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Turning Point


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#1 Offline Scrash

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Posted Apr 07 2012 - 05:27 PM

Well, this is a little thing I wrote to see if I can still write BIONICLE fanfics (or fiction in general, really) after so long a hiatus. I still have no clue, haha. Hopefully you guys like it.

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He paced back and forth, unable to force the thought back down. It had occurred so naturally, so fluidly. At first, he had dismissed it as nothing, a mere delusion at the time of its conception. But now? Now, he wasn’t so sure.

It couldn’t be that those blustering would-be warlords had the right idea, could it? The wrong intentions, certainly. The lack of coordination and ability, most definitely... but could they have had the right idea? He clenched his fist in frustration. This so-called “Great Spirit” should have been paying more attention to the universe over which he had dominion. If he had been, then none of this would have happened. No... that was not the way to think, was it?

The problem with questions was that they were difficult to be rid of if left unanswered. The problem with this question was that it could not be answered verbally. Action would have to be taken. To most, attempting to answer this question was a crime against the universe. To dare to find the answer would be rebellious, ludicrous, and—to some extent—downright evil.

Yet... it would not be impossible.

Improbable? Absolutely. But impossible?

He smiled. He had never believed in impossibility. It was one thing to have the power to achieve a goal. It was another to have the drive, the will to make sure everything happened according to plan. With only one of those, one could never hope to attain one’s ambitions. This, however, was not the case. He had both. Given a sliver of opportunity, he knew he could lead his brothers—alongside the people of this universe—to ultimate victory.

At that moment, he sealed his fate. The facts had dared elude him for long enough. All that was left in his mind was clarity.

Mata Nui was not a fit ruler. He ignored this universe, allowed six insects to usurp the natural order and harm innocents. He was indifferent to the transgressions committed in this world or had simply moved on to other prospects. In either case, the well-being of his people had clearly not been taken into account.

The trouble, he realized, was not in seizing power from Mata Nui. With the brilliant minds of his brothers at work, that would be the easy part. No, the difficulty would be in convincing the Matoran that their blind faith in the Great Spirit would be detrimental to them in the long run. They would have to see that the Makuta were the only beings that truly looked after them.

After all, the Makuta created the birds that flew and the fish that swam and provided the creatures the Matoran used in their labors. They crushed the tyrannical rule of the Barraki and returned conquered lands to their proper leaders. They were tangible, not some spirit that watched over all, unseen and unheard. They had power, but they were benevolent. They had the potential to turn to evil, but they had the will to work towards the greater good.

He chuckled. Perhaps convincing the Matoran that Mata Nui was an absentee ruler would not be so difficult. He had convinced himself fairly easily, and his mind was not as fickle as those of the Matoran.

For now, though, it was best to keep these ambitions to himself. Should Miserix or any of those so foolishly committed to Mata Nui catch on, the plan would be over before it could be enacted.

It would take years for any definite form of the plan to come to fruition, but he had one quality those such as Icarax and Gorast lacked—patience, purely unadulterated patience. He knew he would succeed. He believed those silly little virtues that the Matoran cherished were not applicable only to them.

Unity would be needed for this plan to have any hope of working.

It was the duty of the Brotherhood to overthrow Mata Nui.

And it was the destiny of Makuta Teridax to ignite the revolution.


Edited by Sky-Byte, Apr 08 2012 - 05:02 PM.

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plop


#2 Offline Toa Smoke Monster

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Posted Apr 08 2012 - 03:42 PM

Great story, Sky-Byte! There wasn't a sentence in it that I thought was off or didn't fit in with the story. It all flows together very well. I particularly like how you used the 'Unity, Duty, Destiny' saying at the end. It kind of foreshadows what Teridax will do later on in the official story.I did find one spelling mistake, and it is:

In either case, the wellbeing of his people had clearly not been taken into account.

Should be well being.Overall, this is a good story that really showed what drove the thinking process behind Teridax wanting to overthrow Mata-Nui. Good job! http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/cool.png

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Everyone is one choice away from being a bad guy in someone else's story.

 

Check out my Bionicle short stories The Agori and A Skakdi Horror Story.

 

 

Also check out my comedy series Adventures of the Bara Magna Sets!


#3 Offline Athmos

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Posted Apr 14 2012 - 11:21 AM

This almost FEELS canon. I bet GregF himself would admit that this what happened to start it all.
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WIP


#4 Offline Scrash

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Posted Apr 20 2012 - 09:10 PM

Great story, Sky-Byte! There wasn't a sentence in it that I thought was off or didn't fit in with the story. It all flows together very well. I particularly like how you used the 'Unity, Duty, Destiny' saying at the end. It kind of foreshadows what Teridax will do later on in the official story.I did find one spelling mistake, and it is:

In either case, the wellbeing of his people had clearly not been taken into account.

Should be well being.Overall, this is a good story that really showed what drove the thinking process behind Teridax wanting to overthrow Mata-Nui. Good job! http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/cool.png

This almost FEELS canon. I bet GregF himself would admit that this what happened to start it all.

Late reply on my part, but thanks, guys. I was trying to write a little thing that could be easily inserted in the official canon, and since Teridax is one of my favorite fictional villains (and one that I have a lot of sympathy for, really), I came up with this rather naturally.

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plop


#5 Offline Cederak

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Posted Jun 23 2012 - 11:39 PM

Hello, Knock Out, here is your official SSCC review. Man, what a rough assignment…I hate rough assignments. And yet, it always means I loved the work. You can't tear apart something you love, it's difficult! And no grammar or spelling errors of note. You're a dynamo, I'll give you that.After reflecting on it, I can't help but think of the movie Inception a little bit. The power of an idea placed into someone's mind can be incredible. In this case, the final aspiration of the League of Six Kingdoms being carried on by Teridax completely ravages a universe. However, can we fault Teridax entirely for finding fault in Mata Nui? The Barraki reigned for thousands of years, millennia of conquest and destruction and demands for Teridax to bolster their armies with monsters and mounts. As you said, years marked by the disruption of "the natural order" and harming innocents. And then one day, Teridax believes he is better fit to serve in place of a god-like figure like the Great Spirit. There's a religious undertone there, in parallel to how even acts of darkness and evil invariably have a destiny to carry out. It takes a special something to have a voice that ignites the passion of those around you, and Teridax does indeed unite many of his kindred.Here's where things really separate though. The Matoran see the virtues as selfless ideals to live by. Teridax on the other hand manages to warp the duty of the Brotherhood in his mind for a more self-serving belief. In contrast to the steadfast loyalty Miserix had for Mata Nui, Teridax seems less swayed by such…dogma, I suppose you could call it. Your portrayal of Teridax and his revelation is very much aligned with the character we've come to know over the years, and I wanted to mention how well you captured that essence. It was like capturing antidermis in a container. Oh wait, Teridax wasn't pure energy yet when he first concocted the plan. Oh well, I'm not retracting my bad joke. :lol:Your Teridax is entirely believable as a canon existence, as previous replies stated. This was such a treat to read and I want to reiterate that I loved this assignment for being so difficult. It was a welcome challenge. Keep up the excellent work.-Ced
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