Onewa’s apartment and destruction in the streets. They said that they had fought at first, but were lowered to safety by the Toa Nuva without an explanation. “They probably wanted you protected.” Takanuva had said.“Why do you think that?” Onewa asked the Matoran in a teacher-like voice.“Unity?” Onepu asked.“Duty?” Tamaru answered.“Destiny?” Kopeke queried.“Yes, good job, you three. Now go grab a cookie or something.” Onewa said with a smile. “You might want to go upstairs. There’s a lot of trouble.” he suggested.

. . .

Takanuva went into Nuju’s apartment and gasped in horror. There were beings all over the floor, but mostly bad ones. A wall (which Takanuva would find was the fourth), a ceiling (the fourth), a part of a floor (also the fourth), and even a flower pot (you know which one!) were destroyed. He even saw an entire room with a bunch of holes in the walls. Takanuva said “Well, why not?” and stumbled in.“Is the pizza protodermis gone?” asked The Shadowed One.“Yes,” Makuta said as he put down his mop. “You can come out now.”The Shadowed One stepped out from behind a blackened shelf. His old armor had mostly melted off, but TSO had new protosteel on his body, and a big axe to match it. He wondered where Axonn had gone, and what happened while he had his allergic reaction. He looked at a huge pile of rubble on the floor. “What is that?” TSO asked.“Where Helryx lies,” Makuta sighed. “And possibly where she will lay forever.”Suddenly, beings stumbled in the holes. Was it because of the eerie silence? Or possibly the heat or joy that Helryx was dead? We do not know, but they came in anyway.“Is…Helryx…dead?” Nuhrii said quizzically.“We’ll see ever-quick if she is,” said Lewa hopefully.No sound. Nothing fell from the pile, so they rejoiced.“Ding, dong, Helryx is dead, sing it high, sing it low,” Kopaka sung. The others joined in euphorically and sang their hearts out. Until, a voice came out powerfully, so loud it drowned out their singing.“Yes,” Helryx said with relief, punching her fist through the rubble. “Freedom. And stop singing Wizard of Oz. I hate that movie.”Everyone froze. Their party was over, and they didn’t like it, so they began to form an angry mob.“Ohhhh,” said Helryx. “You think that just because Tahu escaped, you are more powerful than me. Well, watch.” She picked up Nuju with two fingers.“Put me down, you cool dude!” Nuju screamed.“This is what happens when you don’t listen to me,” Helryx said. With a snap of her wrist, she flung Nuju out the window.“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo(*100,000,000,000,000,000)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Nuju screamed, breaking the longest “no” record. However, before he could receive an award, he fell into a largely oversized bucket on the ground and ended his “no”. The old inventor had literally “kicked the bucket”.“Now,” Helryx continued. “Who’s next?”

. . .

Tahu plummeted into sand. He felt himself continue to go through sand, farther and farther. For the first time in six years, heat coursed through his body. He unleashed a wave of fire. It felt amazing.Tahu slowed to a halt. Amazingly, he was still in the desert, but he was happy. Finally, he was away from that water planet, and Helryx. He knew he had made a new start for him and the Matoran Universe. Now I have a new, fresh beginning away from Helryx, he thought. For once I can make my decisions. I live in a world of heat. But this wasn’t just for me, was it? Tahu queried. I have created an uprising! Now, for the first time in their world, they can overthrow Helryx! They can rule the world on their own and make a new start.Of course, though, Tahu knew it was not that easy. He knew he had been followed by someone (not Helryx), and Helryx was probably still alive. But everyone had a new start. Or at the very least, a chance.

End of Season 1

To Be Continued…in Season 2

For Season 2 I'm thinking of (for a title) either Consequence or Magna. Which do think is better?Also, just a side note, each Season will consist of around 5 chapters. Also, I previously skipped from the Prologue to Chapter 2. For future reference, the Prologue will be like a Chapter 1 from now on.There are now 100+ views for this comedy! Thank you for your comments and simply reading!~TNTS~

Edited by Tahu Nuva: Toa of Silver, Apr 18 2012 - 03:12 PM.

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#19 Online MT Zehvor

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Posted Apr 16 2012 - 06:29 PM

Helryx opened her eyes. It was dark, hot, and there was something pinning her to the ground. For the first time in her life, she felt powerless.

Stuck in a McDonalds ball pit.

“Why do you think that?” Onewa asked the Matoran in a teacher-like voice.“Unity?” Onepu asked.“Duty?” Tamaru answered.“Destiny?” Kopeke queried.“Yes, good job, you three. Now go grab a cookie or something.” Onewa said with a smile. “You might want to go upstairs. There’s a lot of trouble.” he suggested.

The right answer for everything!

Tahu slowed to a halt. Amazingly, he was still in the desert, but he was happy. Finally, he was away from that water planet, and Helryx.

And he can party for the next 7 days until he dies of thirst. :PGood chappy. This one's probably your best so far.-MT

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#20 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Apr 20 2012 - 04:01 PM

Helryx opened her eyes. It was dark, hot, and there was something pinning her to the ground. For the first time in her life, she felt powerless.

Stuck in a McDonalds ball pit.

“Why do you think that?” Onewa asked the Matoran in a teacher-like voice.“Unity?” Onepu asked.“Duty?” Tamaru answered.“Destiny?” Kopeke queried.“Yes, good job, you three. Now go grab a cookie or something.” Onewa said with a smile. “You might want to go upstairs. There’s a lot of trouble.” he suggested.

The right answer for everything!

Tahu slowed to a halt. Amazingly, he was still in the desert, but he was happy. Finally, he was away from that water planet, and Helryx.

And he can party for the next 7 days until he dies of thirst. :PGood chappy. This one's probably your best so far.-MT

To the first one: :lol:To the second one: Isn't the right answer for everything 42?To the third one: :lol: I don't believe Bionicles drink.And thank you :P. Maybe this chapter will top that.

The Adventures of Tahu

Season 2: Consequence

Chapter 1: Surprises

“Here’s AXXIE!” Axonn screamed as his feet touched the sand. “Come out, you little fireball! Don’t be scared!”“Excuse me?” a gravelly voice answered.Axonn froze. There, in front of him, and roughly the same size, was a red and orange being. He looked weary, but still a strong fighter. “Oh, hi old timer,” Axonn teased. “How are you doing? Do you need help?”“With what?” the ‘old timer’ asked. “Oh, well, you’re old, and you look like you need help to walk. Here, let me hold your back-““I’m fine.” “No, look, senior,” Axonn said. “You’re old. Old beings need help with walking.”“Excuse me?”“Here, let me hold your back, old moldy-”“I, THE GLATORIAN ACKAR, DO NOT NEED HELP WITH WALKING. NOR AM I AN “old timer”, A “senior”, OR AN “old moldy”. I. AM. ACKAR,” he screamed. With this yell, he calmed himself.“You sure you don’t need help, old yeller?” Axonn queried.“THAT’S IT, COOL DUDE! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!” With this yell, Ackar slashed Axonn’s leg, taking off some armor.“Senior,” Axonn wailed in pain. “That really hurt!” “Ugh,” Ackar said. “They. Never. Learn.” Ackar slashed the other leg, causing Axonn to fall onto the ground, holding both of his legs in pain. Before Axonn could throw his axe at Ackar, Ackar hopped into his Thornatus and sped away.“Axxie sad,” Axonn cried as he lost consciousness---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tahu ran across the desert for quite some time. He soon started to get tired. “Ugh,” he said to himself. “Where am I? Oh, wait. Desert. Where’s the jungle, or mountains? I don’t even think it would hurt to find a waterfall. Just something,” he wished. “I came here for adventure.” Tahu stopped, and fell into the sand. For a moment, he was still. Then, the sand sunk. “Help me! I’m sinking!” Tahu wailed. He should have studied the difference between sand and quicksand, or at least known about it. Because now, he was as good as dead. “Hey dude,” a blue being shouted from afar. As he got closer, Tahu could see he had a sword (that looked like Tahu Mata’s flame sword, but in blue), a flame (bluish) helmet, and a shield of some sort. He was taller than a Matoran, but still smaller than Tahu. “Need help?” “Oh, Mata-Nui, yes,” Tahu said, relieved. “Who in the name of the Great Beings is Mata-Nui?” the young being said, quizzically. “My name is Berix,” he continued. “Who are you?” “Tahu,” the Toa said. As Berix pulled him out of the quicksand, he wondered how Berix could not know Mata-Nui, and yet know about the Great Beings. He decided to save that for another time as Berix hopped on to a two-person motorcycle. “Ready when you are,” Berix said with a smile. “We’re going to Vulcanus. Ever heard of Gelu or Ackar?” “No, of course not,” Tahu said. “Hmmm,” Berix mused. “You must have come from Creep Canyon. It’s weird I’ve never seen you before…” For a second Tahu almost thought Berix knew something. “Well, whatever. Let’s see…we’re in the Sea of Liquid Sand…hmm, not too far. Let’s go!” Berix started his motorcycle and sped off. Soon Tahu did the same. As he sped off after Berix, Tahu knew he was happy. He had a friend.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The island of Mata-Nui had been deserted for quite some years, ever since Takanuva had opened the gate to Metru-Nui. Until now. Makuta walked around the island, carefully investigating it for Tahu. “Where could he be?” Makuta thought. “Certainly not here,” a Matoran said behind him. “This place is deserted ever since that cool dude Takua got himself transformed into a Toa. Then he beat you up, and brought people back to the brain.” “Ahkmou! You aren’t perfect either, are you? LEGO turned down making you into a set in 2008!” “Well, you were made into a set once!” “Thrice,” Makuta said as the fourth tree fell down. “Okay, then. I lose. So what are you out here for?” Makuta sighed. “Trying to find another cool dude, Tahu Nuva.” “Oh yeah. The one that escaped.” “Shut up. Now if he’s not here…oh no,” Makuta said, looking at his communicator. “TSO is on the Southern Continent—nothing. Helryx on Daxia—also nothing. We’ve got searchers on every island, even one underwater. He isn’t anywhere.” “On this world,” Ahkmou added. “Look up at the stars—see anything?” “Yeah,” Makuta said. “Stars.” “No. I mean the small green and big tan circles. Ehyre told me those are other worlds. What if he’s there?” Ahkmou paused. “The green or the tan? He wouldn't be here. He would be somewhere hot." “So…he’s in the tan world?” “Precisely,” Ahkmou said. “And I will help you find him.”

To Be Continued…

~TN:TS~EDIT: C+C moved.

Edited by Tahu Nuva: Toa of Silver, Jul 18 2012 - 06:34 PM.

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#21 Online MT Zehvor

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Posted Apr 20 2012 - 08:52 PM

“Ahkmou! You aren’t perfect either, are you? LEGO turned down making you into a set in 2008!”

I'm kinda surprised this was brought up as the first of his faults over that whole betrayal thing back in 2005..Though technically, that hasn't happened yet.

Makuta sighed. “Trying to find another cool dude, Tahu Nuva.”

He's a very cool dude. :PGood chappy. Probably second favorite so far. Nothing's been as good as the one preceding this so far though.-MT

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#22 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Apr 21 2012 - 09:35 PM

Well, it's nice to know my chapter holds a record :).And 2005 has happened. In fact, everything up to 2007 has already happened. To clarify: READ:

The Adventures of Tahu

Season 2: Consequence

Chapter 2: The Past ---------------------------------------------------------

“So you have no idea where he is?” Helryx queried.“Are you kidding me? I’ve been out of touch with him for months!” Kopaka said. “What did he tell you?” “To come to Ko-Metru. I was in Le-Metru at the time, helping Matau fend off Nui-Rama. Tahu said he wanted to show me something.”“Which was most obviously the Transport?”“Yeah, it was. How come you hate ice characters? You killed Nuju, jailed Ehyre, and have Matoro and the other Toa Mahri in stasis tubes somewhere on this island-“ “What did you just say?” Helryx asked angrily.“You didn’t want Mata-Nui to survive, because he would kill you for being a bad leader. So you captured the Toa Mahri, with the help of a Maxilos robot and the Barraki, and put them in stasis tubes somewhere. So that when Mata-Nui died, which unfortunately happened twenty years ago, they could not save him. All thanks to you, and that strange Maxilos robot, who we know better as Makuta Teridax.”Helryx was silent. He knows every part of it, Helryx thought. And again, how do beings know this? Is he this smart? Did he just guess? Now there’s another thing they could accuse me for. But I won’t let it happen. “You aren’t denying it. I’m right,” Kopaka said.“You are going down,” Helryx roared. “And now that’s one more ice being you hate,” Kopaka continued. “Well, I am royally screwed over now.”“Yes, yes you are,” Helryx muttered as she charged Kopaka.--------------------------------------------------------------“Slow down! We’re here!” Berix yelled. As Tahu slowed down, he saw a red mini-city of some sort. He guessed it was Vulcanus. He drove in and saw beings of all kinds walk through the streets, of all different colors, which was quite a departure from the standard red, blue, green, white, brown, black, and gray from the Matoran Universe. He still didn’t know what this world was, but he liked it. After all, it certainly had much less water.“People from all over Bara Magna come to see Ackar fight,” Berix said as he connected Tahu’s cycle to his. “He’s like, a veteran warrior who almost always wins. He even fended off a Skrall in his previous battle.”“Skrall?” Tahu queried. “What are Skrall?”“A devious, horrible race of Glatorians, also known as the Rock Tribe.” Berix answered with a shiver.“What’s so bad about-““Just don’t go near them,” Berix warned as he parked his motorcycle. Tahu did the same. “Hurry up! We won’t be able to get a seat unless we go in now!” Berix said, enthusiastically. “Okay, I’m ready,” Tahu said. Man, is Berix enthusiastic, Tahu thought. --------------------------------------------They went into a large, reddish arena which was mostly filled up. Thankfully though, there were two seats in the fourth row that coincidently were open. Next to Tahu was another blue being, but this being was much taller than Berix and Tahu. On Berix’s side were two green beings, one small like Berix, the other at least as tall as the blue being.“Berix! How great to see you!” the smaller green being exclaimed.“Tarduk! Found anything interesting I could use?” Berix asked.“No, Gresh won’t let me. He’s been watching me since I found that Skrall shield-“The bigger green being sighed. “It’s too dangerous out there, Tarduk. I saw a Bone Hunter right behind you, and if I hadn’t whisked you away-““Gresh, you worry too much,” Tarduk laughed. “I’m fine.”“I was going to suggest that maybe we could scavenge together, so you don’t get hurt.” “Uncool idea, cool dude. I work alone. Except if I’m with Berix.”:(,” Gresh sadfaced.---------------------------------------------------On the other side, Tahu was looking at the arena. On one side, he saw a red and orange being, who he guessed was Ackar, slicing a head off a practice dummy, kicking another Glatorian in the shin, and eating pizza, all at the same time. Wow, Tahu thought. On another side, he saw a blue and white figure slashing five dummies’ legs off, smashing ice that was a foot long, a foot wide, and a foot deep, and shooting a bull’s-eye with a weird, xanthic spiked fruit, again at the same time. “Man, are these guys good,” Tahu said.“They sure do make you think, don’t they?” the blue being next to him asked.Tahu almost jumped out of his seat. “Whoa! You nearly scared my mask off of me! Watch it, Gali!”“Who’s Gali? My name is Kiina. And I’m sorry for scaring you…you must wish you could fight like that.” Kiina thought for a moment. “This isn’t your home, is it?”“How’d you find that out?”“You called me Gali. My name is Kiina.”“Sorry, Gali.”“My name is Kiina.” Kiina repeated.“Oh goodness. I called you Gali again, didn’t I?”“Yes, you did, and my name is Kiina. Who is Gali?”“Well, Gali, Kiina is-““I’m. Not. Gali.”“Oh, can this chapter end already?” Tahu said as the fourth seat, which was his, crumbled.“Nope,” Tahu Nuva: Toa of Silver (TN:TS) said. “You still have a few more lines, and nobody messes with the author of any comedy.”“Look what happened to The Nuva Inn.”“Well, some authors are a little careless. Now, continue on,” TN:TS said.-------------------------------------------------------“Fine,” Tahu said, standing up from the rubble of his recently destroyed chair. “Kiina, Gali was a member of my Toa Team back in the Matoran Universe,” Tahu said, spilling out every detail. “She was pushy and tough, just like you, but with a caring attitude, which is mostly likely also like you. She disappeared ten years ago when she went to find the Toa Mahri, good friends of ours,” Tahu said as tears somehow spilled out from his eyes. “She was a great Toa of Water, just like you-““Wait, what’s a Toa of Water?” Kiina queried, cutting off Tahu.“A Toa is a warrior. Wait, you’re not a Toa of Water, are you?” “I’m from the Water Tribe, in Tajun. But I don’t know any Toa around here, other than you.”“I’m sorry, Kiina,” Tahu apologized.“It’s not your fault. You aren’t from here. And yay, you said my name right! You’re already getting used to things around here,” Kiina exclaimed.“Yay,” Tahu said, blushing.Before the two could speak more, however, a small red being silenced everyone. “Excuse me,” the being said. “Welcome to the Vulcanus Arena. I am your host, Raanu. The tribe that wins today’s match will own the forest of trees near Sandray Canyon. Today’s fighters are Gelu of the Ice Tribe-““For Iconox!” Gelu shouted.“And Ackar, of our very own Fire Tribe,” Raanu announced.“For Vulcanus!” Ackar yelled. “You honor our arena with your combat,” Raanu continued. “May your swords and shields preserve the peace. And may the odds be ever in your favor,” Raanu added. “Begin.”

To Be Continued…

C+C updated! How was this chapter (the Chapter 2 part unfortunately will stay that way :( )?Over 200 views! Yay!~TN:TS~

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#23 Online MT Zehvor

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Posted Apr 22 2012 - 07:10 PM

“Nope,” Tahu Nuva: Toa of Silver (TN:TS) said. “You still have a few more lines, and nobody messes with the author of any comedy.”“Look what happened to The Nuva Inn.”

Nice reference.

“It’s not your fault. You aren’t from here. And yay, you said my name right! You’re already getting used to things around here,” Kiina exclaimed.“Yay,” Tahu said, blushing.

Yay. Friends at last. :PGood chappy.-MT

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#24 Offline Lewa97

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Posted Apr 23 2012 - 04:26 PM

“Well, Gali, Kiina is-“

Hilarious.

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ACTIVATE AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!


#25 Offline Athmos

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Posted Apr 23 2012 - 04:43 PM

Was I the only one who noticed the Hunger Games remark at the end?
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WIP


#26 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted Apr 23 2012 - 09:52 PM

Tahu almost jumped out of his seat. “Whoa! You nearly scared my mask off of me! Watch it, Gali!”

That must be a little surprising...and then to find out it's not Gali...Nice take on Bara Magna, and I'm so glad you used Berix! He's one of my favorites, if only for the "collecting" lines in the movie.

Edited by Toa Sonis, Apr 23 2012 - 09:52 PM.

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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#27 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Apr 24 2012 - 04:01 PM

“Nope,” Tahu Nuva: Toa of Silver (TN:TS) said. “You still have a few more lines, and nobody messes with the author of any comedy.”“Look what happened to The Nuva Inn.”

Nice reference.

“It’s not your fault. You aren’t from here. And yay, you said my name right! You’re already getting used to things around here,” Kiina exclaimed.“Yay,” Tahu said, blushing.

Yay. Friends at last. :PGood chappy.-MT

Yes, friends at last. But how long will it be until it becomes something else?!? (yes, Pohatu, I used ? and ! together)

"Well, Gali, Kiina is-"

Hilarious.

Nice to see a new fan! Unfortunately, the Kiina/Gali thing isn't exactly out Tahu's head yet :).

Was I the only one who noticed the Hunger Games remark at the end?

Yes, I believe you were. Good eye.

Tahu almost jumped out of his seat. “Whoa! You nearly scared my mask off of me! Watch it, Gali!”

That must be a little surprising...and then to find out it's not Gali...Nice take on Bara Magna, and I'm so glad you used Berix! He's one of my favorites, if only for the "collecting" lines in the movie.

Well, yeah. Again, as I said, Tahu's still going to mess up :).And yea, Berix is cool. I probably would have gotten him, then Raanu, then Zesk or Tarduk. I got no Agori, and I regret it :(. Chapter 3 should be up by tonight or Wednesday!~TN:TS~

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#28 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted May 11 2012 - 04:22 PM

Well, this is the latest I've been (and I don't want to count either), so I'm sorry, MT :(. But, well, better late than never.

Presenting my 100th post and Chapter 2.3:

The Adventures of Tahu

Season 2: Consequence

Chapter 3: Betrayal

Axonn stood at the edge of a cliff. Beyond him was, as the ice Agori had told him, the city of Vulcanus.“That’ll be, um, quite a lot of money, axe dude,” the ice Agori said, waiting impatiently in his Thornatus.“Excuse me, snow cone? I do not pay. I get for free, or else. And it’s Axonn, not axe dude, Frosty,” Axonn said threateningly.“Well, my name is Metus, and you’ve been calling me snow cone, Frosty, and even cool dude. And I know you mean cool in cool dude as cold. You’re paying me, Axxie.”“And only I call myself Axxie,” Axonn said as he picked the Agori up and slammed him into the sand. “Adios, old coldy.” Axonn hopped onto the Thornatus, speeding off the cliff. It landed with a thud, and still in one piece, started speeding towards the arena.“And Ackar, of our very own Fire Tribe,” an Agori announced in the arena.“Oh, fire flower, you are so dead,” Axonn muttered as he limped into the entrance of Arena Vulcanus, the Thornatus stuck in a wall (yet again, the fourth).-------------------------------------------------------------------------“Isn’t this so fun, Tahu?” Kiina queried excitedly, taking a short break from cheering on Ackar. “Yes, it is, Gali,” Tahu said. His mind had been focused on something else, other than the battle. He did want Ackar, but not to the point where he got a headache. “It. Is. Kiina,” Kiina corrected. “Oh man, that has got to hurt. You can still do it, Ackar. Let’s go Ackar!” Why is the Water Tribe so enthusiastic? Gali was not like this, Tahu thought. I miss home. I miss the Toa Nuva. I miss me being a Toa. “What have I done?” Tahu muttered. “What? Oh—that,” Kiina remembered. “Tahu—this is your destiny. I know it: you were meant to be here. Why you think you’re here: to adventure. Why you are here: Unity. Duty. Destiny.” Tahu’s eyes widened. “How do you-“ “We still know the Great Beings, don’t we? There are labs and even old fortresses they were in that are still around.” Kiina put her arm around Tahu. “Don’t worry. You will help us. I can feel it.”------------------------------------------------------------------- Ackar opened his eyes to a nice, red ground. Doing a backflip, he kicked Gelu in the chest and glanced towards the entrance. It should have been clear. But there, right in the center of it, stood Axonn. He should have continued fighting. He should have gone on and pummeled Gelu. But he couldn’t. “Hey, Volcano!” Axonn yelled over the crowd. Immediately, everyone stopped cheering and looked towards Axonn. “Charge-” Gelu yelled, running towards Ackar. But Ackar stopped him. “Hey, dude, what’s up?” “Him,” Ackar said, pointing at Axonn. Immediately, the battered being jumped into the arena with a smack. “Oh, come on,” Tahu said from the fourth row. Unfortunately, since everyone had stopped talking (and undoubtedly started to look at the new visitor), he could be heard clearly. “Oh, so it’s the fugitive,” Axonn said, looking at Tahu. “Hmmm…so hard…who do I kill first, fireball?” Axonn asked. Ackar, in a different life or death situation, would have chosen Tahu to die. Ackar thought, A fugitive? Is he dangerous? Then why would Axxie want him? The dude isn’t evil. Axxie is. “Me,” Ackar said. “I will die, Axxie.” “What?” Kiina said, surprised at the answer. “No, Ackar!” “Yes, fire flower. And my name is Axonn, your new and supreme leader of this bare magnet,” Axonn said. “Um. It’s Bara Magna, cool dude,” Berix yelled. “Oh, a perfectionist. I never liked those, so you’re next,” Axonn said, walking towards Ackar. Tahu was losing it. First, an innocent Glatorian who was probably annoyed by the titan, and probably hurt Axonn (and Tahu could not blame Ackar). Next, Berix for correcting Axonn, and Tahu could not blame Berix either (bare magnet was not even close to Bara Magna). “No! You shall not harm Berix!!!” Kiina screamed. “And you’re third,” Axonn said. Tahu lost it. Kiina will not die, Tahu thought. In fact, I can’t believe that Axonn won’t even kill me. Axonn will go out of his way to kill the citizens of Bara Magna, but not even listen to Helryx? That is just sad.Tahu jumped out of his rubbly seat and dove into Axonn. And out of all the numbers to be, Tahu thought. I am fourth to go against Axonn. How ironic. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ “I…will…not…give…up!” Kopaka yelled. “No matter what you do to me, I won’t surrender!”So far, the battle had not gone well for Kopaka or Helryx. Helryx had been slammed through the fourth door, but Kopaka had fallen headfirst onto a pizza pie. The fourth doorway, however, lead to some control room in which he could see every part of the Matoran Universe. Kopaka also could see what Order members were doing, thanks to the comlinks they carried. Makuta was gathering materials on Mata-Nui (which was deserted except for Ahkmou), Guardian fighting Nuhrii (which was not going too well), and Axonn in a red Coliseum-like area, it seemed to Kopaka, looking at…”Oh my,” Kopaka said. “That’s Tahu. But where is he?”“A world,” Helryx said, walking towards Kopaka. “That you won’t live to find.”“Don’t be so sure,” Kopaka said. Looking again at the image, he heard someone shout from the crowd, “Um. It’s Bara Magna, cool dude.” “So that’s where he is,” Kopaka murmured. “What is bare magnet-I mean, Bara Magna anyway?”“Definitely not where you’re going,” Helryx muttered as she pushed Kopaka through the fourth control panel, where he also fell through the fourth wall of that room…into a room with many stasis tubes.Kopaka stood up right away. For the first time in twenty years, he saw the little Matoran that he first met in Ko-Wahi, now transformed into the water-breathing, full-fledged warrior, Toa Mahri Matoro. The other Toa were this too, including his long-lost teammate. Gali was frozen, just like the other Toa, but in a different pose. All the other Toa were not fighting, but Gali was. In fact, Kopaka could almost imagine a crack in the glass. He took a picture with his mask and sent it to the other Nuva. Helryx was a goner.He started to bring the temperature down in the room. At first, it was just colder. But soon, water started to freeze up. The gas in the stasis tubes froze. Even Helryx’s water supply was freezing, and that is why she barged in. She was scared.The glass began cracking more, soon breaking apart. All seven Toa fell limp onto the floor, breathing but tired.“You cool dude!” Helryx said as water surrounded her.“I know, right?” Kopaka responded, sending a blast of cold into Helryx. She instantly froze.

To Be Continued…

Was it worth the wait? Post your (positive) C&C!~TNTS~

Edited by Tahu Nuva: Toa of Silver, May 11 2012 - 04:27 PM.

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#29 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted May 11 2012 - 06:17 PM

Interesting...not quite as comedic as the preceeding chapter but still funny. A little confusing at the end with the stasis room; I assume Helryx somehow got hold of the Nui Stone?EDIT: I almost forgot, I really like that Tahu is the fourth person to go against (and/or be killed by) Axonn...

Edited by Toa Sonis, May 15 2012 - 09:26 PM.

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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#30 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted May 22 2012 - 07:02 PM

The end: Nope...she just found the power in her anger (think of Star Wars: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to...).The fourth joke: Well, it's just sheer coincidence that he's the fourth person, right ;)?The chapter: Yea, I don't think it was too good eiher. Hopefully this one is better!The Adventures of TahuSeason 2: Consequence Chapter 4: TransformationIn Arena Vulcanus… “Argh,” Axonn said, pinned to the ground by two magma swords. “Just wait until I tell Helryx about this, fugitive.”“Not before I tell Helryx about you,” Tahu said, throwing Axonn’s axe into the lava. “She honestly wouldn’t have wanted you to kill others before me.”“She wouldn’t have wanted you to somehow pin me to the ground, throw my axe into lava, or humiliate me in front of an entire arena either. How would you feel if something like that happened to you?”“You sound like someone who’s against bullying,” Ackar groaned. “And that’s just sad, considering that you are one.” “Touché,” Axonn agreed. “But whatever the case, you’re dead.” He stood up, grasping Tahu’s swords in his hands. “Adios, Tofu.”“You will not harm Tahu!” three beings shouted together. One was Kiina, who leaped down from the fourth row and thrust her vapor trident straight into Axonn’s arm, making him drop the swords and fall to the ground. Ackar had shouted too, punching Axonn in the mask and holding him down. The other being seemed to be speaking directly from Axonn’s comlink. “You will not touch him as long as you live!” Kiina shouted as Axonn struggled to get back up. “He’s my—uh—brother!”“Ummm…same here?” Ackar awkwardly agreed.“Tahu, you have a girlfriend?” Kopaka yelled from the comlink, his face covering up the entire screen. “Cool!”“Kopaka? You’re alive, thank the Great Beings! Wait a minute, what did you say?” Tahu queried in shock.“Um—dude,” Gelu said from behind him. “Don’t assume things.”“I’m not taking advice from anyone with snowflakes on their back,” Kopaka responded. “Your head can’t even pivot,” Gelu retorted.“Hey, I’m old. Can I help it?"“Yeah, you probably could.”“Guys, are you helping me? No. Kopaka, what’s going on over there? Are you in the fortress?” Tahu asked.“Yep, and I froze Helryx. Also…Tahu…” Kopaka said, pausing for emphasis. ”I found them.”“The Mahri? And Kiina too? Is she alive?”“I’m right here, Tahu,” Kiina said, again correcting him: ”You mean Gali.”“She’s alive, muttering one word over and over again.”“Let me guess,” Axonn said, taking a break from his struggle. “It’s Tahu, isn’t it?”“Yep,” Kopaka said, smirking. “Looks like we have a love triangle now.”“Ohhhhhhhhh boy.”On Ta-Wahi’s Beach…“Are we done yet?” Makuta asked.“Almost,” Ahkmou said. “We just need to power it up.”“Hey COOTIE!” Axonn yelled from Makuta’s comlink. “How’s it going?”“Great,” Makuta said, looking at the screen. He could see a whole arena of beings, but his main focus was on Tahu. That cool dude, Makuta thought. Instead of us catching him, he got away. But not for long…hee hee hee. “Fire it up,” Makuta said to Ahkmou.Overall, Ahkmou was very pleased with the transporter, nicknamed Black Hole. It was made of several Bohrok shells, parts of the Ussanii, and your everyday materials, powered by Energized Protodermis. It looked evil, and Ahkmou couldn’t wait to jump in…until he couldn’t.Makuta had leapt through, sending a bolt of shadow behind him that exploded, completely destroying the Black Hole and splattering Energized Protodermis all over the frazzled Matoran. Just before his eyes filled up completely with light, he swore to kill Teridax. In the Daxia Fortress… Tahu. Tahu. Tahu. Tahu. Tahu. Tahu. Tahu, oh Tahu, you are so dead, Gali thought. She stood up, nervously moving her joints for the first time. “Oh Tahu…” she mumbled. “Where are you? Who rescued me? And what is this picture in my head…oh; it’s me and the Mahri in stasis tubes. Bad times, bad times.”“Gali! You’re okay! How are—umph!” Kopaka said, greeting his old friend. However, Gali had punched him in the gut before he could finish.“Wait a minute…do Toa even have guts?” Gali queried.“GALI! IT DOESN’T MATTER! JUST GO BACK TO THE SCRIPT!” TN:TS shouted.“Fine…”Gali said, trailing off. “And take a chill pill.”“:facepalm:” TN:TS emoticonned.“That isn’t a real-““NO ONE ASKED YOU, LEWA!” the two shouted.“Anyway,” TN:TS said in his usual directing voice. “Continue.”“Owwww,” Kopaka said, apparently having ignored the previous conversation. “What was that for?”“Do you know how it feels to be in a stasis tube for ten years?” Gali asked.“Do you know what it feels like to see your mentor die?” Kopaka retorted. “So what? I tried to save the Mahri, and I failed.” Kopaka immediately facepalmed. “Okay, you win.”“As I always do,” Gali said proudly. “Now, help me wake these guys up.” Gali ordered, thinking it was easy. But she was awfully wrong.On Ta-Wahi’s Beach…“I AM TAKANUVA, TOA OF LIGHT!” the Toa exclaimed as he touched the warm sands of Ta-Wahi’s beach. A wave of light cut through the beach, blinding Ahkmou as he screamed in pain.“I AM THE SHADOWED ONE, LEADER OF THE DARK HUNTERS! SO TAKE THAT, YOU…UM…COOL DUDE!” TSO screamed as he too appeared on the beach. “Augh…help me!” Ahkmou shrieked. “My body is burning! It feels…good?”Takanuva froze in horror at the sight of the Matoran. He was growing taller at first. Then…he changed. His mask shone, turning into a shiny black. He grew shiny, black armor, which multiplied across his body. He was turning into a new, powerful being, an evil, strong, dangerous one. “What the Karzahni is happen—”“All hail the new and powerful Black Hole,” the ex-Matoran said in a deep voice. He let out a wave of shadow, knocking Takanuva far away in the jungle. “I pledge my service to you,” Black Hole said to TSO. “But only if I can be second-in-command of your hunters.”In a normal situation, TSO would have killed the being. But there are no normal situations when your height reaches the being’s leg. “TAKE IT!” TSO yelled, sobbing as headed off to Daxia, running at top speed.Black Hole chuckled. This will be so easy, he thought. Makuta is the size of my knee, and Tahu the size of his staff. All right then, the Dark Hunter thought. “TO BARA MAGNA!” Black Hole screamed, disappearing in a column of shadow. Moments later, he arrived on the roof of Arena Magna, which crumbled under his weight and killed an entire legion of Skrall underneath. Well, their loss, BH said as he ran towards Vulcanus.All the way back on Mata Nui, Takanuva had changed too. His armor had blackened, but he was taller, and not completely shadow. “I am Takanuva…Toa of Light? No, shadow. No…Toa of Twilight…eh, whatever.” he mused. He left soon after, heading for Voya Nui.To Be Continued…
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THE ASHES - Chapter 2 and some clarification is up!

 

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#31 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted May 25 2012 - 08:22 AM

No replies? Pity...This may be the best chappy I've written...here goes:The Adventures of TahuSeason 2: ConsequenceChapter 5: There Will Be a Chapter 6On Voya Nui…Turaga Jovan stood up, supporting his legs with his staff as he walked out of his hut into the open air of the Matoran Cliff Village. He had not wanted to live in a palace; he was just a Turaga, he believed, and nothing more.Over one thousand years ago, he remembered, Mata Nui had fallen into a deep sleep, and the Great Cataclysm had occurred, sending Voya Nui up and away from the robot’s chest. He would have been as good as dead if the red-and-silver being hadn’t saved him, but it came as a cost for that being. He slowly became insane, and by the time the Toa Nuva had left Voya Nui to prepare for Mata-Nui’s awakening, he, Makuta, and Helryx had unleashed a devious plan to capture the Mahri.Jovan stopped flashbacking. That was the worst of times, or at least I thought of it that way. I suppose these are the times that try Toa’s souls, then. But it is still horrible what they did. “Well, that’s enough for now,” Jovan muttered as he headed towards Kazi’s hut, as the Matoran was always a late sleeper. The others were up already, and waved to the Turaga from far away, disappearing into the shadows of the forest. “Save the story for another chapter, I suppose,” Jovan continued, breaking the fourth limb in his body. Unfortunately, he had no fourth limb, so he fell through the fourth wall of the fourth hut, which was none other than Kazi’s hut. Somewhere else, the narrator that TN:TS had hired to tell you this comedy took a deep breath. “Ugh, that was an ever-lot of narrating. Thank Mata-Nui the action is quick-coming now—“ he said, spoiling the next few events of the chapter. He was cut off by TN:TS, who punched him in his Mask of Narration and ordered the story to continue, with or without the dazed narrator.“Darth-Lord-Ruler-Master-Turaga-Jovan,” Kazi said, looking at the rubbly mess on the ground. He was wide awake (and had unusually been that way for two hours). “Are you—““Kazi,” Jovan said, his voice muffled. “Please don’t call me ‘Darth’, ‘Lord’, ‘Ruler’, or ‘Master’. Just ‘Turaga Jovan’ will do. Now, can you please help me out?”“Sure, Turaga—““Don’t worry, I got you,” a white and black titan said, peering in through the hole in the wall. It took him mere moments to pick Jovan out of the rubble and put him on the ground, where Kazi stood in awe.“Who are—““Ahh, yes. You’ve changed, yes, but you are still the great Takanuva, Toa of Light, aren’t you?” Jovan mused. “Yes—somewhat—yes. It’s a long story,” Takanuva said, not wanting to create another boring flashback. Instead he told him to “Read Chapter 2.4,” at which point the fourth chapter appeared on a Microsoft Office 2010 program on Kazi’s desktop (which, for a coincidental reason, had a number 4 as the background). While Kazi and Jovan went to read the chapter, the story shifted to the dark caves of Roxtus.In Roxtus…Tuma scowled. “This is impossible,” he said to Stronius, who had brought the horrible news of Arena Magna’s collapse. Well, he didn’t really care about that, only the five hundred Skrall inside. “They all perished?”“Every single one of them,” Stronius said, hanging his head down in despair.Tuma facepalmed while a string of thoughts raced through his mind. I was going to destroy that arena soon, he thought. He had put it off for years, but this year he would do it. Except now, that had happened, only with the consequence of a fifth of his warriors inside. He could never recover from that. “Who’s responsible?” Tuma said, raising his voice.“Some giant,” Stronius answered. “Heading to Arena Vulcanus.”“Take your best Skrall there in Thornatus. Lead with Skopio. We must impose a threat, even if it is the last thing we do. Dismissed!” Tuma shouted, retreating to his chambers. He took a nice, long nap, dreaming about what would’ve happened if he had invaded Arena Magna back in 2009. Outside Arena Vulcanus…“LOVE TRIANGLE? WHAT IS THIS???” Kiina screamed as she took Tahu outside the arena, telling everyone she’d be back in a minute.“Kiina and Tahu, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S—“ Gresh teased, coming outside the door. With quick reflexes, Kiina punched him back into the arena.“Good punch, Gali—I mean Kiina, I MEAN KIINA!” Tahu said, correcting himself as Kiina readied a punch.“What, you scared?” Gali—Kiina queried. Soon after, the narrator was punched again for messing up as the fourth garbage can exploded.In NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD…“Please don’t bad-hurt me! I can make mini-mistakes, can’t I?” the narrator said after suffering another dreadful punch from TN:TS. “No. I’m sorry, Narrator, but we’re replacing you for the rest of the chapter…with Turaga Onewa!” TN:TS exclaimed.“What am I here for again?” Onewa said, half-asleep.“Just read the script under ‘Narrator’,” TN:TS ordered, handing Onewa a cookie and an iced frappe. “Anyway,” TN:TS said in his usual directing voice (and not for the last time). “Continue.”“Yes sir,” the Transition Guy said as he transitioned the story back to Arena Vulcanus…or somewhere near there.Outside Arena Vulcanus…or somewhere near there…“You never told me Gali was your—um—girlfriend!” Kiina continued. “And now they think we’re—a thing!”“Well, um…yeah,” Tahu said, trying not to make things obvious. “Hey, what’s that sound?” “I…AM…COMING…TAHU…” a strange being muttered from Somewhere Near There.Axonn ran out of the arena, looking in fear at the titan. He was much smaller than before, but BH still meant business. Especially after killing five hundred Skrall. “RUN!” Axonn yelled, running away from the arena. The rest of the arena followed suit (to injure the titan) except for a few.“Berix—why are you staying behind?” Tahu queried.“I’ve been a thief all my life, but I won’t let this cool dude take away everyone’s lives. Redemption,” Berix said, hopping into his Thornatus. Tahu and Kiina followed suit, speeding off to find the ex-Matoran.In Daxia Fortress…“Okay, Kopaka. You win. This is much worse than I thought it would be,” Gali sighed, handing him ten widgets.“Yeah buddy. Kopaka: 1, Gali: 269,” Kopaka said happily, tabulating his wins. Compared to Gali, he was happy he had one.To Be Continued…
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THE ASHES - Chapter 2 and some clarification is up!

 

THE ANNIVERSARY EDITION OF TAHU - Chapter 4 is up!


#32 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted May 25 2012 - 02:56 PM

Sorry about the reply! Our hot water heater broke for a couple days and...yeah. Suffice to say, I haven't been on BZP a lot lately.I agree; this is definately your best chapter so far! The blending of several different story locations and their comparitive comedy is...flawless. I laughed almost all the way through!
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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#33 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted May 26 2012 - 09:49 PM

You're forgiven :). Actually, it wasn't just you. MT, thebeggerpie, ibrow, Lewa97, or MTL haven't posted much these days (although ibrow is on vacation, so I can't blame him). I'll put the nex chappy up in a few days (and if someone else posts).~TN:TS~P.S. Oh, and thank you! iKnew this chappy would be great...this pummels all the others, doesn't it?
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THE ASHES - Chapter 2 and some clarification is up!

 

THE ANNIVERSARY EDITION OF TAHU - Chapter 4 is up!


#34 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted May 26 2012 - 09:57 PM

I eagerly await the next chapter, especially since this is the only regularly active comedy I'm reading right now, with ibrow on vacation.Heh heh heh...nice puns. ;)

Edited by Toa Sonis, May 26 2012 - 09:58 PM.

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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#35 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Jun 13 2012 - 08:05 PM

Well...nobody posted. I waited. And waited. But only Toa Sonis posted.I finally did decide to put up the nex chappy, but only recently (I got really impatient).So now I present (to those who are reading this) the long-awaited, and long itself, Chapter 2.6!!!The Adventures of TahuSeason 2: ConsequenceChapter 6: There Might Be a Chapter 7 (if somebody posts)In Daxia Fortress… Helryx had tried her best, but nothing had worked to get her out of the block of ice. She had tried to melt it, explode it, and break the fourth wall, but she was stuck in there. Thank goodness she had created a backup plan twenty years ago, that for some reason, she only remembered now. “After Makuta, Axonn, and Helryx had captured the Toa Mahri, they struggled to get into their stasis tubes, and Helryx got very annoyed. So, she had had Makuta send shadow into them, and within minutes they were in the stasis tubes, fast asleep. When they got out, they would rampage and destroy Gali and her rescuer. So, she woke them telepathically.” This is going to be good, Helryx thought as the Mahri attacked the two Nuva. In Onu-Metru… “Just a few more steps,” Turaga Whenua said, directing Pohatu and Onua to a large room. “There you go. You can set it down now.”Pohatu and Onua set down the object, a large grand piano,” Narrator said. “Immediately, Onepu sat down on its bench and started to play ‘Creeping in my Soul’.” “He’s good, isn’t he?” Pohatu said, amazed by the performance. “Ehh…he’s a showoff.” Onua whispered, disagreeing with Pohatu. He had heard Onepu play countless times, and it was getting annoying. Sometimes, he played with Macku singing it, and that was extremely annoying to him. Onepu finished the song. Everyone except Onua clapped excessively and cheerily. “Thank you, thank you. It’s a pleasure to entertain you,” Onepu said, staring at the clapless Onua. “Oh…sorry I’m late,” Macku apologized as she ran into the large room. “What did I miss?” Onepu was fuming. “You missed the entire day! In the morning, you were gone—“ “Wait a minute…you know when morning is? Good job!” “As the two continued to quarrel, the Nuva were sitting with Whenua and Onewa, having Onewa’s favorite snack: cookies.” “And the guy just tells me to read where it said ‘Narrator’. No kidding.” Onewa said, taking his 269th cookie from the tray. “Guess what? I don’t even get paid for it! What’s the deal with that?” “Wait, where did you appear? And how?” Whenua queried. “Oh, this guy. He looked like you, Onua, except he was completely silver. He took me to NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD—hey, why was that name cut off?” “Because of me,” a strange being that looked just like Gali Nuva (except completely silver) said. “Pardon me,” Pohatu said. “But who on Metru-Nui are you?” “I am the Censoring Sister,” the being said. “That name shall not be known to anyone except, well, CENSORED.” “Why was that censored?” Onua asked, anxious to learn more. “And are you related, by any chance, to that Narrator or Transition Guy?” Onewa asked curiously. “It is something you shall not know about, Onua,” CS said. “And Onewa, yes. Along with others, we form the CENSORED that help NAME WITHHELD direct this CENSORED.” “Good to know,” the four said together. “Thanks a lot.” “You’re welcome,” CS said, going through a portal made by the Transition Guy. “So long.” “I hope you get stabbed by a Rahi, you CENSORED,” Onewa said. “Oh, whatever. It’s no use trying to say anything over that being. We should take her down one day. How about that, Pohatu and Onua?” But they were focused on something else: a message from Kopaka. “I finally found them—the Mahri and Gali,” Pohatu read from the message, which was on his comlink. “Well, let’s go,” Pohatu said, starting to leave the room. “Wait a minute,” Onua said, looking at the picture. “You don’t find it odd that only Gali is fighting the stasis tube and the Mahri aren’t?” “Oh, pish-posh. Let’s just go,” Pohatu answered, grabbing Onua’s arm. Together they sped out of the room and reached Daxia Fortress in less than a minute. In Daxia Fortress… “Okay, you were right. That was odd,” Pohatu said, the two inside the fortress seeing the broken stasis tubes and the battle going on. He gave Onua ten widgets. “Yes!” Onua exclaimed. “Onua: 269,Pohatu: 1. I am so getting to 1000 first.” “Ugh.” “On a more serious term,” Kopaka said, battling Matoro, “A little help here?” “Not on your life,” Helryx said from the ice cube, which was slowly melting. “Oh, why do we have to be involved in this?” Onua queried. “Because we are on the same Toa Team,” Pohatu answered. “And we stick together.” “According to the storyline,” Gali added as the fourth computer exploded, sending debris and heat into the ice cube, freeing the cold and angry leader. “Oh boy,” Onua murmured as he ran into the prison room, Helryx in hot pursuit. “The battle raged on, and it took quick-small moments to realize—“ In NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD… “Oh, come on!” TN:TS shouted, walking over to Narrator. “You can’t hide your chute-speak for one—“ “Master, it’s tree-speak,” Narrator reminded TN:TS. “I. DON’T. CARE!!!” TN:TS yelled. “Whatever the name, you can’t hide your—um, accent, for one chapter?!?” “Oh, by the way—“ “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN DAXIA FORTRESS!!!” TN:TS screamed, transporting Pohatu back to the specified place. “PUT THIS NARRATOR IN JAIL!!!” he ordered the Po-Police. “Yes, master,” they said in what sounded like a single voice. There were ten of them here, and were silver versions of Pohatu Nuva. Grabbing the helpless narrator, they went out of the room. “Now…breathe, Tahu, breathe. Think of Censoring Sister…ah, yes…so much better now. Vakama—you know what to do.“ “Oh, yes I do,” Vakama said, grinning. “I’ve had a lot of practice before.” “Oh, we know. Anyway, continue.” “Yes, master,” Transition Guy said as he transitioned the story to Voya Nui. On Voya Nui… “This is—“ “Unbelievable?” Takanuva interrupted. “Yes, it is indeed. What’s even worse is that now I’m stuck with this shadow in my body.” “Ah, yes, the dreaded shadow. How in the Matoran Universe did that get into your body?” Jovan queried.Oh, a crazy, rampaging Matoran who christened himself with a new name. Makuta’s like, what, the size of his knee?” “Oddly—“ “Specific? Yes,” Jovan interrupted. “He copied it from Chapter 2.4. Regardless, there’s only one way to get this out of you.” “And what way is that?” Takanuva queried.To Be— “TRANSITION GUY!” TN:TS screamed. “WHY ON BARA MAGNA ARE YOU ENDING THE CHAPTER?!?” “I was trying to, you know, do one of those cutoffs. It’s in the script,” TG said, pointing to the chapter. “YES, IT SAYS TRANSITION, AND THEN SOME MORE SCRIPT UNDER IT.” “Oh, sorry about that.” Inside Arena Vulcanus… “You,” Ackar said, face to face with Stronius. Of course though, he had to bend down a bit. “What are you doing here?” Stronius grunted. “Lemme deal wit dis, er else.” “Okay, I’m sorry to say this, but that was really badly said,” Gresh said. “Try again.” “Yer tellin’ me to say it dee right way?” Stronius queried, moving closer to Gresh. “Oh, yer deservin’ a nice club in dee ‘ead,” Stronius said, swinging his club into Gresh’s head. “Ohhhhh,” Gresh moaned, swaying from the rock-hard hit. He fell over, and did not get back up. “Ummmm, Stronius,” a Skrall said. “I don’t think you were supposed to kill anyone.” “Ummmm,” Stronius said, mocking the Skrall. “Ah do whateva ah wanna do. Ah supposed tah oppose a tret, rye?” “You mean impose,” the smart-aleck Skrall said. “Yer not dee boss o’ me, Smarty!” Stronius screamed at the Skrall, swinging his club at his head. It came clean off, but the headless Skrall still moved. “The head rolled back towards the body, which picked it up and put it back on its neck. Stronius was at a loss for words.” OUTSIDE Arena Vulcanus… “At last. I’ve finally made it,” Makuta said. “Makuta had been transported to the Black Spike Mountains, which were very bad for him at first, as Skrall chained him to a wall. Then Tuma had met him—“ FLASHBACK… “Enter,” Tuma said. “Skrall brought the disheveled Makuta in. He was very tired, and did not have any of his tools, as they had been confiscated after imprisonment,” Vakama said, pausing for a breath. “However, Tuma was very interested in this being, which is the reason he was in the throne room instead of in his chambers, dreaming about a black and yellow being that overthrew him in his dream.” “Please state your name and occupation for the record.” “Makuta Teridax, vice dictator of the Orderly Empire and leader of the Brotherhood of Makuta,” Makuta said. “Brotherhood of Makuta…” Tuma said, trailing off in thought. “Sounds evil. Anyway, how did you get here?” “Oh.” Makuta had not wanted to say too much. He would have to stretch the truth a bit. “My brotherhood was working on a machine to conquer other worlds. I didn’t think that this world was out of bounds though.” “It’s not…those other pitiful tribes have fought long and hard. But with you and I, I’m sure we can conquer them,” Tuma suggested. “Um…sure.” “All I need you to do at the moment is kill that giant that killed my five hundred Skrall.” “A giant? Oh, I’m sorry. Where will I find him?” Makuta queried. “Somewhere near Arena Vulcanus…so use a Thornatus. You’re dismissed.” END of FLASHBACK “So, after being taught how to use a Thornatus, he sped off to find Vulcanus in mass chaos, with a huge battle: The insanely huge and transformed Ahkmou vs. some other beings. And Tahu.” “Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” Kiina said upon sight of the vice dictator. “As if we need more evil here.” “No, I’m not kidding,” Makuta said, slamming his staff (which was returned to him) on the sand. “And besides, there’s never enough evil in the world.” “Liar,” Tahu said, not realizing who he was talking to. He looked up. “Oh, not you. Why you?” “Well, Helryx wouldn’t leave, would she?” “SHE’S ALIVE?” “I honestly have no idea. But whether she is or not, I’m killing you.” “Ugh,” Tahu said, facepalming. “I am so screwed.” To Be Continued… C+C updated! How was it?~TN:TS~ EDIT 2: C+C moved.

Edited by Tahu Nuva: Toa of Silver, Jul 18 2012 - 06:37 PM.

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#36 Offline Onarax

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Posted Jul 07 2012 - 01:35 AM

Here's your ordered review from the CCC.Spelling and Grammar:Chapter 2.5:

He would have been as good as dead if the red-and-silver being hadn’t saved him, but it came at a cost for that being.

'At', not 'as'.

“Saves the story for another chapter, I suppose,”

Needs an 's'.

to tell you this comedy took a deep breath.

This phrase seems a bit awkward. Maybe a different phrase could be used.Chapter 2.6:

“Pohatu and Onua set down the object, a large grand piano,” the Narrator said.

Needs a 'the'.Other than some mistakes, your story is pretty much free of any major errors. If there are any, they don't really detract much from the story anyway. It flows pretty simply, and it is easy to understand your language. I suppose I would rate your story an 8/10.Humour:The humour in your story is rather enjoyable, but as shown in the parts when you include yourself and your minions, it just feels somewhat out of place and random. In order to maximise efficiency, you may need to place these scenes in areas where they fit better, other than in different areas. Too much random humour detracts from the story, so it is better to keep it to a minimum.I find that the small jokes you insert throughout the story are good representations of the interactions between the characters themselves. This is more entertaining to me than situational comedy, for I like reading banter between people. However, the jokes may need a bit more work, seeing that they are somewhat forced, but they do enhance the story itself, which is good.If I were to rate it, it'd be about 7/10.Plot:From what I've read, your story is more plot-orientated than most other comedies, which I rather like. I look for a good plot in a comedy, instead of just enjoyable humour. Your plot is pretty original as well, being set in an alternate universe where everything has gone wrong, a setting which I haven't seen many times.However, there are some minor issues I have with your plot, one of which is how did this universe come about? You have not explained as of yet where the point of divergence with the main universe is, or if it is a completely different universe which is merely similar, other than Jovan's thoughts on how Axonn became crazy as a result of saving his life. This irks me somewhat, but if you plan on explaining it in a later chapter, I am fine with that.But in the end, your comedy has a rather fun plot, and I enjoy Tahu's fun romp through the universe.I'd rate your plot about 76/100.Overall: In conclusion, your story is pretty enjoyable, with decent spelling and grammar, some okay jokes and a rather original and fun plot to play with. It has a lot of potential, and I plan on seeing how far you can go with this.(80 + 70 + 76) / 3 = 75.3 ...%

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#37 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Jul 14 2012 - 02:14 PM

Fair enough :).On the grammar: I completely agree with everything except for the fact that Narrator is an actual person in my comedy.On the humour: the parts between TN:TS and his minions (I like that word) are supposed to be random. I suppose I could make it less forced.On the plot: I splurged some of the past before in chapters that you did not review. I also have created a new comedy, The Adventures of Tahu: How it All Began as a prequel to this comedy. Plus, my LSO entry, Ackar and the Hot Hand, is canon.But in short, I am happy with my review and grade. Thanks for reviewing TAoT, It's A Gundam!.To all the others: Please read the comedies above and reply to them! Sorry it's been so long, but a new chappy should be up within the nex week.EDIT: And...The Adventures of Tahu: Characters and ColorsThis list will provide you with characters that have appeared in TAoT (in order of appearance/speech) and their respective font colors. Characters that have a line through their names are dead. ? marks, however, mean that the character may not be dead, but won’t reappear in the comedy for a long time.Prologue: Tahu Helryx Chapter 1.2:NujuKopakaChapter 1.4:AxonnThe Shadowed One (TSO)Makuta (Teridax)OnewaChapter 1.F:TakanuvaOnepuTamaruKopekeNuhriiLewaChapter 2.1: AckarBerix AhkmouChapter 2.2:TardukGreshKiinaTahu Nuva: Toa of Silver (TN:TS)RaanuGeluChapter 2.3: MetusChapter 2.4:GaliBlack Hole (BH)Chapter 2.5:JovanNarratorKaziTumaStroniusTransition Guy (TG)Chapter 2.6:WhenuaPohatu OnuaMackuCensoring Sister (CS)Po-Police (group)VakamaSmartius Chapter 2.7:Po-Police ChiefMatoroIgnikaVastusBuild-A-Buzz (BAB)?Von NebulaFurnoBreezChapter 2.8:StormerBulkStringerRockaBlazeChapter 2.9:BowserArtakhaChapter 2.F:MalumMata NuiChapter 3.1:Skrawr BrutakaChapter 3.3:SurgeSahmadTarixStrakkSnakeInterview 1:Extra Guy (Ex)Chapter 3.4:IcaraxAntroz Chapter 3.5:Lhikan

Edited by Meta Nuva, Sep 24 2012 - 06:38 PM.

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#38 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Jul 19 2012 - 07:45 AM

To those who are following this comedy, enjoy!The Adventures of TahuSeason 2: ConsequenceChapter 7: This Comedy Depends on YOU!Outside Arena Vulcanus… “NO!” Kiina screamed, slamming Makuta in the face with her trident. “You will not kill Tahu!”Makuta was not affected by the hit. He only stepped closer and laughed. “Oh yes, I will. I could squash him.” “I could squash you, Makuta,” BH said, towering above them. He had shrunk a bit, but was easily 1 million feet tall. “You abandoned me. You destroyed the Black Hole and used me as a pawn. But now I am the king, and you are smaller than a pawn. And now I will squash you, you insignificant flea!” “Really? Try to squash this!” Makuta said, sending out a bolt of shadow three times the size of Axonn. BH absorbed it. Nothing happened. “Ahkmou! That was enough shadow to kill twenty men!” Makuta said, backing away from the giant. “How could you possibly—“ “That was so cliché,” BH said, stepping towards Makuta and narrowly missing Tahu and Kiina. “And I am no longer that cool dude-like Matoran. I am Black Hole.”Tahu glanced at Makuta. “Who’s screwed now?”“Apparently,” Berix said, looking towards the Thornatus, “We all are.”In the Courtroom of NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD “Oh, please don’t send me back to that ever-horrible jail,” Narrator pleaded, looking at TN:TS. “What did I ever-do wrong?”“Narrators are supposed to have clear, crisp, and perfect voices,” TN:TS said, looking at Narrators for Dummies. “Your tree-speak, or whatever it may be, is getting through into your speech. Narrators cannot have anymind slips. So far, Onewa and Vakama have done spectacular.”“They don’t have any accents! Nobody’s perfect!”“You’re wrong, Narrator. Everyone in NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD is perfect. And as long as I’m in charge, I will make sure of that.”“Do we take him away?” the Po-Police Chief queried. “One chapter in jail!” TN:TS ordered. The Po-Police took the Narrator away as TG brought Vakama back and transitioned the story to Daxia Fortress.In Daxia Fortress… “It took small moments for the Nuva to realize that they were desperately outnumbered. Even after Lewa arrived, there was a 5 to 7 battle raging on through Daxia Fortress.” “Oh, this is killing me,” Kopaka said, pinned down by Matoro. “That’s our intention,” Matoro said, clawing the hopeless Nuva to the ground and getting ready to slice his head off. He was pushed through a wall, though, by Gali.Gali inspected the hole. It had become strangely rectangular and was completely black, whereas it was blue before. She stepped through, thinking “Tahu”…and stepped out of Arena Vulcanus.Outside Arena Vulcanus… Tahu turned around and immediately saw Gali. “KIINA! HOW ON MATA-NUI DID YOU APPEAR RIGHT IN FRONT OF—oh, sorry Gali,” Tahu said, correcting himself.“Who is Kiina?” Gali queried, looking around. A pair of neon-green eyes stared down at the Toa. “Oh, she’s right in front of my face. Figures.” “So you must be Gali,” the Glatorian said, punching Tahu in the face. “I’m Kiina. Apparently Tahu mixes up our names, despite the fact that we totally don’t look alike.” “That’s because he likes me,” Gali said, looking at Tahu, who was standing back up. “And you’re a girl too, so—““I DIDN’T COME HERE TO LISTEN TO A LOVE TRIANGLE!” Makuta, BH, and Axonn screamed together. “JINX! YOU OWE ME A—NO, YOU OWE ME A—STOP TALKING!” the three yelled together, getting into a fight. “I will not tolerate fighting between my own comrades,” Helryx said, knocking down BH with a hard blast of water. The ground shook as he hit it, and Arena Vulcanus collapsed. “I will tolerate, however, the extermination of Tahu Nuva. Destroy him.”Inside the Ruins of Arena Vulcanus… “Help!” Ackar screamed, a pathway completely blocked. He had melted his way through part of the ruins with his fire sword, but he knew that power had to be used sparingly and controllably. Now he was trying to go through manually, which was basically impossible. “He sat on the pile of rubble that had once been Tahu Nuva’s seat. For him, it seemed impossible that only that afternoon he had melted armor off of Axonn. He wished all his troubles could go away.”“But can they?” Ignika queried, appearing next to Ackar and flooding the cavern with light. “Can this world truly be perfect? I am afraid not, Ackar.”“You think I didn’t know that, Ignika?” Ackar questioned. “If the world was perfect, the Shattering would have never occurred. The Element Lords would have never died, Skrall wouldn’t be on our backs every day, and—““Then I would not be with you,” Ignika answered. “You would not be as wise as you are now, you would not know those you know now, and—““You’re stating pointless things.”“Well, what do you expect the world to be?”“An all-night party. What did you expect, a war zone?”“Sure,”Ignika muttered, sending a blast that cleared a straight path for Ackar to the unsettling night.Ackar looked outside. He could see the fire Toa fighting a blue figure, who he assumed to be his enemy. “The world isn’t perfect…but getting rid of this monster could make it a lot better…” he said, running out of the ruins.“That’s the spirit,” Ignika said, attempting to clap, but realizing he had no hands. Ugh, I’m tired of being a useless mask, he thought, forming his own body. Shortly after, “Toa” Ignika clapped.Outside Arena Vulcanus…“Give it up already!” Helryx screamed, sending a blast of water towards Tahu, which he dodged.“You honestly think that after all this time, I would give up? Not a chance,” Tahu said, knocking Helryx to the ground with a well-aimed punch. “Kiina, are you holding up well?”“I’m trying my hardest,” she answered, engaged in combat with Makuta. Else- where, Berix (in his Thornatus) was trying to trip BH, and nearby Gelu was fighting Axonn. The other Toa Nuva had taken the battle out of Daxia Fortress (however the portal leading back remained) and were battling the Skrall and Mahri with the rest of the Glatorian helping. However, the battle still had not turned in favor of Tahu and his rebellion. “Done yet?” Makuta asked, chuckling as he forced Kiina towards the Skrall. “Never. I will never lose to you…you fiend,” she said, slamming her trident into Makuta, which sent him into a few Glatorian.“You know…I wonder what would’ve happened if I hadn’t partnered with Helryx,” Makuta said, standing up and slicing Vastus’s right arm off. “Most likely you would inherit Mata Nui’s body and depart off to Bara Magna, where Mata Nui would be waiting in a robot two thirds your size. After a long a brutal battle however, you would lose all of your Rahkshi, getting distracted by it and letting Mata Nui push you into a fragment of one of Bara Magna’s moons, destroying the Core Processor and killing you in the process. Mata Nui then would’ve brought life to the newly recreated Spherus Magna and laid dormant in the Ignika until, well, the end of time,” Smartius said, interrupting the fight. “That…was oddly specific,” Tahu said, mostly at a loss for words.“I hate to agree with him…but he’s right,” Helryx said, looking awkwardly at the sand. “Ergh…Smartius!!!” Stronius said, running into the battle and clubbing Vastus’s other arm off. “Wha’ on Bar Magna di’ ah se ‘bout blowin’ yer horn wit tis sciency stuff?”“You said to refrain from being smart, which I unfortunately am not able to do. I apologize,” Smartius said in a nerdy voice. “Sorry to interrupt,” Vastus said, standing up. “But could somebody please put my arms back on?”“You. Are. NOT A TOY!!! You can’t put your arms back on!” BH said, looking down grimly at Vastus.“Says who?” Build-A-Buzz said, flying in from out of nowhere and putting Vastus’s arms back on. Unfortunately for Buzz, however, he was sent back into nowhere with a swing of Stronius’s club. “For the second time this night, I am completely bemused,” Tahu said.“And I am bemused as to why you’re still alive,” Helryx said, punching Tahu in the face and restarting the battle.“Oh please. TN:TS would never kill off himself,” Tahu said as the fourth Thornatus blew up. Unfortunately for Berix, he no longer had a ride. “Tahu’s right, you know,” TN:TS said. “However, I don’t take sides. I just write the story.” “Aw, come on,” Tahu groaned.In ADDRESS WITHHELD"It had taken awhile, but at long last the being had found what it was looking for.""Thanks to the great technology of NAME WITHHELD, but poor security system, the being was able to hack into the company’s computer systems and find out priceless information. After constant years of being jailed, this being wanted out of WORLD WITHHELD, but his purpose was to terrorize beings, instead of to adventure or help beings." "The being had checked every planet in the system, and man, was he bored. He decided soon enough that he would have to leave the system, and thus, he went to the Solis Magna system. He hated this system; it was where the “other sort” had dealt with him." "He looked at the biggest planet, a tan, barren one." “Well, here goes,” the being said, activating his staff. “Off to Bare Magnet? No, Bara Magna,” he said, disappearing into the darkness of a black hole.Two Hours Later… “Furno! Come here!” a lime-green figure said.“Yeah, what is it, Breez?” Furno queried, running over to a jail cell.“Look,” she pointed. The jail cell was completely barren, and the lock on it had been melted. All that remained was a note: Sayonara! with a picture of Shadow the Hedgehog underneath.“No,” Furno said, backing up. “This can’t be—““But it is,” Breez said. “Von Nebula has escaped.”To Be Continued…

Edited by Tahu Nuva: Toa of Silver, Jul 22 2012 - 10:08 PM.

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#39 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Jul 22 2012 - 10:13 PM

The Adventures of Tahu: ConsequenceChapter 8: This Comedy Will Continue OnInside the Assembly Tower…Hero Factory had gone as it should’ve gone, mostly unaffected by Helryx’s rise to power. However, there had been one instance where the two worlds had collided, and this is what triggered this chapter’s making.After Breakout occurred (2013), Von Nebula escaped once more, and mistakenly ran into a teleportation experiment. He found himself, in mere seconds, in Helryx’s meeting with the Toa Nuva. In seconds, he was completely subdued by the seven as Axonn took him away. He was never seen again by Helryx and the Nuva (until TIME WITHHELD), but he was thrown into the portal in the stasis tube room, straight into Preston Stormer’s office. He was arrested, being put into a high security room until a year ago (2026). He was not a threat anymore, or at least it seemed that way.“How in Hero Factory could we be so stupid?” Furno said, sitting in Stormer’s office. The Alpha Team leader had called a meeting, of course to discuss the whereabouts of Von Nebula.“Well, I knew the whole time something was going to happen,” Stormer said, looking up from MNLOG. “But I could not have expected when or how.”“I knew we shouldn’t have let him out,” Bulk said. “Where could he be now?”“For all we know, he could be in an alternate universe,” Stringer said. “Maybe Guitar World.”“Would you please quit it with the guitars?” Rocka said. “All you do is watch reruns of Jimi Hendrix in your spare time.”“Get serious, guys. Think harder.”There was one figure that was in the far back, by the door. His name was Bill Blaze, and he had recently been added to Alpha 1. This hero was considered to be the new Furno, being that Furno was already one of the best members of the team and even headed Alpha 2 for a short time. Blaze had thought for a while, and finally was ready to display his thinking to the team. “What about the teleport scandal?” Blaze asked the team. “What if Von Nebula went back to that place where he was beaten up, and then brought back here? What if he wanted revenge?”“You make a good point,” Rocka answered. “But how would we know what the people there are like?”“They’re probably hostile,” Furno added. “When you saw Von Nebula, Stormer, he was completely beaten up, right?”“Yes, he indeed was. But it’s our only shot. Blaze, I’m sending you on your first solo mission.”“What? I mean—that’s great!” Blaze said, changing his mind. “Good. Don’t get too excited though. Go to Zib. He’ll be able to send you to your destination, which I have no idea on where it is.”“…That’s helpful…bye now,” Blaze said, leaving the office in a hurry.In Helryx’s Throne Room… “At last, my life is complete!” TSO shouted with joy. He had just received a notification that Makuta had left the MU, making the Dark Hunter the acting leader of the Matoran Universe.Helryx rarely left the robot, but when she did, Makuta would take over. If the two were gone, Axonn would take control. Then TSO, then—well, she assumed the four would never be gone from the MU at the same time. However, there was a new being to challenge TSO’s rule.“Who are you?” TSO said, looking at the hulking figure.“Your successor to the throne,” the being said, lunging at TSO.There was no contest as to who would win.In seconds the head of TSO was on the wall, as well as the Mask of Shadows, the Keystones, and the Kanohi Vahi. Von Nebula put his Black Hole Staff on the side of the throne, and relaxed on the throne. He had won.Outside Arena Vulcanus… “Makuta…” Helryx said, looking at her comlink. She had knocked Tahu into Stronius, and the two were brawling, but Tahu was gaining the upper hand. “We lost TSO’s connection.”“Well, then get a video of your throne room up,” Makuta suggested. “Um, that’s exactly what I was going to do,” Helryx answered. “Stop copying me!” The video of the throne room appeared, at the moment that connection was lost. Together they saw TSO lose his head and fall to the floor. VN then picked up the head, mounted it on the wall, and sat down. The two were bewildered.“He came back,” Helryx said, scared for one of the few times in her life. “He’s the leader of the Orderly Empire. I—have to go back,” Helryx said, running out of the battle and into the slowly dissolving portal.Tahu looked over near the portal, seeing Helryx jump into the portal. “Adios,” he told Stronius, slamming him into the side of the arena, completely felling it. He jumped in the portal, followed by Kiina, Berix, Gali, Axonn, and Jaller. The portal then closed completely as the battle raged on.On Voya Nui… “Come on, come on,” Takanuva said, ushering the Voya Nui Matoran, Brutaka, and Jovan into his hovercraft. “We need all the help we can get, and we need it fast too!”“Don’t rush me, young Toa,” Jovan said. All these beings had agreed to destroy Helryx, but the rest were against it, saying it was impossible. “You know better,” Jovan had said to one Turaga who was on his Toa Team. “We have been through a lot, more than the Toa Hagah.” And yet, the Turaga didn’t believe him. “I’m coming,” he said, looking back at the island and their old home. Takanuva, thankfully, had been able to blast a way through the icy bay of Voya Nui, allowing escape of the island. In return, Kazi cured Takanuva’s shadow with his pet Klakk. “All ready? Good, let’s get out of here!” Takanuva yelled, starting the hovercraft. He keyed in two words: Daxia Fortress. This was a big mistake.To Be Continued…
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#40 Online MT Zehvor

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Posted Jul 25 2012 - 11:24 PM

Sorry I haven't reviewed this in a while, sorta forgot about it, as terrible a person as that makes me be. :/At any rate, good couple of chappies since I've been gone.Although...why did the Shadowed One die?I am now sad face.Owell.-MT(perhaps we can renew our comedy reviewing agreement?)
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