Edited by Parazan, Apr 06 2012 - 10:38 AM.
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Posted Mar 31 2012 - 08:32 PM
Posted Apr 02 2012 - 07:41 AM
That would be "awakened".
I am awaken by my pet light-bug.
There needs to be a space between words and parenthesis.I would suggest that you write this on Microsoft Word, it has an automatic spelling and grammar checker that can prevent mistakes like these.
A Ga-Matoran named Frida(whom has been physically altered by the capitol so that she's pink instead of her natural shade of blue)
Posted Apr 02 2012 - 10:20 AM
Posted Apr 02 2012 - 02:09 PM
(Literally, it means "For knowledge", but it can be taken as "For science")
Posted Apr 06 2012 - 09:56 AM
Everyone is one choice away from being a bad guy in someone else's story.
Posted Apr 06 2012 - 10:36 AM
Posted Jan 15 2013 - 11:07 PM
Nick Silverpen here with your ECC Charity Review:
Interesting concept, first off, of “Bionicle-izing” Suzanne Collin’s series. Metru Nui seems to be a peculiar setting for this though. It’ll be interesting to see how it plays out, how your character compares to Catniss. Morbuzahk, an interesting name for a Matoran- it must be set sometime far in the future, where the legends have become very faint. I hope this name plot becomes significant to the overall story, because it would make it an even better spin off of the series. Axxon- does he represent the President? You present a varied array of characters here, that could have some rich interaction, influenced by a Makuta legacy.
Your narration seems a bit trivial, loaded with little bits. Instead of going into the fluff, such as your statistic for brains falling out, go into description more of what the headache feels like. Also, elaborate more on the relationship between Morbuzahk and his brother. One last thing: the ages of the Matoran vary, and while this is fanfiction, you could elaborate the extended lifespans of Matoran; that could play into the agony and tension of having the named picked more for the reader.
This chapter seems a bit bare, and I encourage you to write more. You have potential with this story, from the interesting cast the strings that encourage the reader. Also, simply writing helps develop skill. Incorporate more Bionicle as well, as the former reviewers have said.The more you write, the better you become. Best of luck with continuing this story!
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